The stereotypical midlife crisis looks like a man leaving his wife and kids, buying a sports car, and shacking up with a younger lover. What causes this phenomenon? And why does it mostly seem to impact men? In this episode, I argue that the men most at risk for midlife crises are the rule-following and duty-conscious sort, who have spent most of their conscious lives acting responsibly. To avoid this outcome, it's important for men to practice what I call "creative selfishness," and to enjoy the fruits of their labor along the way. Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion's Theme: kzfaq.info/get/bejne/jdiIdd2Cl66odYU.html Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: kzfaq.info/love/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXwjoin Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #men #mentalhealth

Another simple explanation: It's the first time in the guys life where he can actually buy a sports car and date young women. Young men haven't build up the money or lifestyle yet. You think a 22 year old guy wouldn't buy a BMW and take trips with a 22 year old woman if he could?

Interesting how society sees a man having a fun hobby as a "crisis".

My midlife “awakening” manifested as me taking 4 vacations a year, returning phone calls once a week, checking email once a day, and never taking a meeting before 10am or after 3pm. The funny thing is, despite me pulling back and limiting my availability, my performance and reputation has only increased. Scarcity increases value and not always being available for every little thing has actually cut back on the amount of trivial nonsense that used to make it’s way to me.

Life really does begin at forty. Up until then, you are just doing research.' - Carl Jung

My midlife crisis happened at 31 when my fiancée demanded I abandon my hobbies and "grow up" even though she had a 90k student loan for Art & women's history 101 classes. I then dumped her, pursued my hobbies and transformed them into a business. That was almost 25 years ago and now my mortgage is paid off and I'm still running a business that originally was a hobby. My mid life crisis was the warning bell that saved me from wasting my life pleasing others' expectations of me. BTW, my ex is still paying off that student loan 25 years later.

I see this all the time. A guy gets married and has kids and his life gets smaller. First the motorcycle goes and then the pickup truck, sports car, or muscle car goes and now he's driving a mini-van. Then the hobbies go. No more mountain biking or snow boarding. Then the male friends go or he sees them much less often. Then he starts working more hours or takes jobs he doesn't like because the family needs the money. Vacations are at Sea World instead of scuba diving in Belize. Lots of sacrifices that nobody appreciates.

Something a lot people don’t stop to consider is that when you see a 45 yo buy a sports car, he’s probably wanted that sports car for his entire life, it’s just that this is the first point at which he could afford it.

Some women do something similar when their children are grown and they find themselves living with a boring man who was chosen because he was a reliable provider.

Women and children are valued for who they are. Men are valued for what they can provide.

My dad had a midlife crisis, he always was a people pleaser. Never said anything. He left my mom for a woman a couple years older than me. It was hard for us, but we accepted it. Even my mom forgave him and they were still civil. Then, my dad got sick, and his new wife divorced him. We all take care of him now, including my mom, who still loves him and still calls him her best friend.

It's funny, cause NO ONE you know will tell you this, because they benefit from you giving so much of your self to them. They will fight and gaslight you to keep you stuck. That's saddening to realise.

This video explains a lot. When the man who has consistently thrown himself under the bus for his wife and children raises his hand and says, “Hey! What about me? Can’t I have a slice of my own pie?”, he’s accused of being selfish, even though he’s been selfless for so long. It really hurts when you realize the people you love the most and for whom you have sacrificed so much for so long can’t understand that you have a life, too and just want to enjoy it a little bit. Do they really love me? I wonder.

Mid life crisis happens after you come to the realization that you been an indentured servant for 20yrs triggered by some life altering event whether you got served papers or something else. I was burdened by my family for over 20yrs and and taken advantage of and this is why I cut my family members off and living my best life now. One of the best quotes that resonated with me is from David Bowie “ Aging is an extraordinary process whereby you become the person you always should have been.” the problem is many people are stymied usually by relationships and don’t get to self actualize or at very late stage in life. Btw the worst thing you can do after a mid life crisis is to get into relationships again, why start building another crisis after you just dissolved one. Work towards being a free agent.

There is no shame in being selfish guys. As long as you aren't hurting anyone you did nothing wrong.

If this guy has worked so hard his whole life that he made so much money even after losing half to his divorce and child support still has enough money to support himself a lavish life style with expensive cars and young women, good for him! He has earned his midlife crisis!🎉

The friend zone is the best zone. Never got married, no kids ni attachements. Had a spiritual awakening at 40 and never looked back. There are some things you have to do alone without any outside influence. Marriage is contractual/conditional...unlikely for someone to expande their consciousness unconditionally in a relationship and with children, pressures to be responsible for others always needing more money to filfull your obligations. Its an inside job. First 40 years of life is just learning what you do and dont want so that you can create a better life. Some people dont learn and get attached to things that hold them back. Thats when they have a crises (psychological) cognitive dissonance. A man who procrastinates in his choosing will inevitably have his choice made for him by circumstance.

If someone calls you selfish, its usually because they want you to do something that benefits them and are upset that you choose to do something that benefits you. So basically a selfish person is mad because you are selfish.

At 42, I've come to realize that money is a tool. I’ve worked so hard over the years to realize that if you don’t make money work for you, you can’t experience true freedom. I’m glad I found that out although it was later in life, but that marked the turning point in my finances.

I don’t condone abandoning children who need you. Or a loyal wife. I know a lot of people who are widowed who deeply miss their spouse and describe being very happy together. Why do you never hear about that? A lot of couples are blissfully happy and devoted. But all you hear is negative. I advocate enjoying life along the way. Then you don’t explode. For decades, I’ve stopped to take that cruise, overseas trip, beach, mountains, whatever. Then you know you’ve done it while you are still able to do it.

The mid-life crisis is when men realize they have nothing else to prove. They know peak attractiveness was a good number of years ago, they know landing that "dream job" never came, and that perfect Disney fairytale wedding and wife and life is just that, a fairytale. You learn to then just grin and bear it, and have some fun. Go get that high horsepower car and take that trip if it makes you happy.

💯. I Delayed gratification my whole life. Did absolutely everything my ex-wife wanted. Realized one day that despite everything, she was still bitter and miserable and I didn’t have anything I wanted, but especially sex. I realized I couldn’t live this loveless, sex starved life anymore and i deserved to be treated better for everything I was giving. Now I’m married again to a younger woman. Still grinding away, but happier.

I’m 44 and recently bought a Dodge Viper and I’ve had a few people comment about mid life crisis. I respond “mid life yes, crisis NO. Just enjoying life”

We men don't call it a "crisis", we call it "having fun", which is not usually possible in a marriage.

I channeled my midlife crisis into taking a realistic look at my career and prospects for improvement and acknowledging I was going nowhere with it. I then went back to graduate school, got a master's degree, and finally landed a career I actually enjoyed most of the time, paid decently, and has potential for continuing advancement. Possibly the best decision I made for myself, my marriage, and my family in the past decade.

Yeah, it fits I am 35 and I just started asking 'What about me' Seems like a legit question to me!

I worked hard most of my life, got injured at work in my late 50s after 3 years injury prevented me from continuing to work. You really want to see people run away from you including Family just try becoming Disabled you will find out who your friends are, missed my Midlife crisis. I would say go for it before it too late!

Additional mid-life challenges: How many men are unwelcome in their bedrooms? How many guys caught their wives on the run? One bite of wedding cake and a man loses his free will. Women marry and divorce for profit. Why is marriage falling out of favor?

Being responsible, conscientious, dutiful and pleasing the ex wife and family: absolutely disastrous. I had lost who I was and felt used up by remaining in a bad marriage. This has taken me years to recover from. My ex had the empathy of a frozen stone, but loved to be served. Of course I take responsibility for what I did, but oh what a waste of years of my valuable life. The mortality issue only came to light at age 60 when my older relatives had died and I retired.

I've been having a midlife crisis for almost 10 years now. Quit working and started taking it easy. Life is good.

My mid life crisis came at 40. I went from hating running all my life to challenge running. Eventually I ran marathons.

Only married men have mid-life crises. After decades of being a walking ATM on an industrial scale, the kids finally leave the nest...what you are left with is a LOT of questions...such as...who exactly is this person sitting across the dining room table from me? Buying the new convertible is only a temporary distraction from the questioning.

I don't think it's a coincidence men's "midlife crisis" often happens around the same time the wife hits menopause, that's not often a lot of fun to be around. 😂

Wow, this is so incredibly pertinent to my current life position. 34, spent my whole life being the nice guy trying to help everyone I came in contact with, sacrificing all my own personal happiness in the process. Just in the past few months I realised my mistake and have started putting myself first, and boy does it feel good. My friends and family don’t know how to react 😂

One strange phenomenon of life is the burden of being competent and useful. Most people need an endless supply of help and far too many people ask for it. I noticed no one bother useless, incompetent people. I believe Orion has a video on saying "no". The art of saying "no" is something that should be learned early in life. It ties into the midlife crisis issue for sure.

So true. Meet my wife at 19, married at 22. 100% in love with each other and 100% broke. I wanted to give her the world so I worked my ass off building a company for the last 22 years. Tens of millions of dollars later, I have ruined this woman because nothing is ever enough. Today, I gave up and finally filed for divorce. I am going to focus on me and find my happiness. I'm much easier to please.

Excellent insights! As someone just a few months away from retirement, I look back on my life with some ambivalence. I could have done more to take care of myself earlier, however, having both busted my butt for 40 years at my job, but also took time to learn to play piano to a decent level, took time to ski, learn a new language almost to fluency, traveled extensively and took night classes in areas I've loved and pursued running, hiking and even still trying to learn to surf, I can be happy that I took at least this much time to be "selfish". Not only did it help get me through 40 years of very demanding employment, but also helped prepare me to live life to its fullest once retired. Thank you for helping put this in perspective.

Point is: Mid life crises is not crisis for the man. But for the people who depend on him. Similar to a woman who marries too early and divorces her husband after a few years due to FOMO

I had a gnarly one at 32 but I made sure to do it before I had a spouse or children it would negatively effect. Left a hospital administration role I had been at for 10 years. Sick of the stress and office life/work life balance completely thrown out of the window. I listened to every single person other than myself about what “I” really wanted from life. Broke up with my girlfriend, kicked her out of my condo, sold the condo and moved to an island. Joined the Army National Guard and became a Deputy Sheriff instead after taking 2 years off and solo traveling/smashing the gym. Pissed a lot of people off but I quite literally saved myself. Looking back I now see this less as a crisis, and more of a way I saved myself.

My midlife crisis will be a regret of most of my youth being wasted. But that's what society does to the youth. We need leaders too.

This hits home. I spent my first 42 years pretending to be a believing Christian because I grew up in a Southern Baptist church with a father who was always in church leadership. Everyone just expected me to follow in his footsteps and I tried to fulfill that role even though I didn't believe any of the dogma. Eleven years ago, I said enough and came out as a non-believer and left church for good. Luckily, my marriage survived and my wife and I are living our best lives now. My midlife crisis didn't involve women or sports cars. It just involved me stepping out into the light and taking back control of my life from everyone else who wanted me to be something I wasn't.

It's a derogatory term for men who have realized that they shouldn't spend the rest of their lives being a utility for family and society, and getting little or no reward. Interestingly, this happens at a point in life when they have the money to do whatever they want. Funny how it's called a crisis for men. But women are encouraged to do whatever they want and be stunning and brave. This proves how society sees men. As utilities. If a man breaks code, it's labeled as a crisis. To any young men reading this, i say; it's okay to be selfish. Put yourself first. Always. Thank me later. Great video. I'm not a professional psych but this video says exactly what I've been teaching my kids. Thanks for the vindication.😊

Thank you! I will never have this crisis, because I learned to be selfish enough (took me all my 20s to learn) and I’m great at rewarding myself and caring about my needs.

One more factor: Kids go their own way and it ends man's responsibility to raise his kids. If this responsibility was the only thing keeping man in the family while taken by his wife for granted...

Going through this now. 30 and spent my entire 20s grinding through college and PhD and then worked hard to rack up career accomplishments and money. Now I’m ready to enjoy it all but now I have pressure to get married and have children. Worried that the gratification I delayed will never come due to wife and children

When you finally become selfish for the betterment of yourself, you also indirectly become a better, more productive person to society. This is a mindset shift that occurs. It will be the most difficult thing you’ll ever go through; you’ll lose old friends, partners, even close family. The key is to stay on track; people will come and go. Allow yourself to let them go. You’ll become better for it.

Great video! Often times “midlife crisis” is also a shaming term used when TH the trajectory of a man’s increasing SMV intersects with that of a woman’s decreasing SMV. For example when a middle aged woman who is finally ready to settle down tries to convince a middle aged man who has just hit his stride that they are each other’s best match. Especially when they both know that she wouldn’t consider them each other’s best match when she was in her early 20s dating men his current age 😅

Completely relatable. I was around 36 when I started to look at my life and notice I was deeply unhappy. I owned my own home, great kids, everyone was happy, we had plenty of money, no debt, good friends and I put it aside because I felt ungrateful for feeling that way. At 38 I began to want to branch off from responsibilities I had accepted for so long and start to engage in activities that I like, this put some responsibility of my than wife who wasn't used to having to have responsibilities and she fought back. I ended up leaving her, I never bought the nice car but I am travelling around the world with my late 20s girlfriend. I have no regrets.

This is probably one of the most accurate, meaningful, and personal videos that I’ve watched in years. Thank you Orion. Your work is prescient and apropos.

Yes…I’m 47 years old and I have not had a midlife crisis because I didn’t settle down until 35….i did what i wanted to do first…and now I am married with a family…

This is such good message as I'm a younger girl seeing a man that's going through mid-life crisis. I can't imagine the life he went through serving his ex-wife and kids selflessly putting away all his desires and suppressing his nature. I am pondering what I can offer him to comfort him and make him happy.

45? Dude, I was 60 when I finally woke up!

"Everyone will experience death, but not everyone gets to experiences life".

I went through this in my late 30s: I suddenly realized that: 1. My parents were aging, 2. I was in a lousy marriage where my wife & stepdaughter didn't appreciate me, 3. I had a cancer scare which turned out to be nothing but still it scared the s*** out of me. 4. Work was becoming dull And I literally said to myself, "Ever since I was born. I was doing what other people expected me to do and told me to do. It's time to do whatever the f*** I want!!!" Now, at age 46 I don't look at it as a crisis, I look at it as an awakening. Women (whose best physical years are behind them) despise the midlife crisis because they know they've hit the wall and that men in their late 30s and early 40s are going to go for the young girl and her 20s. These women become resentful because they know they can't compete. As a result, men are made to feel ashamed as they attempt to alleviate the crisis. I began to really question the whole family dynamic our society still has. I really don't think we're wired for this

As someone in my forties and just separated from my wife, I can totally relate to this video. Too much responsibility for most of my adult life, and not enough in it for me.

Don't bother getting married guys. Just find someone you hate and give them your house.

I know a guy that worked 14-16 hour days for 15 years doing mechanic type work on semi's, his face looked like and old catchers mit at 42 years old, house paid off and money in the bank, wife and kids, but he looked beat. Some men give up everything for "what they should do".

one thing is missing in this video: before 40, you CANNOT afford all the typical mid-life crisis suff. Sport car ? Not enough money before. Women ? not enough money nor self-confidence before. And so on and so forth

This video is very important. My own midlife crisis began earlier this year at age 53 and involved very risky sugar daddy behavior, dating hot 20-somethings. Looking back. It’s amazing to me that I wasn’t quickly caught and didn’t completely blow up my marriage. the dating and sex was super fun, but was definitely not worth risking a divorce. Reforming one’s marriage is often hard, long and thankless work without instant improvement but it’s much better than losing everything and destroying your kids lives as well.

Just literally described my life

If a man spent 20+ years doing the “right thing” and starts realising that he had dreams that are slipping through his fingers he might try to grasp them and what better time when he has the most money he’s ever had.

I did notice this mid life crises thing in men in my family and social circle and i really didn't want to end up like them. You described everything perfectly, it all makes sense now. thank god i realized this on my own earlier at 24.

Once I got job in a career field, paid bills and lived a functioning, self-supported adult I understood why most Porsche's etc. are bought by middle-aged men; it's because they can afford them. They can actually afford the car. To buy the car, or the payments and the up-keep.

I Envy those who can wait so long to have a crisis. My father and best friend died when I was just starting out and that crisis for me came before I ever had the luxury of gaining any momentum on my journey into manhood. Now I take care of my aging relatives and I've never found any purpose in my own life, nor will I get the chance so many others had to have a mentor to help guide me into maturity. Death surrounds me and in some ways it's my only comfort. Yet many have it worse than I and I cannot imagine the people they will turn out to be if they percevere.

I totally enjoyed several mid life crisseez... Embrace your freedom to be yourself once more after the breakup and divorce.....

Women ask "what about me" all the time? Wow, between raising the kids, attending to Mr's needs before he decided to have his mid life crisis, working 2 jobs and doing chores while trying and study, I missed that memo. Took a looooong time before I could say "now, it's about me".

This explains why, at age 51, why I haven't suffered a midlife crisis. I'm a 17 year old, in the body of a 51 year old. No wife, no kids, not much to worry about.

Wow! This so perfectly describes me. I'm 10/10 conscientiousness as a personality trait. I'm a physician and have devoted my life to my patients. I remember turning 30 on call in the hospital and realized I had lost my 20s to the grind of the medical machine, while my friends were having fun. I love what I do, but it takes its toll. I bought my souped up Porsche a decade ago, but it had the quality more of delayed adolescence rather than midlife crisis. Now, a decade later, because of horrible doctor shortages, I was able to work out a job starting in one month (January 2024), working solely from home, with 35 weeks paid vacation. I'm buying a grand piano and taking lessons again. I'm building a home gym and getting into amazing shape. It's all responsible, and my family is supportive. Why wouldn't they be? I'm taking my extended family on a trip to Paris this next April. This is selfish . . . and yet it's not. I'm not escaping. I'm transforming.

Honestly my 'midlife crisis' literally saved my life. It happened at 32. Up until that point my life was and endless loop of doing things for anyone other than myself. I work in the trades and it comes with long hours. All i did was wake up early, sit in traffic, work my ass off at a thankless job that i hated, sit in traffic again, then eat and sleep. I was so depressed for years that it got to a point where i where i was getting really close to actually going through with a suicide and get it over with. I decided to get my skydive license because i figured if i failed, my life would be over anyways. Getting into that sport completely changed my life and actually made me a happy person. I'm excited to wake up in the morning rather than wishing i died in my sleep. Completely changed my attitude on life and im finally doing something for MYSELF. Had i not had a 'midlife crisis', i would've threw a bullet through the roof of my mouth.

Men are conditioned to sacrifice themselves for others, and to deny their feelings. At age 28 I had everything I was TOLD I should want…but I was miserable and suffering from a major depression. Why? Trying to run from my family demons had finally exhausted me…. …and I had scrambled up the ladder of success, only to realize it was up against the wrong wall. My voice that told me who I was and what I wanted for myself had been silenced…then commandeered to serve the needs of others. I was living the life they wanted and needed from me. Not what I wanted and needed. So the wheels eventually fell off. I was fortunate enough to have it all fall apart early enough to course correct…then start to face down the demons. But other men go much longer and farther on in self-denial and lack of self-care before the facade finally cracks.

American Beauty is such a good movie.

This was me. Successful 1%’er. Slaved for others my whole life. Ungrateful wife and family. Went crazy dating young girls, travel. Amazing analysis.

I spent so long trying to do what was right and to help other people and while I am on paper well off, it all just felt hollow when I realised that while people appreciated me, nobody actually really liked me. I got taken advantage of work, I couldn't get dates despite having a 6 pack and when i tried to organise social functions at my apartment, everyone conveniently couldn't come between 72-24 hours from the event. There was no crisis moment but life just slowly hit me over the head too many times to where i've been reminded that I need to make changes if I don't want to Titanic. It's been a very slow but i've gotten more selfish over time. My life has been improving a lot as a result.

Is husband going through mid-life crisis correlated with wife's menopause period, atst as having more resources and still being attracted to younger fertile women? I wonder if there's any studies on this.

Why have people become so ill mannered these days? They are stressed out and while that excuses nothing, to me they are best avoided as much as possible. We should not tolerate RUDE, OBNOXIOUS, TOXIC PEOPLE SHARING THEIR MOODS AND CRAP WITH THE REST OF US.

Yep. You pretty much described me at 43. Now I’m single, with a brand new convertible, a dog, and a heck of a lot less stress from the never ending demand for “more” from people who are never satisfied with the effort.

Agreed. It took me a long time to internalize the idea I consciously understood but didn't live out: Loving others *as* yourself does NOT mean love others *more than and at the total expense of* yourself. I hope I can successfully import this to my children so they can deliberately contribute without over contributing to their detriment.

Men should also be proud that they are contributing to society and their communities through this 15-45 window. It’s not just the immediate family and the individual that benefit from intense focus, service and sacrifice. Feeling valued through this process with a strong sense of esteem and pride will also prevent embittered reflection at the mortality realisation.

I had what may have been a mlc at 41. It was connected to all kinds of stuff, but mainly falling head over heels in love with someone half my age while being stuck in a sexless marriage. The contrast of hanging out with that 10/10 young, beautiful, fun, alive woman and coming home to my wife who mainly just gave me grief and guilt trips was causing a lot of inner turmoil. I knew I could never date or be with the other one because of the age gap and everything, so it was pure agony on a daily basis. I felt what can only be described as grief. A deep pit of longing, loneliness and regret inside. Having to step back and let her live her life and just watch from the sidelines has been torture. I had to let her go completely for my own mental health, but it's still a struggle now two years later. I got a taste of what I used to feel like in my teens and early twenties, and I realized how far I had let myself fall into the routine of life as a working husband and father. When I was with her, everything was just fun and exciting. We traveled together and did all kinds of stuff together. Even though we never had sex, it made me feel alive again. It was truly an eye opener, and I think it perhaps could be described as a midlife crisis.

It hit me right after my dad died when I was 43. Almost 50 today and still no solution. By the time you realize it, it's usually too late and it gets worse over time.

I've come to the conclusion that sacrificing your mental/physical health for someone else is NOT a virtue. People who genuinely care about you would not want that. Unfortunately too many people now EXPECT it.

My midlife crisis was at 41. I was the financial manager of the biggest school foundtion in holland with 65 schools in it, And one day iI just stayed in bed agnoring all the calls til 2 days later the police showed up at my door th see if I was still alife. I told them to tell my boss I quit, sold my house in a few weeks and traveled through Europe fo a year living out of my suitcase. After that I started my own financial interim compagny and got a 28 year old girlfriend. It all endend badly but thats another story.

this midlife crisis triggers when you are in the ratrace speeding to your full and realizing your going in the last place, all others surrounding you, are ahead of you but you get lagging more n more.

Excellent video. Men have an inherent bad rap during and after divorce, yet carry the majority of burden for providing, protecting and pioneering for their families. They die younger, usually without allowing themselves personal privileges, while their wives are looking to "trade up". Some balance needs to be struck. I admire dedicated male providers immensely.

The way I can relate is I lived an oppressive life up until I was around 21, though different from these men's choice of being a dutiful husband, father and worker. Eventually I exploded and didn't want structure or duty at all in my life. Just in recent years I started desiring duty and purpose in service of others in life.

Married for 12 years. I lived my life to the fullest, partied like a rockstar, lived a hedonistic lifestyle, and when I got married I let all that go except my 2 sports cars: Honda 2000 and BMWM3.they cheer me up when I’m having a bad day…lol

The best thing that happened to me was reading The Millionaire Next Door in my 30s. I have two rentals in two high-status neighborhoods, and my primary home is in a working-class neighborhood. I am chilling and doing me!

The genuine need for self gratification to create you own best balanced life never goes away. I'm 73, in a new large age gap relationship, she's 41. Over the years I've journaled and frequently explored what I wanted at that time in my life. Now, I'm very clear on what I want, don't want, demand and refuse. What's really cool is I can get all of it with up front communication and she is absolutely happy in our position. A big hint: Know what it takes to creat your frame and do what it takes. Then demand it. When she is (loveingly) in your frame life is easy and good.

It’s funny! I spent my life so far living wherever I wanted, doing whatever I wanted, working out and looking attractive. I’m 40’s and my mid life crisis is not having a wife and kids.

Very true and very close to home. Happened to me at almost exactly age 40. At age 45 (after the crisis induced divorce), I started riding motorcycles for fun. I should have started that a lot earlier.

Im at a point where i dont even know how to have fun. 10 years ago was about starting my career and grinding at that. 5 years ago marriage and kids. When i get time to myself i domt even know what to do. Its a crazy concept

My experience is that it is the time of life when one realizes that no matter what you accomplish, no matter how hard you work, you end at the same place...death. Once you hit that nothing you did in your life will ever matter to you because your consciousness is gone. Perhaps those who believe in an afterlife might be less affected but that's what one deals with.

You have described my life exactly. I was the duty-driven, socially-conscious man in my marriage. I did everything the family wanted or needed. Then I looked around and said, “but what about me?” As Montaigne remarked, let me live the last few years of my life just a little bit for myself.

I started to develop a dread in my mid 30s. A dread of not being able to afford a dignified retirement life, given my current career and salary. That's when I started being really selfish, demanding raises and hopping between jobs. The rat race had just begun for me and I wasn't going to be the one left holding the bag.

This video is a watershed moment in my preset life where I just exploded , start becoming selfish n preserving my energy n resources..

For a guy, its a "crisis." A woman, its "empowerment."

My Pops is over due for a mid life crisis. 'Delayed Gratification' has always been his motto over the years; I keep wondering 'when is he going to finally do something just for himself?' like getting a new sports car, jetting off to Marbella, depleting his 401K to buy a boat?

I believe Dr. Orion, you are half right. The crisis is caused by awakening, that could manifest in breaking things and trying to change the environment. But, enlightenment is scary and is a lot of work - you realise that the environment you are in is stifling and is not healthy. You have a video on that. Doing self-care - yes, men don't do anywhere enough of it.

I’m 58 and just spent 35 years raising 3 sons with my wife, put them through Baylor and Pepperdine. 35 years because I’m still helping the oldest one. What I can say is that my parents did not give me 50% of what I’ve given my children, and all my 3 sons don’t want to have children because they can’t imagine that kind of sacrifice. I call parents my age the “fools generation” because we gave like fools. At 50 I picked up motorcycles again, and am now hardcore, even rode my Ducati at Laguna Seca at 58. What does that make me? Just a man who wants to stay young at heart by doing things that challenge fears. And I’m well past middle age. Tom Perry had it right - “you never slow down, you never grow old”. BUT you don’t have to leave your wife, that’s criminal in my book.

Yeah, this hit me starting in my mid-30's. Everything suddenly seemed utterly pointless - a wasted sacrifice with no reward and even ridicule. There was no family loss or a health scare. But the thought process was different than described. I pushed on out of stubbornness, spite and pride and have not looked back. The struggle is its own reward.