Please can you tell me how to find the serenity prayer ? Or evev tell me about radical acceptance is ? I feel like that could be very helpful for me xx ❤

ever tried transference psychotherapy? look into it and anxiety exposure therapy

Serenity Prayer... Note: it begins with 'God' but you can absolutely leave that out if that doesn't work for you. 'God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The Courage to change the things I can, And the Wisdom to know the difference.'

So happy to hear that you have found coping skills that work for you. It's a difficult diagnosis and extremely hard to manage without insight.

Yes and yes. These are so important.

I agree. Both Rick and Forrest are deeply compassionate people. They also are not judgmental. God bless them.

I also suggest Doctor Daniel Fox on you tube from Texas. He is super kind and empathetic also! Cheers

You are both so wise. Thanks so much.

It’s scary being diagnosed with this hey! I’m 62 and was diagnosed in my early 50s but CBT alone hasn’t helped me. I believe that DBT is the best kind of therapy but it takes real commitment and that you have a good match with the therapists trained in delivering the program. Wishing you greater peace& groundedness as you travel down the journey of life. I believe that the bumps and potholes lessen significantly once you do your work. Love and best wishes for an enlightening supportive process 💫🌟⭐️💫

Wasting money. These vultures will keep you coming back until your broke

Agree with everything you're saying here Lena. It's always useful to house any recommendations in their context. For us, the context is that Rick is a clinician, I am not, and we're two neurotypical white guys. Even if we try to have a 'balanced' perspective that's always going to impact our thinking. BP tendencies exist on a spectrum, and we were aiming at the more "mild to moderate" end of the spectrum with our recommendations. For people who experience more clinically significant symptoms our recommendations might still be somewhat useful, but they've definitely got their limitations.

Lena that's a really insightful comment. I've also got BPD, been living with it for 30 years now and your words of guidance for partners or those who are close couldn't be more relevant. I'm nearly 50 and was pushed into seeking professional 'help' by my well intentioned but uninformed family 14 years ago. They weren't sure what was going on but they thought there was something 'wrong' with me. I didn't even live in the same country as them so my life didn't really affect them too much and they didn't have to live with my difficulties. However I respected their request and went down the long long path to assessments, and eventual diagnosis..since then I've worked so hard doing lots of therapy, group work and been dedicated to trying to understand myself and the condition as best I can so I can grow and know my triggers so I can regulate my emotions. This was initially for them, I didn't want to burden anyone or cause any problems..the inner work has been so tough and taken me much deeper than I could have ever expected. There are so many layers and I since discovered I've got ADHD, cPTSD and PMDD which make for a complex overall mental health picture. It's been so challenging to deal with at times but I've kept going despite the setbacks and obstacles. The most painful thing has been recently though where I had major surgery which caused a massive influx of chemical disturbance in my brain, where all my symptoms flared up worse than ever and I developed PTSD as a result. After getting to a reasonable level of stability for a few years, my brain went haywire and I had a total breakdown. My family abandoned me when I needed them the most, didn't want to hear about anything I'd been through and they couldn't accept how broken I was. I was so vulnerable and messed up but they were so caught up in their own lives, they were unable or unwilling to allow me the space to heal and recover and express any of the pain I was in. As far as they were concerned, I was just being a drama queen and they gaslighted me about how I was feeling. Being abandoned and unseen at such a sensitive time for me by the people I trusted the most, has been absolutely devastating for me mentally. It's as if all of the progress I made over years of arduous and painful emotional healing has been undone. Not having any emotional or social support during relapses or when things go wrong, where you are made feel like a failure or a burden and your feelings don't matter, are like having daggers stuck in your heart. If I'd had any idea I'd be in this situation all those years ago when they told me to get help, I'd have preferred to have stayed where I was. At some point in the recovery process, your family and close friends will be faced with some aspects involving them where they will be forced to look at aspects of their own shadows. BPD doesn't just involve the person, it's the whole family system and it's dynamics and dysfunctional aspects. I had made so much progress but was trying to communicate some things in the hope of bringing healing to my family....but they would prefer to maintain the narrative where I'm the broken one, so I have to deal with all the problems myself and they don't want any part of it. It doesn't work that way so families should really consider what they are asking of a loved one when they tell them to get help. My family would rather take a chance that I might be successful with suicide attempt one day than actually talk about anything that might save my life but make them a bit uncomfortable.

@@ForrestHanson would you consider doing one on CPTSD which looks a lot like BPD or co-exists with it. Somehow I knew by 12 yrs old I wasn't developing normally so I sought therapy by age 18 in college. I had abandoned issues because love was transactional in my parents. I had some tendencies but I believe it is CPTSD, I've lived a very stable life for decades. Thanks!!!! Excellent videos.

Thank you for sharing Lena. It definitely offered me some insight into what it's like on the other side by those affected by BPD. I am a victim of another cluster B personality disorder: narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) There seems to be similarities with BPD, but they are separate (one can also have both I'm told) And both certainly have a component of childhood trauma. I've been trying my hardest to understand these disorders and why people with them behave the way they do. In my situation the narc is my sibling. We both grew up in the same neglected violent home, but turned out very different. I am more codependent/people pleasing; she became more self serving and narcissistic. It has caused a huge rift in our relationship as I work to overcome my struggles in therapy. She has been so cold and hurtful, so of course I understand the hatred coming from victims or the nonchalance coming from neurotypical people. But i am not without empathy for those suffering from the disorder. But obviously the nature of these cluster B disorders makes it difficult to offer any real support. A sad irony. I have no easy answer for you. Please continue to seek therapy to get to a place of healing and awareness of BPD. And continue to empathize and understand victims also. I think, for both sides, this is the best way to heal this together

Do DBT❤

We've got much in common I'm starting therapy this month I'm 56 a half a century of hell on earth hoping to change that

@@Southside_Slim That's awesome! You got this!

🎉❤😊

Thank you so much for sharing. Your story sounds very similar to mine. I appreciate everything you said and am inspired. Sometimes I get so discouraged doing this healing & transformation work that I want to give up. I think I'm going to attempt to do the work on myself with more self compassion and empathy from now on and I feel that will help, instead of chronically beating myself up for being so defective and feeling that I "should be" further along on my journey & less messed up by now. I'm realizing how very negative my internal mental dialogue has always been, which invariably leads to me wanting to quit everything & self sabotage & go into victim mode & self loathing. Again, thanks for your encouraging words!!❤

Thank you for your words, truly inspirational. God bless you

Thanks for sharing.i need to hear from someone else who is going through this

I went through something very much like this.

Paige, my heart goes out to you. My mother was very similar, and even after being out on my own for over 20 years, the scars from that relationship are still present. It sounds like you're still very early in your healing journey, but I wish you so much peace and joy as you get to start your new life.

I have a few videos on my page that displays his rage. It's insane what goes on behind closed doors. No one saw this side of him and it makes everything so difficult. His rage was so bad. He made mountains out of mole hills and didn't do anything to help situations. When I would step in he would tell me to stay the F out of it. These people are insidious.

He realizes all of it, but believe it or not, he doesn’t care. He does not value anyone high enough to put their needs on his radar. He is a sick person and your children need to get away from this ASAP.

Yesss!!

I think that Nedra Tawwab's work has a lot of the specifics you're looking for. www.nedratawwab.com/

This was very much felt. 💙

Do WE EVER!! The grief can just take ya down. Fight the good fight, guys, as best you can. NO ONE is worth ruining our lives, or dying, over. I finally 'get it''!!

You may want to also try Patrick Teahan and Jerry Wise. Wishing you the best.

The Crappy Childhood Fairy, Lisa A Romano, I don't appreciate her these days, for some reason, but many swear by Dr Ramani. Emma McAdams and her Therapy in a Nutshell channel. Batel Skater If You focus is on Spiritual Maturation and don't mind intense without sugar coating in a New York Kinda way, she's your gal! Let us know what you discover 😻

Yep. U need to distance. Start working on yourself. Get therapy for childhood trauma and codependency It ain’t going to change man. And you know that deep down. What you’re doing is rescuer role sacrificing yourself and gosh don’t give out medals to martyrs…. Start eating healthier. Workout. Sleep somewhere else if you need. Get hobbies. These all help with well-being and clear it but you need therapy man. You’d done this too long.. Wishing you well

the violence isnt part of BPD I dont think. With me BPD is depression and huge fear of rejection and lonliness and not fitting in and thinking the worst is about to happen like every second. I have issues controlling my emotions but I am not violent. I can be violent if someone wants to physically attack me. I am a former USMC Combat Zone Veteran. But I don't think BPD ever caused me to get violent with another person.

@@jamezbrian4135 not all people with bpd are violent but many can be. They may not start out that way. Depends on how severe their bpd and if they take responsibility for their actions or if they instead always blame everyone else.

Wow you must be an extremely tolerant, caring, and loving person. My ex had become physically violent less than two years into the relationship and I had to end it. I can’t tolerate that. I tell others that no one should tolerate physical violence but if you love her that much it’s your choice. I still believe I should have left even earlier when the mental and emotional abuse started. The gaslighting, the paranoid delusions, the threats, the mind games, etc. I never should have put up with that although I did love and care for her deeply. She had no problem leaving me in an instant if I did something so innocent and innocuous, so why should I have dealt with things that were actually bad from her? I can’t deal with someone incapable of true love. Who can act like you’re the greatest human being whom they love deeply one day and then hate you the next and can toss you away forever without so much as goodbye. The saddest part of all is we had a son which she gave up for adoption even though she at first said she wanted a child. That devastated me. I walked away a month before he was born and tried to fight the adoption and take my son to raise myself. She wasn’t having it. I spent a lot of money on lawyers, did everything I was supposed to, followed all the laws. Just for the judge to deny me and terminate my rights because she claimed I couldn’t prove that I supported my ex during the pregnancy. Even though I was with her everyday, drove her everywhere, paid for everything, listened to her, was there for her emotionally physically mentally. Yet I had no way to fully prove it all to the court and I lost my baby boy. In the end I suppose it’s for the best because I know for a fact she would have ruined that child.

@@jamezbrian4135 you're right, violence is not part of the criteria for BPD. However, many people with BPD have other comorbid diagnoses and that could be where the violent behaviour stems from. I was diagnosed with BPD many years ago and I have ruined so many relationships but never ever violently. It makes me very sad when I read the comments from those who have lived with people who have BPD because I know we are difficult people to have a relationship with. I am a very difficult person, I know that. And I refuse to apologize for anything I say or do. But, I have also tried very hard over the years to work on my BPD and recognize my escalation triggers and behaviours. I am still learning to remove myself every time I am faced with a situation in order to de-escalate. I have very few relationships now and choose to live my life quietly with my pets who I get along with very well. A wise man once said, "you're only as sick as your last secret." I'm working on mine.

May God help you go on,after 74 yrs a BPD,starting in teens as defiant oppositional,it's been hell,but getting more manageable...things in life aren't nice,but there s worse😊

There's a KZfaqr called On THE Line. She has quiet BPD and does vids on it. She also has spent many years in DBT and is in a successful relationship. I just love her.

@@wendi2819 Thank you very much 😊 I'll check out the channel.

i always wondered if i had quiet bpd i don’t show my anger outwards . i have constant anxiety though .. i haven’t been diagnosed but i wonder if i have traites 😢

Borderline person is: “I hate you, don’t leave me.” Narcissist: thinks they are special. Like literally thinks they are better than most and only associate with special people.

There is a level of malice with narcissists but in bpd it's more desperation

@@AA-iy4gm Very intelligently said.

They overlap and it’s why it’s all in cluster B. Yea some are dual diagnosis but none have ever been given out. You can’t have a dual diagnosis.. A prominent researcher is trying to get Europe DSM to lump them all together , all cluster B as one diagnosis as they all have traits into another. You gotta ask yourself if you love eating shards of glass or you wanna throw in the towel. But I suggest as maybe you never went to therapy for childhood trauma / codependency which is why u attracted in the first place…

I had this conversation with my ex recently: fault and responsibility are different. The sufferer almost certainly isn't at fault -- no child deserves to be abused. But there should still be responsibility for actions. The disorder is not an excuse to unleash terror and pain on the people nearby. The loved ones need to try to help and understand while the sufferer is seeking help. But there's a reason manslaughter exists as a felony separate from intentional homicide.

Start getting therapy or read books on codependency and childhood trauma. That’s where this is all stemming from on your side. You’ll see it start to make sense the more you learn about it. But ultimately you gotta make a call. Cut the cord and free yourself or just keep wrapping yourself up in that cord choking you slowly to death. Harsh yea but that’s reality as you can tell she ain’t getting treatment. Save yourself or be a martyr. Just know god doesn’t had our medals for being one. Good luck. Painful yet freeing journey … and you’ve made it this far in life. You’ll make it to the end better then ever

I sense you're a kind person. I hope cruel comments like the first person don't discourage you. Your comment gave me hope for my relationship. So even if yours is rocky, know that you gave hope to someone else in the world.

What you shared was so insightful!!! And I really appreciate hearing your compassion, for both yourself and your wife. That takes a lot of inner strength, you've clearly done a lot of healing work! Thank you for sharing your story, it was helpful to me!❤

I just loved that comment of yours.... everything you said it's SOOOO TRUE . " Save yourself or be a martyr " 👍

Learning my human design is healing me immensely more than everything else I’ve tried. Take a look into it. Search human design! And yes we attract them to heal childhood wounds for sure. They are helpful in self discovery though it’s painful at times.

My mom did seek help when i was diagnosed 24+ years ago. It helped her tremendously. ❤❤

May I know what caused her BPD, if her parents are understanding & loving

Npd can also be best understood this way. I'm excited for the paradigm shift.

Do you suffer from lots of regret?

how that go

I second these words. I often have tears come into my eyes just witnessing how you care for this difficult material so lovingly. Your compassion and care are so, so inspiring and has helped me tremendously on my healing journey.

08

I agree... the best so far on KZfaq.😁

I agree, I found this podcast both insightful to help me understand my mother but it also supported me in being able to keep loving her too. She’s had an awful childhood and gone through a lot of suffering. She has suffered but I also need to hold loving boundaries to protect myself too. I would love to hear more on BPD from you both.

What incident that caused you to arrest yourself, I mean were you not aware about bpd that lead to hurt or an attack yourself

@@miss_8thwonder , I was not aware at that time that I had BPD. I only knew I was out of control, and I was harming myself and threatening others, and I wanted to stop. So I did the one thing that I was sure would put a stop to my actions, which worked in my favor because a neighbor had also called the police. Therefore I was accepted into Mental Health Court, which ordered an evaluation, which led to the diagnosis of BPD, which explained most of my disturbing quirks over the previous 25 years.

Bruh? You’re just hurting yourself, these relationships don’t work , these guys this father / son duo are sugar coating this disorder. Watch : 3 Stages of a Borderline by AJ Mahari . or Dr. Sam Vaknin on BPD . It’s doomed from the start .

That said, did she try getting help? I can only imagine how emotionally draining it must be.

I would end contact with my sibling with bpd if I could, but her children would pay the price for that, so I have the bare minimum contact going to be able to spend time with her Kids. But I'd really like to know if/why you're doing this. Is it love, is it something about your character or the situation that makes it possible to stay ? I'm honestly curious because I'm trying to find my own stance

My thoughts exactly. I think it is very irresponsible what they’re talking about here.

Shittt that explains the feeling like I have never heard before.. definitely hit a nerve . Thank you

Agreed, I think this is a very naive discussion on bpd, npd personality disorders. If they are talking about extremely MILD bpd then sure this may be an ok discussion because even non bpd or npd ie….”Normal” for lack of a better term, can experience the highs and lows of emotions, projecting, abandonment fears, jealousy, over thinking, arrogance etc etc. but true bpd and npd is a whole other ball game and it’s devestated not only the bpd person but also the person on the receiving end. It is far more convoluted snd aggressive in its destruction than this discussion gives credit for. It was a nice talk and helpful in certain ways but the gravity of despair was not truly touched on here.

@@tanyadepoalo4312 very well said and I couldn’t agree more. It’s almost like implying you can somehow hang out with radioactive material by simply being more understanding. Nevermind that your body is being irradiated by the radioactive material…

I call it eating shards of glass and smiling but I like your ability 😂 You need to get into therapy for codependency and childhood trauma… start setting boundaries. Focus on self ( hobbies. Sleep. Eating well. Working out. Self interests. You time... ) I mean basically it will never change so get off the ride at some point or strap in for the wildest ride of your life. You gotta make a decision at some point. Just realize leaving then won’t change magically getting into a healthy relationship. You need therapy for why you got in this in the first place ( again codependency and childhood trauma ) Wish you luck and realize it’s like the most powerful drug. You’ll have relapses and wins and losses along the way.. just set a destination and keep going till you achieve it! You don’t have to sacrifice your life for another

I hope you are able to find what you need to help you with your daughter so that you get to spend time with your granddaughter. I am on the other end of that spectrum. I have just had my first grandchild 2 months ago and I have BPD. I have reeked so much havoc in my family and every other relationship that I have to work extremely hard to make sure that I stay balanced in order to have the meaningful relationship that I want to have with my granddaughter. Dr. Marsha Linehan has been a great leader in BPD and I have learned so much from her with DBT. I would recommend a KZfaq video called Back From The Edge - Borderline Personality Disorder. This video is an excellent watch for anyone who is in a relationship with someone who has BPD, or if you have BPD. It gave me great insight into my diagnosis when I was in treatment. For me, because I have major issues that stem back to childhood with abandonment, my focus is most often on Radical Acceptance but each person needs to find their own niche within the parameters of DBT to focus on once they recognize themselves, hopefully in the video.

As someone with BPD, I can (from my view) promise you your daughter is really really anxiously waiting for you to reach out now and having a blowout and no reassurance from the other person feels just like confirmation that 'they never liked them to begin with' - no matter how unlogical or frustrating it seems to you. I've been there (I have this constantly with my own mom or even with my boyfriend, and I'm trying really hard to not expect superhuman reassurance and devotion from them while balancing this really childish feeling of 'if they're nice they're probably lying because deep down I always have to be on the lookout for any red flag they might be leaving), and while in these situations, I objectiviely absolutely understand how unfair or demanding my expectation are to the other person and it's so self sabotaging that even if they do what I expect them, it doesn't feel authentic enough, simply because it's a deep feeling of suspicion of everything and everyone. It's really nothing personal about you - actually, it's rather the opposite: The more I love someone, the more I have to expect the worst to be somehow prepared for inevitable sorrow when we fight, they'll leave or something like that. It's just so very hard to let the other person know this, too.

Think of them like a child who didn’t get ice cream. Whatever they say is most likely a bluff, a ploy for a reaction. Treat them like a child who’s having a tantrum. Once you realize what they really are, they’re quite funny

You need therapy for codependent and childhood trauma. Start there developing boundries. Self care.. stay eating healthy. Hobbies. Working out. Good sleep help with mental clarity and feeling good. The focus needs to be put back on your needs and self. Not hers And ideally she go into therapy with DBT or another treatment that works for her. Which they say takes 6-16 years for them to “heal” …. Fun….. Yeah it doesn’t get better. It gets worse with age as the narcissism component with women aging doesn’t help at all 😂 Good luck on the journey. Just know you are self sacrificing for someone who doesn’t love you.. do you wanna stay or go..

You okay?

As is your right. I hope you still have some nice memories though

I am in the same boat as the first part of your comment!

Also, listening to something like this could be a major trigger for a BPD and/or suicidal ideation. It's a great psychoeducational presentation but I'm not sure every BPD could handle confirming further how others see them in listening to this???

You're wrong

I'm speaking from experience of having to pull two people off the ledge of suicide after listening to this video. So please you can't speak for me for those people

BPD is confusing There is help

Thanks forever for everything you do and contribute.

Yeah it’s called codependency and childhood trauma. Go get therapy or at least start reading books. It will start to make sense then…