Mike and Jay are philosophers more than anything else

That joke was so brutal it cut off this movie's arms, severed it's spine, and shoved it's second brain into its skull.

jay's intro flowed better, but mike's was funnier

Norm Macdonald resurrected

Mike "16 Bars" Stoklasa

Familignant

"It's about family, and that's what's so powerful about it."

@@talkinghoorse6936 Family.

Haha nice 😆

They will have to learn to work as a TEAM.

"I think about things." - Mike Stoklasa, late stage alcoholic

"The brain is important" Yeah, going to need a citation on that

He sort of achieved that. Although instead of the back shelf, it’s the bottom of the trash can

He almost got it .....

@@chazikstan so samurai cop?

​@@chazikstan this is objectively better than most videos you'd find at the rental store sir

Much much better then recent horror films.

I like how that was more true than we thought

What got me more was the he said ‘nesting’ and I almost laughed in the theater hearing that

Rent free!

When he said “nesting in her attic” I died.

Honestly the joke's on Gabriel... Over 30 and still lives in his sister's attic.

I had this same thought. Made me mentally giggle.

I haven't seen the movie yet but I pray it's just the cut audio from vader at the end of revenge of the sith. This is the first movie in a long time I'm really looking forward to

@@davidhudson893 I haven't seen Malignant, but when I read their comment, I also heard Darth Vader screaming 'NooOoOOOOOooOOo'

I was laughing too hard to hear it when they put his face into her skull.

oh god i didnt notice yhat

Olay, I rewatched that bit a billion times and I think the "no" is from the scene directly afterwards when Madison is screaming

be respectful....I can't imagine how many hot flashes she gets from her nonstop pregnancies

also I think is the same fan they had in that garage scene with the cops

@@javsandarts It looks like another smaller fan but that's still funny. This director's just putting smoke and giant fans in every scene to add "atmosphere."

Omfg true, what’s up with the huge industrial fan? 🤣🤣

I thought he might be living in her attic but I knew he had to be elsewhere because of the fan. That’ll show me.

Started off as a scene that would've improved the movie if it were serious, then ended as a scene that would've improved Malignant.

I'd love if there were a no budget KZfaq movie channel that exclusively filmed Mike's script ideas

"Mike ironically pitches scenes that are as choc-full of cliche as physically possible" more like

@@tinman3747 which is why the bit makes my sides hurt every time.

@@tinman3747 The Inside (from the video Mike Pitches a Horror Movie) is my all time favorite example. Then of course, uhh... boy in the walls. There's a boy in the waaaaalls!!

x)

Hahahahahahaha

Hey, Lyra, why are you pregnant, stupid?

My father actually said this while my mom was pregnant with my younger brother. Yes, we’re Texans, why do you ask?

Rumor has it that Mr. Plinkett said that to Jay, right before the Wonder Woman Half In The Bag episode.

Same. It feels like Wan could throw a curveball at any moment.

I hope he tries buddy cop movie next.

Why do all the guys sharing this sentiment look a like?

@@macheetah49 Thanks, I've always considered myself a bit of a pumpkin.

Not me. James Wan basically said, "hey, let's combine wacky martial arts choreography with violent horror", which in that case, I'd have rather watched a horror flick followed by a martial arts flick. He half-assed two things IMO. :-)

he had impeccable startup and form, it was crazy because I started rooting for the guy at that point

Read this as they played that clip and nearly spit out my drink laughing

Good Shit!

Yeah he was leaving anyway. Just had to add insult to injury which I can respect.

K O B E

I don't think Mike has ever held a piece of not crumpled paper. Ever.

@Area52 written on by a… “Penne”?

Gen-X vs Millenial.

Oh I'm using paper 'cause I'm a boomer

Jay has sucked so much youth from Mike there's a whole generational difference between them now

Mr. Boogy will live on forever

It reminds me of when he reviewed Sinister. He made fun of when the demon expert tells ethan hawke what the monster is over skype and mike says "you got a 'bughuul' problem."

The backwards monster in this movie kind of looked like Bughuul.

@@pianoandguitarlover2773 when i first watched sinister i always thought bughuul looked like a slipknot member

@@kevinsmoon3257 to be fair baghuul is spitting image of mick Thomson

came here to say this

But Cybershell you’re MY parasocial friend!

Can't wait for Olivia Munn to marry them both.

So true bestie

Where's the next god damn video

Reminded me of Freddy before he got too funny.

Ghostface from scream

JarJar

....if we get gabriel working...

I felt bad for him.

I feel so dumb, because I can tell there is a joke there, but have no idea what it is, please explain :(

@@rauvagol Spoilers for the movie/ review The villain of the movie (Gabriel) was a conjoined twin on the main character’s back, but he basically got surgically removed except his head and brain kinda (they share the same brain in a way?) so the main character is *literally* a human back

@@unlimitededge2689 yup, i feel dumb, ty

Tremendous line lol

I cracked up so hard when he said that. It was HILARIOUS!

maybe he should step up his pullout game

It's like doing a "Yo momma" joke on your brother.

@@EmperorSigismund Hey, that's a favorite passtime of my brother and I

"how many times do i have to watch my baby die inside of you?"

Will it eventually go bankrupt as well, leading to the people running it say, "We all knew how this was going to end"?

Change it to “It sounded good on the coffee-stained napkin” to reflect the amount of time they spend on the idea.

@@incognitomcde1360 why all the fawning over this one? Turned it off halfway. Wahlberg wasn't available to play a dumb cop? When I wanna kill the doctors I'll cal Duane andl Belial.

@@totallykoolyeah fellas. The AI needs work.

I'm taking this. This is mine now... Go away.

You take a wrong turn and you're just in Yharnam all of a sudden.

Gabriel is a Cthulhu !mythos, or a Batman D-lister?? XD

I felt strong Arkham City vibes throughout

I really enjoyed it and im a film snob. Its crazy this film is getting so much h8 when its really half decent.

As a lover of terrible 90s / naughties horror when the scene was dead, I felt seen. You can never guess intention, but reading the film I think it’s clearly a throwback to the conservative-underbellied, villain-driven, green/gray toned, action / substance heavy, plotless, gory mess that was horror 20 years prior. It’s placed at an interesting time as horror is never been bigger and feels like the genre might be bound for a wave of terrible rehashed schlock. I had fun, and am curious how people will look on this movie a few years out- I don’t think critics are totally clued into how much of the film lives as satire. I think it’s worth seeing if you’re ready for a lot of goofs

One guy in my theater completely lost it when Gabriel yeeted the chair across the room, lmao.

@@siitiatuinei2737 100% agree! I, for one, am looking forward to seeing Gabriel become the next iconic slasher with titles such as “Gabe takes Seattle”. For real tho I love the direction horror is going if this film is any indication 👏👏

This. I think it's 100% intentionally silly and "bad". We can say many things about James Wan, but we must always remember 2 things : 1) the guy knows and loves horror, in every movie he directed there are plenty of homages or easter eggs to other horror movies. 2) the guy isn't stupid. Pretty sure he saw "basket case" and maybe even its sequels. The discrepancies between the exterior and interior of the house, the strangely "fake" sets, the creepy hospital on the edge of a cliff..come on, that's saying " this is a cheesy horror, grab your popcorn and enjoy".

same

or at the very least done *Tenet* style..

It subverts expectations.

Search for Rory Scovel and Jon Dore on Conan if you wanna see a version of that

His devotion to calling spooky ghosties “Bagool” is an A1 bit

I love it so much. I’ve called every spooky movie demon Bagool since Sinister came out, myself.

@@itsd0nk *spoopy

Yes, very good little timmy. The 'also' joke is still funny the 1500th time.

RIP Norm MacDonald

Could not have said it better. Its so unconventional.

I saw this on a date without knowing anything about it. I had the same reaction.

@@benb1396 I'm guessing the date was successful if you guys saw this movie lol

@@vivvygipe9605 It was! we had a great time!

Because this movie is so bizzare but also fun to watch.

Loved it.

👌

On her backwards back

@@luiginastro8831 on her saddled belly

Omg that makes so much sense, she was on AGT as a contortionist. Super good too, I was pissed when she got voted out. Yeah I watch AGT sometimes don’t judge me.

At the end of filming each day, she probably had a splitting headache.

Geeeeentlemennn! I cracccckeed o o open mmmmy ooown skuuuuullll!

complaint

When you start thinking in terms of square footage, yeah, you're in your 40s now.

I couldn't agree more. I work in real estate and I am constantly in all kinds of different houses, and this drove me nuts during the movie. Especially since they showed the front of the house at least 7 times

we got RLM kpop references, but when RLM Babymetal reference

not since The Mummy!

@@kingtastytv classic episode. I still rewatch that one regularly

It's a fantastic time for a space slasher with the whole billionaire space race thing going on. So many cool ways to kill a Bezos up there.

Malignant 9: Gabriel Takes Manhattan

Malignant 10: Gabriel goes to Hell.

Gabriel's dead the final Malignant

Malignant 10: Gabriel is fuckin back again uh oh

I thought you were going to say that said trophy was use to perform surgery on the brain of said surgeon.

subtext

Dude, not only her patient survived that but also seemingly didn't developed any pathologies and even had a chance to live a sort of normal life. Who knew it was an xman demon or whatever Gabriel was. So credit goes where it is due

I wouldn't be surprised to find out most of a surgeon's job was just shoving stuff back into a body with their hands.

@@peytonmac1131 basically, cutting out stuff that shouldnt be there, putting stuff back where it's supposed to be, and making sure the patient doesn't bleed to death while you're doing it. Not much more to it

100% agreement

Still waiting for the Rich Evans' cut. #releasedickthebirthdayboycut

Yes, untill the punchline , Jay was in the lead, but cancer jokes are so fun.

Agreed

I think Jay still pinches it, brevity is the soul of wit 😉

K

It’s a very accurate statement that I never thought I’d hear about anything.

​@@JekyViews If anything the description he made is overly accurate. We are in the weirdest time-line.

It’s the best plot mechanic since Faust’s ‘getting raped so hard her uterus was destroyed’ back story thwarting the devil’s plan to create a spawn baby with the lead actress

The fact that this thing seems to have eyes, a full mouth of teeth, and vocal cords smushed against the back of her brain stem is amazing. She should be a vegetable.

the fact that her over-the-top abusive husband bounced her head off the wall to make it happen is even better

@@owen5640 All I could think about was the infection risk!

@@itsd0nk do you mean the movie the descent?

"But they have to buy it" got a good chuckle from me.

This is perfect

This was one of those "weird movies" for mainstream audiences who don't typically like weird movies. As someone who genuinely LOVES weird movies, I found it incredibly lame.

but there is, kind of... no cliff, but wWhats the cool old building on the hill on the south side of the lake overlooking the arboretum? You can seeit from just about anywhere in the city... Sort of up and across the freeway on the horizon? Shits cool looking and spooky. not THIS spooky, but I assume thats where they got the inspo.

@@insome776 It's a non-spooky medical castle. Or hospital, in the parlance of our times.

@@nobel11 I prefer non-spooky medical castle.

I feel that right there. Is exactly the feeling the movie wanted to give to people.

Maybe james wan wanted to make some kind of an ultimate crowd-pleasing experiemce

@@atlurk I wouldn’t be surprised if amidst all these really intense times. He just wanted to make a movie that could make people forget about it all.

When I first saw this movie I was super disappointed because I was half expecting The Conjuring, but now I absolutely love it. We know that James Wan obviously knows how to make a good modern movie, you can tell he made this super campy on purpose.

Malignant is the best time I've had at the movies in a loooong time (mostly thanks to covid), but holy shit what a bat-shit crazy movie! Will definitely be buying on blu-ray

That could be fun. He did remind me of The Twins with the deformed conjoined twin but he’s different enough cause it’s Gabriel can’t split from Maddison.

@@LonelyMarshtomp Exactly. The player could transform into Maddison and almost be disguised, and act as another player or something. Would be so awesome

@@jessefobare2549 yep Possible lawyer-free name? Ed Mandrake/ekardnaM XD

Hahaha I thought the exact same thing!

"Wow, Gabriel had a tough time going head to head with just one detective, it's probably going to be really hard for him to face a whole police force on his own." "Actually it's going to be super easy. Barely an inconvenience."

What the hack frauds missed is that Emily gets kicked in the head in the holding cell and that's what fully releases Gabe.

@@cloud20zero I’m gonna need you to get AAAAAAAAAALL the way off my back

@@tristan8940 "Okay, let me get off that thing"

I think at this point he is still sort of trying to not get caught. Or its bad screen writing.

Norm was such a treasure. RIP

Is the last thing you really want to be known for is, uh, losing. RIP Norm

I was not expecting this in the comments. My heart ...

"I didn't even know he was sick... " My all time favorite comedian, may he truly rest in peace.

Norm McDonald died?

...if your 9 years old.

Well I sure AF am.

creativity? uhu yeah sure......

He can make cool concept movies that a fun visually or massive studio garbage piles that please Chinese peasants and American peasants alike, but he can't direct a good performance or make a film about something the least bit meaningful that makes sense.

Your comment is how I found out. So sad!

I'll always have a metaphorical scar from his passing.

Damn, can't believe I found this out from a KZfaq comment. We lost a real one.

I hate that there's a joke begging to be told with the timing of this video relative to the news, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I want to laugh in Norm's memory so it stops hurting as much. But we lost someone I thought, easily had another decade in him at least. This pain is surreal.

Norm should've watched Malignant, it could've cured his cancer. Rest easy, you old chunk of coal.

I swear to God I thought that entire scene was going to be a fake movie like the opening to the Rocketeer. "Time to... CUT OUT THE CANCER!"

@@charlottecorday8494 at one point I said out loud, “ohh, they’re shooting a movie.”

so glad I’m not the only one that thought this lol, I was laughing so hard at that line

It's a Giallo pastiche(-ish?), sort of?

also the fact that Gabriel loves lasagna and HATES mondays

That's a glowing review for a film if I ever saw one.

Definitely has some old school giallo vibes.

I wonder if it was intentional.

People being bothered by Rick and Morty memes are people who are probably fans of the show, which is really embarrassing

It did 2d6 psychic damage

*unnecessary excessive burps intensify*

I'M PICKLE RIIIIIIICK

The only thing I could think of that would be similar would be Parasyte and even that's not close to it at all haha.

@@amped333 I was thinking about Another, the "scary" shots in the anime aren't as ambitious but the vibe is somewhat similar

Oh my god, you're exactly right. Holy shit.

I thought the same thing. It really had that kind of vibe especially the trapping Gabe in a mental jail. That's just straight up Naruto lmao.

Maybe it's part of the ghost stories cinematic universe, anybody see a black rabbit?

This made me laugh. Just hilarious.

I loved that connection they made. I totally forgot about backwards man. Every time I think of that movie I always think about the sausages, but there's a ton of great jokes in that movie. It's the funniest thing Tom Green ever did.

As soon as I saw the Gabriel character walk backwards, I played that song in my head. Lol

What about the Madness song when they show the houses ?

Pure gold.

Backwards man from Freddy Got Fingered

Quite certain it’s 1000% intentional. It’s camp!!!

Well, the best comedies are those that are played straight.

My friend spoiled the whole movie for me and it sounded absolutely idiotic, but after seeing some of the fight scenes I'm interested again. I'll probably end up watching and roasting it with some friends and beers.

I couldn't disagree more. I actually think Mike and Jay are being weirdly aloof. It's so obviously intentional. I loved it for that. I can't see where anyone would get the idea that this was somehow done by accident.

I think it’s intentional because the twist is so nuts that the movie being like a Drag Me to Hell type comedy-horror from the start would have made the likelihood of the twist a real possibility, so the movie almost has to play it straight as much as possible until the last half hour. It’s like the movie wants to be campy but can’t go full camp until it reveals all of its secrets. That’s partially why it’s inconsistent with its tone. I feel like the movie being way more of a dark comedy throughout would have made the movie more fun but the twist less impactful…

Just like Repligator was

I believe it was review brah, aka reportoftheweek

how bad was the fall?

@@Calmdownpaco Reviewbrah's so skinny he could fall threw a stormdrain hole. So that doesn't say much.

That reminds me of the Erfurt Latrine Disaster where in medieval times a whole Hoftag fell from the second floor through the ground floor into the cesspit and around 60 people drowned in feces.

@@CraigTalbert if you're asking me, I was fine. I was in the attic one moment, then suddenly on the floor in a pile of debris below. I was more shocked than hurt.

26:10 is proof XD

If I'm being honest I was surprised they had such difficulty figuring out if the director was in on the joke or not. I don't see how you watch the first 5 minutes of the film and not know it was going to be intentional schlock

@@Sean-yg9dw And that's why I hate that the opening is in the movie at all. Because the first 5 minutes ARE so clearly intentional and shlocky, it let's everyone feel like they have a big brain for noticing that. But it's everything AFTER the opening that is fascinatingly questionable. It's not cut and dry at all

@@Sean-yg9dw have you seen any of wan's other movies? every single one is unintentional shlock.... why would this one be any different?

Same energy

Something I never thought I'd hear said in all seriousness, this movie is amazing

I miss Cindy Campbell

i wish they were characters

I hate myself for reading the wikipedia entry before seeing it.

I wonder how many times I said "holy crap" during that movie. I just loved the absolute train wreck it was, with all that pace. It reminds me of X-Files, in that like that show, I had no idea what was going to happen next. I didn't even see the thing on the back of the head coming. I have to agree with Jay though, as you're watching it, you can't believe it was something they would release, other than it being quite cinematic. I'm not saying it being atypical for Hollywood is bad, and it got me to thinking about new horror movies much more seriously. I noticed since covid, horrors are actually better movies than they used to be, however, recently they seem to be more cookie cutter.

Same here! And I was also texting friends right after it saying, "Just watched Malignant... movie is hardcore batshit!" lol

That's the joke...I think...

The time loss is setting up some sort of loss-of-self situation for her in the sequel either by Gabriel or something else. That's why they needed to establish she was an actress too.

Yeah, this was the moment I realised the movie was in on the joke I think. There's not even a scene between her seeing the hospital in broad daylight and arriving there in the middle of the night, it's just so stupid it HAD to be on purpose... right?

I think its a parody of Halloween where Laurie and Linda are driving to the babysitters and yes its late evening but the sun is still setting. By the time they get there, its pitch dark. Then it turns out the babysitting houses are on the same block or whatever as the Myers house that Loomis was watching all night, which is only down the street from Lauries house, and Lindas house is also on the same street. That didn't make much sense either, but Halloween is so effective as a scary film that its easy to overlook all that.

Sure... but Beacon Hill isn't situated on the edge of a freaking cliff LOL

Makes for a tactically efficient Morgue

Wait, Beacon? The Evil Within?

@@badjujubes And it's more art deco than spooky gothic dracula castle.

Is it next to Emperor Palpatine surgical reconstruction center?

Who knew they only needed a prequel in Total Recall Cinematic Universe

I'm gonna predict. 1 evil rock and roll movie and 1 Donald Farmer(Shark Exorcist) movie and 1 other movie I don't know.

One can only hope!

Can't wait! 🤗🤗

Inverse ninja law?

69 likes confirmed XD

Voldo is John Wick from Tenet XD

@@bretsheeley4034 LITERALLY

Gabriel is so petty lol. All he had to do was to simply stab them but he was so dramatic and extra that he just had to throw a chair across the room.

After all it notices things you didn't

The brain is so dense, every single thought has so many things going on

LMFAO!!!

Lmfaooo

Rich Evans is a God among men, sir.

Someone write a horror script called Terrortoma. I want to but I never will.

A sexy terratoma

Almost low fruit but it works... 😂

But the out of dateness and uncertainly about lack of authenticity lends credence to the review, no?

funniest shit I've ever seen.

I had no clue that Mike even knew what Rick and Morty was. He seems to have trouble using a keyboard so this is very surprising.

Half in the Bag references Rick and Morty. I feel like I've come to the end of the internet.

🤣🤣🤣 right

A perfect score?!

Mike's was more cynical. And I love cynicism.

@@skaetur1we just need Vincent D'Onofrio (or James Earl Jones) on a Zoom call saying Pazuzu and then it will become the lexicon

"Don't hurt that spoopy!"