I wonder how many people are here because of my ex.

The mixed signals, push and pull dynamic will put you in a state where your needs always come last.

I am not going to say anything revolutionary here but, spending any amount of time with a borderline (male in my case) is nothing short of a soul-crushing experience. I hope and pray I will never again experience such a train wreck of a situation in this lifetime. He changed me and my view of people and relationships forever.

I was married to someone with borderline personality disorder (BPD), and it was incredibly challenging. When you're in a relationship with a BPD partner, it's hard to find a moment to reflect on what's happening. I highly recommend anyone in a similar situation to seek counseling for themselves, as there’s little you can do to change them. I spent three years trying to save our marriage, losing my peace in the process. Even though I spoke about our issues with her parents, I never revealed anything to my own family because the situation was beyond acceptable for most people. I held everything in for a year and even resigned from my job. We are now separated, and I finally feel at peace. I hold no grudges and wish everyone a peaceful life.

Dating one for six months was the biggest roller coaster of my life. Threats of withholding sex, intimacy, one day you’re in heaven and the next you are ‘using’ them. It was an experience I never want to live again.

The fact that its not even a conscious decision to test the limits/loyalty may be the saddest part.

I was diagnosed with BPD, I have been stable for seven years. I have been upset but not like I used to. I have learned to self-regulate. I no longer feel scared or upset at the thought of my partner leaving me.

I have BPD I watch and read things all the time to try n get control of this and the accuracy of the things you are saying made me tear up. The "save me from myself". 😮‍💨

I am very damaged from my BPD girlfriend. I do not want another relationship for a long time. My ability to trust has been destroyed - which may ultimately be a good thing since I think I trust a little too much and too quickly anways. My advice to anyone dating a BPD: get out now. It is a roller coaster of misery, frustration, and pain. I don't care if they are getting "treated," leave and find someone who you don't have to "fix." I absolutely hate my ex with every fiber of my being. She is evil and I will never be the same. No person on this Earth has ever been as awful to me as that woman. RUN

I just came out of a 16 year on and off relationship with a diagnosed severe borderline male. We broke up and stopped speaking less than a month ago, as yet again his fear of engulfment caused him feel that "no matter how much he loved me, he could not be in a relationship as he felt suffocated and smothered." In just two weeks after we stopped speaking, he "fell in love" with someone else, yet again, and is in another relationship. This man destroyed my life in ways that I cannot even begin to explain. It is as though my soul has been skinned alive. They will parasite off of you in ways you never knew were even possible. Yes it will all start off like a damn fairy tale, but it will not last, it is hell waiting to errupt. They simply use up all your love in order to validate their distorted sense of self, or rather, their lack of self, by constantly draining you for attention. Once you give too much, the fear of engulfment will take over, causing them to run. Soon after they will find their next victim, if they hadn't already.

The borderline has no middle ground, it's a fuckin nightmare, especially when they lie to your face

Hands down the best description of a borderline I've ever heard. Sam, the work you provide for others gives , identification , a feeling a understanding and .. Well.... Just, thank thank you.

As diagnosed bpd, reading most of the comments here. I truly understand why a lot of partners need to detach. you don’t deserve living w/ someone having negative volatile and unstable behaviour. even if it’s almost impossible to control the splitting of our emotion, it is not an excuse to hurt people and we are very aware of that. 😔

A loyalty test is spot on! The absurdity of testing your loyalty by expressing disloyal behaviour is real. I started ignoring her because it would be a neverending story, and I need to heal myself.

You blink twice and the borderline sees abandonment and rejection 😅

39 year marriage . 5 kids / 4 grandkids . Finally gained courage to walk away . Must he the most codependent guy on earth . It never changes . It never improves . Just a sad story of 2 young lovers

Finally someone who understands and explains my borderline relationship... Wow blown my mind....

WOW!!! That is the last 14 years of my life with a Borderline husband. I sent a text saying I need to get off this rollercoaster to save myself. Cheated on 2x, verbally abusive, drugs, alcohol, threat of suicide. He finally moved out and I'm doing as little contact as possible. Worst part, I dragged my biological kids into the mix. I hate what it did to them. I'm so sad for what I thought we had all these years but I knew something wasn't quite right. After putting him in rehab in 2019 he was officially diagnosed with Bipolar 2 AND BPD. I wish I had seen this video years ago.

All that money exchange with failed results and all I had to do to understand what was happening was to watch a ten minute video. Wow. Thank you for your work Dr, Vaknin.

Professor, every word you said it was every piece of her image. You gave me the last piece of clarity that completed my puzzle of dots connection

Everything you said is perfectly spot on with every point that I have gone through with my BPD spouse. Like you said, it is a lose/lose situation for someone that is in a relationship with a BPD. I finally learned this is the case after 15 years. It has gone full circle and I am now actively legally separating from her, and will soon thereafter divorce her. It has been one hell of a rollercoaster, and the cart I rode in was made of eggshells. My sanity and physical health has been depleted to such an extent I have nothing left to give to my personal happiness, let alone the relationship. I am looking forward to a day when I am no longer riding that rollercoaster of BPD drama.

This guy is incredible! Had me on the edge of my seat. Best description of an intimate relationship with a borderline that I've ever heard or read. Mine ostensibly ended 30 years ago, but it's not over, it occupies my mind for hours each and every day. In that end phase, she stated cheating on me with a teenager (we were around 32 - 33) and had him ram my car at a high rate of speed with his pickup truck. I understand this action more now after hearing this talk. She sometimes calls herself "the bad seed". We had a child together, so perhaps that helped chain us together.

My borderline wife is a pyscho. She was able to turn everyone I know and love against me. These people are dangerous.. I recommend to run if you see or know if they have been diagnosed

Wife went off of her prozac without any guidance or supervision. Weeks later took a protective order out against me. Filed for divorce. Told everyone who will listen I was abusive for 14 years. Almost 4 months went by before she asked me to meet. Told me when we met that I wanted the divorce that she filed for.... splitting, discard, hoovering, projection.... I just miss my dogs and home and wife tbh. Merry Christmas everyone.

The vortex I got sucked into being the FP of a Borderline was one of the most harrowing experiences of my life, it required police intervention and court orders to finally keep her away. No contact now 4 months and my life has completely changed and I feel great again. When a BPD woman tells you of this diagnosis my only advice is run as fast as possible. Like Sam said , intense ups and great sex but CRAZY lows and insane fights with extreme violence. Be wary

Thanks professor Vaknin, your videos make me realise that I'm not crazy and that I see the things that happened in my relationship with my ex girlfriend correctly. It was an intense relationship and it only lasted a year but thkse breakdowns and fights were really heavy. At one point we had fights almost every night (with fights I mean that she would scream, cry and sometimes hit me while I did everything I could to stay calm and tell her how much I love her). After we broke up she met a guy within 3 weeks and after 2 months they were together. She sometimes tries to make contact with me and that is really difficult because I really hoped that she would find peace and a really happy relationship. I don't think that she will find a happy relationship as long as she doesn't actively engage in therapy.

Being a person with BPD listening to all this and reading all this is very intriguing. All it has taken for me to start healing is realising that I have a problem, and am honest in my relationships and tell them i have a flawed thinking pattern. I used DBT strategies from "stronger than bpd" book to handle my highs and lows. And i firmly believe that life is going to be better. And all the BPDs getting upset here listen: as BPDs they will only highlight your flaws. Remember your high intelligence, beauty, and passion and use it to good. And practice handling bad stuff, not only will you be able to handle things better as you practice more, ageing does also make it easier.

The worst thing of being in a relationship with a borderline, is when you don't know they are, they are not diagnosed, now that I know it makes the whole difference, thank you so much for sharing all this info, he is an ex now, thanks God

Having been with someone who had BPD this is all accurate and I hope anyone who is in a relationship with someone who has BPD gets out. YOU CANNOT FIX THEM, no matter what your conscience tells you, it CANNOT happen

You've gotta love Prof Sam Vaknin. It's not just the lyrical choice of words and expression that sink into your heart, but of all the hundreds (maybe not that many) of videos I've watched on doctors speaking about these topics, this is the first where they are sipping on a glass of red while at the same time so accurately and perceptively describing some of the most painful and traumatic problems people are facing in relationships. Awesome video! Thank you!

I'm never putting myself through anything like this again. It's not worth it.

This couldn't come at a better time. My therapist is convinced my ex has BPD. And she definitely shows the traits, is on mood stabilizers and an antidepressant. Anyway after spending time and effort being insulting cruel and mean to get me to get out of her life, she called me at 5 am this morning over and over again and cried when I answered. She literally only ever considers her wants and needs and never mine. I don't need that shit anymore. Like really, you can't send a text saying you're sorry??? Is it that difficult to do? These people have zero accountability and NEVER apologize.

I’m waking up from the matrix of borderline/narcissistic parents. My whole life I’ve been trying to either save them from themselves or save them from others. I tried to give myself multiple personalities as a child. I am living with my Dad after having a psychotic/amnesia break when I realized I had no idea how to create a healthy life and was surrounded by borderlines and narcissists with no concept of any self efficacy or self compassion. My Mom was exactly what you are talking about. She got my Dad to borrow 1.5 million against my inheritance and kept me from ever working or knowing about how to live in the world. I am on my 15th try to break free of my family. I do have no memories and have depersonalization. I have lived in terror, not understanding after every treatment center I tried for healing I ended up back home to be retraumatized and go into freeze mode or caretaker mode. I was mistakenly terrified of myself and the world, I never even wondered if my parents were okay or not. I only knew their behavior and had no concept that other people were not like them or that I was safe to be in the world. I am hoping with google and learning everything I wasn’t allowed to know while growing up. I have been gaslight, controlled and terrified my whole life and always “the problem”. I don’t enjoy my narcissistic family or their control and neediness. I’m hoping this time I can learn how to live in reality, as my Dad has no grasp of it.

That was the spookiest rendition of the last three and a half years of my life I could have possibly contrived in the heat of some prophetic fever dream producing my soul's magnum opus. Thank you sir, for your participation and familiarity with the masks and the modes of this round of dances.

My ex would constantly pull away from me and blame me for abandoning her. It started with her losing it when she told me she had just broke it off with someone else early into the dating process and I told her I was talking to girls on dating apps but not going on dates. She constantly accused me of still being in love with my ex gf who I had dumped and not talked to in over a year. We once had a debate about something frivolous and she decided to call an uber and ditch me at the bar and told me we were just friends. So when I walked away back to my car without her she told me "I abandoned her on the street". When I told her that I watched porn from time to time she said I had cheated on her in my head for the entirety of our relationship and broke it off with me. Meanwhile looking back I now know that she had been sleeping with a guy she told me was just a friend. She continued to hoover me for 5 more months and lied to me about seeing someone else. Worst experience of my life.

Really says something about me for staying as long as I did. Thank you for these videos, I really wish I’d found them sooner. looking forward to getting back to myself.

Maaan this was such an enlightening talk!! This explains everything with my ex and alllows me to move on!! You are the maaaan!!

Losing the BPD IS the win!

Prof Sam Vaknin you are a genius, really appreciate your wisdom. You have a great way of explaining things, crazy how accurate you described my last relationship with a borderline where I am grateful everyday for having escaped and made me have a renewed lease on life. Chag Sameach

It's kind of ironic. It's their child like, eyes wide, fun loving attributes that suck you in initially. Then, you realize that it never stops. At first, it makes you feel full of life and takes you back, but it never turns off for them. You then become the parent and it's not so fun anymore. "Where were you all night?". "Why didn't you come home?". "You booked a hotel room and went on a trip with your ex-husband to see a concert and didn't tell me?!?"... You realize how needy they are. You are then always trying to be on stage to placate them. Everything revolves around them and one day you wake up and realize that you've lost yourself and only live to keep them happy. Because if you don't keep them happy they will make you miserable. When you push back and try to set boundaries, you are evil. This is usually when they start to physically assault you or, in my case, start punching you in the face. They call the police on you when you never struck back and simply tried to leave. It will only escalate with these types. I know it's hard to leave, but please, please, listen to your gut and listen to Sam, he knows what he's talking about. They will only gaslight and rewrite history. EVERYTHING will be your fault. You can never please these people. Also, don't fall for the hoover. I've been hoovered. She told me her new boyfriend is "perfect" and then talked about us getting back together one day and said how she wanted to "snuggle" with me one last time. I was disgusted. She did the same thing to me. That call (1 of 3 calls) is her cheating on her current BF, the same she did with me. They NEVER change. Find your strength and RUN away!

Man after 20 years of marriage all been said and done... I'm breaking free of the trauma bond with her 😢

My wife was a wacko. Borderline is wacko. My wife was a wacko borderline. I had to sleep in a room with a 2×4 holding the door safely shut just to feel safe enough to sleep. Developed stomach problems and such from stress. On our wedding day she said "now that we are married, I can be myself." She said "yer gonna need this" and handed me the book called " walking on eggshells". Pure hell. Run people run! True story.

These are the last days with my BD-gf. We ended the relationship two months ago. She is packing her stuff and will leave this week. I am so tierd and will need a long time to heal, i should have ended it after the first phase.. now i know, never again. Soon i will be free of her repetition compulsion, switching and irrational behavior. It is SHE who is the bad object, corrupt, unworthy and unlovable.

You just described my 20 year marriage with my ex; once I finally left her, she spiralled out of control, and is now facing life in prison.

My Mom would say she didn’t say what she said, then I’d run after her to make sure she was okay and she would be smirking in her bed reading a book.I got so many calls of her freaking out that everyone hated her or to remind me that I was horrible and needed to be more loving towhichever abusive boyfriend that I had been entrapped into. I could never save her, I have decided I do not want to die for my Dad. She did and I’m so over his neediness and keeping me hostage for 3 years, while I got him through two emergency surgeries for his back that he caused. I was always the scapegoat yet this time I was helped to become aware of what gaslighting is and how badly I was being treated. The biggest thing my therapist taught me was that other people are not all like this. I had no idea as I was never allowed my own friends, boundaries or any self efficacy or skills. I would really like stability but am afraid of my abandonment melange and ptsd. I at least understand the flashbacks and how I could grow up with no sense of safety in being good at things. If I ever got any love or affection both my parents would have to harm me or give away my pets or my favorite things.

I once had a borderline girlfriend, and it ended after mere three months. She was a classic borderline, a handbook case, a real nuthead, but looking back on it she didn`t hurt me deeply. I think about her with amusement now, more than with any other sentiment. The reason being, I think, that even during the honemoon period the overall experience was a little below my expectations. She didn`t manage to get me addicted to her. There was always this feeling at the back of my head that it wasn`t good enough for me.

nobody could have said all these better! such an accurate description! you said it all exactly as it truly is! im speachless. thank you!

I have text messages from my ex that are almost word for word exact what Sam says they say… it’s freaking crazy!

I have suffered from BPD undiagnosed for so long and miraculously have been able to improve myself a lot partly due to facing the consequences of my actions and partly due to having something in me that wants to be better than this. But it's still so hard I'm finally learning how to be less clingy and dependent on people but this seems to have made self harming behaviors and thoughts worse for me. Hoping to get help soon.

Fully convinced my ex has BPD. He would call me like 10 times a day for no particular reason. If I didn't respond to him right away, he would start acting like I didn't care about him. He would say things like "Thank you for showing me my worth." He didn't like that I was an independent woman with my own life and my own friends. He sarcastically told me to focus on my goals, friends, work, "individual life" like it was a bad thing. He wanted to be the center of my life. Would get mad when he tried talking to me and I was absorbed in my work. If I ever was in a not-chatty mood he always assumed something was wrong or would ask me what was on my mind. Wanted to know how I was feeling and what I was thinking every moment of the day even when I told him I was just tired or bored or lazy. He would break up with me and then beg for me back as if I was the one that ended the relationship. Constantly would push me away and then when he felt like I really was about to leave or be done with him, he would apologize profusely and try to make it up to me. It was a rollercoaster ride and we only dated for 6 months.

That's so sad. We broke up (she dumped me actually without any clear reason) after 4 months and since I know shes got diagnosed bpd I feel so, so, sorrry for her. So much sorry. One, because she cannot control herself and does stupid things (thus losing her life). Two, because I'm aware of that, yet cannot help her. So sad.

This is the story of my life. This is my reality on a daily basis. I am married to this woman being described. The pain is unbearable. Thank you prof. for making a sense out of this relationship conundrum.

I think I was rejected by a Borderline Woman in November after intensive contact for the whole year (she knew how I felt). Tried friendship after that, now feel like being worthless for her. Can be happy If she even answers anymore. From one day to another I wasnt interesting anymore. Everything was fake. A year of emotions for NOTHING.

I am a diagnosed covert NPD who is in therapy for 3 years. At the beginning of this year, I entered a relationship with a BPD woman, also in therapy for years. Everything Sam Vaknin said in this video is absolutely true. It is a hellish and soul-crushing cycle and I do not see a way out. Every time she leaves I am stubbornly lingering on that thin line between life and suicide. In all honesty, I feel this will end very badly as I suspect that my NPD is the only thing keeping me alive after every one of her many abandonments.

Ok, finally feeling good about my bpd breaking up with me out of the blue last night (and already moved on weeks ago). Just figured it out this morning. This disorder (and the fact that he doesn't even know he has it or is curious to look) is still, so unbelievably draining on top of the breakup, itself. Like a horror film.

So in other words, these people are crazy.

This meshes 100% with what I've experienced from someone. I thought it was a crazy unique situation

Thank you, rationalizing always helps me a lot, and this analysis is so sharp and understandable. The thing is, I got deeply involved in her and her emotional world, fell in love, and at times became co-dependent. This has left me with a personal split afterward, tinted something: a contradiction in my own rational thinking, which simply finds many of her actions disturbing, at best selfish or rude (lies, manipulation, egocentrism, constant victimhood, etc.), but i feel her soul is pure and joy also. Now these conflicting feelings remain, wanting nothing to do with her anymore and yet still feeling absurdly close emotionally with memories of fun and vitality. Bringing these thoughts and feelings into harmony requires a lot of energy and patience. The answer is simple: one is not responsible for this person like for one's child and also has no power and usually no opportunity to truly help them, but it takes enormous strength to remain consistent with oneself and not let go of this truth in any contacts or emerging thoughts. And simply accepting the experience in all its shades without wanting to repeat it, one doesn't even have to classify it as black or white, as the Borderliners themselves do. I don't even know, if the challenge is ok to dive in and life another chapter with other circumstances. They are fascinating, aren't they? (and inmy case she was no extreme type of acting out, but the rollecoaster was fast my friends) How did Patti Smith sing it? "People have the power!" So don't be afraid of your pain, accept it or get over them, we all can do it.

26:50 "Now I know that you truly love me" but you forgot to add, that when this realization happens, they leave you again brutally in limbo because they now know they can comeback whenever they please. Then they re-approach you again to soothe their anxieties then leave you again and the cycle repeats over and over again until one of you dies or you (the codependent) chooses to stop it. My exBPD actually said when she was devaluing and starting to split, that she didn't want to start "the cycle". I had no clue what she meant at the time but she was referring to this. And yes, it did begin some months after the discard. She's hoovered me dozens of times but I chose to walk away.

That's how my past partners wanted me to be and it was so weird every time it became obvious. I needed my own self to be an able person separate from them while accepting them for who they were. While we each should be that secure base from the hardships in the world, as a home is a place of security, and reassurance in the form of reminders that other possibilities exist after the hardships the world brings -their extreme intentional efforts were obvious to me that they wanted to bring me to an emotional, mental, physical low-point for their own satisfaction, which I retaliated and was the reason I left them without question or hesitation.

Its almost scary how accurate this was.... great job portraying this crazy making dynamic

12yrs and 2 children later i had no choice but to boot her out before bad things happened,watched her self destruct with the endless scum passing through her ,life,lots of damage to the kids,they just do not care ,if you do not have kids get out now before she destroys you.

"Are you okay?:Are you sure you're okay? You seem upset, are you sure you're okay? What is wrong?Something's wrong, you seem upset. Why are you upset? You're always distant, why are you not talking to me? Why aren't you okay?", et al. Constantly failing the emotional pi$$ tests, dealing with the gaslighting, projecting, false accusations,and enmeshment attempts, it seems like narcissism is overlapping with my husband. 24 years of not knowing what this was, it's a rollercoaster ride that goes straight to hell. I just want off at this point. I cannot accept this any longer

Spent four long and crazy years with a narcissist, had to file a protective order, it was quite dramatic and draining. Just ended a four month relationship with a girlfriend with BPD and an opioid addiction. Everything this man is saying is accurate and true. From now on, I just want a couch, a dog, peace and tranquility. Life is good, stay safe everyone.

Oh man, this describes my sister exactly. And I've been living in this relationship pattern with her as long as I can remember. And I've observed these patterns in her marriage. She's now divorced and her life is falling apart. She can't find a job, (well, really, is refusing to look for a job due to her entitlement) and her house is about to go into forclosure. It's heartbreaking to see. And I feel helpless to help her. 😩 She is living in the destruction and chaos of her impulsive decisions as if it's normal, which I cannot understand and am unable to make her see.

I had a BPD best friend and business partner. I ended up insanely attached to her, felt totally responsible for her - at the same time she'd demonise and discard me.... Never experienced anything like it. I ended up completely hating myself and falling out with most of my friends who she turned against me with convincing lies. I'm still trying to process it. She did so many awful things, but I somehow became more and more attached to her. My whole life seemed to revolve around her, but we were not even a couple. I was somewhat attracted to her, although I never crossed that boundary because I could see how she treated men... But instead I ended up believing I was her guardian angel - then she'd randomly accuse me of abusing her which caused me to totally freak out. Then she'd accuse me of being mentally ill and having a meltdown. I ended up believing I was mentally ill. When she was being nice to me, I felt like a hero - when she accused and discarded me I felt almost suicidal. She would invite me to come and visit her then ghost me, and somehow blame me for it. I was constantly apologising when I'd done nothing wrong. I can't believe somebody could do that to me. It messed with me more than any romantic relationship I had, I can't imagine what it would be like to be in an intimate relationship with somebody like that. This video is very accurate, especially regarding the man-hating. She had a habit of flirting with much older guys, getting them to fall in love with her, then humiliating them - often making accusations. I even believed her and defended her before I knew her game - I lost so many friends. When I finally called her out, she sabotaged my business, stole my customers and told people I was abusing her. This video helps me to understand it, even though I was not her intimate partner, she still constantly did terrible things just to see if I'd still care about her. I still don't understand how I fell for it.

You are so dead on!!! My ex-bf has this and acted EXACTLY every word you said! He's in prison now for 10 yrs. People with Borderline please get DBT therapy before you act out and you end up in trouble too.

Why do I love being called a baby seal by Sam Vaknin ? This can't be healthy. 🙈 Don't stop.

Please do THE CODEPENDENT

Thank you Sam, your insights allow me to acknowledge my part & her part in a relationship with a borderline

Best description ive ever heard

being with a Borderline reminds me of the process of generating AI art: you never know what exact image you will get from the prompt 😅

This describes my mother so perfectly, thank you professor Vaknin for this high quality education

Hey Sam, have watched this one several times, at prime of my life 17-21 old, have to give up on her, everything was exactly what you said

Oh Sam, thank you, for the, uhm, Christmas poetry. I was looking forward to it. "I like the mirror, when it is you", echoes from somewhere, far away. Thank you for sharing, again, very vivid imges of the psyche. Have good Holidays, like any other days.

Thank you professor for sharing all of your great knowledge. It is such a complex subject. I wrote a few lines about my experience. Hopeless Love In a dark alleyway, you suddenly invite me into your arms, tears running down your cheeks. The intoxicating perfume that I once gave you permeates the air that surrounds us. I hesitate for a moment, as I had so many times before. But, then my inner voice of pragmatism goes quiet. Hurt was inevitable, I know it all too well by now. You say, I love him…but, yet you want me to fill in the gap for a moment, to lift you up and to alleviate your pain. The mutual fear of abandonment is an obvious reality as we choose to partake in yet another moment of intimacy. It is amazing. Our bodies find it too irresistible to stop, as they entangle in an effortless dance of ecstasy. It feels so natural, so real and so loving. It is chemistry. So rare. It is engulfing. It is libido in its essence. Or so I thought… As we fall asleep lovingly in each others arms, the daylight quickly ascends as the sun rises and reveals the facade of truth that was just to be realised. Once more.. Your kisses are no longer available, you retract into a cocoon of fear as you disentangle yourself and distance yourself. Fear of being loved, fear of being hurt, you push me away in an exceedingly hurtful way. You say, there is no love here…again..Knowing that this is not your fault, deep inside, makes it even harder to process and fathom. The fear of engulfment that you posses, is the key of what sets our love apart. The destrudo in your reality, is the antithesis of what we had just experienced together; the tender loving moment of true intimacy and true love…or so I thought; makes our love hopeless. AT

It was wild. Like years ago, with mine, she apologized for not getting back to me and I took that as her being normal or whatever and then the constant silent treatment came. Even though I’ve moved on after 3 months with someone far more like me and opposite to so many of the women I’ve chased in the past I still have questions. I was fortunate in that I had a Caribbean working vacation planned that just so happened to fall after that brutal cheating break-up and that trip helped me out a lot and then I had a cross country trip to visit family like another month after that and that helped me. I had written out this long letter I want to send to her friend that also has BPD that has also gotten the silent treatment from her to see if she who is closer to her could answer them. Part of me just wants to be heard even if it’s not by her. Part of me is looking at the good fortune I’ve had, just enjoy it and leave all that other shit behind.

Do not ovetranalize your borderline love interest - run like hell instead!

Spot on discription of what I experienced from my first wife who was diagnised as a BP.

Five years with a male Borderline. Healing two years out. Just coming around. So glad to have escaped.

BPD here. I think it's time for you to sell/design some Merch- "I Love You. I Hate You." "I Want to Kill You. Stay with Me." "Don't Leave Me. You're Dead to Me". "Get out of my Life. Stay with Me". "You are USELESS! I Need You". Hmmm...after this exercise ^ I guess this is where the textbooks get black & white thinking 🤔 😂. At this point, Seroquel is probably the reason why I am still Married. He is very supportive in that understanding how this disorder works. Daily without prompt gives me reassurance & validation which I appreciate. Also, if there's any change in his daily routine (trigger- working overtime, friends & family) he communicates very well prior & gives evidence vs springing it on me. Because of this, therapy & medication we live in a pretty constant state without extreme lows. Basically I don't act like a two year old. It's embarrassing but almost impossible to control. He seems unaffected by accommodating my feeling of security but I wonder if he hates having to do these things or if he really does it out of love. Having this disorder I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Thank you for another accurate video.

you put this so amazingly. its so hopeless. i needed to hear it.

I appreciate your sense of humor. Makes taking "the medicine" more digestible.

I am a recovering BPD. A lot of what we go through is internal once we get and understand Jesus component it gets much better. A lot of self destruct behaviors were before I met and became serious with Jesus. My dad was a abusive and have had very bad relationships. Now I am very aware of myself the hardest thing I have had to do is stay single to know and understand my attachment activating and deactivating strategies in relationships I now know my default states, I will say this it will take a lot of patience and compassion from a man but I am not in a rush I am the love of my life and embracing myself is a priority.I don’t want to hurt anyone for me is better to remain single than inflict emotional pain in another person. Thanks Professor.

I’m very happy with the self development and mental and emotional mastery I have been able to do these past couple years that have put me in a position to be able to help my significant other whiling understanding and protecting myself, not relaying into my emotions all the time is hard but the fruits have been worth it in the end, all is love

Pull push argue, hover and repeat, until the new supply in a place then discard,, then try to cycle again, I'm seriously mind blown by how these people behave in syncing way its like they went to the same class

Very insightful!

My experience is that they abandon themselves... Or split between adult logical mind, and emotional body/childself to the point of seeming like a split personality.

Gosh my wife left with our 9 month old when her aunt arrived the moment the travel ban was lifted. They were supposed to spend some time away. What I didn’t know was that her mom funded an attorney and she filed for dissolution and rather then discuss it she pushed therapy which she never did attend. Instead she used my getting therapy as a way to build a stronger case for custody and by the time I got notified thirty days later, she had already gotten the courts to award her full custody. She had no intention of co-parenting and it became very obvious by her actions as she ended up moving back to her mothers in the uk with our girl who will be two in Feb. it’s been a very difficult year, mom doesn’t even send me a photo of my baby , zero nothing , it’s beyond belief and unimaginable. Gosh. Very sad.

This isn't just a lesson on bpd, but a vocab lesson as well. The amount of words i have to look up listening to the doc 😅

My two sisters had borderline personality disorder. There was never a way to pacify them. Now that they both have passed, I feel a sense of peace and calm. Let doG take care of them now!

Impressive, and touching. Thanks, Sam.

WOW.. que manera más increíble de narrar esta dinámica… 🤯

Wow. Everything that was said, applies to my Husband. 😮 Great video!

I was diagnosed with BPD , but based on what he says here , I am misdiagnosed, yes I have most of the symptoms of BPD , but I do not act out , I do not become aggressive, I just shut down when I fear abandonment, I isolate myself, I hide my emotions, my weakness, I become even more quiet.

Holy shit it's scary how you describe the mechanics of my thinking and emotions. I don't even try to have romantic relationships anymore. I know how toxic it turns me, I don't want to traumatize anyone either.

היי שמעון וקנין .... גאון אתה פשוט גאון! תודה על התוכן המצויין. עזרת לי מאוד!!! מסביר בצורה יוצאת דופן. הכי טוב ששמעתי עד כה. השם יברך אותך תמשיך בעבודתך החשובה.

I have Borderline Personality Disorder & all I know is I wish I didn't, I hate it, I hate how I think, I hate how mean I can be, I hate being Nuts, I hate my crazy overreacting & it's relentless! I hate it so much that I wish myself death every second of the day, I hurt myself & other's all the time although I don't want to?? It's like having a Demon in control of my thoughts, feelings & actions & because of it I believe the only way to get it out of me is to kill it, unfortunately, I will have to die too as I can not separate myself from my feelings or actions :( I really, really Hate Myself & life sucks having this Disorder! 😓😩😠😭

This was difficult to hear as someone with BPD because it so perfectly describes me. I have tried so hard to change in romantic relationships & it ends up the same way again even when they give me so many chances. I don’t believe I should be in relationships because of the hurt I cause to others.

Side note. I'm learning a lot of new words with you professor 😊