Should We Have A Third Baby? I Googled It...
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Күн бұрынShould We Have A Third Baby? I Googled It...
This video has been sponsored by HIYA heyshayla.com/hiyaYT
Having a baby is a HUGE decision. Having more than one child is a HUGER decision...
I've been trying to get all of the information I can about having a 3rd.
I heard once that before you become a mother you seek information externally. Once you're a Mother you must find it within.
That's how I feel about this decision. I knew I wanted more, I just needed someone to tell me (what I already knew) that it would be okay.
But things are just getting to the manageable phase with the baby being 1.5 yo 😭😭
Postpartum is GNARLY, do we want to do it again?
Well, we can't exactly choose these things for ourselves because life sometimes has other ideas. But we've decided to end the "pause" and see what comes!
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00:00 HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU WANT A 3rd BABY!
00:14 Hey Shayla Introduction
00:38 I didn't script this...
00:50 Most of us have kids under 5 years old
01:10 Is your kid older than 2?
02:13 Should I have a 3rd? I googled it...
02:37 You cannot always plan having another child!
02:57 We decided to PAUSE on having a 3rd baby
03:21 I change my mind daily
03:39 It's not just your decision
04:09 Shift work also makes it hard to have 3 kids!
04:25 We're entering in a GREAT phase with these 2
04:42 SLEEP (like always) is stressing me out
05:20 I am always asking strangers what its like to have 3 kids
05:53 I asked my friends with 3+ kids
06:56 Do we have to move?!
08:10 Life happens and you can't always plan!
09:48 PLEASE COMMENT with how you knew you were done!
@kaylishajorgensen3767 8 ай бұрын
I look at it this way. This is coming from a mom of 3 kids and from my mother who had 9 kids, there is beauty is being stretched more than you can handle. I felt after my second I wouldn’t be able to handle any more kids. I was dealing with some intense depression and mom rage and felt deeply i was failing my children. I have struggled with anxiety and depression for most my life, and always felt my capacity was smaller than those around me. However, after my last baby (who is now 11 months) i had a realization. With each baby i receive greater capacity and strength to meet the greater need. i grow into the challenge, and not just me, but our whole family. It’s so hard and so often feels impossible, but i am changing as a mom for the better because i am being stretched. Slowly, it feels less impossible, slowly i learn how to handle the new complexities of life and how to love my children more purely. My mom always said that you reach a point when having children that you will break because it is more than you can bear. But who you become after you have broken is a much better mother and person. You learn on a deeper level to let things go that don’t really matter and understand what matters most. I believe we receive greater capacity and abilities after each child so that we can meet their needs. And no we won’t do it perfectly, but just as we have learned and gained compassion through our difficult times, so will they. Okay i think I’ll stop now. :D i hope you can find peace with whatever choice you choose. Sincerely another mama trying to get from survive to thrive in life.
@korynd.7999 8 ай бұрын
That was really beautiful.
@xbriannaxbananax 8 ай бұрын
Loved this perspective!
@sierrala9903 8 ай бұрын
Love this!! I also struggle with anxiety and I feel like if I have a third baby it will stretch me thin. But I have also realized that your children make you a better person 💗 I have 2 daughters and I feel like if I have a boy, he will really help me learn how to relax and not be so controlling. We will see what God's plan is 💓
@Hannah-bd4je 8 ай бұрын
Beautiful.
@BrianaClear 7 ай бұрын
Best comment I’ve ever read! Thank you for this!
@Bri-wc4ib 8 ай бұрын
I heard another KZfaqr on this topic recently say, "If you took fear completely out of the equation, then what would you want to do?" That really got me thinking! I want to live by my values not my fears. I still need to be wise and realistic for sure, but I don't want fear to completely make that decision for me. We made it through the first year with our first child and we can do it again! With lots of prayer of course!
@ceciliapistorius8321 8 ай бұрын
I adore this! I always thought I wanted 4, but pregnancy is rough for me and I spent about 3-4 months in bed with both my pregnancies so far. But if I took the fear of the unknown out of it, I definitely want to have at least 4! ❤
@daughter_of_yeshua 8 ай бұрын
On one hand, fear is telling me that i would regret having another and always feel weak, but on the other hand, fear is telling me i dont want to do sleepless nights again and i cant handle more. I dont what to listen to. 😅
@maryanne.sanders 8 ай бұрын
This is such a great perspective! ❤
@bmylove4444 8 ай бұрын
Was that from Sarah and Solo??
@Stefaniaitalia 8 ай бұрын
Pregnant with my second now and know for sure we’re done after this. After realizing we really don’t have much of a ‘village’ and that I’m a highly sensitive person (need more quiet/recharge time than the average person), I know to be the best and happiest mom I can be that I have to acknowledge my limits.
@Cxndyfit 8 ай бұрын
I second this. Well said
@daryakozh 8 ай бұрын
yeah same here sis.. We have help and even with that it's been pretty challenging. We will start trying for a second baby next month and if it happens we are for sure done done
@missmiricel28 8 ай бұрын
Always thought two was it for us. Was already giving away babystuff when we felt that a third might be what we wanted. We thought it through way harder than the first two and eventually decided on three because our hearts just felt that way. Now pregnant with my third and have a strong feeling this will be the last one. Just how my heart feels!
@daughter_of_yeshua 8 ай бұрын
I feel the same and i keep wondering how people with like 7 kids do it. It honestly makes me feel like a failure when i think about it because i really would like to be like that.
@erikaplante-jean7745 8 ай бұрын
Same :( my second is almost 3 weeks, but I've been thinking that from the day my daughter was the same age, 3 years ago. I remember crying often thinking about the fact that there are single moms out there!
@Ninjaflyingpinkducks 8 ай бұрын
Random person here! I've babysat multiple number of children. I will say watching 4 children is my favorite number. (Especially when they are well behaved.) I found that 4 children play better together than 3 or even 2 do. If you want more reasons to than that, it's a nice even number for table settings. Also, hey, we need more people in this world. ❤ Go big or go home. Lol! Wish you the best with whatever you decide.
@natalieelskamp9677 8 ай бұрын
I have 6. Before I got married, I wanted 3. I can't even begin to think what life would be like with 3. Sure, there's rough days, but we homeschool and homestead so we really control outside influence and our kids are truly a joy to be around 80+ percent of the time, maybe closer to 90? Yesterday, they were all running around the table at dinner just a joy filled and giggly as ever and my heart nearly burst. As they get older, is so fun to watch them with the younger ones, my 10 yo adores the 1 yo, took him out for sled rides for 45 minutes today. Wants to be a dad just like my husband (and a farmer, but a dad first.) Are we done? Don't know. I love the kids and if we have more, then so be it. These little years don't last forever but a new life is for a lifetime.
@alexiatrott2714 8 ай бұрын
The world will always give you reasons to not have more kids. Money, time, energy, the list goes on and on. If we listened to all that, no one would be having any kids at all! But we do hard things because they are the most rewarding. So if you, whoever’s reading this, feel like you can do it, that it’s what you want, the rest will work itself out. Mamas always find a way!❤ God bless
@xbriannaxbananax 8 ай бұрын
YES
@enchantedtomeetyou01 8 ай бұрын
YES.
@JNM1009 8 ай бұрын
We always said we wanted 3 kids. Took about a year to get pregnant with our first. Started trying again when she turned 1. Haven’t been able to have any more kids so far. She is now 4. Just goes back to “you can’t plan everything.” We are happy with just her (took a very long time to get there emotionally) but would be thrilled if we had another. Who knows what the future holds
@colorlessoz 8 ай бұрын
Adoption? I know there's a lot of things you gotta do in order to even qualify for that. A lady I know wanted a lot of kids and she had a lot of fertility issues and ended up adopting and now she has 7 adopted kids.
@alannahplank308 8 ай бұрын
I often come across discussions about this topic online, and I genuinely appreciate learning about everyone else's journeys. Personally, I want to share that being an only child was a great experience for me. I believe that friends can fill the role of siblings, and whether you grow up spoiled depends on how your parents act. So, if you're undecided about having more children and feel guilty about it, remember that there's no evidence suggesting that having siblings leads to a happier life. It could go either way, just like many things in life. If you find joy in showering all your love and attention on one little human, go ahead and do that, because ultimately, a child needs their caregivers to be their best selves.
@AnaNas-bm2uv 8 ай бұрын
Thankyou 🥺 I want 2 but my husband said he feels our family is complete with the baby we have. I've been struggling a bit because my sister is my best friend and I wanted the same for my baby. So reasing this makes me feel better ❤
@stephabobepha 8 ай бұрын
Thank you for sharing this!
@jessicamae7251 8 ай бұрын
Thank you for sharing this! I completely agree with you - I have a sibling and we do not get along and aren't close at all. I never understood that reasoning with people. There is no guarantee you will be close to your siblings! You're still people with your own personalities. Blood does not create an automatic bond.
@cariiinen 8 ай бұрын
Thank you!
@mommybreakdown 8 ай бұрын
After I had my 2nd I had immediate baby fever for a third and that went away around 4 months when I developed PPD/PPA, an allergy to dogs, and started chronic uticaria. He’s 6 now and the feeling never came back. We feel so full, both are at school, our house has no extra rooms, I’m working on me, and I’m not willing to play roulette with the hormones again 😆. Wishing everyone peace in their choices and what happens with their bodies. ❤
@KatrinaAnderson-nt5pv 2 ай бұрын
I feel for you and your story, especially the hormones. Look up chaste tree berry & wild yam cream.
@mommybreakdown 2 ай бұрын
@@KatrinaAnderson-nt5pvthank you!!
@MJM194 8 ай бұрын
I've watched your videos for a while and this is the first time I've commented. But from what I've heard from other moms is that everything is a season and sometimes you don't know how you're going to do each season but somehow you adapt and it works out. I love big families and it seems like in your heart of hearts you want more. ❤ I've NEVER heard any mom say that they regret having more kids or that they had too many... But I do hear moms say that they wish they had had more.
@jaloemimoe2319 8 ай бұрын
This is not true for me. I have heard mother say this, they do not regret the child, but regret the dessecion. You just have to listen to hear this.
@MJM194 8 ай бұрын
Exactly- moms never regret having their children. :)
@chrissyfrederick3424 8 ай бұрын
@mjm194 yes! And I 💯 feel this has held true for me ❤ you made a good point
@christianew.4877 8 ай бұрын
Google regretting motherhood.
@KateTheGreat-co4ou 8 ай бұрын
It will be okay, Shayla. :) My kids are 4, 2 and 8 months. Like you, I was torn between what “made sense” and what I really wanted deep down. Yes, it’s super challenging at times-but there is so much joy as well. No regrets. ❤️
@laneadamslivingwell 8 ай бұрын
My kids are all grown. I have three. I always wanted four I think probably because I came from a family of four. But, my babies did not want to come out into the world… They never dropped I never dilated, etc. so I had C-sections. Three of them. My children were all three years apart and I remember reading, an article in parents magazine when I had two children and was considering the third and I was feeling a little sad, knowing I probably shouldn't have four C-sections… But the article was about a garden. And they talked about caring for your garden and deciding how big you wanted your garden to be, and once you decided it was the size that you wanted to tend to and help nourish and grow then you just put a fence around the garden. It didn't mean that you Didn't Want a bigger garden. It just meant that that was the garden you were going to care for. So we put a fence around our garden at three kids. The cool thing was, I had three nephews that lived with us at different times, so at any given time I actually had four children in the home. I loved it. I also didn't like it. When people told me you should only have two children. They would say, you have two hands one for each child or you have two parents one for each child. That just bothered me and I said oh yeah? Will show you! Ha ha anyway, I love your thought processes. It's fun to hear and watch your journey. By the way, I am adopted, my parents had two children naturally, and they adopted two, So I understand some people have trouble with pregnancy and birth, but there are plenty of ways to have lots of children to love.
@becks609 8 ай бұрын
We wanted 4. I love newborns, love toddlers, love watching them grow up, love interacting with children. However, severe complications during the first, and now the second pregnancy led to preterm babies and me almost dying postpartum both times. We thought if we saw the complications coming then we could manage it in the future (and normally that’s a reasonable expectation), but apparently my body just seems to have a consistent severe complication with pregnancy. We recently had our 31 weeker, and we’re so thankful we got her that far. No more for us. I’m so thankful for the 2 we have, and there are many good things about having 2 children! I’m also so sad about the other children we would have enjoyed and can’t have. It’s a mixed bag. I wish we had been able to stop when we felt done, but I really want to be there to enjoy our children as well! 😄
@dg6048 8 ай бұрын
Friend of mine has 6 kids all 18 months apart and they live in less than 1,000 sf house - 2 bedroom 2 bath. 😅🤣 But it's a house full of love and her kiddos are all fine and they do a lot of outside time. We go see them often and always enjoy hanging out with them!
@ginapurcell1732 8 ай бұрын
I'd like to think this is close to my future family and that I'll be able to not only handle it but enjoy it. I would love a big family!
@Casmomof3 8 ай бұрын
Hey Shay. I have three. That was always the plan. However, I planned to have my second 18 months after my second. I got pregnant with twins who came 8 weeks early, so i had three 16 months apart 😬 It was absolute insanity for a while, but i feel that things have gotten so much easier recently now that my twins turned 15 months. My sister in law has five and she always says once you get the baby to one everything gets easier. I'm only two pregnancies in, but i totally agree with her. I'm done now. I don't want to go through the newborn phase again. Toddlers are way more fun. Three is awesome for me and I wouldn't change a thing.
@hannahz6848 8 ай бұрын
I have two boys, 4 years and 9 months, and I already want another 😂 I was so on the fence about having a second, so I can’t believe I feel so strongly about wanting a third.
@poechristhemfitz 8 ай бұрын
If you know, you know😊
@sierrala9903 8 ай бұрын
We have 4 and 1 year old daughters. I seriously thought I was done but now I want a boy so bad. I've been trying to push it away/deny my feelings. I think just having our 2 girls is perfect but my sister asked me yesterday if I felt complete while we were watching our daughters play and I started crying. Who knows how I'll feel down the road but my heart wants another baby and I can't push it away. We will see what God's plan is 💓
@jojocrater1 8 ай бұрын
Love hearing you talk through this, my first is almost a year and I’m definitely thinking about this already. That being said, having struggled with infertility and needing IVF to get pregnant, please be gentle when you’re asking people (especially parents you don’t know well like at gymnastics) if they’re going to have a third, that question can be suuuper difficult if you’ve been trying for ages. I’d go sit in my car and cry sometimes after well-intended people asked me when we were going to start a family.
@heyshayla 8 ай бұрын
😭😭 omg then you so much for commenting this !! I totally agree with you. I want to clarify I only ask ppl who have three how it is. But I did need this reminder 🫶
@Brianna7104 8 ай бұрын
We knew we were done after two primarily because of finances. The jump from 2 to 3 really pushes for a bigger car and house. I also really struggled with postpartum depression and the baby stage is really hard for me, so I knew I didn’t want any more biological babies. We decided to get my husband snipped and remain open to the possibility of adopting down the road if finances open up.
@cariiinen 8 ай бұрын
The baby stage is SO hard and intense!
@paristezgerevska5436 Ай бұрын
2 is enough anyway enough to handle 😂
@chelsd989 8 ай бұрын
This has literally been on my mind a lot lately! I’m pregnant with our second, so excited to meet our baby boy and have him in my arms. I’ve always wanted three, honestly wanted four but my husband does not, but after going through this pregnancy I’m wondering if I’ll be able to mentally handle another one. I want more littles, but I also want to be the best mom to each of my kids. If it’s the Lord’s will we have another I’m down to have another, but it is a lot to take in and decide!
@emilyhughes4099 8 ай бұрын
I feel this way too.having my second made me realize how much goes into loving each individual child well. I wouldn’t want to have so many that I’m so concerned with keeping the house moving that I lose focus on tuning in with these individual little human hearts God gave me. I just don’t know! We have 2 19 months apart, my youngest is 6 weeks! And we want to wait for sure until he’s in preK to consider more.
@gardeningforburnout 8 ай бұрын
But like....what about how to afford 3 kids. They're expensive!
@alexiatrott2714 8 ай бұрын
Kids are only as expensive as you make it. Differentiating between needs and wants is key. Mamas make it work all the time, all across the globe! Practicality-wise, second-hand things and free kid/baby things are EVERYWHERE. Kids don’t need fancy programs and things, they just need your love, time, and energy ❤
@katerinaschenke819 8 ай бұрын
@@alexiatrott2714college cost??? Daycare??? I agree the physical things don't have to be expensive...it's the big things that are
@emilineduff9288 8 ай бұрын
What is the cost compared to the joy and experience of raising children? Daycare is a choice as well as college. I paid for my own schooling. Teach your kids to work hard and money shouldn't be an issue once they graduate.
@chrissyfrederick3424 8 ай бұрын
The advice from those mamas with 3 or more kids really helped! Seriously bouncing the idea of having a 3rd changes so much that my husband can't keep up 😂 mine are 16 months apart ,the youngest is 18 months and feel so hard I need a 3rd. But is it because I've been pregnant or nursing for 3 years and not ready for the no more??? Ahhh !!!looking forward to seeing all the comments of everyone's wisdom of how they knew when they were done. Thank you for this episode! ❤ Seriously love your content so much
@buddiesdog 8 ай бұрын
I knew at around 7 weeks pregnant with my second that I wasn't going to have any additional children. Three months post-partum and still feel very strongly that I am done. I have spent the last 3 years pregnant, breastfeeding, pregnant, and now breastfeeding again. I am ready to move out of that part of my life and have my body back to myself.
@VeronicaPash 8 ай бұрын
I’m currently pregnant with our 3rd ;) … our oldest is 3 and she is in head start most of the day, which is very manageable.. I’ve always wanted a bunch of kids because I am from a big family and I’ve always loved the chaos and the family get togethers.. After our son (it was a “traumatic “ labor/hospital experience), i think we may be done after 3 lol .. Ive always wanted 4 (I love even numbers lol ), so who knows what the Lord has planned for us.. sometimes our plans don’t work out when we want them, and that’s ok.. for us, things always work out exactly when they need to happen .
@carolinejudith1718 8 ай бұрын
My husband and I are just open to whatever happens. Unless there’s a grave reason we can’t have a kid (major finance issues, medical problems) and then I’d track my cycle more diligently. In reality, we don’t have very much control over our fertility. I only have one and also have PCOS, so I’m not expecting 12 lol.
@acaskey20 8 ай бұрын
Go for it!!! The fact that you are even questioning on whether or not to have a third is a sign. You will know for sure when you are done!
@alibyebaby2064 8 ай бұрын
We have 2 at the moment and we don’t have a certain number. We know we want a big family so 2 definitely doesn’t feel like we’re done. We’re trusting God to give us the family He wants us to have. ❤️😄
@Jessie90ish 8 ай бұрын
As another poster said, I’m someone who requires excessive recharge time. You just don’t get that with 3. Pregnant with #2 and I’m looking forward to being a less frazzled mom. But you, my sweet girl lol, sound like you want that third one. And as someone who co-sleeps, your personality would totally jive with 3. I say go for it!! We personally are going for that “big family” vibe by just seeing extended family. Whenever we are together we are like omg I can’t believe we have another coming! We just see it as our collective thing. Which is sweet.
@AraceliSpeed 8 ай бұрын
I had 2 under 2 and now going for 3 under 3 as I’m currently pregnant again. Have the babies!! You’ll never regret it. And yes, you will adjust with time. The Lord won’t give you more than you can handle.
@lauramurray5493 8 ай бұрын
My husband and I thought two was it for us. Surprise, currently 22 weeks with our third. We are very excited! Interesting side note: We just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary. I’m 47 and my husband is 51. Our first two sons are 18 and 20 years old. Why now? After 14 years of debilitating migraines I had a hunch that my birth control may be the cause… Stopped using it immediately. A year later the migraines have stopped 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻 and we are expecting. 💖👶🏼💖
@alexandrastr8878 8 ай бұрын
Wow I am so happy for you, having older siblings are a blessing - the little one will be well protected and loved
@caitlinmorris18 8 ай бұрын
Done at 2 because of high risk pregnancies, not loving the baby year and wanting to travel more (without babies). Thought we wanted 3 but we realized that we don't enjoy the crazy and it fits our lifestyle better!
@Square-potato 8 ай бұрын
My thoughts for my family. I have one child now and we’ll try for a second in a year. I know that chaos of a large family could be fun. Though i also generate chaos for myself because I can’t keep still. I’m part of my community and friends lives, and work on multiple projects. I want an active lifestyle besides just child rearing and I think 2 + us will be plenty to balance. I see other people with large families and they look like they’re just struggling ( for lack of a better term) to make thing happen, and I don’t want to be an exhausted pigeon forever.
@courtneyrice9 8 ай бұрын
I heard some advice that was useful to me about deciding on how many kids. She (a therapist) said: instead of having a mindset of “we’ll have kids until we know we’re done,” have the mindset “we’re done until we know we want more.” She said that many people within her practice (largely Christian women), have one more kid than they feel they could handle, because their sign that they were done was feeling very overwhelmed
@darcycollins1987 7 ай бұрын
Everything you said was spot on. We said two were good with that but like you said took a “pause” was great. Our youngest is 4 which our oldest being 6 and almost 2 years apart. We just knew we would never regret having another sweet baby. My kids also never slept and you know it’s not forever. Somehow things always work out. You’re a great mama and I love the way your brain works. I’m right right there with you. Give yourself some time and know it’s okay. ❤
@maiaatkinsschalchlin2075 8 ай бұрын
I have finally weaned my 18 month old! We've been 2 weeks of no nursing 🎉 being pregnant, and nursing a toddler is no fun. Baby #2 is due in April ❤
@xoliswakali15 8 ай бұрын
Shayela!!!! You are making so much sense. I have two, want a third. The debate in my head never ends. Thank you so much for this video❤️
@TheZinderella 8 ай бұрын
Shayla even when you said in the video that you are pausing….I think I knew that you were not done. :) expecting my first and smiling! Best regards from Europe!
@willowslater9961 8 ай бұрын
I think you’re right in saying you can’t control/ plan these things always. You definitely sound like you want a 3rd! Which is very exciting. I always say we don’t make any decisions on our worst or best days. Which has been good. Also don’t make any permanent changes (sterilizing) to keep the conversation open with your spouse!
@thatsbertman 8 ай бұрын
At the end of my last pregnancy someone said, enjoy the feeling of having a baby kicking and wriggling in case you are done having babies and without hesitation I quickly snapped I AM NOT DONE HAVING BABIES. But I also question it daily, but I know it feels like the whole family isn't here yet!! We have the same age gap between kids too (2.5 and 7 months). I told my partner you were crazy with such a short gap and then the universe slapped me in the face with a slightly shorter gap! 😂
@lauragrist8137 8 ай бұрын
We have one 6 month old and are definitely done! Complicated pregnancy and a 1 week nicu stay kind of traumatized me. I want to try and keep myself mentally stable so I can be there for myself, my husband, and my baby! 😊
@MsHaleyGreen 2 ай бұрын
Thank you ❤
@alexandralawson9578 8 ай бұрын
I love your thumbnails!!!!! They make me crack up!!! Love from Texas!
@IlluminosaImmortalis 8 ай бұрын
Most of the families in my life have five to seven kids and it's been so helpful hearing what they think and how they manage and don't go crazy. We know we aren't done after one but honestly I'm open to anything right now... well we'll see I guess! I'm so thankful for the one I have!
@TheLauren1414 8 ай бұрын
Don't know yet ha! Literally going through this same process on having a third! Leaning in that way!
@celticishwitch 8 ай бұрын
"See what happens" is what I'm trying to convince my husband of. I'm pregnant with my first at 33, so I'm like, realistically I can't pregnant that many times before it's not possible anymore lol.
@MommaBeeb 8 ай бұрын
I gave birth to my first at almost 33. Hoping we can have two more before 40, but I recognize it will probably not go as planned, so we are just going to do our best.
@war5561 8 ай бұрын
Yup same I just turned 33, so I feel like if we’re gonna do more we gotta kinda get on it.
@ekatrinya 8 ай бұрын
Had my first baby at 33 after 6 months of trying. I got lucky and after pregnancy it became super obvious and painful when I was ovulating. Got pregnant with #2 on the first try 🥲 and was so grateful. Will be 35 when baby is born. Praying I can have one more before 40..and I'm nuts but also praying for twins 😜 Good luck everyone on your family building journey!!
@poechristhemfitz 8 ай бұрын
A friend of mine and her husband started actively trying when she was 26. After 12 years and 2 miscarriages she finally gave birth to their first. And just before turning 40 she had her second. She says even having two babies is such a miracle to her at this point that she wouldn't dare ask for more.
@westwuffy 8 ай бұрын
Please don't let the widely used statistic of women's fertility beginning to decline around mid-30s distract from the fact that many women are fertile into their early 50s (until they reach menopause). At 33 you could have 20 more years of fertility ahead of you… and that is potentially a - very - large family.
@MissGabyGand 8 ай бұрын
I do relate! Love this video
@sabrinaczerwinski518 8 ай бұрын
Omg shayla this video is me 100%. Im so back and forth on this. Want a third so bad but i dont know if i can do it. Wahh!! I have a 3 month old and 2.5 year old. Just waiting at this point to see how my husband and i feel in 6 months. Thanks for this mama!!
@brendahusing2185 7 ай бұрын
I have so many thoughts I want to share with you!! I have four kids, ages 10, 8, 6 and 3. Adding another will be a cake walk - of course it will stretch you - but you've experienced a lot and the early days have a certain predictably to them that is refreshing the third time around. Ages 5-10 have been such a sweet spot in my experience, they still love me but can do so much for themselves. Your oldest will be a big helper and really remember your pregnancy and when their sibling was born. The best gift you can give your kids is a sibling! You'll do great!
@Kbteeny 8 ай бұрын
Currently pregnant with my second, my first just turned 5. I feel like I truly enjoyed the one on one I have had with my son and really didn’t know if I wanted to give that up by adding another which is why we went for such an age gap. And I still googled everyday for like a year if having 2 is a good idea 😅 I’ve always said I’d have three but we will see. If so, I think it’ll be another 5 year age so I can really enjoy each kids baby/toddler years. We will see though!
@martinatine4938 8 ай бұрын
Had my first and only child 4 months ago. Sure everyone says: wait one year and then you will want another. Aaaa no. Let alone three! I admire everyone who has more than one, but I think you really have to want it. The parents have to have enough nerves. That’s what it’s getting down to for me. Everybody’s like: she needs a sibling! Yeah sure and then there will be a totally overwhelmed mother who has no energy… it’s a though decision. But you have to know … pros and cons … We have more pros on our list but the feeling is no
@lixx1414 8 ай бұрын
BLESS YOUU I LOVE YOUU!! I also have 2 girls 2 years apart but I'm right behind you by like 1 year lol i love this - THANK YOU
@TheLockeFam 6 ай бұрын
lol just came from your video from 6 months ago, so happy to see you’re still thinking about the exact same thing haha
@poechristhemfitz 8 ай бұрын
So interesting to see everyone's thoughts behind this! My two are exactly 25 months apart and with both of them I was like "I want to do it again!" a few weeks after their birth. I've always wanted four, boyfriend does too, our oldest will be going to daycare come January, the little one next September... everything would be perfect! But my younger one is only 8 months old and she is so cute and little, I can't bear the thought of her having to abdicate her position of being the little one!
@michaelathunder8742 8 ай бұрын
I felt all of what you said. My two are a few months older than yours. There's the times when they are sick or cranky and Im like, no we are not ready for the 3rd. (We always said we wanted 3). Then there's the days when they are cuddling and we are all just having a good day and Im like ❤ where's the 3rd? Im ready. It changes hour by hour at this point. We are just going to wait until our youngest is 2.5 this summer and re-evaluate our sanity level. I dont want them to be too far apart but I also want to enjoy their toddler years. Its tough.
@EvelynMG17 8 ай бұрын
I’m currently pregnant with my second baby… and I can tell we want more, we always say, games work better, more siblings hood… more company.
@amandalapanda394 8 ай бұрын
I have a 14 month old (born when I was 40) and my partner and I are done 😂 but something I heard from a psychologist once was that four is better than three, especially if the middle one is the same sex as one of the others (which in your case Esme would be) because the dynamic of three for the middle one can be bad. Definitely worth looking into. I think it’s always good to remember to think about what’s best for the kids as well as what we want. Best of luck, you’re a great mom and I’m sure it’ll all work out the way it’s meant to x
@saramikkelson8859 8 ай бұрын
Thank you so much for mentioning secondary fertility issues 💖 we had our first in September 2020 and everything about pregnancy was so easy (conceived the first month of trying), I loved it and couldn’t wait to get pregnant again! When my son was 19 months, we got pregnant again after casually trying for several months. It ended up being an ectopic pregnancy that was misdiagnosed as a miscarriage and ruptured a tube several weeks later. A year later (this past summer), I finally got pregnant again and lost that one, too. We’ve always wanted to adopt/foster at some point, and always assumed it would be after we were done with the littles phase with our own kids. But now we’ve decided to go ahead and have started the process for fostering. If we get pregnant, too, awesome! We always wanted 4, so I’m fine with that. I also want to say that we don’t have a huge house - our garage is converted into a 3rd bedroom and we have a home business with inventory that takes up a whole bedroom. It’s still possible to foster/adopt AND have bio kids. It’s just more narrow on age/gender flexibility
@cassieleefryeklund5623 8 ай бұрын
I am so glad you did this. I am debating a 2nd for me and 3rd for us
@eabach16 8 ай бұрын
Two was always the plan for us, but our first took 4 years to conceive (natural, IUIs, miscarriage, and eventually successful IVF). I had a traumatic 3-day long induction/labor that ended with general anesthesia c-section and was diagnosed with a blood clot 6 months postpartum. I had to go on blood thinners, and since I was pumping, the only safe blood thinner was a shot twice a day. Super painful shot (more so than any IVF one) and it left massive bruises all over my stomach. I stopped pumping at 8mo because of that, but if I were to try for a second (we have one embryo left) I would have to switch back to that shot through conception, pregnancy, and any breast feeding/pumping. There's the mama bear side of me that wants to say I'd go through that for our family, but then I wonder if this is the universe telling me that we're just a one and done family. I have no freaking clue. Our daughter is 15mo so it's been on my brain a lot.
@Wowzayep 8 ай бұрын
I was scanning the comments looking for an IVF mom similar to me, thanks for sharing your experience. Idk it is different from other ways of family planning but knowing my embryos are there waiting after so much heartache to get them, it’s hard to me to let them go, but having more kids is tricky. I want the all, though.
@apriltaylor8404 8 ай бұрын
I had two early in life. I had a 3rd surprise baby later (38) and my doc cleared me for another if I wanted. I can understand the uncertainty. I want a big family. But I do enjoy just having my 10 month old and teens. With my age, we do need to decide sooner than later.
@maryjaynebarber1774 7 ай бұрын
And once again you are a MIND READER!!
@OdetoAbode 8 ай бұрын
I want to present an option that has worked beautifully for our family (so far)... We had 2 girls, 3 years apart. Then we waited 6 years, and had another girl. Now I'm pregnant with girl number 4. We will have a 10yo, 7yo, 2yo and a newborn. My older girls are at the age where they're so independent and so helpful. They have their own friends and activities. They can help with their younger siblings and chores. That pause between has been great! It never felt crazy overwhelming, because we only ever had two really little kids at a time. It's kind of been like having two sets of kids, if that makes sense.
@heyshayla 8 ай бұрын
This sounds like a dream honestly! If I’d started earlier but I’m kinda to the point where it feels like now or never
@OdetoAbode 8 ай бұрын
@@heyshayla Understandable! I had the first "set" in my twenties and now the second in my thirties
@aleciakauffman580 8 ай бұрын
I have 5 kiddos LOL! I always get asked you know how that happens right??? Or wow you got your hands full haha. I’ve always wanted a big family and boy do I got it ha. People told me you’ll know when you’re done. I thought that I got that moment. Now 5 years later I say eh I could have another. I think you should just do what feels right to you. When you have the support, good health, I say go for it. ❤
@kayleighshultz7711 8 ай бұрын
I currently only have 1, and I'm so on the fence for 2. Part of me is like, yes- I loved my pregnancy, I really would love a baby girl (have a boy already), was not mentally prepared for my first to be my last, so I didn't really like process that. But on the other hand, motherhood is so much harder than I thought. Primarily from lack of support and a very clingy first baby. It was a CHALLENGE every day because it was all always on me. So do I want to put myself through that? And do I think my 2 year old is ready/would do well with another sibling? I don't know... other things I've heard about 3: I hear it's the hardest number because it's the first point they outnumber you (if you have a spouse) and anything 4+ is not really any different dynamic, so if you can handle 3, the sky is the limit basically lol.
@mlimrx 8 ай бұрын
Shayla you are so adorable:) You say what is going on in a mom's mind haha
@tearosita8869 8 ай бұрын
I just had my second and I definitely want more. I have this feeling with this one that I’m finding a groove with baby and children and I feel like I’m just getting started. (Not to say it’s not hard, but I can see how things will work out, if you know what I mean) But I personally like the Thanksgiving test- what do you want your thanksgiving table to look like in 30 years?
@heatheralexis1497 8 ай бұрын
This is me! I have a 3yo and a 15m old and am always thinking about a 3rd! I feel like deep down i want one, but on tough days im like nope. I do always tell myself that my son will be 4 and itll be different/easier hopefully haha. I think another factor is that i know my mom is against it because she already says im crazy for having 2 so close together (my sis and I are 7 years apart)
@ellielander5820 8 ай бұрын
When I was pregnant with my second, I knew i wasn’t done. I change my mind almost daily about having another but ultimately I know I want one more, but the feeling of my life only getting easier & not having to take a maternity leave etc etc is tempting. Also, house is small. But could make it work I’m sure. I think I’m going to have to go ahead and have another as I will not regret it once they’re here and I can’t live my whole life wondering what if and I also don’t want to still feel like this in 5 years and have a bigger age gap. Totally agree about large family, cannot imagine my grandchild only having 1 lot of cousins etc xxx
@MissKylieChristian 8 ай бұрын
I had my second 6 months ago and i swore i was done… but now that 6 months have passed and he’s at such a fun age I know if I didn’t have a third i’d grieve it.
@whatchyagonnado 8 ай бұрын
I asked my mom this recently. My parents are very spiritual and didn't have a specific number limit. For each of us, they felt like there were more of us waiting to come and knew that it was time for another when they kept feeling like someone was missing when they counted us before we went somewhere 😂. It wasn't until this last one that she said she felt like we were finally all here. My dad is military, so there was a lot of "single parenting". When that happened she would take us all to visit family, especially during the summer if he was going tp be gone. The most kids she had at the house at one time was 9. For your kids you could transition them to a floor bed in your room so they are not alone, but also getting used to sleeping by themselves. Them sharing a room after night weaning might also help with the transition. I hate sleeping by myself too 😂.
@chelisa427 8 ай бұрын
We’re deciding between just our one child and trying for a second, and whether we can afford having a second is sadly the biggest factor. How do people do it??
@daryakozh 8 ай бұрын
we had a tricky situation with my husband: he always wanted two, I was ok with 1 or two depending on the situation. Then we had our son and the newborn stage took us for an unforgettable ride. Husband decided he was one and done and I suddenly felt really sad and realized I actually wanted 2. Eventually he changed his mind and is ok with two now, so we're about to start ttc, and if or when that happens, we're for sure done.
@maisie1120 8 ай бұрын
it gets easier the more you have!
@Mrsdinaz 8 ай бұрын
I have 4 kids...I can't believe I do but it is the best thing that I never planned and I am so happy that things didn't go according to my plan😊. I have a 13, 10, 4 and 2 and the even number is great because they all have a buddy. I was only going for 3 since I have horrible morning sickness...I was very upset when I found out I was pregnant unexpectedly but it was the best blessing in disguise. I don't believe you ever regret having a child once they are here but I have heard of people saying they wished they had had more.
@alexandrastr8878 8 ай бұрын
I have two colleagues with 3 kids and one with 4 and they all are happy and thriving. They said after 2 everything gets just easier. I think if you're done you just know. When I hear you talk I feel there is room for one more in your family
@_pandacecelya_ 8 ай бұрын
I feel like this is such an applicable topic! All of your thoughts are mine haha. Ideally I would love 4. We just had our second though a couple months ago so we’re still in the thick of it and both of them just got over RSV. While we were going through that craziness my husband said he thinks he would be happy with just two. But I know that in a year or two we’ll be ready to have another. Three is the minimum for me 😅 and like you said eventually we’ll hit our groove with 3 just like I did with 1 and will hopefully one day happen with 2. I’m thinking of the future too with when our kids are older, even young adults, and that richness of relationship I’ll have with them. But I love what your friend said about not just powering through and surviving the little years but enjoying your kids while they’re young and precious. I know you do that really well Shayla and have helped me do the same with my two daughters. But it was a nice reminder! Oh and we’d definitely have to move too cuz we live in a 2 bedroom apartment on the third floor 😅 but hey my mother in law grew up in a tiny house with 7 siblings (and her mom still lives there!) so if they could do it, you and I can too!
@valjo15 8 ай бұрын
Five and plan to have more 8,6,5,3,1 and love it. I agree when they are sick it’s hard but it’s fun chaos. It doesn’t get much harder after two you already mastered the infant toddler phase now you are adding a big sister to that who can entertain and hand you things.
@marysmiles17 8 ай бұрын
I have a three-year-old and a one-year-old girl, currently pregnant with baby three. I try to tell myself that the hard times are going to be so short-lived compared to the rest of mine and their lives. I’ve always wanted a big family, obviously it’s hard those first Few years. But I also know it’s going to get way easier, and I can’t wait to see my kids have a big support system around them! I also have a problem with thinking very negatively, probably because my family and my husband‘s family have been through some serious losses on both sides. So I always think about my kids and making sure they have a solid support system if something were to happen. Also, like you said, big families are just so fun! I was one of four and loved it. I also know so many people who have two kids and love it. So it comes down to what you want and trying to think past those first few hard early years.
@marysmiles17 8 ай бұрын
Also, I do not have it all figured out, yes, I am pregnant with baby three, but that does not mean I feel prepared. Two kids hasn’t gotten into that sweet spot phase yet, so I feel like I’m just adding chaos on top of chaos. Are you ever really ready? 😂
@daughter_of_yeshua 8 ай бұрын
At this point my son is 21 months and i still dont feel ready, but i want to because i do want to try for a girl. Praying i either feel ready or feel content with 1.
@weldonservicegroup6962 8 ай бұрын
I started watching you when I first found out I was pregnant. You were an inspiration! I really wanted to have a natural birth but I ended up in an emergency C-section at 41 weeks. My only child was born when I was 41 years old in May of 21’. We never thought we would have kids and after having her I cannot imagine being pregnant again although if I were younger I probably would want to do it at least one more time. I’m now 43 and the hormones do not rest so well in this body. Plus I’m perimenopausal
@tiffanywheeler48 8 ай бұрын
The house size… kids don’t need a ton of space. I have a 3 bedroom house, ~900 sq ft house. My three older boys share one room with a triple bunk, baby is with me, and we have a room for 2 foster kiddos. If we are still in this house in a year, the big boys and the baby(also a boy) will get my room and we’ll move into their room.
@erikamagrisse 8 ай бұрын
This video is like you reading exactly what goes on in my mind 😂. I also have 2 kids that are exactly 2 years apart and my youngest one just turned one. I feel I have a handful of months still but I can sense myself going into that same thought process of yours! And since I live in Brazil and families here tend to be small, I always ask people with 2 kids like “soooo, are you having the third? Or is it just me? 😂”.
@CaileyElise 8 ай бұрын
I have four kids, ages 8, 5, 2, and 8 months. I found with my oldest two, around when my second was 2 years old, they started to sleep in the same bed, full size bed. Which that was such a smooth transition. Growing up I shared a room with my sis, so for siblings I know it can be a huge comfort to bed share or sleep in the same room. It just makes sense lol.
@starlessstephtx 8 ай бұрын
I want one more. I have a boy and a girl. My boy is almost 5 and my girl just turned 1. I can't imagine not being pregnant again, I am going to be 39, so if I am going to....I don't have forever. Also, I am exhausted and don't know how I would do it. I know God would get me through. I want to meet more of my children. ❤
@fionashaw9097 8 ай бұрын
We're lucky to be in a position where financials and things would work themselves out, so given that there's no issues there, I recommend doing a little test right before your period is due and thinking "How would I feel if I found out I was pregnant instead of getting my period?" I think how you feel is a pretty good indicator, especially if you check in with yourself a few times and your answer doesn't really change.
@colorlessoz 8 ай бұрын
7 weeks postpartum with my first baby and right now my husband and I cannot even begin to imagine having another kid let alone 3. My mental health is already bad enough with 1 and the long nights aren't helping it. I am sad to think it but this might be our only kid. Unless God wants us to have one more he would need to send an angel to me to tell me specifically because I ain't doing no tango anymore.
@RakshaNina 8 ай бұрын
Just have another, you won't regret it
@brittaniesch3391 8 ай бұрын
I have 5. I LOVE having a big family. I have a 19, 18, 15, 14 and a 2 year old. When they were little it was crazy and exhausting at times but I wouldn't change a thing.
@eliwhee 6 ай бұрын
I have a almost 8, almost 3, and am pregnant. I have asked a lot of moms how they knew when they were done. Most said their family felt complete. I definitely believe I will need to have that complete family feeling before we are done. Also, I sole parent A LOT because my husband is beginning a business that is two hours away. I believe you stretch and grow to the person you need/decide to be. Also, "gripping through" is more of a mindset shift. I've had phases where I am like this and need to shift myself. When I do shift my mindset, I always notice the home environment is better for everyone - even more. The work isn't easier - I decide it is enjoyable and worth it. Somehow the load felt easier. I also have heard that people with 3 always say they wish they had one more. 😂 So, take that for what you will.
@natalie572 8 ай бұрын
I always wanted three. I have one 2 year old at the moment and i want another soon. Finances have been so much harder than i imagined and i cant imagine living on such a strict budget for another 6+ years. I think i want to stop at 2, my partner is fliting between no more and 1 more. So tricky! We have basically no help and nursery costs so much!
@Han-vh8ql 8 ай бұрын
My third child, and third boy, is 4 months old. We had to do fertility treatment for our first which was my first realization that my family planning might not be entirely up to me. We decided we wanted a second and that we would do fertility treatment if needed. I had a miscarriage after getting pregnant on our own. We continued trying and had an appointment for the fertility center. I got a positive test two days prior to that appointment!! That baby was my second son. I thought I was done but told my husband “there’s another little boy missing from our table”. So, we decided to try again but weren’t sure if we would go through fertility treatment again if it came to that. Somehow, I got pregnant with my third son on the first cycle. I still cannot believe that I “got to” get pregnant like a “normal” person. I was convinced something would go wrong and that it was too good to be true, but here we are! I wish I could tell my old self that it was going to get so, so good one day and I would be surrounded by my 3 sweet boys! Now, I feel like our family is complete and we are absolutely done!
@besot1022 8 ай бұрын
Have as many as you can.
@madelineromanov2745 8 ай бұрын
Wanted 4 or even 6! But a slew of postpartum mental illnesses keep me from having a 3rd. Also grieving the names I didn’t get to use and those people they would be. But two is our number. And honestly grateful I got them both.
@Lexgetintoit 8 ай бұрын
1. Do a family bed lol. We have a king, a full and a crib. 2. I didn't wean my second but he was on and off the first month my 3rd was born. He's fully wean now at 4 months post partum. 3. It's not as bad with 3 but I'm only 4 months in we know we know we aren't done and want at least one more but I'm in my 30's now and my husband will be 40 next year. Someday we feel yes 2 boys and a girl is perfect. But others we joke about wanting 10 if we could.
@whiteboyswag7778 8 ай бұрын
I’m only 24 and I had twins for my first pregnancy! My husband and I always wanted a big family but the newborn phase with twins has been a struggle! I would like to have another but I’m like what if we have twins again?!? (Highly unlikely but twins weren’t on my radar before my boys so who knows) thank you for saying what I’m thinking right now mama ❤
@cristinapeters 8 ай бұрын
“Let’s shake things up” cracked me up 😂. I just had my first 4 months ago and am in the thick of it 😂.. but I have the same mentality of picturing baby’s future and I want him to have siblings! I am basically drowning in motherhood but there’s moments where I’m like- I want 100! And other days where I’m like how will we even have a second? It’s wild!
@jmgrove4610 8 ай бұрын
I have come to the realization that I will always want more kids, and part of that is due to the intense dopamine I get with babies, biologically it makes sense to hard wire us to want more kids as long as we are fertile. However we have two kids, about the same ages as yours and i don’t want to make the sacrifices that having more will require. I do enjoy and look forward to more crazy times with lots of kids that cousins and friends bring.
@mbl0729 8 ай бұрын
Thinking about the 2nd now
@ethella6206 8 ай бұрын
I'm 33 weeks with my first and I *think* we will land around 2 or 3. But who knows. I was an only child and I really want to give my baby siblings so that side of me is like let's have 4 or 5. The other side of me is like wow pregnancy is really hard on my body do I want to do this for that many years in a row and I don't ovulate regularly so it might take longer to get pregnant. Right now hubby and I are in the boat of we will just not prevent for about 5 years or so and revaluate after that.
@megandoan1801 8 ай бұрын
If you have to ask…. Maybe you’re not done lol I have 4. They have progressively gotten farther apart each time. But after our 4th we just both felt like she was the one to complete the family. No specific reason other than she just finished it for us.
@shelbys2750 8 ай бұрын
I get my kids out of my bed by having a toddler bed for them next to mine and just slowly getting them use to sleeping in it. I put them to sleep in the toddler bed and then would comfort them and return them as needed till they figured out sleeping through the night in their own bed and then move them to their own room.
@SofiaStein 8 ай бұрын
I have one and would like more, potentially, but we are waiting until the first is no longer a toddler so that she and our next one (if and when that happens) aren't competing for our time and focus. We do not do screens and work on fostering independence and sustainable habits (like one toy out at a time). We also don't do parental guilt or stress. I haven't heard this parenting style (calm, deliberate, no doubling up) represented very often, so I just wanted to share it. Our daughter seems to do really well with what we have going on. We're also in the middle of career growth for me that might require moving once or twice in the next year. We'd like to have a more permanent home before having more. However, I would potentially like three and my age will not likely allow for three with a 4 year age gap, so either I'll have to have twins the next time around or be content with 2.