That's what I told her ; those comments hurt and they really grind a person down until there's nothing left but a bitter husk. That's exactly what I was becoming because I kept hearing her words echo over and over and would fixate on my flaws and how "yellow" my teeth are

They make you depressed and miserable and then blame you for it lmao

100 %

Yes, and Enjoy every minute of it as well as making it all much worse whenever possible.

I was in a relationship with an alcoholic, drug abusing womanizer. I put up with it for years because I thought that was all I deserved and he would one day see the light and change. Lol! I ended up depressed and suicidal and a shell of my former self. He told me he couldn't handle my depression after I had put up with over a decade of his disgusting behavior. They truly are sick creatures.

It's amazing how on point this is about Trump, a textbook case of narcissism, magnified by unmerited wealth and brought up with an aggressive sense of entitlement. Are narcissists more likely to be behind a narcissist candidate like him? Do they enjoy identifying with him? Does he validate their sense if self? Is this a statement about the prevalence of narcissism in the US?

narcissists and codependents are victims of an abusive childhood

Truthbomb

Even 3 yr old children behave better than narcs Its a spiritual problem

for Years my brat Cousin used my apartment like a Gas Station Toilet- when i avoided her ( she was 20) she told HER MOTHER " carol isn't nice( lying snitch)

yep, I do my best not to take the bait.

Sounds like how I was raised.

and what made me "good supply" incredible

The constant poking can truly be a challenge for me to not go into unglued mode.

Agree with the baiting…recently happened to me and my reaction after months of this was to blow up….and I immediately went ‘no contact’ with the offending narcissist . Not willing to put up with this any longer. Peace in my world since!

You get it. Dr. C

exactly.

Sick

but when they offload, they feel really GOOD.

100% correct

agree

the bit that riles me is laughing in my face saying im a fckn lazy b#####d and all other names and then blames me saying it all my fault and putting me down everywhere we go.

I dumped one 2 months ago - no contact sent them insane, I gave no reason or explanation just left them hanging, they had nothing to control me with, best day ever. Best laugh is they moaned and complained how nasty I was just made them look nuts, it backfired.

Yes unless on deed to house try that with undiagnoised NPD

Yes. It’s not like they give a shit about us

Seriously. Dr. C

If only it was that easy. How can I make it easier on myself? I'm open for feedback please?🙏

Using words like “NEVER” is like saying we all are living the exact same narc nightmare. In many cases desperate abuse victims may see “NEVER” as “this must be only way.” when it’s not. If I used your exact rulebook. I would “walk away” while Mama Narc verbally abused and manipulated our 8 and 10 year old daughters. My NEVERS would be… Don’t waste time thinking about what they want. Make sure you do everything in your power to love, help, and support the 2 individuals that didn’t choose any of this. I could care less if the narc sees me angry. My kids on the other hand…I want them to see daddy get a little crazy when defending them. Don’t give a shit is nice, but I’m too busy giving a shit for my girls. How the narc perceives me is irrelevant. But turning my give a dam on and off continuously would probably confuse the girls on the stability of their dad. And if I walked away…I’d keep walking straight into oncoming traffic. Cuz living with that decisions wouldn’t be an option. I apologize if this comes as an attack on you. We aren’t the bad guys here. When I was learning about this world, I got sucked in by so many statements like “It’s never a good idea to…”. Motives aren’t being questioned. Would hate for that desperate victim to live by a thesis meant for you. Thanks.

Yes!

Yes madness!! Good word.

I’m hoping for that. I keep on going back over and over somehow I can’t break off from this bad relationship

@@ediekovac9112 Keep watching these videos and otherwise getting educated. Even if you never decide to leave you'll be in a better place. If you get enough self esteem you may decide you're getting nothing from the relationship and you will leave. Either way you win.

@@steviep9780 I just need the strength not to feel lost without him and when he’s around I’m only miserable and being blamed for everything is going wrong. 😔

@@ediekovac9112 I am meditating for your favourable outcome. Sending you strength. You will be victorious. Trust yourself to handle the situation. You can do it.

Oh , the smirk !

They can even get that smirk in their voice somehow. The narc evicted me effective July 1st. I was shocked, he claimed he was giving up the property due to ill health (I'm a nurse, where is the ill health?......anyway he promised to help me find a new place to live as I don't know the city well, help me move, help me settle in, and make sure I have everything I need. Hmmmmm. It's August 19th, the property is sold. Technically (if I were a believer) I'm still waiting for him to tour me around the city and look at apartments....because after making all those reassuring promises he vanished. Not one lick of help. I found my own spot, moved my bedroom, and kitchen gear. So 2 days ago I get a call, after months of silence, full of dupers delight smirk voice, "is there anything you need me to do to make u comfortable?" (I have no furniture still as he has that locked in storage). So I replied when are we going to look for places to live like you promised in April? Gee he hung up. LOL

Yes, always great satisfaction in causing great harm.

@@joywebster2678 They love to be needed so that they can say no. Power trip.

I know....🤮

I said that to him one day “You can’t control you self but you think your going to control me ?” The look on his face was priceless!!

They only act the way they act, because they feel miserable. They don't love themselves or have peace within themselves. So, they try to cause you misery by arguing, saying ugly things to you or about you, and even talking about you behind your back.

Right. They know it all, but u know more

The sad part is... This isn't exclusive to narcissists. This could be a reaction to having never really been in control of your life. I have caught myself doing that with people, where I'm sometimes controlling as a defense mechanism of not wanting to let myself be controlled.

@@Junokaii but if you're not a narcissist, you learn that's not a nice kind of behaviour and feel guilty afterwards.. at least that's what I had. I was very controlling in my first relationship, but after we had broken up I felt super guilty I acted this way and before the next one I wanted to better myself so I would stop being so controlling of others (or in my case my SO)..

Thanks for this I’m printing to remind myself 🤗

Thank you Joy

It's disgusting.

My narc dad demands fear disguised as loyalty. Yet, he shows me no loyalty.Two-faced liar!(Dad)

Reading your comment I saw my mother smirk. (Gotcha grin and your whole comment is perfectly well-put!)

Sage: You just made me remember a look that my now ex-friend (whom I knew all my life and could not realize how abusive she was until decades later to me) gave me some years ago. Sorry about that convoluted sentence but I am dictating. I have turfed her from my life and it is sad and a relief. Years ago she absolutely insisted that her husband do my yearly income taxes for free because I was “a friend” as she said. I tried to insist on paying but she said no way I was “a friend”. After a couple of years she came over to get me to go out somewhere. I was visiting my parents in my hometown from Toronto where I worked for 25 years. She was looking up at me from the doorway and handing me my taxes done by her husband. I had a funny feeling since I am intuitive about the look on her face and have always remembered it. I think it was that gotcha look and that is what I felt afterwards although in those days I had no words for what I was going through except hurt and then she would be nice and confuse me. When I opened the envelope later when I got home, and I was visiting my parents from another city at the time, they had charged me for the taxes. I could easily pay it but what kept going through my mind was this terrible hurt that she said they would not charge me because I was a friend. It was as if she was saying to me I wasn’t a friend. I knew it could not be her husband‘s decision since he was terrible at collecting his bills even from his clients who were not friends head and I knew by that look on her face as well that she was the one that had made the decision to charge me. Even my mom who adored my now ex friend commented on how they had charged me. I used to stay in the bedroom downstairs when I visited home and when I was finally alone hours later I had a big cry. I did fight back in my own little way in that the next year when they asked where my taxes were to be done by the husband I told them that it was easier for me to get them done in Toronto and that was the end of that. But as always with this particular ex friend the hurt was incredible. I think my problem with emotional abusers or narcissists or people with Narcissistic traits has always been with female friends.

It’s got a name, that smirk - it’s called Duper’s Delight. Witnessed it my whole life.

@@motorcityblacksheep121 Devil's Delight - Evil

@@kimvannote5024 Indeed!

You found the exactly the right words. Well said! To point 6: my daughter and me call it the "stickyness" , made up (emotional quicksand?) and probably only found around certain narcissists.

@@luxurylifestyle2510 , it is a bad, painful situation and you have to have a lot of patience. I had a long term friend in the neighborhood my narc husband turned against me . I avoided her for a while, but we are getting to be on friendly terms again. Now I am seeking to join groups, that he has no access to (women only, different native language etc ) My best wishes to you.

Yes, I am currently the object of a narc smear campaign but I'm praying the tables turn.

@@lynniekaye7513 I turned the tables around on my narcissist sister. I started to expose her and 100% was truth. It's all about timing, but it will be in your favor at some point. The narcissist personality is hard to ignore, but the opportunity to reveal is there, just by educating and observing the signs. I'm grateful for videos on this subject and person's relating their own stories.

@@cassiebrown9786 Thanks for the encouragement ☺️

they try but then came you stay strong

Right how can they enjoy it, being hurtful and destructive. It makes them feel powerful. It's a cheap high. Don't try this. Once upon a time I had a cat. Recognizing the difference in capability, i intentionally did something a little mean to it. It was an experiment -- to see what it felt like. For an instant I felt that huge difference in power. I could do ANYTHING to it and no one would know. But then I saw it squirm & wiggle, it was uncomfortable. I felt guilty and ashamed

In the previous comment I told you about my cat. You may have noticed I called her "it". I had to objectify her to do this experiment. That is what the narcoholic does to us. We get objectified, we are just "things". (I didn't harm my sweet cat in this experiment)

....unless they are pure evil. You answered the question, they ARE pure evil.

They are evil! Make no mistake about it!

@Mary Carroll I do hope they wind up in hell. They get away with so much here on earth.

LAURA CATOLDO ... It's laughable now but I used to get the flowers and chocolates to try and get himself to feel better/good. He thought that would make me softer toward him but I was much more clever than that. Once I divorced him, I was free.

The therapist term for the token compliment or other token kindness is "breadcrumbing."

It was hard to realize when I being abused I have been around narcissists most my life but when I found out on thing about them they couldn't touch my authenticity I'm proud of who I am

You are saved 👍

I know exactly how you feel. Same things happened to me from members of my family and I couldn't understand why they hated me, were so mad at me so much all the time when I didn't do anythings to them and found out they had told ppl it was a surgery I had got bcuz I didn't get 1 stretch mqrk with 2 pregnancies and my body stayed I'm shape and apparently they hated it so they told ppl very harsh lies they made up about my vagina and what I do to make a living.

Please God let them get rid of me!

@@reneesoli5345 I feel the same way…..

100%

it s hilarious, but they still track u, and wonder what your doing

It's really sad but no matter how good you are to them, they'll never reciprocate. Then publicly "Out" you for being a horrible person for not putting up with their shit

Therapists lol

After making you doubt every reality and rational thought process and start to feel that you are losing control they will have achieved their goal: You are now crazy and need them to control your life because you are a bad person who needs them to " Control You!" Hopefully before that happens you can start seeing the pattern and get very . Very far away!!!

Wow! Yes. I experienced that: "You need to see your psychologist! You're really having a hard time!".....and all of it over what THEY were doing. It is, truly, impossible to negotiate with them.

@@deadmanswife3625 Exactly

Nobody.Repeat.Nobodu calls your therapist unless there is a previous arrangement.

Anytime I have called the narc out or am upset with them about their behaviors or actions, I"M the one who's creating all the "constant drama". It's pure insanity.

Yeah my block list has all good part of my family on it to you. Have a wonderful day

I haven't spoken to my family in quite a while either. Dont plan on it soon if at all

This is very sad, the shredding of what could otherwise be a strong family.

Yes, it is very sad. It's sad for everyone, but especially my 90½ yr old parent, who has been my siblings' target.

It is incredibly sad. In my family I think it partly comes from their total inability (and need) not to have their pathetic lives of failure exposed. So they target those whose lives are defined by the opposite

That is the ultimate boundary! Often the best one, too.

@@chelleb3055 In some cases, it's THE ONLY boundary that works

It’s really bewildering at first . Especially as they are good at portraying themselves as on your side HA. As if.

Thanks for the heads up. So glad I kept from My Droid the levers that could cause the most harm. To know now he would use them against me makes my blood run cold and has me thinking Wild Thoughts.

@Millicient Aspinet And many more outside your county, as we live now in a very connected world.

Yes, they want you left with nothing and no one. They can all go to hell.

my life the now

Don’t wrestle with pigs, they will drag you into the mud.

@Mary Carroll sorry to hear. Please find some good support systems like a therapist to help you navigate this and stay safe. 💖

Educating yourselves on the manipulative tricks of the narcissist is the best way to defend yourselves. It works!

Meditation has helped me in this area, consider it, it really works!

@Mary Carroll oh jeez I think magnesium has saved my life lol/ No more paralyzing anxiety as I try to get out of bed in the morning. So great for keeping that cortisol under control

Yep, you do have to "deprogram" your entire life, after having been entangled with any kind of narcissist!

Let me guess. Was thw 5th one an enabler who considered themselves to be a "peacemaker" and in reality was using you as a shield? If yes, that was my family too! Except there were 3 narcs out of 4 family members (and the 4th an enabler)

It’s such a revelation when you know.

Same - I’m 56 and my mother still terrifies me

@@diannebrett4074 may you find freedom from her. I found the book Mothers who Can't Love by Susan Forward helpful. Mine died and I had nightmares and day scares about her for some months. Distancing from bullies and learning better ways and being safe with kind people for some years has brought me to a happier, calmer place. I hope you can get away and recover. We are not obliged to stay with a cruel mother or any other tormentor. I thought I was, but now I know.

@@michelepascoe6068 Thank you very much - I will look up that book. Wish you well in everything.

@@diannebrett4074 thanks. Courage and joy to you on your journey x

They just can't say, You're right. Dr. C

@Mary Carroll Just work on yourself, with 0 expectations, and good luck!

Well stated. Dr. C

David P. I was in that situation. If I reacted I got a hiding, If I didn't react I got a hiding...

@@rosemarydudley9954 yup..fkd either way with them. Its always a Lose lose for the non narc.

Yay for you! Good job 👍

Once you call them out and its right on the mark, it is never the same for them. Ironically your intellect is not a value to them. A diabolical conundrum that only escape provides serenity.

Thats how they shift blame onto us.

Yes, it is so interesting to watch once you know what they are doing. So sad too.

@@bradmcewen Intellect and logic mean nothing to them. I stopped wasting my energy on trying to “talk sense into them”. 😩 ugh

Baby M: I am dealing with the N. Aging parent too. Would love to hear Dr. C speak about “ The Aging Narcissist”. I am constantly wondering : is this aging or is it narcissism. Trying to maintain some patience and empathy…..

I had to cut ties with my sister, her husband and my step mother because of this. Good Luck out there.

Minimize contact…

My sisters mother and father lol Wow

Based on the lies he told about me, to others.

Pathetic that someone gets their jollies by tormenting a fellow human. Dr. C

That's why the videos are better than therapy. Most of them just buy their summer home with the tears of people like us.

dump her

Yes I've found the more malignant and farther down the narc scale they get the worse their destructive behaviours

Make sure you see the video, Recovering Your Worth After Leaving A Narcissist. Best wishes to you, Lynn. Dr. C

My simple definition of love: brings out the best of both. Do well.#2, the 💯opposite of "you hurt most the ones you love" NO‼️

No they don't win 👉 GOD FORBID!

❤

🙏🏼🙏🏾

It takes Time to heal. Just like a physical wound.

Just prayed, Lisa, that you will find your way out and through and feel God's strength and love all the way through.

I hope you made it out!

They will try a scorched earth plan to get others to do a family intervention to get you to " Come to your senses" since they will have everyone believe you are crazy. Then let the games begin. All over again!

dont I know it LOL these jerkoffs

Can definitely relate, happily divorced now 😊

Always before people arrive.

And remember Nurse Ratched.

@@wallymarcel1 I called her Nurse Satan. She was pure evil

I am sorry that happened to you ! That has occurred to me in the hospital as well, in addition, to where I have lived/ and currently living ! They create scenes to FORCE you to speak to them, use weapons (Finances, psychological, physical) to control, use what you cannot stand and use it either against you to highly irritate you ! For example, if you like a clean work/home environment, they will create a mess to agitate and leave it for you to clean up ! If you speak the TRUTH, you will be "Punished" or "Set up" to smear you ! These individuals are the epitome of sadists and the games they play are clinically insane and CRIMINAL ! (Illegally entering into your LOCKED bedroom, touching/stealing/destroying your property, eating your food, -despite leaving countless notes -in both the room/refrigerator, ignoring boundaries, then LYING about it). Then you hear the landlord say ," One more week"...while he is on the phone ? What ? One more week of sadistic torture ? I need one more week so I can smear her ? It is bad enough that I suspect that my privacy has been violated for a VERY, VERY long time ! The whole situation is INSANE and filled with criminality/victimization ! All true...

Sorry to hear, what you are going through, as a knee replacement is already difficult enough by itself. Wishing you strength and patience while you recover. When the wound is healed, you will be glad you had the surgery.

Oh yes

Best wishes with the counseling! Dr. C

There comes a time where you have to draw a line and force yourself to stop caring if they're mad at you...they don't care what you think, why not reciprocate the same action? The narcissist in my life (unfortunately, a family member) blew a lid on me a few weeks ago, yelling, name calling, the works. I stayed completely calm and silent (mostly) throughout the deluge and since then, haven't heard a word. Why? Because I put my foot down and wouldn't budge on what they wanted. All a narcissist wants from you is someone to use, nobody deserves that, nobody! Be the selfish person the narcissist may accuse you of being and take care of yourself first. I wish I could remember which video it was on this channel (I've been watching a lot of them) but one that hit home for me was when Dr. Carter said to handle your interactions with the narcissist like they're business transactions. No emotion, just doing simple business like going to a bank to deposit a paycheck. Using that approach worked for me. Perhaps using a similar one might work for you as well. Best wishes!

CB Holmes -Thank you for your honesty. Not caring if they're angry is hard for me too. I feel like my mission is to completely accept the fact that the narcissists in my life are not the people I wish they were. I have to fully grieve the loss of my illusions about them. It hurts. But I think for me, feeling my grief is my way out.

@@lovesings2us very well said! I am there, right with you!!!

@@lovesings2us As am I!! Right on target in the grieving process

@@123raven4 Thank you. May the power of love and wisdom continue to spark your hope!

I'm so sorry. Thankfully you've found Dr. C and you can heal and have a wonderful life. 😊

Same here!! And it's hard to get away from thinking of them as "misunderstood," when really they were very deliberate and cruel. There's just no excuse. Seeing her for what she is helping me build my confidence and self wirth back up though, instead of taking all the fault on my shoulders like I was raised to. Actually, I used to think I had a really good poker face as a child because my mother never seemed to notice when she hurt me. But now I see the truth: I actually have a very expressive face, she saw how much she hurt me and she enjoyed it, and these days she tries to watch my face extra carefully to see if she can hurt me again.

Very sad. I also lived your experience. We are survivors thanks to Dr. Carter and many more.

Absolutely, I was so confused when my narc mother smeared me to others by calling me an “Oscar award winning actress”, while simultaneously gaslighting me. The reality was the projection was so real!

@@thecoldglassofwatershow Very well put and I completely understand!

If you don't mind me asking, how many years were you married? And when did you start to realize things were not healthy?

@@laurenbatson5918 22 years and I started noticing issues slowly starting around year 3-4 and especially once we had kids. It got worse over the years and took me awhile to identify what the issue was and stop pretending it was ok and making excuses for it. He had a rough childhood and for along time I felt bad for him but eventually I started feeling bad for myself. Then I left.

Congratulations on your divorce!!!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

@@ndgirl584 Narcissists will always play the "bad childhood" card. It overlooks the fact that most who have had bad childhoods don't go on to hurt anyone because of it! It's guilt tripping, manipulative BS. It is also a form of gaslighting they get into with it. Most of the time the narcissists had an okay or good childhood and they are just making sh*t up. Like the rest of the Lies they tell you on a daily basis! I knew a narcissist who told people his parents physically harmed him, in terrible details, and he admitted later that he enjoyed shocking people into sympathy for him. He enjoyed knowing they would never get those thoughts out of their minds after his fake emotional retellings. It was horrendous. They are psychos.

Married just four months and she went from live bombing to total discard . For six months she told me to forget the past meaning her ex and the whole time she’s texting him cutting me up . She can’t do nothing on her own and I always have to help her and she could careless . She’s a cancer and she stop having sex , puts me down and calls me crazy of course … luckily I have tons of videos and texts of her . She’s so bad she called the cops twice on me first she told them I hit her which all I did was toss a love letter she wrote to her ex infront of her and other she said I stole her pendant and cut her LV bag . They came and did nothing . Now I have to diivoce Her and cost me a fortune and have to throw her out . She will go crazy and call the cops when I do

After a session of screaming at you loudly, while they claim they are not screaming, and you calmly replying, or calmly trying to make them understand this is too loud, too aggressive, but they just carry on screaming at you, never pausing to hear your replies as they throw questions at you. AFTER all that, they catch their breath and tell YOU to CALM DOWN. Really, a narcissists screaming at you, is just a monologue to them, the CALM DOWN they express at the end, is said to themselves, they dont even see you, other people do not exist to narcissists, that is why talking with a narcissist is like talking to a wall, they are just impenetrable, and then they start screaming from a speaker on top of the wall that is them.

Stay strong! You're why I do the videos. Dr. C

It's very intentional. It's a matter of deliberate choice. Dr. C

I didn’t either. Always thought, and was told, I’m too sensitive and they didn’t mean it “that way.” They meant all of it 😢

He explained to me in the beginning that he loved causing fights arguments and pissing people off I said I didn't understand he described it in a bar setting so I just thought he ment he liked fighting men in bars. I ask why he said it gave pleasure a thrill. Wow Boy did I misunderstand but lesson learned still don't understand why anyone could be like that crazy.

@@sophiablast7514 They're crazy, yes, but I see them as very seriously sick at soul level. There's something putrid inside that drives it all.

They have decades of baiting you, then sitting back & smirking when you finally unleash on them. As long as you remain unaware that they do this on purpose- you will remain their puppet. Stop being a puppet, try your hardest to remain impassive/non-reactive. Then, detach from these horrid people. It's awful until you learn learn their "games" & go gray Rock until you leave.

Yeah you're on target, but I have to be careful of the google censors. Dr. C

You too huh?

You might only need to get 200 miles out of range of personal visits and quit Facebook

Block them all. You have to stop being reinjured in order to heal

So weird how this rings to me. These people like to have a scapegoat.

If I see 8 red flags in one person, I'm outa there. Dr. C

Shari, I'm so glad you got away from this person. Dr. C

I’m in this predicament, right now he’s threatening to go to my church and make a scene and tell horrible lies and at my work, so stressed out by him constantly

Dad is my devil!

Christa Muths,You look stunning,hope you are not with a narcissist....

You are exactly right. Their leader is SATAN.

You are so right. I need to do a video that hones in on that angle. Dr. C

And no matter how much you plead with them they never stop

The thing is I never choose to play . I never realised game till I figure out what he was . Then I research and realised. Noone would volunteer to play .

Once realise your in a game it makes sense . So sick

@@SurvivingNarcissism yeah I agree...endless material I'll bet

But why would we want to watch the narcissist suffer?

Excellent way of explaining this

I love our virtual support system here. Dr. C

Not alone . Here for you

He is brilliant ♥️