“This isn’t a ship, it’s a cannon with FTL” has the same energy as “This isn’t a fighter plane, it’s a high caliber rotary machine gun with wings.”

Most engineers: Let's put guns on the plane. GAU Avenger engineer: Let's put a plane on this gun. [Many years later] Most engineers: Let's put guns on this spaceship. Human engineers: 😏

this is why I prefer railguns when writing books, Lasers are cool, but Humanity loves their Kinetic weapons.

A ship that is really a gun. Now we need a planet that's a gun. The Krellian admiral salivated at his coming conquest. This was a inferior species, cowardly and weak. All of their colonies were abandoned in the face of their armada. What could these primitive beasts do but run? Now their resource rich planet was ripe for the taking. The soft pink creatures finally decided to fight here as a large enemy armada surrounded their home world. The admiral was glad to finally have a fight. This had been quite the boring invasion and he needed SOMETHING to get his frills up and his blood pumping. His excitement was dampened when the alien ships began to move away from the planet. The admiral frowned and growled in frustration. "DAMN COWARDS!" He bellowed. The admiral raised his fist and slammed it into the arm of his command chair, breaking a part of it off. This was not the first time he had done this this invasion. "PERSUE THOSE SHIPS!" "LET NO ONE ESCAPE!" "WE WILL MAKE THEM FIGHT!" "My lord, they are stopping." said the sensor officer. The admiral looked at the screen again and it was true. The ships simply seemed to be moving out of the way of the fleet rather than fleeing. "Do they think we will spare them if they give us their planet?" Scoffed the admiral. Then he noticed something. The planet was rotating oddly. The planet was moving to fast. It shouldn't be rotating this fast. "MASSIVE ENERGY SPIKE DETECTED LORD!" Shouted the same sensor officer. The admiral looked closely at the mostly blue sphere. He noticed there was something coming into view on the surface. Something so huge they could see it even hundreds of thousands of teks away. "By the grand hatchery." said another crewman in awe. The admiral was at a loss for words himself. It was a trap all along. They had not been fleeing the Krellian fleet. Simply moving out of the way. "They weaponized their whole planet?" said the tactical officer. "EMERGENCY JUMP! ALL SHIPS RETREAT!" The admiral tried to save his fleet but before the order could even be transmitted there was a blinding flash and the Krellian fleet, 100,000 ships strong, was reduced to molten slag. (on the surface) "Excellent work general." said Henry Fulsom. an aspiring politician on the United Earth council. "Not me sir. thank the egg heads who built this monstrosity." replied general Akerson. "So can we really position AND move now?" asked Fulsome. "According to the techs Earth now has independent inertia control and atmospheric stabilization. We can even warp jump." The general looked quizzically at the young politician. "Why? Thinking about a trip?" Fulsome smiled "The council has an idea. They visited our home. Only fitting that IT visits theirs.

If Mass Effect had real humans. Citadel Species: "We use spinal rail guns, too! It fires a three kilogram round." Humans: "Okay, but what does the gun fire? Car size or dump truck? Nuclear shells, of course" CS: "...please don't murder us."

Never underestimate the human ability to throw a piece of metal really Really REALLY frikin hard.

Lol, I had a ship like this in a Star Trek RPG. We called it the "GAU 404: Ship Not Found" XD

Alien: How did you manage to create and direct a micro-singularity that moves at light speed with a gravitational wake that destroyed a planet sized Battle station? Human: Basically we evolved our technology to throw rocks even better. Now we accelerate slugs to such speeds that their relativistic mass increase makes it collapse into a singularity until the slug evaporates through Hawking Radiation. The gravity wake it leaves behind in the mean time creates enough kinetic energy to turn all mass into quantum plasma.

The first story could also alternatively be titled "why the Star Wars galaxy really shouldnt mess with the UNSC."

A dragon walks into a bar. Dragon: BLAH BLAH BLAH! Human: AAAAHHHH SHADDAP!

Soldier is the definition of human space Ork. Even having the psychic powers of them by loading 4 rockets in one rocket launcher and firing one at a time like there was only one and shooting a rocket at his feet doesn't kill him but actually allows him to almost kill everyone. He is the ultimate human space Ork.

All the Dragons are gangster until the Humans start packing "heat".

A story about a Physical space battleship Yamato! nice!! A ship that has "Destroy that direction" Mentality when it was built

The pain of that DM who has a single player who can one shot all the enemies

3:31 when you apply the same design philosophy of the a-10 to a space ship

to anyone asking why the ship didn't get rocketed off in the other direction, I would like to let you in on a little thing about railguns: Their main selling point is that they do very little actual propulsion, but throw a lot of momentum into a ferrous slug via rotating electromagnets, accelerating the slug and giving it spin. So yeah, probably just a little propulsion, maybe some chemical or electric discharge, but mostly just electromagnets. (Btw that's also where the accidental EMP pulse came from)

Kinda reminds me of a (Larry Niven, IIRC) story where a warlike species tries to capture a Human ship that uses a photonic drive... which is essentially a massive laser. The humans (supposedly pacifistic) turn their ship around and slice the attacking ship in half.

What a message that was. A canon masquerading as an FTL ship literally vaporizing two pirate ships. The crew of the surviving one KNOW that they are still alive only because that monstrosity WANTED to let them live.

“A dragon walks into the tavern” *lute music increases*

That ranger was certainly a glockhead.

Cmon, there are tales of grizly bears charging with dozens of musket shot wounds, and videos of them surviving point blank birdshots into face... and dragons get yeeted by a glock..?

Every unsc ship ever... I love it

I’ve seen the Humans are Orcs posts, and I’ve seen the Humans are Funny posts. And both are good. But my pet headcanon is that Humans are the Sneaky Ones. We’re not the Klingons; oh sure we thought we were at first, then we run into the Krogan or the Daleks or someone like that. We *can* fight, we’re not bad at it. But there are others far better. (“Frightening isn’t it,” the Seventh Doctor said, “To learn there are others better versed at death than human beings?”) But we *learned* from that experience. We learned *quickly*. We’re not the Klingons. We’re the Romulans. We’re the ones you never see coming….until it’s too late. The ones we fought first, predators themselves, thought we were easy prey. Then they realized their mistake. They realized we aren’t the hunters that chase you down on the plains, no. We’re the ambush predators. The pit trap spiders waiting in their den for the foolish alien who wanders by. They don’t call us dishonorable or cowards, and while they still hate us, it’s a respectful, wary hatred of a worthy foe. We implimented stealth technology quickly. It didn’t take long. They never knew our ships were there until after the first shot was fired, and the survivors heard, over their communicators, the terrible sound of our laughter (which we deliberately cultivated to sound like every melodramatic villain ever. Muhahahahaha.)

Let’s be real here, our first military space vessel will literally just be a giant cannon with engines that we use to shoot asteroids coming to our planet. It’s gonna happen.

That isn’t a ship, it’s a cannon with FTL. So…the Longgun of the Apocalypse from Schlock Mercenary?

humanities greatest export is regret

Second story's energy is basically "When the DM assigns you Ranger class thinking of Aragorn but you misunderstand the assignment and on the backstory you write RASP, Fort Benning and Enduring Freedom"

First story... Like Every single UNSC frigate. Just giant mac guns with engines, armor and missiles, for a good measure. I wonder, how would these same pirates react, when they would see UNSC Spirit Of Fire or Infinity/Eternity :D

There needs to be a story of a human mining colony that got attacked but all the mining ships have ridiculous lasers and just cut the opponents I'm half

It gets a like automatically for the title 🤣🤣

A PLANETARY defense weapon given FTL. Definitely a message to be taken seriously. Dungeons and Dragons with modern weapons. An interesting concept.

Kinetic weapons are the best weapon cuz no matter what the shield is you hit it with enough kinetic Force you're going to kill whatever's behind it

Story one:Woman with power scary Story two : normal day in dnd

This just in, Smaug got fucking iced by the Arizona Ranger

That isn't a ship it's a cannon with FTL- BOOOOOOOOM

I love the story with the space A-10.

Unexpected, but awesome, that something D&D made it in. - The comedy was definitely a bonus. It reminds me of a Living Greyhawk module where my ranger and a party member's bard made the main boss easy pickings for the melee combatants in the party. (It was Entangle cast by Etrion and as the bbeg levitated himself, the bard cast Tasha's Hideous Laughter on him, dropping him back into the entanglement (when he failed to pass the check). The DM wasn't exactly pleased by this turn of events.

Master has given Dobby a Glock

Weak dragon only geting taken out by a hand gun the better dragons need a bazooka shots or rpg shots to take down the bigger ones need modern tanks shoting the main cannon. And the mythological sized ones need railgun shots.

Great stories selected! And loved these voiceovers!

"Next time son, Don't fuck with a human who has a gun" Lemme fix it abit so it rhymes... *Next time son, Don't fuck with a human strapped with a glock*

Okay, for the dragon tale, I have to hit subscribe, the bell, and the thumbs-up. Sorry, but I'm unemployed, at the moment, so further support will have to wait.

@11:25 Or the DM can step up the challenge factor of the encounters. I'm not much for D&D, but I do enjoy GURPS... and a major selling point of that system is being able to mix and match such things (relatively) freely. You not only can select what kinds of fantastic elements are in the game (including none at all), but you can tailor the "flavor" or "tone" of reality e.g. harshly realistic, regular realistic, cinematic (like an action movie or adventure novel), four-color (like 80s/90s comic books), to silly (life is like Looney Toons!). A glock is still _really_ effective against a medium-sized or smaller dragon. Scales only offer so much DR. Though, dragons that talk also tend to belong to traditions where dragons are also quite magical, or at least, rather intelligent. An older, savvy dragon will be, shall we say, prepared. Be it with magic that is as effective at repelling bullets as it is arrows, or just packing their own heat and... now I want a game that is _DinoRiders_ but with *dragons.* >.>

Got watch those Texas rangers 😎

Stay strapped or get clapped. - Steve probably.

As much as I like railguns, since it's become so cliche, I've decided to write human ships with the ability to switch ammo types on their main guns. Plasma for long range since it gets to higher speeds, and solid shot or shells for close range.

to be fair the ranger with a Glock saved the bard from his half dragon offspring.

A combat vehicle, build around an AA gun. So this is basically the Tiger tank in space.

2nd story, as a former DM, I understand that sentiment only too well.

Pirates ''HA! look humans we got three times your numbers'' human design just go ''yhee...so we took a gun meant to deliver area denial and KILL SHOOTS on capital invasion ships from PLANET sides.... and strapped engines on it ,so....your three ,we already got 4 shoots in the drum... pew pew!'' XD

Last story: it was the DM’s fault for allowing the firearm in the game in the first place

In all fairness it is a hell of a shot to kill a dragon with a Glock.

Since dawn of powder we always love shooting things out of the sky

1st story; kinda like A10 2nd story; hmmm it should be a d.eagle with armor piercing round.

Story one: I want you to tell all your friends about me Story two: Never bring a dragon to a gunfight

Yup, DMs know that every well laid plan goes off the rails as soon as the characters start to play. If it doesn't, you're not doing it right.

"My gut had a feeling, and it was right"... "Thank'ee Cap'n"

Why not just use drone ships to make FTL missiles???

The space equivalent of the A-10 lol

I enjoy all of Agro Squirrel Narrates videos

You're one of the best hfy narrators. Still have some growing to do but you make these stories more interesting than others.

Story 1: The obvious space evolution of the A-10

20 men had tried to take him and that 20 men where dead, for the ranger there upon him had a big iron on his hip- big iron on his hiiiiiiiIIIIp.

"This ship is what you get when you hand a Florida Man a lab coat and tell him to get this really big gun into space."

As a DM myself I wholeheartedly endorse guns in my campaigns but the players have to work for them, it balances out

Amazing voice, amazing videos. Glad you have scrolling text as well,

Algorithm be pleased.

So the ship is space A10. Built around a gun platform.

Ah yes A-10 design theory

I don’t know why but I feel called out here

So its an A-10? They built the plane around the gun is the joke.

Steve sounds like a fun ranger

For the algorithm

Im mental, and there's not much gent about me.

makes me wish we could build ships with spinal mounted railguns in stellaris... sigh*

so why does your ship need that much thrust well one needs to counter act the recoil somehow

Thanks for the story

Mmmmm, I do love Relativistic Kill Vehicles

I hit like and comment as a subscriber because algorithm.

Gee, a glock can take down a dragon? I knew they were decent firearms but... guess it was the G21

Kinetics are better at killing planets than lasers.

And what's the message? Do NOT fuck with us.

Aliens playing DnD in this universe might be funny. They all pick humans as characters.

thats not what capacitors do.

The chapter division is wrong; the second story doesn't start until 9:53

Who the frick gave a ranger the gun that's just going to end with instant death for anybody who goes against the Ranger

A space warthog?

So a space A-10 warthog?

For the Prophet

F.T.A.

Thats why one dose not allow firearms in d&d

For the Algorithm the story and the voice

Ah yes, space A-10

NAT 20!!!

#699 *N I C E*

epic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2:45 what is this FTL?

Must be a Glock in 10 mm

For the Algorithm11!

Second story,,,, no glock anymore huh? Sigh,,, .454 it is.