Black-fightback, Brown-lay down, White-good night.

My uncle, a long time hunter in Western Montana, always said ‘You can tell it’s grizzly scat because it smells like pepper spray and has bells in it.’ - RIP Uncle Pat

Bring a friend. Preferably one who is slower than you, when running from the bear.

I was attacked by a bear once, I never went to that bar again.

This whole bear exchange left me in absolute bits 😂

Please have CRAIG FERGUSON on as a guest! they would be perfect together.

1) Be loud while you are hiking. Bells do not work contrary to what this vid is talking about. Just be loud, intentionally sing, hum loudly, loudly state, "Hey Bear", talk random stuff, etc. This is to alert a bear ahead of you or behind you to avoid the trail that you might be on. 2) If you see a bear and it sees you, make yourself known to the bear (assuming you are at a distance). Prepare your bear spray: pull it out of your holding spot and pull off the safety on the trigger. Look LARGE: throw your arms up high and wave them around if you have trekking poles then point them high up to make yourself look big and if you have a group then get close to each other. Low pitched and loud-ish voice say, "Hey Bear." Back away slowly maintaining an idea of what the bear is doing in relation to your actions. Is it still coming in your direction? It might be trying to take the path in the opposite direction of you and doesn't want to bother you. Get away from the direction the bear wants to travel. 3) If the bear bluff charges you keep backing away slowly but maintain contact with the bear BUT DO NOT RUN WITH NO EYESIGHT of the bear. 4) If a bear FULL CHARGES AT YOU and there is no bluff, then deploy bear spray. 4) If a bear FULL CHARGES AT YOU and there is no bluff and you don't have bear spray (or you run out of bear spray), then do: Black - fight back. (they tend to be scared of being injured or harmed so they back off pretty quickly after trying to attack), Brown - lay down (torso face down on the ground and hands around the back of your neck to protect your neck. Most grizzlies aren't going to try to kill you; they will try to harm you/swipe at you though). If a grizzly bear attack is SUSTAINED for a longer period of time like more than 45 secs or 1 min, then FIGHT BACK just like a black bear attack! You need to protect yourself from dying at some point if the bear is being adamant about clawing at you.

This whole episode was a top 5 all time

Chelsea P episode was a winner. Whole thing felt like 20 mins. This bear attack bit made me choke in laughter

Conan has never been closer to his character in the treasure or foggy mountain than in this clip

Totally off topic but I really love her shirt. The floral pattern is so pretty!

"black fight back, brown lie down, white goodnight" is meant for AFTER a bear is ACTUALLY PHYSICALLY attacking you. bears, like many scary beasts, will do false charges, stamp and sweep toward you, put on a show to test you and scare you before deciding if they have to attack. until the actual attack starts (physical contact) stay big, stay noisy, stay calm, face the animal, back away and focus on getting far away while facing the animal. not an expert but I just also watch and read stuff. a beast is not attacking you until it is on you basically, so psychologically don't jump to "I'm gonna die, i have to kill it" until it is touching you. most of the time 😉🤪💀

Growing up in western Washington and spending time in my dad’s home state of Montana I was always taught to sing on the trail in bear country and if you see a bear always talk to it. “Hey the bear!” “How’s is going bear?” Just talk to ‘em like they’re your friend. Never run from a grizzly, back up slowly and absolutely stand up to a black bear. If a black bear is too interested in you shout at it and make yourself as big as possible

Important fact: Moose kill and injure more people than all types of bear attacks. Everyone is scared of bears, but the herbivores are usually more deadly than omnivores because they can be territorial.

So much joy on this PC!! 😂😂

Adam Carolla podcast years ago, Adam is talking about it's probably way more likely to be attacked by an Elk than a bear. They look up the stats and Elk attacks happen way more frequently. Adam then kind of talks why he thinks that, mainly people aren't scared of Elk and out themselves in situations to get attacked. They move on to a caller that was on hold before this conversation came up, guy was like, i was attacked by a bear.

"what's the perfect level of bear attack for it to still be funny and register comedic?" hahaha

Chelsea is HILARIOUS!!

7:11 Then Christopher Walken asks for more cowbell

In Alaska they call bear bells the “dinner bell”

Chelsea Peretti !! i love your comedy, glad the podcast is coming back.

Chelsea has a great laugh!

Hey Team Coco, please bring Rebecca Ferguson on this podcast…it’s gonna be chaotic and she’s naturally funny

Fun fact, the Polish army in WWII actually DID have a brown bear in their ranks, he was named Wotjek, he ended up as a Corporal.

If it's red, you're dead If it's blue, you're through, If it's yellow, you're one unlucky fellow If it's green, say goodbye to your spleen If it's chartreuse, you might as well have your head in a noose If it's teal, you're a meal

6:44 You’ll either get attacked or form a conga line of bears behind you.

What musical composer do bears prefer? Mahler!

it's the other way around! Wojtek the bear fought WITH the Polish AGAINST the Germans!

This is great 🤣🤣🤣

For safety around bears, "...bring two friends". True, but also, make sure they are both slower than you.

Heh, I'm listening to this while we're in the middle of bear vs. men discourse.

She works out pretty nicely on this podcast…😂

Hyped on bemzos lol

That shirt looks good on Conan. I want one

I love Chelsea Peretti talking about the cow bell. That made me think of the SNL Cowbell skit. Imagine a revised skit - A bear crashing the recording session because the bear hates cowbells.

Nice 🐻

Oh, you've read the Reichsangriffsbärenausbildunghandbuch?

PLEASE upload the rest of the interview! The biggest laughs were toward the end

Bahahahaa I love this one! I have a strange knowledge of bear attack business too. 😂 when I had my first daughter in 2006 so yea 17 now (maths), I was offered the option to "watch" a "give birth movie" idk it's Wisconsin. I chose the documentary "Grizzly Man" where (rip) Timothy Treadwell got eaten by a bear w his girlfriend in his bear expeditions and I think the doctor and nurses thought I was nuts, welp news flash I am. 😂😂 I've always called my daughter little TT for the late Tim T of bear country. Ok end of that awkward story 🎉

Good lord, I just looked up at the TV and a lady in Pennsylvania was attacked but survived a bear attack!!

So in essence, that bear did, *in fact,* go for a light mauling, LOL😆... Man, I really need to check out Chelsea's comedic bear mauling podcast

Cougars next?? been some pretty scary ones lately

I found the picture of him holding the Robert Caro book. Hahaha. Apparently on reddit two days ago.

Conan, in a bear costume, nose black & everything... must-see tv.

How this for interesting comedy skit. Bear Stalker. This guy is stalked by this bear. The guy narrowly escapes this bear attack. The bear suddenly becomes obsessed with "the one that got away". One skit - This guy is a swanky 5 star hotel. There is a knock at his door. He asks who is it. Response "Room service". He opens the door and whammo - It's the bear. Bear Stalker!!!

“Hyped up on benzos”? BENZOS?! 😂 🛌

Heard the whole thing yesterday and kept waiting for mention of the greatest comedy bear movie of all time. Werner Hertzog's "Grizzly Man". Teaches everything you need to know about bears. Namely, don't be around bears.

I thought for sure they would make up a rhyme to discourage paparazzi such as "When the papz are clickin', show them your Lyndon." (OK that's a near-rhyme, but it's as close as I could get to match the story. Nothing rhymes with... Lyndon 😜) (OK some things do rhyme with Lyndon, such as Swindon. To match her story I had to pick between that and clickin' and there are plenty of rhymes for that, so Lyndon it is)

4:14 Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica...

In California they fight bears with bells.

The rule of thumb for bears is: If it’s brown lie down (be docile/play dead), if it’s black fight back, if it’s white goodnight (polar bears are the only full carnivores). Try to make big noises in the woods from a distance and animals will avoid you, and the most dangerous is when there are cubs. No matter what, do not run, it will trigger their predator mode to see you as prey.

Im a herpetologist that works at a zoo and an aquarium. Best bear advice I’ve ever heard is “black fight back, brown lay down, white good night”

This feels like the right time to consult a certain paper salesman who owns a beet farm in Scranton Pennsylvania

Are there mnemonics for other languages or will everyone need to learn English to survive a bear attack? 😂

I found the picture! 😊

I’ve literally never heard anyone find comedy in bear attacks

Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica!

I mean Dwight Schrute covered this over nine seasons. If you watched The Office, you should be an expert

2:28 Matt gets possessed by Keanu Reeves

A lot of things rhyme with "pigeon" and "pony." Smidgen, crony, etc.

Chelsea needs to have Fozzie Bear on her podcast.

Black - Fight Back Brown - Lay Down White - Goodnight 😂

My husband was attacted by a polar bear while sleeping in a tent in the Arctic. He survived because his buddy was with him and able to fire a rifle into the air and scare it off. He has written about this incident, and you can find it online..

Never heard of Chelsea. Hilarious and perfect for a guest or host.

Give it a bear hugg

I applaud everyone in that room for not referencing the SNL "cowbell" sketch. I dunno if I'd have had the integrity.

Conan please go down to Austin and check out the comedy scene there! Would love to see you interacting with Rogan, Kill Tony, Tom Segura, etc.

You don’t have to out run the bear, you just have to out run your friend.

A comedic bear attack is just losing your pic-a-nic basket.

That bear was the Bruce Lee of bears.

"Polar go solar"

Conan's read some books about bears? Name a title.

I'm waiting for someone to say how very rare bear attacks are. This fascination/obsession isn't good for bears - they should just be left alone.

When the og Scott aukerman started it. Not everyone had a podcast

I love that she laughs talking about bear attack victim. I listen to scary bear attacks on KZfaq. It's pretty good if no one has heard it.

Fun or flight

Good thing the bear didn’t do cocaine

Chelsea needs to contact a guy from Choteau Montana survived grizzly by sticking his fist down bears throat

I was waiting for “If it’s brown drink it down. If it’s black, send it back” just to know it was Conan’s line to own…

Travel with a friend. To trip them. No way we running forty miles with this jar of honey.

The saying I always was told was "If it's black fight back, if it's brown lay down"

Am I the only one disappointed that despite mentioning bears and WWII, Wojtek wasn't named?

We live in black bear country, and encounters are rare. They are shy creatures, and come around our home at night looking for food. We have had them during the day, usually because some AIRBNB weekend occupants left their garbage out for the week, waiting for Thursday pickup. Bears are food brained creatures, and once scoring a garbage meal, they see the big black garbage cans as a food source. When they become too emboldened they are either relocated or put down. As Fish and Game folks say, a fed bear is a dead bear. We had dinner one time in Europe with two Alaska residents, and they said up there throw out the rules about black bears being shy creatures. Brown bears rule up there, and black bears to survive have ceased being timid and will attack humans ... for a meal. We were at Brooks Falls a few years ago, and the salmon-stuffed brownies walked within 20 feet of us, not concerned and hardly aware of us.

ideally, bring 2 large friends with fries who despise exercise to bear country

If bears were in my country, we'd make a delicacy of it

More cow bell....

3 people seems decent, but I personally don't go into bear country without a full US rifle platoon worth of people.. and a platoon's weapons.

If it’s yellow, let it mellow. That’s what I always say.

a smidgen of pigeon!?

I adore Chelsea.

So, instead of being mauled by bears her son could swim with sharks! 😅

1:51 *slower friends

Bear Attack is a great book. Chronicles attacks and what the humans did incorrectly. Bear Spray is a waste of money. Gives peeps a false sense of security.

Now all the young starlets know what to do when they are hounded by the paparazzi... and bears.

Mean lady

Do Charlie and Mikey count as two friends for Sona, when she walks in Altadena? Or the bears will just see them as entrées? Un aperitif, or amuse-bouche? 😁

if it's night time, fight back no matter which type of bear it is

Black: Fight back. Brown: lie down. White: say goodnight.

Eduardo is so handsome. Kind regards.

Yes the bell is for all bears. Don’t startle them. Failing that. Make yourself big and loud and back away slowly. Never turn and run. “Fight back” is a last resort. Female with cubs are the most dangerous.