The only thing that would make this clip better wouldve been the host saying, "dont worry guys, I'm just asking for a friend."

Someone who isn’t me asked about this

But what if he was actually asking for a friend.

@@nabinoorshahil2715 your friends ask for detailed manslaughter loopholes ? If yes your friends maybe sus

@@thundy9124 May be*

The cops, only having firearms, would have shot wildly because that's what they understand 'firefighting' to be. The only people the bullets would have impacted were the actual firefighters and if an oxygen tank ruptured on their SCBA gear or a line got shot, that could make the fire worse.

when was this said

​@@shalltear159 watch till the very end

@@shalltear159 at the end

Don't forget in the ticker scroll: "Airlines institute new landing fees"!!!

Yeah, good catch! This is sounding very “Road to Perdition”. Definitely makes you wonder!

It’s only hypothetical

I had to pick up my kid from his mother's house on my way home. Why so many questions??

Great question... That certainly requires further investigation.

@@Hungryman97sCollectibles The mother lives in an Applebees? She told you to pick them up at 1:30 in the morning of a thursday? Mmm

Easy enough to verify that

Well, dashcam footage needs to be unloaded from the recorder and inserted onto a computer, but depending on how long ago a vehicular manslaughter occurred, the footage might have been edited to incriminate someone or to prove someone innocent unless it was transferred to a computer directly by authorities. *Another question, does anyone know an easy-to-use editing software?*

@@lordpumpkinhead265 why would you want to know that?

@@felipecosta-kv2fx I'm planning on learning how to edit videos, specifically dashcam videos that DEFINITELY do not hold a mountain of evidence.

@@lordpumpkinhead265 well, in theory, as Op Said, why would you need to know that if you know It's not you and It's a deep fake used against you?

That would be the greatest crossover event in history

It would fit in perfectly.

They could make the topical into one of the radio stations

Oh yeas please that be legendary

Totally should!

ikr literally that single line brings me back to this video like once a week lmao its so funny and perfectly delivered

Every Onion video is mind blowing with the caliber of actors it has.

The subtlest inquisitive inflection shows the internal dialogue along the lines of :"Are they serious? Wait don't ask it's too suspicious"

@@derpdiggler7413 And then old girl pops in and slams him to the ground with THE CHAIR comment. 😭

*MURDER?*

I feel like the fat lady litterally has build her character on the face she makes when she says "aNyThAaNg". And I absolutely love her for it. Imagine her saying "Mike masowskiii" 🤣

@@kevinmathiasen7334 lol

@@ailemasvega Can anyone tell me what that profile picture actually IS? I’ve seen it everywhere for years now and I still have zero idea help

@@ailemasvega THANK YOU!!

I didn't even notice that until you pointed it out and I've watched the clip several times over the years

"Acquitted." "Really?" "Sike! You ran over a man and trampled him for 6 minutes, but despite him miraculously surviving without any fatal injuries, you stepped on his neck until he passed out and choked to death on his own blood, all while your nine-year-old watched."

Fair nuff

Translate to English: "Your honor, my client pleads options."

I know, riiigghht? I auto-corrected very intuitively, "@@101jir".

Your honour, my client was in a silly goofy mood

yep thats what the video said, thanks for reiterating for us.

@@jackperson2236 shut up

@jackperson2 shut up

@@jackperson2236 Just to reiterate what the other commenters are saying shut the fuck up.

@@jackperson2236 for a fourth time just to make sure you got it: shut up

Hannah Miyamoto YESS! 😂

“Oh my god! Those slimeball defense attorneys! Which one tho? There’s so many! Which one?!”

Hahaha indeed

"yeah those slimeball attornies. Would anybody happen to have one of their numbers?"

you better call Saul 🤣

Theres only one answer to that question.

I mean jokes aside I wonder if you can get sentenced if the only witnesses are children. Like, you very well could've done it, and let's say there's some evidence, but not enough, so a witness would change everything. In that case can a child be considered a trustworthy source of information?

We need a new study to determine how safe are American nine-year olds whose daddies have access to hacksaws.

@@sarii_p1697 Legally speaking, yes. Although their faculties for memory are reduced, an argument can be made that they are less likely to make up lies that fly through the courts, as children are far more likely to make up lies which are impracticable or impossible, so if their story fits the evidence it's probably true.

@@bearmarco1944 I forgot about this but I guess that makes sense. Also probably would depend on the kids age as well

Well, Baltimore is the worst city

My favorite one is "fighting his arch nemesis atop an abandoned watch tower"

He's not the mayor of Baltimore?

My favorite was when Clifford Baines was busy hunting down the scumbag who killed his father.

You don't need to step into another universe if you have inter-dimensional cable!

@@carl3710 agreed, got mine last week

World was so innocent year ago..

A DIFFERENT one?

Maybe you should get out of your house once in a while

Nancy only did that twice, I think. And I watched this at least 6 times lol

@@barbieblue3336 And he changed the subject every time

@@DeathnoteBB counter facts, there're no arguments.

happen to the metaphorical man in this example and the studies that indicate it*

Nancy is the best thing about this skit

Me: Yeah like the Legal killing zone in Idaho yellowstone

@@seantaggart7382 that was a very unnecessary use of the “Me:” format but ok.

@@godbloodspilla7154 sorry it's a habit I do it Alot

@@seantaggart7382 Stop it, get some help.

@@Cheezy_Bunz Awww Btw you know that doesn't work that way You can't tell someone to just stop

Bwahahahahah! It's the ONN®, finally the magic of impartiality can be realised.°

They should get the chair... Unless they're cops then maybe a paid suspension

Bikaner wale ka khana mast hai bhailogo

Oh god, and a dude on the ground bleeding out of one ear. What the hell.

@@lolerie stop being so ignorant lmao. Noone said white lives didnt matter, but the lives that are in jeopardy currently are those of minorities and people belonging to marginalized races. Dont get it twisted

A lot of stupid people in this thread.

How did you get that impression?

@@dadeee7776 or he was talking about the look the woman gave the man and the slanted eye looked the man gave in response at 1:35. Instead of whatever ego trip you're on.

Thank you, now I've imagined they "coming" together.

@@cleitonoliveira932 You're horrible

Holy shit this comment is so relevant now

only if someone has a hacksaw

You again

Nah, I guess he put the body in the back of his car and is keeping it in his basement. If he can disappear it before his kid's starts talking about it, the police will have no case. You need a hacksaw only if you deal with adult corpses (in theory of course). The femur, or thy bone, is incredibly thick and resilient. I'd recommend using a sledge hammer first to break up the bones a bit first. But then I'm not an expert.

@@AudieHolland Using a collection of acids is easier as some, which you can even find is school science labs can break down the entire body in a short enough time so that if no one ever checks say a school cctv which lets say hypothetically updates every couple of days then you can get away with having used those chemicals and having disposed of the body completely and as acid are liquids they can be washed away easier. Not that I would know of course.

@@diamondsam Sure, but as with all methods, it comes down to: how thorough is one, in theory? The NKVD or whatever came before the KGB did a pretty good job with the Romanov's.

Like, the year 1896 or the number 1896? Because the number 1896 only came into existence in 1975

OxxyJoe let me get a little of what you got

@Thomas Cusack it's not a joke, the onion has been making satirical news for almost a century and a quarter.

Hahaha...

1986

I came back to revisit the onion and found this post, it was my post I just recently changed my name. I was about to comment on it. 😂😂😂 I'm insane what can I say?

Hahahahhaha

She knows

She looks more like she sees through it

Nancy is having another night terror. At least this one is better than the dead baby one

Fr. 😂

*It's been 10 years*

It’s been 10 years and 3 weeks

*10 years and 3 weeks and 5 days*

Daniel Lipko it’s been 10 years 3 weeks 5 days and 11 hours.

Wasn't he fighting his nemesis at the top of an abandoned watch tower last time? I wonder how he got from that to the mayor of Baltimore.

Lol!

Because this was over ten years ago.

@@zacharyrollick6169 Why is this funnier than any skit SNL has produced in the last 20 years?

@@marcus6332 Why is this funnier than any skit SNL has produced.

It's not. If you think it is, you've probably just been watching the bad ones.

@@tenlegdragon personally, the humor snl does isn't my cup of tea, so I think this is way funnier

They keep killing themselves, apparently.

@@hemipemi better than taking people with them. Euthinamerica

@Da Thuth I was talking about high-school shootings but that could work too.

Ali G in da house

Simple joke but a pretty good one

No.

never trust a short person

Yes, he actual wanted to make sure his kid keeps his/hers little mouth shut.

Well now that the metaphorical children might not keep their mouths shut, he might. Metaphorically, of course.

I saw it as he ran over a person wearing dark clothes as night, went outside and heard the person screaming so hit him til he was dead. All the while his children were in the car.

And now re-reading what I wrote, oh my thats so dark lol

@@dangerxcom he dragged him under the car for 6 seconds, not knowing it was the victim's scream and not the sound from the car. He stopped the car, Then he stepped outside, looking at the victim grasping for air, he stepped on the victim's neck (the euthanasia part) to put him outta missery all the while his child was looking from the car. Ahahah

This is acting...?

​@@creepercraft100 No Sir, this is a very specific art that was mastered in ancient china and it is called "plumbing".

Was*

@AndJusticeForAll1231 was it woke? Wtf happened? I agree but what killed it? My only theory is woke but I don't know alot about the onion till recently

​@@beloved-childthe onion has always been "woke", they're talking about the discontinuation of their amazing videos which happened like a decade ago

The Onion didn't go anywhere.

@@brokenwave6125 yeah they did

I feel like the only reason they haven't posted anything in a while, is because the world itself has become so surreal with the horrible shit that's been going on, that they can't make anything like they used to, because things like that are just genuinely happening now

It hasn't been good for about a decade unfortunately, but the 2007-2011 Onion videos are some of the best comedy ever

Onion® News Network* There! FTFY 😑 And “needs you” how, exactly?

cropathfinder Agreed - I wish there were more of these panel skits. They're very clever.

I think the one where they blamed the black guy for the bear mauling was funnier

carolyn mmitchell That was hilarious! My favorite is the road rage talk show bit

you clearly haven't heard their radio. Check out their coverage of the dog in Iceland, funniest shxt ever Check out the Guatamala plane crash vid too

the wallmart robbery was funny as fuck too

Depends on how good 9 year old girls are at keeping their mouth shut

@@likeabunnie good comment

Ikr. She was so judgemental! Sometimes it's necessary to step on people's necks until their life slips away, I mean just imagine the hospital bill if they were rescued! It's mercy

666 likes

@@likeabunnie the hacksaw solves that problem....

HerHealthySelf Nancy was always the best. Duncan Birch a close second.

@Subliminal Power Hindi 9 year olds are expensive... And they don't keep their mouths shut

@Subliminal Power Hindi I hope this guy gets stopped on a minor traffic violation and he gets the chair.

The actor playing the host is an acting teacher at a college in New York City!

That's exactly what it feels like😂. People with this level of talent should still be known. We should have writers, actors, directors that say they used to be with the Onion. The fact that those associated with this brilliant work are largely unknown seems impossible

Wow😰😯

Annd, did he get off?

@@Keolamation I know good job leaving us hanging OP

@@Keolamation No, he was convicted of a hit-and-run

The algorithm... working... it is....

Same here. This makes me rather uncomfortable.

Exactly. They've been predictive programming us for decades.

@smlaerv bro what rock you been living under because I wanna come join you

@@Ninjassassin119 what does it mean? I don't get it

Music4AII I got u fam.

Hi, I AM from the Future.

I got you fam

Unlike his kid.

And after losing his father to that scumbag as well, stunning and brave

UltimateChance 😂😂

I swear if a 14 year old comes in and says r/woosh on this historic comment, I'm going to lose it

r/woosh

I know, right?

Well, he is just filling in. Let's face it, he's no Clifford Baines.

1:31

oh well...

Damn

hahahahahaha !

She died in a car crash before you were born? Ok im gonna have to think deeply about this. Thats some quantum shit.

It's possible, but he got out of there pretty soon after I'd imagine

So your adopted?

Surrel Skeletons it's theoretically possible for someone to have a baby while braindead or on life support it has happened before.

Honestly the acting was that good I wouldn’t have got it otherwise

Smarmee I was unaware of this comedy, I read the title as being a bit 'click bait' maybe that's what they planned.

The joke starts with the first sentence though... What's to give away? The bit isn't subtle.

It's actually next-level humor The title implies the "joke" but it's actually just the news editor suspecting something suspicious, so they used that title instead of the usual news topic

The title just adds to the surreal nature of their comedy, because real news articles try to use shocking titles to attract viewers.

actors? These are panel members and talk about important issues.

@@dontspikemydrink9382 yeah these guys are devaluing crucial information from the public’s access

They risk their lives to bring out real news

Plot twist, this video is also 10 years old. Maybe 2009 was the peak of satirical comedy, who knows.

God doesn't exist. Your argument is invalid.

@@brendangarvin7787 Exist doesn't your God. Invalid is argument.

​@@willchurch8376 Dog exists, your god is invalid.

@@brendangarvin7787 I am God

ok

Fif