Happy for you brother. I was raised protestant. I am pursuing a practicing catholic woman and am doing my best to learn and work through all of this. I have never really been taught any of this. I feel like I have been misled about catholicism my entire life.

@@doc-t-8648 Good for you that you have an open heart and mind. Best wishes!

God bless!!

That can certainly happen though I think I would hold off on marriage until someone did change their mind on certain issues. Thankfully I’m already married and am now considering converting to Catholicism after my husband mentioned wanting to “revert” (both got married as Lutherans). It’s been interesting, though I’m not sure my values have really changed; I’ve just become much more convinced of their importance.

do you name (((certain people)))

Great list!

Most of those are deal breakers. Red flags are more of a hint that there is something bad and not the bad thing itself.

Try to find spiritual advisors you can lean on for perspective if this is the case

I suffer from anxiety, too. All I can say is don't give up. I did, and I regret it. Don't ever give up, and don't be afraid to talk about it to family and friends.

So much truth in this

Amen

@wishiwuzskying exactly what do you believe is the root cause of these problematic "personality traits"?

How to tell if someone is narcissistic ?

@@sarathomas8499 if you search in KZfaq that exact question, you will find many videos to help

Agreed; take the plank out of your own eye before removing the splinter in the other person's eye!

REPLY OF THE CENTURY. ✝️

Right I can call it out!

Especially communists. *badum tss*

It's good to see the red flags in you and the red flags of others. That's wisdom and integrity. So many people deny their flaws it's like they can't even see it or don't care.

At least he didn’t lie, that’s wild tho

​​@@stutterstudios4731Please help. I don't know how to deal with this. I'm a software engineer, video games developer, and I haven't been to mass for so long, talk less of confession. I've tried severally to do what's right, but if it's not work, it's tiredness (I desperately need rest)

It's difficult to stand by your values in today's dating climate, but you deserve a person who shares the same values.

Yes, sites like Catholic Match are NOT necessarily only featuring practicing Catholics and some are there because they are looking for easier targets... patient, kind, forgiving... that's a prime target for a user. Wise as foxes gentle as doves.

never assume and ask questions on first date and verify they are telling the truth for important matters

Absolutely.

Marrying a Catholic person is ideal, of course. But it's not a warranty that this person will keep the faith during the journey. I've known Catholics who lost their faith during the marriage, and gave bad examples to their children because of inconsistency. While there are people of good will, respectful to the faith of their spouse even if they don't have it, who are a beneficial presence as husband/wife and as parents; and maybe the faith of their spouse will drive them to God. Maybe He could have other plans, maybe he could tell the right person for us isn't necessarily Catholic. That's just my opinion by the way

@@dropoceanThere are also saints who were married but lost their spouses or their spouse was not of the the faith and were converted by them. God still took those plans and used them for good. Bottom line is that it’s just not going to work out if we leave God out of everything we do and ignore Him, especially relationships.

Another Catholic is ideal and most encouraged but as far as I know someone of another Christian denomination or marrying a Jew or Muslim is still permissible. It’s marrying a non believer that’s not allowed as far as I know.

​@@tigernotwoods914 No man. The Church absolutely forbade marrying a Protestant for hundreds of years, much less a heathen. 2 Corinthians 6:14 "Bear not the yoke with unbelievers. For what participation hath justice with injustice? Or what fellowship hath light with darkness?" If you "marry" a heathen, you are not even sacramentally married (Matrimony).

I was that way before God told me that I was projecting my fears of imperfection and fault finding onto them instead of working in myself first and my relationship with Him. Brutal to hear but needed. Now certain things like believers being equally yoked to each other in their faith in God and living a life reflecting that like St Paul tells us are non negotiable under any circumstance. That should not be overlooked. A woman wanting a guy to have 100k in income before he can date and marry her should be overlooked as long as he has the characteristics of an Ephesians 5 man understanding his role in the partnership as leader, provider, and protector.

Good point. We have to trust each other and if the red flags aren't that big of a deal, ya take the plunge into marriage. No one is perfect and as a couple we trust eachother and I included God in my marriage right from the beginning. It worked! Thank you dear God

I agree, don't look at someone's imperfection and let God take care of that Red flags for you. Your kindness and example can convert the hardest of hearts.

That's just setting up your marriage for failure and then divorce. Dating is about filter who's a good partner or not

@@jcravenclaw I think it's smart to use common sense, but I also believe in keeping things simple and being willing to take some risks while having faith. The Bible warns us not to put God to the test, but it also shows us that many people in the Bible took risks with their faith, and God helped them. So, we need to find the right balance between taking calculated risks with faith and being reckless. If we never take any risks in life, I believe it shows a lack of faith. Some people act as if God won't protect them, and they set themselves up for failure. Even if your marriage doesn't work out, as long as you've acted wisely, I would call it a challenge like any other challenge you may face in life, such as a car accident. But anything that may seem bad to us can ultimately be for our good in God's wisdom.

Dating right now is terrible. It's rough out there, but we have to stick to our values.

No it’s just hard to find a partner of virtue who understands that they aren’t perfect and neither are you. However they still choose to love you the way Jesus calls us to love each other anyway. Unrealistic standards do hinder people a lot in the modern culture dating scene. There’s always potential for a person to grow materially and work for it, but there is no potential for a person to grow spiritually if they don’t want to, especially when you are in a relationship with them.

@@Justyouraverageguy172 i agree with you but we must recognize that times are hard people need to search over the internet and travel long distance to find a spouse, something that was rare in previous generations cuz now most people don't care for God even Christians

@@romaslivagreed. But ultimately we must submit our lives to God, His will, and His leading. If God tells someone traveling overseas, using a dating app, or reconnect with an ex or person from our past means finding your spouse then we should obey if we want that blessing then.

@@phoebea add vax status to your values

I’m sorry this has been your experience. It definitely took me a little while to get acquainted with my autistic husband’s way of seeing the world when we first started dating. Sometimes I thought he was being callous, but he was just processing an emotional situation differently than most people would. Other times, we’d be out at a social engagement and he’d seem to be having fun, but he’d tell me later that he was masking and had actually felt terribly uncomfortable. He was a real puzzle for me, but I finally came to understand him (for the most part, at least). I’m so glad I took the time because he’s a wonderful man and an even better husband. I don’t know you, but I’m sure you’re lovely. Tonight when I’m saying my rosary, I’ll pray that you find someone who will love you in abundance and see your idiosyncrasies as endearing. You deserve no less. Have a wonderful day!

Hey❤ in the same boat here!!!! it’s hard. I hope you find your person!!!😊

Catholic women have no patience for anyone. Catholic women have no mercy on anyone. They all are looking for "Mister Perfect", despising a good amount of good guys.

@@KurtKobains I agree. I wouldn't have all 5 of my children...which is the blessing..

Same. But I have two kids now, and my clocks was expiring when I married the wrong person at 35.

Amen sister

I pray you heal soon.

“You will know them by their fruits. Good fruit cannot come from a bad tree just as bad fruit cannot come from a good tree” -Jesus in the Gospel

There's a scar from modern feminism on a lot of women today. I was swayed by the "you don't need a man"movement in my early 20s, but because I had a great, present father, I learned that what they were spouting weren't true.

Walking around in public with the Holy Rosary in your hand is an excellent screening tool for females.

left or right wing is something you can find out on a first date. dont forget you need to be unvaxed and find unvaxed to have healthy children nowadays.

@@phoebea I would've been somewhat willing to bargain with the first two reasons, because if I could get her to start going to mass more and actually take it seriously, the rest could follow. She has a good relationship with her dad, but is just very independent-minded. But not wanting children was pretty much the main dealbreaker at that point. 😔

Probably things like virtues.

@theresamarie6258, Thank you so much for the video request on Green Flags in Catholic dating. I have long looked out for this; yet to find any. I think it's important to focus on what is working, to know how to decifer of something is working, and to also know how to keep what is working. I video on Green Flags in Catholic Dating, I will really appreciate. God bless us all. Amen! ❤

Sounds like he's pretty solid. Get married to this guy. Your marriage spouse doesn't need to be 100% compatible in every category - just need compatibility in the big ones like faith, money, family, and political leanings.

Ture

Not a red flag.

Thanks for the support!

Really?

I think she means more “this person has potential if they would just change *XYZ incompatible/problem causing thing* about themselves down the road!” Everyone has flaws, but you should be dating someone for who they currently are, not who YOU hope they might become in the future that they aren’t currently

As hard as a pill this is to swallow, what we want is a reflection of who we are. If we just want someone to dominate and control (this goes for both men and women) then it’s not a marriage but a dictatorship to which even if someone singed up for it would not make you happy having to micromanage everything because it’s a life without God in it. It’s excellent that you are being proactive in searching for a man as well and vetting who comes across your way. I usually have trouble being proactive as a man because I am often tempted to give up on relationships as well after seeing so many women who don’t believe in God and are promiscuous. However, biblically speaking a man is to come purse you in a way unique to him, and you as a woman as to accept his pursuit and invite him in a way unique to you making him feel safe enough to open up and take on a relationship. This is reflective of the way Christ came to pursue the Church and Ephesians 5 is a great place to understand the marital relationship. Take some time to focus on your relationship with God and growing yourself spiritually since you have done a lot more than most people already in being proactive and looking for someone for so long. God may just be telling you to take time to pause and see where He is leading you in life and in your relationships since it’s so important to Him. He will guide you but we as humans aren’t always the best listeners to Him who always speaks to us in various ways beyond what we expect of Him.

This may not be an option for you, but you could consider moving. I am considering moving, mainly for that reason.

What does this have to do with the video?

You can also try to visit other parishes on occasion and meet people. I don't know if that is possible in the US but here in Africa it is definitely possible. All the best, i pray for you to get your match.

I'll pray for you! My wife and I met when we were adult helpers in my parish's youth group. Get involved in different ministries like Habitat for Humanity - probably more men involved in that than other ministries. See if there is a young adult group at a parish in your area. Does your church have a perpetual adoration chapel? Sign up as a guardian for 1 hour a week to spend time with our Lord and pray for a future spouse. Who knows, maybe you will even meet someone there! Also, as an unrelated general rule, make sure to smile often especially at men who you are attracted to. Men love it when women smile at them and it will instantly make you more attractive to many men. Even though I'm a married guy, I'm trying to remember to smile more at others because smiling kind of breaks down the barriers between people.

I’ll go after you

Third here

she got 3 so let the TV dating game begin

Hi! Maybe you should have a one to one session with each others values, pray first then, you can discuss openly. If it doesnt work out, that's a great way to say, you dodge a bullet? Or if he's willing to change his mindset, by praying more, I think that's a good start. What charismatic community are you in? :) -Gab from Ph!

@@gabriiielalias Thank you for your words, Gab! We're both Singles for Christ. :)

He's liberal. Move on.

@@alaric3056 Agreed, modernist fake catholic just like video host. Move on indeed.

I'm not Catholic (yet). But, if you're unable to get to Mass for whatever reason, I would recommend at least making an Act of Contrition and an Act of Spiritual Communion every day, as well as going over the Mass readings, which you can do even if you're not able to get to Mass. Then make a plan to return to Confession and Mass when you're able. Hope that helps.

The best place to rest is in God's house. Go to an adoration chapel for 15 minutes and just sit there with Jesus. You don't have to think about work or anything. You don't even have to try to talk with God. Just be there and rest. Going to Mass and confession will be natural next steps when you find value in spending time with the Lord and start to prioritize that time. St. Augustin says: "Our hearts are restless until they rest in you, O Lord."

It’s because the spirit of your flesh is at odds with the Holy Spirit leading you to grow. Prayer is the answer along with making efforts to go even if you don’t feel like it. It will become more important and natural after a while. Read the parable of the of the two sons in Matthew 21:28-32

One practical point is that there are some masses at odd times; e.g., early on Sunday afternoon. So, even if you are so tired that you sleep in on Sunday, you could still find a mass to go to.

Why don’t you just go to mass/confession? This seems like an easy fix

We men are quite simple. So if you meet a man you like, you could just tell him directly. Or if you feel like that would be too much, then smiling and giving him compliments are some good hints than you like him :)

@@KurtKobains With guys I know I told to them, trying to connect but I think I overtry? Idk For those I don't know, I don't do anything like what do I say? "Hey I don't know you but you're cute!" I overthink everything.

Be kind. I had a girl who's personality I fell in love with. Also, beware coming off as too attached at first. It can attract predators.

Many of them can

Just be confident and bold in your intentions. Dont let the woman doubt that she ever gave u a shot. If u wanna take her mc donalds for a first date, Double down and make it the best date she ever had aha. And as for if what she is saying applies to you, fundamentally no. Men and women are biologically and socially and financially different, they can afford to be picky and analyze the shit out of our manerisms and choices. Whereas men just have to be the best that we are capable of and hopefully find a sucker to atract for the Long run

Absolutely!

Uhhh...I think you mean immediate deal breaker 😂

Or Trek

I agree. 😊

The thing is, we are not God and marriage isn’t charity work.

Agreed. Nobody has arrived prior to marriage otherwise there's no point in marriage if you've already arrived lol... it's a Sacrament for a reason. Within the last few months I watched an Eastern Orthodox priest talk about this topic and he was saying modern day people are way too picky and selfish... he's dead on lol.

We can't change someone, especially when they don't want to try

@@jacobwoods6153 so ture.

yes, thats inappropriate

but why? @@SenorCinema

I don't think that's inappropriate, she's an adult, some people do not mind age gaps

I think you will get different answers from different people since this is a borderline situation. The age gap is pretty significant. My answer, not knowing anything beyond what you have told us, is that it depends. Yes she is young and 12 years is a big age gap even if y'all were much older, but legally she's an adult and if she is emotionally mature for her age that helps. You need to realize that you are "rocking the cradle" a bit here, and you should approach this carefully, but I don't consider it completely taboo. If y'all get married, one day you will be 54 when she is 42, and that doesn't sound unreasonable. Age gaps in couples become less of a deal the older one gets.

Unfortunately she was not in mass this sunday. But I have decide it to do it. One thing I didn't mention is that I have caught her glancing at me sometimes, which may be the reason I thought it would be ok, but then again I look younger than I actually am, and she could think the gap is maybe like half of what it actually is. So would it be a good idea to mention this as soon as I can? So in case she give me her number or something believing I'm younger, it does not becomes embarrasing or dissapointing later on to learn that I'm older @@malbowz1257

If your vocation is to marriage, then it is God's will for you to pursue a romantic relationship that will lead to marriage. I do think that praying for the right person for you is important. But, you can't rule someone out unless you date them.

@@phoebeahi again, firstly, let God decide if your vacation is to marriage or not. Secondly, don't assume that it's God's will for you to pursue a romantic relationship. If God wants you to marry a certain person even if you don't have romantic relationship with the person, then you should get married. It's is always better to do the will of God than ours. True Christians should always seek God's will instead their own will before dating anyone. Most of the people get trapped in the offer that Satan presents in their lives which is difficult to reject for worldly pleasures.

Marriage glorifies God and pleases Him. However God just does not all the time tell people up front who to marry or not. He leaves the choice to us but wants us to consult Him always and His Word. However I understand that if God makes it clear and tells someone to marry a particular person even if they don’t see how it’s possible or why then it’s better to do so and obey God than be in disobedience in which you are right about.

@@Justyouraverageguy172 not all marriages glorify God and pleases Him. The only marriages glorify and please Him are the marriages which is the will of God. The marriages done for the sake of lust, worldly pleasures, own will rather than God's, don't please God. If it's the will of God that you marry someone and not yours, then a true follower of Jesus Christ would marry him/her because it is the will of God. e.g St. Joseph the husband of blessed Mary. God does give us freedom of choice out of His divine nature. It's upto us whether we choose His will or ours. If we love Him we'll choose His will and if we love ourselves we will choose our will.

@@Theunspokentruth77exactly. You knew where I was going with this and communicated it better and to the fullest extent.

No. 2 years is nothing.

If you're called to marriage, I think it's important to not lose hope and to keep trying to find your person. Yes, the world is wounded and broken, but God is with us. The right relationship will happen in God's time, not ours. I'd rather wait to meet the right man naturally than not have a choice in who I marry, tbh.

@@phoebeaagreed as God does not force us to marry anyone or those we don’t want to because love is not selfish nor insist on its own way like St Paul tells us.

I both agree and disagree. Yes we who have received the calling for marriage shouldn’t put off preparing for marriage and ordering our lives towards God until our 30’s like modern society lies to us about. However, arranged marriage takes away our free will depriving us of the choice to freely give love to someone and receive love. There is a reason why God did not force Adam to accept Eve when he brought her to him. Adam freely chose and accepted her.

@@phoebea If God calls you to marriage, you follow through. When you say "God's timing", you are putting God to the test. That is not God's will for anyone. In the future, your choice will more likely be between WHETHER you marry and not WHO. You will have created this problem for yourself as the good men get married while you wait for "God's timing"

@@Justyouraverageguy172 I have to remember arranged marriage is often misunderstood thanks to movies. I would give an honest look into it. It actually gives women a lot more security and selectivity than dating does in reality. This was the norm until the 1940s

Run bro. She's already cheating

You are in danger, figure out what's going on because there IS probably something going on that is making her reconsider marrying you, but it's pretty safe to say she is losing interest in you. I can tell you that because I've been there. She might be scared to just tell you hey I'm not interested in you anymore but I'm afraid of losing the comfort of having a boyfriend until I've at least secured another man. Good luck

Be upfront with her, and see what she says and does

I agree with the other commenter who said to talk to her about it. It could be that at the beginning, she was more enamored by the idea of marriage in general than discerning your compatibility. And, now, your relationship is no longer just an idea but a journey together. Or, she could have lost interest in the relationship as someone else suggested. Either way, it's best to try to figure that out right away so you don't waste each other's time. I also know of women who become contrary or pick fights because they want their boyfriend to propose. We are complicated beings. Tbh, there are some women I can't understand.

That’s not normal as there’s a sprit at work that doesn’t seem like it’s from God in my view. There is no fear, powerlessness, and selfishness with the Spirit of God. Best thing to do is test her spirit and discern her motivations. Is she cheating? Is she Just idolizing the idea of a relationship and now afraid? Or is she just not prepared and trying to rush things by pressing you at the start? I suspect it’s a combination of the demonic enticing her give into fear to cheat, lie to you, and dominate the relationship, and the selfish desires of the flesh at work seeking the pleasure of the emotional thrill and seeing it’s wearing off.

Biological time clock lol funny when they hit 30 all of a sudden they're now giving men a chance. No thanks as a man now in his 30s I now have leverage that women had in their 20s and I'm going to use it.

I’ve found the complete opposite to be true, and my “gut instinct” turned out to be the Holy Spirit leading and guiding me to safety every step of the way, even if people said I was “illogical” or “over emotional.” It’s almost like God designed women to be different than men, and that’s not a bad thing.

Yeah, it’s all about discernment. I’ve struggled with anxiety at times (like gone to counseling for a time, not just stress etc…) and it takes experience and practice to learn to distinguish between “uneasy - something’s wrong” gut feelings, “it’s just relationship anxiety, stop worrying” gut feelings, and “hey this might be something to talk through, but don’t get to worked up about it” gut feelings. It can be complicated to discern, but gut feelings really can be useful! Just know yourself and your patterns, and don’t act rashly just because of a feeling. Emotions are data! Use them as such - make decisions while taking the data into account, don’t let your emotions de facto make the decision for you.

Men have a “gut feeling” that they follow as well. A lot. But nice attempt at sexism and labeling us emotional. That’s a classic

​@@juanis8219 I said "can be", not "always are" or in a necessarily bad way. Like it or not, there are differences between the sexes in how they process information or experiences. This is not "sexism", it's the truth. Interior discernment is just as important as discerning others whom you associate with. Discernment such as, "maybe this commenter on KZfaq isn't being sexist but just pointing out biological truths" and assuming positive intent, that may be a good place to start.

@@littledrummergirl_19 absolutely, that's exactly why I stressed "can be overly emotional". This isn't to say gut feelings have no purpose, it's just that some people drop things at the slightest adversity or differences of opinion. That's not a genuinely discerning mindset. But you're right to get a second opinion on how to process these things and I applaud you for that!

That's a red flag right there😅

Lol, ya never know - St. Joseph does a good job shapin' up a man @@karlheven8328