🎯

*distinction*??

RIGHT.

The first time I brought this concept of “we” up I got the silent treatment

MsTammi125 Hang has n there, friend! Keep that chin up, and your spirit alive!

MsTammi125 Hello! Please seek the Lord, Christ Jesus...I promise you that you are in need of HIS strength that is able to get you through! Psalms 62 6 He only is my rock and my salvation: he is my defence; I shall not be moved. 7 In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God. 8 Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us. Selah. Please take the time to watch this video with an open mind and heart! :) kzfaq.info/get/bejne/h6yom5V3qt7NZ5c.html Peace.

Keep with it's a lot of knowledge to take in but it is my best shot at the present time. You likely really hurting as it's insane and does not add up then check the problem like the math I learned. I am not able to pretend what I think you choose to do about it,I am sure you are in the place of free knowledge if like myself you are seeking to understand what you are going through and I have been getting a lot better as far as along the lines of what happened to me and I'll always be glad to have found Dr Carter's channels on this site. I am sure you will be able to figure out how your going to be able to put the past where I only wish I could say that snap and it was De Narc and that's the thing. Wishing you your own life back in the best way possible that you find a way to accept the things done that's what I feel like brought me back away from the edge of the cliff for an anolagy in my mind's eye for lack of a better way to describe it and I will be about something like two months of trying to get a grip on the subject. Praying for you and your peace of mind that many people are like minded and seeking. Heal up and get the tool's you are able to for future use as if I'm in the mind to battle it I armed with effective weapon's and cornered may have to battle many times before I get there and I have learned that I can withdraw from my enemy's advance and the advantage of surprise and the psych war to soften us and learn how defeat us with word's as weapon's and this has happened to me and I was just dazed by my opponent. I learned that I can stay in honor for myself and her dishonor is mine too I was not left with any honor and speak to you about the man who is still in love with the one I chose to marry. I'm sorry you're hurting and in time I will heal and get whatever is left gathered up and start again and if I learn how to cope I might be able to make something positive to have to remember and I have been damaged and am not now or ever have been anything but damaged goods for that I am in true reality. Best regards and wishes for much smoother ride to where you want to be

Praying

Yes! And a spiritual one at that! ❤❤❤

LOL 🤭

Lol

That grin part. I had some health issues after delivering my baby, I was in tears describing how I felt to my husband, all he could say or do was asking stupid questions pretending he cared.. And I swear to you I could hear him widely grinning on the phone while I was crying in pain.

Absolutely!

They never approve of anything, never happy for you, feed off of any stress you are going through and always try to piss you off and get under your skin

Yes they NEVER CONGRATULATE YOU!

THAT smirk. would love to wipe that off with bleach. BUT!! that would be not a positive thing, would it? it is a daily conscious effort to disengage, go forward, and keep positive. hard to do when you spend the work day with a snark.

Get the hell out especially while you are just dating , don't be like me - married to one and can't get out.

@@trustnonarc6780 I’m in a similar situation!

@@trustnonarc6780 you can get out! I divorced mines!!

I am trying to learn that to deal with my narc H, its hard when he keeps pushing it 24hrs.

I say, Thank You, over & over:):)

And so easy to be hard on ourselves...

@@micheleagren1604 im not ashamed! hes shaming me

@@Julie-ev5js not ashamed! he is the one shaming

i did nothing wrong. next day he forgave me, what a joke!

Try the gray rock method!

T97Frida When they do something wrong it’s called shortcomings. When they fly First class Economy is called Asshole class. Because I wouldn’t let him sleep with me in a twin bed at my parents house I get called a Dick and a Bitch but it was worth it just to have my own 🛌😂. Seriously you’re 55 and your still name calling. You big baby 👶

That summary is the majority of my family... almost word for word! 🤯

This is a perfect summary. Thank you. I hope you don't mind I copied it into a word document so I can refer back to it after future encounters to help keep myself from feeling guilty and in the wrong.

L H Please feel free to do so! I’m glad if reflecting my own experiences helps you ❤️

@@laurawilliams4034 How awful that a "grown" man can act like that! But i'm glad that you got to enjoy your big bed and big sense of victory! 😁 I'm in my mid twenties and get scared when I think about how staying with a narc could lead to being in a relationship with a scary old man yelling at you, while you at the same time feel mentally younger than you felt back when you fell in love with that less-scary person in the beginning of the relationship.. That's definitely something something to think about when you already feel small and weak.. I can't even imagine the struggle when you are also physically weak :( Thanks for reminding me 🍀

if N. is understood, then why does it persist? teens in adult bodies.

@@dianedeclare8541 because when we don’t or won’t wake up to it, we invariably enable it.

Nancy Luckhurst LOL My father use to say those exact words! Always struck me as odd. Now we know. 🤣

Pretty sad. Dr. C

Surviving Narcissism Thank you. That it is. Been over 10 years since no contact for me with him. He wins, I guess LOL In his mind anyways.

That is is it, Narcissist mantra, they're stuck in a timeperiod, probably their childhood when that method worked for them.

I love it.

Yes and yes. Dr. C

I thought he was going to say it come from a child growing up with a narcissist, so they learn how to be co-dependent at a young age lol

Def. a reflection of what’s he sees in his home and the ones influencing him!

I was too! Then I was out in the wild and was told I was dumb, green, naive.... My heart hardened a little but not 100% Not nearly as bad aa some. Just made my closed off and winey and my comments and thoughts always were "nuanced" thinking ppl were playing games more often than not. It messed with me to be around "sophisticated" people... But the purity of the heart of Jesus that I learned about and loved as a child was always with me and guided me. I know I'm not perfect. Nobody is. But I know I'm headed in the right direction with him with forgive, love, charity... Being a dark person doesn't always happen with one big act of cruelty... It's small moments if playing the victim too often, thinking your problems are the biggest (because they feel like it!!), being afraid to give anymore, always watching your back, doubting... We think we're just being "realistic" but we end up cold and reactive and stingy... Even the most kind hearted person and sometimes the MOST kind-hearted person can be burned and scarred. It takes faith to stay giving in this world. And DISCERNMENT. Discernment is beautiful. It's being realistic about who someone is.... But it's NOT judging ot trying to change them.

Yeah, children that in many cases, must be responsibles for other people lives.

Absolutely, but I think, is necessary to help narcissist persons too, so to avoid they make the same mistakes and hurts other people integrity.

I always think love prevails. I am an empath. Will never change. But being taken advantage of hurts.

Maria Trakadas, narcs have a natural radar for empaths like you. I've been raised by my parents to always consider someone else's needs and feelings, and this way I learned very early that giving and acknowledging other people's perspectives can be a very awarding virtue, cause it helps you to grow, gives you the opportunity to learn so much. You know you met a narc when you figure they don't value your attention and your effort to understand them AT ALL, but keep on trying to make you feel like you're never trying hard enough and act like you have to apologize constantly. That's the point where empaths like us have to learn how to draw a line, how to set boundaries and how to protect ourselves from "energy-vampirism".

Words to live by. 🖖👍

Nancy, I get caught off guard too from time to time.

We're all human and do these things on occasion. We ALL have room for improvement. I sure hope you're not beating yourself up over that. One of my favorite sayings is: "We do the best we can for where we are in life." Or Mya Angelou's saying "When we know better we do better." Narcissists make it VERY difficult to take the high road. It's a learning process for all of us. Some days are better than others but the more you practice you'll eventually get better at it. Stay strong! Blessings.

Narc's will never change, it is very difficult to be civil with them. Once you process the FACT that they do not change then you must work on changing yourself or going strict no contact.

Keep on the high road I must say I respectfully wish you are left a path to honor even if the trail is less traveled and I think it how much is really good for me and my way to try to remain in honor and I am trying to honor the dishonor I am receiving and find it's not the easy way when you are already bleeding out and have dishonor shown at every turn, so I respectfully wish to honor you as to a old romantic dreamer and fool,honor at any time unless under extremely heavy duress, and in the case of survivial anything is more honorable than quitting and surrender in my old fool's twisted reality.

After hours, sometimes days, of being berated and demeaned, it's hard to remain civil. We all try, but we're only human, after all.

Ralph knew what he was talking about! Dr. C

Bravo 👏🏽 To leave a place always better than before

Lovely. Thank you.

That made me feel like a success, and I wasn't feeling very useful lately. TY

I love Emerson's Essays. What you quoted is beautiful.

Feel for you. Wonder if you could find a live in job this summer? Holiday park/pub. Covid bollox allowing.. Or go back to uni? Mature student, you could get funding, and live elsewhere? Whatever you decide, good luck and don't give up

I really empathise for you , I was inmthe samw situation but have recently moved out after living with her for over 7 years. I got out through luck and the benefit system awarding me with p.i.p and housing benefit due to my ill.health living there. You honestly can do it. Firstly you could try donation based counselling or the wellbeing service for a solid regular support. There are also some great books on amazon about narcssitic mothers and daughters of this trauma to help guide you. Put yourself on the housing list in your area and just know you can and have to move out xx 🙏

Surround yourself with trusted friends 😘

Dad is the narc; I can't be bothered with his nonsense anymore!

My dad, I no longer bother with him. I am 60 and I don't live with him, his loss of a punching bag!

Exasperating is exactly 💯°

Praying for you

Same here, Ty Dr. Carter!

Ive lived this insanity for 6 yrs not knowing what to call it also. I made up my mind to cut him off completely and I now have peace.

Can you please do me a favour and have a look into ADHD, and see whether the person you were going through the situation with matches that profile? Tend to be gifted people in some ways, but it is deeply disabling I'm terribly sorry that it's such a difficult experience for you to navigate through, but I've got a hunch that it isn't as cut and dry as the Dr is hypothesising

@@dreamweaver8331 My father doesn't have the typical symptoms of ADHD. He's a successful businessman who is well organized and knows what he's doing and doesn't show symptoms of ADHD. He fits all of the signs of a narc though. He has trouble empathizing because of a troubled past. Also a lot of times I feel like I'm only valued by him as long as I'm useful to hm.

@@hershy1594 My dad's very similar. A Dr of psychology who watched me wear black all the time and relate to slipknot etc and constantly tries to dominate everyone... I seem to be on the opposing end of the scale, and feel too much empathy with everyone, and it keeps me in a state of depression unless I stay occupied I quickly click with other ADHDers who either run businesses and outwardly appear in control, or the opposite who are constantly jumping from job to job, searching for purpose and meaning and escaping from the cage of emotions I've come to conclude that me and my dad probably clash because we're more similar than different, but our experiences teach us different lessons about our engagements with other people and our environment I hate my dad deeply, and am trying to repair the bridge at 30,because I love my lil bro so much and promised him I would If you were to unravel his behaviours, do you find many similarities in traits you share?

I stand behind you on this decision. Dr. C

Surviving Narcissism thank you so much. Learned a lot in these last 4 months.

Nancy Luckhurst, he’s manipulating you. My narcissistic boyfriend did the same. He would emotionally/verbally abuse me in a horrifying manner then gaslight me and play the victim. It’s what they do.

Nancy Luckhurst, that is what they do to control you. He manipulates you into believing it was you who acted inappropriate. He's shifting the blame onto you to intimidate you and to keep you believing you owe him something and therefor you need to please him even if it feels uncomfortable to you. He finds pleasure in seeing you being upset and hurt and defending yourself - for something you don't have to apologize or defend yourself at all. That makes him feel superior. I know it's super hard, but try to not react emotionally to it. Respond but don't react, stay calm and don't let him involve you in debates that lead to you taking blame. Show him he can't make you feel miserable, show him he can't control your feelings. Good luck, my very best wishes for you, Nancy! x

He is in victim mode so that he does not have to bear any responsability

@@T97Frida Thank you!

So sorry you are going through this. It is definitely abuse, and it took me almost 20 years of marriage to realize it. It's been two years since I got up the nerve to leave him, and I am still raw and hurting. I don't trust myself. Every decision I make, I question. Just like he used to. Please take care of yourself, look after yourself, and know that you are not going crazy.

Stay strong! Get busy! You deserve better!

Joie de Vivre Morph same.

I took a narcissist back that I was miserable with for a year. It slowly became worse than the 1st time around. They are NEVER faithful or truthful. So glad I left for good. Now I watch youtube videos on narcissist behavior whenever I miss him..it helps alot.

Joie de Vivre Morph Run! Its never going to get better! I can’t stand mine husband now but can’t leave. Its all financial.

the time will come. Save save save.xx

Yep. The 5 year old kid has more concern for others than a Narc

Exactly

Thank you!

There is definitely chemistry and friendship, but the covert narc isn't challenged by them in any way, so they don't find out and they're not aware, they're too insecure or afraid of abandonment to call out the narc on their covert behaviors. I feel alot of individuals will waste years being friends with narcs and it will end very badly, or they just end up never finding out they are a narc and the narc will remain happy and use that person for all they've got. That concerns, saddens and maddens me. My dad is basically a door mat for my mom and he's too insecure to call it out, he's always on his toes, 24/7, with her bipolar moods, nagging and narcissism. So self-centered. I wonder why he has depression...

It's never too late. Dr. C

You’re so right about it never being to late to learn about ones behavior. Here I am at 83 and paying close attention to Dr. Carter’s lectures. We seem to walk a fine line...as a retired RN thinking of others first is a given ....but I do not want to be regarded as a doormat !

Wow! I admire you!

Your not alone Jennifer. Divorced after 30 years.

Omggg! That's my husband, now if I say nothing, he'll have an argue inserting what he thinks I would say or what he thinks I'm thinking! So not!!!

Lisa O'Neill . THIS is so true and THE most frustrating part of ‘communication’ with the narc. I once said that I obviously wasn’t needed since he carried on both sides of an argument that I didn’t participate in.

Makes me want to just throw all of these lies at them HEAD ON!

You just described my situation. Amazing. Hang in there. There is nothing hidden that will not be revealed.

You are blaming and punishing yourself? Love and respect yourself everyday. You are worthy.

I didn't want to face the fact that such evil existed

My relationship has "gone cold" as you put it after 12 years. I was in auto wreck recently and this person is not dealing with it and just ignoring me and my injuries. I don't know how long I can live with this situation since I have to heal physically first.

@@chrisellementery1404 hugs. Some people can not deal with being helpless.

@@chrisellementery1404 May I clarify. They can't with being helpless to help. We have such a McD Thow a Way society that some can not deal with less than perfection and happiness. Are you giving them an opportunity to heal also???

@@rosejohnson-tsosie2552 I'm not concerned about this person's feelings anymore. To be so cold to me while I'm physically broken is too much to ask from me to be kind.

Exactly!

Completely agree 👍. And thank you again Dr. Carter

Lynn McIntosh yup , the narc I know too!

I am going to watch this again! I see the narc in all of this!

Or tactical maciavellian narcissism

I parted ways with a family narc a year ago. Blessed peace once again! I just told the person, "It takes too much emotional energy to have a relationship with you. Bye!"

The only emotions my mother has for me is antagonism, lies.

I'll take the goats ANY DAY over having her stay one more second here in my home. Ugh,

Need to start living.. Not surviving,!.

Got out after 37 years of marriage to a narc. Difficult road to take but worth it at as you will find all the people around you are narcs as well. But at the end you know the people who are still around love and care for you. The things you will see and learn will turn your life around you will see you have been living in Lala land and there is better out there.

Narc Shock thank you! I have been with him over half my life! I don’t even know where to begin to try and get out. He controls everything. Absolutely nothing is in my name the house, my truck which he constantly reminds me if I try to leave he will not let me have any means of travel. Mind you the truck is 14 yrs old and paid for but in his name as is everything. Some days I feel like giving up bc I’m tired of living in fear and always walking on egg shells. My kids honestly have kept me alive bc I don’t wanna leave them to his mercy! The boys are older now and see his ways but our 13 yr old daughter thinks the sun rises and sets with him! I pray and try to teach her that this isn’t a normal relationship. I always tell her to make her own way and to never depend on a man. I just pray she listens and learns from my mistakes. I love our 4 children and I can honestly say they are the only good thing that has come out of this relationship! Thank you for letting me vent! May God bless you and keep you close! 💚

Dawn Hart Open your own bank account and start saving without telling him. Get copies of all your paperwork EVERY THING make a file and keep it hidden. 2 of my 3 adult children are unfortunately taking the narc route in life my youngest who was 25 at the time I woke up to The Abuse took a good hard look at himself and has turned things around and still working very hard at it. He has you believing you are helpless if you truly were he would have discarded you a long time ago. Narcs only stay with strong capable people that can prop them up, you are that strong capable person. Take good care Dawn.

Narc Shock thank you for the great advice!

You will have to begin your own covert life one brick at a time until your escape. Do you have a sibling that might be helpful?

@@4whirledpeas I'm worried about the end result of this too. It will end. I just have to be careful that he doesn't end up blaming me for it.

Problem is your family won't be around to support him forever and his narc will ALWAYS be a narc. I say this because my family members all passed away and I became stuck with only the narc. He gleefully thought that them all dying was his opportunity to finally break me emotionally and mentally. I survived only because God picked me up and carried me. If possible please arrange a counselor so your son can have clarity because its a long, long life of mental trauma and miserableness that will never truly be enjoyable if he remains with the narcissist.

@@76482 we've got this, hon.

This is a good point.I tend to do the same.Then I wonder why I feel so broken.Time to treat it just the same as I do my kids tantrums.Let him have his fit,choose not to make it about me and u understand it's all about him,and dont pay him special attention till hes done.

Agreed. I think that all us at some time or another have narcissistic tendencies, or at least the urge to behave that way. It's pride, and something I struggle with myself.

Hang on! It's coming tomorrow. Dr. C

Rosco Woodward 🇮🇪

anyone with a JR dog is fine by me xxx

My dog is a tri colour fox terrier. Better fur and well behaved. Xxx

The whole point is to move beyond complaints and turn toward real healing. Dr. C

Received, with gratitude. Dr. C

When she calls you stupid, she's making a confession.

Parents can also be narcs.

60 years ago I was just 5, so it might not have had the same effect. Dr. C

My father in law, when I was married to his daughter, took us for a meal at his friend's place, his friend was a deacon at the church we attended, after the meal His friend got me aside and recommended I use medication to lower my sex drive, his daughter had very little do do with me anyway and was a super narcisist who was cheating on me. Funny thing The Father in law was cheating on my mother in law. I was the only one not having sex..... Go narcissism. May it go... To Hell.

The S/word 23 did he tell you she was cheating on you?

You too huh! What is it about them having toxic families? Is it this that makes them narcissistic? Is it something they learn from them?

ColTaylorDyath yes!

Thought I was the only person that married into an ENTIRE narcissistic family!

Love the beagles. Check out my shanty beagle if you want to ;)

@@backwatersandbackroads Thank you! I watched the Scooter Beagle Christmas. Your little Beagle is awesome and I am amazed he sits on that bike so calm like. Neither of the my Beagle's would ever do that.

@@sunbeagle9769 she's a real blessing in my life ;) smallest beagle I've personally ever seen. About 9 pounds. Thanks for looking;)

@@backwatersandbackroads Wow, that is very small. I have a male and female beagle, they really do love on each other. The male is 32 pounds; he is built like a line backer!

@@sunbeagle9769 I wish I could find a small intact male to.give my wavey gravy a liter of pups. ;)

Keep learning, Mark! Dr. C

Stay strong, Teresa! Dr. C