"If you don't insist on your values, then someone will come along and impose their anti-values on you " I am memorizing that incredible quote

The behavior that prompted me to start research was: 1. The unusual repetitive behavior patterns I've never seen from another adult 2. The shocking lack of empathy and sudden behavior shift after the love bombing stage

When you see the red flags, plan quietly and run! Never tell them you are leaving-they are DANGEROUS.

In my experience, the first clue is if you sense you're being intentionally triggered. Its the first thing a narcissist does, push your buttons to identify your weaknesses and vulnerabilities to exploit, then the hell begins, a constant game of push you away and pull you back in. There's no fixing it, RUN! and don't look back.

Telling them no, or just doing what YOU want are the best test, hands down. They will react - be in name calling, gaslighting, yelling, or silent treatment.

I actually came here to see if I was the narcissistic one in my relationship. I am in tears right now, realizing I was made to think I was as a means of control. Being unable to make decisions for myself, living like a zombie, compromising my personal ideals... it's like you could see in my head. Thank you for shattering the illusion.

I have an old saying… I’d rather have the cold truth, then a warm lie. Thank you for pointing out the obvious, I’ve been in denial for way too long. I am disabled, and this narcissistic person loves to use it against me, but I am getting my power back. I’m bringing my health back and I’m getting back into the world, with a fun fulfilling new job,

I ended up here because she accused me of being a narcissist. I’ve heard people talk about it but I didn’t really know what it was exactly. So I looked it up, realized she was projecting, and here I am.

The best thing about leaving a narcissist is the relief....the relief alone can stop you from re-initiating contact

Staying away from people that makes you feel unconfortable. Whenever you don't feel good it means there is toxicity entering into you.

I am and my 2 kids are narcissistic abuse survivors 🎉 we made it out safely 🙏

I am not sure of your name sir, but this is the most important information on Narcissism I have ever experienced. You delivered the information in the most professional manner; never mind whether or not a credentialed clinical psychologist. Sigmund Freud was a credentialed clinical psychologist who believed and taught we are all a product of what has happened to us in our lives, however, Carl G. Jung believed and taught that we instead can become what we choose to become. Freud was a "Mature Soul" whereas Jung was an "Old Soul." The excellence in what you have put together here is a "gift to humanity," and you will never be forgotten for it... B.T.W. I was married to one of these creatures for over 3 decades, and raised 4 children from birth to adulthood before I "figured it out." Thank you from my heart to your's...❤️

"...Let your hope die..." ......ugh. This is the hardest part for me.

“No one did this for me, I did this for me” Richard grannon.

I'm in the process of moving out and he was supposed to be out of state with his grown children but he came back after a week and a half, like I knew he would. I have not had to face him yet as he stayed in his man cave in the garage but I know when I get home from work he will probably try to talk. I have already done everything you just talked about and bought myself a house in a different town that he doesn't know where it is. His new supply already found out he is a lying cheating narcissist I'm leaving after 20 years so I know he's going to try and change my mind and hoover at some point through my packing up and moving. Whats helping me is that my grown son is with me right now and that keeps the narc at bay. Pray for my strength y'all! I got this!

I was raised by a narcissistic father. He's 82, and he has never changed. He admitted in 2022, after I addressed him about his abuse, and he admitted he would never change. In 2017, I entered into a relationship with a man that I didn't recognize as having NPD until I watched this video. On June 14th, 2023, he stated to me, "I thought about asking me to marry him, but". When he said but, I said, "No." But when I said "no," nothing else was said. The next morning, he told me he didn't love me anymore and asked me to move out. He refused to speak to me and wanted nothing else to do with me. After watching this video, I can now look back and see what he was doing to me. I'm trying to move forward and search for ways to overcome his abuse. Thank you for sharing your knowledge. It has been helpful, and I will continue to seek self-help therapy to become a stronger person.

One of the best videos on narcissists I’ve ever heard in plain, simple words. Excellent. I couldn’t help think that we are dealing with this on a macro scale… literally half the world is operating this way and gaslighting us on a massive scale on too many things to name. wonder if anyone esle feels the same

This was so intensely and brutally honest. And those of us in an abusive relationship really need the hard truth. Thank you.

Junk values, that is a great expression. Recently realized that a boundary I set with my fiance (now ex) which she decided to cross all the time; the boundary was based on a great value - respect. She inserted her junk values into her reasoning for crossing the boundary (flirting with men in front of my eyes) and said that is acceptable behavior because she is attractive and I should be grateful. So glad to see this video and learn about junk values, because that explanation of hers is total junk.

I am here listening because I have seen my spouse literally put effort into becoming a blossoming narcissist. Teaching himself to feel nothing in regard to the constant pain that he intentionally puts & leaves me in. He has been so devastatingly horrible that he can never make up to me all of the horrors that he has inflicted.

Comrade Richard says Tell the truth. Despair. Grieve. Leave. Must have boundaries.

Just did my core value test. I now see why I can attract narcs but why they can’t stand me. My top five are authenticity, forgiveness, trust, courage and compassion. Yes I can be forgiving and compassionate but my authenticity and courage always protect me by irritating those who fail to control me. 😊😊😊😊😊 I’ll keep being myself. It’s so good!

Watching again. I left him 4 days ago. The HOOVERING is real. Ironically in my room 101 is my deep empathy for him, my understanding of how he is the architect of his own demise and where it stems from. I also fear the hoovering, knowing that I'm all he has in the world. We could be SO good together, but the gaslighting, rage fits, all te rest became too much. I left him before, end of August last year and he changed so much for the better, or so it seemed... I doubted if he was really a Narcisist and has since learned about the different types. For 3 months it went very well with "only" one or two incidents. The total relapse from early Dec. I tried to keep my boundaries in place and detached emotionally. I certainly had to put the brakes on the finances, although he expected less this time round. He even did things for me he would not before. The red flag I chose to ignore when slowly getting back with him was his minimising of the issues as I brought it up. Now he tells me he loves me and seems truly defeated. Probably an act to lure me right back in? Who knows...

At <a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="743">12:23</a> "They function like artificial intelligence. They function like machines. They all do the same thing." Precisely and excellently said. They remind me of Terminator robots with zero emotion or empathy. The discovery of realising someone who you thought you knew was and is in fact a narcissist is a very disturbing realisation. They wear so many masks that you never know which one to expect on any given day. The blowing hot and cold behaviour and gaslighting was personally the worst for me because I never knew where I stood or what to expect. Thanks Richard for your videos. Very helpful and insightful content 🙏 best wishes from Ireland ☘️

I normally balk at all these self promoting life coaches stating the obvious and hustling for ratings and fame. But Richard has blown my mind. His analysis is so on the mark, and can only have come from survival of his own brutal experiences. I am blown away by his intelligence and generosity to want to share and empower.. Probably the most articulate piercing lucid profiling and tutorial on the hell that is living under the tyranny of a narcissist. I truly love his soul.

If thinking about the response strategies makes your heart race, you already have a test result.

Until around five years ago, I had no idea how I’ve been in these kinds of situations my whole life. By many different people, and many different intensities. Everything in my life had to crash to see how I’d been exposed to, and how I had aided in their awful treatment. Standing for your core truth really is the only way for me to break the chain. I still battle some family members, because of the long repeated cycle. I have boundaries with them, and NO is the most effective deterrent.💯

Powerful! I am finally moved to action to free myself from my third narcissistic relationship.

I found out by Googling the question why won't my husband ever say sorry. When I started reading I felt like I couldn't breathe like someone had punched me in the gut. It was the most bizarre thing ever to see phrases and things like walking on eggshells and gaslighting and word salad and things that all made sense to me. It definitely has empowered me and also watching videos such as yours and others. It truly does seem as if we have some dark people roaming. God bless and keep you!

I know you're probably fed up with narcissists Richard, but thank you for all the resources. They helped me put my life back together when I crept out of a 20 year marriage, barely alive.

Thank you for these videos. I left my husband after 30 years..ive never known such peace..

How many women have told their husband no and was given the silent treatment for it? That's the first "no" that needs to be tested long before you wear the ring. Long before.

I’m so very grateful for this mans wisdom. To think of the pain he has had to endure to gather this information is heartbreaking but it’s miraculous how many he has helpedheal because of that pain. Thank you!!

I left my narc boyfriend and father of my children 6 weeks ago. Hands down the most horrible, depressing, messiest and confusing time of my life . I know he is a narcissist and I’ve known for a while but the thoughts always arise of if i did the right thing to leave. This video is so validating. Thank you Richard. You once again reminded me that I did the right thing to RUN! And never look back.

The grief is profound when the narc is your adult child. 30+ years of attempting to make myself into the mother I thought she deserved. I’m 72yo and have decided to go no contact. The emotions are so complicated. Painfully sad and liberating at the same time. Thank you once again Richard. I have your book and am part of the Unleash group. ♥️

"When you're combating the narcissist you're really combating the fragility in yourself" wow! This cuts right to the source. Thank you! 🙏

Wow, this describes my life completely. After 45 years of marriage, I finally started to question my husband’s behaviour a couple of years ago. The same pattern was with his father who treated his wife with emotionally, financially and physically abuse. Narcissistic was not a word 30/40 yrs ago. I have done the TEST many times after my husband would have a angry tantrum or sulk if I dared to question his behaviour. If ever I need something, I would have to either “ WAIT- FIGHT FOR IT - OR HAVE TO DO IT MYSELF! “ Even no contact is painful because he walks around with a smirk on his face and if I try to approach him after days and days of silence, he just oks at me with an evil look in his eyes. I was brought up on morals and values, I know now, that what my parents taught me, does not exist in a Narcissist. Watching your videos and reading comments brings it home that these people have no empathy at all. Other family members see a happy, funny, helpful person, no one ever sees what see…. So frustrating- I am a survivor like my MIL, god her…..Life is too short to live in these conditions anymore, at 64, I just want to live MY LIFE NOW, not his.

I was married to a "narc" for 30 years. As an empathic individual, over time I found myself victimized and believing I was insane. However, three years ago I began a journey of empowerment and self-worth and began to say "NO". I stopped feeding my husbands ego and need to be right. I would not allow him to twist his words around in an attempt to blame me. I began to take back my power...and that infuriated him. I did not absorb his emotional outbursts nor did I continue to look the other way when, for example, I knew he was lying about having an affair. I was ready to leave and felt confident in my decision...and then we both got COVID and he eventually died from complications due to pneumonia that developed. I was stunned and most certainly heartbroken over this loss...at the same time, for the first time in a long time, I felt free from the misery he instilled on me with his narcissistic ways. I feel guilty for feeling this way, indeed...and also fearful that I might once again be subject to narcissism to the point that I am pushing anyone and everyone away who expresses an interest in me. Your video really inspired me and gave me hope on how to recognize and combat the narcissistic personality by simply listing my values and sticking to them. Staying true to myself and using the "checks and balances" of my values to help gauge my surroundings, feelings, and integrity is indeed a helpful tool. Thank you for your video. It truly inspired me.

The nightmare I don't want to face is looking back at myself years down the road and saying I should have just left. I could have been so happy. I could have actually done the things I wanted to do.

One thing that has always helped me to get over the confusion and pain involved in getting over people who have little to nothing to give to me in return for my contributions to the relationship is to make a list of all the hurtful things they have done to me, and the positive things I got/get. The list of positives is inevitably very, very meager, while the list of painful stuff just goes on and on.........whenever I find myself yearning, hurting, wondering what I might be able to do to "fix" things, feel confused, etc. I get out my list and review it. Then I get back to my own life. Eventually, I don't need to look at the list any more. Sunk costs are a big problem in these situations. The more we have invested, the harder it is to let go. It's like gambling in that respect! Maybe the NEXT play will make me a winner! NO, it won't. It's helpful to stop being so forgiving and loving towards these people. A little anger and resentment from time to time, and asking yourself if you would choose to make friends with this person TODAY if you just met them, knowing what you know now, is helpful. The answer will be "I don't want this person in my life." You'll probably realize that sunk costs are a big problem for you. And you might accept the fact that you don't have to be all-forgiving, even if it is extremely unpleasant to feel very angry and bitter towards such people. You have to stop thinking about the way things "should" be, and see what things ARE. You don't have to focus on the good in these people. The price you pay to experience their little bit of that is not worth the investment you made/make. Cut your losses.

Richard is very good at dissecting and walking people through the gory details of going no contact.

ive accepted that none of them will change ... mourned the loss of the dream and am mostly no contact with narc fam/ no contact w exes

I so needed that about facing the fear. The narcissist is my own son. The things he has done our absolutely mind blowing. I never thought to completely look at the pain this caused me.

I've been there. Every word so true. Thanks for this video. After 2 years of no contact, 1000 hours of videos about narcissism, a lot of grieving, intellectually understanding and moving forward with my own life, I couldn't agree more to your explanation.

Do not let the narcissist lead!!! I'm getting this tattooed on my forearm!! Thank you Richard!

You helped me save my own life! I had exactly what you're explaining happening to me. For 3 years I was with a woman with whom I thought was the girl of my dreams. Once we moved in together I quickly realized she was actually the girl of my nightmares. But I held on and kept trying to make it work. Bending to her whim at all costs. Listing to her entitled demands and outlandish expectations. Dealing with her childish fits. The entire time I was being gaslighted, I felt like I was the problem. About a year ago I listened to your speech about the female narcissist. It blew me away. And I listened to it until I could memorize it. Further down the road you talked about saying "no" and testing for NPD. So I started testing her by saying "no". She exploded sulking or even raging with infantile reactions that dragged on for days sometimes. It was sickening. Then from further suggestion from your videos, I started a strong morning routine of structured journaling, yoga, breath work and meditation. I started to feel human again. I started to feel like I had control of my life. Eventually I left her, it was hard, I went back a couple times, Finally I went "no contact" and it worked! Even though I still grieve from time to time. I feel like I'm free. Free from abuse, free from her ridiculous expectations, and I'm finding myself again. I'm feeling independent and strong. I'm a new person. My friends see it, my community is growing and I feel love all around me. When I was with her, I was isolated, a shell of a human on the brink of suicide. Richard Grannon, your videos helped me so much. I can't thank you enough. My life is so much better having had you guide me through all of this. Keep up the great work! I see what you're seeing in society, and I agree with your philosophies almost all the time. I'm a fan for life. I'll keep checking in, and I'll keep protecting myself from abuse and the sick individuals that are lost in a sea of their own pain. SPARTIN FOR LIFE! I even got your logo tattooed on my hand to remind me of my accomplishments! Big Love bother!

Nicely done. I like how you insist it's not revenge. We stand our ground and mirror those behaviours. Then test. I feel empowered. Thanks Richard.

Thank you so much for this. I know you didn't intend it to be humorous but your point about "they all do the same things" "they all say the same things" "It's like they all went to the same training school" brought laughter to my day because it's so true. They are so predictable. Just today what should have been a normal conversation turned into a narc crazy upside down nonsense - it was so ridiculous I thought to myself, I know what you're going to say next and like clockwork. they spouted out their text book narc response. I burst out laughing in their face. While that was perhaps a little rude of me, I literally couldn't help it. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and helping so many of us.

“Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; Who put darkness for light, and light for darkness; Who put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!” ‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="320">5:20</a>‬ ‭

The best advice I have ever in my life received from my very very best friends! (Which I did not listen to for 4 years!) "When they Show and Tell you who They Are.. BELIEVE Them!"

Wow Room 101 might be the most on point analogy for narcissistic abuse I have ever heard!

I'm so broken 😢 40yrs 17 yrs married now old just found you today.

This is such a powerful and simplified way of keeping hold of what's left of "you" and beginning to refocus and regenerate your energy despite your current condition. Thank you Richard!

I was friends with a co-worker who revealed she was dealing with a particularly difficult relationship, and it was becoming increasingly more volatile, until it reached the point where she needed to get out. I helped her to remove herself safely from the situation by taking her back the apartment they shared, after work, while he was gone. It was very scary because she had already told me he was becoming increasingly hostile and abusive toward her, and she was visibly nervous about him showing up and discovering her plan to leave, while we were there. She had already loaded her car that morning, after he left for work and had me take her back to the apartment to drop the keys off, after her shift was over. She would be leaving town from there, and didn't want to take a chance of him coming home early to find out (and show up at her work), until she was across the state line. We pulled it off without a hitch, she made it safely to her parents, and successfully went on to live a very healthy restored life. It was after she moved that that she started an online support group about narcissism, and invited me to join. That was when I learned that I was so busy helping her with her situation, that I didn't realize that I was totally ignoring my own problems. I even remember making a point TO NOT TELL my husband what I was doing, this whole time, because I knew he wouldn't support my efforts. By the time I got home, albeit a little later than usual, he had already gone to the bedroom and didn't even come out to find out what I was doing. I fixed dinner which he didn't even acknowledge, and we went to bed in our separate rooms. When I started seeing the links to counseling for narc abuse, that's when I learned what narcissism is and the lightbulb came on. I am 2 years free of my abusive situation and am very grateful for all the help I've received since my "awakening" from the lie I had been living with for 19 years.

Oh my, this week in therapy I said that my mum just sees me as a “thing”. She only wants me to do things for her and when I started to have boundaries & say no OMG the rage from this 85yr old that she wasn’t getting her way, the guilt and shame she threw at me was overwhelming. I still haven’t accepted it to the point it doesn’t affect but your videos and therapy help. Thank you 🙂

This is the best video I have watched. It’s the only video that’s given me practical steps and also what practical steps to take to move on. I’ve had to educate myself on Narcissism. I’ve been discarded and abandoned by my narc of 20yrs. I’ve been separated from my narc for 2 years but on visiting the kids he acts as if everything is ok and we’re still a family. He’s already with another woman and has kids with her. I know I need to end this and move on but narc rage is a real thing and can be dangerous. I’ve been through all types of abuse - physical, emotional, psychological and financial. This video has laid everything out and also provided practical steps to take my power back, to take back control of my life. I don’t think this will be easy but I know it’s the only way to move forward with my life.

"Don't let them lead". On our first holiday a few weeks into our relationship, my narc-ex asked me to give him my passport. I innocently said no and that I'd look after it myself. He smirked and accused me of being controlling! I defended myself and wanted to prove I wasn't controlling, so I offered him my passport, which he then declined (I know, I know). So many red flags and signs right there. I knew it was odd but at that point, I had absolutely no idea what I was dealing with. I escaped two years later in the middle of a silent treatment. Lessons learned. Tests, accusations, controlling, projection. Do not ignore or make excuses for red flags.

I was with a female narcissist for 6 years. At first, I had a fragile ego and felt inadequate with relationships because up to that point my longest relationship was 6 months. I saw the red flags but convinced myself that relationships naturally have problems, and they do, but not like when you're dealing with a narcissist. ironically, this experience led to me becoming more confident. It started when I moved to another state to be with her. I got a job that scared me and I lacked confidence in my abilities. As I got better at my job, I realized it was no different than any other job and I started asking myself what can I do to be happy? what can I do for me? what do I want? Why should I be the one to compromise in my relationship ALL THE TIME? As I got more confident in my relationship I naturally did the things mentioned in this video bc what I initially thought were cute quirky personality flaws, women like to tell men what to change etc etc... became more like issues with reality as time went on, or, in other words I was waking up to reality. The more confident I became, the more lost in another world my partner became. The gaslighting and distortion of reality is what pissed me off to the point of leaving. It was the increased controlling behaviors that pushed me to my freedom. Rich gives good advice here. I did what he recommended and man, like I couldn't say no bc it turned into a freaking 2hour to 2 day ordeal of fighting and watching her cry... be careful though, like he said, bc doing the test to see the response can be dangerous, but you have to look at your situation and make that determination. Life is short, do you really want to spend it settling for unhappiness? It's been a year since I left my situation. I am about to go after some hobbies that I've put off for years. I'm about to change jobs and go after a higher paying job which I will get. I haven't dated, not bc I'm scared, but bc I'm drained, emotionally and physically, not so much now. I definitely won't settle for the illusion of happiness anymore. I started talking to a lot of women, and I listen to the red flags now. I'm comfortable being alone, it's ok. Listen to this guy. He knows his shit. He's lived it too. good luck to everyone.

I wanted to say thank you for your free work for people like me and many others. I grew up in a narcissistic environment, and I dated a smart antisocial personality disorder that knew what he was, I went deep as someone with a good heart for others can get to. It almost killed me. I got mentally and physically so sick I almost lost everything. after learning all that I found myself years later dating a narcissist.. and it felt lighter and easier after the antisocial disorder (which makes it all f** up even more). I have SO much to give, and I found myself at a point that I can't even give myself love anymore. dead dry. My Cptsd made me become emotionally drained that I stopped having emotions. I started to act and feel like the narcissist myself. empty, cynical, dark jokes and no true trust in other. Thank God, universe or whatever, the great philosophy of smart people in the past, I don't give up. all my bloody f life. so thank you. for helping people around the world like a big smart, healthy brother we all needed.

This advice is spot on. Don't let narcissists LEAD. YOU lead. Thank you for being such a great help. Your wisdom is much appreciated.

Yes, be on guard when you say no. I kindly told my father no and his reaction was very verbally violent. I developed PTSD from the experience. So, be prepared for anything!

When i was with my husband, i did tell him no, and I did mirror him, because after 5 years of him steadily upping the abuse I just did it naturally. Finally got the COURAGE to leave. That is what it takes..facing your fears, Richard Grannon is absolutely correct. I am afraid to be alone, i do not like it...but here i am and i feel much more calm. Watch more of Richard's videos and also w/ Sam Vaknin. Truly insightful.

Thank you for uploading this... this will prevent a lot of people, men and women becoming future victims...its frightening and heartbreaking looking back as I suppose many here are on what we've let ourselves be victims too...

I couldn't have said it better myself. I never knew about narcissism found out about it after googling his behaviors and actions, and then searched for my values and beliefs and realised , after 20 years, and multiple affairs, we are completely misaligned. It is now 3 years since I revealed that know about his affairs, finally brave and strong enough to take the step away, needed to proof to myself, over and over again, that I was not wrong about my diagnosis. They love one thing and one thing o ly - themselves, get out rather sooner than later, because the kids also gets the brunt of it...

"You are not to them what you think you are." - this helps so much; I now realise I am not, to my younger brother, the best elder brother I have always tried to be. After years of accepting & making excuses on his behalf, and finding excuses for his behaviour when he upset my parents or me, his last episode has finally made me see the light - he has serious issues. And I need to pull back. It's terribly sad to accept that we'll never have the brotherly love I always strived for. But now, finally, I can let the healing begin. Thank you so much for this video. ❤️💪🏼

I’ve been following Richard for over 4 years. He’s led me out of the darkness and into the light, after I was raised in a horribly abusive Narcissistic household, then married an abusive Narcissist. Thank God, I have broken free of Narcissism and am able to now have a glorious, normal and happy life.

Richard, I have watched SO many things on narcissism and this has been so perfectly put together, so thank you. I have only come across you recently. God Bless x

A huge thank-you for the content in this video! You make this issue very clear and you are not only right about the importance to test his/her behaviour, you are also very bright in your explanation about the own values and not letting a narcissist lead your life!

I lived with a covert vulnerable narcissist for 27 years. I have only just realised he is a narcissist. I kept all his emails, divorce papers, texts etc . I found them and started reading them again. OMG I get it now! Richard your work is priceless! Thank you soooo soooo much. If I said no to my vulnerable narc or disagreed with him he would laugh at me, ridicule me and tell me I was mentally deranged and beyond hope. He never showed any overt anger.

Truth, justice, freedom, bravery, peace.

In the middle of my workout while watching this video...while crying harder than I have since my brother was killed on a machine that I built for him, my crying was triggered by the fact that everything scored a positive of the tests and your advise being 150% true...I did more reps than I've ever been capable but now it's time to go back to therapy and for me to consciously except what has happened and that the family and woman I gave my whole heart to....never existed and I have to let go of the fairytale I've been hypnotized by...thank you bro😢😭

Yes the waiting..... everything. Screaming, humiliation, tearing you apart if you don't so you're too scared not to. So many years of that

"Let your hope die" is the most freeing sentence I've heard this year. I felt her dying for some time now, but I was afraid of what I realized a long time ago. I just didn't want to admit to it. It's time to let go and face my fears. Thank you.

"If you have to let them lead you have to let them lead as little as possible. Take as much control in your life. Because they'll put you in a receptive position they'll cause you to wait they'll cause to feel like you have to wait for them to make the decisions. Don't. YOU move your own life forward now" taking this to heart.

This really helps me to decide that it’s time to face the fact that I need to carve out the boundary with my son. As a mother who has been in this situation for more than 15 years, it’s so very difficult because you not only don’t want to give up hope that your son CAN get better. But you also don’t want to face the fact that, somehow, you’ve raised a narcissist. This second part is just so soul-crushing. Thank you for telling me that I must grief. Because I have probably been grieving for years and now I can finally acknowledged who he is and what I should be doing. Really appreciate your genuine delivery and content❤. I am hopeful for a new way of being his mother - by detaching and letting him grow on his own.

I've never had such hard-to-hear info spoken or explained with such compassion and kindness. You are an AMAZING person, Mr. Grannon!

The hardest most painful aspect of this for me is that I loved these men who looked at me as a thing, an object, a faceless servant. Extreme entitlement and manipulation, lying, is what they all had in common.

i left the "dead soul" with NPD 5 years ago. I used it as a stepping stone to set tough boundaries. To be consistent with own values, this scheme can be applied to anyone even without disorders.

I’m working my way through all of these videos, I’ve had my eyes opened and the penny has dropped, I learned so much, you are an incredible teacher and I’m utilising all of the information to keep my defence shield up, I am no longer being the kicked dog! Thank you ❤

Patterns of behavior that never change. Some toxic - some very passive aggressive ( true covert ) made me look further. I had one of each. Toxic - I started saying no to everything & the covert - I started mirroring. One raged & the other got severely agitated & both started stonewalling me. Needless to say I no longer engage with either one. One was family member the other a friend. I took the lead !

With regard to saying "no", my personal experience has been with an extremely passive-aggressive Narcissist. She was actually my foster daughter, age 17 and was ticking all of the boxes. It was so difficult to see at first as she actually appears humble, quiet and fragile and is never visibly disagreeable. What I would find later was that the "no" resulted in passive-aggressive revenge: hurting my dog, letting the dog's lead go in the middle of heavy traffic, breaking my laptop screen and countless phone screens and eventually, she actually wiped her bum on my facecloth and urinated on my toothbrush. Her revenge was served cold as she would give no indication of being upset about the "no" - but then bide her time for revenge. Because of this it was extremely confusing and took a long time to identify. When I finally ended the placement (after she did this to me over and over again) she made false allegations and even though she has a documented history of making false allegations, professionals believed her and painted me as the evil foster parent who had no understanding that these young people come with issues. It felt so unfair but unfortunately it's pretty typical - you get a second punch in the gut later when they trash talk you to everyone who will listen. Either way, I have my life and my sanity back, my home is filled with peace and my dog is happy.

Am a 67 year old man and I’ve been dealing with someone like this for 24 years now with a 16 year old boy in the middle and hopefully near the end of a financially devastating divorce. The good parts are that with only calmness and the help of a recording device (certainly not family counseling) the boy and I were able to stay in our home until the place sold. People in the Cluster B spectrum are evil 😈 and this one could put on quite a show. Out of 6 different counselors, only 2 were quick enough to catch the games and they “didn’t know a damn thing” so back to square one. The Merry go Round will never stop until you pull the plug. When you love someone, it’s unbelievable how much punishment you will endure. The hardest part is realizing it wasn’t love with them. Still my biggest concern is my son who also endured being beaten down with emotional abuse and is still struggling (thanks to court ordered counseling) with setting boundaries. Be brave. Even if you lost the battle, you can win the war. The cost of Freedom has never been too great and that will never change.

One of the best videos I’ve seen on dealing with a narcissist. I especially liked the listing of values and not letting them lead. In a nutshell, they are all the main tools anyone needs. Thanks for your great help 🎉😊

I feel you truly know what I’m going through. Thank you for giving me directions that I can use as a road map.

Richard I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown not long ago because of my events entirely out of my control and I was scared. I was able to log back in and listen to your audios and I thank God♥️♥️♥️♥️ As difficult as any of us may be I hope you know how much you help so many in ways you and others could truly never know 🙏🏼

My mother had NPD. I discovered it 7 years ago, I was 52 at the time. Until that moment I lived like Helen Keller, lost in darkness, not understanding anything. Poisoned.I had a few friendships and relationships with narcs. A life of pain. I inflicted pain too because of it. She died this year , I had no more contact. But being the scapegoat I have been rejected , denied, disowned by father & brother. The healing is long and hard. I owe you for my progress, and to Sam, and a couple more. Thank you so much.

Richard, you call it like it is, no sugar-coating. Having the courage/inner drive to stick to our right values, and to stop looking at the "sunny" side of the darkness that does not exist - ie, facing reality - is the only way forward. Keep up your work.

As painful as this realization and path ahead, now is I thank you for your compassionate and honest way of delivering this advice ❣️

At an absolute crossroads with these narcs. I've made up my mind to go no contact, but first I must survive a week with them. Using all I can from 20 years of therapy and figuring myself out, all I keep hearing in my mind is "Abandon sincerity with the insincere," this is my mantra. I've had a taste of freedom and living my life without anyone controlling it, and I'm addicted. Thanks Richard for years of verbal drills, I think it's really helping!

I needed to listen to this again today! “Don’t let them lead” every time you wait for a communication etc!!!❤❤❤🙏🏼💔♥️

Most powerful video I have watched so far on why it is vital to get free, and how to navigate that process successfully. Every thought I had after each piece of information, he immediately addressed. No matter your loving, good intentions, continuing to hope for change, will make you sick mentally, emotionally and physically. I am truly fearful to leave, but more terrified to continue in this confusing lonely hell. Thank you for your clarity and wisdom!

Brutal honesty but that's what we need to heal & thrive ... Thanks, man !

Been listening to you since 2019...i've learned so much ....i'm no contact with the ex and life is good 😁

Dear Richard - Thank you for this advice. I want to say that I’m tired of hearing you repeat yourself : but then I look at my life situations and realize - how I probably need to be reminded every 3- 5 days for the rest of my life. 🤔☺️👀 Many thanks Richard - for being steadfast & repetitive. And I mean that with full respect & sincerity. Your friend - in NYC. ☕️

I love your honest and upfront truth that you convey these messages with, but then you provide strategies to heal all wrapped into a delivery that is sincere and non threatening whilst again conveying harsh truth. This is a gift and thank you for giving it!

Richard, all of your videos are great but this one in particular has been most helpful. Your description of values vs. anti-values in particular. Spot on.

I found the answers after a 22 year entanglement with a narcissist. I sometimes think ive watched every video and read every article on how best to deal with this awful situation. Im very much closer to the other side at this point. This video, in my opinion is far and away the best I've watched. Richard's points and suggestions are 100% spot on. Having lived through the torture and recovery i can say for sure this video says it all in a nutshell. Take your power back! Well done Richard. Youve been a huge help to me. Thank uou!

I spent 5 years searching for videos about "how to work with a micromanager", "toxic boss", etc. And then KZfaq's algorithm recommended videos about Narcissism, and now I'm getting videos on Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder and comorbidities like Narcissism. The first things I noticed were the aloof entitlement to overstepping boundaries, micromanagement, being critical of work to the point that causes systemic inefficiency, and blame-shifting those inefficiencies to clients and colleagues. Examples in include calling me in class to criticize me for not granularly checking in before and after every class even though the class was approved by him and at the exact same time every day, taking a laptop stand out of my hands to show me how to adjust it properly, looking over my shoulder as I was focused in deep work to tell me I'm doing things wrong, and not delegating projects to me until they are over a year old and the client is all but begging, and then blaming everyone but themselves for not completing the project faster. What it makes me do? I learned about Grey Rocking and put as much distance between me and them as possible. I benignly say "Ok", "Sounds Good", "Understood" to basically everything and I never ask questions because it seems to upset them. I play dumb. I make boring excuses to travel separately, lunch separately, hotel separately, etc. I try to stop ruminating on any of it, and focus my energy on what I know is the right thing to do for my job and my life, like getting back in school and keeping it secret. I am in therapy, on meds, applying for other jobs, and secretly living my productively enjoyable life again. I don't mirror them. Most of what they have is OCPD and the narcissism is part of their coping mechanism. I don't care about them. My motto right now is Churn & Earn... to just get shit done, and turn it off at 5pm and get on with life. Save money, eat healthy, get exercise, love life, and leave them to their own suffering.

Your words are so true and they are helping me and, undoubtedly, so many people. I will listen to them everyday as guidance to keep me strong and true to myself. Thank you ❤

Very helpful overview of how testing them works. I really liked the part about not letting them lead once they test positive; it so happens that I have already come to this conclusion, and your words validated it. Everything you have said really resonated with me and put a finer point on many of the issues narcissists throw at us.