XD

Lmfao like in that sniper movie, pretty sure hes sitting on a chair instead of crouching

So was the plot.

Universe*

As much money they can afford to get it around him

Does the fact that his heart is black as coal count?

@@nomine4027 i don't think he has one

Oh please let it be that he blacked up and got away with it.

He has no race like Chuck Norris he just is.

Incorrect, if anything, he made it blacker. Obviously, he’s the king of improv

I don’t wanna think about some of the shit he might have done to some of them, seeing as how many women have come forth with allegations against him.

At this point, might as well do porn.

The way he patted her on the rear like she's a cow 😖

Seagal’s talent is being gross in so many ways.

@@bunnylegion3969 they’re all adults. They have free will just like men.

Real or fake, I wouldn't be surprised either way.

😂😂😂

Shitgal?

Brandon Morel Rojas noice

Gene Lebell was the man who made Segal shit himself. True story

@Luc Germain idk either way it's fun to spread rumors about Steven Seagal

Yeah, and he keeps denying it, so it's probably true.

Made me choke on my drink 🤣🤣🤣

Lmao underrated comment

Underrated comment. I died but somehow survived to reply.

Haaaaaahaaaaaahaaaaaa

Hahah

XD

Hell yeah dude

Dude in the first 10 seconds of this video I was wondering if anyone was going to notice he ripped this whole thing off from cumtown

He is half Asian... half Mongol... half native American (they came from Asia)... half everything 🤷‍♂️

Yessss hahahha! Love that Cum Town video

The narcissist ego is extremely fragile.

"You can't do that, I'm invincible."

So basically eric Cartman 😂

@@blumedeschaos2926 except that he's not going to get someone's parents killed and fed to him. Instead, he's just going to snatch every motherfucker birthday

I remember back in elementary school, we'd sometimes do Pokémon LARPs on the playground. Generation two had just come out, so this was pre-abilities. And there was this kid who would create overpowered fakemons with proto-abilities of sorts. The one that always stuck with me was "Everythingstar," a made-up evolution to Starmie who had every type at once... all of their strengths and no weaknesses. I continuously told him that was stupid and unfair, prompting him to throw a tantrum and delay the game until we capitulated. Anyway, Steven Seagal is that kid. Steven Seagal is Everythingstar. Don't be like Steven Seagal.

He can embarrass himself too ! Such a disgrace 😂

It's a priority thing. He conserves energy.

Quite the young prodigy

Didn't realize Steven was african american

Steven Seagal can be practically any age (or really anything) he wants to be

Danny Mendez Can he be dead?

@@courier6960 if you wish

So, Dan Inosanto?

While hyperventilating into your ear

it is literally alleged all the crappy movies he’s been doing since leaving the US in 2010 (or at least stopped making movies in the US since 2010) are just money laundering schemes for the various figures, backers and groups he hangs out with.

@@mckenzie.latham91 meh at this point, that could actually be true and no one would be surprised

Oh yes, he is my countryman now, what a time to be alive

@@kostajovanovic3711 America isn't sending you their best.

@@mroctober3657 I lived trough 1999, i know

It's more like a film crew wandered into him and said "Fuck it, let's film him."

Hahahahahahahaha 😂😂😂

i didn't even realize he looked EXACTLY the same in them all 😂😂

🤣🤣🤣

@@littlefieryone2825 🤣

Yeah his performance of CIA and armed forces propaganda is at least slightly more effective lmao

I have to thank Seagal though. I generally distrust Western media when it unites around a common topic so if it weren’t for him I might have fallen for Russian propaganda about the war. There’s no way I’m on the same side as the guy who had two underage girls locked inside his basement

@@Scatmanseth Did he really?

Putin accepting seagal as a propaganda mouth piece is a bigger blunder than the kiev bound convoy at the start of the war.

You mean when he said that the war should end and that he didnt want Russians and Ukrainians to die? yea what an asshole. He should be raising money for weapons manufacturers like Sean Penn and Bono. Those guys are showing you how to behave. Good little soldiers

That would be amazing

Smart, if you're on horseback the entire movie you never have to stand up

The Mongols historically gained a ton of weight from gorging themselves on local food and alcohol when they started to settle down. Would make sense

oh. so he wanted to pull a John Wayne like in The Conqueror. the film where John Wayne played Ghengis Kahn. and it gave people cancer. no i mean like literal cancer. the actors and production crew were exposed to nuclear radiation at the filming location. look it up its insane.

Like John Wayne?

6 days ago wtf

@@sahymakhtar7445 Patreons get early access

Imagine getting American actors to have more natural English speakers in your movie, but you get the two Americans who are the worst at speaking English

I think an algorithm wrote this movie

hes big in russia or something, no?

Good point xD

@@viewtiful1doubleokamihand253 6:06

This Steven Seagal talking. He means they *wore* all black. He wouldn't be in any other kind of band.

but he IS black!

@@joodlemcdoodle He's everything; hence his size.

gunwild gunwild I know, the propaganda is so ironic if you tested it for comedy gold it would be 24 carats

I was gonna say something if i didn't see this

He didn't "wring out money", he just invested in a communication line. It's better then what france has done for Africa.

@@r.p.4756 just cause it's better doesn't mean it's good.

R. P. He “invested” in a communication line using stolen intellectual property, and the only reason the movie portrays that it’s okay is because he did it on the behalf of the Chinese government.

Van Damme's a genuinely charming, skilled bad-ass who is in perfect shape even today and whose movies are actually enjoyable (and not in a "so bad they're good"-kind of way either). Hearing this story just made me like him even more, good on him for calling Seagal out on his bullshit.

@@hermionestranger4964 Also, Seagal has been sued at least 5 times for sexual harassment.

@@nathanfonseca9847 yeah I had heard something about that. Yikes. I hope those victims get justice against this oversized mustachioed eggman eventually.

@@nathanfonseca9847 15:30 he should take his own characters advice lol

@@hermionestranger4964 it pissed me off how they portrayed that scene if seagal fighting tyson....they made it look like tyson had hard time fighting him...like fuck off already

“I was in an all black band” Is not black

@@minatoyuki4800 he's been gentrifying since Glimmer Man.

That's why he's so good

When Stevey was just 4 months old he was already playing the guitar

@@minatoyuki4800 oh hey emo jesus

Where do they end up in a dumpster.

Everyone shits on the bargain bin but it’s honestly got some really good movies in it sometimes. Like one time I went to the bargain bin at my local dollar store and found The Godfather. You’d be more likely to find these movies behind a thrift store next to the garbage

@@lit-eral5953 I found my aliens movie in there...score :3

At least Nic Cage does some good movies every once in a while like Mandy. Steven Seagull is a hack

Haha seriously, he's a hack It's funny Jon tron and Ralph both covered his goofy ass

Hey, I know a movie that has both those things. It's called The Transporter.

Ralph’s videos are extremely re-watchable. All of them.

I don't know but I might be past 10 by now. Same with PFG TV.

I want this to be a fucking movie

Casey Whitesell the stuman show

@@caseycat just watch Steven segal MTV Cribs

@@chillhour6155 🤣

That’s super funny

Honestly Steven Seagal is America's tryhard uncool dad

So the Lifetime and Hallmark movies with the same plots are Momsploitation films? Parents have terrible tastes.

@@Wolfspiritzero yes lol they are 100% momsploitation

or is it just badsploitation? as in exploiting bad actors who think they have talent & audiences who like to laugh at them

@@ashleybrooke2087 A lot of those movies have many has-been actors who were at one time in big budget movies. Nicolas Cage was in a Lifetime movie awhile back. It's where acting careers go to die and Hallmark is where they're reborn in a perpetual Christmas purgatory.

😆😆😂😂😂😂😂 Christ he's huge 🤣

Brutal

Not to mention his apparent Histrionic Personality Disorder.

He's allegedly pretty dangerous if you are a 17 year old actress alone with him.

I think the most dangerous thing about Seagal is his acting could put you to sleep permanently.

Mike can still move, all my money would be on him anyways. Age is just a number to him

Lets be real tyson in a wheelchair would kill seagull in a fistfight

@@ccainum5971 tyson in a hospital bed would decimate seagull

That I can believe like 100%...and not just cause I like Tyson and hate Seagal, but because it is just a fact.

1 jab and the fight would be over!

i dont know about you but thats easy money for me

@@mazter_chief_5768 If you have no self-esteem, sure.

@@Elhao 6:06

@@mazter_chief_5768 yeah just get your ass clapped by Steven segal

Did you just say “a porn”..?

🤣🤣

It shows that he's lost passion for martial arts. I wonder when was the last time he really did a serious martial arts based work out, or any work out for that matter.

@@RumchugMusic he was never a martial artist. He was like Mac from IASIP, about the show of pseudo-martial looking moves rather than actually practicing any actual martial arts.

@Leon Russell lol

Hahahahaha

Africaghanistan

@@nukiradio Afrighanistan

Void Mayonnaise no one ever has, no one ever will. Unless sitting in a chair and pretending to be cool is improv.

Nope, everything you do disgusts me on a basic human level.

who isnt even mainly an actor

Tyson was good in Ip man.he was looking pretty good in that donnie yen fight

12:25

I am certain that there are pornstars who are better "actors" than Steve Seagal.

@@mikeshmit1363 and goes into interviews high as a kite

If he is remembered at all to begin with

And shitting his pants when one of his stunt men put him out. Hahaha

@@chosentonessournotes I think that was Judo Gene LeBell who choked him out making him shit his pants

kallebaah0 Indeed it was.

@@kallebaah0 There were two times actually, one by LeBell, then there was another by a stuntman.

With an added "pleeth" to it, nonetheless.

Peath 😂

I just got ot that part and raced to the comments, funniest thing ive ever heard

I've had that line in a loop in my head the past few days, and mutter it out to myself at work.

WarriorBoy All day long. Hahaha. I’ll just be mindlessly doing something, and suddenly, “pleath... let it go... pleath...”

Next up Special ops team The Mongolian Griller Few weeks ago

Attack Force is one that exists too

Hideo Kojima named the characters.

I own Beyond The Law on DVD. It literally feels like an unfinished (about 90%) movie. Steven Seagal also gave me really heavy Cameron Mitchell vibes in it because he mostly sat down all movie and casually drank.

@@hpintrepid do I detect a fellow Redlettermedia fan?

Yeah; painful

That milk is now cheese.

Peter Fitzgerald This made me laugh more than it really should have

I like how he slid the chair back and then it cut to the other guy moving to stand up before cutting back with Seagal already having stood up and starting to move. Lol

Charles J. Guiteau and he was talking about this on a British news show like?? sir we do not care talk about the movie please (which, tbh, I doubt we care about either)

I mean it’s claimed that because he’s never done a movie in the US since 2010, that all of his movies now are money laundering schemes for the various assholes and “groups” he hangs out with now.

Mckenzie .Latham I mean if stops supporting Putin and the CCP he could always hang out at a Russian gulag or a Chinese re-education camp if he doesn’t cooperate. In Russia and China, actors and actresses are used as propoganda machines to sew sympathy for the authoritarian powers that be, it’s sickening.

@Kevin García ＥＶＩＣＴＩＯＮ

@@alicecollins9918 They asked him about current events as an American celebrity living in Russia who has dabbed with politicians in both countries. Reviewer is offended that he decried "propaganda" while discussing real world events because Segal also starred in a cheap Chinese movie where the Chinese flag is raised (grrr?) and he converses with "the enemy" (guy lives in Russia and has a Russian family - does he want Segal to go beat up some Russians or having moved there to agitate against the governement?)

Totally ripped off from VH. Wolfie should sue 😂

Wait.. these weren't all just Documentaries..?

"Time furmeeta gi muhgrocereese yousonuffabitch..."

I feel like it would end up making fun of inforwars which he would probably be against.

He has too much of an ego to do that. His ego prevents him from embracing the meme status and potentially becoming kinda relevant again.

It would be more entertaining than any of his movies

Underrated

He looks a bit more like DarkSydePhil, in his old age, wondering where it all went wrong. Then suddenly he lets out a really depressed fart, and that facial expression is the result.

Penn Jillette got on a diet & is actually in way better shape than Seagal these days & arguably a better actor. Penn & Teller in a gritty action movie would still be more fun than watching Seagal sit though scenes. Though not as funny as watching Seagal meet Vladimir Putin.

Bugged old age dood ACK ACK ACK. Nothing He could do

Bro I thought he looked like penn too

Clown

@@tomhatl4690 what?

Lmao

@@tomhatl4690 wtf

@@papayer Clown

He probably is seconds away from dying by the looks of it

😂😂😂dude that’s so fucked

@@louisamos5330 I think he's already dead and that whenever he speaks it's just air escaping the corpse.

Too many cheeseburgers

Complimentary vodka from his BFF, Putin. I bet he hates him he just wants to see how big he gets before death 😂

They clearly didn't translate it right and none of the English-Speaking actors could give enough of a shit to correct them

Yeah it should be Chinese Salesman

@@Camburg44 Someone with influence in the Party decided that should be the title, and you don't argue with things that come from higher up. Even if they don't make sense.

Mixing up the demonym with the name of the country is a really common mistake for Chinese-speakers (saying "China" instead of "Chinese" or "American" instead of "America") because Mandarin doesn't have demonyms; they just take the place name and add "person."

I guess he could be selling the country, as in, he's in tourism or state propaganda?

yes, i can also prove that the movie is real because i am the mike tyson, also i'm dead

Nice try kid. If you really watched the movie and actually paid attention like a true film enthusiast, you would know that the real China Salesman is the friends we made along the way

NO WAYY!!!😲

*bows*

You never let me down

Do you think maybe it means North and South Sudan? It can't be the whole continent. You have to cross a desert, the fucking jungle and the Savannah to get from one end to the other

This will go over almost every single American's noggin. From its north to its south, if you will.

@@dipdop9734 it doesn't mean anything, because nobody in the production team could even point the african continent on the map, let alone name a country in it

@@justastudent1423 Fair enough

China doesn't care about Africa lol.

I heard it was all improvised and they actually just left

Theory: Everyone is in delusion and the people disappearing is making them snap almost back to reality. Then again I might be wrong since there’s like people and dying and everything. Unless its all a dream.

I can't even!

It's actually inspired by what happens when they show one of his movies in theaters.

🤣

I read that in seths voice

Im south african and i couldnt stop laughing my head off ahahah

@@malwie6981 Everything north of South Africa is North Africa.

@@RumchugMusic RIP Zimbabwe

Rumchug no my man, the surrounding countries are still part of southern africa, further north is central, and then finally northern africa. Either way people should be more specific hahah

Gotti was the movie Goodfellas tried to be.

@@mroctober3657 which Gotti movie

@@giorgiogazzola5972 Travolta

@@mroctober3657 no Mafia movie could ever be as good as that.

@@giorgiogazzola5972 It's the gold standard.

He literally looks like Creed from the office when he dyed his hair black with printer ink

There was an actor who said that Seagal was offered an expensive, high quality wig for a certain movie but he refused to wear it. Instead, he colored in his hair with sharpie, I believe. Or black paint or something.

MY GOD you're greasy

is there anyone he won't sell out to?

The future is bleak.

No surprise he's alt-right and a police officer tough guy wannabee.

Neo eurasianism?

@@dirrdevil he wants to live up his characters in rl

Jake Custer I wonder if he actually is self-aware but keeps trolling us for a good laugh

@@manospondylus4896 or he's stuck and it's only way to make money.

@Sarah Wilson You mean the big D?

He's what Tommy Wiseau would be now if he'd made some good films. Tommy made the mistake of doing 2020 Tommy in 2003.

Well, not quite enough to be on location though.

I mean, it is Steven Seagal. Would you like to be on set with him?

@@Jack75188 HELLS NO! i've wondered what kinda shit the stunt guys talk bout him when he's not around

If you are a woman, RUN. Steven Seagal will touch you, and not the good kind.

@@Jack75188 I mean, it's not like Mine Tyson had any room to judge on that front though.

“Avenge me brother”

It’s probably his last shred of his acting spirt and Steven killing his brother is killing his last shred of giving a shit in actually trying

Same.

He’s definitely a far cry from his Hard to kill and above the law days. I use to think he was a bad ass when I was a kid.

@@radarlovedr To be fair, his entire career is based around playing what a little kid might think a badass is like.

You mean a sitting parody

@@YlrucApmarg "Waddling parody."

Yet in the space between the Under Siege days and his current "work" there is also something to admire about his career. Go to his filmography on Wikipedia and you'll notice that in the beginning he's pretty much in one movie a year, in 1989 and 1993 he even has no movies appearing at all. But then in 1996 there are two of them, in 1998 3. Steven Seagal knew he was no Arnold Schwarzenegger, so he took the reputation he had and just kept on producing his own movies, mostly super formulaic direct to video/DVD/whatever stuff (I like "direct to VOD", because VOD can stand for video on demand or for video or DVD). And it works. At this point if you see a cover with Seagal's face on it you know what you're getting. "Submerged", okay, never heard of it, so it's a safe bet. Sure, there will be scenes of people firing off their guns while standing still in front of their armored vehicles, and other people just steadily marching into said gunfire. Sure, the movie makes no sense and you end up asking yourself why that submarine was even in this picture. But at the end of the run you've seen exactly what you came for: 90 minutes of movie with some gunfighting, some quasi-martial arts, a background story about how and why this balding fat guy (did I mention I look a lot like a certain famous action movie star? Ladies...) is supposed to be the greatest warrior ever, and if you're (un)lucky some mild sexism and/or a single scene that stops a bit short of soft porn. Steven Seagal movies at this point were dependable. They were never going to be your new favorite thing, but they would rarely disappoint because they were so on brand. In my opinion this was actually kind of a brilliant move. Someone like Kevin Costner could have learned a lot from this approach. After Waterworld you just forget about trying to be a serious movie star and instead start pumping out 3 mildly entertaining adventure movies a year, starring Kevin Costner. Revisit Robin Hood for a trilogy that goes nowhere, do a few "The Postman" style post apocalyptic films, but much cheaper and half as short. The guy could have made absolute bank being reliable, like Steven Seagal did. Were did things ultimately go wrong? Probably around 2010. Up to that point Seagal's filmography shows the occasional writing credit, which implies a certain amount of involvement with the project. No, I do not believe Seagal is a good movie writer, but I do believe I know what kind of stuff he would like to write, and it's what I would watch a Seagal movie for. Come 2016 even the people editing wikipedia gave up on adding notes like "direct-to-video" to the movies, and in more and more of them Seagal's character does not even have a full name. 6 Seagal movies came out that year, including Sniper: Special Ops. The late 90's and early 2000's movies were definitely about making money, but they were doing that while also enforcing the Seagal brand, growing a reputation for dependability. You knew what you were getting into. The present day movies are just about selling out, if you can still call it that at this point. Seagal is wearing out his brand, milking it for every penny in it. So if you see his face on a cover today, and you're never heard of the movie? Check the year of release. Anything up to 2010 should still be what you're hoping it to be: a mildly entertaining action film with no story to speak of that will make you go "meh, it's okay".

Unrested Good, Japan was spared from this train wreck of a human being then

As it should be everywhere else. Seriously why was he famous in the first place?

Gino Gatash A few of his older late 80s-90s movies were apparently pretty popular (think of like Bruce Willis or Liam Nieson). However it’s gotten to a point where LITERALLY NOBODY watches Steven Seagal anymore (he’s been a confirmed wife beater, sexual predator, douchebag, and all around terrible person).

@@courier6960 I get he was in like a couple of good films during his "prime", but still, he really didn't do nothing to get his "action star", especially when compared to the likes of Stallone or Schwarzeneger.

Gino Gatash Exactly, that’s why this whole “character” he created is so funny to so many people. He wasn’t really that badass when people liked him and when he was fit, now nobody likes the guy (because everyone knows he’s a massive piece of shit) and he’s overweight as hell, and he’s still playing the character.

There are points when you see him start to realise the full horror of what he has gotten himself into.

AFRICAWWW

Hahaha right? Who hires mike tyson and says.. let's give THIS guy all the big dialogue scenes in the finale, it'll be great

Mike tyson faking an african accent is somehow the most offensive and funny thing i’ve seen in a shitty movie. I can just imagine the chinese director saying “oh this guy’s black, make him african” and still going through it when they hear his clearly american accent

Its like some thing Dave Chapple would say in a standup comedy stage.

Eewww! When did CIA become blind.

What happens in the Pentagon stays in the Pentagon

Yep.. coz it’s a well known fact around the world - that cia are butt pirates who train terrorists so that the US MIC can embezzle money from American taxpayers 🤷‍♂️

They used his mouth as a fleshlight.

@@RazorusR3X777 you just put a very disturbing image in my head

i'm no sure about early life and the first five minutes of his career, but ...yeah... he does fit in the neck beard profile by now. Including the titular trait of utilizing facial hair to obscure the double chin line.

Movie Star -> Neckbeard

The Glimmer Man period

Seeing how many things he claimed to be... would you be surprised, honestly? -_-

He was also Russian and Belarusian apparently, to guy is actually scary mentally insane when you hear him speak and how he believes his own bs

Dude, Mike Tyson’s accent was just 👌🏽

No, it was just Steve and his cousins, each in blackface, playing Motown hits. The name of his group was “An All Blackband of Brothers. Wonder who’s gonna play Seagal in the movie? We need a biopic STAT, and while Grandmaster Sifu Instructor Comrade Seagal is still with us to give the truth on his early years. He was a CIA asset in Asia, Aikido instructor in Japan, and before he trained with Ras Al Ghul in Tibet. Did ya know he was also a reincarnation of multiple Dalai Lamas and Confucius? Bet ya didn’t know that. 🎸🎶 Also an accomplished Blues Legend in his own mind...