Relationship Scientist REVEALS 3 CLEAR SIGNS He'll CHEAT (Don’t Miss THIS RED FLAG!)

Relationship Scientist REVEALS 3 CLEAR SIGNS He'll CHEAT (Don’t Miss THIS RED FLAG!) | Macken Murphy

Рет қаралды 463,741

Күн бұрын

🔔 Subscribe for more great content: / lewishowes
▶️ Recommended for you: • Relationship Expert: "...
Today we welcome the inspiring Macken Murphy. Macken isn't just a behavior scientist; he's a master at decoding the little things we do and say that reveal a lot about our relationships and what we're really looking for in love and life. Whether you're single, dating, or just love understanding more about the people around you, Macken's insights are going to open your eyes to the complex world of human attraction.
Listen to this episode on the go!
🍎 Apple Podcasts: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...
🟢 Spotify: open.spotify.com/show/07GQhOZ...
For more info about this episode, go to lewishowes.com/1587
📙 get my NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLING book "The Greatness Mindset" today! lewishowes.com/gmyo
📤 sign up for my FREE newsletter lewishowes.com/greatnessdeliv...
Follow Lewis!
Instagram: / lewishowes
Tiktok: / lewis
Facebook: / lewishowes
Twitter: / lewishowes
💻 Website: lewishowes.com/
📲 For more Greatness text PODCAST to +1 (614) 350-3960
Get More Greatness!
Greatness Clips: / @greatnessclips
Spanish: / @lewishowesespanol
Portuguese: / @lewishowesportugues
Lewis Howes Shorts: / @lewishowesshorts
0:00 Intro
00:04:03 - Men Cheat More Than Women
00:07:48 - The Benefits and Reasons for Infidelity
00:11:33 - Motives for Women to Cheat
00:15:09 - Repercussions of Non-Monogamous Relationships
00:19:02 - Undermining Society with Unemployment and Disruptions
00:22:52 - Red Flags and Infidelity
00:26:30 - Body Count and Promiscuity Stigma
00:30:30 - Women's Perspectives on Sexuality and Jealousy
00:34:07 - Overcoming Jealousy in Relationships
00:38:07 - Eliminating Jealousy in Relationships
00:42:01 - Symptoms of Romantic Love and Relationship Survival After Infidelity
00:45:53 - The Mating Crisis and Risk Reduction
00:49:48 - Extra Pair Copulation in Socially Monogamous Species
00:53:26 - Understanding the Impact of Cheating on Relationships
00:57:09 - Attracting infidelity and bad pickers
01:00:50 - Understanding Narcissism and Improving Relationships
01:04:29 - The Power of Compliments in Relationships
01:08:08 - The Downside of Being Extremely Physically Attractive
01:12:05 - The Benefits and Costs of Dating Someone Above Your League
01:16:13 - The Experience of Eating an Apple
01:19:51 - Improving Relationships and Sexual Satisfaction
01:23:42 - Living in Accordance with Your Values
01:27:53 - Embracing and Trusting the Process
#greatness #inspiration #motivation

Пікірлер: 1 300

@lewishowes 4 ай бұрын

Thanks to Macken for sharing his expertise with us! Leave a “YES” if you enjoyed this and share the biggest moment for you. And make sure to subscribe to never miss out on inspiring content like this again KZfaq.com/lewishowes

@elizabethabbruzzese 4 ай бұрын

Thank you for this interview. As a single mom with two little ones I was just curious to know if you could please set up an interview for single moms and how they can go about finding a future husband. How to navigate through the dating life to find a husband. What qualities to look for and any other information that would be useful.

@OnyejinakaChisom 4 ай бұрын

I love your vast knowledge ❤ thank you sir for this

@lewishowes 4 ай бұрын

So glad you enjoy the channel! Thanks for being here!

@FoxcHoney 4 ай бұрын

🎉YES!!❤😊

@FoxcHoney 4 ай бұрын

The biggest moment for me was when the subject of trauma from betrayal came up.

@MayaChadalavada-nz7qg 3 ай бұрын

I did not cheat on my ex who cheated on me. Instead I filed for divorce and he was surprised 🤣. Bye bye ! Now he can cheat freely.... It has been the best decision of my life to divorce him.

@valeriajakab8112 3 ай бұрын

I did the same.

@EmilceMaldonadoPaul 3 ай бұрын

I did the same.....freedom

@lucid_747 2 ай бұрын

You took the High Road 🙌🏼

@Portia620 2 ай бұрын

😂😂 YES! Set them free!!! 😂😂

@Portia620 2 ай бұрын

Mine filed for divorce when I was sick and forgave the cheating so I’m firm believe that cheating is always a deal breaker now!!!

@simoneelhallak4433 3 ай бұрын

“Don’t expect loyalty when you don’t offer honesty “

@bookofbrah 2 ай бұрын

That hits hard!

@snblee 2 ай бұрын

“If this person doesn’t want to be with me than what’s the point…”

@snblee 2 ай бұрын

“If this person doesn’t want to be with me than what’s the point…” “It would be the greatest gift to let me go if you don’t want to be with me.”

@snblee 2 ай бұрын

I’m at 30yrs, finally leaving a repeat cheater. 😢

@lewishowes 2 ай бұрын

So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.

@TheKandidKate 3 ай бұрын

I asked a very beautiful woman what it was like to be so beautiful. She said it was lonely because people were afraid to approach her to talk with her.

@heide-raquelfuss5580 3 ай бұрын

At the same time...she does not get harrased so much, like other women experience. It saves her horrible stress, abuse...

@dot510 3 ай бұрын

@@heide-raquelfuss5580 But you also get dismissed a lot, passive agression etc. I get you though

@colettejaques2559 3 ай бұрын

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.................

@akrossmann1631 3 ай бұрын

What is really a challenge is being beautiful. tall, and smart! Just love life, it is purely a miracle you are alive!

@Lightenupwithlaura 3 ай бұрын

Can relate… :/

@JanetMacCallum 3 ай бұрын

I'm pretty sure I had PTSD (or PISD) form a major betrayal from a significant other. As much as I have sought therapy and tried to get over my trust issues it has impacted me long term. People need to think twice about leading a double life and betraying their partners.

@JanetMacCallum 2 ай бұрын

@elizabeetle13 that's a shame it happened to you so young :(

@amadeagottlieb 2 ай бұрын

@elizabeetle13 Never say never!

@Portia620 2 ай бұрын

I was PISD too but now laughing! big Big Mistake!

@Portia620 2 ай бұрын

They don’t care if they destroy our lives they just move on remarrying and screw around on that one too🤦‍♀️

@amadeagottlieb 2 ай бұрын

@elizabeetle13 Ok ❤️

@monaissakarim7569 4 ай бұрын

What i really really appreciate that the speaker is fair and says it when he its not his area of expertise. He doesnt pretend that he "knows" everything and has the answer's to everything.

@murphymacken 4 ай бұрын

Thank you :)

@karolinaks4192 4 ай бұрын

Yes. It’s refreshing that an academic on a popular podcast acknowledges what is not his area of expertise . It makes him much more more credible.

@1764s1985 4 ай бұрын

@@murphymacken😢😢

@andreavanda5402 4 ай бұрын

But there's way too much that he's not an "expert" in. I mean, these questions are all related to his area of study. Maybe he should familiarize himself with more.

@melgm002 3 ай бұрын

Why not get someone who is an expert then

@murphymacken 4 ай бұрын

Thank you so much for having me on Lewis! I really enjoyed the conversation.

@deeandleaann 4 ай бұрын

Your insight and research are amazing and helpful. Thank you for helping me understand human behavior better. 😊

@patrick.h11t 4 ай бұрын

Thank you for the information you've shared. Im looking forward to seeing more interviews of you.

@melindacollins3483 4 ай бұрын

I like how you gave more insight to the stress that is caused after being cheated on it makes so much more sense to call it post infidelity stress disorder and it has been so hard to date and fully trust someone new after being cheated on

@liznewark 4 ай бұрын

Thank you for pointing out that in order to discuss a topic you need to do substantial (over a year) of academic research

@elsbells. 4 ай бұрын

Well done Macken. Very interesting as always.

@a.d.2206 3 ай бұрын

This man is the perfect mix of confidence and humility

@lewishowes 3 ай бұрын

So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.

@brandismith676 Ай бұрын

Good looking too

@MarieCherilien Ай бұрын

I love him

@lori-annefay4138 3 ай бұрын

I think "cheating" often comes down to opportunity. Men expect free time at the end of a workday or week. Women with kids and a home to look after simply do not have the same time or energy.

@draandreadiaz6055 4 ай бұрын

He’s EXTREMELY careful with his opinions. LOVE IT ❤

@murphymacken 4 ай бұрын

I'm glad!!

@gigi9301 4 ай бұрын

Wishy Washy Click Bait Blah

@kyliejackson-bell810 4 ай бұрын

Give him 10 years and he’ll say it how it is 😂 beautiful soul though

@tuchus8781 4 ай бұрын

So many woke ready to attack. He's smart

@mezlandia 4 ай бұрын

@@gigi9301life isn’t a sure thing

@stampandscrap7494 3 ай бұрын

People arn't attraced to narcissism. They are attracted to people who appear confident. Unfortunatly narcisists look very confident.

@szszszsz95395 2 ай бұрын

Only on the surface. Look deeper.

@Lemur2008 2 ай бұрын

Yet they are the most insecure, jealous, and paranoid people ever.

@echase416 Ай бұрын

eg superficial charm

@christinaharrison3018 Ай бұрын

@@Lemur2008 thats not always true because not all narc's care about jealousy for instance. If your narc is a sexually needy person he might try harder to get you to open your relationship to outsiders so he has more sources of ego boost. He may not care who you sleep with as long as you are feeding his ego about his ability in bed and his smarts for instance and taking care of his house or him etc because he really doesn't think about your needs at all he's just happy he gets fed and you do what he says at home. but he will be for sure to use it against you if you start failing at feeding his ego...My husband is not only a narc diagnosed he also understands empathy intellectually he just doesn't subscribe to it and he's also an introvert so he likes his alone/gaming/porn time...he is vicious with the twisting memories etc and can occasionally be explosive but for the most part he usually ignores you. And he always keeps an online in case of emergency fall back option. He will actually just walk to get a reaction out of you because he isnt attached to you personally just the benefits you bring him.

@porschajohnson1890 3 ай бұрын

Interviewer Question: Why not just break up before cheating? Interviewee's Response: "Why would you quit your job before securing another one?" That was such a good parallel! It's called Mate Switching. I don't agree with anyone cheating, but the response sure does put things into perspective for those of us who have asked the why not just break up question!

@healthadvisor464 2 ай бұрын

When someone "secures" the next person before leaving the relationshiT, you are dealing with a narcissist. Primarily a covert. The worst, and most deceitful type of thing to have a connection with.

@chrissemenko628 2 ай бұрын

@@healthadvisor464Keeping a backup goalie

@junejourney1051 2 ай бұрын

Well you are dealing with a soul heart and mind which your job doesn’t have any of this!! Finding another person while you are in relationship is completely different thing than job… this means you are seeing human as objects nothing more!

@simoneelhallak4433 2 ай бұрын

I learned in psychology that men generally are inclined to appreciate novelty “things that are new”; as opposed to women: the data suggests that women are attracted to partners who provide them with feelings of security.

@Erica-cf1xb Ай бұрын

Nobody wants single. Same with jobs. If you have been unemployed for a long time...you would be seen as being defective. Not valuable. But if you have a job, and actively searching while one foot is in...then the idea of stealing you from a competitor is ideal. You will have the secrets. It's a weird dynamic.

@SummerSnow716 3 ай бұрын

Jealousy is not totally about insecurity; it is about the trust and communication created between the partners. If your partner doesn't help provide psychological safety, then jealousy is more pronounced. Prolonged jealousy tells you that something is wrong.

@lewishowes 3 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing your thoughts!! 🧡

@camillemanly3800 3 ай бұрын

THIS. If there’s communication and both let it be known they love and desire their partner, then there won’t be jealousy.

@jesssc402 3 ай бұрын

Lack of those things creates insecurity though

@sophine7189 3 ай бұрын

@jesssc402 EXACTLY! For the life of me I don't understand why people can't see or understand it goes right back to insecurities. Whenever you feel insecure in your relationship because of a lack of trust and communication, it causes you to feel insecure about yourself and your decision of being in this stagnant relationship. It's quite simple to understand. I'm starting to believe the problem is that people don't understand what insecure means.

@DeniseDawson-dl9wc 3 ай бұрын

How true

@Jenergy84 4 ай бұрын

Ok I listened so you guys can know... 1. Family History 2. Sexual inclinations ( whether you care if your in love or not with your partner you sleep with) 3. Body Count/ verse Age

@elisachang7393 4 ай бұрын

Where does he list the three?

@Smartartin 4 ай бұрын

Doesn’t, I had a struggle trying to sum up what was said..

@marinalovric2700 4 ай бұрын

How age has influence?

@cinderling5472 4 ай бұрын

@@dianevadino Oh :/ Thank you very much for your effort ❤

@mariabatubara6494 4 ай бұрын

Thanks! ❤❤❤

@etaokha4164 3 ай бұрын

He cheated on me at 6 months pregnant and cheated on me again on my birthday which was the final discard. Their Egos constantly need that Fix and when they dont get it, they go somewhere else. Period!

@di_decaire 2 ай бұрын

They seem to be awful when you deserve more happiness.

@senyakome 2 ай бұрын

I hope you are going well! Sending you and your baby a virtual hug. 🤍

@sharoncranwell3830 29 күн бұрын

He is not a good person. God will put you back together in front of the person who broke you❤ I hope you're doing well and are blessed many times over with a better man

@rosebooth9263 4 ай бұрын

What an impressive gentleman. As a 28 year old, witnessing the level of maturity and humbleness that he possesses was refreshing. In my opinion, the smartest person in the room tends to be the person who acknowledges that they do not know everything. Excellent podcast all around. Great job Macken & Lewis!

@lewishowes 4 ай бұрын

🙌

@jinhub2175 3 ай бұрын

Exactly

@suzanneemerson2625 3 ай бұрын

But what’s up with the hair hat? Hmmmm…..

@lindan8729 2 ай бұрын

@Rose: In my opinion, he’s too young to know what he’s talking about and therefore said nothing concrete.

@stariadreamtea 3 ай бұрын

Watched the entire thing. He's so engrossing and his voice + body language is hypnotic. He's quite humble and mature. Wonderful.

@user-vi3re9wr3o 4 ай бұрын

To sin or not to sin… so many people have killed their conscience

@ladyvirgo9514 3 ай бұрын

💯

@TonganJedi 3 ай бұрын

Sin is a religious concept that not everyone buys into. I certainly don't.

@ladyvirgo9514 3 ай бұрын

@TonganJedi "Sin" is to error. We all do that but I agree on the Religions twisting it.

@ImKar333 3 ай бұрын

@@TonganJediWell, we all usually know what we are about to do is wrong or right, right? You don't have to believe in sin, to be a decent human being. You just have to be humane.

@melissamilam-hw9dt 3 ай бұрын

The idea of Sin is a fantasy. You're just an animal.

@ObsidianGrp 3 ай бұрын

Never get into a relationship with someone that is insecure - this goes for in business relationships as well

@pabowieful Ай бұрын

Yes, yes & yes seconded. They wont know how to handle your security.

@shazzari 8 күн бұрын

Very true. They will make you miserable

@AniaBumba 4 ай бұрын

What an emotionally mature young man! Very admirable.

@lewishowes 4 ай бұрын

👍

@sabinekoch3448 4 ай бұрын

Real scientific thinking- no “woke” nonsense.

@99balloons71 3 ай бұрын

From what I've seen, A male having an affair is as common as weeds.

@faithrobin6124 3 ай бұрын

@@99balloons71what do you mean?

@DjMicr0dot 3 ай бұрын

@@99balloons71 dear Lord where do you live lol I've never met a young man like that in Austin Texas anywhere so please explain

@sudenims5235 Ай бұрын

Have never cheated. When I was younger in an abusive relationship I was tempted but didn’t do anything about it. I have a very strong belief in being as honest as possible with people and myself. Truth sets us free.

@SanctuaryGoodLife 4 ай бұрын

I wish being a good parent and Uncle, Aunt, Cousin, sibling, friend, and Neighbor were still important for status in Western culture.

@janedoe1498 3 ай бұрын

Sociologically and psychologically (the fruit) development of the human nature moved the western concept which is good and bad yet harder but was meant... sadly

@celestialstar8115 3 ай бұрын

This doesn’t happen in east either. Hasn’t happened in centuries

@Southernly 3 ай бұрын

Me too 😞

@pammeadows1311 Ай бұрын

I nite he never mentions cultur or religion

@MaxsMom-bv6hf 4 ай бұрын

Cheating is a stroke for the ego. Nothing more, nothing less!

@SM-qb7ce 4 ай бұрын

@MaxsMom-bv6hf YESSS I AGREE!!! 💯%

@bonezbaaaby 4 ай бұрын

BUT, it helps to know the potential underlying biological temptations so we can become aware and avoid them

@snowbird6855 3 ай бұрын

So that's another way of saying it's done by those lacking self esteem? I'm guessing yes.

@sherralieberry-majeski5972 3 ай бұрын

For men.

@sherriflemming3218 3 ай бұрын

I've Scanned 250,000 Brains This Is Really How Men Think and Lisa Biyeu podcast Accurate study. ( Testosterone- impulse control) Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix IMAGO Are You The One For Me? by Barbara DeAngelis Safe People by Henry Cloud The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker

@cece9770 4 ай бұрын

Being more physically attractive means fewer people have any real desire to understand you as a person. There are LOTS of disadvantages actually. Especially amongst women, there tends to be more jealousy and envy leading to unwarranted hurtful behavior, ostracizing, bullying… Being more physically attractive means that you end up attracting more shallow people, which results in fewer meaningful relationships, which leads to more loneliness and depression. Men (and women) tend to assume that a beautiful person is not going to be loyal or faithful BECAUSE they assume you can’t be happy with your meal and want to sample the entire menu. Being beautiful means you are targeted more as an object to be conquered, and so we tend to be on the receiving end of more lies and deception because we’re viewed as merely a prize to be won. Beauty is and always will be a curse as far as I’m concerned. Oh and the backlash I assume is coming for first insinuating that I might believe myself to be beautiful, and then having the gall to speak negatively about the perceived advantage. How dare I? People will say it’s all for attention. The reality is that I’m lonely and depressed because no one has ever loved me for my personality. If I had a nickel for the number of times I’ve had someone tell me that they aren’t in love with me, but in love with the IDEA of being with me…

@aubz81 4 ай бұрын

I too would have a pile of nickels. I agree, men love the IDEA of being with me, but once they get to know me... they're out. I'm 'too real', apparently. Whatever, I'll be too real and enjoy my life! (And those proverbial nickels!)

@franklydarling....7244 4 ай бұрын

Counting even your assumptions that a person would say this to you because a majority of people DO NOT speak this way....... If you had a nickel for each time a person told you they were "in love with the idea of being with you," you would certainly have less than $20. $20 would equate to 400 people...... Let's get real.

@cece9770 4 ай бұрын

@@aubz81 yep! I suspect it’s because they tend to put us on pedestals. An ideal they’ve built in their minds, and then when they realize we’re just regular people they are disappointed.

@cece9770 4 ай бұрын

@@franklydarling....7244 lol it’s an expression. 🙄

@franklydarling....7244 4 ай бұрын

@@cece9770 I was trying to be kind. After reading your "thesis" about how hard it is for you to be so attractive and viewing your profile picture, there are so many things I could make commentary on....but I digress. My entire point would be: "Get real." As in actual reality. Ma'am, you're average at best. And that is no insult. With all sincerity, I would consider it a blessing. ❤️🤗

@mlreed8929 3 ай бұрын

I know a guy who is polyamorous. He loves having relationships with several women, and he admitted he loves "a good catfight!" So he likes it when women are fighting over him, trying to compete for him. He likes seeing the jealousy. And he was full of secrets. He kept so much of himself private, so you would never get 100% of him. That was a huge red flag to me. I feel our society today has learned all this, and that is why monogamy is much better... people are loyal to one another, you share more of yourself with each other, and there is trust. Trust is the foundation of a good relationship. This builds true love and happiness. Sneaking around behind someone's back and lying to them leads to a lack of trust and, therefore, a lack of beautiful happiness. I feel that there are great blessings for those who are in a loyal, committed relationship. I'm reminded of one of the 10 Commandments - Thou shalt not commit adultery.

@tlafleur8433 3 ай бұрын

These people here and so many like them do not even consider the 10 commandments.

@tealkerberus748 3 ай бұрын

That's not polyamory, that's a mess. Real polyamory means communication, respect, consent, and supporting each other - not creating jealousy and conflicts.

@tealkerberus748 3 ай бұрын

@@tlafleur8433 The ten commandments were written for a community where every man who could afford to support a second wife was expected to have one. It's not adultery to have sex with your spouse, no matter how many spouses the law allows you to have.

@Oreo-qn3lk 3 ай бұрын

Sounds like the guy you were talking about was grandiose narcissist. ❤️💜

@JillBausch 3 ай бұрын

That man is most likely a narcissist. Run away fast. They are dangerous, with the mentality of a cruel child.

@BunnyRabit-yo3lx 3 ай бұрын

Jealousy is a natural negative emotion and I believe, like anxiety, is a type of evolutionary warning signal to the body. It's only toxic if it goes unchecked.

@veronicaannsmith3619 2 ай бұрын

Agreed!

@malaykaayyaz696 2 ай бұрын

I like that he's not sounding like an EXPERT but as a scientist.

@colormecrazywithkim5837 4 ай бұрын

I agree about jealousy.....it's natural. If there is excessive jealousy, there is a reason why. You've had bad experiences in the past, or the person may be trying to get you jealous. My personal feelings.

@artandscience1 3 ай бұрын

Often there's no reason why, except a man's territorialism.

@andreiadetavora8471 4 ай бұрын

I'm a clinical psychologist (from Portugal). What a fascinating topic!! Great guest. Bright, intellectually honest and eloquent.

@lewishowes 4 ай бұрын

So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.

@alejandradaly9456 2 ай бұрын

"I'm not committed emotionally to any ideas .." Crucial !

@jacqueinebuss5514 3 ай бұрын

A little jealousy is something I think you have no matter what when you care about the other person.

@Zazezoo 2 ай бұрын

Men also naturally have that protected jealousy. It’s only when it’s excessive that’s when it becomes concerning and unhealthy!

@hhlagen 2 ай бұрын

Sooner or later the price is paid for infidelity. A person may not see it coming but it does and when it happens the consequences are indescribabley painful.

@SoRight8 14 күн бұрын

How so? Cheaters seem to be pretty happy.

@kyliejackson-bell810 4 ай бұрын

I truly think it’s a combination of age and pain… thank you for sharing. I used to feel intense jealousy (for good reason, not all the time) but if I’d walked away I would’ve saved myself myself from heartbreak. I don’t regret it, but it’s hard to not wonder how different life would have been. My second relationship, he cheated it hurt but I was okay, honestly he did me a favour, unfortunately he was also horrible and scary and it did take me several years to safely get away but now I have built a wonderful life that I love. I have a great relationship and I’ve found the love of my life, I’ve allowed myself to be loved which is truly amazing. At 41 I think the key to my happiness is not being dependent. I would be heartbroken if my man cheated but I would be okay… there is power and freedom in that, I’ve never felt that way

@miss_whipps 3 ай бұрын

You're inspiring. I just experienced the heartbreak of being cheated on for the first time, and it was within a VERY codependent relationship. I can see how the impact would have been different (no less painful, but less devastating and injurious to my self esteem) if I had been more self sufficient, financially, emotionally, socially, etc. I hope to securely establish myself and become more whole before I consider a new relationship. Happy for you, I respect and admire your insight!❤

@AlexiaSummerPrather-xr4tm 2 ай бұрын

1o@@miss_whipps

@tomigirl30 4 ай бұрын

11:06 this was me. After catching my partner cheat on me 3 times the last one lasting for 2.5 years I cheated. I planned it and it was a way for me to take some control back. I then worked on financially separating our house, got plans in order then ended things. Took me over a year, but never looked back.

@rhodagunn5075 3 ай бұрын

Me too. When I was 24 and lived with my partner I came home and caught him in bed with someone else. It broke me. Not out of revenge, but out of desperation to try and somehow reser the balance, and like you said take control back- I thought maybe if I did it too it might be something I could then accept and move on from that he broke my trust and heart. Of course it did not work, and nothing felt repaired or better afterwards. Seems obvious now it wouldn't have, but young love and young heartbreak you're just grasping at straws sometimes. I've never cheated since and I know I won't again. Doing it back can never repair the betrayal or bring any kind of closer or healing. Just prolongs the pain I think.

@junejourney1051 2 ай бұрын

Doing same sin only you end up losing respect for yourself… don’t let their behaviors change who you are

@_jules86 4 ай бұрын

Macken Murphy.. keep doing what you’re doing. What a fascinating human!

@lewishowes 4 ай бұрын

🙌

@donnaknudson7296 4 ай бұрын

What really is disappointing and perplexing is that one of the most spiritually and important things in life- love- depends so much on shallow things, like physical attractiveness and status. It makes no sense and I guess it's just one of the maddening things about this world. What he says about attractiveness and how people perceive and value you depends so much on that is true. I know because I have experienced both worlds. I'm a middle aged woman who used to be pretty. The thing is that I didn't even know I was pretty and frankly didn't care. But when I became middle aged I noticed major differences in the way I was regarded and perceived. This whole time when I was younger I just thought people were the way they were because they really liked who I was as a person. But I found that is not so and finding that out cuts deep.

@andreavanda5402 4 ай бұрын

Ditto! It's quite shocking to realize at an older age how superficial most people are.

@donventura2116 3 ай бұрын

Love is often shallow because at worst we are just animals and at best we may have the excuse that we are imperfect beings that can not observe our own divine nature and respect others for who they are and not what we see.

@user-yq4xm2cd7b 3 ай бұрын

Yep I gave almost the same reply to someone else before this. I was hot & sexy & didn't know it, & they say I was beautiful, I didn't know it. They just wanted what they could get.

@coolbreeze5683 3 ай бұрын

Everyone inevitably figures this out at some point in their lives and the ones who do the judging are eventually the ones who will be judged (that includes their own self-judgement). That's how karma works in life. I've never been beautiful or sought after so I've always seen the true nature of society. I'm in my late 40s and I'm happier now than I was when I was younger. I don't really care about people's opinions of me and I'm used to cultivating joy within myself. I have good, authentic close friends and family. I just go about my day with gratitude for what I have and leave other people to their own since their karma is none of my business

@mizum3458 3 ай бұрын

@@donventura2116I dont really understand what you said, but I easily often find a lot of things to admire about almost everyone I've met even if they're unattractive to me. Even some feminists.... Because some of them have some bits of good somewhere inside of them, like understanding how to use devices and software's I can't even grasp the knowledge of although most of them can be annoying when they get all political and overly social justice on a lot of things double standard

@dr.florence 4 ай бұрын

I loved this! As a fellow researcher, though in the humanities, I LOVES him citing studies and his general honesty , carefulness and humility. Soooo different from those self-styled arrogant coaches on healing podcasts like this.

@murphymacken 4 ай бұрын

Thank you for the kind words

@bethb.6813 4 ай бұрын

Yes. I am divorced and haven't dated for a quarter century, but am thinking about trying again. I appreciate the insights that Dr. Machen Murphy shared from the data and that he was humble in sharing this information, properly limiting it to what he knew from his data or saying where else the information came from. Despite his youth, we can all learn a thing or two about both science and character from Dr. Machen Murphy.

@nvk743 3 ай бұрын

“The data couldn’t be further from my heart” damn mans got his life in order

@TheTialalande 4 ай бұрын

The piece on creating an environment that would make somebody want to be around and not feel like They're in a cage. I totally get that. It takes a lot of self-reflection to really get there.

@murphymacken 4 ай бұрын

100%

@B3ck05 2 ай бұрын

You can get ptsd from non physical trauma such as emotional abuse. Other than that, fantastic interview.

@Priyanka_Bagh 4 ай бұрын

Can’t get over how well you communicate Macken!

@Portia620 2 ай бұрын

Trying to find the Mate is not an issue the real problem is finding someone that wants to stay no matter how hard things get

@tracymullane8818 3 ай бұрын

Jealousy isn't a bad thing, the way he's describing it. It's totally dependent on the kind of respect or priority your partner is showing you, in relation to the intimacy you share- whether they are or not- and/or whether or not you have an anxious attachment style. Which is kind of embarrassing- to have an anxious attachment style. Just check in on the relationship with dignity as necessary. Being protective of the relationship is healthy and fine.

@camillegallagher7828 4 ай бұрын

"1)In terms of how you behave, live in accordance with your values as opposed to the vicissitudes of your base emotions and chance thoughts. 2) Think more about cultivating your obituary virtues as opposed to your resume virtues. 3)The person you pick is the most important choice you make so be careful with that and think of it as a skill you want to be excellent at in maintaining that."

@polkadolt 3 ай бұрын

Don’t confuse LIMERENCE for LOVE!

@StrongSingleMom 3 ай бұрын

When he said boyfriends do lots of nice things for you I couldn’t help but laugh

@IviAndB 3 ай бұрын

💯 😂😂😂

@MyMuse1111 3 ай бұрын

Love bombers at the start? Run!

@cm4644 4 ай бұрын

Mate poaching, 100% success! He would not even make contact if he didn't already decide when saying 'Hi"

@Lemur2008 2 ай бұрын

Having been cheated on twice. (And gaslighted both times when I knew 100% they were), I just could never cause that level of pain on another human being. Sadly , I just don’t believe in loyalty or love anymore. No point in going through that pain ever again. Sad.

@v9b23j 4 ай бұрын

Online dating is similar to speed dating in the sense that both men & women have multiple options and choices to make in a brief time frame based on very little information they can garner from each other. Similarly, I think it's fair to assume that both men & women prioritize physical attractiveness over other traits when they engage in online dating apps.

@murphymacken 4 ай бұрын

Correct, they do!

@sherriflemming3218 3 ай бұрын

Online is The Paradox Of Choice - Ted Talk Women swipe 5% due to being more discerning - higher mating standards. Men swipe 60% to create more options.

@zenguro 2 ай бұрын

What else is there to do online anyways? It's shitty superficial, and all those 7s that might be super into you and hot in bed, you don't even gives those a chance. Also, 50% of women use online dating apps for a purpose other than dating or finding a mate. They just abuse it as a attention magnet. And are content with it.

@josusa1647 3 ай бұрын

Btw…reason it’s so depressing is because I have a very attractive husband that I love very much and the competition is exhausting

@jarkachalmovianska7812 3 ай бұрын

He would not have married you if he would not find you attractive. Chill.

@Zazezoo 2 ай бұрын

@@jarkachalmovianska7812Exactly! Plus not all women would agree that he’s very attractive 😅

@pcharm3711 2 ай бұрын

Oh god hopefully he does make you feel like you're competing for the place in his life? 😢

@Erica-cf1xb Ай бұрын

He don't know that the cockroaches smell her on him and his value increases. They literally come out of nowhere. That's why they are constantly checked to see who got married, and where she works...or he works. Just to destroy. That's it .

@daliapotosme4466 9 күн бұрын

Your guest ooses humility. “Doing all the work, but letting others take the credit”. He knows his stuff…. Very impressive presentation! Without giving himself any credit, factual science studies .. oh I really enjoyed this video! ❤thank you!!

@shellshelly5552 4 ай бұрын

Lewis….The lack of jealousy means YOU accepted yourself fully. Self worth, confidence leaves no room for jealousy.

@mrs.c5471 3 ай бұрын

I was never jealous of my husband, UNTIL he destroyed my world, my trust, my faith. I really don’t believe even now I’m “jealous” rather I’m more “aware” and listen to my gut.

@johnnydi2231 3 ай бұрын

I completely lack this quality.... And am currently going through the worst pain of my entire life because of it. And I have no idea how to deal with it, or how to completely rewire myself atp?! I am in constant pain and can't stop it. So I'm just screwed. And it hurts in an almost inexplicable way! 💔

@MS-sr6mj 3 ай бұрын

Not in my experience. I know someone who is very insecure, but he is never jealous.

@melissaschenk2649 3 ай бұрын

I learned the hard way that marriage, (the monogamous union of man and woman for life) is the most sacred thing on the face of this earth and better stated the most sacred thing in the universe. We are horrible at it and most of the world's problems can be traced back to sexual infidelity. Those people who mate with one person for life have a rare and beautiful gifts few of us find. When we see it, it glows with beauty and reminds the rest of us how short we all came. We skirt around sexual restraint and fidelity because we can't live up to the impossible standard. But we deny not only ourselves but future generations the privilege of having it in doing so. Having only one partner that you mate with for life, forsaking all others, is of such high value we don't even strive for it or when it is mentioned roll our eyes in disbelief. It is hard work, too hard for this culture and we have paid a very dear price for that. Great video. I liked it a lot.

@divine.healing 4 ай бұрын

At 39 I couldn't agree more about Lewis' jealousy insight 🔥🔥🔥

@alexwagnerautorin 4 ай бұрын

your choice of guests is just fantastic! thank you so much

@lewishowes 4 ай бұрын

You're welcome, your support means a lot!

@mickie1154 3 ай бұрын

I really learned SO much from this! Which led me to an awakening of a huge need for an answer to this: I must to change me. I must change from being drawn to narcissists. How can a person do this? Tell me. I will do it immediately.

@Mercermm 3 ай бұрын

Get more self secure and sure of yourself. Narcissist love to be able to control you. Good luck.

@thepowerofyourtrueself4794 2 ай бұрын

What a humbled man Macken is, very refreshing, thank you Lewis for bringing this man into your show, its a tremendous asset for all of us to get such insights into complexities of human behaviors and relationships.

@mcc1873 3 ай бұрын

The cost of beauty for a woman is the inevitable experience of aging she will experience both lookism, and ageism 10 fold not due to ego or entitlement but through her entire interaction with the outside world. It is amazing the reach of appearance has

@googlespyfranchise9089 4 ай бұрын

Wow, such humility, compassion and thoughtfulness. Especially moved by his empathy for the sufferers of infidelity. Such a dude.. seems to have an absence of grandiosity, which is refreshing given its prevalence in a lot of online talkers. Mind you.. if I like someone then that’s probably a warning sign.. I thought Huberman was great, my ‘picker’ is broken. In fact the police could probably use me as a psychopath detector.. whoever I like- that’s the person with the bodies in the basement 😅 (yes I am remaining single whilst I sort it out ha).

@shabarney 4 ай бұрын

Me too such a shame!

@Christian-jt7po Ай бұрын

Damnit. Me too.

@mariaclarasoares9648 4 ай бұрын

So, smart and so young!!! Great interview!!! Extremely humble ! Nice

@lewishowes 4 ай бұрын

So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.

@stavokg 4 ай бұрын

What a wonderfully kind guest! Such interesting and helpful information! Thank you.

@lewishowes 4 ай бұрын

Glad you enjoyed it!

@idaliahernandez1083 4 ай бұрын

I love listening to every statement on this interview. Lewis, i must confessed that ever since I found you i have found great minds as wel;l and I started following them to listen their content. Thank you for always bringing to your platform great minds and sharing with us great information that's to our benefit for growth. Definitely, you are the best out of all these many great minds and I love every time you leave the guest in awe with your questions. They are all on point. Again, THANK YOU! ❤

@lewishowes 4 ай бұрын

Thank you so much for your kind words 🧡

@morganadavies8319 3 ай бұрын

I appreciate Lewis' honesty and self reflection in this session

@zaynaa4377 4 ай бұрын

I love when 😂 macken takes off his specs when talking about something serious

@murphymacken 4 ай бұрын

for emphasis!

@andreiadetavora8471 4 ай бұрын

@@murphymacken 😅🤣 You're terrific!

@99balloons71 3 ай бұрын

That is observant of you. Its good you enoyed from different perspectives. I love it that he has researched such important topics and sharing generously so much of his findings.

@checksandbalances6714 2 ай бұрын

Jealousy is good in a small and controllable quantity - it means you have a fear of losing someone that you care for but when it overwhelms you (either bc you have a weak bond with them or you fear you won’t be able to move on if you lose that person /lack of self-esteem) then it becomes toxic /jealousy can also be learned say from a parent as that’s how you show love (just as toxic )

@brightpage1020 4 ай бұрын

Thank you, gentlemen, for this discussion.

@murphymacken 4 ай бұрын

Thanks for joining us!

@VanessaDiazNYC 4 ай бұрын

Fantastic podcast! Loved the acknowledgment at the end Lewis! 😊

@karenpeatey6226 4 ай бұрын

YES YES YES Life changing info - brilliant guys Thankyou Just on the lying segment I remember an expert commenting - our body can’t lie but our brain can That’s why there are always tell tale body language giveaways We lie all the time it’s a part of life - we have a dark side that knows we have to mask our darkness Sometimes we’re trying to be nice but we just can’t Like being in a relationship that we haven’t learned to master or the partner wants a commitment we’re not ready for Or in A job we hate So in these situations we lie Even to ourselves The body will take over - feel sick more often Have an affair or self sabotage Fascinating topic

@chieromancer 19 күн бұрын

1. Family history of cheating. 2. Body count, one night stands, promiscuity, uncommitted mating. 3. Physical attractiveness.

@BREEZYDENVER 4 ай бұрын

Thankyou so much this was amazing, this whole production of the video, the editing, the guest, the questions... round of applause

@lewishowes 4 ай бұрын

Appreciate your support. Thank you for watching! 🧡

@murphymacken 4 ай бұрын

thanks so much :)

@whiplashbeauty 4 ай бұрын

This has been one of the most fascinating and informative conversations! Great interview Macken & Lewis! Thank you!

@lewishowes 4 ай бұрын

So glad you enjoyed it, thank you for watching🧡

@murphymacken 4 ай бұрын

Thank you!!

@suzanne2680 4 ай бұрын

I had the exact same evolution with jealousy for the same reasons. Lewis. So liberating to let go of that.

@brightpage1020 4 ай бұрын

Yeah who wants to be with somebody who’d rather be with anyone else? I’ve gotten some tips that jealousy is about my own insecurity - not in an insulting way but as feedback from my body or the world that I don’t feel as confident as I’d like to about our connection - to take it as reminder to work on my own confidence through building myself up to become more secure with myself and less needy of any partner’s approval or attraction. That has helped. I also think being cheated on in a dating or even a “serious” dating relationship like cohabitating is … different on so many levels than a decade together with 4 kids, a home, shared bills, accounts, and a legal plus spiritual union. So much easier to recover from without kids in the mix and how kids change you.

@ufojeo 4 ай бұрын

Regardless if he doesn’t have the life experience most old heads have, it’s still worth a listen. He’s a scholar and literally does studies on infidelity. This is quite similar to psychologists who do studies, the only difference is the age. Keep an open mind and don’t follow what other people’s ego say on here 🙄

@ilsevdg1194 4 ай бұрын

"he can do better".... This conversation is not about love. Its about arranged, negotiated relationships.

@terewilliams1555 3 ай бұрын

interestingly enough, arranged marriages have the lowest divorce rate. Maybe we can learn something ...

@ilsevdg1194 3 ай бұрын

@@terewilliams1555 Hey there! Thank you for your reply and I respect your opinion! I agree that nothing is black and white. But the superficial considerations as discussed , are only marginally important in the long run. That is my conviction and experience. And, well, the author of the study himself also seems to disagree in real life. Go to 1:14:00. Divorce rates are not just the reflection of the (real) success of the marriages. They're also the reflection of the cultural differences in attitude towards divorce, socioeconomic circumstances etcetera. You could get Lucky in an arranged marriage and naturally evolve to a deeper connection with your partner. But if you follow your heart and intuition from the beginning (which is much wiser than your calculating mind), then your chance of real success, real matrimonial bliss, is bigger, I believe.

@RavenC1357 3 ай бұрын

I love this. I wish more men and women liked these kinds of relationship podcasts

@lewishowes 3 ай бұрын

So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.

@chriestinenpape 4 ай бұрын

I really enjoy this podcast and appreciate both of their expertise and experience!

@lewishowes 4 ай бұрын

So glad you enjoyed it! Thank you for watching🧡

@margaretwilliams5398 3 ай бұрын

Lewis I can relate to what you shared about jealousy and at a certain point I just completely let go and realized you can’t control others.

@Alfir33 4 ай бұрын

This is the most interesting interview. Huge respect. So bright and inspiring!

@lewishowes 4 ай бұрын

Thank you so much for your feedback 🙂

@sagewaters1185 3 ай бұрын

A huge downside of being attractive is that everybody wants a piece of you. Every single person you encounter will do anything they possibly can to get a piece of you in one way or another. So therefore our dissatisfaction doesn't come from having too many options. It comes from every single person that wants to engage with me is a potential serious danger and threat to me in my family. Simply because of what I look like. My dissatisfaction comes from this wonderful person that I thought was going to be. My friend is only here because I look good on their arm or I can get them into the cool places. Some beautiful people are just as beautiful on the inside! That's a ignorant blanket statement to say pretty people have it easier! Pretty girls are probably attacked more! Pretty girls have more girls jealous of them.....etc

@annettepaul3584 4 ай бұрын

I’m enjoying the content. I believe science tells us a lot and is overlooked in conversation. Psychology is a research based science too actually.

@lewishowes 4 ай бұрын

Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for being here 🧡

@user-bi4hf6vq1d 4 ай бұрын

Excellent interview and information. I appreciate that he gives credit to others who have done the studies and research! Giving credit where credit is due and admitting when he may not have the stats or answers. Very refreshing! Mac is very intelligent and knowledgeable as well as Wise for the number of years he has walked this path...

@murphymacken 4 ай бұрын

Cheers!!

@lewishowes 4 ай бұрын

Thank you for taking the time out of your day to check out the interview! So glad you enjoyed it🧡

@zarinatiger6244 4 ай бұрын

The jealousy part is true on both ends in my opinion. I mean it's flattering in the beginning then it must die down otherwise it becomes uncomfortable and uncontrollable leading to an unhappy miserable relationship ❤ thank you @Lewis enjoyed this interview✨️

@user-or3rk4vl5j 3 ай бұрын

This young man has studied his his filled and knows what he is talking about! I appreciate his candor. I appreciate him, saying this isn’t socially acceptable, but this is what I found, and he just goes with the truth! And I appreciate that greatly!

@lewishowes 3 ай бұрын

Thank you so much for your feedback 🙂

@colleenwoods5065 4 ай бұрын

Thank you for having this guest on, Lewis! I appreciated his humility as he referenced a number of times that he's young and just starting out in his field. We all start somewhere. I think we can do ourselves and society a service by encouraging those in his generation who are illustrating their passions/interests in a way to improve the lives of others. I hope his app assistants couples to have deeper and more meaningful conversations💓 Thanks again, Lewis!

@murphymacken 4 ай бұрын

Thank you for the kind words.

@lewishowes 4 ай бұрын

You're welcome, thank you for watching! 🧡

@enlightenyourself5200 3 ай бұрын

Such a professional and responsible approach to sharing his expertise and his caution where it’s not his area but weighing in with such a vast knowledge of other areas that overlap. I really appreciated this genuine and very insightful conversation into men and women and the many aspects of fidelity . Thank you both 😊

@lewishowes 3 ай бұрын

I appreciate your feedback, thank you so much for watching! 🙌

@Centimilli 4 ай бұрын

Thank you for bringing Mack on here! Yay! ❤

@lewishowes 4 ай бұрын

You're welcome 🙌

@ileniaherrera9987 3 ай бұрын

Just wow! Great interview! Well done young man. Thank you for sharing.

@lewishowes 3 ай бұрын

So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.

@CorinneAudibert-qy6nm 4 ай бұрын

Fantastic interview. Refreshing humility, emotional intelligence and big brains here.

@murphymacken 4 ай бұрын

Thank you!

@lewishowes 4 ай бұрын

Thank you for watching🧡

@melissawilkins7836 28 күн бұрын

I really love how Macken Murphy carries himself! Great answers and very authentic. Thank you for bringing him to your show. Your questions are so on point Lewis.

@lewishowes 28 күн бұрын

You're welcome, thank you for watching🧡

@allisonmcpherson7869 3 ай бұрын

He is such a brilliant young scientist. I found Thais Gibson that specialize in attachment theories and she healed herself and her story of self healing is amazing. I hope maybe you would consider bringing her on as a guest speaker. I also find your interview with Martha very inspiring, she is this amazing awaken human being. I am on this journey alone with self healing. I really don't have an exact map of how to go about it. I am living with my mom and that is a huge challenge, since I find myself reacting to her many times due to past trauma(she was some what abusive), but learning to let go of resentment and forgiving her is a process.

@BOT-dv9lz 3 ай бұрын

Its two ways to be a father. 1 biological and 2 upbringing wich is the way that are really are important for a human. Its probably not the best to not have both, but having one good father the whole upbringing instead of no one or one bad.

@dolleydano2057 4 ай бұрын

I really love and enjoy this conversation very detailed. Thank you both

@lewishowes 4 ай бұрын

So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.

@gcielasuarez9722 Ай бұрын

Thank you both for this interview and for mentioning the app! So beautiful work! 👏🏼

@ingridquintanilla8057 3 ай бұрын

Absolutely love Macken’s delivery ! He’s so good

@lewishowes 3 ай бұрын

Thank you so much for your feedback 🙂

@patriciamalone3553 2 ай бұрын

I think as a general rule men dont just divorce their wives unless they have someone else they may have lined up. Women that initiate a divorce do not often do this.

@MirnaEJiron 4 ай бұрын

Lewis, you are so on point. I see that young man of 27 holding allot of data but is missing the years of life experience like you and I (I’m 64).

@ElDrom_Belle 3 ай бұрын

Wow, the guest is so young and yet so utterly mature and insightful. Whatcan impressive young man. Once again excellent choice Lewis, bravo

@lewishowes 3 ай бұрын

Thanks for watching! I'm glad you liked it!

@DeirdreMFox 4 ай бұрын

Awesome interview, Macken has a bright career ahead of him.

@nannoreul 3 ай бұрын

Time well spent listening to this entire interview! Most videos on this subject lean strongly into opinion, but this was refreshing with all the evidence and studies packed in there!

@lewishowes 3 ай бұрын

Thank you for taking the time out of your day to check out the interview! So glad you enjoyed it🧡