Supreme Court Hits Trump Where It Hurts With DACA And LGBTQ Decisions
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4 жыл бұрынThe President is seething after two stinging defeats in the Supreme Court, which rejected his administration's cruel stances on DACA and LGBTQ workplace protections. #Colbert #StephenAtHome #Monologue
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The Late Show with Stephen Colbert is the premier late night talk show on CBS, airing at 11:35pm EST, streaming online via CBS All Access, and delivered to the International Space Station on a USB drive taped to a weather balloon. Every night, viewers can expect: Comedy, humor, funny moments, witty interviews, celebrities, famous people, movie stars, bits, humorous celebrities doing bits, funny celebs, big group photos of every star from Hollywood, even the reclusive ones, plus also jokes.
@Sora383 4 жыл бұрын
Stephens’s wife’s chuckles in the background are better then any laugh track I gotta admit.
@travisdavis3974 4 жыл бұрын
She's the only one laughing
@raysaade 4 жыл бұрын
Hahahah agreed! She cracked me up 😂
@NemohHoes 4 жыл бұрын
@Himme Himme dude wtf
@mikey._.33 4 жыл бұрын
I bet my chuckles are better. Look outside
@IthlinnePewPew 4 жыл бұрын
I'm going to miss their interaction when the show goes back to the theatre.!
@Abdullah34610 4 жыл бұрын
I know we often just glance over DACA news, but for the recipients it's their entire life at the moment. News that they won't have to worry about deportation, and can continue working, for even a few months is enough to bring tears of joy.
@ambiguumspectatoremespecta9803 4 жыл бұрын
@Nick Hamill Dude do you even know why this sort of thing happens? Maybe if the CIA can keep its hands off the political matters of developing nations, then their would not be such an overwhelming problem with immigration. kzfaq.info/get/bejne/q8t-is9-3ruyqWg.html kzfaq.info/get/bejne/fqh6o9ycrcjGiX0.html
@debradunbar6882 4 жыл бұрын
Amen
@chloekey8043 4 жыл бұрын
But, they’re still on shaky ground. SCOTUS would allow another attempt to dismantle DACA. They only ruled against it this time over procedure. Trump administration didn’t follow the rules. No surprise there
@Greekphire 4 жыл бұрын
@Nick Hamill Children, the DACA recipients were CHILDREN when they were brought over. You are not looking like the saint here, and you are not claiming the high ground you so desperately crave.
@Abdullah34610 4 жыл бұрын
@Nick Hamill - ah yes, which is why we punish 4 year olds who commit insurance fraud with their parents the same way we punish the adults who did it. Wait, what's that? 4 year olds aren't capable of understanding what insurance fraud is and probably won't understand what's going on until much later in life?
@PrimeSuperboy 4 жыл бұрын
"It's been a rough few years these last two weeks" Oh god I was not prepared for that flawless delivery!
@goodmorninggilw2836 4 жыл бұрын
I’ve said this before, but reiterating… Your brief exchanges with your wife and your kids are not only touching, they are quite entertaining as part of the package. Your true self is shining through more in this format, and it is wonderful. Thank you bro.
@Tru1981 4 жыл бұрын
I agree, 100%! I think his show is better at home. 🙂 We get to see more of him, his real personality. 💕
@rogerstarkey5390 4 жыл бұрын
Stephen, be honest At 1:30 your wife was shaking her head and mouthing "no!..... don't!"
@jdj830 4 жыл бұрын
“Cello: Big, hollow, and hard to get down a ramp.” As a cellist I can confirm this is true.
@nekolalia3389 4 жыл бұрын
Which would you rather for the next four years: a second term for Trump or Pachelbel's canon on an endless loop?
@juliering6653 4 жыл бұрын
@@nekolalia3389 The latter for sure!
@Mel-pb5xw 4 жыл бұрын
Julie Ring no question!!! I’d welcome it!
@Mel-pb5xw 4 жыл бұрын
Yep! You beat me to it!
@jdj830 4 жыл бұрын
As someone who has played those eight notes over and over and over again for literally hundreds of weddings (including both the first and second weddings for a few of them), I would definitely prefer to keep on playing them if it meant getting rid of Trump. Hell, I’d play it for free for Biden’s inauguration while walking down a slippery ramp. (Yes I have played it while walking. Not recommended.)
@bonzaiiblitzz 4 жыл бұрын
“it’s been a rough few years these last two weeks” ya agreed.
@TheCynicalB 4 жыл бұрын
mmm sheep
@fabricatedark9561 4 жыл бұрын
Ikr
@greenmantis2158 4 жыл бұрын
Ya the Left Losers are out of control
@alexxela9502 4 жыл бұрын
You guys are going to have a very hot political situation in the United States in the fall, much hotter than the unrest after the murder of African-Americans! Hello from Russia...
@RomanZolanski123 4 жыл бұрын
Mark P Lets not make this a war on left and right but a war between “who is moral” and who is not.
@TheOminousFlareShow 4 жыл бұрын
The black-robe white-robe joke got me snotting out of my nose... while eating noodles. lmao
@str8edgerockstar956 4 жыл бұрын
My favorite part of the segment
@sapphirewyren02 4 жыл бұрын
@@str8edgerockstar956 mine too !
@gmac1027 4 жыл бұрын
It was great!🤣🤣🤣
@Mrsmifff 4 жыл бұрын
Waving the 2nd amendant around like he even knows what it means. The second amendant is there for the people to fight against a corrupt government
@pauldecker4630 4 жыл бұрын
Problem is; Not one public restroom I've ever seen has had lids for the toilets.
@KCohere33 4 жыл бұрын
Thrasymachus Monk That’s not practical advise.
@AlbertaGeek 4 жыл бұрын
@@KCohere33 One might say it's shitty advice.
@barbaracataldo566 4 жыл бұрын
That's why they have paper seat covers.
@kanden27 4 жыл бұрын
“It’s been a rough few years these last few weeks.” MOOD!
@erictaylor6075 4 жыл бұрын
"They wear black robes and your friends wear white ones."I am dead,fool.😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
@melo39987 4 жыл бұрын
That got me ROFL too 😂😂😂😂
@P.M.P.181 4 жыл бұрын
✋ me too 😂
@pennyhollifield9431 4 жыл бұрын
Supremely funny!!
@erinnicole5748 4 жыл бұрын
My favorite thing about Stephen being at home is him justifying his jokes to his wife bc you can just feel the looks she gives him for some of them. LOL :D
@aprilbates7406 4 жыл бұрын
Hi ARMY 💜
@rabidbunny1013 4 жыл бұрын
Armyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
@Vydiastar 4 жыл бұрын
agreed!!!
@MichaelJ44 4 жыл бұрын
Erin Nicole Or that he was in Epstein’s black book?
@heathercutler5114 4 жыл бұрын
I was thinking that myself ami!😊
@divagirllove3977 4 жыл бұрын
Whomever came up w "the Evil Lorax" on Colbert's writing team is a freakin genius; mad props dude, you nailed it.
@gregvondare 4 жыл бұрын
I always thought of Bolton as Mark Twain's evil twin, but what the hell...
@paranoidrodent 4 жыл бұрын
I am the Evil Lorax and I speak for the wars.
@dabullzfan25 4 жыл бұрын
Evil Uncle Pecos kzfaq.info/get/bejne/laypfdym19LOn4E.html
@silentstriker97 4 жыл бұрын
This comment was made by that writer
@oldrrocr 4 жыл бұрын
thanks Alex.
@starrdust13 4 жыл бұрын
“It’s been a rough few years these last 2 weeks” Yes it has, yes it has.
@howardtibbsthethird 4 жыл бұрын
When Trump says “nobody ever knew” he means HE never knew.
@FishoD 4 жыл бұрын
And most likely almost everybody else knew...
@lisam1621 4 жыл бұрын
Anwar Crutchfield. 😄😂🤣 And all of it is usually Basic knowledge. Things you should have learned in school or any time on your path of life through reading and watching educational programming. THIS from a "stable genius". We recently saw how stable he was and his genius has been suspect for quite awhile now! 😒
@indymarrow8050 4 жыл бұрын
Derp. You all just sit around repeating each other all day.✍️
@sandrajohnson2489 4 жыл бұрын
Trump only knows what he wants to eat. That's it.
@sickid41 4 жыл бұрын
as a black man I never every celebrate Juneteenth. I never knew it existed. Thanks Trump for bringing in it to attention.
@aaronbaker2186 4 жыл бұрын
"China pays the US billions," aka US consumers pay the US government billions in tariffs on Chinese goods.
@simmerke1111 4 жыл бұрын
So few people are talking about this... Since the tariffs were implemented, prices went up for a lot of products produced in the US. Some businesses went under, some restructured and let people go. Who in their right mind would think a tariff on steel from the biggest producer in the world would be a good idea... America can't sustain their own production without them.
@tuxedotservo 4 жыл бұрын
Donald has never grasped how tariffs work... or he's being deliberately obtuse so his supporters don't realize just how much that policy is hurting them.
@gristmill1213 4 жыл бұрын
And then Trump tweets: "I don't think the Supreme Court likes me!". This is the President of the United States referring to the Supreme Court. He has reduced a decision the court made into an adolescent, emotionally stunted statement all about him.
@cathieludemann5879 4 жыл бұрын
And no one is surprised! 😐
@laurendoe168 4 жыл бұрын
Don't you know that everything that happens in this world is all about Trump?? (FYI - sarcasm)
@darkmyro 4 жыл бұрын
he also got mad at a 16-year-old because she got on the cover of Time and he didn't. let that sink in, a 78-year-old man got jealous of a 16-year-old girl for getting on a magazine. A magazine that he has already been on the cover of once.
@mcrestwood7378 4 жыл бұрын
nobody likes you--your shrinking in stature
@gristmill1213 4 жыл бұрын
@@darkmyro I don't think Trump has actually been on the cover of Time. Remember when he doctored the covers with his image and hung them in Mara Largo and in one of his golf resorts?
@MrGutsTheBerserk 4 жыл бұрын
That pause for the sentence break before the word "amendment" in Stephen's reading of dump's tweet is just one of the reasons I love Colbert.
@ewestner 4 жыл бұрын
"Of course while DJT had his mouth open anyway a lot of other stupid stuff dribbled out." Yep, that's been the basis of the 24-hour news cycle since at least 2015.
@franklinmarkram7347 4 жыл бұрын
“Oh my god, out toilets have turned on us,” 😂😂
@antidulvian666 4 жыл бұрын
I'd love to see your wife continue on your show. Her laugh is infectious and her support is refreshing.
@bethany2820 4 жыл бұрын
Refreshing....? Because women don’t run defense for men everyday....?
@tobiramasenju6290 4 жыл бұрын
@@bethany2820 got my like
@nicolebrown1927 4 жыл бұрын
I know. She love her Boo.💙
@user-hg1js6lk7q 4 жыл бұрын
@@bethany2820 Fair point. A lot of partners do provide support for their significant others. Other women provide support to men in a professional setting, through genuine friendships and even being acquaintances. However, maybe what the original commenter had meant was that not everyone has a good support system through the women in their lives, men or women. To them, seeing this would feel refreshing. Just my thoughts. Thank you.
@michaelsattari2990 4 жыл бұрын
M
@mlghelp2day 4 жыл бұрын
"They wear black robes and some of your fans are known to wear white robes." That was sooooo good! LOL!🤣😅👏
@Syman404 4 жыл бұрын
I ROFL'd
@BAKER22-l4u 4 жыл бұрын
PUT DOWN YOUR CRACK PIPE
@mlghelp2day 4 жыл бұрын
@@BAKER22-l4u STOP TALKING TO YOUR MIRROR!
@JesusRamirez03 4 жыл бұрын
Sick burn against the trumptards lol
@thisislaflaretv5250 4 жыл бұрын
Smoked his boots
@invitationtothink8270 4 жыл бұрын
Officers fed up? Then quit. Put someone in that won't break the law.
@pennyhollifield9431 4 жыл бұрын
Well spoken!!
@Rawnblade13 4 жыл бұрын
Oh no! The police are fed up? They get tired of cracking old men's skulls?
@delphi-moochymaker62 4 жыл бұрын
You honestly believe people are signing up to join the force? Who would replace the officers? You?
@kjj26k 4 жыл бұрын
@@delphi-moochymaker62 If no-one has the moral compass to do the job...then no-one is for for the job!
@isabelvasquez9906 4 жыл бұрын
You are the officially deputized
@carlquaye 4 жыл бұрын
“That wasn’t easy to say” “I like it though” replied the most beautiful voice I’ve heard
@ard1805 4 жыл бұрын
Living Views You literally sound like a cult member
@trickytreyperfected1482 4 жыл бұрын
Simping over Colbert's wife's voice
@myself047 4 жыл бұрын
There comes a time when calling everyone who leaves your circle as a disgruntled employee doesn't work anymore. And especially when it's Trump.
@user-xx2iw8br4k 4 жыл бұрын
Of course they're disgruntled they worked for trump
@boele0707 4 жыл бұрын
He now says Bolton is an idiot, but I thought he only had “the best people”?
@musicalaviator 4 жыл бұрын
@@boele0707 They are only the best people till they become the worst people overnight.
@triarb5790 4 жыл бұрын
I love that Trump doesn't ever understand the irony that he appointed these people because they were the 'best people' then attacks the very people he chose as failures, losers and the worst at their job. Err umm. What?!
@rongeerts9054 4 жыл бұрын
@Universe Onesong Kelly Anne Conway, she seems gruntled right, it kinda finally defines her ya think....
@NewMessage 4 жыл бұрын
I'm just surprised Donnie didn't think Finland was part of Sea World.
@WAMTAT 4 жыл бұрын
An underrated comment.
@alibaebee7675 4 жыл бұрын
😂😂😂😂
@juliatodor7939 4 жыл бұрын
LMFAOO this comment is way too underrated
@pynn1000 4 жыл бұрын
What amazed me is that Trump had been to Finland in the 90s, some business about ship-building, don't think it came to anything.
@wherearethemoderates175 4 жыл бұрын
Finland/Sea World: Love it!
@toniroberts8117 4 жыл бұрын
Those nerdy ass dance moves when he makes a joke 😂 😂
@MYOOZIK 4 жыл бұрын
"trump is more like a cello: big, hollow and hard to get down a ramp" :D
@WildFyreful 4 жыл бұрын
Which is an insult to cellos. *They're* at least pleasant to listen to!
@lisagulick4144 4 жыл бұрын
The only music Trump can be compared to is the kind he produces when he's eaten too much Taco Bell.
@kellykapowski1969 4 жыл бұрын
Right out of the gate, 'It's been a rough few years, these last two weeks...' You don't say! 🤪😂
@petyrkowalski9887 4 жыл бұрын
I think when Drumpf said "no one is tougher on Russia and China than me" : what he meant was "no one is harder for Russia and China than me"
@pennyhollifield9431 4 жыл бұрын
Hahaha! That was great!!
@charmnGUY 4 жыл бұрын
Hard-On Russia & China ....Ménage à trois?
@markbendig555 4 жыл бұрын
For trump, "Nobody knew" = "I didn't know". "Everybody says"= I say". He consistently confuses himself with "everybody". Who DOES this?
@doneestoner9945 4 жыл бұрын
drew pederson. It was Kim Jon Un. He said they "fell in love"........WTF !
@magicbar13 4 жыл бұрын
Petyr Kowalski operative words: “like me”. Anytime he uses qualifiers such as ‘like me’ or ‘what I’ve heard’ signals he is lying.
@ssmith5460 4 жыл бұрын
“Farticles”. I shall be using this word in conversation for the rest of my life.
@dpearson80808 4 жыл бұрын
I have ALWAYS closed the lid before flushing. There is a “spray” that happens when you flush, always keep it in the toilet, not on your bathroom walls. But I’m glad to see the awareness around fecal plumes building.
@jojo-gy9pp 4 жыл бұрын
except public toilets don't have lids
@BooBuKittyPhuk 4 жыл бұрын
Same... and a lot of public toilets DO have lids, and when they don't you wait til completely done, then flush and run. Doing experiment from Readers Digest when I was 6 and seeing the huge spray made me a germaphobe with OCD for the rest of my life. Jk... I'm sure it only added to it.
@jojo-gy9pp 4 жыл бұрын
@@BooBuKittyPhuk run without washing hands hmm
@BooBuKittyPhuk 4 жыл бұрын
@@jojo-gy9pp no... are u insane... usually public restrooms have stalls so you run out the stall and wash your hands... I don't even touch handles or buttons on sink to turn them off I use paper towels and if there arent any I wash the handles and my hands... if the sink and toilet are together you make sure you're completely done as in wash your hands and then use it foot to flush and paper towel to open door and run out.
@BooBuKittyPhuk 4 жыл бұрын
@@jojo-gy9pp how could anyone read germaphobe and OCD and then think "without washing hands"? as I said wait til completely done, that of course includes washing hands when the sink is together with the toilet... 🥴 uh duhdrrrr 🤪 lol
@bagleybadger2867 4 жыл бұрын
Trump: "Large, hollow, and hard to get down a ramp" 🤣 I gagged
@bobnewmanknott3433 4 жыл бұрын
Stephen,'s wife must be one of a kind its great to hear her in the backkgroun l will miss her when this oves back to the studios great show as always
@rachaelmartin7901 4 жыл бұрын
I’ve thought the same :)
@blackblurable 4 жыл бұрын
Who says he or us will make it that far though? That’s great, you know to still have hope
@hhjk377 4 жыл бұрын
Based on how shitty the US has been at this non-quarantine we call a quarantine, you’re gonna get to enjoy this format for a long ass time.
@ekdaufin1485 4 жыл бұрын
Me too!
@shinyshinythings 4 жыл бұрын
I think when his show returns to the studio his wife and son should be his first guests!
@KAVIARDREAMZ 4 жыл бұрын
When they're hired, they're the "best".. when they quit or get fired, they were "washed up and the worst"... Sounds like the pompous "can't sit with us" kids in high school. So sad that people don't see that.
@lynnepatton3006 4 жыл бұрын
I thank God for Stephen. He is helping me keep my sanity as we all stumble our way through this crazy and vile man's administration.
@Leonaza7 4 жыл бұрын
The truth is; Trump’s supporters don’t measure his success by what he does FOR them, they measure his success by what he does AGAINST people they hate. His tormenting of others sustains their small egomaniacal reasoning.
@readingfromthelowerechelon1487 4 жыл бұрын
That's how all dictators operate
@TL-00 4 жыл бұрын
Well said
@carol648 4 жыл бұрын
That is so true true, leonaza. That and getting more judges to do the tormenting after we get rid of trump. His horrible legacy will live on. Gak!
@kebomalunga1974 4 жыл бұрын
So true!!
@stephanieadams3747 4 жыл бұрын
Truth!
@fisherdotogg 4 жыл бұрын
Note that when trump tweeted asking if people got the impression that the supreme court didn't like him, "NOBODY LIKES YOU" was immediately trending on Twitter.
@johntao6822 4 жыл бұрын
TY.( I don't Tweet.)That Is Noteworthy!!
@kimclarke5018 4 жыл бұрын
Lolololololol.
@Lssymes 4 жыл бұрын
THIS! Thought stealer! :D
@IAmJustR 4 жыл бұрын
even i almost logged on to tweet it lol
@shanadir 4 жыл бұрын
Out of context, not a very nice trend.
@adrastoso9727 4 жыл бұрын
I can’t believe The President thinks people wearing a mask Is a statement against him! I know that he will keep saying/doing horrible ignorant things, but when it actually happens it still takes me by surprise......
@hollytrainor9039 4 жыл бұрын
#Trump2020
@aquariadiana6779 4 жыл бұрын
They should make the syrup bottles in the shape of Maple Leaves ... this way I could save them and use them for my Crafting ...
@ThatADHDKid 4 жыл бұрын
Your wife is Wonderful it's refreshing to hear her giggle and laugh and you guys are perfect for one another. You can feel the Love ❤️💛💚 she needs to stay with the show when you go back live in studio
@eduardoandres5989 4 жыл бұрын
"thought Finland was part of Russia" reminds me of Rachel from sitcom Friends when she was about to deliver a baby wanting a room for herself, not a shared one......and saying to Ross: ""they're just saving the good rooms for the important people! What if I was the president?!" and Ross answering: "well then we'd be in a lot of trouble, you dont know where any countries are." LOL
@dimitrispapadakis2122 4 жыл бұрын
Rachel would be a way better president than Drumpf
@simonfrederiksen104 4 жыл бұрын
The Chinese gave him a history lesson and convinced him Korea was once a part of China. I wouldn't wanna live in Alaska (Colony) or California (Fort Ross) He might sell both out of spite if he loses the election
@simonfrederiksen104 4 жыл бұрын
@@dimitrispapadakis2122 a jar of dirt would be a better president - Jars of dirt don't tweet, rant or babble on morning TV for a full hour kzfaq.info/get/bejne/nbx8bM6Y0ZvamWw.html
@machintelligence 4 жыл бұрын
Well, part of what what was Finland did end up conquered by Russia during the Winter War. Russia got just about enough land to bury their dead soldiers.
@-BB7 4 жыл бұрын
Is there a public toilet that actually has a lid? And if it does would you touch it?
@rickywinterborn 4 жыл бұрын
lol colbert is 100% better at home, the bits are wayyy more weird
@c0mf0rta61ynum6 4 жыл бұрын
I've noticed that about most of the talk-show hosts. I feel Trevor Noah's upped his game as well.
@m.c.1924 4 жыл бұрын
yes...they all have something in common. look up ..adren0chr0me.... Stephen misses his b4bies
@shonk3317 4 жыл бұрын
The late great Johnny Carson would be proud Mr, Colbert. Even doing your show from home, you bring it!
@BAKER22-l4u 4 жыл бұрын
PROUD? UGH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CARSON WOULD BE TOTALLY DISGUSTED! PUT DOWN YOUR DRUGS
@nartouzumaki8232 4 жыл бұрын
@@BAKER22-l4u i know you watch Stephen Colbert because you've always wanted to know how a Real American Patriot looks like
@shonk3317 4 жыл бұрын
@@BAKER22-l4u Get your head out of your arse Boob. Sorry Bob.
@calcifur 4 жыл бұрын
Most public toilets I've seen dont have lids
@kitcoffey7194 4 жыл бұрын
Don't worry, they'll use this as an excuse to have EVEN FEWER public toilets, while acting like we all don't have biological needs. #RestroomsForCustomersOnlyIsInhumane
@florencedebear1576 4 жыл бұрын
@@kitcoffey7194 Beware of "The Ploom".Shyt spray is just chocked with corona virus. Close your lid and flush. In publlic toilets, flush and run like hell.
@goofboof1284 4 жыл бұрын
@@kitcoffey7194 I feel like there's an important problem that this comment is trying to address but I can't find it 🤔
@davidanderson_surrey_bc 4 жыл бұрын
To avoid generating the plume, you are now required to stay firmly seated on the toilet during flushing, and remain there for another 30 seconds. Ass sanitizer is on the wall next to the hydroxychloroquine dispenser.
@Aelanna 4 жыл бұрын
@@davidanderson_surrey_bc Nah, just do like half the Walmart customers do, and don't flush at all. Problem solved!
@djfreem6881 4 жыл бұрын
“Its been a rough few years, the past few weeks”
@livelife365 4 жыл бұрын
Steve: "...and then to drive home the awkwardness..." (insert any craziness from Trump here)...
@karlspencer5584 4 жыл бұрын
800 thousand people affected by this ruling and your president cries about how it affects him wow
@glendagraves1637 4 жыл бұрын
@teek75ifty Not a deflection. Not here illegally. Congress wrote the law to allow them to be here. The Supreme Court upheld the law.
@waterandafter 4 жыл бұрын
It hurts him politically. And that's all he cares about.
@tamil8108 4 жыл бұрын
@teek75ifty yeah and pretty much everyone breaks the law speeding. 😐 Not equivating the two, just saying no one bitching that people go 60 down a 35 mph road endangering lives and thus we have so many accidents and actual lives lost. Though we all do it, so let's not talk about. Right? So many regular small laws broken every day by the same people disingenuously crying about illegal this, or criminal that. Though ya'll don't perceive that as dangerous even though statistically vehicular wrecks kill and maim many. Not an issue. Human beings just want to live a better life and all of a sudden we have to be on your side of opinion about it.
@tamil8108 4 жыл бұрын
@teek75ifty Oh and yes, orange man bad indeed. Not our fault, talk to him about it.
@Germatti13489 4 жыл бұрын
@teek75ifty they have lived here all their lives and their adults now. That would be like taking your grown adopted Chinese child to China and expecting them to be able to adapt and live there.
@mlwhite2894 4 жыл бұрын
The 2020 Presidential Election can't come soon enough! 😕
@djphatsnail2801 4 жыл бұрын
Yes once Biden becomes president, Colbert will be cancelled.
@autumbreeze1129 4 жыл бұрын
@@djphatsnail2801 🤨 um... why? For what reason would a sane president waste his time cancelling a late night TV show when he will have such a huge mess to clean up after Trump's thrown out of the white house and into jail?
@jamesbrandonto193 4 жыл бұрын
Biden will ruin this country
@Finkers1988 4 жыл бұрын
Unfortunately, I can see Americans re-electing trump no matter what he does..
@Sharsis8 4 жыл бұрын
@@jamesbrandonto193 Trump's been trying to do that since 2016 homie
@bettyboopopinando 4 жыл бұрын
I like his shows from home better than from the studio, just saying
@mgmoody42 4 жыл бұрын
And speaking of toilet plumes, it's more dangerous than you're letting on. Most home bathrooms have toothbrushes arranged in the open and are susceptible to aerosol over-spray from the toilet asperations.
@heathercutler5114 4 жыл бұрын
Luckily I keep mine in my bedroom, and put it in it's travel case once it dries.😊
@barefootphotographer4474 4 жыл бұрын
"It's been a rough few years, these last two weeks"... 0.18 seconds in & I'm already dying. 🤣
@hellhound3713 4 жыл бұрын
You should read the book on your show. Just to piss him off.
@florencedebear1576 4 жыл бұрын
I hope the Secretary of Shade on KZfaq does it. But I think he's waiting for Mary's book to come out.
@liliworth8098 4 жыл бұрын
hellhound713 it could be a dedicated 60” segment each night!
@laurendoe168 4 жыл бұрын
He's probably legally prevented from doing that. I'm sure he would if he were allowed.
@TalentCaldwell 4 жыл бұрын
Bolton is a guest on the show on TUESDAY though, which is why he hasn't given any personal takes on it yet as he's waiting til once that happens.
@mark-ish 4 жыл бұрын
@@laurendoe168 its prolly a prop.
@dancepiglover 4 жыл бұрын
I always close the lid before flushing. However, most PUBLIC toilets don’t have a lid.
@dingobat2389 4 жыл бұрын
Exactly. They are used more often and get a greater "diversity" of germs. In busy airports some seem to come with a seat warming function! Automatic shutting and opening public toilet refits might be a better way to spend money on jobs than giving it to the donor class ro shovel back into the GOP's coffers.🤮🤮🤮🤢
@marleylynchhannah9027 4 жыл бұрын
The spaces in between the jokes are killing me
@SleimanSam 4 жыл бұрын
It's been a rough few years these last two weeks. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
@Goatchild90 4 жыл бұрын
That "3 Weeks Held Accountable" joke was over 9000
@jb888888888 4 жыл бұрын
I've closed the lid my whole life. That's also one of the reasons I try to not have to use a public toilet. (Urinals are acceptable.)
@akshaymalik5334 4 жыл бұрын
Dear Stephen..as a fan of your show.. I want to let you know.. even though you are not able to see a group of people cracking up to your jokes live.. I am laughing my bum off ! Please keep going👍
@stheday1 4 жыл бұрын
Judges use logic, which usually goes against how conservatives operate.
@machintelligence 4 жыл бұрын
Don't you just love the sweet smell of conservative sour grapes in the morning?
@KittyCurioso 4 жыл бұрын
Glad you're not dead. Trump was trying to kill y'all for a hot minute.
@heyheytaytay 4 жыл бұрын
GOP logic is "If I don't get a pregnancy test, I can't be pregnant"
@ebonimom6964 4 жыл бұрын
@@heyheytaytay this is gold
@bra5081 4 жыл бұрын
@Michael Thomas Well the conversative side has one thing going for them, the fact that stupidity is more prevalent than intelligence in the overall human population. Bidding on stoopid is the soundest thing, from a pure and base political point of view,
@florian8599 4 жыл бұрын
All those cops protesting the gettin-rid-of the bad apples - are bad apples, too... FIRE THEM ALL!
@FirstLast-di5sr 4 жыл бұрын
Agreed.
@hpqphpqp 4 жыл бұрын
Abso-effing-lutely. If you are against someone facing the rule of law you should not be paid to enforce it.
@lisa-sz8jj 4 жыл бұрын
And then what. Pray next time youre attacked or raped or robbed because all cops are gone. They are not all bad. Theres evil among every establishment/business/corp. Especially within Hollywood, MSM and politics. Youre not paying attention to the thousands of children and women around the world being freed from underground trafficking organisations.
@hopefulhyena3400 4 жыл бұрын
There’s that video by the onion of a cop talking about how he lives every day in fear knowing that at any moment someone might film him brutally beating a minority.
@davidperry7270 4 жыл бұрын
"Horn-gry". I have never laughed so hard at such a silly joke.
@danielshamlian2800 4 жыл бұрын
Particularly well written-I appreciate the density of jokes here, and their topicality. It’s hard to even use humor to make sense of everything these days, but your team is doing their best.
@sidilicious11 4 жыл бұрын
Daniel Shamlian well said.
@hse4342 4 жыл бұрын
"the only walrus on the beach without a mate". still. my. favourite.
@Markyroson 4 жыл бұрын
Timestamp?
@donettatrump2025 4 жыл бұрын
@@Markyroson sometime after Lincoln yet before The Mickey Mouse lost international power. Damn mouse can't even buy Venezuela! Kookookachoo another Dole Republic
@jeffnickel4648 4 жыл бұрын
A beauty
@PolyChromaticZebra 4 жыл бұрын
Stole a weapon, fired it at officers... But was unarmed?? Hmm
@ewestner 4 жыл бұрын
"The only people buying cream of wheat are those whose favorite flavor is wet." Lololol, dying!
@lurkerrekrul 4 жыл бұрын
I've always liked Cream of Wheat.
@kayo5291 4 жыл бұрын
@@lurkerrekrul Me too! Well, with butter and maple syrup, of course.
@waylandsmith 4 жыл бұрын
I discovered it can be used as a substitute for corn meal when you're putting it on the crusts of breads or pizzas to keep them from sticking. I mean, if you can't just get corn meal.
@waybackplayback1347 4 жыл бұрын
@@waylandsmith makes a good gnocchi as well. Recipes on the Web.
@alexanderburawa9307 4 жыл бұрын
Are you telling me that "wet" isn't a flavor? I'll be damned. The next thing you're gonna tell me is cream of wheat has no cream in it. But don't you DARE try to tell me that that there's no wheat in cream of wheat. 8-)'
@janetweeks5 4 жыл бұрын
Stephen and Stephen's writers outdid themselves tonight. Keep up the good work, fellas. We need the laughs. Thanks!
@MercenaryTau 4 жыл бұрын
The thing about "a few bad apples" is that they seem to forget the rest of the saying "ruin the batch". Not only that, but if you don't clean it out thoroughly enough, you literally have to burn the barrel to ash to prevent it from spoiling any future batches. I'm not saying the same should be done to the Police Force but they really should've chosen a better phrase to defend themselves.
@Mortibella 4 жыл бұрын
Call me crazy, but anyone who called in sick to protest should also lose their jobs... seems like the “bad apples” are just announcing themselves now.
@Nightstick24 4 жыл бұрын
Right? And we're not talking about a few slightly over-ripe apples here, we're apples that will beat the shit out of you till you're on death's door and other apples that'll straight up murder you for fun infront of your wife and daughter. There are some apples that are incredible heroes, they'll save your life and sacrifice their own to try to protect others - but I'm sure as hell not touching any of those apples if being beaten to within an inch of my life or death are possible outcomes.
@slactweak 4 жыл бұрын
@@Nightstick24 THANK YOU! I'd welcome you to the world of Black people in this country but you ALREADY KNOW.
@blechtic 4 жыл бұрын
@@Mortibella Given that in some jobs sick days are basically considered personal days, it mostly isn't any of those employers' business what people are doing with them. That said, some jobs are the kind, where you are always the face of the employer and can't do whatever you want, depending on the particulars. Executives of public companies and government officials come to mind. The protesting policemen are clearly undermining the idea of fair and appropriate policing and eroding the public trust in the department and in the institutions of society, making it more difficult for everyone to do the job. In addition to that, protesting against legal processes and punishments for killing people goes so clearly against what the job is supposed to be, that I agree with you. There's no defense for their actions and they've shown they have exactly the wrong kind of attitude for the job. They weren't protesting against an over-the-top punishment for some minor infraction. Protesting over stuff like this means they essentially approve of the killings.
@Mortibella 4 жыл бұрын
blechtic I agree. If my employees took a sick day to protest a co-worker being fired for murdering someone, I’d tell them they could just not come back at all. Sick day to protest for almost any other reason, go right on ahead.
@galinaursachii7030 4 жыл бұрын
The Lorax Bolton comparison just killed me! Stephen is so cool, calm, and composed, that whenever he delivers his jokes they really catch me off guard every time. What a wonderful man!
@lisagulick4144 4 жыл бұрын
Goodbye, Aunt Jemima. They weren't fooling anyone by removing that do-rag scarf!
@IAmSuzyQ 4 жыл бұрын
Trump's having a rough time with the SC decisions. Let's hope it gets even worse for him... Next!🍿 1. ✅ LGBTQ rights 2. ✅ DACA rights 3. Trump's taxes *They said to expect a ruling by late June/early July. 👍
@baimken3001 4 жыл бұрын
if 3 really happend..USA ppl knw his lost billion dollar
@BAKER22-l4u 4 жыл бұрын
LET'S HOPE YOU GET OFF THE DRUGS
@dragongirl7978 4 жыл бұрын
@@BAKER22-l4u ...Was that supposed to be an insult? I've heard better from toddlers.
@phoebe5843 4 жыл бұрын
@@BAKER22-l4u Hahaha
@lynw1623 4 жыл бұрын
Bob Baker Sounds like you need to get on some...meds.
@imanners1 4 жыл бұрын
The true professional in this video is Stephen’s wife. How does she keep it together? I can’t stop laughing!
@simonfrederiksen104 4 жыл бұрын
hardened veteran, she's been exposed to him 24/7 for decades
@sciencenate 4 жыл бұрын
Really? It makes you genuinely laugh? I like it and watch it but it only elicits smiles at a maximum.
@mrrsnlk03 4 жыл бұрын
I know, As soon as he breaks into his trump voice,I can not stop laughing.
@edithfisher4098 4 жыл бұрын
Money?
@JuICyBLiinGeR 4 жыл бұрын
Because you laugh at anything.
@hayesdabney 4 жыл бұрын
"Three Weeks Held Accountable."
@bradleyostmann9197 4 жыл бұрын
Most public toilets no longer have lids in my experience, not that many Americans would exert the extra effort anyways
@phoenixjklin 4 жыл бұрын
I mean I thought everyone knew flushing the toilet could fling the contents everywhere. Close the damn lid, people.
@FULL-HUNDRED 4 жыл бұрын
Exactly !!!!!
@MK-hh1vo 4 жыл бұрын
Some public toilets don't have lids; horrendous!
@troperhghar9898 4 жыл бұрын
"No one is harder on China and Russia then me" Yes Donny you are very hard like a very vigorous hand job to dictators
@florencedebear1576 4 жыл бұрын
It killed Kim Jong Un.
@ghostmobiil 4 жыл бұрын
He can't have any Putin if he doesn't beat their meat
@oldrrocr 4 жыл бұрын
bet that dictator Donny REALLY thinks his dictator club loves him, when in fact, they laugh at him. Hope we get someone new before he loses NY in a poker game.
@killero00 4 жыл бұрын
@Juzek Pilsucki Brainless trolls provide me with never ending disappointment
@mkvk74 4 жыл бұрын
@Juzek Pilsucki Must be nice to have such a low treshold for being entertained.
@pierschurchill4310 4 жыл бұрын
Thank you for keeping on! Loving your stuff in Nova Scotia!
@julieberryman6917 4 жыл бұрын
“Horngry!” 😂😂😂. I need to use that one.
@elenawilliams32 4 жыл бұрын
Some US residents voted for a reality show cast member and now you're all playing Survivor! I continue to wonder who still believes he's running the country well?
@ekdaufin1485 4 жыл бұрын
Unfortunately even the ones who didn’t vote for him have to play!
@paintinganimalsonrocks7633 4 жыл бұрын
Who believes he's still running the Country?
@bepowerification 4 жыл бұрын
people who go to his rallies without masks but with their confederate flags..
@travelingangel7517 4 жыл бұрын
The moronic 300,000 who tried to get tickets to his rally.
@frankjeager9043 4 жыл бұрын
I wonder who believes he or any president runs the country. Makes no sense. Every president before him ran the country into the ground with no breaks. Boltan is a liar, propped up then by amazon a company that is responsible for the equivalent of book burning.......can you really trust any media source? The media is owned by 4 companies. 2 of which are owned by one guy. Then youve got airheads like this claiming they arent the news but they go more "in depth" than the likes of CNN of FOX. They are pawns to sway public opinion. All this prick does is shit on your president. But look at the devestation and wars created by past presidents you all praise. One nation under idiots would be more appropriate
@Monk-Amani. 4 жыл бұрын
"It's been a rough few years, these last two weeks". Stephen Colbert
@VGFlash 4 жыл бұрын
Automatically made me think of how in Dragon Ball Z Abridged time made no sense
@crunchy6931 4 жыл бұрын
1:35 😂 😆 🤣 you’d think I’d have learned to NOT eat food during your show...from this time on I couldn’t STOP spraying my iPad LMMFAO
@rainegillespie154 4 жыл бұрын
"You know how my ties are made right?" Everybody on the planet: Ohhhhhhhhh Snap!
@errgag3580 4 жыл бұрын
Who else but the genius Trump could bring back the 1918 pandemic, the 1929 Great Depression, and the 1968 race riots all in one year?
@amyroselarcinese8205 4 жыл бұрын
I'm dead 🤭😭😭😭😂
@PsionicNoMad 4 жыл бұрын
You know, when you think of it that way that's an impressive accomplishment, horrifying, but impressive.
@Vostadues 4 жыл бұрын
Bro... It's called "Overdue-Achiever"... Chasing achievements of the past~!
@eschdaddy 4 жыл бұрын
Holy shit! Well said!!!
@carol648 4 жыл бұрын
Yes! So well done, err gag! And just one of those horrible events would be a nightmare! Times three...will we survive it? I thought surviving trump alone would test America's mettle!
@JinxSanity 4 жыл бұрын
"But nobody had ever heard of it" Translation: I didn't know about it but now that I do, ya'll pretend you didn't know about it!!
@FirstLast-di5sr 4 жыл бұрын
And those of my supporters that did know about it, take a moment to pretend that makes you smart. 🤣
@florencedebear1576 4 жыл бұрын
Well why didn't Uncle Ben Carson speak up. Or Diamond and Silky -oh, sorry, they don't know jack
@bestieswithtesties 4 жыл бұрын
More like "I've never heard about it and since I'm the smartest person with the biggest brain ever obviously no one else has ever heard of it either ...... what? What do you mean everyone already knew about it? ..... We put out a statement about it last year? ... Good.. good. Because I knew about it so that's good we did that"
@IMSiegfried 4 жыл бұрын
@@florencedebear1576 You forgot Candice Owens.
@cathycotton9635 4 жыл бұрын
This one had a lot of belly laughs! Thank you
@CaptEoNinja83 4 жыл бұрын
That look Stephen does at 12:08 is both hilarious and adorable at the same time. He loves his wife so much, it's awesome!
@michellemcmiken8952 4 жыл бұрын
I thought the toilet thing was interesting. In NZ, we have several toilets in malls that refuse to flush unless you put the lid down first. Others flush before your arse has left the seat so perhaps they need to work on that...
@NewMessage 4 жыл бұрын
"Horngry" I.. I don't wanna see that Snickers commercial.
@onieni9779 4 жыл бұрын
This deserves more likes 😂
@Didgeinator92 4 жыл бұрын
I guess now wouldn't be a good time to bring up its catchphrase, huh?
@mema0005 4 жыл бұрын
No emoji because I am actually crying at this comment
@neutronpixie6106 4 жыл бұрын
A video on Pornhub popped up a few weeks ago with a girl wearing a Horngry shirt. I think I know how Steven has been spending his time off air.
@originaljackofhearts 4 жыл бұрын
Alternative uses for the candy 'BAR'. Melty chocolate everywhere.
@jameslasso1690 4 жыл бұрын
The courts decision on DACA was bizarre because they agreed Obama executive decision is not a law and different executive decision can cancel it, but they said arguments were not detailed enough as to why change it . That is , the court is not judging legality of change to DACA , just technicality.
@luvsilly60 4 жыл бұрын
I am conservative. Being conservative does not mean being against anyone. The term conservative is being perverted.
@gabysblog6582 4 жыл бұрын
" do you get the impression the supreme court doesn't like me?" What is he 12?
@doneestoner9945 4 жыл бұрын
I think he's 6.
@tempusfugit6820 4 жыл бұрын
Ok no fighting here, let's average it out to 5
@ericno4u 4 жыл бұрын
How sad and desperate he is to be loved, no wonder he needs a rally to boost ego be dammed the small percent that are going to die afterwards.
@karensimonpeterson3574 4 жыл бұрын
As a former preschool teacher, I think it’s more like 2.
@robertbrennan1295 4 жыл бұрын
No one likes you!
@deathwitheponine 4 жыл бұрын
When’s the last time you used a public toilet with a lid? I haven’t seen one of those since I went to London in 2017...
@richardpierpoint7515 4 жыл бұрын
I live in Edinburgh, Scotland and most of the public toilets here have lids - don't know why it's different in the States... ;)
@deathwitheponine 4 жыл бұрын
Richard Pierpoint right? You’d think the nation most full of shit would embrace the lid to keep the smell at bay at least. All jokes aside, I’m also jealous of the fact that your toilet cubicles are not built with 2 inch gaps at every possible opportunity.
@653j521 4 жыл бұрын
@@richardpierpoint7515 They cost more and are vandalized often.
@dweiss1 4 жыл бұрын
So, the gentleman in the chef's hat on the front of the Cream of Wheat box is not a chef?
@dweiss1 4 жыл бұрын
My question above was truly a question. I wasn't aware of the history of the logo. Now that I've done some research I see that it does have a racist history in the way the chef was portrayed. My apologies.
@marymoon39 4 жыл бұрын
I ♥️ your show! I wish you could hear me laughing out LOUD!! 😂😆🤣
@davidpumpkinsjr.5108 4 жыл бұрын
"The only people buying Cream of Wheat are those whose favorite flavor is wet." - That's freaking brilliant!
@reeferseasalt 4 жыл бұрын
🤣🤣🤣
@HighHeelKnight 4 жыл бұрын
Two years ago, I started closing my toilet lid before flushing in order to prevent the spread of germs. I guess it is a good thing I've had plenty of practice.
@alrightyru 4 жыл бұрын
I also breathe out as I lean over for the handle
@cathieludemann5879 4 жыл бұрын
I thought most people knew this by now! Silly me. Ruthe, I hold my breath! 😄
@g7vqedave2 4 жыл бұрын
@@alrightyru I find I'm generally struggling for breath long before my legs go numb.
@batintheattic7293 4 жыл бұрын
Bravo. I think I'm going to have to place a little sign to remind myself and the other toilet patrons.
@k7in846 4 жыл бұрын
Lmao the pause after “2nd.”
@traceeford2914 4 жыл бұрын
Thanks, Stephen, I'm never eating cheap syrup again.
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