I just called my friend "exhausting". If I disagree, she acts like I am deliberately being contrary to everything she says which is NOT true. I just don't agree w/her, but deliberately? Never. It is exhausting!!

Not even a possibility anymore...

I don't even try any more, total waste of time.

Can not get the time back, though I can heal from the crazy making.

Yes draining,!

🤣

So true!

Literally! I escaped the narc he got into a nasty and dark estate of mind

That is SO true. When I left with my kids and pets, I had help from my family and the plan was well organized - knowing that this is the most dangerous time for the escapee's. The narc looses control over you, they know you have them figured out and that they aren't going to change - and to them, that's like death. But we made it out safe and sound thanks to my Mom and Brother.

Yes, I escaped from the toxic people, almost died, had no idea what he was, all of them are nuts, think they are Special, put me down for zeroooo, and I was yelled at for so much, silent treatment was terrible..I have no IDEA how I put up with all of this, when I fought back he got more upset and phycopath type, this was TOXIC...Thank Jeh God I left the house, it was a miracle I got out, even my pains were "all in my HEAD" WOW, I had gastroparesis and he was there in the hospital...still yelling at me in the hospital, no Empathy is right, getting upset with me when I was with a iv in my arms and I was getting yelled at, said not my GAME, I had no IDEA I was playing games with a Lier from the start, just lies on lies, he did smear my name all over, they even told me the Wickedness he said. He really played victim all over, while I was in hospital and homeless, he was on cruise ship living it up...All I said is the TRUTH, he also was a alchoholic, it's his family who created him... enabelers for him to play GAMES...I did zero...both my adult KIDS went against me...I would love to talk in Private...my mom did not even tell me till after what he said behind my back... They knew I was sick and in constant pains... RESPECT for my life was NEVER there..My own FATHER put me in his toxic drama and I only help other's with my heart and Saul to be USED..I see it all, my OWN kids Played games over and over, the girlfriends and husband's all judge me, for being shy and quiet trying to keep peace...

Yup...which means you can't have a conversation with them, especially about important things, your own needs.

It’s their “skill.” Ugh. Dr. C

And have you believe that you're the problem! It's like they all learned from the same text book.

@@teresarenee3829 You're so right ! My parents will take anything that I've shared with them in confidence (deeply personal things or important decisions) and use it in an argument to mock and insult me! That's very hurtful and a shameful tactic to use! They've even ridiculed me because of my incurable health issues and called me weak

@@FifthHorsemanofApocalypse sounds familiar...I remember being called a hypochondriac because I didn't feel good alot growing up, now I know it was most likely the onset of fibromyalgia, from child hood trauma being in foster care, then having a narc mother that was triggering it...

So true. False face covers false heart!

💯

It sounds like my husband

I agree. Even my friend keeps saying how nice the narcissist is. She's minimising my pain by doing this.

💯 ... People who DO "GET" what narcissists are about say DO NOT TRY TO INFORM OTHERS OF THE MUTUALLY KNOWN NARCISSIST'S LABELED DIAGNOSIS. LET THEM FIGURE IT OUT IF THEY CAN IN THEIR TIME AFTER THEIR EXPERIENCE

Exactly true

Yes but I also find they do the can't see you can't hear you stunt if you challenge them. They act like they haven't heard you.

Absolutely !!!

They won't receive the truth. Without knowing the truth, there's no hope. They're stuck, in bondage, neurological bondage. SMH.

My Narc friend would just talk over me when challenged on anything. He would often contradict himself on things, and when I tried to clarify what he actually meant, he would get very defensive and nasty. He put me on a pedestal at the beginning of our friendship, making all sorts of promises of loyalty and always being there for me and never letting me down. But then when I mentioned that he doesn’t seem to make time talk to me anymore, he claimed he was very busy, and that I was being ridiculous and my comment was unfair. But he then proceeded to send me lots of photos of himself out socialising VIP style with his friends. When I told him my feelings on this he hung up on our call and I haven’t heard from him since. So I think I can safely say that it wasn’t a sincere friendship after all.

I think it is called projection.

Now that's crazy 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Yes! the PROFESSIONAL Victim; sissysibling - he Weaponizes every event- ruins weddings, birthdays!!!!

@@carolnahigian9518 ....CooooOOOS it is NOT aboooUUUT HIM !?!? ;)

They are Not well. With them, everything is inverted, black is white, up is down, they're mad (as in madness.)

Let go of a friendship of 50 years realizing what a narcissist she is. Was at her happiest and heard from her the most when I was having a rough time.

Dance elsewhere! Dr. C

Looppp

@@SurvivingNarcissism o

@@SurvivingNarcissism do you have videos of telling people not to take the jibby jabby that they can get heart problems and Strokes from maybe blood clots.

@@SurvivingNarcissism i asked you a question????

Wow! Thank goodness! I wish you peace and happiness for the rest of your life

That's wonderful news Regards Wendy

Congratulations! I'm so happy for you!

👏👏👏

@ActiVestor: Congratulations!!!😃👏👏

BINGO! Even if your last word is logical and perfect they'll need to say something in retort, whether it makes sense or not. It'll just keep going. They must win at all costs, no matter if they look foolish. So, save yourself from looking foolish. Never argue with a fool, you might end up becoming that which you despise.

@@ASMRyouVEGANyet So very true!

I see everyone's responses are alike. And I want to learn to be on team healthy in all weather. I knew I was trying to show my people how they were being discounting and devaluing, I did not realize they were drawing me into combativeness. Thank you Dr. Carter

Will do !! thanks for sharing needed this!!

@@canduscanty8583 So welcome!

Right! Dr. C

♥️

Yes. They still have control over you until you break away completely. Then you really begin to heal. All the coping behaviors you put in place just to SURVIVE can fall away.

@@lindawise5546 You can heal, as can anyone! Anyone can heal, even narcs So far I have helped 3 narcissists totally heal, they don't even have tendencies anymore. One of them became a really good mother! Anyone can heal, never let anyone tell you otherwise!!! It's similar to alcoholism, in almost every way.

A friend does long text messages (by voice), and I usually don't bother reading them especially if she's ranting about me. She's the narcissistic one. I don't her negative words in my mind.

@carolhill8917 In my situation, this was the beginning of being capable of seeing and understanding who this person really was, and to emotionally disconnect and allow the space for my own thoughts and listen to my own feelings, and in time noticed how much better I felt in general. Like a strange fog was lifting, and like I was stepping out of a deep swamp I'd been physically bogged down in. And, in time, this ultimately allowed me to walk out the door, suitcase in hand, and no contact for over a year now. It was excruciatingly painful, but not a single day has gone by that I don't feel gratitude for having left. In fact, they were so unsafe I'm not sure I'd still be around had I stayed with them. I'm still picking up the pieces, and actually, their desire for control so strong that I recently discovered they'd hacked my Facebook account. There seems to be no moral code of conduct nor conscience or comprehension that such behaviour is not just unacceptable but also illegal. My advice to anyone who finds themselves in an intimate relationship with a bona fide narcissist is to get out, go no contact, and worry about picking up your life on the other side. Don't wait. But be strategic and safe because their behaviour can be volatile. And, if it's a 'friend', then my advice would be to stop all contact. When they inevitably start contacting due to their need for control and entitlement, be as evasive and boring as possible. Don't express interest in their activities and don't share yours. Don't encourage conversation. Pretend you're hectic to get someplace, but don't invite confrontation. When they confront you expecting you to fawn, expecting you to explain yourself, pretend you have no idea what they're talking about, you're just super busy, get off the phone as quickly as possible if they call or ideally let it go to message and don't call back. Respond to text messages late, not immediately. If you run into them out shopping or wherever have something in mind that you know you're going to use as an excuse to rush off. Say hello and be polite, but pretend you're so rushed and late to get to an appointment. Simply be too much trouble and too boring for them to pursue. If they're in a shared friend circle, be mindful of the fact that they will also be seeking information about you from shared friends and might also be planting seeds of toxicity in friends minds about you so that friends believe and side with them. This is to maintain their status, avoid being exposed, and feel in control of discarding. So be careful what you share with common friends because the narc might be hearing all about you. Ultimately, my advice to anyone involved with a narc whenever possible to get away and remove them from your life as much as possible. It doesn't change. It only gets worse. They are not going to change. They are comfortable and content with their behaviour, but deep down, they're empty, shame filled, and very low self-esteem individuals who will project their very worst insecurities onto you. They are toxic and dangerous and can do significant harm if you allow them into your life.

Sounds like my mother, only mine’s deceased. When I found out she had died, a huge weight was lifted, I was free, because I knew she couldn’t hurt me any more. Relief not grief was what I felt, and have never had regrets for those feelings. When people deliberately cause that much pain, then laugh in your face while watching you experiencing it, there’s no reason for them to complain over not receiving compassion and kindness from their victims. So don’t be surprised if you’re not crushed with the loss when she passes, but relieved, and maybe even a wee bit on the happy side because you don’t have to deal with that craziness anymore. It’s a natural reaction to escaping your life-long bully. Take care.❤️

@@libbylandscape3560 Thank you for sharing honest feedback about those feelings. My husband feels this way about his Mother. I used to think it was horrifying for him to say that he will never mourn or feel sad about her not being in his life. 23 years later, I understand those feelings. His Father is a co-dependent to his grandiose narcissistic Mom and they just love to control their adult sons (all in their 50's) by hanging carrots of money or inheritance. My husband finally told his Parents he craved unconditional love not money. "If you're just adding stress to my life then I don't want you in it." It has helped immensely with him setting those boundaries, but she has now prayed upon the other adult sons making their lives miserable. All of the sons have childish responses to family drama. I've seen everyone have outbursts and uncontrolled crying. Their wives secretly share the control they want in their lives. It seems to have a life-long, series of emotional issues when you are a child of a Narcissistic Parent. :(

@Cherrie Richardson Did I read that correctly? You said you only make very short visits, and yet you wrote that you leave within 23 hours? You spend 23 hours with them? (That's not brief.)

Wowwee!! That’s exactly my Mom. There are several facilities that will not accept her. Yet I have been here thinking I can help for almost 4 years and lost myself in the process. I really didn’t want to place her in a nursing home. However if I don’t do something to create space I will be t next admission…😩

Message me! How do I continue helping with the bank account? He does not want anyone to have access but I know he’s messing it up.

♥️ Excellent reminder, Thank you. I can't even describe how I feel after N catches me off guard and sucks me into that horrible gaslit vortex. It's like a nightmare.

I picked up because it was my birthday. I got a circus. Disregulation. Triangulation. Shame . Secrets. Abuse heaped on SG and myself. Team healthy. I am not the problem but I could use the life skills coach of someone to talk to

Combative ! When daughter had covid virus , l asked her on txt - "How is the virus?" and was beaten down for not saying " How are YOU ?" Later when she claimed 'long covid' , and l asked what effects she was experiencing , she was again accusatory as to that l had not asked about HER . Thanks Dr. Carter for clarifying this messy stuff.

@@raineliawylde1197 I was schooled over how to respond to a simple ‘Good morning’ text. Apparently not ok to respond with ‘nice day’. He said if we were together and he said good morning it was equivalent to me staring out the window and saying nice day. In my head I’m thinking, it’s a text FFS! Early on I also got the talk about texts being his love language. He felt ignored if I didn’t text him. I would respond to texts but wasn’t that proactive while st work. I prefer a quick phone call but even then I felt I had to and it was a control thing.

When you are least prepared is right. None of us can have an airtight safety plan for when that might happen again while getting all of our ducks in order which only includes us alone.

No kid deserves that, period. BTW, Happy Birthday! Dr. C

Good for you, what a POS...

With somw narcs, allowing them to realize you mean business and have the power to truly hurt them, they back down and leave you alone. There are other narcs that this doesn’t work on. Glad it worked for you. ❤️

Good for you!!

Holy hek you had a very brave spirit inside you. That's an amazing story. You are a survivor and so glad you had the know how to do that at such a young age against such a evil being.

Your lack of histrionics can baffle them. Stay steady, Erum! Dr. C

Keep smiling, it drives them crazy. Narcs have a guilty conscience, and need constant reassurance that you haven't seen through them and their bs. Your silence makes them uneasy. When a narc is comfortable around you, it is only because you have behaved in a way that reassures them, and that behavior makes you weak. You are strong, so go ahead and be strong.

@@bc2578 perfectly put! Thank you for the encouraging words :)

As in the words of Dr C...the gift that keeps on giving

This is the best tactic.. Recently did this with two narcs in my life and it is new for them, as for me! They just do not know what to do. And grey rock, limited contact...add that and its the best survival if you just can't cut off totally.

Amen to that

And breathing exercises, too. Walking, as well.

Imagine if your Narc husband is the one at work terrorizing people due to his lack of tolerance for doing things "his way." In our 50's, I can count several jobs where he's come home to tell me how he yelled at people or stomped his fist on the desk. He couldn't believe that I told him that under NO CIRCUMSTANCES is it appropriate to act that way in a Professional environment or otherwise. But he learned this from his Narc Parents and his dad who did things "old school" and bragged about demeaning people. He's learned nothing though and still blames everyone everyday (at least to me) and he thinks of his co-workers as much 'smaller' people than he is.

@@givemeabreak610 They are immature, if you call them on it, they will say you are paranoid.

Exactly, to a narcissist, caring about social cues and others’ feelings is paranoia.

@Mary Carroll I'm the oldest of 4, we have two younger brothers and growing up she always had issues with people. We are now in our late 30s so thats how long I have been dealing with it. The big change was my brother's wife...my sister tried to triangulate and get my brothers wife to not be around me but instead my now sister in law let her know how insane her issues with me were and that she would not be choosing sides. Shortly after that my sister was on speaker phone talking about me and my brothers soon to be wife and was caught by family members who then called her out on it. She ghosted everyone after that and only my parents have heard from her.

Since I was 1 yo, I have a narc sibling making hell of my life. He showed his narc traits at very early age. Later on, he imposed his rules about everything relating to our parents' care and they both had a premature and agonizing dead. Now he is keeping my assets for almost 10 y. During the day, I can control it but, at night, when I close my eyes, I can't help but praying and wanting revenge, asking for something very bad to happen to him and his enabler, hidden narc, wife, who worsened him very much since she appeared in our lives. Well, at least I am immunized for good and never had a narc man in my life. When I see one, I just run for my life.

Omg - I can only hope and pray that this happens to me

@@reginafarias Yeah ... these genetic narcs are the psychopaths. They're uh ... true geniuses possessed by a Jinn with almost supernatural powers. As Dr. carter says, just stay away from these in particular. They have a way of grinning that is a red flag, one of many. Learn the behaviors.

@@reginafarias Psychopaths have a certain condition like members of the Addams family. It's a strange, eerie way of standing and looking that Hollywood has picked up on. They're dangerous, evil and very successful at persuading others. If you are able to perceive them, stay away from them, have no contact.

Best wishes moving forward! Dr. C

I’m there with you. I counter attack people who don’t deserve it. I spent over 50 years playing this game and it’s a habit I have got to break. There are no healthy people in my family. Having a disagreement in a healthy way is all new to me. Good luck.

This is what I’m fearful of my own son (malignant narcissist) who has separated himself and family from me and all this side of family. From your perspective, growing up with this (my grandchildren seem very fearful and my almost 18 year old grandson -very defeated) how did you cope? Where you brainwashed? I am just so scared for the kids.

Look for videos on narcissistic abuse syndrome You can heal!!

Have you sought treatment? Kids don't end up that way on their own.

At one point mine said, "You piss me off so much I'm trying to have a fight with you and you won't give it to me." The whole time I'm thinking, "I just want the original Linda back" There never was one, apparently.

You sound like my daughter who just moved in with me. [I did not raise this one] She is leaving the miasma of narcissistic culture. We have wonderful mature conversations that she never thought possible.

♥️♥️♥️👍

Designated loser exactly

Me too!

Good 👍. I still see flying monkeys ten but I just ignore . Several have appeared to startle me but you know TS them! It's become to obvious. Laughable

OMG! You nailed it! That is exactly right.

Yes same here.but I seriously don't care.

You have changed I have to wonder what happened to the joe I used to know.

So pleased! Dr. C

So pleased, Angela Marie. Dr. C

@@SurvivingNarcissism I can't help but wonder how many of these people have sought wisdom from counselors and received none, but found that wisdom in your videos. I would imagine, many. P.S. Why have so few counselors, over the last 40 years, known about narcissism?

YES! There is a better way to live! Your remarks are SO TRUE. It affects your health in ways you can't even imagine! Living with a narc is NO way to live. God give us all strength!

Stop talking to the wall and go no contact. I didn't think it possible with my 60 yo sister because of family but I did it.

Remember they aren’t listening. Get out and go NO contact.

Once you see it you can’t unsee it. Dr. C

If you are able to leave him, do so asap. Mine was covert narc abusive verbally after I started saying "no" to myself and removed myself emotionally. He became really aggressive after that but he avoided physical attacks because these are more obvious evidence. Maybe you can put up with him since you have worked him out. But mine got so bad - he stopped working and tried to suck me dry and put me in debt. Now he is trying to sell the house after divorcing me when the kids are adults. Had I known about narcissism, I would have left him much much earlier. I survived because Jesus is my Saviour and I know He will fight for me in court.

@@cml2492 I totally understand where you are coming from at this point in your life. I am in the process of making a safe plan to leave and finally divorce him being that my two girls are grown now. He is using financial abuse at this point, so it is making things go a little slower than I would like, but I will get out. I am fully aware when leaving an abuser, especially a covert, malignant sociopathic narcissist like him, is the most dangerous time. I was also told by the narcissist that he could force me to sell the house right now because he doesn't want to work anymore either. However, in my case, four years ago the narc had the house put into my name only to protect the asset from someone who was trying to extort money from him for something he did in the past, which means I can sell it whenever I want to, and he now has no say in the matter. He is not too happy about that either...lol. It is so mindboggling how narcissists do and say the same things when doling out their never-ending abuse through all the different manipulation tactics they use. But as I said, I have my 'safe plan' on exiting this so-called 'relationship' in the near future and will be free once and for all. Take care and be safe at this critical time, C M. 🙏💕

Yes Lynda, that perpetual competition that you never agreed to or signed up for.

Best wishes of careful cleverness to you Ms Brown. I know EXACTLY what you are going through. Similarly mine took a return-of-capital distribution from our business unwittingly giving me majority control. When she was blackout drunk she told me how she would kill me in my sleep. Restraining order the next day. Harrowing.

Don't feel guilty, you are on team healthy...😉

Thank you for sharing this. I cant get away from them right now and it s so hard

Wow, agree with everything you said here. I feel the same.

Man 0 man it hurts me,cause i finally told my sister horrible words,its been rough please tell me this it hurts, i know they can love somehow ,its like im supposed to forgive her my whole life was hurtful just letting her control me the bad bad hurtful things she could do to people man it hurts, i have deep compassion for my family,this is bad these kind of people, my sister is not evil, my whole life i say is she my sister whats wrong with her, they had theories, trauma my dad was a drunk we were poor,i always understood my dad had faults my mom had faults i would try to understand my mom and dads life, mom had no mom daddy was a whore the environment, our families ordeals why was i so caring and reasonable understanding family and the Lord is real,it hurts me cause i turn crazy about this i tell my self she has mental case bad,my Lord knows our suffering the devil the works in life im disappointment so much cause i never miss treated my big sister,its bad to watch this type of person her whole life she sick im not im a bad person in alot of ways its bad to watch people that has no feelings about others she has done act like kid sex is her drug and she hurt me in so many ways,i tell ya it hurts for me the way i finally told her how weak minded she is, the pain she has caused for the family she really does i have seen her destroy people, its like she is not responsible for her ways her sickness man my big sister is like a insecure on life 0 dear Lord my sister i cant forgive my self for telling her horrible words iknow retard people, slow people i know a lot of people there ways i got to tell my self she is sick,i will never blame my mom and dad our poor child hood our environment i will not blame,them yea we had trauma im sorry she became this mind set, i love my family i have always protected all of them our fall out happen, the damage sucks, she has bad behavior pattern now she lives,900 miles away bad mistake you get old and learn but not sick folks,what does she have,personality disorder no empathy being dum being mean,in control ,Lord help these people some of them are real bad no empathy

Yes, my mother has gotten worse with age. It seeps into their personality, and yours too, if you let it. How she used me and my siblings as pawns, and still uses one of them like that. Breaks my heart. I hope the best for you!

Yes it's a great life when you don't take them seriously anymore.

@@deniseelsworth7816 Aye. I'm Learning. HUMMM: "JADA. JADA." 🎶 ". .+. a..little ..Whistle = "J.A.D.E." for: 1. You Don't have to JUSTIFY. 2. Ya Can't ARGUE (w/ a Fool!) 3. DEFEND? ... You* are the "Defendant," buddy! 4. Don't waste your breath EXPLAINING. - And, Never* to them! Good thing I had 60+ Years invested in 🧠 to it! B/4,* my Brain was 💥! Bocca Region & All 3 Nervous Systems, etc. --> + 12. GONE! Still, REHABBING my Writing. With some 485,000+ Pc.s of the Jigsaw Puzzle back together - over 4.5 years - I'm getting close to that Masters on "U/Tube *U.*"! (On top of RN Student -> former: LPN, Assoc. of Sci. and MHW.) ☘ FUN: Finding & 'Filling the Gaps' on my REVIEWs + a 40 Year Update! As ea. 2 CHAN/ Algorithm Day "unfolded". Resercher, @ 💞! However, a B.A. in Psych, + 5 Areas of Neuro-Sci. for further Exploration, AND the solid-footing of a 4-way Intersect; would work, too. As long as there's NO B.S. Anywhere near* my Name!! Lol I'm good with That. 🤣 (Too damn Old 2 ever use it, anyway.) Have a SAFE & *Happy 4th of July Weekend!!* | 🇺🇸 ⚖ 🎆

I recently charged my mothers rare visits looking for someone to reenact her terrible relationships by saying; " you feeling the need to correct , someone as her focus would be stuck in pointless corrections bi-passing anything more important

Wow thats amazing how similar the experiences are. Literally, over a color. HA! You could say the sky is blue and they will debate you as to why it's not blue. These people are soooo pathetic.

They prod,provoke,goad..in many ways...and target empathetic,kind people who do not like arguements and confrontations.

Observe don't absorb.

Yes Lord 🙏...

@@janasmith2463 even animals are nicer than them🤦

I do hope you manage to get away.

🙏💕🙏💕🙏💕🙏💕🙏💕🙏

Susan... I think largely they NEED to have the attention on them

Don't beat yourself up, should you slip up. I find they're best avoided where possible!

@@tootienottoofruitie1726 Hi, that makes sense! Thank you for that ❤️ I wish you all Merry Christmas and a wonderful 2022

@@louisafoster1640 Hi Louisa, thank you for your encouragement, and I’ll be using your advice 😊 Have a Blessed Christmas and great 2022

I think we have the same mother!

They can somehow argue when you are helping them and Agree with them !! How ?? Its insane

LP, keep notes if you can, times, places etc. 🙂

It's the Wal-Mart way that most businesses adopted. Treat employees like shite so they will quit on their own. Then hire a replacement at a lower wage. You have been there long enough for a raise so must get rid of you

@@lizstewart1532 i am. thks.

Great suggestion! Dr. C

Be strong! Life is too short!

sweet relief

I wish - mine just keeps following me and getting louder and more aggitated.

@@melaw5 I am sorry. In many ways there is no explanation. you may have to initiate a 4 year restraining order. I had a lawyer help me and it was worth the 600$

I have been a few places. it is the same everywhere.

@@wisconsinfarmer4742 I was thinking the same. Unfortunately, mental health awareness is sadly lacking worldwide. Thank goodness for the internet and a massive number of people are becoming aware.

I see people accusing others of being narcissistic to give themselves an excuse for rude and selfish behavior. It seems like these are the narcs instead of those they accuse.

I totally get your comments. It's like a can of crazy has been opened. It's NOT normal.

Have a lein put on the property for $$$$ owed to you, then chill. If that works for you.

@@mattdonna9677 I'm in the UK. So I'll be persuing them through the small claims court.... They got greedy with their counterclaims leaving me with nothing to lose except a small courts fee. If I lose, nothing has changed, if they lose, even by a small amount, the judgement sits on their record making their ability to borrow money or set up trade accounts almost impossible

I fully appreciate that that particular client was extremely aggravating as they have clearly acted most unfairly towards you and you have my sympathies. However as someone who has Autistic Spectrum disorder ASD, I take offence at your comment to effect that people with ASD are “difficult”. ASD is not some type of cluster B personality disorder such as anti social personality disorder or narcissistic personality disorder - the types a personalities which can be malicious and / or highly manipulative.

You are so welcome, Cyndi. Today is a new day. Dr. C

I’m so very happy to hear you got the upper hand on this. So many unhealthy people in the workplace. Kudos for being so smart and aware and mature enough to handle her. She will though find a new victim.