Yes receive your peace, you just be cool, thanks for your help, your comment, my community, i thank miss lady,

Sadly, some are so uncomfortable with any autonomy ...hang in there

This is why I wear AirPods, haha. 51 years! I thought 42 years was bad. I can’t imagine another 10 years of this. I finally packed up and left last week but before I closed the door, he said “so you’ll be home this weekend ?”

They are some sad people.

🤗🫶🧡🩵✨🤍💛❤️✨💚🧡🩵🩷🪷

In The Netherlands we have our prime minister Mark Rutte saying: I don’t have an active memory of it 😑

​@@ek9348 How convenient, right? It worked for Reagan in the 1980s, and now it's standard for world leaders when they're in legal trouble. 🙄

I am so grateful to be learning about what narcissistic behavior is. My older sister, who’s always been mean, self-centered, self righteous, and a couple other things tried to tell me last year in March that I did not call her for her birthday when I know I did and she wanted me to say I did not call her which I was going to do that. Guess what her statement was I don’t remember that. Since then there’s been some stuff going on with her and my other sister and I blocked both of them because they are displaying ugly narcissistic behavior and I will not tolerate it. They are not mature enough to come to the table and have a conversation so they get no space in my life.

Thanks for the reference!

It's evil...Narcissist obey Satan....and Satan gives them a feeling of 'better than'....yet eventually it destroys relationships and eventually destroys the narcissist also. Society is Narcissism, and it's falling apart because evil progressively gets worse.

Sadly so much of it these days, with social media having people thinking it's cool to not care. 😢

Sadly it’s true.

It's ripping churches apart. That's for sure! We are in a battle.

I was fooled the same way. So caring and attentive. We also had 4 children in 4 and a half years. But then the wheels came off the bus. And his true self came out. As we know in team healthy, once we say no to these toxic people, they turn into a raging , uncontrollable mess. Wishing you well. Take care❤

THEY ARE SELF ABSORBED.

Well, you just wrote the book on the whole d$@* thing! So sad and frustrating

I can relate to you. 3 years ago no contact with my sister. It’s not easy, but the longer you stay in no contact, the more you come back to yourself and you can analyse everything from a distance. You will probably realize than the abuse is more worse and longer going on than you thought. Keep going, don’t fall for their attempts to get in contact again! And I also still need the info over and over again to realize I am not the crazy one. Do everything out of selfprotection, cause it’s a positive motivation to stay put. You can do it 💪🏻

@@ek9348 Thanks for your kind words, and there’s no danger of me ever having any kind of connection or relationship with those two again, once you’ve been through it it’s a “Never again” situation for me!! With Dr C’s videos each week I will get stronger and it’s great that as a community we can spur each other on!! Thanks again for your advice.😊🤗

I have been NO contact with my sisters for over 5 years. They were horrible. The first time I put my foot down and made boundaries, I was met with rage and disgusting language. You will feel "bad " for a while, but then yoi will start to feel indifferent. Good luck 😂

@@teresacotton7923Me too! I look back over the last six months after going no to very low contact- except for family functions a and now know it was the best medicine for me. She was trying to bully me back in but I put my foot down and I stand in my truth. I practiced being extremely calm and she squirmed. I stand in my truth and I refuse to drink her poison. My older sibling. Sad but true. Stay strong.

There are a few heirlooms in my family that came with the story of how they were rescued from an ancestor's home before a greedy son could get grandma in her dotage to sign everything over to him in the will. Must be one lurking somewhere in a lot of family trees. 😮

I love your The Scapegoat Club title. Makes me feel not alone. The narcissist always tars you with the same brush they themselves carry as I found out.

@@heather3358 There are quite a few of us in The Scapegoat Club- I have a KZfaq channel where I talk about narcissistic families... if you ever feel like you need more support, you would be in good company! Take care

Agree. Dealing w sibling and my parents enable his superior attitude and downplay his nasty behavior. He does really well and buys them things, manipulates and has them wrapped around his finger.

Yes 36 yrs with Mr delightful. Let me guess. Is it exhausting? I mean the impulsiveness, intruding into your personal space (boundaries), need for supply (constant novelty seeking) very low reciprocal giving etc etc. He WILL wear u down. Keep Dr C close ❤

Seems to be regressing into toddlerhood as he ages? Responsibility drives him right up the wall? Wants you to think the problem is YOU? 🤔

Keep watching! You can sort it out and choose to foster good in your life.

U were right on it.

I’m so happy your husband realized and apologized to you and your daughters. That gives me a little hope My father in law was a baptist preacher and the head of household and submitting is a big part of my life

I don’t have any friends outside of work and don’t see any of my family except for my daughter. I see her as much as I can. I do put my foot down there. She’s about to have her first baby and I know it’s goi g to be a fight for me to go be with her. I wish I didn’t have to come back

I have self loathing myself and I carry so much shame for things I’ve done. But I am not a narcissist. I married one. My life is such a mess. I do t know how I’m goi g to get out of this

@@alicerice8506 sounds as though you are in pain. I don't know quite what your circumstances are, but I do know that though God is good, and the Bible is true, sometimes the way people understand His words and put them into practice is wrong or even bad. Keep seeking to know Him better. Ask Him any question, pray for His guidance when you read the Bible. Have a look at what other teachers and denominations have to say about hard topics. I recommend the book "Ten Lies Men Believe". Written by a man, he addresses what Paul really had to say about women (he considered them as co-workers with their own spiritual gifts, not inferior creatures who could only operate "under a man's covering"). For your feelings of shame, guilt and regret: Do you believe that Yeshua/Jesus made full atonement for you and that you can be forgiven and cleansed by trusting in His perfect work on the cross? Just by sincerely asking Him to forgive for all your sins, known and unknown, intentional and unintentional, you can have a completely new start. Forgive yourself. Extend grace and compassion to yourself. Ask God to show you if you are bearing false shame put on you by others. You can be free of it. I recommend the You Version Bible app which has wonderful plans and an encouraging video message every day. Can you join a women's Bible study group for fellowship and to discuss the Word and pray for each other? This has been a comfort and strength to me in dark times and remember, you are part of God's worldwide family of loving brothers and sisters. Find the ones you get on with ... ones who are kind, not judgmental.

@@alicerice8506 about having to "fight" to see your adult daughter: I suppose because she is an adult, that the difficulty is with her, not some other person? I recommend learning about Parental Alienation in case that's happened, and also about Estrangement. In any case, "fighting" doesn't work. On KZfaq, Tina Gilbertson has a "roadmap to recovery" on episodes 97, 98 and 99 of her Reconnection Club. Short episodes, very helpful. Focus on finding some healing for yourself and know that you are worth loving. No-one is perfect and every parent makes mistakes. Two of our daughters were alienated against my husband and me and I fought for decades to restore the relationships but everything I did was interpreted in the worst way and they ended up despising me more and treating me with contempt. Our younger three daughters did not believe the backstabbing lies about us and we have good relationships with them. I learned to let go and detach emotionally from the cruel daughters and am so much more at peace. I pray for courage and peace and wisdom and hope in the right things, for you, friend.

I went no contact completely & I have just turned a peaceful 65

@@caroleminke6116 I am trying but my siblings chase after my adult children to tell them they are innocent implying I am making up all this drama. Everytime these people come back into my life, they bring their negative drama with them. But, I am trying to break free.

Keep trying, & think of doing some self-compassion/self-love work for your own self care ❤❤❤

@@Rain9Quinn ❤

It's hard I only will see them in small increments when I have to but no contact most of time

I don't know if it's blinders, or more like having been surrounded by a fog. Give yourself some grace, because you have just found the missing piece of a very confusing puzzle. I can remember that moment myself, just like learning to ride a bike. There's the moment you find the word for it and you just can't unsee it anymore. ❤

Might not hurt. At least you'd know your options.

It really helps to have this info, doesn't it? I'm finding the sorting of who's really acting badly opens my eyes so much. It's a long road, sometimes hard, but the improvement and info help me keep sorting out what, and who! the problem is. Good luck in your voyage too! 🌹🌱😊

Love it! We need more of these initiatives.

Agree 💯 Such an oasis this community is!

You are quite welcome

Agree!

In the church?

Communal narcissists, I believe that situation is called, and in this case, I guess they literally take communion together. Time to shop for a new church! 😮

Losers without a Focus become agents or Flying monkey for Wicked Witch if North.

​@@cc1k435more like communion Narcissists 😂😂😂

““Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. For I have come to ‘set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law’; and ‘a man’s enemies will be those of his own household.’ He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it.” ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭10‬:‭34‬-‭39‬ ‭NKJV‬‬ “Another parable He put forth to them, saying: “The kingdom of heaven is like a man who sowed good seed in his field; but while men slept, his enemy came and sowed tares among the wheat and went his way. But when the grain had sprouted and produced a crop, then the tares also appeared. So the servants of the owner came and said to him, ‘Sir, did you not sow good seed in your field? How then does it have tares?’ He said to them, ‘An enemy has done this.’ The servants said to him, ‘Do you want us then to go and gather them up?’ But he said, ‘No, lest while you gather up the tares you also uproot the wheat with them. Let both grow together until the harvest, and at the time of harvest I will say to the reapers, “First gather together the tares and bind them in bundles to burn them, but gather the wheat into my barn.” ’ ”” ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭13‬:‭24‬-‭30‬ ‭NKJV‬‬ “Blessed is the man Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, Nor stands in the path of sinners, Nor sits in the seat of the scornful; But his delight is in the law of the Lord, And in His law he meditates day and night. He shall be like a tree Planted by the rivers of water, That brings forth its fruit in its season, Whose leaf also shall not wither; And whatever he does shall prosper. The ungodly are not so, But are like the chaff which the wind drives away. Therefore the ungodly shall not stand in the judgment, Nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous. For the Lord knows the way of the righteous, But the way of the ungodly shall perish.” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭1‬:‭1‬-‭6‬ ‭NKJV‬‬ Shalom The word of God shows us that we identify who is responsible for the behavior (wickedness) we don’t accept there council, as we expect them to behave accordingly, and don’t take offense. And we know that we are the good seed, planted next to the bad seed, in hope the bad seed would see the fruit that you bare, so they taste and see God is good. And if not we don’t take their council, and love them through their pain. As love covers a multitude of sin. Shalom ❤

““You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt loses its flavor, how shall it be seasoned? It is then good for nothing but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot by men. “You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.” ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭5‬:‭13‬-‭16‬ ‭NKJV‬‬ One more God Put on my heart Shalom ❤

I am experiencing the same thing, I do feel poorly after spending time with them so I only go when I am feeling extra strong, it's unfortunate for everyone.

@@David-eu1ms if your believe in Jesus, then you were planted on purpose next to the bad seed, in hopes, the believer will walk in Jesus feet, and know they are in darkness and can’t see, yet you do. So that’s why, love ❤️, solves the problem. It confuses them, some might turn around, most wont, but we must shine bright, and salt the earth, to bring in more lost. We take the authority God gave us to loose and bind also. Here’s a link to a video Ladderrain333 did on spiritual warfare. Shalom

Honor thyself

You're kind, Fred

You made it, though!

That's about the level of maturity we're dealing with, no offense to PeeWee.

I love it. Lol

Very apt description. 😂

Im in the same situation. Three teens, a child and a baby. They want out and I too, homeschool. I dont want to give that up and my good interest rate on my house.

I am too. I know I can't live with him as it's starting to feel unsafe, which is how I knew it was time to go. I don't want to lose my good interest rate, either, but I decided my life is worth more, and I don't want to worry that my own teenager won't want to see me because he doesn't want to be around his dad. Those have been my deciding factors, and it makes a lot of things much clearer for me.

@@cc1k435 very good point.may God help each of us on this rocky, stressful journey.may we come out alive.

You might want to ask Dr. Kim Sage or Dr. Ramani as well. Don't get me wrong, I love Dr. C, but Dr. Sage & Dr. Ramani talks a lot about BPD. Just an idea.

@@mday3821 Thank you so much for the advice. I really struggle in this area.

​@@Ari083 It's really hard to set boundaries with people who don't respect them anyway! 😕

FOLLOW YOUR INTUITION. YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T TRUST THEM SO SHARE NO PERSONAL INFORMATION. THEY WILL USE IT AGAINST YOU. PROTECT YOURSELF AND LIFE.

@@treelover1050 I am trusting myself. I need ways to keep communication open without trusting them with stuff 😏

It's nice to hear straight out exactly how much"give" you can expect in their behavior! Made me laugh too. 😂

I'm not a psychologist, but you can't put your grief aside and forget it, you need to grieve for the parents and the childhood you didn't have or the grief will always be there. You have to deal with your situation so you can move on. Keep learning about narcissism. Keep looking for a counselor, there is one out there for you. Have you considered going no contact or decreasing contact with the toxic people? Like I say, I'm not a psychologist, I only know what I've learned from others. Keep listening to Dr. C. You have my best wishes. ❤

You're welcome!

They still lie even after the evidence. Like you fabricated the evidence.

TALKING WITH THEM IS LIKE TALKING WITH A WALL.

Run for the hills. Run away from this place. Believe me, it's for the best. I speak from experience. No church group or religion is worth losing your mental health and autonomy over. If you stay you will be sorry eventually, you will be burned, you will be abused somehow eventually, especially if you try to rebell, those narcisstic leaders will be out to get you and make an example of you.

So pleased!

Dreams tend to represent your unfinished business. So glad your mind is working it out!!

Please know that I'm so happy you're improving, and I consider it an honor to be on the journey with you!

They always accuse you of things they are doing themselves. Sometimes, it's a great way to know exactly what they're up to, actually. Accuse you of cheating, overspending, being a narcissist in need of professional help...🙄 It is as close to self awareness as they're ever going to get, probably, but I've heard it described as them projecting their failings onto you so they can punish themselves through you, if you can follow that. That's how costly they find it to own their thoughts and behavior. They can't do it. ❤

Yep.

Aloha, Rita! Great to hear from you.

So pleased for your encouraging comments. Thanks.

They are very similar. Lots of overlap

It's like trying to reason with a dysregulated toddler.

I did this 20 years ago and it was the beginning of the end with much suffering for me for those 20 years.

Glad to!

Lots to unpack, Nancy.

do you have a narc proof dating strategy ;)

Narcissist are highly codependent, and enmeshment is a key feature of that. So yes, it's a big red flag.

I hope you are no contact with her.

@@treelover1050 She died in 2005 aged 85. I stayed in contact with her. I was the only one with her when she died. I did confront her about it. She said she did it because I badmouth her to my partner. Appearances and image is evito these people.

I have no problem at all with what you are saying here.

@@SurvivingNarcissism I really appreciate you. You make me feel seen, heard and most importantly, understood. Thank you.

I’m with you 💯 !! 👍

Google and call the domestic abuse hotline. They may have the very resources you need.

DON'T LET HIM KNOW YOUR PLANS.

Make a very detailed plan and move quickly when you are ready. If in danger contact the authorities for advice and help. God speed.

We think differently.

NO NEED FOR A HUSBAND TO LEAD . A WOMAN CAN THINK FOR HERSELF AND DISCUSS ISSUES WITH A MAN IN AN ATMOSPHERE OF EQUALITY.

@@treelover1050 You don’t understand what biblical “leading” is. My wife was involved in every decision we made. I was NOT involved in any decision regarding her 15 year old now daughter. Hence why I am divorcing her. In addition to her extremely high spectrum narcissism. I was honest about my finances, she was not.

@@SurvivingNarcissism You don’t understand biblical “leading” What is the current divorce rate here vs India?

@@treelover1050 So you have the same gifts as your husband? He has the same gifts as you? I highly doubt it.

My narc has a "harem" of flying monkeys. He will even talk about me with them in my presence. But, I better not do that. When I told him I discussed our situation with my sister, all hell broke loose. He's still fuming over it, and spewing hateful remarks at me because I dared talk about him negatively.

My family culture was to never talk about the family. I never complied… when i got to my late 50s i learned about narcissism, and could see they are all narcissistic (extemely)-explained so much! And, i am the villified member of family/not equally a member (per their stated opinion! but biologically we are all from the same parents…). They will never change. No contact, as soon as my mom has passed (dad already did…i saw his worst behavior so clearly i didnt/refused to recognize it in my sibs….🙄 denial-not just a river in Egypt 😂

@@Rain9Quinn My sympathy to you and anyone else raised by two narcs! One was enough for me😥

@@Hatbox948 Let him fume!

Yep. The first thing asked by my narc husband if I said I talked to my family is an angry, "What did you tell them about me?" 🙄

1. Not talking to friends.. I had to disconnect from all of my friends that were connected to the Narc...

2. Hard evidence.. They won't ever be wrong..

3. Faking them out.. It sounds like people-pleasing..

4. Calculating.. I would almost use the word devious..

5. Gothard.. Narcs love it when they have loyal subjects..

The good Dr is more than fair and responds to questions with the information he is given.

@@angelawade1445 He could have responded differently to that one. There are ways he could have dealt with it that would have appeared to be unbiased towards either party, as the facts were not clear. He was a psychotherapist and as such should always be thinking there are two sides to every story. He is perpetuating a myth about mother in laws in that one, because there are just as many narcissistic in laws of all sexes, and some are unreasonable daughter in laws who on the surface sound okay. I worry that presented with the same scenario in a clinic he would have taken it at face value and done the same, He is on a world wide stage and that bears responsibilities about the things that are said. Psychotherapy abounds with men and women who have not studied how society views and unfairly judges women, and unfortunately neither have their mentors. He strikes me as someone who would like to know how it impacts others. If he read it I am sure he would. As with most internet things there are too many to read.

You are so welcome!