No contact (the set of strategies I invented in 1995). Well said.

@@samvaknin how do I get out of marriage with one when he won't leave the home and is dragging out the divorce and is offering me the worst deal - after a year in lockdown its actually sending me crazy - putting mortgage into arrears, sabotaging car, stealing bank cards, manipulating children

Truth!

@@kateherron107 me too, I’m trapped in a marriage, left the house with equity he won’t budge. I’m on SSDI renting and he has my family banboozooled . I totally bankrupt cptsd ran for my life and they act like I abandoned him. I was literally a hostage in my own house, head and body.

@@kateherron107 seek legal advice

Sorry hope you guys are healing and I hope your son is in counseling and you as well.

same at our house, sadly

Same here!!!

Same. Both having trauma therapy he left six years ago ( actually i tricked him out of the house) no contact now for 1,5 yrs. it was that no contact point where we were able to get therapy without being triggered or retraumatized. Esp my daughter (15) has severe ptsd. She said: mom Its been peace ever since

​@@karlippo it seems like your kids have first hand experience in recognizing npd. Chaos is a strong signal.

Thanks for that reminder

Like Sam said, this thing we are dealing with is much, much more contagious than the Rona lol

At the same time, letting your own narc traits come to the forefront is the only way you can get free of them so you have to become a narc to a point or be completely swallowed.

@@metaleclipse Thank you for posting this..Very poignant.

The difference is you have control and a choice. You can choose to hurt people and to love people. All the pain and chaos they cause is a reflex they can't help to destroy their lives and everyone in it.

This was one oof the most disturbing parts of being in a narc family. If you didn't think like them or agree with hem, they would physically or financially harm me.

Oh my word a.All is Well. You have forgotten Sam is a narcissist; has said himself narcissists do not feel ANYTHING for anyone, do not do ANYTHING for the ANYONE unless it serves THEM, and do not do ANYTHING for the greater good. They know exactly what they are doing, while hiding behind their narcissistic mask, playing you. There is NO love NO compassion or sentiment for ANYONE . Sam tells us about his qualifications, all his videos, all the books he's written (grandiose superiority) but is only sharing his knowledge because it gives him the craved attention he NEEDS 24 HOURS A Day 365 DAYS A YEAR from 260k subscribers, but even a trillion subscribers would never be enough. He doesn't do ANYTHING to benefit you or me and you really have not learned what narcissists are about. You have been taken in through a computer screen ! you are ripe to be abused by a narcissist. From bitter experience I can tell you a narcissist is not a beautiful person. Imagine your worst nightmare, quadruple it and then realise even at that point you will only be scratching the surface of what they are capable of - with a smile of their face.

@@susanbell8270 Maybe so, but who cares if his information provides knowledge and healing for people?

My mother to a T.

All they want is love, but all they give is hate.

I said to my narc why do you make it so hard to love you…he couldn’t answer.

​@@inkmonkey09They give love except their definition of it was programmed incorrectly.

The “addiction” we are subjected to is like witnessing a multiple car pileup accident, you can’t look away and watch every second of it.🙁

i think you are exactly right. i left mine almost a year ago (6/12 will make a year of NC). it took about 6-7 months of introspection, therapy, and self examination before i started to feel like myself again… now, as wrong as it feels to admit, i am almost grateful for that awful experience with him. the pain of it all may have brought me to my knees and cracked me open, but it also forced me to confront parts of myself i didn’t even know existed. parts of me that i may have never met, otherwise.

Very well said. This is the conclusion I have come to as a codependent. He showed me how I avoid myself and need to evolve. If I had been more evolved, I would have seen through him much sooner and not chosen to be with him. Thank you for your thoughtful response.

right on!! Trust me she woke me up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I also love being alone - and left alone. Nonetheless, the world has forced me to learn to be more comfortable - even functional & effective - around other people. It's never been my preference to go out & about among others.

Biggest Narc exploit. Those in authority have dependants parroting it.

Being alone or introverted has been perceived as a threat (I guess, in Western Cultural society) as other people, obsessed with finding fulfillment **strictly** through relationships, proclaim that being alone is ANTIsocial (I prefer asocial) and must be a symptom of (any?) Personality disorder; which, I suppose isn't **wrong**; but whom do we allow the authority to say what's considered "healthy" or Gandalf forbid, normal? What if, certain people don't need *so* *much* interaction with other people (or, the tribe) to be healthy 🤔 idk but you can't be **more** free than when you're alone.

@@sojournerkarunatruth4406 A personality disorder is a misuse of motive. It isn't selfish to be alone, it is a relief from the selfish. Something a narcissist refuses to understand. We have to turn to our own balance of mind to handle influence otherwise, allowing others to feel more comfortable with its sense.

@@RHope7, As I recallled, but I could be wrong....But Sam did say in one of his most recent videos, that in these times it might be not necessarily a bad thing to be alone because people are worse. And a lot of people are suffering from feeling like they are alone. So I hope people who feel lonely don't overthink it, & with this knoeledge being put out how can most not be. Narcs can't handle/game a lot of people like they use too.

divorce from covert narcissist is a nightmare in hell experience - you wake up and drama is endless, you sleep and you do not get rest. Your children are used as non animated objects for any imaginable and non imaginable abuse, DCF, police psychologists , whatever legal power exist cannot control him, only restrains temporarily until he adopts and morphs himself into the new creature to haunt you, sending his pets/flying monkeys at the same time to cover all directions you could possibly go to get some oxygen to breathe. Anything goes- no food/water for children, sexual - touching, sleeping, grooming and if he is not allowed to touch, then he will expose himself and touches himself. Any degree of psychological/ emotional/financial abuse/neglect goes. Sometimes I believe that he is watching some horror movies and imagining himself the main character in them. It still not possible for me to comprehend that all of that could be inside of just one non-human mind.

Good luck to you! My story is very similar to yours. Great fake personality, but they let you do the work. I stayed with my narcissistic husband more than 20 years because I saw his potential. I believed that he could become a great person if he put in some effort. Except, he is not in the least inclined to do that, he‘d rather work on his fake image than on himself. Also, my mother and grandmother both had narcissistic husbands, so I thought his behavior was normal. I thought all men were like that. If you doubt your decision to leave, think of your girls! You have to protect them or they’ll suffer and even end up in narcissistic relationships themselves. 💕

I too have the same situation. That sensation of not being able to breathe. It’s funny how when I first met him I would have the sensation of choking so I couldn’t breathe. 20+ years later I Now know what that meant. I’ve been trying to divorce and it’s taking years and the silent abuse gets worse but the contempt and hate we have for each other is surely the worst experience for our children. How do I get him out of the house so I can breathe

@@thescreenbiz people say walk away, not realizing what that means to children. I understand. Stay grounded in your values, & your reality. You will have to be a warrior like leader for your kids. Falter internally never waver externally. They feed off weakness, narcissists. Be strong, do it for yourself & your kids. It’s the challenge of a lifetime, in my experience.

@@zensurf2709 I think you are right I'm doing a prayer blessing what ever you want to call it now I'm a surfer to you are wise and strong 🤙

NT?

​@@enoch6977I think it means neuro typical

I feel you brother. All I want to do is reach out to her family which she will abandom or cancel time with me to dote and fuss over and who im kept far away from. Tell them who I am and my experience and explain how much I love her and all the pain and chaos it's caused in my life. That I'm not just a jealous controlling faceless man. The crazy ex boyfriend.

It trully is a nightmare. I learned to not be so naive with these type people.

Dear lord I feel bad for you, hope you can at least rescue your child from that monster.

Exactly like me.

15 years here. I did not know either about Narcissism abuse, I Did not know the word “gaslighting” but I had been dealing with it all these years. Trying to find my way out, we have an early teen so it’s not just me fleeing. Trying to regain my financial independence and struggling with all the pain and frustration. Good to hear you made it!

@@lpokrova hi 👋 I’m going great …. No contact he try calling me with different numbers I blocked everyone I don’t even pick up the phone bcus I don’t recognize the number … no contact is the key to our healing it’s hard but it works … I don’t even think bout him anymore I forgive him bcus it’s a disorder but no contact no contact works…. When we get stronger they get weaker believe me …. I do come on KZfaq n still listen not all the time … I’m doing much better …. Most important I have a peace of mind…. No contact is the key to your happiness….

@@lpokrova not a problem you see this will be the best time since you guys are far apart you need to heal from all this Larisa … I’m telling you the truth you will be crying a lot it helps cry it it out … you need to speak with ppl who understand narcissism … let me give you a joke I told some friends n you know what they tell me move in forget him but it wasn’t easy to do bcus u know why they don’t know what I’ve been through … he told them I’m crazy etc… u kbow what I did … I got up blocked all those so call friends drop them n you tube n quora bcame my friends let me tell u Larisa I was reading everything that I could find to help me pull through this n look at me today I’m doing really good … I didn’t know I could pull myself out of it out I did…. When u get stronger these parasites get weaker … u need to pull yourself together n get back what you had before he came in the picture… this why I’m telling u read n pray pray for god’s to direct you to give you courage n strength pray for guidance I’m only telling you my experience that helped me … listen it have coaches on KZfaq I’ll give you some names to listen too n you can read the comments as well The tea on NPD and relationships the coach is Telsha omg she’s good Another Doctor Ramani she’s amazing she’s a phycologist… once u ask her questions she answers you really good …. Narc Surivior his name is Chris he’s good …..you have Mental Healness with Lee Hammock he’s a diagnosis Narcissist he’s in therapy he’s telling u how narcissistic ppl are I ask him so many questions I got all my answers u won’t believe how these coaches has helped me today …. I’m not telling you I’m begging you plz look up what I jus send you n you will let me know u can speak with them one b one as well … I forgot to give you another Assc direct Channel he’s a coach really really good plz try listening to them kk best advice I can give you …. Don’t hesitate to contact me kk I’ve been there I know what you’re going through …. Try to relax kk you jus need to work on being you again n try your best NO CONTACT NO CONTACT ITS THE KEY TO YOUT HAPPINESS ☝️

@@lpokrova I forgot you need to take back your POWER …. He has none none …. These predators are cowards liars manipulative n very destructive demonic entities remember forgive n get better …. Don’t take him back it will get worse trust me I’m reaching out to you bcus I care Larisa I live in Canada 🇨🇦 at least we can still communicate from all over the world I know what’s happening to you … u found a person who’s looking out for your best interest … take care send me a message day or night I’m here to answer any questions you have … every Thursday tea on NPD with Telsha she’s live to speak to her audience n ask any questions u have to ask jus let me know n I’ll introduce the coach to you … jus remember I’m a survivor to narcissism… trying to help another reach where I am …. It will get better my dear friend Larisa kk 👍👍

Yep. We thank them for the lesson

Well you must have had a very different experience then me. There is nothing about the time I spent being used and degraded disrespected and fake loved that I could ever consider a gift .I was a fool for believing a monster was a person. So at least I will never be able to trust another person again. I obviously have to assume anyone is a monster at this point. I could only make that mistake one time in life because its like the one mistake that cant be undone. It's almost like a part of me is dead and dead is dead!

@@lilbirdhates6 No point beating yourself up. Please. You are allowed to make mistakes. Forgive yourself and allow yourself the grace to make mistakes in the future as well. Once you accept what has happened you can start to process and learn what took place. That is when you have better chance it not happening again.

​@lilbirdhates6 the narcissist causes us to turn inward and grow, become steady and calm in the storm while the rage against us, this is a lesson that only battle hardened solider learn, yet we have become experts on, this can help you become more resilient in the future. The more violent and nasty he got the more calm and peaceful I became and he hated it, there is strength in calm, and quiet indifference

Resolve as in severe the relationship? You must know there are no tricks, or tips to make the relationship better. Get away and go no contact.

You helped me exit this week I almost died

I’m still trying to figure out if she’s a narc or if she’s just a human being with some character flaws... mostly caused by her parents style of raising her... also, she admits she has issues and has been seeing a therapist for 2 years.... I know she has a lot of fears which she’s finally admitting... At this point most of you reading this are thinking “ He’s gonna be eaten alive by her” Well, she has many beautiful traits and if she is truly willing to change as she claims..... I’m not putting a label on her yet... wish you all clarity and self love ✊🏼

Yes. My work deals exclusively with people who are diagnosed with NPD (=narcissists). People with a narcissistic style are not narcissists (Sperry).

Absolutely True Professor Sam Vaknin

@@stevetrivago if she is willing to learn, to change, to get therapy and counsel she is most likely not a narc. But rather a victim of her upbringing or some abuse along the way. Bec a narc can normally not self-reflect. They don't want any help either, bec. They see themselves perfect. .... Maybe your girlfriend has posttraumatic stress syndrome. If you support and love her she might slowly heal. Most of all listen, and don't bring fixing solutions. Just be there for her

@@stevetrivago To be honest my husband after researching the benefits of micro dosing fungi and PTSD tried it. It helped. Tried a higher dose. After it was over the next day cried about what he had a revelation on, he's a narcissist and the full extent of the harm he caused me and the children. He had a spiritual awakening which is the only hope for a narcissist to change. Life has been much better but he is still working to not fall back into bad habits. Edit: Also in 11 years of marriage it's only time he's cried.

CoDA. I reflect on why people seek attention from people who care little for the others well being. Its a sadistic cyclical dynamic.The buttons are optional variables, pick all the above option B. My opinion from experience, run.

Each time he rejects or disapproves it keeps you hooked and he has a giant mindgasm as you try to please him more. Or less doesn't matter. He sees your ploy and keeps rejecting your attempts to reject or attract his attention.

You are confusing narcissistic supply with kind attentive empathy (what you are offering him).

If it comes from you it might remind him of his mother. So he hates that and he has no respect of female attributes. With a stranger it is different, bec. there is no attachment

Exit strategy...

Id do stuff like that as well .like I could send them to score lol. By listening to the game in a am radio and watching on TV at same time But hey I can't watch TV or sports like nothing fake on TV or censored news anymore I get so irritated and nauseous I HAVE AN URGE OR SOMETHING TELLING ME TOO TAKE THIS HORROR OF A LIFE AND START FROM THE BEGINNING I JUST AM LAZY TO WRITE AND IM NOT SURE HOW TO EVEN SYART OR STYLE OR WHAT I CANT EVER STAY IN THE LINES. IM BROKEN TO PIECE'S AFTER ALREADY BEEN BROKEN AND. GLUED BACK TOGETHER. HE CHOSE TO FUCK MY NEIGHBORS JUNKIE FAT WHORE GIRLFRIEND WITH IHUGE TITS HES ALWAYS SAID DISGUST HIM . THEY BOTH ARE GASLIGHTING ME AFTER I CONFRONTED THEM INFRONT OF THE CHICKS BOYFRIEND MY EXS FRIEND AND DOPE DEALER . MY EX SND HER ARE LYING S D JUSR SAYING IM DELUSIONAL AND CRAZY AND HER BOYFRIEND THINKS I REALLY AM DELUSIONAL LIKE HE HATES ME BUT WHY IM TRYING TO HELP HOM REALIZE MY EX EX GIS FRIEND GAS ALREADY FUCKED HER IN HIS OWN HOUSE WHILE HE WAS AT WORK I WAS RIGHT AT TGE HOUSE HE WENT MISSING ABD TGE DOIR TO HER HOUSE IS 4 FEET FROM MINE OMG I'MLIKE PLEASE NOTAT MY PLACE WHERR I LIVE. Now I feel paranoid but I really think my best friend Monica has lied and slept with my ex as well. I totally believe that my friend Monica is exactly like my mom and my ex. Living with her last year made me feel like I do at moms. Like I'm not really anything special or less than .orals and shit to me are no longer in her just pure manipulative tactics 3 boyfriends I know of and she has always had sex with my lovers. Fml I have been triangulated by Narcissistic abuse for my whole life. I almost died 2 YEARS ago from my ex's hand in my throat. Lucky I have had to wear false teeth for a long time and i grabbed them out of my mouth to be able to breathe omg. He was biting my arm growing and pulling my skin off. While still crushing my throat. Manger chick came I got free and he went to jail been out now a year or More now and he even got my name tattoo on his wrist. Something he said he would NEVER do

Thankyou Carla.

How did you heal from being a narcissist? I heard it was something that is irreversible and your false self is ingrained once you lose your sense of self as a child.

Yes.

He will not change. Only you learn to cope sort of.... I was with one for 20 years. And relating to your last question, of course that will hurt him and you might cause a big narcissistic injury to him. He might rage or take revenge or whatever. So why would you say it and what is your motive behind that. It is not helpful in any way i believe.

@@aussieopalgirl2915 Thank you for answering. I ask because I try to understand. I worry that I may have caused already an injury. I thought he was having an affair. I meant it back then, but I regretted it. I shouldn't be so mean to him. After all, is he really a narcissistic or is it my fault also? But you are right, he came back just for revenge and guess what.. He did it! I really suffered..he did and said many nasty things.. I am more sure now that he wanted revenge , my instinct warned me though. I am sorry that you had to suffer for so many years.... You must be a very strong person..! I wish you luck, love and light in your life fron now on! ❤️

@@whatever4218 thanks a lot. If he is revengeful that is a very bad sign. Try to get out. A normal person does not want to harm. Bec. we have a conscience. But a crazy person acts like either to make you obay or pay....so a crazy person is an indication of wasting time with the wrong one. Bec. They will not change. And crazyness is a form of mental illness. Be aware. Protect your future children. I have lost 2 Teenager Children to suicide. Living with their father for 20 years. They were not as patient as I They were fragile small people. So my own strength only helped me to survive. Not them

@@aussieopalgirl2915 Now I am more certain that you are a strong, amazing person who gives strength to others too... They say that God only gives us what we can handle.. I will pray for you and your children every day... They are in heaven! As for you... I know it is hard.. But I m sure that you will find something that makes you feel better each day.. and maybe you will make a difference in this world..!

@@whatever4218 i think i have healed now quite well from PTSD. But i have not found so much to be motivated in General, where is my joy? .... I have educated myself a bit in understanding Narcissistic disorder. But nevertheless i asume now my second husband is just the same. He also has 2 faces i think. So the ugly one has overshadowed now everything and i am not sure anymore if i should stay. He is sort of different, but also such a difficult character.Now i am learning about gaslighting, i believe this is what is happening now in this relationship. I am kind of disappointed and think i want to rather stay single for the future. Need to make up my mind. But you are right, my faith in God helpes me tp survive

You fix it by walking away and never looking back.

Who cares, divorce him and move on-that’s abuse.