As a 65-year-old mother of three, I'll give you the quick answer; no. At least not the way I'm seeing it today. Gentleness is a fruit of the spirit and we should all manifest grace and gentleness, especially to children. But firm "no's" and consequences are in short supply the way I see modern parenting done. That does not make for strong emotionally, spiritually, psychologically healthy individuals.

Regarding emotions - I always told my three that emotions are emotions, it's what you do with them that matters most. They have to acknowledge what they're feeling and know that how they respond is within their power. They choose whether or not to sin.

The irony of gentle parenting from what I’ve witnessed, is the parent who buys into this philosophy is anything but gentle to anyone who would challenge it.

Alisa thank you SO MUCH for discussing this. I am a former gentle parent and switched to authoritative parenting when our child was around 4 and have since been deeply interested in the topic, especially since becoming a Christian. It’s extremely rare to hear Christians in the public sphere discussing the topic so I am SO grateful for this. I even mentioned this on Melissa Dougherty’s parenting video recently because it’s so so so so incredibly relevant to the Deconstruction Movement. Prepare yourself for a ton of backlash because GP’s gentleness ends where criticism of their philosophy begins.

The heart is deceitful above all else, who can know it, Jeremiah 17;9

I'm currently pregnant with our first baby, so very appreciative of this episode!

Abbie's books have really helped me in my motherhood journey! She is so inspiring❣️

Gentle Parenting Example : Friday 11:30am Lady gets on a city bus with 3 children, ages 7, 5,and 3. Children are excited the 7 and 5 yr old are seated together and chatting about things seen out the window. Mom is seated behind with 3 yr old by her side. 3 yr is getting fussy. Mom advises gently then controls talk for the 20 minute ride. I'm seated 4 seats back and reading a book. At first glance while boarding mom looked a little anxious, not sure how this was going to go. I read the look and returned to reading my book. I ride the city bus daily and I've seen it all. And a variety of parents running the gamut of styles. However, this mom seemed in total GRACEFUL control and the 7 and 5 yr old were well behaved but inside the range of normal reactions if the family car is in the shop and mom has to run an errand. She managed well all the way to town center. Time to disembark. Turns out everyone is getting out at the same stop. The driver usually waits about 8 seconds then pulls out if the doors clear. I look over my shoulder as I'm leaving...a strap is caught between the seats...4 seconds, 5 seconds I'm at the open door. I look over and mom has a 'getting panicked' look on her face. The next stop is too far and the children will have to walk. No terse comment. No swearing, just obvious frustration. A fellow passenger moves to help, the driver is staring at me...I'm holding the door open past his time to leave, the other passenger helps free the backpack strap, I hold the door and mom and the 3 kids and that last passenger disembark. I thought that lady's Grace and Patience was highly commendable. She DIDNT transfer her stress onto her children or anyone else. She might have just prayed she would be able to get off at the planned stop. In any case she managed really well in a stressful situation. As far as I could see, that's a great example of ' Gentle Parenting.

That philosophy, that we're perfect, not sinners, is very new age. It's part of the beliefs of every "religion".

Gentleness is strength controlled by love. There is no such thing as gentleness without strength or love (real value) for others, and if you take away either, you are left with weakness and/or a twisted form of self-centered thinking and behavior.

We do put adults in time-out when they misbehave. We just call it prison. Edited to add: Redirecing a child's rage to a wall or a piece of furniture isn't a good option. You may be willing to repair or repaint a wall your child has damaged. Are you equally willing to do so in other homes and businesses? Because, you will be equally responsible as long as your child is underage. When he is an adult he becomes responsible for those actions. If he has never been taught how to deal with anger in childhood while his mind is malleable, he will be forced to learn it as an adult when it is much harder. And he might also end up in that aforementioned adult time out if his property damaging ways persist.

This is SUCH a helpful, insightful interview! Thank you so much!!! I had begun feeling ashamed tor choosing what my husband and I believed was a Biblical form of discipline in raising our four children without understanding exactly what “gentle parenting” really was!!! Thank you for clarifying what is being written and said without a strong Biblical foundation!

This podcast was very helpful. I had never heard of this concept of Gentle Parenting though I have observed it. This whole philosophy made a mess of the children's ministry at church because parents were taking so many varied approaches to raising their children. I rarely found it productive to try to negotiate kids out of bad behavior and the end result being loss of productive instruction time for all the other children who do behave.

I’m very “crunchy” as well, so happy to hear you can relate to that life/those values. 🥰 Also, fantastic episode, and SUCH an important conversation today!

I almost fell for this at a school I worked at; thank you for this video!

I like aspects of gentle parenting but I'm not going to withhold the word "no" from my children because I've met adults that can't respect a "no" and I imagine it's because they were never told it themselves.

Super excited for this video!!

I love Abbie's content! She's been such an encouragement to me as a mom of 3. Thanks so much for having her on! This is such an important discussion.

Can’t wait to watch this

I've listened to multiple podcasts by Christian podcasters on this subject, but I think this one is the best by far! Alisa and Abbie did a great job really digging into this issue and talking about how the principles of gentle parenting really circumvent the gospel. I also loved how they tied in progressive christianity, very relevant but I've never heard anyone talk about how those two can be tied together.

Giving kids choices actually teaches them a life skill. Many adults are not able to make choices or fear of making the wrong one because parents always made the choices for them. Giving them options helps them think about things and helps them connect with how they feel about the situation. It also protects the bond they have with the parent and keeps an open communication to have a closer relationship with parents rather then push them away by being demanding. Also each kid is different so, parents should accommodate their differences and raise them the way they will grow best according to Gods word. Direction and protection will guide kids and teaching them what is bad and good but being authoritative and worrying about control rather than a relationship and love will destroy the kids self esteem and ultimately leave them makeing poor life choices. Building kids confidence and resilients through positive reinforcement mostly with a touch of nessessary discipline (not over stupid little things) and catering to each kids needs (some may be outgoing and others not and some may struggle with certain things) is a good way to balance parenting out. Also teaching kids about Gods word is good but kids are innocent until the age of understanding for themselves. In the bible it says to have faith like a child because kids dont have to know apologetics in order to have true faith, they dont have to understand things before they put their whole hearts into it. They are innocent in a holy sense but in a worldy sense they do things like hit friends which is obviously not Godly but it is a part of normal development since they copy eachother and adults. If its a part of normal development to what extent do they need punishment? Redirection is obviously appropriate but to punish them for something they are not fully able to understand themselves would be unfair (thats why God wouldnt send a toddler to hell). So if you send your kid to the room vs letting them make a choice about it then how are they able to truly understand why, they may know that you said it was wrong but inside they don't know that it was wrong, the only thing they understand is that your mad about it and maybe the thing that brought them to it in the fisrt place but they are not deeply reflecting on what they did wrong when they get sent to the room, so to what extent does authority need to take over to prove a point. Meanwhile, letting kids be confident by making choices and respecting them and involving them and trying to understand rather take control might actually help the next generation unlike this adult generation that is very messed up from how they where raised. Doing one extreme to the next is never healthy in any parenting style but gentle parenting with appropriate guidelines and protection is by far the most nurturing and beautiful. How would Jesus raise a little child? He would be so gentle and gracious and loving and protective and guiding, he would have so much space for all the crazy reckless things kiddos do and patience. He would never use authority as the leading highway to raise children.

Thank you for some clarity! A couple months ago I started hearing about gentle parenting.

I have a heart for this topic!

Enjoyed this and learned so much! Thank you both! God bless❤

I found you through Abbie’s podcast. Would love more collaborations with her. Great conversation on this topic! Left me with lots to think about.

Thank you both for such a wonderful explanation on gentle parenting. I’m a Mama of 2 young children and I was definitely edify with this episode. True, modeling is definitely a daily struggle for me but I’m so grateful that our Lord and Savior is full of compassion and grace. God bless ladies 🙏🏽✝️🤗

Abbey - Thank you so much for sharing your Godly insight!

so good!!

Love and discipline

Alisa, what a very interesting topic and a wonderful guest. Thank you.

Emotions are a thermometer. They let us know what is going on inside of us. They are however, a reflection of the perceptions of our heart. In Genesis 4, God asks Cain "Why are you angry?" God also tells him that if he does what us right he would be uplifted. Emotions are not sinful unti themselves, but the heart that fuels the emotion does. Cain was jealous of Abel--he felt that because Abel received God's approval and he did not. Cain needed an attitude adjustment; however, he chose to let the sin in his heart lead him to murder his brother. If we allow sinful attitudes to fester in the name of validating others' emotions, we are being destructive in their lives and towards society as a whole (e.g. the Tik Tock generation).

Im NOT a "gentle parent", nor a harsh/negative parent. That said: "Spare the rod, spoil the child" is still largely misunderstood. Consider: What does a shepherd use his rod for? To GUIDE his sheep. Not wallop/hit/spank their sheep. Infact, Shepherds avoid causing injury to their sheep. Its important that theyre in pristine shape. I recommend not letting your children outwit/wear you down in the first place, espcly to the point where you feel like the only way to stop the madness is to wield the go-to "spanking". Calling hitting "spanking" doesnt make it better, nor even different, than hitting. Nor does the body part where you choose to hit them. Again-be smarter & more witty than your child. Dont know how?Talk to authoritive, kind but firm parents who raised exemplary ladies & gentlemen who never struck their children & ask for tips. And, of course, ask for Holy Spirit's guidance. Also consider other scripture that commands us to not provoke children to anger, etc.,

Roman's 5 (3)"...we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about Perseverance (4) and Perseverance, proven character and proven character : Hope (5) and Hope does not disappoint because the Love of God has been shed abroad in our hearts through the Holy Spirit Who has been given to us."😊

I am listening to this from a coach's perspective and of course this has bled into coaching sports and is ruining it. Makes it nearly impossible.

Wow I never considered gentle parenting would lead to parents not wanting to share the true gospel! That’s absolutely insane.

Grandmother here: I see soooo many young Christian parents today who give their small child endless choices, asking rather than telling, always kneeling down to eye level instead of taking the stance of an authority figure. Of course, harsh parenting is not godly, but neither is not modeling what obedience to God will look like as a child grows older. Someone has to be in charge. And an undisciplined child is an unhappy child. (Plus, no one wants to be around your out-of-control child)

My parents philosophy was to punish us for disobedience not for simply doing something wrong. This had the added benefit for understanding sin and why Jesus challenged the Pharisees.

I love some of Dr. Becky’s advice, but needs to be taken with a lot of discernment! But now Oprah is promoting her, so I’m keeping a close eye on her!

Adding on: If a kids anger is redirect towards something else less harmel like an object rather than a person and if they grow up to continue that behavior and it escalated then that is a very extreme example to even point out because most likely even if the kid was punished very vigorously, the same outcome would have come since the situation is so extreme and more rare than not. It would mean that the kid is struggling psychologicaly with something so the way you handle it, either by punishing vs redirecting would not nessesarly affect the outcome. Either way they would grow up to have inappropriate urges towards violence. Redirecting in a normal situation with a average child is a very good option for problem solving since kids have short attention spans and they would very quickly get over hitting the object (unless there is something more going on like trauma or if they are copying a behavior they witness). Redirecting diffuses the situation while punishment encourages a fight and time wasted (keep in mind the older a kid gets and more aware of right and wrong the more you can teach them consequences and should appropriately but even laws change so things have to be tought for that time and age). It would be important to minimize violence in general by not encouraging violent video games or violent shows but giving a kid an outlet is 100 percent the right way to handle violence because even in psychology they would encourage an outlet so redirecting this negative behavior into a safe space which can be a pillow, sport, a wall, or whatever is age appropriate but safe is teaching a very good coping skill so that way they learn to live with the anger instead of supressing (parents try to pretend it doesnt exists or shouldnt exist) and letting it turn into something worse like self destruction later in life. Kids need to be br tought recilience without actually having to go through trauma and they need to know coping skills to handle hard emotions. Although emotions are not God, they do come and go and they are all over the place, they do influence how you live for God/Jesus and how you interact with the world and so thryy do have to be adressed and kids have to know how to handle them so emotions should never be shut down but instead worked through and talked through.

One woman advocate of gentle parenting recommended a guy who applied liberation theology to children. They are also pushing for tighter govt regulation of home schooling. I find it bizarre that the most abusive institution in the country right now the govt is supposed to stop abuse.

Haven't watched the video, and I'm not here to agree or disagree with anything said. I just wanted to lay my heart out there more generally. I really, really struggle with social media discussions on these kinds of topics. I generally practice "gentle" parenting, (though it's been a learning process and I've definitely leaned too permissive at points as i try to figure it all out) and I'm passionate Christ follower. And reading through the comments here, I find myself feeling so misunderstood and scrutinized. "But I DO tell my children no," "but I DO hold limits and set boundaries," "but i DO make sure my kids experience consequences," "but i DO talk to my kids about sin and the need to repent and cling to Christ." I can't help but think about the mistakes that I've made, and wondering if my Christian friends secretly think the things written here in the comments about me and my kids. My middle kid is high-energy, as are a few of his friends who are parented differently. Is my parenting judged more harshly, even though the kids share the same struggles? When my 8yo is disrespectful, are we both given less grace, even though I do provide correction, just not punishment? Do my Christian friends secretly not want to be around me and my kids, because I haven't figured out how to be the perfect parent? Why is my parenting given less grace than other people's, even though I'm desperately trying to follow Christ too? I think it's just the nature of these kinds of conversations. I'm just complaining and having a pity party ❤️ I figure it's safe here in the YT comments, lol. Not as many people read and respond here anyway

This generalization of parents is dishonor. I see the breaking of the commandment all over liberal concepts surrounded parenting.

Beautiful!! 💜🌈✨ 😻

Could we then say, emotions and feelings are valid (we can acknowledge them), but not all emotions are legitimate (we will not affirm all of them as righteous)? There is room for allowing admission of what we feel. It is at that moment when we bring it to God in prayer and ask for wisdom. Do I need to reconsider and mature spiritually (repent) or do I need to take some sort of action (respond)?

Love your content! Very helpful video Alisa. Being a Pentecostal protestant I would however reject the idea of having actually committed sins trough Adam for which I am then accountable for. The bible says that the person who sins shall die by them and that sons shall not be killed for the sins of their parents. It makes no sense to me that I am supposed to have committed sins in actuality while not being an active agent in Adam. I think the phrase "in Adam all sinned" can be taken differently and is fully satisfied in the idea that through Adams sin humanity was changed in such a way that our natural response to temptation would inevitably lead to sin. That however leaves open the question about the age of accountability. But since you affirm that babies can go to heaven that shouldn't be a problem. Just pointing out that even among conservative protestants there are different positions here.

I'm not a mother, but I have seen solid, Bible-living Christian parents practice this. All I see the parents do is redirect, try "saying this instead of that" "Johnny, there's a better way to ask for something " and it is a continual, never ending negotiation with the children, that I get exhausted watching. I wonder if the parents ever analyze and ask themselves "is this method of parenting, effective?" I don't see good results.

The church's teaching on Original Sin is woefully lacking. Original Sin is our rebellion against our Creator, Genesis 3, our desire to be our own gods. Autonomy.

Yes. We should be kind and loving to our children, but if we don't say no, our children could be in physical danger as well as do mean things to others without consequences. We don't have to use corporal punishment, but grounding and time outs would sometimes be called for.

👍

I have two sets of twins, too!

Do emotions grow? ( I wouldnt ask Jordan Peterson...get a 48 minute answer ) but i wonder.

I am not a parent but one of the reasons why I won't have kids is because the state will take them away from you fairly quickly. I think gentle parenting is humanity's downfall and sometimes kids actually misbehave because they can (if they don't get consequences). I think a parent should be able to at least spank or raise their voice without going to prison. This leniency culture is something I don't get.

18:47 a random Good Ranchers question: everyone who's advertising them talks about the 'price lock', but no one says anything about whether the quantity stays the same the same throughout the year??

What about David and Bathsheba's son? He died as a child and David was confident that he would see his child again someday and that was even before Jesus's death on the cross.

Not a gentle parenting advocate whatsoever but…Wow the first example of punishment used was really the idea of Penal Substitutionary Atonement? I strongly urge Alisa and her guest and audience to look into the relatively recent history of PSA (first formulated as Satisfaction theory by Anselm of Canterbury in the 11th century) and alternative atonement theories held by the early Christians which aren’t mutually exclusive to each other, namely Recapitulation, Ransom (meaning rescue, not payment), Restored Icon, Christus Victor, and Moral Influence. It’s time we stop slandering God’s character by telling the world He can’t forgive without first whacking someone and pouring out His wrath on His Son. Paul Vendredi and Warren McGrew have excellent series on KZfaq going in depth on this. Please please please check it out. God bless❤

When they told us children, go play in the freeway, we had a great child life 😂

absolutely everything in the word of God has been turned upside done, all the way to the one world government, And He made from one [common origin, one source, one blood] all nations of men to settle on the face of the earth, having definitely determined [their] allotted periods of time and the fixed boundaries of their habitation (their settlements, lands, and abodes), Acts 17;6 let alone He created them male and female, Maranatha

To allow children to believe there are no negative consequences to our actions is a lie, pure and simple and does not prepare them for interactions with other people.

What a wonderful guest. She makes many great points. No doubt parenting is a fluid and nuanced thing depending on the child, specific situations etc. What we know for sure are God's expectations of parents as He lays out in scripture. Many modern parents are following secular societal views on parenting rather than focusing foremost on God's Word about the matter.

Lakeside Sirocco, Evangelism at 0.5 Love takes Timeth, the youngest Sister M'carey, Moving in the Seven Gifts of the Holy Spirit, Intercession & healing, . Five fold, the Seven gifts of the Holy Spirit, Jesus is the apostle, Paul put all it, together.. or have we forgotten, the many languishes Heaven speaks, Healings, intercessions of Faith. Jesus more then a man the coheir of our Faith.

If it’s unbiblical to say that there is an age of accountability, does that mean Abbie believes that even babies go to hell when they die even though they aren’t yet able to understand that they need a savior? 😕 Or did I totally misunderstand her point?

The woman who said that " substitutionary atonement" is a western construct myst not have gotten the eastern memo 😂

???????

Gentle parenting people are probably not teachers....otherwise they would quickly change their mind! Teachers get to 'enjoy' the consequences of this method

You lost me at Calvinism. Inherite sin nature yes but inherited guilt? Not scriptural. This has been the most controversial topic ever amoung the reformed for centuries. If children are born guilty then how does one who cannot know right from wrong or make a choice to repent actually be saved? God's judgement in scripture is always tied to our deeds and heart.

😂😂😂😂

Good content; tired of all the ads. Sorry, can't watch any more.

what parent would talk about Jesus dying on the cross. It depends on the child when you begin to discuss theology. Jesus didn'tpreach to children!!!