till I was self-diagnosed I had always thought masking was just a human experience and I was weak for getting exhausted by it (

I’ve been misdiagnosed 3 times because I’m so good at masking. I’m just now discovering that I am autistic and that I didn’t need to get put on a concoction of psychiatric meds that essentially lobotomized me. I didn’t need CBT. I needed love and acceptance. I needed to be understood

For me the main way that I mask is by behaving like the "strong silent" person in the group. It isn't being fake because I am frequently silent, even when I'm on my own or around safe people like my girlfriend or brother. I'm also loud and zany a lot of the time. So I just extend part of me to all the time when I'm around people. Recently I have stopped masking as much. It feels nice to not mask as much.

I've actually stopped and checked my face expression sitting here alone in my apartment, and yeah, the smile and "pleasant face" both were there, although I'was being on the verge of tears the whole day. It's so scary how deep this thing is

When you mentioned hygiene issues, I realized something about myself. As a child and young adolescent, I had a terrible time brushing my teeth. Using toothpaste made me vomit and I avoided the toothpaste as much as possible. I switched to using a baking soda tooth powder. I'd attributed this problem with toothpaste to be related to the sexual abuse I endured (along with my 2 sisters and 12 other female cousins) from my grandfather. I also have almost a phobia about taking a shower. I fell on the tub edge a couple of times, and have blamed this for not wanting to take a shower. However, when you mentioned hygiene, suddenly it hit me that both of these problems with hygiene are absolutely sensory issues! And they produce all kinds of problems for me! Wow! This was amazing! Sudden self discovery! What a dopamine surge!

I was told as a child that I should act attentive and have a smile on my face the whole time. That is my main mask. It is so ingrained, that I mask when I'm alone. Whatever else I use for masking, I don't even recognise.

At 5:15 when you mentioned masking too far and upsetting people and then suffering their ostracism I had to play it 3 or 4 times cos this has been my experience my whole life. Finally I understand that I was masking and can start to let go of some of that shame of feeling like I'm never getting it right. Thanks.

That line from Elenore Rigby, "wearing a mask that keeps in a jar by the door. Who is it for," just keeps going around in my head. I have always felt like how your parents say be on your best behavior like when you are going to church or something.

I masked by creating an entirely different persona which led me into a career in law enforcement. I ended up breaking down completely after 15 years and now I’m studying to be a dance movement therapist ✌️💕🌻

I realized i was masking my entire life and it clicked that THAT's why i was always so exhausted after working a job where I sat at a desk all day. A few years ago, i think i hit a point where the mask started to crack, and once I realized what it was - i just let go and I felt liberated, like a weight lifted. I worry less about some situations because i realized that situations where I knew all the steps of the interactions, or were confident in my knowledge - i was not "as" anxious (i always have some butterflies in my stomach) but then in times where I knew it would cause me to panic if i didnt know what to do (like going into a new sandwich shop or coffee stop and not know the protocol for where to order or what to say or what people 'usually do') then I knew if i took a few moments, scanned the area for markers (cash register, a queue of people, any signs) and then I found I could navigate my way to a person who could help, then maybe asking the person "i have never been here before - can you quickly help me understand what to do?". Not fool proof though because some people are just jerks but most of the time people will be like "oh yeah sure - you order there, and you pick up there ". But until i realized i was likely autistic, i never would have thought to do that, because i was always so scared of breaking 'social etiquette' rules by not ordering right or accidentally cutting someone (this happened at a grocery store a few years ago. another customer gave me crap for standing in the wrong place, even though THE SIGN SAID TO STAND THERE and i was so mad that if i didnt absolutely need the stuff i was buying, i would have left it there and walked out. I'm calmer (calmER) now in the 'every day' situations that used to make me panic because I realized I just process the situation differently.

But when I stop masking, my true self offends people. And that in turn makes me feel horrible for making them feel bad. And that’s exhausting. So either way, I’m exhausted at the end of the day. Maybe the best thing is for me to just stay away from people…

I really enjoyed the covid times in this respect - wearing an actual face mask ment a huge energy saving for me - no fake smiling for months! Real empowering feeling.

My mask fully cracked last year, now I've been avoiding being around people because I haven't been in the most positive state of mind. These videos are definitely helping me to feel less shame and fear around how i communicate with others. Thank you 🙏🏿

OH this is such a great video! You are a fantastic teacher. Saying THAT to you was an authentic reaction from my heart. Yup...65 years of masking until I just this week figured out I am autistic. Wow. I can finally stop the struggling and just learn each day about being me. Masking is required even for typicals...you really ought not crack up giggling at a funeral after all. My healer calls it wearing "hats". Knowing when you are doing it...that would be the key. I get it now. Being older I suppose I can just let people think I am "eccentric" as I find the real me under a lifetime of imposed masking. Learning who I truly am has been a long journey and this is the frame for that puzzle. Thanks!!! I think in a few generations "normal" will be different. We are on the threshold of this change in perspective. Bringing divergents out of the realm of pathology will take a little time, but I am not sick, I am just an android in a room of i-phones! The world is just unable to be flexible enough to accommodate right now. Videos like this are a big step from my childhood where this was unheard of. I'm going to be saying it to myself: I am autistic. World, get over it!

All of it, i have done all of that and more surviving 5 mins at a time one horrific thing after the next, running scared 51 years. I never knew what Autism really was thought I did…Convinced I was doing well in my situation. (For a freek from a different planet)No. Not at all. And now I SEE it, I can no longer sustain any of it…i crumble, alone…once again my cries for help not answered. What a mess…😭 my best never ever good enough…i cant navigate all the lies and people just never doing what they say…i am exhausted.

Thanks again for all the good content. I am 54 years old, diagnosed at 53. White-knuckling is how I roll, cracked a tooth from clenching my jaw too hard once. Stimming was beaten out of me at a young age. Being conscripted into the army, just after school didn't help at all. I am so tired, deep in my soul.

I'm female and my biggest mask is how I physically look. I can't hide my flat affect anymore. It seems to give people the impression that I'm snooty. Which I hate. At work I west sunglasses and loops and idfc who thinks it's weird anymore. I used to act kind of ditsy to cover for my overstimulation making me spacey.

Great video. It makes me remember life as a child. Things I haven't remembered in a long time. Thank you! Edit: I am so good at masking, I have been misdiagnosed many times. Although docs miss the true me, and I know myself more than they do for sure, I know ASD fits perfectly. I have to somehow know that this is who I am and it doesn't matter if I get an official diagnosis or not.

I don't think I fake my personality, but the ways I mask tend to be consciously doing things that are generally unconscious to most people. For example, I am genuinely interested in listening to someone, but it doesn't show on my face so I modify my facial expression and I look at them even though I can listen better if I'm not looking at them. I come up with scripts before a conversation, and I have imaginary conversations in my head so I'm prepared for almost anything that could come up in real conversation (like shadow boxing).

I think I can just be me at home with my dog. I don't think I'm me any other time. Even my meltdowns I can hold until I'm alone.

I am 34 and only officially diagnosed shortly after the start of the pandemic. It has been wild to realize how much I mask at home by myself and how much my mental health has improved as I slowly learn what parts of me are externally imposed and let myself be more authentic in MY OWN SPACE WITH NO ONE WATCHING. No wonder I spent so long exhausted and dead inside. I never dropped it. Never rested. Just allowing myself to get noise cancelling headphones and wear them when I wash the dishes has been a game changer. Yeesh. I'm loving this channel. It's very informative and validating.

I've never felt comfortable with myself. Sounds harsh but i don't typically feel like i fit just about anywhere.

I am just learning now that I've spent my entire life so far (I'm 50) masking and not Even realizing it. Becoming aware through therapy and on my way and on the wait list for some adhd or autism diagnosis. Im exhausted and questioning who the heck I am and who I've been this whole time. I feel like I've duped myself abd others. Thanks for your channel. It's important information

Idea/video request: Meltdowns/shutdowns, what they can look like (especially in verbal adults). They are referenced often but despite being diagnosed AuDHD at 5 I still found myself not knowing much about meltdowns outside the clichés NT society has spoonfed us. I think a video on the topic would fit your channel well style very well. Love what you do!

I realized recently that based on the muscle tension in various parts of a person's face, i can usually tell when they are being insincere. Because of this, i actually practiced smiling in the mirror so I could be more convincing. I think i went all these years undiagnosed because of my fear of not being accepted or fear of upsetting people. I've recently begun trying to drop my masking in most situations, like at work, or interacting with people for longer periods of time - but i don't mind flashing a quick smile or saying thank you to a cashier or salesperson. Those quick interactions, i got pretty good at - but it was very intentional.

Aaahhhh ! MAsking as a woman to "fit in " to the society's expectations without being your authentic self is so incredibly damaging to ourselves !!!!! GEtting bullied RIGHT NOW by the City for my ADA request to shield the bright lights around my house. It's horrible !

I can't believe I missed this video when it first went up! It was terrific. I honestly am so glad you were able to diagnose me because I feel like my mask was so solid.... But like you said, maybe only I THOUGHT it was! And oh yes, Unmasking has been a PROCESS. I do wish there was more after diagnosis support, but I do have a great therapist that is learning with me. I've been vlogging my experience on my channel from when you dx'd my teens, through my own "Am I Autistic?!" query and now this continued roller coaster of emotion felt by being a late diagnosed Austic woman. I hope my videos will help other AuDHD or Autistic people not feel so alone in this process, because like you said, finding our community is so important. Thank you for the video, your information is helpful and interesting.

masking is exhausting and i find that i get irritable and overstimulated by my surroundings. Its important for me because i can sometimes slip up and say things that are out of pocket on a whim. stuff that i may not realize is inappropriate for the situation.

Certain personality types seem like they naturally have most of these autistic traits you mention. INTP INFP INTJ INFJ. Just saying. Might be something to look into. Not saying they’re the only personality types that seem autistic or that all people with those personalities are autistic. But if you look at their personality profiles they all look a LOT like what is described as autism. Btw, personalities is a *serious* special interest of mine 😂 I am INFJ. Learning there were others like me and that I was actually not just some defective, broken human was the first time I felt ok and I actually sat on my floor and cried tears of relief after reading my personality profile and realized that I’m actually *so* *ok* and “normal” that they even have profile literature on people like me! We just happen to not be all that common and we tend to often present as rather “quirky” (that’s the term I’ve always been called by people who want to call me weird but not be mean about it).

Relating hard here. Working hard to do things others seem to do naturally, always looking at what others were doing and trying to mimic while trying to act like it's normal for me. Mostly in my childhood and early years, less severe now, but I'm 68 now. I have felt like what you are describing most of my life. Receded into addiction for almost 40 yrs. Only in treatment I started 5 yrs ago have I found some relief. An amazing counselor who was able to introduce to me the idea that I am NOT a piece of broken, defective useless garbage. I love her for everything she is in my life. She explained cognitive dissonance to me.

I don't usually recognize when I'm masking because I've done it for my whole life. When I have the freedom to stim though, I feel more comfortable not masking as much.

Okay, I just came back to check when the next video might be uploaded only to find out this one is 8 months old now....is there any news on when or if to expect new content? Really love your kind to talk about this topic & were looking forward to be part of that neurodiverse nation.

I subed because I enjoy the content presentation, I am feeling imposter syndrome post self-diagnosis, no one seems to believe me (including therapists), and there are not a ton of channels on this where the content creator is a licensed clinician. Thank you for these videos, I wish you success.

I really hope to see more content from you. I hope you haven't quit KZfaq. I was getting a lot of useful information from you and I really appreciated your perspective as an autistic person and as a doctor. I hope all is well with you.

When I was younger, I actually planned from one day to the next who I would decide to be, depending on who I would be around. I’d plan how I could play it out. Sometimes I thought I did such a good job of it, I did have fun and felt that I should get an academy award. These days, I’m much older and I’m struggling so much, it’s like the mask is just falling off and I can no longer keep it up. I am seriously burnt out and these days avoid people because I’m often a mess and need as much as a week to recover. I need a lot of time alone. I’m trying to be whoever it is I really am, it’s very challenging. Though I have to script a lot before I see people, the internal policing drives me crazy. I feel like I’m fighting to survive as myself now.

I’m sad you don’t upload anymore I love your videos :(

I have a hard time hearing you while trying not to listen to the music in the background, lol, but it's another great video! Thanks

I didn't think I was very good at masking until a recent situation where I was absolutely triggered and put on quite the performance. Absolutely and completely fooled my therapist who has known me for a year. After a few days passed, I talked to my therapist and explained thinking they must have seen through that. Nope. It actually kind of scared me. I think the mask was part CPTSD and part AuDHD because I went straight into protect myself mode.

Please continue to produce content. It’s so good!!!

What struck me most in this video was the being calm part. Or looking the part. I've been known as the calm, stoic what have you guy. It's such an effective universal mask. It's taken very positively at school, work, family dinners... Combine that with alexithymia it's also something to get lost in. Funny thing about smiling. I learnt as a kid at some point that I smile too much. At six years old or earlier. Took a while to learn to smile again. So in high school I was the calm guy who smiled serenely 😅 It was nice. I felt the most accepted I ever had.

I don’t even know when i’m masking, it’s so natural by this time (61). In fact i wonder where that ends, and the authentic me begins.

I once saw myself unmasking in a video record. I was invited to talk about my work in a local radio program and I decided to only be mindfull of my voice, the contend of the conversation and the microphone. Later I arrived to the office where the secretary was laughing at the "streamed video" of the recording booth. I was rocking in the chair, flapping my hands while talking, bouncing some times, wearing a baseball cap kind of hat... there were four cameras in the room. I only saw one and I thought it was a security camera. It would have been nice to be warned that they would be video streaming.

As someone diagnosed in kindergarten in the mid 90's, when the normal help for autism was therapy to be "more normal", i *definitely* mask. Major problem is i've been masking for so long, from such a young age, i don't quite know what all is a mask or isn't, or *how* to not mask anymore, and even the few people i'm close to wouldn't know i was autistic if it hadn't come up in conversation at some point.

I think that the higher trait openness, and the higher the IQ, the better the masking ( in general ). I'd be curious as to others opinions on that!

me and my friends often make the joke that im like a "mimic" because i naturally pick up on people's "quirks" and i tend to copy others "energy" and then when sometimes i get tired and i stop caring about everything and often wish that i could just die or run away from my problems.

Still hard to think I deserve ANYTHING, why do I deserve more understanding than a neurotypical person? Do they really suffer so much less? When I look around at my friend group, they all suffer. I just can't bring myself to see myself in a "worse" position, while I still relate to everything that you say about hurting and masking :( The Imposter is strong!

My journaling process became a documentary: "Was It Autism All Along?" available here on YT in 6 episodes. In Part 4, I explain how my former bosses used my theatrical experience against me, to force me to mask more than I was capable of. I say: "Stage acting has a time limit. Real-world acting doesn't."

Biggest problem for me: just by showing up to work I'm already being inauthentic; I have negative interest in being a wage-slave.

Your content is excellent. If you could get a better microphone for higher sound quality it would help grow your audience I think. 😊💕🌻

Dear Doctor. Our smiles are beautiful because they're authentic. We don't need to smile if its not right for us.

I loved your videos. They really helped me understand more about my autism. As for the masking I I felt like I can take I off when I'm home alone. Also I've alwaysed called it "wearing a tight shirt". There is one thing I wish to ask about. You see, I feel that there's a miscommunication between my thoughts and my hands or words. Like I can visualize what I want to draw on paper, but when I start to sketch it out, it looks nothing like what I imagined it to be. Another example is when I try to describe certain things or say the names of certain things tend to freeze up or slur my words. Sometimes I have to talk really slow to get out what I'm trying to say but half the time it doesn't work. This has often been a problem with my social experiences and sometimes mocked for. I've been wondering if this has to do with how my head is wired or if it's something I can learn to overcome.

wow, you put A LOT into this video. thank you. you help me relax more deeply & release self-criticism. Life isnt hopeless , no it's not!

The celebrating being you section legit made me cry in the middle of getting ready for work this morning 😭💕

I think I've been masking more than I've realized now that you explained it. When I got home from work I had no energy to do anything.

Just recently self diagnosed and I had been masking my whole life until just a few months ago. Now that I realize the part of my equation that was wrong was that I was fundamentally different and not like everyone else. Now the world and my previous life experiences make a lot more sense. Now that I’m aware of the mask I can interact with life with new license.

Coming out as bi later in life has been very similar to my current neurodivergent unmasking.

a friend of mine and I once went extreme masking for fun, we went somewhere and just went to act overly humanlike, so all the absurd things about humans like only caring about humans, war, fighting, walking in agressive ways, etc. so we would walk very weird and just say things like "human sound" "very normal" "normal people" "war, fighting" "human human human human" or something like that, kind of being the aliens who pretend to be human and are convincing but act it through way to far. the ways humans react is amazing since they often don't dare to react properly so you see it in their face and behaviour and such. so actually it is no longer needing to mask by just using intentionally overly extreme masking where it is more a joke of game to have fun, so you will have fun and do what you feel like which is making that act even more absurd.

I need more of your content. Please start making more!

Miss your content! Please come back soon ✌️💕🌻

I think the part of the video that spoke to me most intensely was when you mentioned about masking leading to depression… where can I learn more on this?

I act happy but am devastated inside by anxiety. I try to fit in, even if I don't understand. It exhausts me quite a bit.

I’m so good at masking that I used to answer survey and personality quizzes with the masked socially accepted answer instead of telling my autistic truth. It feels so freeing to now just answer these things with my true authentic neurospicy self. Lol.

Dr. Service, I can’t express my gratitude enough.

Met with a very old friend yesterday. “You’re always searching.” “You have a way of doing things that isn’t typical. It is interesting.” I still do feel a bit defined though.

You are so helpful to my specific case. The way you talk about this is perfect.

Your video is amazing. Gota applaud all the effort and level of attention given to all these mostly serious aspects of daily masking, and also for vulnerbly exposing yourself in most of your videos...👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 It shows a high level of self acceptance and authenticity. Yes masking is EXTREMELY exhausting and not always received positively in this world of emotional and social bullies. ASD + PTSD amongst constant highly critical people, can also really destroy an individual and leave them with all sorts of anxiety, depression and co-dependent tendencies... Yes! Dissociation and "Burnout" is also reality! And thereafter, the demanding stresses and expectations of having to explain ALL THIS mental chaos to close associates🙆🏻‍♀️🙆🏻‍♀️ THANK YOU! Your videos are definitely another resource to help us neurodivergents in clearly expressing our own position in life. Hopefully we can all proudly identify and achieve This level of accepting and portraying ourselfs, in aid of survival during our existence amongst the so-called "normal" society🤪

Thank you for this channel! Thank you for the content! Thank you for you! Our numbers are great... We ARE Neurodiverent Nation Strong✊

I just found your videos- these are some of the very best I’ve found on autism- probably because you’re one of us! 😉 As a late diagnosed autistic female recovering from severe burnout, I’d love to see someone make some basic workout videos tailored to their needs- Anything low-stim, yet encourages getting stronger and moving to combat the burnout would be soo useful! 😊. Thanks again for making these!

@NeurodivergentDoctor You look like a masked version of Dr. House. M.D. :) He's my autistic hero. Or anti-villain. I just found your KZfaq videos today. Holy shit! They're like a summary of my whole life's story. Profound! I have been diagnosed with ADHD, but the rabbit holes runs far deeper than I imagined. I AM on the fucking spectrum! I was still somewhat skeptical before today, having done a lot of research. To me this is confirmation.I hereby diagnose myself as being on the highly functioning end of the autism spectrum.

8 months since you last posted a video. I hope you are okay. I would love you to make a video about the high correlation between autism and gender dysphoria. Trying not to be transgender is like masking.

just found this channel and bummed that he seems to have stopped adding videos and his blog isn't active either now. :( I hope he's doing ok and i hope he knows that he has helped a lot of people. sorry if the youtube comments were too frustrating or the response wasn't enough to make up for the time spent, i can't imagine doing this kind of work because i definitely see how hard it is, but i am grateful that he did it for a while and i hope he's working on things that fulfill him and that help others, because he seems to genuinely care about the subject and subjects. thanks doc.

So what is the difference between masking and being polite. Using your own example, I may want to fart, I may think there is nothing wrong with it … but in considering others I will hold it back, mask it, it if I can.

I think I commented on another segment on this channel. I was enamored with music. I watched seasoned touring pros work an audience with their music, and with witty repartee between tunes. I wanted to do this. I first had to get comfortable just being on stage, and playing my instrument... Eventualy I tried copying the material of my heroes.... It worked. Eventually, I wore the figurative mask, looking people in the eye, being self-confident, strong body language. When working, I'd behave this way until I got in my car to go home. Now, I can turn it on and off depending on the situation... but when home, alone, I'm back to good ol me.... i love solitude... but also enjoy wearing the mask. I'm old now, and am beginning to be mindful of assertive male behavior... I've things to get done and it involves being in control of situations that will advance my life. I am amazed that people respond to me after years of being a scared wallflower. Then, I figured out that this is how the world really operates...imagine that.

My favorite part of this video was the Spooky Skeleton gag when the vid was released Jan 2nd. Somehow, for me, it eked out over the fantastic commentary about masking.

I work in customer service and I am really good at being personable and aimiable when on the phone with customers. Being afraid to pick up the phone is the one thing I do not have. I even moved on to a position where I train my colleagues to have good phone conversations and skills. You can train yourself in this. Being autistic does not mean you cannot learn these things. You can.

I completely relate to having learned to be personable. I work in mental health and can be very personable and attune to others well. It's not fake but I had to learn it. It's more around peers I don't know very well where I have a total mask.

Autistic Unmasking is actually scary, based on the consequences of being socially bullied and/or accepted by everyone. Being rejected or abandoned because of your identity is NOT fun, and mainly the reason for Masking I think. Tool for survival🤷‍♂️ WOW😔The concept/need of Belonging and Acceptance is GREATLY underestimated.

My entire life I’ve called myself a chameleon. I had no idea I was AuDHD. Now it all makes sense. Now, to figure out who I am without masking 🤔

I think everyone masks. You can easily be too analytical on being autistic. I realized I'm autistic just recently, and im in my 60s. What seemed to bring me to reality was discovering pot. It was like an awakening.

I love your content. It's helping me understand myself and my diagnosis. These comments make me feel not alone. Thank you ❤ .

great video! i've always thought my masking is perfect until people around me started asking questions or just straight up mocking my fidgeting/stims. never ever been diagnosed with autism and i dont think i want to, at least not really. but if you dont have an official diagnosis, people don't believe because "you're not autistic enough" (whatever that means) the world we live in, huh /sad

I am seriously considering to make watching one of your videos while getting ready in the morning my new (probably) temporary routine. They make me feel really comfortable with myself, something I hardly ever new growing up, and are just such a pleasant mix of information and empathy. Thank you 🤗 - a fellow AuDHDer (f, late 20s)

After surviving a lot of peril I've kind of given up on masking for the most part - I never was very good at it... The adhd combined with poor masking skills are a disaster... when I get around people -I get excited to have some sort of comeraderie and wind up talking at them instead of with them. It comes.of as narcissistic which is not the case. If anything its a mix of sometimes lonliness and insecurity. I used to thrive in circles where i made a living doing the things i love. Now that I cant I dont have those circles to talk about them. It alienates people and i understand it. So other than going to work it seems best to kind of distance from everyone now.

Tysvm for this video. I am slightly jealous of Audrey 2 in the background. I hope this video finds you doing well. Your videos are really helping me. I hope you make more.

George Carlin could perform in front of thousands but was afraid of groups. He could not converse with a group.

I can't even tell if I'm masking anymore.

Love your sense of humor 😂

17:45 _"belonging and fitting in..."_ I just want to call attention to the difference between these two seemingly identical concepts. Belonging means that you are your true self and you feel truly accepted. Fitting in means that you are altering yourself in order to be accepted. Fitting in involves masking. Belonging does not!

You absolutely sound like Mr Rogers!!! And thank you for your videos. They are soooooo helpful

The things you listed in the first section, what is masking, I lived the vast majority of my life assuming this is simply what all people did and I admired most normal people for being so good at it when I found it so tiring

I was diagnosed in kindergarten. My mask is being stoic, it consists of one facial expression (no smile, no frown, just a blank expression) As I don’t know what to do with my hands, I just clasp them behind my back (military style) Though my strongest mask only hides my biggest autistic traits. (78% still leak through. So it’s all or nothing) I’ve only recently discovered that masking is a thing. And I have always done it (unaware) whenever I’m in the presence of any other person (including my mom, who is generally very supportive of my autism) At most (with the mask) it takes about an hour or two for people to realize I’m autistic (normally with negative reactions) so I just include it in my introduction (which helps in 2/5ths of situations. But at least gets it out of the way before anything really starts) Otherwise I try to avoid going out as much as possible. Though that doesn’t decrease my masking as my younger brother sleeps in my room. So I’m seldom alone. Though I did get to spend about 3 weeks by myself when they had to go out of town a while back. And I succeeded in (and I’m quoting my joke) “loosening my mask a little” though now my mom sometimes complains that I’m taking too fast. Also my mask doesn’t work for a few hours if I’m abruptly woken up/had bad sleep, or if I get way too excited. When I do leave the house, I also wear a black hat and glasses, and maybe a hoodie if it’s going to rain. (Thanks to my SPD rain feels like getting shot by a paintball gun at point blank. And that’s light rain. And because of this I can’t take showers, I can bathe myself though, just no sprinkling water! And greenhouse water misters feel like how people describe being in a sandstorm “like it’s trying to skin me alive”)

I can't work alongside adults. I've spent my working life putting on a cheerful outgoing mask, but still they see through me and I get bullied, abused, harassed or given the silent treatment. So now I only work with kids, as an on-call nanny. They are happy little people and don't have hate. 😅 What's with the hate? It's illogical.

It feels like I am masking 24/7! It's really stressing me out! The only time I can be myself is when I am alone in a room.

"That's right Wendy, We aaallll wear masks. metaphorically speaking..."

I couldn't agree more with everything you're saying in this video - thank you so much for shining your fabulously quirky and intelligent charm to these videos as well. I dig it 🤘

What’s great is when you mimic someone’s speech and they get annoyed by it.

Your videos are AMAZING. So helpful 😍

Use specifically diffrent types of clothes which are tailored to the situation and have realized the power of colour and habit in colour. Also noticed I can’t blend in so I use it to standout using colors that I actually like and makes me more accessible and are probably more me than the colors I use when I’m off … diffrent projections of me. Why I started to mask ? My dad was violent and I didn’t want to die or my mother to die. My mom even said when she put on her make up that she was putting on her mask. Like me I think she had autism and most likely add.

But but but, Invisibility is my SUPER POWER!

I have masked since 6th grade, and on up until I turned 50, now I try to except who i am .