"You're not allowed to have any single girl's number" Well I have your number "But I'm not single" Now you are

If you need to sign a contract with your girlfriend, it should be a restraining order

If your gf gives you a contract, say this to her: "If you want me to love you unconditionally, then why do you give me conditions?"

A wise man once said “relationships are temporary but gaming is forever”

Be grateful if your girlfriend gives you one of these at the start of a relationship. You get to dump her much earlier and save yourself a lot of drama.

Boyfriend: just wants a sane girlfriend Girlfriend: “A nice dream. But dreams are meant to be... *broken.* “

"You are not to ask for head" It's cool, your sister does it without asking.

"If you have to have a contract in a relationship..." Me: *Stares nervously at marriage certificate*

I would straight up leave if a girlfriend did this stupidity.

"You are not allowed to have any single girls number" Let me delete your number real quick then

The only contract I sign is the Geneva convention of 1906 and even then I break every rule of it

Her: pulls out the relationship contract Him: pulls out the divorce contract Her: *(Surprised Pikachu Face)*

The only contract I’m signing is a divorce

The only thing that should be on a relationship contract: No cheating (Edit: I changed dating contract to relationship contract because I think people are misunderstanding what I meant. I’m not talking about an open-relationship, I’m talking about a relationship where things are starting to get serious. Sorry for the confusion)

To quote Calvin and Hobbes, "If all of your friends are contract friends, you have no friends."

If my girl ever did this I would rip the contract in front of her and say “yeah... we’re done.”

If someone ever does this, just leave. Don’t simp

Girls when their boyfriend complains about them starting an Onlyfans: “You can’t control me!” Also girls: *Contracc*

"Men are no longer interested in dating women. How could this possibly have happened?"

"Steve, as your employer, I must ask: why do you come into my office blindfolded? Is this a joke? An insult?" "I'm sorry Kayla, it's just that I literally cannot look at another woman. Here's my legal binding..."

Fun fact: If he agrees she´ll break up with him within weeks.

If a man did this he'd be critized for being too controlling/toxic

I showed my gf this and she goes "I'm getting you that before we get married" and I said "cool I'll sign it if u sign mine" she replied "what? What u gonna make me sign" me: "oh a prenup"

A wise old man once said, "Give a girl a bag of gold, she will complain that it's too heavy."

I’m going to become her boyfriend just to break every single rule

Me: *expresses interest in a girl* Girl: "To date me, you must sign this contract." My interest in them: *gone*

Imagine being so insecure you put your boyfriend in a literal prison.

“You can’t look at a single girl.” What do you mean? I’m looking at one right now. “But I’m not single.” You are now.

Girlfriend: “I made this contract for our relationship.” Me: “Excellent, I’ll get this over to my legal team, we’ll review all the details and get back to you with a counter offer as soon as possible.” Girlfriend: *surprised pikachu face*

This is why I'm single Aside from the fact that no one talks to me.

Woman numero uno is forgetting the golden rule of relationships: No-one comes above the boys

Fellas, if your girl says to choose between her and your gaming career, always remember that a ps5 will never break your heart.

These girls are gonna be karens when they get old

girl after she made this contract: “wHy DoEs No GuYs WaNnA dAtE mE”

Nowadays you have to record your girl giving in consent so she can’t hit you with a false allegation

I kinda died inside when I saw in the second contract that its actually signed by the guy. He just made selling his soul to the devil seem weak

For anyone who feels down during the video: If you look at the chat in the gameplay you can see the enemy teams congratulating each other for the goals. Restores some of my faith in humanity

She’s not telling him who he can and cannot be friends with... She’s telling him he can’t have any friends at all.

"If we move in, there are to NEVER ever be girls at our house" *the two manage to stay together and have a daughter* The guy: mmm yeah...sorry but the daughters gonna need to sleep outside. You know the rules

Girl: so since were dating imma need you to sign a contract basically giving me full control over you. Any sane person: *_yeah no_* it’s over

Girls: WhY iS hE nOt ReSpOnDiNg To My TeXtS Also Girls: *wait hours to respond*

"You're not allowed to ask for head" *all men have left the chat*

my girlfriend: would you leave me for your frie- Me: FOR THE BOYS

If I were to ever run into a girl like this I would just laugh and give her back her contract. Also, curious what's the penalties for breaking the rules?

This is exactly why men are losing interest in relationships, it's just insane.

Those 15 dislikes are simps who sign contracts like this Edit: Thanks for the likes, didnt expect that many lol.

Girl: buys boyfriend game and tries to control when he plays it Men:buy their own copy so nobody can dictate when they play Girls:[surprised pickachu face]

To those toxic gfs: We'll steal your hearts, not romantically, but rather metaversal. We'll strike on Valentine's Day, so be ready. From, You Know Who We Are P. S.: If this are your conditions, then this is a relationship I don't want any part of

Simps would absolutely agree with this kind of relation ship.

Women: "Respond in 10 minutes or else!" Also Women: *Doesn't respond for hours*

The texting one really gets me. Like imagine your phone is dead or you're, you know, busy with something important.

Woman doesn't want her bf to be around girls Her bf: bisexuality rocks!

Girlfriend's after you sign that contract: *YOUR LIFE,HAND IT OVER TO ME!*

Women: "Respond in 10 minutes or else!" Also Woman: *Leaves you on read until you start convo again*

I realized that staying single is the most happiest thing happened to me

Lol I'm perfectly fine with my boyfriend having a life too. In fact, I'm happy that he has friends and tbh, I'm friends with some of them myself. I completely understand that life happens and guys can struggle with it too. We all have our secrets and he doesn't have to tell me everything. Though what he does tell me, I will certainly listen to. There's definitely a good level of trust between us. Although I do sometimes worry when he's around other girls, I'm fairly secure in his words that he loves me dearly and wants me to be his lifelong partner. He's also the same way with me around guys. Tbh, I'm friends with a lot of guys and I can say for a fact that I have never treated anybody else with the same level of affection as I have with my boyfriend. I have relatively low expectations. I understand that there's no such thing as a perfect relationship or a perfect marriage. There will always be challenges, so I'm willing to take 'em on with my boyfriend. And so far, he's shown it too. I'd say our relationship is decently healthy. :3

Who wants to bet “Tyler, Noah, Devon, or Josh” are guys she has been with

If I ever got a girlfriend that acted like this you'd bet they'd be kicked to the curb faster than they could say "contract"

Thank you Optimus, you're making me happy I don't have a girlfriend xD

and this is why most of us rather be single

Optimus: It's not like he's going to cheat on his girlfriend with his mom. Alabama man: Are you challenging me?

I love how she's trying to be cute writing a contract that makes a relationship go downhill and making her really insecure and paranoid

And people wonder why the stereotype of the "crazy girlfriend" comes from. :P

When a girl does it people think that they really care about her but ohhhh when a guy does it he gets framed as abusive, canceled, and probably jailed

"Knock Knock" "Who's there?" "Single" "Single who?" "You."

As a girl, I don't claim these people.

when she cuts out hanging out with the boys "FUS RO DAH!!!"

I do what I want. That's why I'm happy and single.

Me: Is any of this negotiable to any degree? Her: No Me: And for that reason, i'm out.

GF: There will never be girls at our house BF: Ok *”kicks gf out of house”*

“Spend as much time with me as you do with the game 😌” *Puts game on the shelf and never touches it*

She was crazy the second she gave her boyfriend the contract and expects him to follow this.

Me: *signs first contract, pulls out phone* Her: "what're you doing" Me: "deleting your number bc you're a single woman now"

Imagine a guy letting his girl walk over him like this. If she’s trying to tell you how to live your life show her the door. Self respect is more important then pu$$y, change my mind😂

"You're not to mention [Four male names] again". That's sus AF

Key things to look for in a significant other 1.same hobbies 2.a few shared interests 3.accepted to all that is you 4.the only contracts acceptable are marriage and property leases

First contract legal loopholes: - Cheat with married/partnered girls only - Visit friends and never leave - Invite friends over once/twice in a week and let them stay for several days - Look at girls who are in groups - Take a treadmill with you everywhere. When a single girl approaches, place it on the ground (directed away from her) and walk on it while flirting - Don't invite Mo to hang out on one occasion, then afterwards always invite Mo - Demand head - Select a single thing and don't get mad about it to her ever again. Get mad about all other things - Binge drink when with your GF - Whenever a phone check occurs, produce multiple phones for inspection. Include old style house phones, gramophones, microphones, saxophones, xylophones, hydrophones, megaphones, full size phone booths and earphones - In public, start a conversation with your GF about jumping and literally say "howhighprincess" every time she uses the word - After moving in, enforce the no girls allowed rule with zero tolerance. Physically throw out all female friends and family members your GF invites over, without saying a single word - Don't get caught - Say "I love you once a day" on one occasion - Text the "me back" in response to all messages

“You are not allowed to have a single girls phone number” So wouldn’t that include you too? :v) For that ten minute limit text thing bruh i hope someone purposely waits 11 minutes to text her back

i thought it would just be something simple like “don’t leave the toilet seat up”, oh how i was wrong

I hate the fact that people think men can’t be abused by women.

My relationship contract: No cheating Sign here ---->

The very concept of a contract is based on distrust. I mean, correct me if I'm wrong. As an aspie, I'm not wired to understand money and economics beyond "It has a price tag. If I want it, what I tender must match or exceed the amount on said tag. If it thus exceeds, I am entitled the remainder amount in return. If I want to sell something, I must put a price tag on it, hope to god it's reasonable, and apply the same aforementioned rules only backwards."

Imagine pausing the video to read the paper Then realizing its being read to you as a part of the video This post was made by me

The only contract ill take from my girlfriend is a restraining order

"You are not to have a single girl's phone number" Deletes the girlfriend's number

Bruh if I ever have a toxic girlfriend that tells me that I can do this or not hanging out with my friends and she says to me “who do you choose me or the boys” I’m definitely going straight for the boys not even finishing her sentence

This reminds me of Courtney’s list of Things to Fix for Duncan from Total Drama

Jesus Christ why did these men not run? smh. Too many women have lost their grip on reality.

Rule: If we move in, there are to NEVER ever be girls at our house. Doctor after the wife gives birth: It's a girl! Husband: Welp, we have to put up for adoption. (Looks away from daughter) Wife: Why?! Husband: The rules state that there will NEVER ever be girls at our house and I'm not allowed to look at single girls.

The only “relationship contract” I can agree with is a prenuptial agreement. At least that one doesn’t control anyone’s actions during the relationship. It just makes the breakup easier.

I am 45. I dated a few crazy men and women when I was in college and after before I got married. None of them were anywhere near this high maintenance and crazy. If someone gave this to me, I would have laughed in their face. It's so over the top that I don't believe it.

I can only imagine these girls faces when these guys say: "no"

This is why I don't date girls anymore. my last relationship ended when she asked me to skip mandatory college classes just to text her, I'm not doing that again.

Their daughter: Dad? What do you mean I have to sleep outside? That guy: you know the rules and so do I

Me if this happens: tears the paper in half

Another sign that we are regressing as a society.

And these simps are actually following these orders smh

I think Optimus is winning an argument in the shower and we are the shampoo bottles

Guy: violates a term of the contract Girl: So you have chosen... death

Its hard to imagine how she would prevent him from visiting his family because there are "girls" like his mom, aunt, or even sister or cousin