My mother does this, she can be so cruel, too. My dad does not usually talk much, and rarely talks just for fun. We drove home from a doctors appointment, dad had gotten some good news and he was so happy and relieved that he uncharacteristically commented all kinds of things. It's so beautiful outside and such. Mom did not say one word to him during the whole drive. She was even not angry at him so not a "normal" silent treatment. It was heartbreaking, their marriage is so sad.

Without them devaluing us, we would't become addicted to the idealization phase.

Since narcs only give bread crumbs, their perfect partner would probably be a bird! Poor bird...

Vulnerable narcissts, swing from one extreme to another one moment giving you the silent treatment and devaluing you, but once they want something outvof you the extreme love bombing sets in. You can never win!😮

Thank you so much for this video. The SUBTLE devaluation is devastating and yet to hard to prove. It's almost imposible to explain to another person, and most of the times when you try to do so you end up feeling like you are the problematic one. Even worse when you try to talk about it in therapy and your own therapist might be missing the sadistic twist this apparently meaningless actions have

It's so obvious, they are pathetic. May you all be whole & balanced on the inside ❤

Thank you, Dr Magee, for your entire body of work & research! You present this information in such a professional, non-judgmental manner. Your objectivity is appreciated!

I have never known illnesses like this until I met my Ex. 4 yrs and he's a musician. Childhood abandonement so cruel and he has BDP + covert narcissism. His mood swings are frightening. High in ADHD. 💔

God. The devaluing is SO SO UGLY… esp if you have no Non-devaluing family..

This is spot on. Thank you; explains so much.

You mean like when a flying monkey tells you they're concerned and want to hear you, letting you know they know things you didn't tell them, and they gaslight you about that, insist on the talk, which disrupts what you came to see them about, and then they refuse to hear you, imply you're off (despite years otherwise) and refuse to consider what they, themselves wanted you to talk about? This iust happened with a body restructurist, who lied to me about her being co-opted. I'm sure the purpose of this was to trash my reputation thru the same evil grapevine that took my life.

A strange behavior that started in the last year of our relationship. If we were driving somewhere and I was going to be the driver, he’d put on a black hooded sweatshirt, sunglasses and then would put the hood over his head and slump in the passenger seat. Refusing to engage in any conversation. He acted like Elliot Alderson from the Mr. Robot tv series. Except my Elliot was 63 years old. Bizarre.

omg thank you!! This makes complete sense. YOU DONT UNDERSTAND HOW U HELPED ME 💜

I love this and panicked, too. This is what happened between me and my ex when I was in the worst circumstances in my life. When I realized I was being narcassitic because I was in super people pleaser mode and struggling to keep my life afloat. I dumped him. Not because I didn't love him. I was no longer emotionally available, and he was not in a partition to support me, so I had to go it alone. I lost my memory due to stress and was sadly too much.

They start using the phrase, “You don’t know what you’re talking about”, even if you have evidence and facts.

Thankyou Darren great video.

It stopped being “subtle” the last birthday he ruined for me .

THey will not accept gifts/ you can't have 'anything' on them- So you have no one to give to- Objects/touch be careful if her parents are near death and they have a decent estate. No matter how much you spent on family. All good news gets a sigh.

the moment I started to give short answers , also replied after days ( the way i have been treated for years) and the patterns suddenly became crystal clear for me, blaming me; I do not understand it , that that person was going through a bad situation, that I was selfish etc , even almost be able to predict the next step. I already had said I only wanted to communicate by text so my words or theirs could"nt be that wrongly misinterpreted, I cut of all contact with my family, 2 months ago now , and slowly i feel a bit more a live

Awesome information, thank you.

Thank you for the great video.

Thank you very much

Will i ever be free from my abuser Darren. Nearly 4 years now nearly completed our financial we have agreed to everything so far near the end now he has put a cruel curve ball questioning my integrity with our accounts.. I know its childish of him but it has hit a nerve with me . Hurtful he has put a question mark over my integrity. Im trying to deal with the hurt i think it says more about him than me. I just want to get on with my life. I think he couldn't resist getting the knife in as his final big flourish. Soo sad.

Is suttle boundary crossing also a narcissistic trick?

Excellent video! Very informative!

They're probably texting their new supply.

This is a daily occurrence

I wish you can make time to talk about induced conversation. I go to a store where all workers are women from Netherlands. I have been cutting my purchase and now I just want to buy their bread. Pretty soon I won't buy anything at all in there. The reason is that they induced me in a conversation to have another co-worker to call them, kind of "saved by the bell" but they do it in an insidious way because I don't go there to have a "chat". I know I don't have a social tissue and I appreciate people who talk to me but they induce me to a conversation when there's no one around in dull hours but I find them so b¡thy... it's a pattern. One always tell me about her having a great house, husband and kids...I just couldn't care less and never asked them but I just listen to them because I have been so indoctrinated to not being rude... I'm just won't talk to them, no matter if they want to talk to me because I know what's coming next and I think is xenophobia. People from the Netherlands who came to live to Spain because they "couldn't stand foreigners" in their country... but they treat Spanish people as if we were the bubonic plague. They just want their business for their own people and I guess I will cut any interaction with any foreigner... they bring their guettos within. I speak English but I don't want to speak it anymore. Doesn't it sounds like a sad, fake joke? Leaving your country because there are too many inmigrants and they migrate to a sunny country...why don't they say their weather sucks? 😂 Btw, they call themselves "expat" not inmigrants.😂 I can't stand people who makes everything a competition when you just want to buy bread...so long... Netherlanders.

How would this appy to EUPD/BPD, i had a relationships and child with the above mention personality disorder and she cam across extremely narcissistic at times, the hole relationship loved then hated, manipulative and extreamly controlling, more on EUPD/BPD and npd and ending up with cptsd, how it can lead becoming disregulated and as it felt being push to the limits to reacting then being blamed for reacting,

I think that sums it all …😂 maybe the best way is to leave them.. waiting for a response…😁

Is this abuse in a marriage?

Narcs don’t connect but just control ❤️‍🩹 the entire time that you thought there was a relationship, it was simply a manipulation

My husband is calling his old girlfriend…. And a woman …. regularly…. across the country….