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Alternate title. Being personally attacked by a person with a soothing voice for 5 minutes and 20 seconds

I hate it because it's like I WANT friends, but at the same time I don't want people to talk to me? Shucks

Small anecdote: Was with a girl I really liked and had for years. We started dating and I always told myself that if I ever had a girl sing a specific song to me I would marry her on the spot. Well, it happened, and I started panicking, in my chest I could feel that I wasn’t ready for that kind of closeness/openness. The one thing I thought I had wanted for so long was finally happening and I was shaking with fear.

The shallow relationship one hit WAY too close to home. When I look at the people around me, I see degrees of such intense closeness that are apparently a thing, but that I couldn't even imagine for myself, and I struggle (to not say I am unable) to understand how people create such ties. It makes me jealous and angry at the same time; I want to experience intimate friendships and relationships myself, and yet I am downright disgusted by what I hear/see from other people who are close to one another. "How the hell can you bear talking about such things?! It's no one's business!" kind of deal. I hate it, and it's one of the few reasons I've always felt like I'm a weird human being.

It's like wanting to love and interact with others, but interacting with them subconsciously triggers your flight/fight responsive.

“Hey honey, why don’t you ever invite your friends over for your birthday?” Me: “Idk man we’ve only known each other for like 3 years.”

trying to date someone with this attachment style is pure hell, i was seeing this person and we inmediately clicked, whenever we spent some time together it felt so good and they were so nice to me, after that i started to realize they were never gonna let me in, i was very understanding and kind, when we started getting closer i could feel how he would do anything to avoid it happening, not even looking at me in the eyes or wanting to engage in conversation about feelings, telling me how he doesnt like being around people, that he doesnt trust anyone, etc, etc. but i could feel he was craving love and affection yet pushing me away whenever i offered that, after i told him how i felt he started reaching out to me less often, but he said it wasnt because of me he just "likes to be alone" a lot of the time, and it kinda sucks, i feel they punish me or hate me just because i like them and im just done, so i stopped replying over all and now we dont talk, its a shame because we both knew it could have been a good thing but he is not ready to start working on himself, and im not interested in fixing something i didnt break because i get damaged in the process.

I think another reason why avoidant attachment style exists is social bullying. As for me, I've been socially bullied before (talked about, left out, randomly ditched/not talked to, etc.) so when you start to develop another friendship, you feel like that you can't open up because you don't want that to happen again. You weigh your words, you carefully decide what to share and what to keep to yourself, and whenever I make a mistake, I'm worried that I was too vulnerable/emotional. I always wanted to be more cold and careless so I could build a wall for people who think they can get to me. I never liked naturally being an emotional person, since it made me feel like I was weak and naïve. I'm better now, with some exceptions of my weak points. Social bullying has taken a pretty big toll on me, but I'm happy to work to the ground up now. :)

i told my mom i was an introvert, and her response was "no you're not." okay mother, i guess im not an introvert now. truly, thank you for enlightening me.

Man, I'm so excited about dying alone.

I wasn't neglected in my childhood, on the contrary, I was overly protected. My parents worried too much about me and were blaming me for worrying them. So I've always been keeping my pain, physical and emotional, inside. I struggle to tell about how I feel even to a doctor. I either try to cover up any issue with jokes, or feel like I'm gonna cry if I'm trying being serious. It's all the same even if I'm just telling a doctor that my stomach hurts. This video helped me to realize the cause of my behavior. And actually O collected a bingo of symptoms shown here...

This video made me tear up, because it described my entire life, but I swear that I will beat it

Who else wants videos on the other attachment styles?

I feel so uncomfortable when someone tries to be intimate w me but I crave it in my head it’s good but the execution of it makes me feel horrible, MAN

I’m so uncomfortable getting close to new people. They always disappoint me or end up judging me. They’re never as good as they seem and they never love me how i am. I’m too much for them and they don’t understand how needy and insecure i am. When they don’t know me, I’m stronger and less vulnerable. I don’t need validation from people i don’t care about. Don’t hurt me i just can’t take it again.

I believe my avoidance began with my own mom. My mom has always been extremely emotional and was very depressed for most of my life, and as a child I felt like I had to be her rock or support. I think this made me associate expressing negative emotions as bad, weak, and burdensome to others since that’s how my mom made me feel. I decided at a young age that if I expressed my own negative emotions to another person I would make them feel how my mom made me feel so I avoided my negative emotions and only expressed my positive ones. There were times that I would go to school so upset and unable to focus on my work because I spent the entire previous night watching my mom sob uncontrollably therefore making me sad. I wish to overcome this as I know now the importance of expressing ALL of my emotions to another person in order to establish a deep connection with them and for someone to get to know me as a person better. Being vulnerable is my biggest weakness and almost feels impossible to do.

This attachment style has literally fucked up my life.

It's so ironic because I love the idea of being in a secure relationship with a loving partner but when anyone shows the slightest interest in me I completely retract out of fear of being vulnerable and intimate and convince myself I don't like them without even giving them a chance. I'm literally sabotaging my own life.

Hardest part of dating an avoidant for me was the lack of emotional support when I needed it. If I was low, sad and or in distress, she would not be able to provide me any words of support, encouragement or empathy. Not even physical contact like giving me a hug and holding me while I cried. Nothing. She was triggered by my emotions. It felt so lonely. I knew right then and there her and I would not work out in the long run. Not because she didn't care, but she just didn't have it to give.

it honestly is very frustrating. i've always dreamed of having deep talks, having serious conversations about values with others, but whenever the topic heads there, i never feel "safe". there was one time when i talked about what i truly felt to my best friend for years while we were hanging out together. that time, i surprisingly felt relieved, but of course it didn't last long. when we part that day, i regret everything that i've said, and i don't even know why. it's not like i worry if she would tell my "secrets" (it wasn't even a secret in the first place, just my honest feeling abt a matter) to others (i know for sure she won't), but i feel anxious nevertheless. maybe it's because i'm afraid of being vulnerable. and after i found out about this attachment style, it feels really something to finally be able to give this feeling a name. i wonder what should i do to improve myself though, being avoidant feels "secure" and alright to me now, but surely this will affect my future relationships😅 i hope everyone here can find solutions and improve the quality of your relationships. good luck!

If there’s no one close to me, then there’s no one that can hurt me. But I hurt myself while simultaneously protecting myself.

I have so many mental problems I’m surprised that I’m still alive

I’m an INFJ and most likely have this avoidant attachment and I constantly struggle with longing for/ forming deep relationships but at the same time fearing that I’m being “too open.” It’s a very strange and depressing reality. 😔

A friend of mine has a serious avoidant personality. This video helps me understand him better. I am naturally patient with him but he seriously got out of line that I almost started to have anxious attachment style because of him. But I chose to be more understanding and explain to him in a more vulnerable way how his actions affected me. And despite trying my best to understand him, only recently I found out about these attachment styles and it sure does make a lot of sense on why he acted that way towards me. I want to help him, but I know I cant help him if he doesn't want my help. I hope he would let me in. Because no matter what people around us tell us how idiotically patient I am with him, and how he is just like that, I believe in him. So, if anyone's out there needed these words, "Someone believes in you, someone is patient enough for you to take those steps. Baby steps if you must, but they will be there for you, cheering you up."

"internally punish yourself for being vulnerable" excuse me who gave you the right to call me out?

Does feeling comfortable with strangers, but the moment you feel connected to them you start feeling uncomfortable and try to shut yourself away from them count..?

Growing up, I wanted friends, but it seems as if I was either rejected by a friend over another person, or locked out by cliques. When I became older in high school and had an expanded peer group, I found myself completely oblivious to those who wanted my genuine friendship. Has anyone else had this experience? How did you overcome this?

I've always wondered why I was so fearful of getting close to others. I had no idea such terms for a condition (or attachment style) existed. But nearly all of these describe me. I had a rough childhood, but it wasn't exactly awful. I still have trouble showing my emotions to family or others because I feel it makes me look weak. Also every relationship I develop with someone ends up fading over time due to lack of interest on my part where I just sort of start ghosting people for no reason other than emotional attachment making me feel uncomfortable. It doesn't work this way with romantic relationships, only friendships. I don't want to get too close to who I deem my friends because it sounds weird to me.

Who else did the following: 1. Ghosted internet friends 2. Has more acquaintance friends than real ones, if any. 3. Would rather spend painstaking hours figuring something out than ask for help. 4. Cannot express your emotions to others accurately. 5. Feels like a secret agent. 6. Wants someone to get so close to them, but realizes the painful consequences of this. 7. Would rather be alone then surrounded by people and their judgments. 8. Is seen as being cold, strange, unemotional, and mean just for not being emotionally expressive. 9. Hyperanazlyes anything they do that may leave a trace of their emotions, e.g., deletes any video on avoidant attachment in case a sibling or a friend somehow see it on your watch history 10. Finds Bebe Rexha’s “Me, Myself, and I” song to be your anthem. Wow over 700 people feel this way. I’m glad I’m not alone in this and I hope the number comforts you all too that you’re not alone either. 💜

the fact this was in my recommended.. i love being personally attacked by the youtube algorithm. 😍😍

I fell in love with a wonderful avoidant girl, she's the best girl I've ever met in my life. I recognize all these signs, and it's so critical for me be near her. But I cannot help but loving her, I like so much to embrace , letting her know that someone in the world really love her

a few years ago i would have agreed with most of these points, but now i think i'm midway between Avoidant dismissive and secure so i'm happy about this. it took me dealing with a partner who was way more avoidant than me to actually sit down and try to understand myself and her better. to anyone reading this, you got this! acknowledging your attachment style is definitely step 1 for healing

For me it’s complicated. I love the fantasy of a relationship, I want to open up to someone, I want to be emotionally attached, but I’m so isolated from everyone that I can’t even communicate with others. My voice fails me and I can’t even talk to my friends sometimes. And because of that I’ve resorted to online friendships because it’s the only way I can open up and be social :/

"Do you secretly look down on people who depend on others?" Nope...I do that openly.

I just realized that I have this yesterday. And the worst part is that I don't know how it happened because I love my parents and they have worked sooo hard to give me everything that I needed. And to think that they somehow neglected my feelings on early childhood (unintentionally) just breaks me. I knew that there was something wrong with me, I wish I'd known sooner.

This is me, with the exception that I'm not generally critical of others, I can see their flaws but refuse to see them as a bad thing.

Bruh, now I know why I can't have a good & stable relationship with anyone.

I change gyms, change jobs and relationships frequently because I become so uncomfortable when people attach to me. I desperately want connection but when I get it, I feel overwhelmed and I can’t stand it. So, I run. I’m so exhausted now. I want to stop running.

I enjoyed watching this! Now I can confirm I'm really closed off but all of it stemmed from my childhood. I always said to myself it's okay to not have parents but it actually left me with trauma. Knowing this is enough to start on my Recovery journey. Thank you for making this video! ❤️

My parents are narcissistic doctors. They both put in a lot of hours and didn't spend a lot of time with me when I was a young child. I remembered when I was growing up, my dad was usually an hour late picking up from school or whatever activity I was involved in. It came to a point where I couldn't rely on them, and had to stop participating in extra-curricular activities. I was always told to stop crying when I was hurt. I was always told to figure things out on my own. I was always criticized. I'm 41 years old right now and the longest relationship I've been in was 3 months. This video certainly explains a lot. I've been going to therapy for around 7 years now. I hope I can be repaired and be in a real loving relationship.

summary of the video: 1. You were emotionally neglected in your childhood 2. You tend to suppress your emotions 3. You have trouble with emotional intimacy 4. You have extreme boundaries 5. You have shallow relationships 6. Strong independence 7. You have trust issues 8. You’re critical of yourself and others Recommend watching to learn more

This entire comment section is so relatable and this actually makes me feel nice in a way that i am not the only one suffering, we are all in this together.

This is me building invisible walls to anyone who wants to get close to me.I want that “space” from everyone but I also crave to build meaningful connections…

This fits me perfectly. I never realized or cared enough to face it because I never let myself like anybody, I was completely content just never thinking about being in a relationship. Until I met the sweetest boy who blindsided me. He came into my life and unexpectedly got so close to me. We became close friends first and recently confessed. He’s so sweet and a relationship-type person who freely gives out his love. I just wish I could give him back the same. I’ve just been terrified of the feelings I have for him. I’ve fought so hard to not have them. What’s crazy is this has all come to me and I’m insanely lucky yet all I want in the world is for him to lose feelings or reject me so I can move past this instead of having to take the plunge.

"One cannot be betrayed if one has no people." - Mr. Kobayashi, THE USUAL SUSPECTS

This attachment style feels like being on survival mode. Used to be more open and expressive as a child, but due to my traumatic experiences, I developed this style. I find it to hard to be vulnerable or even sharing my emotions, unless that person is trustworthy.

Watching this makes me realize how far I have come to being emotional vulnerable. I was hyper-independent from a young age. I have learned to be more open, but I still feel easily suffocated by too much affection or an easily drained emotional support battery

The person’s voice and speaking rhythms are so natural. Easy to listen to, unlike those videos where every pause is cut out. Thanks!

does anyone else w an avoidant attachment style constantly find themselves sabotaging their own relationships???? whenever i get close to someone i always have to fight the urge to become distant from them or overly critical of them bc emotional intimacy makes me want to die/throw up/move countries like. so many of my friendships i’ve ended bc ive been unable to deal w my issues and get over it and i feel like such a bad person :(

“Why are you so secretive with your emotions?” Me: *flashbacks to my dad laughing at me for being sad* Me: uhh no reason

I was always ignored by my parents when expressing negative emotions like sadness or anger, left to deal with it by myself. Now I really struggle to build relationships with people... It sucks.

you can really tell when these videos hit JEEZ. i just start crying half the time cause i think i have a more secure hold on myself. thank you so much for these videos

The problem for me is that I really want deep relationships and crave that kind of connection. But it absolutely repulses me to be vulnerable with people. I get grossed out and embarrassed that I opened up to where I get distant until I’m ready to be closer to them again but not too close. It’s honestly so hard to change because if I try and be vulnerable I have to deal with how I feel about myself and I tend to like the other person less just for being there and listening. While staying where I am, I’m at least comfortable and can keep a friendship at an arms length.

I hate people who're like having a boyfriend/girlfriend is thier only reason to live. Its annoying sometimes. Edit: Hate is too much of a strong word, thanks for the peeps in comments lol. I dislike it because in my family, most of them would rather a partner than education and it throws me off why they do it, kinda sad tho

It's only been 2 months since I got together with a dismissive-avoidant partner. I have an anxious attachment style, so it is kind of very hard for the both of us. I'm just starting to learn about attachment theory, and somehow, it makes me feel better to know that she is not necessarily "faking her feelings", but instead I understood that it was only a difference in our attachment styles. It makes me hopeful to know that some couples get better through time and mutual work.

As a girl who grew up with 4 brothers, mom was the bread winner and she was in the military when she was my age, caused a LOT of toxic masculinity problems within me and I find it so hard to explain bc people say girls cant have that but they definitely can. And I think it's the worst when a girl/woman has toxic masculinity when it comes to feelings and emotions bc we're suppose to express them the most ):

I didn’t even realize, but this all makes sense. I don’t like to be vulnerable, crying, or ever showing weakness in general. It takes long for me to get close to anyone and when I do end up sharing something that I consider weakness, I start to distance myself. I internally cringe at the thought of someone knowing my emotional vulnerabilities whether I’ve known them for 10 years or 6 months. My father always did tell me never to cry in front of people and that I was too sensitive as a child, my mother said similar things like I was too emotional and she wouldn’t ever listen to why I was upset, that could be a reason why I don’t like asking for help or being emotional with people

“Did you recognize any of these signs in yourself?” **sweats profusely**

I never thought it'll end up this extreme to me. Over these past years ive been vocal of my feelings to my friends however, none of them comforted me the same way i did for them when they are struggling. I was also open in showing emotions but my relatives somehow made it seem like it's uncomfortable or made fun of me. And now ive become so avoidant of people and my emotion; im becoming more apathetic and my avoidant attachment is strong. Ithink it's for the better; that's a price im willing to pay for my own peace and sanity

When I was younger, I always thought this was a male trait but now in my 40s I find myself a fearful avoidant. It's quite an epiphany to recognize this in myself.

Trust issues are weird. I don't mistrust others in the sense that I think they'll intentionally hurt me. I just don't trust them to take care of me better than I could, or in a way that I need. In my mind, only I can do that.

Hard-core avoider here, life is easier when you don't rely on others.

The accuracy of this in my life makes me literally want to cry. This explains so much, and I can see it over the span of my life. I’ve been trying to work on it, but it’s always there.

Honestly i clicked on this video because i already knew that i would match with it. I'm literally laughing about it. Man I'm indeed traumatized i guess 😐 And the worst part is i matched with literally everything 😶

Don't forget about comforting yourself by "creating" your own best friend no one knows about Edit: Welcome like-minded people, you're not alone anymore

Someone: "Id like to get to know you more !" My brain: AAAAAAAAAH MAYDAY MAYDAY RUUUUN

I'm surprised because I clicked on this video thinking I'd learn something about some of my problems (avoidance sounds quite accurate), but every single trait described in the video actually matched with a friend. Thanks

Every day I think more and more that I have this attachment style. Watching this has definitely helped. Although, I don’t have a lot of neglect trauma. I mean, my last relationship was great, and then they started avoiding me and I was really stressed out about it. A few weeks later we broke up, and I still don’t completely know why. This was a year and a half ago, and is the time since I have been on a constant internal rerouting journey that takes so much energy out of me. It’s hard. It’s even harder to think realistically about getting into another relationship again, even just a friendship. I have such high standards of how my life should be by watching my sister succeed in every. Single. Little. Thing. She. Does. I am chronically jealous of her, and that is so selfish and I shouldn’t be, but I am. I’m a horrible person. I just want love, but I crave a love so specific that it’s just become a daydream at this point. I can’t… I just can’t. When I was a kid, I watched all the princess movies, all the Disney stuff, and it tricked me into thinking that that was how love was always supposed to be. With that relationship that I had, it was so magical and life changing, and I felt safe and loved and secure and imagined living out the rest of my life with them. I put all of my trust and hope and love into it, and it ended. A part of me went missing afterwards. I still haven’t found it yet. And I’m giving up on trying anymore. I have formed major trust issues, emotional wounds, insecurities, melancholic tendencies and closed off behavior not from the relationship itself, but from the heartbreak journey of the aftermath. I am so sorry for anyone that had to read this, please have a good day/night. Sending love ♥️ Edit: for anyone that has found this comment a year later, I am so happy and proud to say that I have healed. My passion for the world and all its beauty has been completely revived by the wonderful life of nature. I found myself in spirituality and in falling back into God, and I have discovered that I was never broken, that I have always been whole; I just had to find what I thought was missing deep inside myself. I am now in a committed, long term relationship. I’ve found a passion for Life, for the green of the world, and for myself. There are still hard, difficult times, but I have learned from the worse experiences, and now feel prepared to keep moving forward. Though likely not many people will come across this message, I would like to say: Don’t give up completely. There’s always something to Love, and pure Love will always lead to better things. Much Love ♥️

I’m afraid to get attached to people because I’m afraid of the damage that detachment could do. I know, ironic.

It's actually so frustrating bc I want to compliment people, hug people, show affection and have heart to heart conversations but when the opportunities come, that sounds like the most terrifying thing to do and I just become so closed off. So people probably think i'm super judgemental or avoiding them but i'm really just TERRIFIED of getting close to anyone, even my family. And at the same time all I want is to be close to someone. It's incredibly frustrating because it feels like i'm never going to meet someone who understands this. I wonder if this is something I can change or just forever part of my personality..

I love my parents, but the older I am, the more I realize they (especially my dad) emotionally neglected me. I was never showed support if I was afraid, if I was sad. I was punished for feeling scared or angry (I feel like my dad was raising me like a son, you know, boys are taught to ''man up'', don't cry because men don't cry, if I was scared of neighbor kids bullying me, he'd told me to stop acting like a p*ssy). The only person who'd show me any kind of emotional support was my older sister, so god knows how more messed up would I have been without her. I want a close relationship, I want to date someone, but the second I have to be vulnerable my subconscious response it: ''DO NOT tell them anything. They will make fun of you, use it against you, realize you're sick and will run away. Do NOT tell them anything.'' It's exhausting.

As someone with a primarily more anxious attachment style, these videos helps so much with understanding my avoidant friends/loved ones since i know its hard for them to express it themselves

I dated a girl with this attachment type, she was beautiful in every way but had serious underlying issues. I really wanted the relationship to work but I found myself confused and blaming myself all the time for things she’d do, but she was just protecting herself. For example if I mentioned another date she’d say she isn’t feeling it, but then give me subtle hints (not actual direct hints) that she’s still into me. It was exhausting, I didn’t know to stay or to go, I felt so bad everyday because I’d blame myself for things I’d said which could have upset her, but it was just her being avoidant. Just a warning for those seeking a relationship with this attachment type.

Lol the funny thing about this is that when you do try to break down those walls and actually try to be open to those who trust you and you want to trust they don't listen so what's the point of doing it in the first place. Besides then you gotta deal with a whole lotta self deprecation after and that's really exhausting on its own.

I once had a friend who was like this, we had a strong friendship for a couple of years but eventually the avoidance was so intense it made her completely end the friendship, unfortunately.

Wow right in the feels, wish I'd had this knowledge years ago it would have helped alot. The amount of times people who've invited me to join them and I just backed off and walked away because I didn't trust to the point of being fearful of having friends.

Who else felt like they never had a real best friend in the group they hang out with? 😅. Ive always felt like i dont belong. It's like whenever i get close to someone, it'll reset in a day or two and I get shy all over again. Pretty weird.

Wait. *there's a name for that* *I HAVE BEEN LIED TO MY ENTIRE LIFE* *_I SWEAR I TOUGHT I WAS JUST BEING DRAMATIC_*

You really asked me if I enjoyed being read? No girl I did not. But I have to admit your video was more understanding. Thank you

I don't always think someone that has problems and trauma at a young age is always because of parental neglect, but more often is because of the way they socially interact with kids at a young age. I feel like this channel fails to mention it a lot. For instance, I was severely bullied and taken advantage of due to having a disability i couldn't control. I acted weird and hyper a lot. I slowly became more mature, but also more and more depressed. I became quiet and overly reserved not ever wanting to disclose my feelings to others. I had tried to be in a relationship, but didn't show them enough attention to start any meaningful conversations. I don't like to share my feelings, but i enjoy to think of a secure relationship. Odd and Ironic, I know, but how does this work?

It feels like Psych2Go is spying on me since childhood.

I really want a relationship where I can share these things, but it feels like crossing an impossible bridge. It's never the right time, or i don't want to burden others, or it would change a positive opinion into maybe a more concerned opinion. So it stays surface level where it's comfortable for everyone, and no one person knows everything

Why did I cry watching this? Each and every points resonates w me

I feel so called out by this video. In my parents' defense though, they never neglected me in any way. It was my experiences with peers growing up that was the more likely culprit. I would be much worse off without my parents support.

Maybe my “disconnect until you’re ready to reconnect”, isn’t as amazing as I thought it was.

I have an anxious attachment style but I’m watching this because I dealt with an avoidant person

Idk that unconciously I had this through my adulthood. I'm crying while watching this, because I feel like a broken machine and something is wrong with me.

It's so important to understand that in order to pick up our relationships wisely. Don't blame yourself for it, don't blame your parents for it. Instead, identify it and work on it.

Does anyone feel like a different person when they’re in public vs when they’re alone? Not that I’m two faced and act differently when I’m around different groups of people, but the person i project into the world is completely different than the actual person I am. On top of that its almost as if my emotions completely turn off. I am unable to cry, or be sad when I’m around anyone even my family. Not that I wont let myself cry but I’m incapable of feeling emotion. I want to stop this but I don’t know how or why I’m like this

having a negligent/abusive narcissistic mother was *INCREDIBLY* detrimental to my socialization - I literally just had an epiphany yesterday, realizing that the reason why I’m so drawn to isolation is because I’m scared that everyone I interact with is going to treat me like my mom - which is not true - healing is a process that I am wholly worthy of, however I am more than likely going to have to move out/cut off my relatives WAY sooner than I thought, just to escape the toxicity and finally feel comfortable healing and forming healthy attachments 👩🏿

After a break up these videos are helping me to understand a lot more his reasons to leave… feels as though your loved one is being kept from you by a stronger force they can’t control. Helps have compassion on them.

ah, the eternal question: am I aromantic or do I just reject any kind of intimacy?

Me: has every sign Also me: this is fine.

I've never heard of this thing before and yet I fit every single points in this video

This one. Makes me feel secure within myself while knowing I am not secure outside myself.

I'm not playing "hard to get", I'm struggling. Having this attachment style is hard and makes you feel like maintaining any kind of relationship is impossible and dangerous, on top of that, I am like this bcuz of traumatic experiences that have scarred me and I have to carry them everyday too. If i gather the strength to start a romantic relationship with someone the least that I hope from them is to understand that my boundaries and behavior are not an act of "playing hard to get" or trying to be "cryptical", and when I open up about this, is not a "special" moment that we are sharing as a couple, it's a warning of what you're gonna have to deal with if this relationship is to continue. Just thought I leave this here, I'm venting, but it might be useful for people who don't struggle with this but are in a relationship with someone who does.

Getting attached to closely to someone could result in becoming sad when that person isn't talking to u or isn't around, plus usually they would end up learning more about you which means u are vulnerable to them and at some point they could use whatever they know about u against u

Dismissive avoidant here. I turned down everyone who's been interested in me. Someone I used to have a crush on even confessed to me twice and I did nothing. I crave love and affection so badly but I am convinced they will all leave once they learn what I'm really like. I'm not the chill hot girl they have in mind, I'm just an anxious ball of mess with a mental illness and a chronic physical one as well

Starting to realize I’m probably fearful avoidant. Now starts the process of healing and addressing this. Great to see other people commenting and sharing their feelings on the matter