Absolutely love your documentary style, serious voice over for the videos in this series. Even better is getting to learn about things I had never heard of, and finding an intrest in something I probably never would have discovered without your content. Thank you so much Kyle, you're an awesome dude

I love how in his most desperate hours, he makes sure to return the deadly thing safely to someone who knows how to handle it

The slow, torturous, agonizing method of suicide he chose, paired with a history of severe alcoholism and suicide attempts speaks to an immense self-hatred Mr. Crofut must have had within himself to commit such complete self-destruction. very sad

What struck me the most was that he took the trouble to make sure the iridium was safely recovered by someone who knew how to handle it. Despite what afflicted him, at the end of it all he was not without compassion.

The thing that stands out to me were his methods. The gasoline, the previous exposure to radiation, both of these would’ve been extremely painful ways to die. The way he did end up dying was extremely painful. Even if he didn’t intentionally expose himself that one last time, he wanted to die in an extremely painful and hard to fix way based off of his previous attempts.

It’s entirely possible he did irradiate himself intentionally, but while drunk enough to where he didn’t remember doing it. Whether he did or not, this is still a tragedy. I hope his family was able to recover from this as best they could.

The most bonkers thing about this, is that he'd been arrested so many times, yet companies kept hiring him to work with radioactive materials. "Yes, I see you've been arrested for drunkenness over 10 times. But I'm sure you're sorry. Here, have iridium. Im such a good hiring manager."

My dad was a non destructive radiographer for 30 years. He did this his entire life. I almost went into the same job, but living in a hotel room and having no friends or family is a huge burden on you. Mental stability in this line of work is very difficult. its insanely hard working conditions, a lot of travel, and 16 hours days. and not to mention being around radiation. They have insane security measures on these cameras now. As they could be used to make dirty bombs. i give my respect to these workers.

This is honestly heartbreaking. Radiation would be the last suicide method I'd ever chose. Even at my worst when I had already picked a fail-safe method, I wouldn't have subjected myself to the worst possible death known to mankind. The fact that he chose this fate over life says a lot about how much he must have suffered.

My father was also a drunk, who tried once or twice a week to kill us all by turning the gas stove on without igniting it before leaving for work, among other things. He never apologized, or even admitted to anything, even up til his death recently. He has always given me this feeling like the denial of alcoholics is so strong, it's like they have two minds, unaware of eachother. For that reason, I don't find it surprising or convincing that Douglas swore all the way up to his death that he didn't know where the burns came from.

I always look forward to new Half-Life Stories episodes.

If he did it intentionally, then he took deliberate steps to ensure that no one else was harmed. So, he has my full empathy and respect.

He must have really hated himself to choose such a slow and painful way to go out. This poor man. Words cannot describe how oppressive life can be sometimes, and I can only wonder at the depths of his despair. I hope he has found his peace.

This story is a great example for the "scientists don't even know what/how caused [blank]" argument. Scientists have great hypotheses for a lot of mysteries that just can't be "proven" in the scientific sense. It doesn't mean that scientists are baffled or dumbfounded and just can't figure it out.

Love how this is explained. It was a closed case as "unexplainable" because the commission had to deal in facts. The facts they had to work with were coincidences. While they made perfect sense put together combined with his previous history, they were still coincidences and weren't perfectly lined up into a cause/effect explanation. Therefore, "unexplainable". Love this series!

Well, the fact the most severe burns seem concentrated over his chest and heart kinda confirms it was definitely suicide. It's the place I'd probably hold it if I were trying to do the same thing, hoping the radiation would fry my heart quickly and cause a not TOO painfully or drawn out death. Or I'd hold it to my head, but I don't know if you'd be able to hold it there for long enough to be entirely fatal since it'd probably make you feel very ill and have seizures rather quickly. He probably left the device with the neighbour because he KNEW the guy would know how to handle it properly, instead of risking his family by leaving it in the house or risk strangers by just dumping it somewhere. So at the very least he DID try and think of others as his last act before death.

There is something so inherently tragic about someone who wants to cause themselves unimaginable suffering, who believes they deserve unimaginable suffering, being gentle, kind, compassionate, and concerned enough to have been so careful to protect everyone else. He thought he deserved to suffer, and yet, took such intricate care to make sure no one else ever did. I wonder if he knows that somewhere deep down, even then, he was a good person. I wonder if he died knowing he didn't deserve it. I hope he knew. I really hope.

“We will never know the truth, as that light faded with his.” Sent intense chills down my spine

It's hard to imagine someone choosing such a fate. To die by radiation poisoning has to be one of the worst fates any person could be subjected to. To spend months in unimaginable pain as your body slowly but inevitably deteriorates before your very eyes and the eyes of your loved ones. I don't know the misery of Douglas Crofut's life but the misery of his death, for himself and those around him, is truly horrifying to imagine.

Years ago in the Army...there's a statement...I caught a female soldier with her breasts exposed to a radio waveguide. She was trying to give herself breast cancer to get out of the army. I've often wondered what eventually happened to her. People who get to an emotional or psychological point of despair can and will do things no ordinary person can fathom. Drugs and alcohol only fuel these things. It appears he tried to medicate with alcohol and when that failed, he did something new to relieve that emotional pain. A waste to be sure, but a story as old as mankind.

This is one of the saddest things I've ever heard. Imagine being so _desperately_ sad that you set yourself on a course of unimaginable physical pain just to end it *eventually*.

I think what is so scary about radiation is that you can totally pick up a inspecting object and end up having your whole life changed forever. The unforeseen consequences are the most terrifying. That's why it is important we all are informed of these things.

As an Industrial radiographer myself I’d always hoped you’d find a way to make a video about what we do. The “cameras” as we call them that he would have operated back in the 1980 and 90s were MUCH easier to manipulate and have the radioactive source become separate from the casing. The yellow “cameras” you showed are Delta 880s and it’s what we use today are it’s basically impossible to accidentally lose the source. This was 100% a suicide. He wouldn’t have even needed to steal a source to do this to himself. He could have simply taken a break at work and done this to himself. I don’t believe he had stolen the source.

It would have been unbelievably easy to sensationalize this story. But I think you've tackled it in a profoundly humane way. Bravo Kyle. If there were ten of you, the world would still sorely need more.

I feel terrible for this man. He had his life ripped to shreds by substance addiction and was unfortunately given the opportunity to be around such harmful chemicals. I hope he's doing better now.

If he really was as much of a drink as prone made him seem, I could easily believe he truly had no idea what or how it happened. Many heavy drinkers have memory issues. Even those that don't drink often can have memory issues if they get drunk enough. So whatever happened stayed with his drunken self and slipped away shortly thereafter.

Imagine being so miserable, having professional knowledge of how painful a death from radiation poisoning is, and comitting suicide by irradiating yourself. It's absolutely heartbreaking.

What scares me about radiation and nuclear stuff is for some reason everyone describes the light given off as beautiful I don’t know why but that kinda creeps me out

Damn, that was a dark one. This is probably my favorite series on KZfaq, honestly. I love how you’re writing

He was a man who just wanted to end the pain, his alcoholism and past history shows what was eating him inside was hurting more than the radiation ever did and i feel bad for him. I hope he found the peace he was looking for R.I.P Mr. Crofut

What a remarkable event. He could have never imagined that decades later, so many people would be enthralled by your video, and his name would not be forgotten.

It's so sad to know how deeply this man was hurting to do that to himself, while also being so considerate of other people that he still managed to safely return the iridium

That has got to be the worst way to end your life. I've dealt with severe episodes of depression but nothing has ever made me want to hurt myself in such a slow agonizing manner. I hope that man is at peace now, even if that peace is just not being

I used to work as an industrial radiographer for 12 years until I got laid off last year. We are taught from day one that it only takes seconds to cause serious harm if a mistake is make. We have tons of safety gear now to prevent that from happening. but if it’s intentional, there’s no saving you.

This is an unbelievable story. Its heart wrenching how much pain this man put himself through.

I found this on a website about Douglas Crofut. I can't confirm if it was written by his daughter or not. (assuming due to the posters female name). Douglas Crofut was my father. I was a teenager when he died of an extreme overexposure to radiation. I didn't know this information was on here until brought to my attention yesterday. There is so much more to this story that was never brought to the public eye. Just one example of that would be a time I remember when my father was working at 3 mile island in Pennsylvania. The men wore badges each day that measured any amount of radiation they may have been exposed to. One day in particular, my father came home from work extremely upset because something had happened at work, he said that they all knew that they had been exposed to radiation but didn't know how much. He was very worried about what that amount would turn out to be. He said that when their badges were analyzed they would be able to find out the level of exposure. Only that never happened, because the group of badges from that day completely disappeared. There seemed to be alot of these types of things that would play out over the years until he finally passed away at such a young age. My father worked in this industry for approximately 15 years. What wasn't known until after his death was that radiation exposures are cumulative. Each time your body is exposed over the years, it continues to build up in your body. Your body isn't able to slowly get rid of the smaller exposures over time. While it does seem that the massive radiation dose that he had was centered on his chest area - which, btw, was way worse than gruesome, if he had exposed himself to radiation he couldn't have done so without exposing the whole town that he lived in. In the early days of his hospitalization, it was said that he had an exposure in excess to 180 rads of Iridium which would be enough to wipe out the population of the town he lived in. (Later, I believe it was updated to twice that amount.) The Nuclear Regulatory Control Commission came to town with their Geiger counters measuring the levels of radiation all over town because it just wasn't possible to 'steal the missing capsule from a locked truck and the capsule re appear sometime later at someone else's house after placing it in his pocket for a period of time' without exposing the whole town. (That was according to the NRCC at that time.) The biggest part of that story that has no substance is that neither of these two other men wouldn't have even been looking in either of those trucks for the radiation capsule, to even report a theft, until they had reached another job and had a reason to open the back of that truck with the enclosed capsule inside. When my dad was working, he had one of those trucks at home. Theres no purpose at all to go into the back of it unless you were at a job site. So I do not believe that there was a "reported missing capsule" from one truck and then weeks later its discovered on a different workers back porch. IF that happened, WHY would the first worker have been looking for the radiation capsule in a residential neighborhood to begin with. I think that was a "setup story" to try to make it look like my fathers fault. No, my dad didn't have any life insurance, since he was unemployed at the time, workmen's comp wasn't an issue, he didn't have anything to gain by doing this. Did he have issues with alcohol at the time, absolutely. If he had wanted to commit suicide I believe he would have just done it. It wouldn't have been with radiation. He was very intelligent, he knew enough about radiation to know that a lethal dose would be a slow, agonizing death that he surely didn't choose. He adamantly denied this until the day he died. I know a lot of people will disagree, and that's fine. But, I lived through this, I watched him slowly burn from the inside out. It was extremely traumatizing. I have pictures of how it ate his body from the inside out. It was like nothing I have ever seen and nothing I hope to ever see any human ever go through again.

What I love about these videos is its always respectful to the victims. Some channels on KZfaq try to "amp up" the horror and over dramatize it, but I feel like these videos just let the cold hard reality of the situations speak of how horrible what happened is. What a sad story. Just, good lord what a way to die. Even his failed attempt at setting himself on fire would have been a painful way to go, but his actual death is so much longer and drawn out. Just...man. Look out for your loved ones everyone, sometimes people are hurting inside.

Having lost people on their own terms, the comforting thought has always been a quick check out from this planet. I can't imagine suicide with suffering like that. He wanted pain, that's not suicidal its something much more complicated.

As a fellow industrial radiographer this is insane. Great Video.

What a tragic tale. This happened in my hometown of Tulsa. I was 11 at the time, so I completely missed it... apparently I was too wrapped up in toys or girls or top 40 radio to care. I assume my parents knew. So sad.

A very sobering video. I can imagine that it was the "no take backs" part of radiation poisoning that appealed to him in the darkest moments, if it was in fact suicide. 5 minutes of painless exposure to guarantee death, even if that death is one of the most painful later. Stay healthy people! Mental health is part of health!

That photo was taken before the age of 38!? My goodness! Smoking/Drinking ages you "like whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat"!

Huge respect for making sure nobody would be harmed but himself

Damn. The fact that he knew exactly what that would do to him, and how ugly it was going to be, and seems to have done it anyway. . . It says things about his mental state, and how much he felt he deserved to suffer. I mean, yea, just damn.

It’s always humbling to see Kyle do these kinds of usually goofy energy videos about certain topics but when it’s something like this? The goofy energy is shut down and it takes a turn to very serious, respectful, and something that really gets you thinking in a very different way than what you came into the video thinking. Your work is amazing, keep doing what you’re doing. Don’t change.

If he did intentionally expose himself to gamma rays, I can believe he would deny it, as if he admitted it would have resulted in all kinds of criminal charges. I'm guessing, since it involves nuclear material, probably some extremely serious charges at that. Now maybe they wouldn't have actually charged him because he was a dead man anyways, or at least waited to charge him to see whether or not he would recover. If he admitted to it, his family would forever have to bear the shame of knowing he had done this egregious criminal act, whether or not he was ever arrested for it. By denying it, his family can, if they choose, reject the accusations as unsubstantiated and not have to suffer the ignominy of his being a criminal in this way. By staying silent, he gave his family some cover. For a man as troubled as he seems to have been, that was a pretty decent thing for him to have done.

This is such an incredibly sad tale. To die in such a way, regardless of whether it was by choice, is a horrible way to go. If it was by choice, I find it hard to imagine a worse choice for one's own demise. That the material was safely returned is one of the few positives in the story.

These half-life histories are my favorite thing you do! I love the reverence you treat these stories with and the tone you achieve. I’ve learned so much while also being entertained and moved. Thank you.

Well I'll be, a story under the nuclear umbrella I haven't seen till now! Thank you Kyle!

Very good video, this series always has something interesting to offer and Kyle makes it all the better. Great work, dude

I've been watching several of your KZfaq videos lately, and I just wanted to say that I really appreciate the compassion with which you treat the victims of these nuclear accidents. You present history as history, neither blandly nor salaciously, but always reminding the viewer to remember that, ultimately, history is about people, individuals who all had stories and intrinsic, irrevocable value, and are not just what happened to them. This takes a lot of care and effort, something that many other history channels lack. I have a degree in archives, so it means so much to me to see someone treat the subjects of the events with care. Remembering the human is something we need more of. Thank you.

Damn. That’s a horrific way to die. Slow and agonizing. My father was an extreme alcoholic who also took his own life. I feel a deep empathy for the man, I’ve had substance abuse issues too. Clean for 12 years now. The fact that he safely returned the iridium says to me that this was a conscious choice. He wanted to punish himself. He wanted to hurt. It’s a shame that he didn’t get the help he needed and a double shame that he didn’t choose a simpler less painful method. At least give yourself a bigger dose of radiation, make it quick and deadly rather than slow and torturous.

It's hard to understand why someone would choose to end their life with radiation poisoning, I cannot imagine a worse way to die.

I don't know what sorts of metaphorical demons would have to possess someone for them to CHOOSE dying in this manner. Of ALL the ways to go, this has got to be one of the most horrible. The amount and length of suffering... just mind-boggling.

These episodes are always SO interesting and informative, put across in such a way that albeit sad, they're enlightening! Thank you Kyle.

Thanks so much for covering this case!! I've been hoping someone would for a while

Love the nuclear content. I was a nuclear propulsion mechanic on a submarine for 8 years and it got tiring trying to dispel myths and rumors around nuclear power.

Possibly two main motives, 1, Suicide. 2, "Accidental Death" to secure a life insurance pay out for his family, since he could not work to provide for them due to his severe alcoholism (If he ever had one). I suspect this is a very likely scenario, IF he had life insurance. Of course he would not incriminate and out himself, as that would void a potential life insurance payout.

You have a serious yet calming voice. perfect for these kinds of vids. even your story telling skills (production and everything) is so captivating! I am binging all of ur Half-Life playlist and enjoying every single vid i have watched!

What a sad story. The man wanted to die. I wonder if he hated himself and wanted to choose the most miserable death. I wonder if he was punishing himself, or trying to die in a way that was, initially, painless. Poor guy.

Kyle, there are a few channels for which I hit the “like” button as soon as I start the video. Yours is one of them. Thank you for your always informative and well-researched content. If I were a teacher, I would use your channel, especially the video in which you explained that googling isn’t research. The whole country needs to hear that one.

That is the worst way to go out I can imagine. You probably couldn't even begin to comprehend the pain he was in

I think it likely that he just thought radiation was much more *immediately* dangerous than it is. Like, he thought, well people survive getting shot but nothing survives craploads of gamma rays. Which is true, but obviously it takes quite a long time to kill you with even a massive dose. Just because he used radioactive devices doesn't mean he is an expert in cellular irradiation or whatever. He was probably just told (accurately) "don't touch that stuff or you will die"

I can only assume by the title; radiation is actually a sentient thing and can choose to merc whomever it desires

the only half life series that I expect to see a new part, good job as always .

I went through radiography school to do that job and they told us these stories as a warning about safe handling. It's kinda scary stuff when you are hands on with it, when a miscalculation can be deadly. There wasn't a lot of security around the source either, just a box on the back of a truck with a padlock.

I’m blown away by the care and respect put into all of your documentaries! Just amazing. Thank you.

Great job. Always look forward to this series.

Despite how dark it gets sometimes, I'm absolutely fascinated by this series and would love to see more.

You always treat these stories of real people and real situations very respectfully, and keep any jokes for your more lighthearted videos, which I appreciate.

I always appreciate the warnings for graphic images. Although I love hearing these stories and learning about this stuff, I get queasy quite easily. I'm glad that doesn't have to stop me from enjoying these videos!

i was once deeply suicidal myself. in that state, you think life is infinite agony and death the only cure. you don't wanna put the people in your life through the "inconvenience" of your death, but also can't bear to keep existing just for other people's sake, and therefore resent the idea that someone, including yourself, might try to stop you... suffering some more in the name of discreet and irreversible "salvation" probs seemed like a small price to pay in that moment when the mental pain was at its peak and the physical pain of the slow death ahead of him had yet to come

Half-life histories are some of my favorite videos on KZfaq. I've watched all of them multiple times, and a new one is an immediate click. As for this one, I cannot imagine what would make a man commit suicide in such a horrific, torturous way. I have had suicidal episodes in the past, but I studied how to make it as quick and painless as possible. Death by relatively moderate radiation exposure - not enough to kill quickly, but enough to ensure that you absolutely will die - seems like the absolute worst way I can imagine

These stories are always so thoughtfully and respectfully done. I appreciate so much that you don't sensationalise or mock anyone you cover.

These are so good! Keep up the good work, can’t wait for the next one. 🤘

Thank you, Kyle. I like all types of your videos. I found this channel and it looked more of a fun science at the beginning, but now I see these documentaries of such a good quality bringing so much emotion. This channel is one of my favourite to return to.

"He died of radiation poisoning but no one knew where he got it from" 10 seconds later: "he worked with pellets that were a strong gamma-ray source" ..alright, lets see where the "mystery" comes back into play 😅

An interesting book idea: Murder mystery. Man wakes up with discomfort in his chest. Goes to hospital, has radiation poisoning. Spends the book, slowly becoming sicker and sicker, trying to find out who has killed him.

This documentary theme is amazing and please keep this format up.

You are a really good writer sir. The comment about the radiation eating him like an invisible cancer… The alliteration in that sentence was great. I’m sure you’re quite busy with all your work and all of your constant creation but if you ever get the inkling I would love to read anything you write 💕🙌🏽 You should write a book!

This series is incredible. Can't wait for the next one, as always. I knew next to nothing about the nuclear power prior to this series, and am very thankful for the knowledge.

Dude was seen trying to set himself on fire and no one got him any help? I feel like he could have been placed in psychiatric care for his own safety at that point. It's sad that so many people knew about his self destructive behavior and yet he was on his own.

Nicely presented story, thanks. It just seem unlikely someone would take their own life by radiation, especially for someone why understood what he'd be going through after being exposed.

Another amazing video my dude, this has got to be the most interesting series going on the KZfaq's

This is the first time I have heard of this gentleman. What an awful, agonising way to die! I am learning so much watching your videos, Kyle. Thank you for all your uploads.

I have a theory. Crofut, in a drunken, state became curious. His morbid curiosity of how it feels to be irradiated combined with so much going wrong with his life led him to stop caring for his own safety. Much like the depressed teen who wonders who would care enough to show up if they were hurt, he wanted to know the feeling of irradiation and who would care. I will guess that the person he wanted to appear did not, so he did not talk about how it happened, and took it to his grave.

You, good sir, are a phenomenal linguist and tale weaver. Kudos and keep them coming!

this was such a good documentary that you have presented to us, for free, and I thank you for this gift. keep doing what you love, Kyle. youre amazing at it. 💕

First, let me say that I have nothing but compassion for this man. He clearly suffered an immense amount of emotional pain, and needed help. What follows is simply my attempt to shed insight into his potential mental state using my knowledge of standard and abnormal psychology. Additionally, I have personal experience interviewing people in mental hospitals and have lived with mental illness myself. While some may be unsettled by these conclusions, please keep in mind that what I'm saying is not meant to judge anyone's choices or experiences. I'm simply stating my own observations and interpretation. There are many, far easier ways to kill oneself. Slit the wrists and bleed out in a tub to fade away, take way too many pain killers, fall off a roof onto one's head and snap the neck. All these methods are quick and, relatively, painless. If a person is contemplating suicide frequently, they are often aware of the many and myriad ways they could do so. If the goal of a person is to end their pain, they typically seek the method that will end themselves with the least pain. Self inflicted gunshot and pills are two of the most common methods of suicide for that reason. However, for a person to attempt suicide by self immolation or radiation exposure, there needs to be another motivator besides simply ending a painful existence. In cases where the person in question chooses a slow, painful method of death, they often believe they deserve punishment for some sin real or imagined. It would not surprise me if part of the mental illness afflicting this man was a form of shame and self loathing for which a quick death would be "too good for me." It's even possible that he's telling the truth when he says he didn't remember doing anything of the sort. Dissociative identity disorder isn't the only form of trauma that can compartmentalize memories to different sections of the brain. This is often seen in parents who hit their children and then claim no memory of doing so. Their brains suppress the memory or the act is carried out by a part of them they aren't aware exists.

Man that’s a tough way to go. This guy needed help and sadly found release in the worse way possible.

He had to have known how horrible his death would be do. I'm considering suicide a number of times in my life but one of my biggest fears was dying very slowly in horrible pain.

Man I absolutely love the soundtrack you use for your videos, may I ask where you get them? They're awesome

The anguish a man must have gone through to reach the point where he would give himself one of the worst and most painful deaths possible. Tragic

Another great entry into the Half-Life Stories series. This one is particularly macabre given Crofut’s circumstances.

I’m so glad I’ve found another interesting story channel with a beautiful voiceover. Surprisingly hard to come by

I love watching and rewatching your half-life series. Any chance you’ll do the nuclear accident in San Antonio Texas in 1963?

Would love a half life history about the Japanese scientist Hisashi Ouchi case. The way he was treated after exposure is frightening

Eerie- my dad worked at these hospitals. Not at the time that Crowfut was there, but I'm very familiar with the history of the hospitals and local history in general and I have never heard of Mr. Crowfut before now. Excellent video!

Damn I didn’t even realise that was all by you until the end you did a great job with this definitely make more documentary style videos in the future:)

Excellent video! Very informative. I actually live in Okmulgee, Oklahoma and it's so weird to see a picture of the hospital that I've gone to for most of life! I never knew this happened here of all places, I would've thought at least one of my teachers would have told us students about this situation, glad I could learn more about my home state's history.