Perfectionism and Anxiety

Рет қаралды 7,421

3 жыл бұрын

Perfectionism is actually a form of anxiety. It is also based on very faulty beliefs about the world. How to overcome this destructive habit, which causes procrastination, self-doubt and frustration? Join me LIVE on Tuesday, December 22 at Noon EST.
Resources for you:
1:1 Virtual Psychotherapy with Betterhelp: betterhelp.com/awakenjoy. I have personally used their services and have recently become an affiliate. Using this link enables you to a discount of 10% off the first month.
Free Webinar: Rewiring Your Brain for Joy and Confidence: www.awakenjoy.life/rewire-you...
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Use Promo Code: AWAKENJOY20 for 20% off. The program code must be put into the promo code box when you checkout for the discount! This is another online service I have used and I support!
For my free PDF Guide on Transform your Negative Core Beliefs, TEXT awakenjoy to 44222, or click this link: awakenjoy.lpages.co/negative-...
LGBTQ? pridecounseling.com/awakenjoy.... Pride Counseling is professional online counseling for the LGBTQ community, a subsidiary of betterhelp.com.
Sign up for a Free Trial on Virtual EMDR - bit.ly/bhvirtualemdr
Use Promo Code: AWAKENJOY20 for 20% off. The program code must be put into the promo code box when you checkout for the discount! This is another online service I have used and I support!
For my free PDF Guide on Transform your Negative Core Beliefs, TEXT awakenjoy to 44222, or click this link: awakenjoy.lpages.co/negative-...
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NOTE: This description contains affiliate links for the Virtual EMDR site, for betterhelp.com and for pridecounseling.com. While this channel may earn a minimal sum when the viewer using these affiliate links, the viewer is in NO WAY obligated to use these links; the viewer is not charged extra for these links and, in fact, receives a discount over the regular pricing of these programs. I have used both Virtual EMDR and betterhelp.com, and pridecounseling is connected to betterhelp.com.
Disclaimer:
This video was created by Barbara Heffernan, LCSW for educational purposes only. These videos are not diagnostic, and provide no individual consultation. Consumption of these materials is for your own education and any medical, psychological, or professional care decisions should be made between you and your primary care doctor or another provider that you are engaged with. Barbara Heffernan is not available for individual consultation via KZfaq, social media or email, and provides services only in the manner mentioned above.

Пікірлер: 55

@brandonhirt5917 2 жыл бұрын

I am so hooked on listening to you Barbara. I have sat with several Thearapist and I have to you are the only one that I can learn from. I’ve been watching your videos for 2 weeks now and my cognitive problem is really coming around. My wife sees my changes and I feel so much better. I’m taking what I learn from you and I’m changing my life for the better. God bless you and thank you. 😃

@BarbaraHeffernan 2 жыл бұрын

So awesome to hear the videos are helping you so much!! Good for you for doing the work! I wish you health and healing, Barbara

@merytynes3827 Жыл бұрын

Perfect: is coming forth and doing your best.

@audreypelikoski1803 3 жыл бұрын

For as long as I can remember I’ve strived to be perfect. Always gotta be happy. Don’t wanna disappoint people. Be the perfect daughter to make up for non “perfect” family members. It’s extremely exhausting and at age 39 just opening my eyes to how I got to be this way and how unhealthy it is.

@mday3821 10 ай бұрын

This video was very helpful. I try to be "Prefect" even though, I know it's not real. I am re-doing rooms in my house and as I patch cracks, sand, then paint I find my inter crite telling me "it's not prefect." I talk out loud to it & yes, I know it sounds crazy, but it is helping. However, I never knew where it came from...it comes from fears of not being enough...and being hurt or ignored. Makes "Perfect" sense. Thank you, Barbara.

@merytynes3827 Жыл бұрын

Wow, just taking it in. There is no human that is perfect. For me being a Christian it’s humbling and it reminds me that God loves me unconditionally.

@beltashazzar5277 10 ай бұрын

I’ve recently come across your videos and I’m very grateful. I just wanted to share some very recent experiences - I started dancing 2 years ago, after living most of my life in a very sedentary way. I am also a single child raised by a covert narcissist mother. My dance journey has been bringing to light some serious issues that I’ve always known were there but now they are physically visible to my eyes - my anxiety, low self-esteem and perfectionism. I’ve been battling so many fears and anxious thoughts, I’ve sometimes been falling on my bedroom floor, in tears, thinking I would never be a dancer. Over time, I have become much more comfortable in my skin and movement, but there are certain fears which I’ve noticed stop me from progressing. I noticed that when I have been learning how to jump, or spin in class, I have 2 fears that almost paralyse me: 1, the fear of falling when I attempt the move, and hurting myself; 2, the fear of failing the move, or looking sloppy. Any advice on how to overcome these, bearing in mind the context I mentioned? Many thanks, in advance 💜

@tessellatiaartilery8197 Жыл бұрын

Informative report. Thank you.

@Joisu121 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for your helpful channel! I feel calmer listening to you

@BarbaraHeffernan 3 жыл бұрын

I'm so happy to hear that! Thank you for letting me know :)

@denisesmith6563 3 жыл бұрын

Great teaching. . .thank you....this is so relatable ... my entire life I've struggled with this...I'm 62.

@BarbaraHeffernan 3 жыл бұрын

I'm so glad it was helpful.

@sandraoxford883 7 ай бұрын

Wow this is so interesting ! Very insightful 💜

@raffaelebenvenuti9913 3 жыл бұрын

So very interesting Barbara thank you for the video. Have a safe and good Christmas! Yoga helped me to be a little less perfectionist 😉

@Christinasvenska 2 жыл бұрын

I think my perfectionism is rooted in having been a parentified child. As a vocal coach now, I have learned that there is no such thing as a perfect performance, but I do still struggle in other areas with this, due to the fear of failure.

@BarbaraHeffernan 2 жыл бұрын

Yes, there is often a link between high performers, perfectionism and being parentified as a child. Wishing you health and healing.

@dennisbreedon9722 Жыл бұрын

This describes me…I’m a hot mess lol..I have to maintain a sense of humor but I know it’s not funny, I’m suffering through a divorce right now after 25 years and I still love her immensely plus my addictions and mental illnesses are strong right now but I’m still holding on, I’ve made it this far! Your videos are great you really care about us, Thank You😊❤️. Happy Mothers Day☺️

@sleepytime5518 3 жыл бұрын

Perfectionism seems like a form of comparisonitis. You compare yourself to a perfect ideal. It is a myth because the faulty belief is that if you are devoid of flaws, you have more value. But our value isn’t in our lack of or flaws.

@BarbaraHeffernan 3 жыл бұрын

Absolutely! Great point. We often love people more because of their flaws. I forgot to make this point! (So perfectly unperfect!)

@jamiescanlon1295 3 жыл бұрын

I think the irony of perfectionism is embracing the fact that nothing is ever perfect, but in that itself, is perfect. It’s embracing the fact that we tried the best we could and by doing so, accepted the perceived risks in the pursuit of our goals.

@BarbaraHeffernan 3 жыл бұрын

I love how you phrase this!

@jamiescanlon1295 3 жыл бұрын

@@BarbaraHeffernan thank you :-) This is something I’m working on and these words just came to me as I was listening to you. I came across your work only yesterday and have to say, it’s having a profound impact on me already!

@thanksexportsshoes240 2 жыл бұрын

it had been 4 days i am wathcing all vidoes and trying to collect ideas also your video is totally authentic

@BarbaraHeffernan 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much. That is a compliment that means a lot to me :)

@sunset33533 3 жыл бұрын

Thanks for this vid. The book "30 Days to Reduce Anxiety" by Harper Daniels was also a big help.

@Joanavoice 3 жыл бұрын

To me, the normal imperfect is what I see as perfect. I see people who function in the normal mundane ways I cannot and that to me is perfect: Going to the store without freaking out, being able to have a doctor's appointment where I can let them touch me (and without dissociating), not having to work so hard to control my emotions, being able to have healthy relationships. That all feels so completely perfect to me. That said, nothing I do feels like it reaches that slandered. It probably aligns with imposter syndrome because I'm always trying to live up to the role of "normal" person and hide my symptoms and quirks. The topic of current sessions is my hatred for myself. Hard to feel good the way you are when below the surface you hate yourself and you are trying to destroy parts of yourself.

@boujimobbin9530 3 жыл бұрын

Everything I do I feel like if I’m going to put time into something I want to do it right the first time & feel its perfect so I don’t have to do it again. I love the feeling of looking at what I’ve done and the satisfaction I get of admiring the beauty I just created. So then I’ll soak in the projects completeness for quite awhile because it feels so good to look at it!!

@BarbaraHeffernan 3 жыл бұрын

How wonderful! Doesn't sound like your form of perfectionism gets in your way, then!

@boujimobbin9530 3 жыл бұрын

@@BarbaraHeffernan I don’t think too much but my husband is a person that does the bare minimum he doesn’t go for that A+ on the things he does so often he wastes time having to redo it , this really annoys me because I feel if u have to do it then just do it right & you are done! No more time spent on it. When he really screws things up because he doesn’t think about what he’s doing it is very hard for me to not get extremely irritated at his nonchalant effort. Turns me off I must admit!

@Miracles18dohappen 3 жыл бұрын

This was so me. Since having breast cancer I’m trying to curb it. And all you say I can relate to x

@BarbaraHeffernan 3 жыл бұрын

I do hope this was helpful in shifting some of the perfectionist thinking!

@rachelr8837 3 жыл бұрын

I can definitely relate to this, thanks. I wonder why more women seem to suffer from this perfectionism more than men? Men seem to not be as bothered...

@TCarnellF66 3 жыл бұрын

My creativity and the joy it brings to my life has been all but destroyed by perfectionism and the surrounding anxieties. Struggling to feel like my pursuits are worthwhile. Perfection is not attainable, but everything I try to produce I can’t help but feel is fatally flawed. Trying to get my emotional self to come on line with my intellectual self which knows perfectionism is not real.

@snazzyb3814 3 жыл бұрын

Brene brown the gifts of imperfection was an amazing book

@BarbaraHeffernan 3 жыл бұрын

Yes, that is an awesome book. Info here for other viewers: amzn.to/37JqmAz

@noodletribunal9793 3 жыл бұрын

when i make just one mistake(or multiple) i think "will i ever be able to do this? what if im never able to do it?" so i guess i have a fear of never being able to succeed. and i guess im scared of THAT because i feel that i have no worth without being good at something. so it's a possibility of forever being worthless...i guess. it looks like "what if i never get better" is a huge thing for me. i have learned so much about improvement, how it works, and how it can not happen without mistakes and failure but i still have this scared thought anyway, and it makes the whole process hell. that is very frustrating! ٩(๑`^´๑)۶ and of course there is also the fear of being judged for it. i'd rather just keep my mouth shut then open it and maybe say the wrong thing. so now im here, and terribly behind in just about everything.

@bhoomikapatel8619 3 жыл бұрын

Perfectionism does not allow me to do any work and therefore i ended up in doing nothing and when i want to do some work it put me in lot of confusion and my head aches and i stop the work

@anilkumar3054 Жыл бұрын

Agree with you

@haniffifi564 3 жыл бұрын

Even at the age of 5 i had social anxiety.was there perfectionism at that age?

@sreenivasg7827 3 жыл бұрын

In pursuit of perfectionism, we get anxious.

@natashatucker3556 3 жыл бұрын

what does perfect look like? I said "someone productive, always getting things done and achieving" That's where I focus my perfect views. Often academic anxiety. I'm surrounded by really intelligent people in uni with straight As. My question is how can you deal with perfectionism when it IS achievable/measurable, like getting PERFECT grades? I'd have to sacrifice my life and health but it's still technically possible haha. I can't seem to change that view and I swing from studying tirelessly to not studying for weeks!

@noodletribunal9793 3 жыл бұрын

i guess, what's the point of being perfect with these things? the purpose of a test should be to find out where you need to focus your efforts. if you get nothing wrong, then it's time to focus elsewhere, and be imperfect again. like, if you do something perfectly that means it's time to stop doing it. this also makes me think of "solved games". tic tac toe is a solved game. this means that the first player can, without fail, make the second player lose if he picks a certain sequence of moves. in other words, tic tac toe is a game that you can be perfect in...but do adults get excited about tic tac toe? absolutely not, it's boring, cause you can be perfect. adults prefer more complex games where it's not possible to play perfectly. it makes it more exciting. that's also another thing about activities that you can be perfect in. they are generally simple, focused, and specific. which is actually good for improvement but it's part of a bigger more complicated picture. ...now if only i could listen to myself and stop beating myself up for not being perfect, too ＿|￣|○

@davidyang6074 2 жыл бұрын

Hi Barbara, thank you so much for this video. I feel like I recognize that perfection is not possible, but I still feel like I need to at least be outstanding and better than most people, especially given the current dating market and job market. What are your thoughts on that?

@BarbaraHeffernan 2 жыл бұрын

Great question. I think we can strive to do our best, which is wonderful, without aiming for perfection, which is impossible, and without comparing ourselves to others. I wouldn't want to marry someone who only wanted the "perfect me." That would be difficult to maintain!!

@plamont2004 8 ай бұрын

In school you are graded and if you receive 10/10 in an assignment or a test, then you have achieved a perfect score, so there is some form of perfect sometime. That made me feel good and "way to go" so I have always strived for that feeling. Start of perfectionism?

@annnakarenina 3 жыл бұрын

thank you for not being a perfectionist and creating this channel!

@dianeibsen5994 Жыл бұрын

Could you clarify, because you asked. Think of a time when you felt perfectionistic. but perfectionism isn't a feeling. It's more of a way of being. Yes?

@BarbaraHeffernan Жыл бұрын

hmmmm.... yes, I think I probably meant when you feel that compulsion to be a perfectionist. Thanks for reaching out!

@reshap.4297 3 жыл бұрын

Doing my paperwork at work I feel like I have to be perfect especially writing in English language.

@reshap.4297 3 жыл бұрын

This is driven by feeling judged. This started after I came overseas to study and was getting poor score on my assignments.

@bhoomikapatel8619 3 жыл бұрын

my mind continuously speak too much inside when i woke up from sleep , i don't feel refreshing sleep. i am on CBT with medication. please guide me

@liawallen4342 3 жыл бұрын

I make my mom so sad and I let her down so much she says I need to live in the moment to make her happier but how do I do that how do I live in the moment and make her happy

@sheryllgreenlowe351 3 жыл бұрын

You need to focus on yourself and not your mom , your mother needs to make herself happy not you .