thx for the video I just contacted a professional to help figure this out

I took an online personality test this morning. According to the test I'm 61% Schizoid 50% Avoidant. 44% Schoizotypal. 36% Borderline 32% Paranoid. 22% OCD 17% Nasisistic 16% Dependant. 13% Histrionic 7% Anti Social.

I took an online personality test this morning. According to the test I'm 61% Schizoid 50% Avoidant. 44% Schoizotypal. 36% Borderline 32% Paranoid. 22% OCD 17% Nasisistic 16% Dependant. 13% Histrionic 7% Anti Social.

Thank you for making this video. I got 5-6 out of these 7. I've been struggling for years trying to pinpoint why I'm so different from others. Doing things said to boost confidence without knowing what I'm dealing with. I'll reach out for help after quarantine.

Hello Dr Tracy can one person be both avoidant and clingy because I'm usually avoidant but when someone ignores me multiple times I feel a strong urge to ask them what happened and cling to them though I don't do it. But it occupies all my attention and mind.

I have some sympathy with your point of view. Dealing with people can be tough except we forget sometimes that we are people too!

Perhaps you’re just an introvert. There’s nothing wrong with that. ♥️

Patricia N Amen, me too. The older I get the less the will to even try

Yes!

Patricia N older people are exhausting to me. That’s because I take care of elderly people with dementia....and they are exhausting

Bingo! That's how I feel. Social Anxiety/ major depression. It's sucks ass so bad

Yep, it's like standing stationary on a train station platform, and just watching the trains of life pass you by, year after year, but you are too terrified to ever get into any of the trains.

My people! Let's get so sick of it, get some kind of kick in the ass or motivation and figured out our strengths and weaknesses and just do the damn work to strengthen them and not stress we can't do it all

@@triffid68 no im sorry if it came off wrong, just saying i know I have work to do and I get hard on myself for preferring being alone and not be willing to get out there and be comfortable. Oh I had to look that up and I think I was growing up, didn't mean to spread it

@@triffid68 meant no harm, I gotta speak my mind though. We had a l misunderstanding but you also pointed out something I missed, our conversation gave outside insight

This sums me up too. I'm now 47 and the last 20 years I've only existed. I haven't been living b

I totally get you. I just thought it was me. I’m lonely all the time. Panic if I have to go as a couple to a social event

Dude you hit it right on the head. I'm 35 and U just described me exactly. Why do we ghost people? I'm doing it right now. I'm gonna change tomorrow..

@@SevenCostanza I burn so many bridges, it's crazy. I am down to one friend. I cut off all contact with family (siblings) over a decade ago. It is next to impossible for me to heal a relationship when something goes wrong. I am pretty much through with people when that happens. Intellectually, I know it's not healthy to be so isolated, but at the same time, it's hard to form relationships when you know at some point, down the road it is going to blow up.

@@snu3877 it's just blows up cuz of us though . Like it's probably not a big deal for most people. We can't let go off things. Maybe we should find friend like each other on this comment section.

That may also be social anxiety disorder/panic attack disorder. ❤

Scary isn't it the computer knows us better than we know ourselves.

😆😆😆

It kind of hurts doesn't it? 😂😂

Who you tellin??? I want to know who told YT to put this in my recommended videos🤨. What they trying to tell a sista???

Same. I’m officially freaked out

Yes! This is me to the T!

That's a great point

Thank you

Hey look it's me

Yes... true... and at other times, it is because it is you who is so in desperate need to be seen that you don't know how to keep healthy boundaries... and you prefer to stay alone not to cling to anyone.

Your answer is Jesus.

danilaroche1156 I don’t think Jesus will help in this case as “he” doesn’t even intervene when children are being abused and that’s just one example! However my message to Pochitaman30 is you are not alone, I’ve had to endure chronic depression and social avoidance at all costs for a long time and it can be very debilitating. Try to keep your head up, keep occupied and be a friend to yourself. Not everyone is even worthy of your friendship Sir! All the best. 👍👍

It's human & natural to doubt God. Why this? Why that? I don't have all the answers but I can tell you this. I used to be an atheist. I was deeply depressed, broken and utterly shut down. I drank and smoked pot everyday. On a whim, I went to a gospel meeting and heard about Jesus. I said Jesus if you are the Savior, prove it! He did! My life completely changed. If u want to hear more let me know. I'd be happy to pray for you.

When we encounter the Lord Jesus, it's truly life changing. All thru the Bible people met God & they all testified. We are commissioned to share the gospel. The good news of salvation. Jesus is alive . I pray you turn , call on Jesus and get saved!!!!

I used to think that, too. Jesus is alive. He resurrected from the dead and is our Savior.

Antares I know but it really helps.

Lester Brunt It would, if someone with AvPD had a trusted friend. I do not. I suspect many of us who suffer with it don’t.

@@Epscylon You can also talk to an Psychiatrist.

The label is a general catagorization of clustered symptoms. A rule of thumb is: If a person can identify with 3 or more symptoms w/in a general category, then they should do more investigation to see if the lable fits. One may not suffer from ALL of the but a mixture of complexities depending on the person.(example: avoidance disorder) The severity of ea. symptom may range from low to high. Only a professional skilled doctor can diagnose you. I hope this was helpful. ✌&💚& Blossom🌹.

Right?! I laughed and cried at that one. I can't even picture myself asking my best friend to help me work through negative thoughts. I didn't even know it was a "normal" thing to discuss your feelings with others until a few years ago (and I'm middle aged). That just sounds so awkward and uncomfortable. I don't think I would even be able to look her in the eye again if I did that. 👀👀

Same.

😂 I don't know why I found this so funny. 🙄 I'm brutally lonely, too, but I find the world a scary place. I wish I could live an uninhibited life. 😞

@HITZONE86 Aw, thank you! But, honestly, I haven't created anything, yet (except in my head!)..and I don't create "beats". I'm an aspiring singer/songwriter. I'm assuming "beats" refer to rap music, which isn't my thing..but thank you, just the same. 🙂♥️

Hear ya.

I can't stand people as well. I love animals tho.

Say that again!! 😂

@chawlieBwn Your comment is right on! Years ago, I finally made the decision to put myself out there and get rejected once a day. Wether it was for work, a boyfriend, a family boundary. It was one of the best things I could have done for myself. It was so difficult but I hardened myself to it. Years later, I am happily married (for 36!) and enjoy life for the most part. I still do retreat into myself and avoid a lot, but every now and then I get back into the mind set of looking for rejection.

Did it help?

@@piru2913 it is helping every day

I've tried that too (call it DIY Cognitive Behaviour therapy). It hasn't worked at all. I still find any interaction (beyond my husband and comment on KZfaq) draining.

Agreed

Exactly

very well said.

This statement just made me cry 💔

This really speaks to me.

i hate this

Excellent!

6ugust and Chris Emerson I wish you both the very best that life has to offer. Keep tending to your well-being & stay focussed on going for what you both want for your lives 🙏🏾

@@deadwendy6870 Thank You ☺️. It's been great, feels like it's always going to be here, but I am growing stronger to be mentally present.

@@deadwendy6870 wish you joy and happiness 💐❤️

@@JdaPhoeniX9 Thank You & to you also. ☺️

if they are toxic then u need to avoid them especially family!!

Oh gosh i relate to this too well. I hate to say it this way but i dislike going to family functions or most types of gatherings for this reason. Not being acknowledged is just so much easier to live with than being forced to worry about what someone else thinks of me all the time. 😮‍💨

Your researching KZfaq videos on how to be better at least you have not completely given up

That is why i always want to be the first one to be at a gathering

I spent Thanksgiving at my aunt and uncle's house reading about lobotomy. On the phone the whole time. My mom and aunt finally peeled me away to play a hand of cards. It was frightening.

Relatable! I am surrounded by people at all times and yet I feel lonely af!

then you do not have avoidant personality disorder

TheJoker1432 are you their therapist? not everyone has the exact same experience with this, ya know.

pete howard I think this kind of describes me. I’m 72 and have pretty much felt like an avoidant for most of my life. But...thing is...I’m never lonely. I have two cats. Helped raise all my grandkids and raised my own girls alone. I can pretend tho. I’m funny, witty, amusing and oftentimes, I make myself laugh...if I say or do something funny. I’m just a loner I think. I enjoy solitude and peace. Have some immune issues and chronic fatigue too. But...definitely....this kinda sounds like me....but I’m not ever lonely. 🤷🏼‍♀️

i don't feel at all lonely...i truely love my alone time....

being named after satan would help with this avoidance

Another worst part of it is no one will understand it and think you're literally crazy because they can't wrap their minds around it. I have ADHD and I don't know whether it's a factor but it's difficult for me to find the words to explain things properly as quickly as people want to hear it. Overcoming fear is straightforward even if it's extremely difficult. But the real hell is that you cannot change people. Human nature is what it is.

Whoa…. Whoa….. Between the vid and this comment I think I finally understand myself.

@@HeteroSkeletal same, this is kinda freaky

I guess that explains why I just embrace the solitude at this point...

I do try changing the lifestyle. I have depression abd get suicidal thoughts. I would try changing things, had talked to a friends of friend to join gym with me, he's out of reach now and now I'm so shy or have anxiety to join alone. I too want to date someone and for that I've to get better first also my exams never leave me alone. Due to high stress I failed 3 years. I hope I don't end my life and live and keep my hopes alive.

@@Shubh_796 First of all I just want to tell you that your life is worth living. Even if you feels like all hope is lost there is always something you can do. Like I said you really just need to focus on what you can do. There are so many things in life that are actually out of our control, but a lot of us still blame ourselves when those things go wrong. For me it helped to find the small things that I did have control over. I stopped wasting all my time watching KZfaq or playing video games. I still do those things in my down time but previously before I got a job that was basically all I did everyday for years to avoid my anxieties, and I almost failed out of college because I almost never went to class. Fitness and nutrition are great hobbies to keep you occupied with healthy habits! I’m convinced that fixing my diet and exercising cured half of my anxiety issues, so much of our emotions and mood are affected by what we put in our bodies. Overall this may not be that helpful but basically I’m trying to say that we can change, and the most important thing for us to change is our mindset. We get caged in with our thoughts and it becomes a vicious downward spiral. I’m not sure exactly what it was for me that flipped the switch but I was able to start changing my mindset and I know you can too!

Yup

I've forced myself into social interactions, because I thought it would be good for me. But the stress and anxiety would stick around for days afterwards. At this point it really isn't worth it, I'd rather be alone.

I agree 100%

People can be numbingly shallow. (sorry not sorry)

exactly how i feel

Your not the only one. you will see that many of us feel the same way. just think'. you still can go and try over and over if you want by practice sooner or later you may have more confidence in your self knowing.

Michael H same here. I drink alcohol to get out of my shell. But still feel lonely in a crowded room. I think it's something suppressed from my childhood . ❤️ to you,I wish you well xo

Michael H You’re not alone.

nitakate 49 Same here.

@@crystalgrose I've been agoraphobia for over a decade because I'm so fearful of others judgement. However l've been with my husband for 25 years, l still find it very, very hard emtionally and almost impossible to trust him 100%. Many of the issues mentioned means that l keep him at a distance too. I also find the whole concept of 'love' impossible to understand. It's a nightmare and l hate I'm so scared to go out. I'm in my forties now and look back to see it's always been there. l would encourage everyone to search for professional help early in life, don't carry on suffering alone with what is a huge burden to a person's soul.

Never related so much to a comment 😅🤭🙌

Same dude. I am so content just at home. Lockdown was a dream though I do live with one other person - i think i would have hated to live alone

Same here😅😅 everyone was complaining about not being able to go anywhere and I was like what u mean? Grocery store’s always open🤣

Made me feel worse, fitting in is not what I want.

Fitted in for once but still had no one to talk to about it. 💀

I thought I was the only one felt like people make you feel like you don't have good sense. When you're just a social butterfly a friendly person.

Yup, im 4 years in originally from the east coast

That's basically Finland. People don't look at each other, barely say hello, no small talk. People being awkard and "busy". That is, unless they're out with a spouse or friends, or drinking hard, then people talk - but only to each other. Since I am a single, with no friends and I don't drink, I'm fucked

I feel you from both sides! I grew up in the Midwest and have lived in LA for about 20 years. I recently returned to the midwest for my niece's wedding! I felt trapped by the extended rambling and "oversharing" by caucasions who knew me or my family... it was a little scary! Because really I didn't GAF!

​@@craigmerkey8518 QnA 'Wow ! _ 😶

you are a good sibling :,)

God bless you ❤

Same. The COVID quarantine was the best thing to happen in my life. I didn't have to go to the office. I could get my groceries delivered. I didn't HAVE to leave the house. It was so awesome. Yes life is lonely, but the alternative is not appealing to me AT ALL. I'm 48 yrs old and know I will be alone the rest of life. I've accepted it because I just do not like being around people. Never have, never will. People are always wanting to get to know me and it drives me nuts. I'm boring. I don't have ANY interests in anything. At all. It just reminds me how much I suck. I just want to be left alone to wallow in my sorrow and shame. I hope for death every single day. The day I die will be the happiest day of my life. I will finally be at real peace. Can not wait.

I also want to die, completely same

Yea just stay to yourself and order take out

I can relate to this 1000%. The only thing that can get me out of the house on a regular basis is watching/playing my favourite sport.

All my life I thougt I am the only one. Can it be cured somehow? I don't want to be alone all the time. I want to have a wife and kids, live a normal life.

Same here!

Yup. And I'm still waiting to find a psychologist/psychiatrist. Yay Canadian health care... -_-

Sykaris The Grey Witch Maybe go to a marriage and family therapist- they are less drug focussed, way better trained and supervised, but not free.

@@keithlightminder3005 Ya that's the issue, I need both, but I'm on a waiting list for one and can't afford the other as it's not covered.

Paul, your comment made me laugh.

Oh, that young, happy you is still there even if you are no longer young. You can learn to regain all that, but it takes a lot of work. I was a high-functioning zombie before I spent many years digging through my issues. There's more to go, but I'm at least on the right track. Love is all around if we just learn to let it in.

I bet you have lots of thoughts going through your head non stop. Adhd meds can help.

Dude I FEEL YOU. At my current job I feel so so anxious and fearful just having to be around people and I feel like I act like a robot, and I’m especially fearful when talking to authority figures, like almost to the point where I feel like crying. But I’m super grateful for the people who don’t act like you’re being awkward and are friendly. So…. gotta start going to therapy now 😅✌🏽

I had severe social anxiety as a kid and severe APD now. I'd rather have the anxiety.

Was there an incident that caused that change?

I feel you so fucking much... Could u tell me what u mean by "support system"?

@@mattb.7079 - No close friends, just acquaintances, never stayed in touch with anyone after high school, wasn't 'in touch' with any of them _in_ high school, no close family, never spoke a word about anything to anyone until seeing a therapist in early adulthood. Medication helps me forget, and therapy helped me vent, but still have zero self esteem. Never had a real girlfriend, no goals, no expectations, no plans, no hopes, no dreams, just coasting aimlessly. Self confidence and self-esteem cannot be created from nothing. 'Fake it till you make it' is a meaningless expression said by people with real self confidence who cannot believe or even conceive of not having any. Similar to saying 'Until you believe in yourself no one will ever believe in you' which I hear as 'No one will ever believe in you'. And it's correct, no one will ever be capable of believing in me. I see it, feel it, experience it every moment of everyday..

@@HailAnts am almost exactly the same, except I have some things I feel like I still have to do. Wanna write some stories, express all (or most of) my feelings out my chest in that way since i don't see how i could do it any other way.. hope u'll find sth stimulating enough to keep you going m8

@@HailAnts i think im experiencing the same. I want to get help But because I have a past history with addiction, psych arent taking me serious:/ how’d u get help

my life has practically gone the same - i graduated last year, BARELY, with 33 unexcused absences and many days having to make up hours… and i used to be in the top 10 of my entire class. it feels so fucking terrible seeing all my friends go to college and im stuck working a 3rd shift job because the college environment is too scary and i threw my acedemic career down the drain :(

God in heaven above I want to believe that, it's hard to hope that big anymore.

@@blkbrdmntrvimes6438 you know if your judgment is that this is a good caring person, then it’s worth making yourself vulnerable, I think, quite humbly, that falling in love is actually that really exciting and intense thing that happens when two people are incredibly interested in getting to know the other person deeply, like you can think someone’s really hot, but if your relationship never goes past the surface, you’re never going to love them, or feel loved by them. And then the opposite is true you meet somebody they’re nice but you don’t think they’re hot, but then the more you get to know them, the more you crave knowing about them, you keep getting closer and closer to knowing these fundamental things that you find are so similar to your own fundamental things, and then boom you’re in love... this was a long drawn out answer to say no one should go exposing their deepest darkest secrets to just anybody, there are a lot of jerks out there, but when you find somebody that you connect with, you should be willing to at least try to go a little bit deeper, and a little bit deeper, And then deeper, you got to challenge yourself past those points where you start to feel like shit I’ve revealed too much, now this person will never understand me or care about me, because the chances are they will. This was a long reply, I’m still in most mostly isolation for the pandemic, so humor me

@@alv134mommy no worries I agree with a lot if what's written here. It's hard for me to hope like that because it's a big damn hope. Haven't messed with big hope in a long time. I still hope just for smaller things, things that seem capable of happening. I can't be sure if my judgements are any good because my track record being absolutely drek. Last 3 attempts unintentionally creeped them all out , and in turn went silent and straightened out any problems and phased me out quickly and quietly and leaving me feeling foolish. In the past I was vulnerable still am in many ways, just lost any ability that I was flirting or acknowledge it in anyone else unless it's aimed at someone else . Couldn't tell I was being hit on aggressively until I had officially blew it and she focused on my co-worker. Also have a solid way 5o.make money Sort of good luck chuck just w/o sex I show interest they're married 3 weeks later and blissfully happy . I'm happy for them just curious why my suffering seems to grant them happiness. Have a great day

@@blkbrdmntrvimes6438 that is some bad luck, I will grant you that, but i don’t think I would want to marry someone after 3 weeks or you know a short period of time, so I’m thinking you dodged a few bullets there, and don’t get me started on an anti marriage rant...but you know the things I found out about my boyfriend were embarrassing and humiliating and I know must have been torturing him, would I have been scared off if he shared those things 3 weeks in...im not perfect so maybe? But you know somewhere within our 7 year relationship it might have been good for him to have shared with me...because you know, obviously. So that is just your judgement call, but I do think being careful at first is good, normal, appropriate so I don’t think you did anything wrong you know...obviously I do not know these people but you wouldn’t want to be in a marriage of obligation or meeting expectations TRUST ME, there is nothing lonelier than that! I have never been in love again since my boyfriend that died, and although I do keep mostly to myself and I am married, so that might be why, I also have never encountered someone I felt that drawn to, curious about, in sync with...so I think real love is not common, like it just doesn’t happen every day, which sucks when you long for it but also that’s what makes it so amazing, right, it doesn’t just happen all the time. But being yourself and pursuing your own personal interests and passions, I think being the you that you want to be will bring you into contact with people that you can truly connect to, I mean that goes for everyone...like what are the odds someone you work with is someone you can have a deep connection with? Like it’s possible but you know if you work in an office or something, it’s unlikely...at least that is my opinion based on my highly limited perspective!

@@alv134mommy agree completely I feel I didn't explain the glcns properly not that they're actually married across the board but the chemistry between them is palpable. the few I've tried to date, let alone talk to, couldn't be bothered for either of the 2 things I ask for. 1. An honest chance. 2. An honest reason why not. The second one is so I don't keep making the big mistakes . Truly I'm sorry for your loss wouldn't wish that on most of my enemies.

Exactly!!!

Exactly how it feels.

What a brilliant metaphor, YJ Barke! I would also add, that if someone has been zapped by enough electric fences, a person can then develop PTSD to ALL fences.

That's what I don't get. So, to have APD you have cognitive distortions, but what if the thoughts aren't distortions? Haven't most people with APD been genuinely hurt? Who wants to sign up for more pain?

TJ Barke- That is true for absolutely everyone. I have been viscerally hurt by people but I NEVER want to have a closed heart and stop reaching out. That only hurts me more. It is not my or your fault that some people hurtful and even harmful to you. I'm reaching out right now and, 7 months ago, so did you. This counts as well and I think these sites are a good way to find common ground with people in a really good way. Both my brother and daughter have paralysing social anxiety. For him, if he comes out for a brief walk with me, it's a big deal and I do appreciate that. For her, she stays open to trying with people and I respect that but it also breaks my heart when things go wrong. Many avoidant people are extremely perceptive and sensitive (like she is) and can 'read' a room and the atmosphere in a split second. As a young child she used to walk into pre-school, suss out the room and find the place she found the least drama or conflict. She never jumped into the deep end with people first thing. Her teacher told us that was a very unique quality in a child and a very good one,too. I mean we really didn't worry she'd ever wander off with a stranger like her extraverted brother. We had to watch him constantly. He'd chat with Satan if he came along. I hope you are well. Keep in touch if you want a friend. I like the way you describe the feeling. It helps me know my beloved brother and daughter better and better ways to help them be comfortable. So, look, you did good in the world!

Same I just can't stand the awkwardness.... Sometimes I just wished I could befriend someone without talking.

Same here, but I'm in a job where I can't avoid interaction with people.

I got over it somewhat by forcing myself. I became an English as a foreign language teacher. I now give classes to 30 or more uni students at a time. Strangely, this is now easy, but social situations are still hard.

Totally agree! It’s weird though because some people I can be completely comfortable around, but others I feel like a freak.

maybe you're assuming what you're feeling is what the other person is experiencing too, and that's not the case. so what may in actuality be a little awkward to them (and that can even be attractive, i.e., shyness/nervousness) may feel to you like horrible awkwardness that you're projecting onto others in the situation. it's important, i think, to differentiate your experience of an interaction from others' experiences of the same interaction. i speak as one who's been involved intimately (over and over again it seems!) with avoidant personality types, i think, perhaps b/c my mother was avoidant and i am very empathetic and know not to push.

Know you're not alone.

Me

I am 55 been in few satisfying relationships but know I am a coward and avoidant... I really nee dto tell certain people to go f--- themselves

i'm 28 and that's me too. i'm happy i'm not alone. i wish you the best

Good for you that you have friends.

Wonderful! I'm so glad to hear that! All the best to you 😊

I’m 22 and now I understand why I felt so different from everybody in my life. This shit really hurts

Me neither sis

Same here. Stick in there, you arnt alone ❤

me either

Have you made any progress kn the ten months since you wrote that? I could be avoidant myself - but that may not be precisely right.

Me neither, but it is what I am comfortable with, for now.

Society in controlled by women go figure.

I've always seen others who still take part in society as brainwashed and just unaware. Maybe they don't care and use this to their advantage. Who knows. I care about people I am close to but I certainly don't just open up to new people irl. Much easier to talk for a bit online then open up.

Ameris- I totally relate

Then you do not have avoidant personality disorder

Honestly, you haven’t found your community yet. So many people are not fake and are very real. This could be your brains way of justifying your avoidance.

Have you tried therapy though? I’m sure it’s possible to change this right? Or take steps to mediate it. It’s never too late.

@@j-vic07 Yes, it's just my personality, nothing to "correct". In short, if you want to change, you have to pretend, to become an actor. But you never stop feeling the way you do, it's part of you..

@@kgdonna I’m 22 and relate to most of what you say. But I have to believe there’s hope, and little steps can help me/us change for the better. Sending you good vibes.

55, about to give up as well 🍻

I'm 48 and I've given up on all people now. I have zero people in my life, except for mental health workers.

I want to say yes, but I'm too reluctant to talk to you.

Yup

😂😂😂. ✌&💚& Blossom🌹.

Yes

Oh my gosh, same tho :o

I am my own worst enemy, that's for sure. Self sabotage seems to be my specialty. 🙁

true..

Agree totally, I've got this around overly judgemental family members who psychologically abused me my entire childhood.

@@Bettinasisrg I can feel you!! It's never too late to heal yourself and trust people again, the right ones though 🙏

@@Bettinasisrg same! I’m 34 and didn’t know I was suffering with this disorder😩 till this day some of my family members still judges me😢

Yes! I have these thoughts too. I can have a perfectly normal interaction with say, a family member but then suddenly I feel as if I'm being a pest or that the person I'm talking to has become disinterested or is "faking" nice. Its tolling

You might just be good at reading the situation lol. I tend to avoid conversations that are not natural.

The most liberating moment I have ever had in my life was when I stopped giving a crap what other people thought of me.And maybe it's about getting older and or looking back and seeing how much I have been through and survived.

Yup

Mary Bailey-Gates Yeah but that is the whole point. I desperately don’t want to give a fuck but there is this trigger in my head that overwhelms me with shame and anxiety.

Are you me? Your comment describes me in an incredibly accurate fashion.

Same gurl

My cousin was emotionally hurt by mean girls now she finds it hard to talk to women!!

Sabrina C I can understand why you feel safe alone, me too, and for the same reasons you give, it's very simple, if you are alone no one can hurt you. When I was a little girl the only time I Felt safe was when I would go and stay with my Nana (this was in the 50s) and I would stay with her for the Summer Holiday, I got breakfast, lunch and dinner, clean clothes and a three wheeler bike to ride round the block (all day) and my own bedroom. I hated going home to my negligent parents. Good luck Sabrina btw lovely name.

Honey Bea Hi, I think there are a lot of us out there who feel the same, I just can't tolerate people who have asked me what are you trying to prove by isolating yourself, it's interesting that people want to rewrite history and "move on", well I don't. I would never suggest that someone should live by my rules and yet I'm supposed to "fit in", which in their eyes makes me a misfit. My Son had a lovely childhood, we made sure of that, we had a long talk some months ago because I wasn't going out and he said it wasn't normal. I made it clear that we will always have a close relationship but I was allowed to choose what I do, he gets it (Now), so wishing you the life you want and it's not necessary to go with the the flow 🌹🌹🌹

So true it's the only time I'm safe

when i am forced to be with ppl socially i fantasise about being at home with my cats with a cup of coffee and a book

Shanto Lion Oh I get that, I haven't been out (anywhere) since New Years Eve, so nine months, and I like it that way, I have no desire to go out so I don't, I'm not concerned with what people think, that's their business. Always do what you want and not worry about people's opinion.m❤️

Same here! Personally, I just know I have low empathy and it's hard for me to actually relate to others and feel what they feel unless I put in effort to sympathize, and even then I can't sympathize with everyone. I'm also pretty sure I'm on the autism spectrum which explains this. Of course I'm not proud of it, but I can recognize it, and that's something, right?

I work as pharmacist which means that I have a good empathy (so that I can talk to so many patients everyday) but I still feel that way. I think it's not the matter of empathy, but the prejudices you have against other people working as barriers. You are like a scared little puppy and not putting you as the same level as others you are facing. Friendships only form if both parties are equal and they feel so. It's different from empathising. Do you think you are scared to take actual care into people and later they don't return the same interest in you? That's how I think. I think that there are so many better friends material out there that even if I take care into other people they will appreciate this at a very little level and then when other friends materials do the same act the effect will be much bigger and meaningful to them. That is why I fear into taking interest in others because I know that I don't mean anything to them. However, if someone wants to get close to me, I regard this as a nuisance and think that they want to use me to kill off boredom or use me to record moments in instagram. That's my thought process. Till now I don't know if it's wrong thing to think this way or not lol.

@@yeongseolee Same here, I thought everyone felt this way, but really most people don't. So I avoid anyone that shows an interest bc they'll figure out I'm too boring anyway and leave. Just always happens. Abandonment issues and self-sabotage basically define me along with depression.

You may be a loner but your not alone. Thats corny as f* lol.

I feel this way a lot. I try not to because I don't want to be some stuck up person. I often think other people are interested in the most stupid things, and those things don't interest me at all. And I most certainly feel that way about drug users (sorry to present company who uses), but also people who like shitty movies or tv shows or shitty games. And I know I shouldn't be that way. I sometimes like corny, shitty movies, though they tend to be older ones. I try and I try, but I can't find any interest in modern movies.

🤔

Good doggo

Dude tried to get close to someone without certainty she liked me. Turns out she didn't and hates me now. 2/10 will never try to get close to anyone romantically unless they literally beg to suck my cock.

Saaame. I waste my time looking at those “how can you tell someone likes you” articles and think about it non-stop instead of just. Going for it? 😆

Unwilling to get involved with people. Full stop. That is my life 🙃 But I am very willing to spend my time with birbs 🦜🐦🕊️

😅😅😅

Loooool

Gotta love using humor to hide the pain... I'm the best at it!

It hit the toes so hard...

I internally laughed at that one

Wow same and I just turned 19 a month ago.

@@ehhdt.3909 what state are you from?

I actually think that is great. Not that you have these avoidant feelings. But that you better understand them. I'm nearly twice your age and hearing of avoidant personality disorder for the first time just yesterday. It does gives me a small amount of relief knowing there is a name for this group of difficulties.

Same here

@@ehhdt.3909can you help? My 19 year old son has the dismissive rather than anxiety part. He has not called me for two month. He started not answering my calls once he went to college and lived on his own. Now his behavior is spilling over to his siblings. In his place, what would you want me to do? Forget about you? Call you? Visit you and hug you and try to reason with you. God damn it I feel I have lost my boy; this just can’t be

YES YOU'RE SO RIGHT, THE AVERAGE PERSON CAN HARDLY AFFORD REGULAR SESSIONS FOR A LONG ENOUGH PERIOD OF TIME

Well I don't trust them anyway. So I can't go because I always end up lying. Because I'm afraid they won't understand or they are bad at their job. I don't have money for a trial period.

Because they can help fix the thing you most need fixing and have spent years and years studying your ailment. Why shouldn't they make their money?

@@mjt1517 Your money over people argument is shyte

@@keerya4179 I don't trust them either. Especially state mental health workers. They are crazier than they tell us we are!

I know right!

There’s one on Facebook!

I’d Be Down For It !

Nah I’m gonner give it a miss 🤦🏽I think

interested too

Silence is golden as they say :)

I used to hold my breath everytime people walked past me because I was afraid they were judging how fast my heart was beating or how labored my breathe was.

Stop caring about what they think…are they better than you ?

@@artwithmamafairybreadd This is akin to saying 'just stop being depressed bro'. It's never that simple. Every action in our lives is dictated primarily by a perceived notion of what others are thinking or may think.

@@acrophis of course it’s not that simple…it can take years to learn to have self esteem and self luv and self respect…once you have these on a healthy level…it heals you, AND THATS WHEN you learn to not give a toss to others perceived image of you… Or you at least learn to not let it effect you much….and to get all the self luv and esteem you need…you gotta work at it, just like you gotta work getting a degree or apprenticeship…it’s the same deal…. But you’re not going to be ok at Anything (including your degree ) if you don’t have the above 3 things I mentioned….so you have to get with it and do something about it and IT CAN BE DONE if you really want it…..it’s never too late…..

@@artwithmamafairybreadd Anecdotally I can agree with this to some extent. The automatic judgemental thoughts do have their edge dulled over time as you get older. 34 years on for me and I still open my blinds in the morning and assume the people across the street are watching and I make an effort to not do anything that could be perceived as weird in their line of sight. This is probably more of an extreme example but as I say it's purely anecdotal and not representative of the condition as a whole. I would take having a mind clear of these thoughts over winning the lottery any day.

Wow, that description sounds a lot like myself. I've wasted so much time wondering and being paralyzed by what others think. It's good to know there are others who have the same problem.

@@alanhowitzer Yep! I am a full grown adult and realized how many years this has sabotaged my life. I hope others can realize it at a much younger age than I did. It literally would have changed the trajectory of my life from the job I chose, friends, etc. It was time for me to stop hiding behind the introvert label and realize I was just afraid of not being liked so I kept to myself.

@@quickpstuts412 I feel exactly the same. In my early twenties I suffered depression and eventhough I knew seeking help from a therapist was the correct thing to do, I didn't. I self medicated (by spiritual means) and thank goodness I got to recover. However, if I had gone for professional help then, my life choices would've been so different and I wouldn't have been in the binds I lived through most of my adult life. I urge young people to get help. Don't let life pass you by.

@ Quick Ps Tuts, Where are you located? I'm in MICHIGAN! I know you said alot already, but pls help me further. If you could somehow take me thru the journey you went thru, I would so appreciate it. I am everything you decribed and I want it all to stop. I want to live and not just exist. Pls HELP ME!!!

@@jilliandavis5691 I'm in Texas. Definitely get the book I recommended called Not Nice. I got it on Amazon. If the description in the book fits you and you are a people pleaser/always caring what people think then this is the book for you. Of course everyone has different reasons why they are the way that they are. So I'm not sure if that's the same for you. But if you are constantly caring what others think and you are uncomfortable in social situations, find yourself agreeing to everything, caring what people think... this book will guide you. Good luck!

Avoidants? Am just becoming aware of that term. Looks like that's what I am😑

And you just got to the point of why this video bothered me. Avoiding mean people and their ab usive behavior is a "personality disorder." As usual, the recipient of bullying is made into the problem. Even among the medical community, it would seem.

@@davezad yes, my avoidance of people stemmed from them making fun or degrading me because of my background.

​@@davezad you're wrong about this. I've never been abused and yet I'm still an avoider

She says personality disorders don*t respond to medication, clinical depression and anxiety disorders do...!

Because it is Personality Disorder. Not schizo, not Bipolar, nor clinical depression, etc.

@@Mor2gain_760 medication definitely helps the fallout(depression, anxiety) from personality disorders though. I’m definitely pro-medication when it comes to mental disorders period

@@billsimms2511 Many people with personality disorders find that they do not works but for a short high & only alter your thoughts & sleep & mental abilities & not in beneficial ways... Those are the people who hate mediation for the most part... I was on it for years, but it does not fix though patterns, I personality believe mediation is an expensive, yet easy way to neglect the real issues... If someone was being hit in the head everyday, by say... a low hanging lamp in their home and they just take headache mediation... How does that help ? How does that make sense ? I can identify with this metaphor because of the home entertainment I grew up in... I was the only one who was being put in counseling, when we all needed "therapy".... mediation will not help a situation & will not help thought patterns & processing... The side effects are often worse than the treatment... many people go down the path of finding the right mediation instead of the right ways to process their thinking or changing their situation... And for those who are suicidal, mediation in the home can easily open that option up easier and faster... Anyhow, everyone has their own opinions & I just don*t believe in mediation unless it is the only or last resort to get someone thinking better... bit it is still the "easy" way out & causes the wrong search for healing... In my opinion & experience...

​@@Mor2gain_760 thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. I am glad I found someone think the same way as me. I am the kind of person who, despite of some mental issues, will avoid medication or drug at all costs. Maybe because of the fear of new activities in the 7th trait mentioned above. Instead, 3 yrs ago, I chose practicing martial arts, even though It costs a lot, I believe it's more beneficial and less harm in the long run. And I am thankful I did. I still have negative thought pattern sometimes (like now, that's why i search for these youtube videos), even suicidal thoughts, but it's easier to control and bounce back since I built resilience. I never thought about seeing psychiatrist, but I am planning to do counseling soon, hopefully it could help me with managing the distorted belief about myself better. Thanks again for your perspective.

I just wanna give u a hug. I'm really sorry that happened to you and so glad you found a circle of love ones to be surrounded with ♡♡♡

@@HousewifeInTheWoods thank you so much for the kind words.....God bless you!!!

Apparently some African children are kidnapped and pressed into an army and forced to kill and torture people or kept as sex slaves.

yup - facebook, too. they write up a profile on you tailored ads.

I'm thinking the same thing 🤔

Same😒😒😒

Google has become my girlfriend. It knows me better than any real person. My porn habits, my disorders, my interests, everything.

it's not spying, it's machine learning

That's me. Most of the time I don't answer the phone. Even texting gives me anxiety. Been going to therapy, it helps some what

this is so incredibly relatable wow

The worst thing is when you're loving from afar and your loved one gets very sick, like terminally sick. It's a nightmare. If this person is a parent, you will probably be responsible for them. Even if you have a sibling or two...you will still be expected to help. Doctor appointments, hospital visits, and when they get more incapacitated as the illness gets worse, you will be expected to stay with them. If you don't, you will be judged. Then there's the end...traumatic, sad, heartbreaking, and you will be surrounded by others during this awful time. Avoiding it isn't an option.

I don't have a phone and I'm happier without it because no one can call Me 😊 No landline No Cell

Yes

One of the best I've read!

I feel more lonely around people .

We accept you!

Me too, I learn to imagine you all out there are somewhere! How to meet?

Same, I'm literally here after having a mental breakdown over this

Adriana Ramírez Being as open and sincere as you were in your comment (and your willingness to explain a bit about yourself to your colleague) is very brave and part of a path to healing. Well done! Take care and don’t stop trying to help yourself. I’m hoping to get to that level of openness in a lot of situations in my life, so I really admire it.

I truly appreciate your comment because, aside from just now learning my thoughts and behavior has a diagnosed name, I thought I was all alone. I have always felt ‘different’ around others, but I have never met anyone who feels this way too. Stumbling across the video has been an eye- opener to say the least!

I stand with you, been dealing with the same. I’ve learned how to recognize that thinking this way is not healthy. Doesn’t cure you but when you began to notice this happening in the moment you to separate yourself from those thoughts and get in the present moment. Two books I’ve read that have helped me and I’m a working progress. The Power of Now and The New Earth, these books are helpful. It’s a constant struggle but I’ve found if I use the techniques in those books I can get through just about anything.

lynx2cross Wow thank you so much! I most definitely will check them out.

Ii used to feel a lot like this but now on anti depressants I am a little better. I was neglected as a child and have learnt to enjoy having attention for a change instead of being ignored. Sounds odd but the meds made a big difference for me although I'd prefer to not have to take them due to some side effects.

The obsession with not setting boundaries is kind of the problem idk

As someone who has had everything I've done wrong used against me countless times I just avoid making close friends. Everyone is kept at a distance. People think I'm a massive dick but in reality I just dont know how to get close to anyone anymore. After my failed marriage nothing has been the same.

Just go buy a bag of weed and literally don’t give a fuck what anyone says, from your perspectives every single thing happening in this universe is not as important as what you do. I had so much social anxiety but eventually I learnt people aren’t shit, most people are assholes and most are really fucking dumb, don’t let work or awkwardness stop you from doing things to make you comfortable. I’m so unfazed now I will gladly speak up about allot of things I wouldn’t have done before. Also who gives a actual fuck what people think of you, most won’t see you ever again in life or won’t remember your interactions with them unless they friends

@YAMBAG84 maybe therapists will disagree but it's not meant to be taken that literally. It's totally fine to keep people, even most people at arms length. As life goes on, you usually end up with a family and a couple close friends because they've survived your selection process. The problem with apd I suppose is that you're psychologically controlled by fear itself and you can't actually learn how to make these selective decisions because you can't exert your will so it acts effectively like a learning disability. Been having similar experiences myself since middle school, never dealt with it into my late 20s and now doing anything is a nightmare. Constant socialization and communication seems to become more and more imperative every day, resulting in widespread narcissism, resulting in more competition, etc. Covid was refreshing for me....

my family has always actually done this so its not too far fetched.

Because they WILL use what they know about you against you. Friends, family or peers will attempt to control you or get what they want through you by exploiting your vulnerabilities and traits. You are never safe around your fellow humans.

Same here. I feel like trying to get too close to people will eventually end in some kind of disaster, as I have had mostly incredibly painful experiences involving people I got too close to before...

Me too.

Same

Im frequently alone, i dont have friends, becoz i feel like when they know all about me, they are going to.mock and.criticize me, usually i keep myself quiet and doesnt express myself conversationally yet still being notice in some forms of teasing and humuor.

Same. And once acquaintances, or guys in social groups like golf or poker, got to know me I was not liked. Was just unfortunately dealt a bad hand genetically. Spent my life trying to overcome it, with VERY limited success. Tried and tried and tried. Choosing to avoid, while sad and lonely, was and is preferable to being rejected.

That is definitely AVPD. And I have never related more to anything else in my life. Before I say anything, I’ve found that developing a system of logic that rationalizes your actions help tremendously. That way, people are judging facts and not you. How are they going to judge anything in good conscience if it’s as obvious as 2+2=4? It helps me, anyway. I struggled with the same thoughts in the same situation just before quarantine. And before that, and before that, etc. I can never know what to say or how to act without worrying over how weird I am or look when try to socialize. It just ends up making myself feel pathetic and stiff, not myself (but can I consider that myself when I’m never like that anymore?), and I’m left reeling from those failed encounters from as far back as 5 years ago. Just at random. Like, a memory will hit me like a truck out of the blue, and I’ll physically wince. So, I just learned to avoid it all together because it makes things worse, even when I want nothing more than to participate. I can be a stupid, ridiculous person, good naturedly of course, so I always have the same worries that people will think I’m being serious and believe I’m just that dumb. Doesn’t help that I look like someone who has the opposite of my personality. It hurts being something you’re not, but are, because you wouldn’t be you without feeling the need to act like you’re acting. (Clarification: I’m a Jack Sparrow fan). The only person I can consider a friend literally chased me down and hounded me for friendship until I accidentally let myself relax in front of her because she was always there and I forgot she would pay special attention to me. Eventually, I realized she liked my sense of humor, we shared the same moral views, and she feared false judgement as well, so I ended up adopting her. She understands and even puts up with my insecure phases, in which I avoid contacting her, because I moved away a while ago. Which aggravated every negative aspect of my life. My life would be indescribably tougher without her, and I can’t worry about bothering her when she worries about the same things as me, so I can only hope you have someone like her in your life. I relate to the smiling thing so much it hurts. My mouth stretches past my irises and it is the definition of ‘unsettling.’ I look psychotic when I’m genuinely excited over anything, so I try not to smile unless I’m going for manic mad scientist. I know I’m ugly, it’s a fact that doesn’t need to be discussed, and when other people ask me why I don’t do FaceTime, I avoid, deflect, or make a half-assed excuse, assuming anyone has to even contact me. Whispering hits home. Experience subconsciously dictates thinking that probably isn’t true at least a quarter of the time. Plus sighing. I can’t stand sighing; whenever someone sighs I automatically assume it’s annoyance directed towards me. All I feel I can do is wallow in internal shame. I also have some secrets surrounding myself that creep into my subconscious as shame and guilt. So I understand that too. I feel even more worthless over feeling worthless because of these same thoughts, so I just thought I’d let you know you aren’t defective or extraordinarily screwed up over nothing or weird and alone. People like myself experience varying levels of the same thing every day. I’m sorry for rambling so much if you decided to read all of this. I hope any of this helped. If it didn’t, I’m sorry and am glad you don’t know my face. Please don’t live in the US.

@@apple_piethief9750 Hey, many thanks because you wanna share these all. I've been in my worst time until now. But your explanations is reeeally eyes-opening and I know I still have hope. Thank you again my friend (^_^).

I'm the same. But humour has helped me to loosen up a bit. But I'm still far, faaaar away from cured.

In desperation I googled “being on a loss” and found a Benedictian monk. For decades he counseled people.: to get in touch with our very soul, to listen to ourselves. For community he talked about his experience of more than 50 years living in a monastery. Their founder Benedict created in the 6th. century a “rule” which they still follow. I have so severe problems in ALL my “close” relationships. This monk says, to get along with the most difficult “brothers”, they are asked to “stand” as well what we dislike. Uff, I had heard that in be-hated group therapy. I am 57 and willing to change for a “while. I learn that I suffered from a narcistic relation which came with triangulation and mobbing. Try and error becomes more difficult after the years. Thank you all, that I can leave my “ruminating” here in the comments. Wishing you all good luck. Happy 24 hours

Hey, i was this way. Have to talked to a counselor? It helped me, after learning how to work with my stuff and get to the point where (yes i still have qualms about my appearence) but i can be on cam and feel fine.....

Lol

You and 10000 others whatever you're feeling you're not alone you're not the only one

Frfr

Yes 👍

LMFAO. me.

Ooo Wee, i can relate to that. Even though i overcame this (and i had almost all of 7 criteria, not anymore!), there is still some of it that remains.

But wait... You still can gain new skills unless it's a team game. But... There are some activities that requires another person. But you can still be prepared. Proper preparation prevents poor performance.

Insight is the biggest hurdle. Now that you jumped pass that here is the the last one: accept that failure is another way to learn. It doesn't mean that you're diminished by others.

This is how I feel playing guitar

Same..

PuzzleMessage I completely understand. I feel like I might have avoidant personality disorder. Jobs are terrifying. I also have depression and anxiety. As well as an unspecified seizure disorder. I quit 3 jobs last year just because I couldn’t do it. I would sit in the car and just cry because I was scared to just be around people. When other people find out they got an interview they get excited, I have an anxiety attack. I hope that you are able to find a way to overcome this!

The mantra “assume positive intent” has been helping me.

@@brennalucas1302 thank you for sharing, good luck to you too!

Job interviews? You even afraid to work becouse of making mistake and being critisized or ashamed

Im in the exact same boat my family thinks im a loser and entitled but everytime i apply for a job i rarely get an interview and when i do i never get hired. Even if i get the job i feel like an alien, and my co-workers assume im an asshole.

I feel the same way.

That's true! Never thought of that

At least they wanted you. Try always coming up short, never really being what anyone had in mind 46 I'm still single and sexless for more than half the time Not trying to one up you , haven't been wanted for a very long . A bit jealous if I'm honest

I also feel the same way😔😔

same 😬😬

Same, I’m afraid I’ll die alone and tbh I don’t even look forward being old and retirement.

Everyone dies alone, doesn't matter your relationships, when you die you do it alone.

NOOOOO YOU REALLY GOT TO MAKE ME THINKING SO HARD

How do attractive people become avoidant?

I always wonder this about my future wedding. Who would be my bridesmaids? Who would even marry me for that matter?

It’s not too late David. There are still kind and non judgmental people who value friendship, you just need one. ,

@@reginalddrew7903 Thanks mate I appreciate it.

"Everything could have been anything else and it would have had just as much meaning." - Mr. Nobody As a fellow loner don't beat yourself up. A few years ago I came across a video titled "Alan Watts - Choice". It set off a journey of self discovery and acceptance I was sorely missing. Maybe it can help you with your perspective as well.

It kept my life on a pause for 20 years, along with BPD and BDD, not living only going through the motion, just avoiding everyone and everything. Feeling that too, this sadness of all that time wasted and why? The only one to blame is myself. Now trying to turn it around (therapy) but dammit that's hard to do alone. Is it really to late for us?

Sounds like a no win situation thinking that way 😕

@@lisajohnson6351 yeah...

I’m avoidant (intimacy, vulnerability, strong emotions) and an extrovert/in the limelight at work at the same time 😬

I can relate to this. For me it's just that I find myself extremely uninteresting as a person, that I always try to avoid talking about myself at any costs. Never had a really really close friend tbh... I liked a girl once (who I met in a online community) but she also had serious problems herself and was suicidal. She also liked another guy (who also had many problems), but I and her used to be very emotionally close as well. However, eventually she got kinda angry at me for not talking to her frequently, as I most times didn't have interesting topics to talk about, because my life is just sooo boring. Eventually we stopped talking to eachother and since then I have been extremely afraid of getting too close of people again (I also suffered a lot of bullying back in school).

Teared up a bit. I am feeling you a 100%. I have friends, many i would say, but the longer i have them the more weird i feel. They always seem like a group and i am the add-on. Like i am not fitting in.

Same

And yet, you open up and share your thoughts, risking the trolls of internet to judge you. I think that is quite brave.

Facts and when i do speak it always seems to be the wrong thing and i get reprimanded. Even if my intention was to be friendly. Sh*t makes u give up hope.

Feel same way Sue! 😘

And the cat..I talk to her so much she speaks english now..

Love it

You're right ..hate fake backstabbing people that lie to big note themselves . I got rid of group I mixed with ..it's heavenly now !!

@@oznerriznick2474 haha love it

Haha 😁

@86sith That don't work for me unfortunately. I get unwelcome comebacks like "what side of the bed did you get out of?" Or "smile" in a bolshie or sacastic way. Totally annoying, and makes me frown more

I'd love to befriend any of you like minded people. My contact info is on my KZfaq channel.....🥰