Not all parents are good | Dr. Sherrie Campbell

Not all parents are good | Dr. Sherrie Campbell | TEDxDanville

Рет қаралды 89,145

4 ай бұрын

NOTE FROM TED: This talk discusses abuse. TEDx events are independently organized by volunteers. The guidelines we give TEDx organizers are described in more detail here: storage.ted.com/tedx/manuals/t...
It seems taboo to say the words “bad parents” out loud because all we are indoctrinated to know is the good parent. And make no mistake, we also see good parents all around us. However, in our culture it is mis-assumed that all parents are good, which is simply not true for so many.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx DR. SHERRIE CAMPBELL is a licensed clinical psychologist who specializes in helping healthy people cut ties with the toxic people in their lives.
She is a nationally recognized expert on family estrangement, a best selling author, inspirational speaker, host of the “Sherapy Sessions: Cutting Toxic Family Ties” podcast, a well-known social media influencer and a regularly featured media expert. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

Пікірлер: 198

@Charlize-Z Ай бұрын

My heart goes out to all the people who had to grow up feeling like they weren't truly loved and protected by their parents

@nostalgic3ctasy433 3 ай бұрын

She makes a valid point that strangers who abuse children are held to account for what they do but parents can and do get away with abusing their children

@dr.sherrie 3 ай бұрын

Sad but true! This needs to change!

@EvelynFluyeVida 2 ай бұрын

becase the worst wounds and betrayal didn't come from strangers, but from those who "loved" us.

@earthlynnone7383 4 күн бұрын

Exactly.. is a horror!!!

@sergeymarushckin 13 күн бұрын

It's so refreshing to hear someone speak the truth about the myth of perfect parents. At the end of the day parents are just people and no one person is perfect.

@TheCookieAngel 3 ай бұрын

Once I got older and had sleep overs with my friends and saw how loving their parents were I sadly realized that wasn't the case for me.

@dr.sherrie 3 ай бұрын

So relatable! I get it

@Sru001 Ай бұрын

Relatable I used to feel jealous for My cousins parents because they were so loving and caring

@beatsintime 12 күн бұрын

I wasn't allowed to go for sleepovers, but sometimes friends were allowed to stay with my siblings or myself, and I got to see a loving, caring, serving, and marvelous mother, whenever someone was over. Our friends all thought my mom was awesome 💀

@mariannelaney633 3 ай бұрын

Thank you for addressing this "taboo" subject. As a +20 year distancer from my family of origin, I feel incredibly validated and seen. From Professor Laney @ SCC

@vanessamamisial 3 ай бұрын

“as the acceptance for hard truth, is the prerequisite for meaningful change”!! yes yes yes!!

@dr.sherrie 3 ай бұрын

YES YES YES!

@nostatus4me 20 күн бұрын

I like that this isn't just about highlighting the problem but also offering a pathway towards healing and breaking the cycle of abuse. That's the kind of stuff we need.

@dr.sherrie 18 күн бұрын

Thank you!

@Favekillertunes 2 ай бұрын

I get what she's saying and there can be so much emotional abuse that happens from unstable parents because LITERALLY ANYONE can be a parent. That's what's crazy to me.

@dr.sherrie 2 ай бұрын

Exactly ! literally ANYONE!

@Cristinact 3 ай бұрын

Dr Sherrie's book "But... it's Your Family...!" and her daily reflections on social media have helped me heal from my toxic relatives. I am so glad to see her here in such a relevant Talks Forum.

@dr.sherrie 3 ай бұрын

I am honored to represent us ❤

@rhymes-stories 3 ай бұрын

Very powerful, may the old us all be healed from past abusive parents.

@dr.sherrie 3 ай бұрын

Thank you!! Our voices are now being heard! ✨

@debbiekillewald8384 3 ай бұрын

Thank you for speaking up. I had 2 abusive parents. One was actually dangerous for me.

@dr.sherrie 3 ай бұрын

I had two abusive parents as well. I get it ❤

@nickid5210 3 ай бұрын

Thank you Dr. Sherrie❤. I am reading your books now… it’s time for ME to heal and grow, even in my 50s😢

@dr.sherrie 3 ай бұрын

You’re very welcome! It’s never too late. It means 45 years!

@maxinebennier 10 күн бұрын

I agree the societal pressure to maintain a relationship with parents even if they were abusive or neglectful is both overwhelming and damaging. I would love to see more discussions like this that shine a light on just how common that is.

@joeboggio4002 3 ай бұрын

Watching my parents taught me to be the kind of father they were not. This is an important topic that should be discussed more, because parents should not be allowed to do whatever they feel like just because they are "family."

@dr.sherrie 3 ай бұрын

Agreed! Cycle breakers!

@saturnsrings3608 25 күн бұрын

She said something about the unpredictability of her days that really spoke to my truth. A lot of the time it was the not knowing what I was going to get from day to day and now that I'm grown I see that comes from how unstable my parents were in their own mental health

@Chann223 2 ай бұрын

She is speaking so much truth!! I know everything she is speaking on from experience. The world needs to pay heed to this message so much. How much different our world would be if we could have healthy and whole parents raising children, and the secret to that: bringing up children that are unharmed and truly loved by their parent/guardians.

@dr.sherrie 2 ай бұрын

Thank you!! Totally agree!

@Joyspout Ай бұрын

I think even just creating dialogue around this issue is a huge positive. Sometimes people are so wrapped up in their own trauma they can't see how they're in turn abusing and manipulating.

@dr.sherrie Ай бұрын

Thank you! It’s time!

@Joyspout 29 күн бұрын

@@dr.sherrie yes it is, thank you

@flipthatscriptontoxicfamil9056 2 ай бұрын

I am so thankful to her for being a voice for us survivors of these kinds of parents.

@dr.sherrie 2 ай бұрын

Thank you! I see you ❤

@TracieJLee Ай бұрын

Incredibly moving and insightful. Her point about societal cognitive dissonance when it comes to accepting that parents can be abusers is spot on.

@dr.sherrie Ай бұрын

Thank you!!

@58vette 18 күн бұрын

I appreciate the focus on accountability and changing societal narratives around parenting. It's not just about identifying and bringing attention to an issue but actively working towards a solution that respects and protects children.

@makeitso1017 21 күн бұрын

I'm so glad to see someone talking about this because yes, it is incredibly common and people shouldn't be made to feel guilty in terms of how they feel towards their parents and wanting to cut them out of their lives

@leekaygraphics 3 ай бұрын

Excellent presentation, Dr Sherrie! Such powerful words about a taboo subject. I'm picturing the many people in that audience who were holding back tears...

@dr.sherrie 3 ай бұрын

Thank you!!! Yes many were in tears. It was a really special experience. They felt seen. How beautiful is that?!😭❤️

@2ndchanceisthebestchance 9 күн бұрын

The statistics she shared were staggering. I had no idea that one in four adults cut ties with their parents at some point... goes to show the importance of conversations like this.

@dr.sherrie 4 күн бұрын

And those statistics are only what is reported. Imagine that number if we considered how many don’t report !

@dnk4559 6 күн бұрын

Thank you Dr. Sherrie! I hit the jackpot with my parents. I’m so thankful this is being discussed on TedTalk!

@dr.sherrie 4 күн бұрын

Thank you ❤

@thephilosopher59 3 ай бұрын

This is a very serious topic and one that in many cases continues to travel for generations. It's heart warming and shocking to hear this kind of honesty. We shouldn't be surprised by the parenting images we are served. In the matters of human existence, we all look a bit glossy and glossed over in the name of successful lives and living the dream. Nobody wants to hear about the nightmares. Yet here we are, thank you for your opening this conversation!

@dr.sherrie 3 ай бұрын

So beautifully stated! Thank you

@lollo-lia 9 күн бұрын

I loved how she emphasized the importance of listening to children. Their voices matter 💙

@dr.sherrie 4 күн бұрын

Yes!!!

@lollo-lia Күн бұрын

@@dr.sherrie 😀😀😀

@kimberlyholley4478 3 ай бұрын

I love dr sherrie so much! she has helped me remain guarded and optimistic about my situation. cycle breakers unite!

@dr.sherrie 3 ай бұрын

I love you back!! ❤ thank you!

@hazelttan 3 ай бұрын

it's so true about breaking the cycle. thank you for being a voice for what is unheard and tampered down as taboo.

@dr.sherrie 3 ай бұрын

You’re very welcome

@flipthatscriptontoxicfamil9056 3 ай бұрын

Thank you for all that you are doing to break the cultural myths regarding family. You put it so succinctly when in one of your books you stated that abusive people exist and families are made up of people so therefore there is such a thing as having abusive family members.

@Zumbale3 3 ай бұрын

Powerful! Thank you Dr Sherrie for leading the way for us cycle breakers.

@dr.sherrie 3 ай бұрын

You’re very welcome!!! We are being heard! 🎉❤

@hermesn 2 ай бұрын

Oh my yes, the unpredictability of it all. I remember that part all too well

@dr.sherrie 2 ай бұрын

The lack of predictability was the only painful constant. I see you

@heatherlynch6003 3 ай бұрын

Thank you Dr. Sherrie. Your words pull me out of a dark place and back into the light. After decades of abuse, when I'm not feeling strong her years of gaslighting start to seep back in, and I return to thinking that it's all my fault. I've turned to your work in the past to pull me out of that mindset and I know I will use this powerful and validating video to do so again in the future. Thank you for standing up for all of us.

@dr.sherrie 3 ай бұрын

You’re so welcome! Thank you for this message!

@hmmhmmhmm3 3 ай бұрын

Fantastically powerful speech, Dr. Sherrie. You are a voice of reason, accountability, strength and advocacy. Viva “DNA!"

@dr.sherrie 3 ай бұрын

Thank you!!!

@sherandawheeler5819 6 күн бұрын

Thank you so much Dr Sherrie ❤ I appreciate your message and am living as a cycle breaker. I listened to my child and got out.

@dr.sherrie 4 күн бұрын

💪🏻❤ love this!

@clairlovesjesus314 3 ай бұрын

Great talk Dr Sherrie! I really felt this. Unfortunately I had 0 parenting skills because I was the scape goat of a dysfuntional family. Oh how I regret that it didn’t stop with me in time for my own children. I was still running from it at the time. The abuse continues until today. My own children are into some very dark stuff . And I know that how they turned out is my fault. I pray for them daily and the sorrow continues because my family has brain washed them against me. So I get it from every angle. Its like sitting in a bull ring and holding your breath because you never know whose going to hit you next

@bobkat1911 3 ай бұрын

This woman gets me.

@shastahasta 2 ай бұрын

Such courage in sharing her personal experience, and it shows how often there are hidden struggles within "perfect" family images.

@dr.sherrie 2 ай бұрын

Thank you!

@EvelynFluyeVida 2 ай бұрын

Wonderful dear Sherrie. So blessed that I found your books and you on 2023. 💕

@dr.sherrie 2 ай бұрын

Thank you!!! 🎉

@4EverTheirDefender 3 ай бұрын

You rocked the house Sister! And you rock my world … Such an intelligent, passionate, healing force for us all! Thank you so very much Dr. Sherri 🙏💥💫

@dr.sherrie 3 ай бұрын

Thank you so much! I am so happy this spoke to you!!! 🎉❤

@adelinarose7941 2 ай бұрын

Thank you Sherrie you saved my life!

@dr.sherrie 2 ай бұрын

Aww thank YOU ❤

@a.pologar5623 3 ай бұрын

So healing and validating. My gratitude to you is immense. Your courage is inspiring.

@dr.sherrie 3 ай бұрын

Thank you! I appreciate your message !

@amayaroonie2166 2 ай бұрын

I think the saddest part in all of it is the love element. As people all we want is to feel loved, even if it's coming from a person who is deeply flawed.

@dr.sherrie 2 ай бұрын

Very true!

@Elusive-Khan 2 ай бұрын

This hits close to home for so many of us.

@dr.sherrie 2 ай бұрын

It really does ❤

@anumi-techniques2470 3 ай бұрын

Powerful and strong, a deserving and genuinely authentic ambassador. ❤ You speak a truth that only those who have experienced suffering of this kind will truly understand. You lead the way for the rest of us to heal and become cycle breakers. much love and gratitude 🙏❤️🙏

@dr.sherrie 3 ай бұрын

Thank you!!! I appreciate the feedback and support ❤🎉

@user-rr7uv6lq8d 3 ай бұрын

THANK YOU for this topic. More people need to talk about it.

@dr.sherrie 3 ай бұрын

You’re very welcome! I couldn’t agree more !

@justsewit_tk5477 3 ай бұрын

Brilliant! I know you were incredibly nervous but excited about doing this speech Dr Sherri. Congratulations on this wonderful and powerful ted talk!

@dr.sherrie 3 ай бұрын

Thank you!!

@jezebelrebel250 2 ай бұрын

Now, imagine going through all that (which I did with my NM and EF).....AND suffer the trauma of a destructive cult. My NM forced me at age 6 into a cult that proceeded to psychologically terrorize me for 20 years. I wanted to be anyone else as a kid. I wanted to die in my teens. I was broken for so long.

@dr.sherrie 2 ай бұрын

I’m so sorry 😞 I can relate

@healingways2293 3 ай бұрын

Great Talk. Escaped seven years ago at the age of 50. Been hunted ever since. Were able to convince pretty much anyone I ever knew that I was issue. I have lost everything. Thank you for bringing awareness. Maybe it will be different in the future.

@dr.sherrie 3 ай бұрын

I’ve been out for 8 years. Left at 45. I’m so happy this resonated with you!

@LibertyB356 3 ай бұрын

Outstanding and incredibly validating! Thank you and I will share this every chance I get. ❤️

@dr.sherrie 3 ай бұрын

I am so happy this was validating ! I get it ❤

@tessamaras340 3 ай бұрын

Incredible speech! Thank you for speaking the truth that many of us face.

@dr.sherrie 3 ай бұрын

Thank you!!! I see you ✨❤️

@lesliebnichols 3 ай бұрын

Thank you Sherrie! This was an excellent presentation! I felt so heard and validated and damn proud to be a cycle breaker! 👏❤️

@dr.sherrie 3 ай бұрын

Thank you Leslie 🎉❤

@JeanineLaMonica_fem 3 ай бұрын

Thank you for stating the truth!

@dr.sherrie 3 ай бұрын

You’re very welcome ❤

@theevolvingmindset333 25 күн бұрын

Thank you for this Dr. Sherrie!

@dr.sherrie 18 күн бұрын

You’re welcome !

@SwissGirlFlorida 3 ай бұрын

Thank you Dr Sherrie, this is monumental for all of us. Very powerful talk ❤

@dr.sherrie 3 ай бұрын

Thank you!! I am honored to have been able to represent our Bravehearted community ! Thank you for the support 🎉❤

@sadiaykor Ай бұрын

Associating "Do Not Abuse" with DNA is pretty powerful.

@dr.sherrie Ай бұрын

Thank you!

@sadiaykor Ай бұрын

@@dr.sherrie no - thanks to you.... great talk

@MountainMama1970 3 ай бұрын

Excellent presentation Sherrie! You are my voice up there & for so many! Cycle breakers we are!!

@dr.sherrie 3 ай бұрын

Thank you!!! It’s time we are heard 🎉❤

@Katie-gf1tk 2 ай бұрын

So Validating !! Thank you Dr. Sherrie !

@dr.sherrie 2 ай бұрын

You’re welcome! ❤

@faithcortellis Ай бұрын

"We hold strangers to higher standards of treatment of children than parents." Okay this, breaking it down like this is important. Why should excuses be made like as if the people closest to us shouldn't be treating us with the most consideration and kindness?

@dr.sherrie Ай бұрын

Exactly!

@drumbum3.142 3 ай бұрын

Sad but unfortunately true. Same holds/goes for some people too. Both assertions are obvious but true.

@Book-Notes 3 ай бұрын

Omg!!!!!! Awesome speech Dr Sherrie Campbell. So happy to see you in TEDx Danville. Bravo 🙌!

@dr.sherrie 3 ай бұрын

Thank you 🎉🎉

@ms-wl8wz 3 ай бұрын

When I was a kid, my mom went to school to be a drug counselor (I thought she was a psychologist lol) she changed the reasoning she gave for not working in the field from "because I'm addicted to cigarettes" to a less noble, but surely more honest "I didn't like how everyone blames their parents" and it's probably because she heard people dealing with trauma from less than or the same ways she "parented" her children

@TraceyLatture-zw7wk 3 ай бұрын

I absolutely agree that abuse should be validated. I am absolutely disgusted by professionals who profit by separating children for profit. The awareness of corrupt governmental control is just as important today. Irretrievably broken families? That term or anyone who uses it in such a general way terrifies me. God help us.

@jodyjohnson4617 3 ай бұрын

Thank you for naming and bringing bad parenting into focus. As a fierce advocate for children and Associate Professor in Early Childhood Education, where do I sign up to promote this message?

@dr.sherrie 3 ай бұрын

Just like and share in all your socials, newsletters etc. I will ask my team if there are other ways. Thank you for the support for my message! I appreciate you and the work you do!

@nadiam8678 2 ай бұрын

The reframing of invalidating comments as micro-aggressions is profoundly important. This is exactly what they are.

@dr.sherrie 2 ай бұрын

Yes it’s exactly what they are!

@imadampierce Ай бұрын

The statistics mentioned in the talk are staggering and highlight an issue too often swept under the rug. It’s a wake-up call for society to take a hard look at how we view parental roles and responsibilities and how we can do better.

@dr.sherrie Ай бұрын

Yes!!

@oo_eddie_oo4204 3 ай бұрын

My toxic relationship with my mother made me not want kids. How could I love my kids if I couldn't love her and don't know what that kind of love even looks like?

@dr.sherrie 3 ай бұрын

Understandable! The destruction they cause to our lives is inexplicable!

@k60c85 3 ай бұрын

Perfectly said 🎉Thank you!!!

@dr.sherrie 3 ай бұрын

You’re welcome ❤😊

@karmelitable 2 ай бұрын

Ahhhh thanks for this ❤

@dr.sherrie 2 ай бұрын

You’re very welcome ❤

@houseofsoulcanada 3 ай бұрын

Thank you for speaking a very important truth

@dr.sherrie 3 ай бұрын

You’re very welcome !

@andrealfifi Ай бұрын

This challenges some pretty deeply held beliefs about family and love. NGL it was uncomfortable to hear but I can see how it's necessary.

@KikiVivi_001 3 ай бұрын

thanks for share .

@nadiam8678 2 ай бұрын

AMEN.

@Usa17Patriot 3 ай бұрын

Love you Dr. Sherrie!

@dr.sherrie 3 ай бұрын

Thank you!!! Back at you 🤍

@AliciaDunams 3 ай бұрын

Important subject - thanks for sharing your story.

@dr.sherrie 3 ай бұрын

Thank you!! I appreciate you!

@robertmetcalf2461 3 ай бұрын

Thank you

@dr.sherrie 3 ай бұрын

You’re welcome !

@tiffanyfournier2985 3 ай бұрын

Well done Dr. Sherrie! 💖

@InternationalZombieGuide 3 ай бұрын

Yeesh I know some people who need to see this one...

@dr.sherrie 3 ай бұрын

Share it!!! Thank you!

@alexandrugheorghe5610 3 ай бұрын

C-PTSD

@dr.sherrie 3 ай бұрын

Yes!

@samanthastewart5172 3 ай бұрын

Excellent ❤

@dr.sherrie 3 ай бұрын

Thank you!

@MdRihankhan-xk7so 26 күн бұрын

😢😢😢

@marierichardson3470 3 ай бұрын

❤️❤️❤️

@dr.sherrie 3 ай бұрын

❤

@happeehappeeme 3 ай бұрын

Parents do the best they can from the experience they had growing up. They can't give what they didn't get.

@dr.sherrie 3 ай бұрын

There is no excuse for abuse. Abuse is not an accident but a choice.

@elmurodjontiger1340 3 ай бұрын

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

@therealbellasantarosa Ай бұрын

My parents weren't good parents but I don't think they abused me. I think they neglected me. Not sure which is worse tbh

@KAT-dg6el Ай бұрын

Neglect is abuse

@oliverreserd 2 ай бұрын

There is no excuse for abuse, I know that. But I also know that it's a cycle, and if you think about how traumatized the generation that raised our parents are... it kind of all makes sense doesn't it?

@alexandrugheorghe5610 3 ай бұрын

What are the 5 European countries that outlawed emotional abuse?

@alexandrugheorghe5610 3 ай бұрын

ChatGPT: «As of my last update, the following five European countries have laws specifically addressing emotional abuse: 1. France 2. United Kingdom 3. Ireland 4. Norway 5. Sweden»

@dr.sherrie 3 ай бұрын

Thank you! And now also Australia

@linuspears Ай бұрын

Okay the 6:30 - 6:50 mark is pretty dang poignant and brings up all kinds of questions about how society is structured.

@deluxe_vegan1390 2 ай бұрын

And this is why it should be mandatory for everyone having a child to go to freakin therapy.

@dr.sherrie Ай бұрын

Agreed

@KAT-dg6el Ай бұрын

And how are you gonna do that when a girl gets pregnant in the backseat of a car?

@deluxe_vegan1390 Ай бұрын

@@KAT-dg6el what do you mean? because she got pregnant in the backseat of a car she can't go to therapy?

@raphkisento 20 күн бұрын

I'm a little conflicted about this talk... I think it's important to discuss and address parental abuse but it's something that could easily alienate and stigmatize parents who are just struggling with their own mental health. They might not fall under the abusive category but just need a little help, and maybe the fear of being labelled abusive will actually stop them from seeking that help?

@FelixCulpa333 Ай бұрын

“Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person's enemies will be those of his own household.” - Jesus, (Matthew 10:34-36)

@user-ot2uy2og9l 3 ай бұрын

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉💪🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻💌🙏🏻

@dr.sherrie 3 ай бұрын

❤❤❤

@jackanslow 2 ай бұрын

Lol had to laugh at the intro, such cliches but also like why are their faces covered in flour?

@dr.sherrie 2 ай бұрын

Messy baking skills!

@bettyboohadapoo 3 ай бұрын

DNA perfect!

@dr.sherrie 3 ай бұрын

Do Not Abuse!

@KAT-dg6el Ай бұрын

@@dr.sherrie we are all a product of our environment. Some people don’t know they’re being abusive because they’re just repeating the same environment as how their parent(s) treated them. To tell them to stop abusing would be like telling a Christian to change religions. It’s what they’ve learned/seen since birth.

@felicityhalette 2 күн бұрын

I don't agree with the idea that our culture gives a free pass to parents who abuse their children. There are many systems in place to protect children, and while they may not be perfect, they do exist. We should focus on improving these systems rather than painting all parents with the same brush.

@tigersallaroundus Ай бұрын

I appreciate her bravery but it feels like this paints all parents with a broad brush. An attitude like this risks villainizing well meaning parents with flawed behavior alongside the truly abusive ones.

@jacey-morgan 2 ай бұрын

Obviously this talk is pretty confronting but I think that's more about the cognitive dissonance she talks about as well.

@huskybutler 2 ай бұрын

Don't get me wrong this raises some pretty crucial points about parental abuse, but I do think it also oversimplifies the complexity of family dynamics and it seems unfair to put every strained parent-child relationship into this abuse narrative

@dr.sherrie 2 ай бұрын

This is an 11 minute talk that cannot be exhaustive to all family dynamics. This talk is for those of us who have never had a voice under abusive parents. No talk should be viewed as representing all family dynamics. This represents a valid piece of the experience. As I state in my talk there are good parents all around us. It is also true that not all parents are good.

@user-cv1pj2vv1u 2 ай бұрын

I have to disagree she made such a wide generic claim. I don't think she framed her talk in that manner or intended to give that impression. Her talk for example, would fit under say the instance of a single parent, abusive parental figure who was a police officer that always demanded perfection and talked down to their child and undermined their every effort, even belittling them in public while no one made any effort to get involved due to the parents occupation. It wouldn't quite fit for say, a two parent household where the child felt ignored by the obsessive working parent. Being ignored/negelected can be a form of abuse, but this just doesn't fit into the context of her talk in the right manner.