I work 911 dispatch... DO NOT HANG UP IF YOU POCKET DIAL US!!! If we get a hang-up or dead line call we have to, at the very least, call you back. If we can't reach you, but we were able to get coordinates/address for the call we have to send an officer to your house. HUGE waste of resources. Just wait til we pick up and say it was a pocket dial.

Alonzo thought he meant the sky would fall down but the man who commented meant the bullet 💀😂

Also, the last one, the mirror-less camera, yes. In old days, mirrors were typically backed by silver, which is reputedly harmful to vampires. Modern mirrors aren't silver backed, so theoretically, a vampire should be able to see his reflection. This means that any camera lacking a silver component should be able to capture their image. Don't ask why I know this, just shut up and keep being hilarious. I love you.

I feel like Kevin Hart and Alonzo would be good friends For obviously Reasons Because they are both funny males

"See-My" - Alonzo pronouncing semi 2018

Sometimes I think Alonzo is the one who needs a dictionary haha

How do you even mispronounce the word "semi" lmaooooo

Frozen holy water isn’t holy anymore because to make holy water.... You have to boil the HELL out of it😂😂👏👏👏🤦🏼‍♀️

When I was in high school my friend accidentally hit the 911 emergency call on her phone in the middle of class, dead silence, everyone just hears "911 what's your emergency" she about shit herself and the teacher was like "wow you wanted out of class that bad" 😂😂😂

2:56 fun fact, the bullet would fall back down and could indeed hurt someone.

The whisper actually gave me a weird sensation

I love how Alonzo roasts everyone...BUT he can’t pronounce semi. 🤣

About bread tasting like soap: yeah, that's mold baby. When you actually SEE mold, that bread has been moldy for a long time. What you see is the reproductive parts about to pop off those spores. All that dry powdery stuff? Well, just think reproduction. So, if you eat a piece of bread that tastes like soap, spit it out and toss the bread into your compost pile. It's a goner.

When i was a kid i dialed 911 at a waterpark from a payphone, i didnt think it would work because i didnt put any money in. I was on a school field trip and as we were leaving 2 firetrucks and multiple police cars were just arriving. Lesson learned, 911 is free on payphones.

Your dad sounds like Sugar Mama off of The Proud Family 😂😂😂

I mean my period feels like a waterfall is coming out from down there. TMI?

3:00 Bruh. He's talking about the bullet not the sky....

The way he pronounced “semi” triggered me 😭

6:55 “Hi, Welcome To Chili’s” anybody else though of that vine lol🤣

Him: Why is he so infatuated with the moon? Maybe he's Jack Frost

like i said ... feel free to answer these questions

"AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT". 7:27 - 7:30 That's Sweet Brown, when her apartment caught on fire. "I got bronchitis... Ain't nobody got time for that."

I laughed so hard when he didn’t know what a waifu pillow was

Alonzo: Does Google maps assume you will die ? Me: 😂😂😂😂😂

Alonzo not knowing what a waifu is is probably one of the funniest things ive witnessed all year.

At 5:15 you asked for an explanation so here you go😁. Oceans are salty because as rain water washes over rocks inland, it becomes slightly acidic with dosolved carbonic acid (carbon dioxide). When that water reaches the ocean, it erodes the rocks, releasing chemicals like chloride and sodium, i.e a salty taste.

“I donT know whY I rEAt thaT question liKe thaT.” 😂😂😂😂😂

Question: What happens if I inject orange juice into my veins? Me: you’ll turn into Donald Trump.

For 5:47 a waifu. Noun. (fandom slang) A fictional character from non-live-action visual media (typically an anime, manga, or video game) that one is attracted to and considers a significant other. Just google it

Aww damn I thought it was up already. Never mind. I love Alonzo's channel. Always makes me laugh!!

Many of these were questions I didn't know I had before

That moment you recognize writers asking questions "hypothetically of course" 😂😂😂

Alonzo did not disappoint!! I'm with him on the Starbucks thing ...but I dont like coffee so..I wouldn't see the appeal.

This was funny asf who agrees

“Am I 2D right now?” 😂😂🤦‍♀️

Did Alonzo really say “semi” like that??

“Salt in the ocean comes from rocks on land. The rain that falls on the land contains some dissolved carbon dioxide from the surrounding air. This causes the rainwater to be slightly acidic due to carbonic acid (which forms from carbon dioxide and water). As the rain erodes the rock, acids in the rainwater break down the rock. This process creates ions, or electrically charged atomic particles. These ions are carried away in runoff to streams and rivers and, ultimately, to the ocean. Many of the dissolved ions are used by organisms in the ocean and are removed from the water. Others are not used up and are left for long periods of time where their concentrations increase over time. Two of the most prevalant ions in seawater are chloride and sodium. Together, they make up over 90 percent of all dissolved ions in the ocean. Sodium and Chloride are 'salty.' The concentration of salt in seawater (salinity) is about 35 parts per thousand, on average. Stated in another way, about 3.5 percent of the weight of seawater comes from the dissolved salts. By some estimates, if the salt in the ocean could be removed and spread evenly over the Earth’s land surface it would form a layer more than 500 feet thick, about the height of a 40-story office building,” (National Ocean Services, June 25, 2018) Your hands get ashy in the cold because the blood vessels are closing up. This keeps the majority of your body’s blood and warmth in your core, allowing your organs to function properly. Your organs need that warmth. The air is often cold and dry, causing your skin to be stripped of it’s protective oils. That causes your skin to dry out.

for the middle eastern checkbox person, there’s an asian checkbox. the middle east is part of asia. “asian” doesn’t just mean like chinese, korean, japanese, etc.

I have heard (Seh-my) (Seh-me) But never (Sea-my)

13:31 They had to have been watching Futurama when typing that question🤣

Tickling used to be a torturing method😂😂

Ocean water is salt because of large deposits of salt on the ocean floor. just like that large deposits of salt in deserts they exist under water also especially considering that more land is under water than it is above water.

Whenever he says "I heard" I'm just like where are you getting this information😂😂😂😂😂

"Am I 2-dimensional right now?" They're infecting him.

Lobsters and crabs decompose quickly that’s why they are cooked alive and oceans are salty because of minerals that flow in from river deltas which contain high levels of sodium and other mineral salts

Is it bad that I only stare at his teeth and become fascinated with how white they are?

He jus held up 2 fingers and asked “am I 2d?”💀

I called the police once when I was a kid, and. When they replied i hung up 😂

How come I can sit on a couch/chair for HOURS ON TOP OF HOURS then stand up and be fine? But if I sit on a TOILET for 15 MINUTES then stand up I can't feel my legs anymore and can barely walk? And Lonzo.. Some people can have some booty problems that causes them to need more than 10 minutes on the toilet. 😒🤣💯

Waifu is a weeb term. Basically means wife.

Omg! For real, I got the ASMR tingles when you started whispering lol..

"does it feel a little like a bladder leak or something else" ummm something else😂💀

He can't pronounce "semi" right? He's done too many "dumbest fails" videos

I admit it. I am on the toilet for 20 minutes on my phone and my right leg falls asleep lol

he “heard” a lot of things this episode 😂💯

"2D is when you see the movies in it's regular settings. 3D means that it's right at you, giving you the in the movie experience. 4D movies gives you an increased feel that you're in the movie, by giving rain, wind and other effects that make you feel as though you're part of the environment.

Nice little trick😂👍🏼 we still love you Alonzo! Get a Dictionary!! 📖

Mountain View is ridiculously expensive. When my sister moved there, their rent on a 1000 sq foot house was 8x their mortgage on the 1700 sq foot house they'd owned in South Carolina before they moved. The house they lived in was built in the 1950s, not updated, and had the garage turned into a non-heated bonus room. You could stand between houses and touch both walls. It was valued at over 1 million dollars. They recently moved back to SC and bought a house that was less than 5 years old and more than twice the size of their rental in Mountain View for less than half of what their rental was valued at. Oh, and their neighborhood in Mountain View? Within six months of them moving out, someone purchased the burnt out SHELL of one of the houses for over a million dollars. So yeah, Mountain View IS that expensive.

“What's a Sea my serious answer ! “ I believe that that completely normal man was trying to say semi ( se me ) not semi ( see my ) .

I had my phone sitting next to me and it dialed 911 without touching it, so I panicked and hung up. They called me back and asked if it was an emergency, so luckily I didn’t have cops show up at my door 😩

I actually agree with the first lottery question!. Ive always said myself: If I ever win a huge amount of money in whatever lottery I don’t want any cameras or newspapers involved. And always wonder why (especialy here in The Netherlands) the cameracrews always film the signs with the streetnames and housenumbers and use the winners full names.. anyway, great video again Alonzo! 😄

The different colored arm question is actually a good one. I wanna know too

They did the giant ice cube in the ocean on Futurama once.

When he said “the boogie monster” I about died 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

A waifu is pronounced Wife-u. Its like...an anime girl wife.

When I was probably 5-6 years old I was down in Houston with my grandma visiting her side of the family. We ended up at the ER, I think with my great grandma but I can't remember all the details. Anyway, it was a small town hospital and I was getting so annoyed because no one was paying attention to me. (I was the only person under 50ish)... so I said I was going to go to the restroom and went to the pay phone.. . (kids won't know what that is... you put a quarter in it and called whoever you wanted, unless you were calling 911, then it was free)... so, I called 911 (FROM THE EMERGENCY ROOM!) The lady comes on the phone and asks what the emergency is and I tell her, that I'm bored and no one will pay attention to me. You could tell that she was trying not to laugh so she said, ma'am... this line is for emergencies only. I said, it is an emergency... that's why we are in the emergency room. But no one will play with me. Keep in mind this is a small town ER, and we are the only family even in the waiting room. So the lady tells me that 911 is not a number you call when you're bored or want attention because someone who is really needing help can't get through because I'm talking to her. So, I go back and sit with my family... no-one knows that I've called 911, they all think I've been in the bathroom and I just start playing with my doll and listening to what I thought was boring adult conversations... when an EMSA worker walks into the ER and says, we received a 911 call from a small girl and wanted to make sure everything was ok. I FROZE. Remember, we are the only family in the whole waiting room. My granny looks at me and says, did you call 911? I just started shaking my head no as quickly as I could... then I started crying and fessed up. Everyone in my family thought it was funny... except for my Granny... I got an ear full the whole ride home... to Oklahoma... from Houston, TX... needless to say, I never called 911 outside of an emergency situation again. But it's funny to think about 25 years later. (Just don't bring it up to Granny, she's still mad about it! LOL)

The ocean is salty because of all the dissolved minerals like Na (Sodium) and many others. Whales have only been in the ocean since the beginning of the Cenozoic Era, the ocean as long as its been around has been salty.

Absolutely love your videos!!! Keep up the great work!!! I always laugh watching you!!!

The fact that the "get a dictionary" guy constantly mispronounces common words amazes me. I think that's why I watch. Semi... FFS MAN!😜 *Edited to add "homicide." Sweet Jesus. *And "rotary."

I can safely say the reason the light is on the outside of the bathroom is so your siblings can turn it off and on while your taking a dump and giggle historically while your trying to find the toilet roll in the dark.

Even though I'm sick, your videos make me smile. You're the best.

I Literally watch this on the TV and u had to whisper like like 😭😭😭. I had shivers down my spine man

I like eating alone. It was a little awkward at first but I was hungry so halfway through I didn't care.

My stomach hurt and watching you and laughing makes it hurt more

7:41 i related to this so MUCH!!!! my grandma falls asleep then i’ll ask for her ipad or to watch TV and she’ll wake up in an instant and say “no! i’m using it! (her ipad) or “no! i’m watching this show” yet she was dead sleep. then she’ll watch a movie over and over again and don’t even know what it’s about!

Your asmr is really calming

Lmaoo Dumbest Fails is getting to you. The number of words you mispronounced lol

My Hairline Is Also On My Forearm

I love eating alone and I’m 27. There’s a lot of fun with watching people or just being alone in my thoughts.

Aw, love this....no Alonso scandal...just pure entertainment

I'm glad I'm not the only one that finds ASMR irritating. Something about teenage girls whispering and lip-smacking in my ear makes my skin crawl. Maybe if it was Chris Hemsworth or Ice Cube...

The food touching question, the answer is sometimes. It depends on the person. I HATE when my food touches, but I like certant types of sandwiches. Lol. So like I said, all depends on the person.

I love being alone at times. It gives me space to reflect and meditate 🙋🏻

I dont usually get tingles from ASMR but when Alonzo started whispering, I got tingles

Yeah, if you eat 5000 callories of anything but you only work off 2000 you will gain 3000 callories worth of weight, it doesn't matter what you eat honestly, the only reason fitness trainers tell you to lay off the junk food in the first place is to have better control over your diet, because telling you to eat less junk food when you don't count how many callories of junk food you eat, is just going to make their job harder. That being said you can still eat junk food and lose weight, but you have to count the callories.

I thought it was up so I set a timer and about to take a nap before it comes on

I was eating and Alonzo started whispering. Not only did I feel a tingling sensation, but I also dropped my salad bowl onto my lap.

I love all your videos when I watch them i can not breathed

9:15 Cows get fat because in their stomach they have bacteria that can digest cellulose, which is a polysaccharide in plants. Here, this is your biology lesson.

How do you not know how to pronounce semi?! 😂

Had to come back and watch again.. I was hypnotized by the ad.. It focused on meditation and relaxing of the body from toes to head.. I fell asleep when the narrator got to the "now feel your back muscles release, imaging you're sinking into your bed" ... 😪🤦🏽‍♀️

So we kinda need you to do some ASMR!! It did gave me tingles! 🙌🏻

Dude, live this channel, and love my aunt for introducing me to it. Love ya Alonzo! Laughter is the best medicine but it can't fix when ur chest hurts from laughing so much 😂😂😂

ASMR whispers give me anxiety. I like the nature sounds

I love how you explained a landline!

*_You’ve all heard of that one guy in the math problems, but now that one guy in the science problems asks..._* *1:07*

that little asmr he did was nice 😂

This video is just Alonzo asking stupid questions about stupid questions. lol

I can relate to your lobster experience! I cried when I cooked my first lobster!

I liked that ASMR and this is the 3rd video I watched of yours and I already subscribed! My husband is going to love you