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You stay with the narcissist not because you are moral, conscientious, kind, empathic, caring, loving, accepting, non-judgmental, and supportive.
You stay with him for selfish reasons, because he caters to your needs, some of which are:
You are narcissistic and love to behold yourself idealized through his gaze
You need to be needed
Victimhood makes you feel good, you like to be a victim (self-destructive and self-harming, masochistic, or entitled)
Virtue signalling
You control the narcissist from the bottom with your feigned helplessness, clinging neediness, and emotional blackmail
You are a gold digger
You can have other men
You feel superior to him (pity him)
You feel safe with him: even the abuse is predictable and he is always confident and authoritative
He is a parental figure
You have no other preferrable alternative
The codependent believes that her neediness and helplessness guarantee her partner’s presence in her life and interest in her wellbeing.
There are 2 ways to keep the narcissist tethered to you and addicted to the shared fantasy:
1. Tell him how great and unique he is; or
2. Tell him how needed and indispensable he is.
The narcissist fears your personal autonomy and agency and disdains your dependency and emotionality.
There is no winning strategy with the narcissist.
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