Restoring Your Marriage After an Affair (Part 1)

Restoring Your Marriage After an Affair (Part 1) - Josh & Katie Walters

Рет қаралды 34,956

4 ай бұрын

Infidelity can rip a marriage apart - and it’s hard to imagine a betrayal more painful than finding out your spouse is involved with someone else. Josh and Katie Walters share the story of Katie’s affair with the husband of their good friend couple, and how Katie vacillated for quite a while, torn between doing the right thing (ending the affair) and still feeling love for the other man. Meanwhile, Josh was convinced by God that divorce was wrong and he needed to love Katie as Christ loves the Church, which meant pushing through the pain and hoping against hope to rescue his marriage. Josh and Katie have developed an acronym - S.T.A.Y. - for struggling couples. "S" stands for "Start with me," or taking ownership of your own sin and mistakes instead of blaming your spouse. They also address “T” - “Take quitting off of the table,” and Katie shares a story of making a vow to the Lord of “You can have my feet,” which meant she still wasn’t sure about her love/marriage with Josh, but she wouldn’t be going anywhere.
Get the book, New Marriage, Same Couple: bit.ly/3I9C5tm
For more resources on this topic: bit.ly/48k6S1v
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Пікірлер: 82

@user-ff4ir4bj9b 3 ай бұрын

I find it interesting when there are stories of women having an affair, the comments are attacking the women for stepping out and how the husband should divorce her. But when its the men that commit the affair, folks are either happy that their marriage is restored and/or they blame the woman for xyz.

@oterosocram25 2 ай бұрын

Each case is different but You have to understand the details on predominant cases: Women are more vulnerable than men Women are more emotional than man Woman are a direct path type of thinking, men has many compartments to process information There is a lot more but based on only these, Woman tend to cheat more and faster than men, it just more emotional not physical and also there is more divorce initiated by women than men (although majority of the percentage really don’t want to divorce) There is a ton of information but going back to Genesis I think it becomes a lot more clear

@vccvcc9694 4 ай бұрын

ANYTIME YOU TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE ACTIONS OF A CHEATING SPOUSE ….THAT GIVES SPACE FOR THEM TO DEFLECT RESPONSIBILITY…,THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL TESTIMONY OF GOD’S GRACE …,WE MUST OWN OUR OWN STUFF

@DavidVelasquez9 2 ай бұрын

Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her

@DailamiPuang 2 ай бұрын

there is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things

@DavidVelasquez9 2 ай бұрын

Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?

@DailamiPuang 2 ай бұрын

Her name is chamani White, and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.

@DavidVelasquez9 2 ай бұрын

Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive

@NeverTooSleepy 4 ай бұрын

I do not agree with the spouse victim taking any responsibility on the affair. It’s mind boggling. She chose to do that!

@Stacyaj10 4 ай бұрын

Having an affair is not the same as stubbing your toe…poor guy.

@rachellelovesbroccoli 4 ай бұрын

I'm going through this right now! perfect timing

@focusonthefamily 4 ай бұрын

Hi, Rachelle. We're glad that you were able to relate so personally to the content of this broadcast. Also, we have counselors here who can listen and pray with you. If you think it would be helpful, we invite you to get in touch with them. Here’s the contact info: bit.ly/2ItKdoE. Peace and blessings to you!

@MikeSmith-kt5mj 3 ай бұрын

@@focusonthefamilyDon't worry Rachel. Focus on tge Family will never hold a cheatibg wife or any women accountable for adultery. The Feminist who run the ministry hate men and the cuckold men will continue to be doormats.. Modern Evangelicalism

@chrisr7597 4 ай бұрын

Feel badly for the 7 kids.

@Daisy.florina 4 ай бұрын

never they think about the children only themsleves, the children suffer far more than a spouse

@chrisr7597 4 ай бұрын

@@Daisy.florina Yes. The kids did NOT choose this. I see it as a betrayal of all family members. Personally believe family laws need to be changed with true tangible penalties for the offender(s) that would make this treacherous act TRULY ACCOUNTABLE for both men and women. Away with no-fault divorce. Do NOT marriage up if you are entertaining this abhorrent OS, especially with said enforceable consequences. Trust is never the same...no matter what words are said at surface level.

@rosemisatiofficial5428 4 ай бұрын

Mmmhh.....am yet to read the book, am feeling spiritual bypassing and not so much clarity.

@patriciaclark800 4 ай бұрын

Felt the same way and downloaded a sample of their book and it's actually much better.

@deejay7759 4 ай бұрын

It is SO dangerous to say that the betrayed is in any way responsible for a wayward’s affair. How hurtful. There are so many other choices s person can make other than cheating. If there are problems in the marriage, if you are so unhappy, tell your spouse, LEAVE, separate, go get counseling to help you be strong enough to tell your spouse, get marriage counseling. Ask a friend to help you tell your spouse. For Gods sake, take responsibility for yourself and don’t hurt you spouse and children. Be an adult and go get help before you are tempted to cheat. There is no valid reason to cheat. Church, stop blaming the betrayed for their spouse’s infidelity. Stop telling the betrayed they contributed to a bad marriage and that’s why the other one cheated! They don’t know unless the person tells them they are unhappy. Jesus didn’t blame others for your sin. You sin because you make the choice to sin. It’s no one else’s fault but your own. That poor man. Losing his job for her actions.

@moniquewrites9046 4 ай бұрын

Amen!! Even the Bible says sin starts from your OWN desires! There are way to many resources out there and outlets. Jesus would always give us a way our. I see infidelity in this day and age with all the therapists and support groups as immaturity. Until we see it as such, it will continue to happen. Infidelity is a fig leaf to cover up the real hurt that someone is trying to hide. But it is better to be hidden in Christ. It starts as a single people. Is your mind wondering, do you have multiple affections? Are or were you abused? There are better outlets for healing than the dangerous acts of sexual immorality.

@coolbrit56 4 ай бұрын

I agree with this. No decent counselor should be using these words at all. We have to stop this!

@LegoAnimationGuy1 Ай бұрын

I disagree. You've got 2 individuals who agreed to be married. Marriage itself is a different unit than the 2 individuals. It's the union of those 2 individuals. And because marriage is the combination, both individuals share in responsibility for it's wins and losses. No marriage will succeed if it's nothing but two individuals finger pointing. About anything and everything

@deejay7759 11 күн бұрын

@@LegoAnimationGuy1 the beauty of it is that you don’t have to agree with me. I could care less if you do or don’t. I was in no way blame for my H cheating. No way will I accept that nonsense. It’s hurtful to blame the person who was cheated on. As I said above there are MANY other options a person has instead of cheating. Cheating is cowardly. Leave if you can’t control yourself. Open your mouth and talk to your spouse. Go get a divorce if you need to be with other people. Go get some freaking help for yourself if you can’t keep it in your pants. Stop hurting your spouse. It’s cruel. Man or woman up and go get help. Stop blaming other people for your choice to cheat on your spouse. You led the choice. The innocent spouse has no say in it. Most of the time they don’t even know how you feel about the marriage.

@CesarI. 4 ай бұрын

I am a long time listener and admirer of Focus on the Family, it has ministered to me as the betrayed spouse of infidelity; I am grateful for the vast majority of their videos, articles, etc. This segment though gives me concern and I see several comments referencing the same idea...that unloading some or most of the responsibility of the spouse's affair (emotional and/or sexual) unto the betrayed spouse is quite frankly dangerous and not in my opinion biblically sound. The husband says in minute 16:52 "what are the choices I made that lead us to this place". That is heartbreaking to hear not so-subtle blame shifting, her sin (and the many decisions made daily in that sin) is her responsibility and no one else's. I like their acronym of S.T.A.Y. but I would argue that the S of "starts with me" is not a message of it starts with how I should've been a better listener/leader/etc and this would not have happened.

@Freeasabird699 24 күн бұрын

I agree with you 100%, I'm going through this now and there is NO excuse for stepping out of the marriage. If something is broken, you fix it, or you leave, but you NEVER use that as an excuse to cheat. It's the most gut-wrenching thing I ever had to go through.

@Mrs.WordSmith.GEN_8zero 23 күн бұрын

Whew the ultimate tendency towards JUDGEMENT w/ out any Opportunity for hard but rewarding forgiveness through humbleness, grace & mercy offered up from the typical ‘ believer’ in this feed is pretty nauseating .

@deejay7759 11 күн бұрын

100% agree.

@priscillavelazquezs 4 ай бұрын

I could’ve follow them very well… they don’t really say much.

@kellyburek1751 4 ай бұрын

First red flag is right off the bat when she said she had been to a Beth Moore conference. It is not biblical for a woman to be a pastor. She is a false teacher

@YLopez-xg3dq 3 ай бұрын

Where in the Bible does it say a woman can’t be a pastor? Please tell me verse scriptures!

@michellewilliams9988 3 ай бұрын

I actually stumbled upon it in Luke. Like chapter 2 or near it. Also, Google is free.

@amandariddell7120 2 ай бұрын

Women can to be pastors, teachers and leaders of Christ

@dana8208 Ай бұрын

@@amandariddell7120it does say in the Bible that women are not to disciple men in any church capacity. However, women can teach other women.

@completechiropractic246 4 ай бұрын

He chose "elected" me, elect angels changed becoming demons like Paul could Gal. 1:6-9, like Paul "elect" in Rom. 11 with Rom. 11:21-23; Deut. 31 "broke covenant""not forsake""will forsake" in Heb. 13:4-6 near marriage says otherwise. Mal. 2:14-16, soul tie only happens between one man one woman, "body and spirit" in covenant marriage, not adultery. She interrupts. Way too Prov. 2 potentially down the road.

@nickparsons1529 4 ай бұрын

Was this an emotional affair only or a physical one also?

@carriefigard1955 4 ай бұрын

Emotional

@focusonthefamily 4 ай бұрын

Josh and Katie describe this emotional affair on their website: bit.ly/48qPND6

@nickparsons1529 4 ай бұрын

@@focusonthefamily Thanks!

@lindsaygore8989 4 ай бұрын

That is not accurate. It was most definitely physical

@nickparsons1529 4 ай бұрын

@@lindsaygore8989 What are you basing this on?

@kimberlyturner820 4 ай бұрын

He's so beautiful.. Like the Father

@debbiesiewertsen5145 2 ай бұрын

Stubbing your toe compared to an affair??

@izakwessels8456 4 ай бұрын

Inspiring content, thank you.

@focusonthefamily 4 ай бұрын

It's great to hear that our content has inspired you, @Izakwessels8456. Thank you for sharing that with us!

@MikeSmith-kt5mj 3 ай бұрын

@@focusonthefamilyFocus on the family always blames the husband for the wife cheating, but FOTF always makes cheating husbands to be scumbags....Then again so do most Christian wives

@nelarizaj1613 2 ай бұрын

With all due respect,this is not really relevant for couples who are going through real betrayal -physically being one with another person.

@jessyjonas4988 4 ай бұрын

The woman knew it was her Too polite to say anything not wanting to cause division 🙄 Another woman would have simply said from the outset Leave my husband alone ..not as nice with some spice😮

@jessyjonas4988 4 ай бұрын

@@lindsaygore8989 🐰you only need to know human nature

@Manowar112 4 ай бұрын

They said a lot of words without saying much of anything at all??? Did they get divorced? Were they separated and if so how long? How did they come back together? How did the reconciliation start? Who sought reconciliation?

@deejay7759 4 ай бұрын

They wrote a book. I guess that info is there. There's a part 2 coming as well.

@focusonthefamily 4 ай бұрын

Thank you for your questions @Manowar112. Josh and Katie will be sharing more of their story on tomorrow's broadcast. You can find our daily broadcast here- bit.ly/3MQHyr0. We hope this helps!

@MikeSmith-kt5mj 3 ай бұрын

@@focusonthefamilyI can't wait to see more Christian husbands blamed for their wives infidelity.... That is Focus on the Family for you. Ever since Dobson left you guys are nothing but misandrist feminist.

@patriciarowland8230 2 ай бұрын

I've heard many sermons that if they leave and get divorce they can't remarry.

@lisaberchtold2248 4 ай бұрын

Too bad they make money off a book. Just like Jimmy Swaggert - should have known better. King David made no money off his sin- he lost his son. I am not impressed or inspired I am just uncomfortable.

@Aphex96. 4 ай бұрын

So excuse me for not catching this but did she have a physical afffair or just an emotional affair?

@moniquewrites9046 4 ай бұрын

Not to speak for them, but it doesn’t matter. Marriage is a bond that requires mind body and soul. Whether physical or not it was wrong. And until we see it as that, we’ll keep having Christian marriages that go through this.

@deejay7759 4 ай бұрын

She didn't answer that question when he asked. She skirted around it but sounds like emotional.

@carriefigard1955 4 ай бұрын

It was an emotional affair.

@lindsaygore8989 4 ай бұрын

That is not accurate. It was most definitely physical

@freetobe15 4 ай бұрын

She did answer directly in the video, and said, "Emotional." @ the 6:14 mark in the video.

@anaeliza5361 4 ай бұрын

So insightful, so powerful. Absolutely inspiring!!!

@davidsmnje 2 ай бұрын

Same old Christian bs, blame the "enemy" instead of your own choices and actions! Ps; this wasn't Katie's first and last affair, her hubby doesn't even know about the other one!🤣🤡

@dana8208 Ай бұрын

The devil does temp us into sin, however I believe she should have been more clear that she was the one who made the choice to become emotionally involved with this other man. We choose to sin, no matter how we are tempted. To blame our choices on the devil is not biblical. If the devil could make us sin, then Jesus would have sinned because the devil would have forced Him to. Jesus experienced temptation by the devil and still remained pure.

@jessyjonas4988 4 ай бұрын

You are a Prince among men

@jessyjonas4988 4 ай бұрын

Wife’s have that conversation with your husband You are not married to the other woman

@keithmaxwell5714 4 ай бұрын

Maybe she just wasn’t articulating it well, but it sure sounded like she was blaming the devil for her behavior. And a baby in the hospital!!

@moniquewrites9046 4 ай бұрын

She was dealing with Limerance but because the church doesn’t talk about mental health, we blame it on the devil. Many men and women struggle with this but to have affection for a man for a year you’re not in a relationship with is maladaptive day dreaming (whether single or married) and it needs awareness, recognition counseling to heal from. It usually stems from childhood trauma.

@theperfectimperfectfamily13 4 ай бұрын

@@moniquewrites9046 Yes

@rosemisatiofficial5428 4 ай бұрын

It feels like that to me as well.

@mrs.colettebowers98 4 ай бұрын

What is Limerance?

@sammie1262 3 ай бұрын

An involuntary romantic infatuation with another person, especially combined with an overwhelming, obsessive need to have one's feelings reciprocated@@mrs.colettebowers98