@Richard Grannon - I feel like this may be a stupid question but it keeps coming up for me. If superego functions subconscious/unconscious & it controls us (codependents/narcs). How is all their manipulation and meanness conscious/intentional? How are they both a toddler AND a "cruel villain"?

@@KatyWithAWhyyy Its not a stupid question, its just a question of nuance. Superego controls the impulse, emotional flashback controls the "archetypal state" but there is still a choice to act or not act on an impulse or emotion. It would be a huge mistake to make the logical leap to saying "they dont know what they are doing and they are blameless". They DO not what they are doing and are not be absolved of guilt. The world couldnt function if we pardoned every criminal because "mental health" was a carte blanche to do whatever they wanted. In fact that would make them worse.

RICHARD GRANNON Ok, that makes more sense. May be due to my over analyzing and black and white tendencies that I broke it down as I did initially. Your answer helps me to frame it up. Thank you, as always! ☺️

@@Gwen13061 with no offense intended: is your point that meds should be prescribed?

@@KatyWithAWhyyy I had some experience with toddlers and I must say they are cruel. I do not believe anymore in the myth of the child as a sweet good creature. They are perfectly able to be bad and vendicative. It is human nature I guess. So super ego can be a child and so it can be cruel

That is as with many great truths both humorous and tragic.

Ooh that's good. I've never heard that before, thank you 👍

I found that most people don't really want to heal despite the fact that they say they do. I know several codependants whom I met in my teens (often through a mutual narc friend) who complained to me about their mental health. When I told them that I think that they have CPTSD and recommended them to read more about narc.abuse they all backed up. Narcs have also complained to me about mental health issues. I recommended one of them to read a book that helped me. This person read the book and said "the book does not say enough about how to actually heal the issue". That was it :)

Yes....however, that’s the second question that should be asked...the first question is , “Do you believe that you are sick?”🤔

lol good point

That is so great!! I’m hoping my husband will realize this too!

I believe anyone can change if they want it bad enough I wish you luck 😊

My thoughts exactly.. Thanks Richard!

That is great Hannah, be brave, you can do this.

You are not narc Hanna;) You are propably a victim of one or 2 parents

@@victoriamarie8588 it's rather tragic really. I feel mechanical emotion. I never had real love, while I am self aware I do not have emotional connection with people. I choose to spend my time alone where I have control over my environment, as soon as that is challenged I don't know how to respond other than manipulation for empathy so that someone may help me. Again that connection with attention and the need for love. Again those who are self aware can live relatively normal lives. HOWEVER, in some if not most cases, mechanical or mathematically driven or calculated emotions and not real, so I wouldn't know how it could be cured. Peace✌️

@@victoriamarie8588 I am sorry to say that are evil to the core save your prayer for someone else

@@jeffytodd4261 Prayers can provide the fertile ground for the seeds of change. The rest is up to them.

@@victoriamarie8588 broad is the way narrow is the path Matthew 17:13

@@jeffytodd4261 KJV Romans 11:14 “If by any means I may provoke to emulation them which are my flesh, and might save some of them.” Many people have been saved because someone prayed. I’m praying for them.

Yes her knew it was gonna hit, hence the long pause?

Camelia it also helped me when Richard said something about parents sometimes not even knowing "how"..

Same.

Im not saying its not true for you but I wouldn't be so quick to judge your parents. Life is complex as are people.

peri peri you can denounce the love from your parents as toxic/damaging without judging them as people, or demonizing them I understand your point tho just wanted to think about it a bit

What do you mean? Are you speaking on this particular video?

@@greygoose6531 beautiful one, just keep listening... I promise you will understand... Dear God i hate how painful this process is..

When I was a child and I hurt myself in a humiliating manner (fell off a trampoline into the mud at another person's house), I looked at the house and cried harder when I realised no one responded.

Zena Mason I don’t think Narcissism is cause by a sole event. I think it’s cause by continuous abuse throughout the whole childhood, also it’s cause how you react to it as an adult. If you take action to improve yourself or you bury urself down.

If you are researching why your partner is a narcissist I suggest running.. they will eat you alive. If you fall down this rabbit hole that they can be helped you will surely end up more broken. My narcissist played the “getting help” for 2 years. They have to want to get help and they are so egotistical they never do.

Greetings from a Greek in NYC. I was born in Sparti. How are you doing with this? Has it helped you? Congratulations on admitting you needed help and reaching for help. You are going to do well. Na èise kalá koritsáki mou.

I came across this content by chance and it really spoke to me and made it understandable so thank you. Ive been struggling with the question of am i codependant or on the narcissist spectrum. Guess either way the recovery is the same.... self parenting could be my answer. The pendulum metaphor really hit home and i liked your straight talking. Ill be checking out more of your stuff. My choices before seeing this were very bleak. I was really struggling with my inner self but now i have hope and a direction to investigate. Thank you

Good on you, "where there's a will, there's a chance "

So Proud of you (& Your Mom) Young Lady!! ❤❤❤❤❤🙌🙌🙏🙏👏👏👏😘

Most definitely a recipe for attachment injury of some kind.

YES! Not my babies, I soothed them so they could learn to trust and love. They've grown up beautifully

I know for sure that's a significant amount of my trauma. I remember being a baby in a few moments and just feeling like I was being tortured because I just felt invisible.

it's the absolute worst

Very popular in the Mexican culture.

thank you for this summary

@avgonyma1 - Great synopsis! I wish i could copy what you wrote & save it, but KZfaq won't let me. :(

Jessica A. Take a screenshot

How can spoiling be part of the cause of someone becoming NPD? Is that actually considered traumatic to be spoiled? On another note, a relative of mine was quite spoiled by one parent as a child. But also abused by the other. (I guess that would give her a very inconsistent message: one parent thinks she's perfect and can do now wrong, and the other expects perfection & she can do no right - so she he's doted on by one & beat on verbally, emotionally & physically by the other.) I can't tell if she is NPD or BPD. The traits can be so similar. Does anybody know the difference?

@@jessicaa.6690 I will try to give you my thought, which are just small bits of what you're asking: In terms of wether she is an NPD or a BPD: try to ask Elinor Greenberg, on Quora. She is an expert on these "adaptations" and has been for over 40 years. She has also written a book "Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations: The Pursuit of Love, Admiration, and Safety", where she also discusses the differences. As for spoiling: 1. Spoiling is a form of abuse, as far as i know. It is unhealthy and leaves you ill-prepared for life. I'd say it can be traumatic later on, when you face the real world, as a spoilt person, and have to realise (trauma) that the world is not what you thought it was.... 2. I once read a book about spoilt children and how to fix that. They were describing 5 way of spoiling, amongst them: being spoilt by being given everything or excessive attention, but also "being spoilt by neglect" ..... And they all lead to similar results: a spoilt child. I can copy and paste the synopsis either to a mail or a DM (but I am unaware of a DM-option within KZfaq). Otherwise, a screenshot is your only option, yes.

God bless you. I hear you and agree wholeheartedly.

Eleazer Collins There is ‘hate’ because they immensely abuse people who have done nothing wrong and in most cases give a lot of energy, patience and love in order to help.... these people in most cases don’t know why they get abused, assaulted, smears and wrongly accused of the most awful things so please excuse BPD victims for been angry! Let’s just be realistic here and not put the NPD on an abuse pedestal for being more of a victim than the people they abuse ;-)

@@ReformedWhiteKnight I'm making no excuses or comparisons. I understand where abuse victims are coming from and why they feel so strongly, but I can't agree with exercising hate against the npd anymore than I can agree with the npd doing what they do. What I'm saying is until we recognize that babies are all victims and essentially molded by their environment, we'll still blame people and not the systems that created them. Only once we recognize the situation for what it truly is can we being to make real, lasting changes.

@@TheeLetterL did you heal?

@@mweusimrembo890 hard to say. I don't have an official diagnosis. But I am aware now! It helps me understand myself and not react as much to "disrespect".

I want nothing more than to help my narc ex. He did things that forced me to choose between my love for myself and my love for him... and since I can't love him without loving myself (love for others is excess self love spilling out of its container), I chose to save myself. In doing so, I still love him. Had I stayed, I would've been codependent, which is abuse of the narcissist, not love for him. So tragically, the very thing that would keep us together - my love - keeps us apart because of what he did. But apart I will love him for eternity, just as he is, but hoping and praying he becomes the beautiful soul I see trapped within, waiting to be set free and come alive.

Dr Daniel fox is a therapist on you tube who has effective treatments there's a few others also 🙏

Didn't you treat others badly for how many years, why its your right to treat people horribly and people can't demonize you ? 0 sympathy for you guys, go work on yourselves, and stop getting the sympathy and the care from others

He did work on himself, that is why he takes time to help others heal, he was a victim of NPD too, he knows how hard it is to recover, but is willing to train people how to live themselves again..Maybe you were not willing to recognize ,it has effected his self, look up ACES too high on line, it tells the outcome ...if you do not take the time to heal.

He was co dependant, not na-r cisisst, he did not hurt anyone, co -dependants hurt their own self, with self-doubt that was coerced in them by the NPD.

That's interesting to hear this. My brother is a covert narcissist, he has hit rock bottom, but I can see that if he saw this video he might feel offended because he is so sensitive. Do you have any advice for what my family can do to help him? He lacks awareness of his own narcissism so much and in fact calls other people narcissists, so he has an awareness of what it is (roughly), but his narcissism is so deep that he can't see that he has it himself. His level of hypocrisy is honestly beyond insane that it's hard not to feel hopeless. I just can't imagine my brother making the same comment you made, it's hard to believe you are a narcissist because a narcissist wouldn't think they are a narcissist, how did you come to that realisation? Was it on your own? Were you forced to? Did you have to? And if possible do you have any recommendations about how a covert narcissist can at least become aware they are one but at the same time do that in a sensitive way so they can accept it in a way which isn't too painful? Also how painful was it for you to accept you were a narcissist? And are you covert or malignant/grandiose? Also my brother suffers from depression, anxiety etc, which makes him act out more in my opinion, makes his harmful behaviour worse, is that something you have also experienced? Sorry for so many questions, I'm just desperate, my mother had a heart attack because of all the stress, we need to help him somehow, we need to help him find a way to help himself but he won't. He just continues blaming. It's very sad.

It's unfortunate you didn't get a response for your questions. I'm sorry for all the struggles you're having to deal with. I have a friend that is a covert narcissist & have been searching for the answers to many of the questions you've asked. I have to ask have you've found any helpful ways to try & get your brother to become aware? Or have any advice for me on things I could try (or things I should definitely avoid trying)

@@Freddie1MHi Freddie, Sorry to hear this for you. I’m pretty much in the same boat as you, only it’s my sister who was diagnosed with NPD & Bipolar 2 back in 2017. I have no answers for you; unfortunately me and my family are as lost as you are with how to help. I have watched hundreds of hours on KZfaq about narcissism, and haven’t come across any way to help a narcissist see themselves and recognize their problems.

Thank you for your reply, I appreciate it. No I haven't found a way to make him self aware, the problem is if I confront him and explain to him how he is a covert narcissist I am 99.99% sure he will deny it. That denial I believe will just make the situation worse because it will probably lead to more projection and he'd become worse and even start calling me a narcissist which I would find unbearable because he's the one doing all the abuse and I've spent years of my life bearing this pain, sacrificing friendships, job opportunities etc. About your friend who is a covert narcissist, I'm curious how you came to this realisation? Having been subject to my brother's abuse for so long it's hard to be friends with him, I want to help him, but I don't think I can ever be good friends with him because he's too abusive and I'd never be able to trust him again until I'm 100% sure he's cured and to my knowledge it is an incurable disorder. I am curious why you remain friends with him knowing that he is abusive to other people, it's a very brave and commendable thing for you to do because you could walk away (I assume). I can't think of a great analogy but to me it's close to choosing to remain friends with a murderer, I know this probably sounds like an exaggeration, but it's not, my mother nearly died because of all the stress he caused her, I'm having stress related health problems myself which have most likely significantly shortened my life. My mother is still subject to all this stress and my brother continues to abuse her knowing full well that stress was almost undoubtedly the main cause of her heart attack. My mother keeps telling him that this stress is going to give her another heart attack but he continues to be abusive and blame her for his own failures. Do you know what kind of abuse your friend does to close family around him? Does he ever abuse you? My brother doesn't abuse his friends because he knows he can't get away with it. @@danp1471

@Freddie1M TLDR Its a female I crushed hard for & only really been communicating with regularly for 6 months. She lives 3+hours away so I only know of her abuse towards me. I came to the realization by the amount of boxes she checked after I eventually stumbled across vulnerable Narcissist when searching for answers.* Well for starters it's a female friend that I crushed hard for. I've known her for several years but would only see/talk to each other a handful of times a year. She seemed like a nice beautiful girl, but I always noticed a sense of entitlement about her. It wasn't til a few months back that she reached out & we clicked. She made me feel desired & understood. She told me she was diagnosed with systematic scleroderma & it has been causing many problems, preventing her from working & whatnot. The first few weeks went great. I'm a introvert with a kind heart, not much family & my circle of friends is small. She gave me her sob story talking about how all the people before me bailed on her. I ate up the attention she gave me & became bonded to her rather quickly. It wasn't long however before things started to feel off. She didn't seem to be nearly as grateful as one would expect in her situation given the way I was treating her. She seemed very hit or miss in her efforts despite me giving my all. (Considering she was supposedly 'all alone with no one' that just didn't sit right with me.) She seemingly did a 180 out of nowhere at one point. Essentially hitting me with the silent treatment. What was it for? I have no idea. I did nothing but love & look out for her. She came back around acted all lovingly & then she dipped again. Like wtf? That's when I started googling questions & it didn't take long to land on vulnerable Narcissist. The more I read on it, the more boxes were being checked. I believe she has scleroderma because it lines up with what I've noticed about her from over the years when I met her previously. Conviently though thats a disease which conditions can vary a bit from patient to patient. So I'm forced to go off with how she paints the picture. She did have to go to the hospital for at least a few days, but seemed like she was playing it up a bit too much. I even made a loving post essentially dedicated to her wearing the "my fight is her fight" gear, sharing her story of being diagnosed with systematic scleroderma. You know the type of post you make to spread awareness about something & you're practically begging everyone reading it to share it? Well she actually replied to it asking if she could share it. Like what? That's the entire F'in purpose of it & it was being done for her. I essentially did a retelling of her story. Like who would ask that? [Sorry I almost forgot about that one. At the time that whole thing just blew my mind.] One thing I do believe her on is she's living without family members & is renting out one room of her house to a ex-coworker she rarely sees. I haven't been close enough to her to know how she treats her family. I know she has a son about to start college that she appears close to that we talked about a bit. I met him several times in the past previously when he traveled with her. She puts on the display of loving him dearly. That could be part of her image because I'd consider him the golden child. She doesn't have many accomplishments from what I've seen, so she boasts of him & seems to use him to get a good bit of her attention. She's only open about certain things. Pretty much solely focused on the struggles she's had. I only know what she tells me, & there's not many ways I could truly verify what she does share. It's impossible to know how many lies she may have told me. Why do I stick around? I guess it's because I feel I've invested a lot into her financially & emotionally. I made a vow not to bail on her & a personal commitment that I was going to be the person to show her there is someone that would always have her back. I don't like giving up on people without giving my best effort. There's always a spectrum so it has been me trying to guage if she has narcissistic tendencies or if she's just gone where theres no hope. I've also never dealt with someone I considered a legit narcissist & have spent the past couple months trying to come to terms with the fact people like this not only exist, but that they will never change. I'm a fixer by nature so it's hard to just accept that. Although at this current point I suppose the only question that should matter is how she makes me feel. Some days great other days awful. I've been pulling back since I first made my comment to you because the good days have been fewer & farther between. The anxiousness, trust issues, confusion, & stress she can bring out in me simply isn't worth it. If anything I'm usually too trusting of others so it's not me being overly paranoid. She lives a good 3 hours away so I haven't visited her. I offered to go on my one day off to help out once. Her simple 3 word reply of "come on over" (followed by silence the rest of the day) as if she's just a few blocks away irritated me. I mean if she's alone, can't get around well from her condition, & has no vehichle (all of which she claimed) I would have been estatic someone offered to do that. She knows damn well I live on the other side of the state. The reason I wanted to visit though was to one see if her condition is as bad as she makes it out to be & secondly to get a better sense of how she reacts if I start pushing her buttons. I wanted to know if she was going to be worth my effort. The fact I didn't even feel she was worth the drive to find that part out kind of told me all I needed to know. Respect to anyone who read all this. Sorry for the length. [I'm very sorry to hear about your mother & all the stress you & the rest of your family is forced to deal with. I'm almost losing my mind dealing with someone who lives 3 hours from me & my experience pales in comparison to yours. So I can only imagine the turmoil you've been forced to deal with your entire life. I wish you & your family the very best.]

👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼

Well said.

What he says is building on stuff PHD's have discovered: the whole thing how CPTSD and how trauma in childhood forms etc explains personality disorders so much better than previously understood, it comes from people like Bessel van der Kolk (read the Body Keeps the Score or listen to his lecture on KZfaq). I'd like to Richard to attribute these pioneers of trauma research and not just KZfaq celebs like Vaknin (who does has original and insightful points about malignant narcissism yeah). The stuff Richard here says is good synthesis of what therapists who also do academic researcher have found in past few decades. It makes sense that personality disorders are combined to one in ICD-11 and then describing what facets is has, as people can with little different environments portray stuff that was previously understood as totally different disorders (histrionic, borderline, antisocial) when they in fact have a lot of in common. Van der Kolk and others even seem to think a lot of psychiatric diagnoses will be replased more accurately with CPTSD, not limited to personality disorders.

This guy is just amazing. He gave me some Hope. My ex hurt me so much but i dont want him to suffer cause he is a victim too. We have two young children i need to fix him for them.

Richard has a fresh view, from his own reasoning and experience. Sometimes too much education takes away from this.

Anneke Luijkenaar glad to have helped

YES!!!🎉

@@RICHARDGRANNON I feel exactly the same way. This video may have actually changed my life. I sat through through this 1 hour video like a freaking uni lecture, hahaha. Thanks for the efforts you've put into making this.

Thank you , no one has explained this way yo me , mostt want to push religion down my throat

That's either a high pedestal or a low bar

Hi , did you see any progress ??

All too relatable my man. It’s one thing to admit being a narcissist but to seek treatment is a beast in and of itself. Don’t ever give up. That happiness isn’t gone forever.

I’m with ya Brother. I’ve just finally realised what’s going on. May I ask what paths to recovery you have found helpful?

@@kanemclaren5991 Jesus Christ became my patental guidance he talked about, in order to heal. Im still healing but its been a good ten years of slow but steady progress. Best of luck and God bless!

@@Fistfury42 thanks for responding. Agreed. Spiritual revelation and practice seems to be one of the very few remedies and solutions. As they say “be careful what you wish for” Well I prayed, meditated and asked to be shown the cause of my suffering and the suffering I cause others and bam! found my way to HG Tudor. Incredible (and to be honest, a bit relieving) to finally be able to comprehend and unpack this mysterious box of maladaptive behaviour. I wish you well on your Journey✌🏼

🙏🏻 praying for y’all ...it is brave to realize and then even braver to make the steps and do the work to heal 🙏🏻

me too

@EmmaHarrop I totally get that. I remember being in a heated conversation with my mother and I blurted out, that for just once, she could tell me she was proud of me. She got quiet, looked into my eyes and said “but I am not”. I cut ties with her in 2008.

@@MsTygame Wow, she really laid her cards on the table there didn't she. I am proud of you for surviving being raised by someone so cold. You will do the opposite with your own family.

@@elharrop cold is the best description for her. I remember her crying one time during my entire childhood. Because she saw crying as weakness, she drilled that into me. I was scolded and usually punished for it. I am 48 years old and I have difficulty crying to this day. When you said you didn’t realize that you didn’t realize that wasn’t normal- I didn’t either. I was at my friend’s house and I blurted out that my mother would often say she wishes she never had me. The horror in everyone’s eyes were unforgettable. Luckily I spent most of my weekends with my best friend’s family and I was able to see normal functioning family dynamics and the unconditional love between mother and child.

@@MsTygame You didn't deserve any of that but it will probably help to see her as wounded rather than inherently evil. You have broken the cycle of generational abuse by choosing to heal rather than to harm, you are making the world a better place with your empathy and awareness

Me too!!!

@@d.williams6783 Yes. Heaven forbid kids and their ideas/thoughts become too "lofty".

@@robinrevell5873 Oh dear! Exactly the same here! I am 54 and still my mother critizes that I have a Master in Biology. "You never knew where your place was." Her words. I never understood why I have parents who always wanted me small, unsuccessful, poor and stupid. Why the worst crap was still too good for me. Now I understand. They are both narcs who made my life miserable.

@@d.williams6783 Oh my, that was exactly the phrase in my family as well. For me it wasn't just my mom that kept pushing me back down but two much older sisters, that were more functionally like close aunts than sisters, as well... it was a real theme in our family.

Explains perfectly why my narc ex started getting the same probs she formerly had with me only now with our kids once they got to a "better" secondary school than she visited. 🙄

Hi, do you have any resources?

This is beautiful to hear, brother!

What books did you read please?

​@@twillsJKZhey sry to bother you have u found any sources that have helped?

@@plamenvasilev7980 Not really no, im in therapy though. how are you doing?

Codependants feel the same

It is me, me, me. To cry is helping no one. Sorry start to reflect and be empathetic with other persons.

I totally hear and feel you on this one.

I identify with just about everything you're saying.

Money is a bi product of your actions. Those actions might be helpful for you and your self esteem.

Everything is possible with God 🙏🏿😇

that's bpd i think (well sounds more like it)

Are you saying you are a narc?

Just

Thank God for people like you Now I can stop watching your videos It's a little late now after 33 years Of living with my spouse with 3 children 2 adults and one teenager and now I'm single And looking for answers of what happened in my relationship I never realized what I was doing to my family Now I really have to change watching your videos is going to be a great help in my life Thank you so much

Wooow that sooo courageous of uuuu,,,, how u got convinced that’s there is something wrong with u and u need therapy,,, usually nars dont ever admit it nor see it 😢

Thank you for sharing this, man.

Hi Danny. I can relate a lot with your past childhood. Although never physically abandoned in a place or asked to go to bed, there was a hum of “if you don’t do..., this will happen”. I think I cowered most of my school days and only in college when I got a little more freedom to be myself. Hope you’re doing well in therapy. Not sure when I’ll ever start mine.

Well done for being so advanced in your recovery.. debt, bad kid and burden... yeah, I believed it too Keep up the good work

KiwiStyle hy

This is wonderful ❣️❣️👍 good job

Did u manage to change any behaviour workout treatment

How’s your healing going ?

Hi , did you see any progress, any recovery ??

Please, let us know how you went back and paid a price because of this video which appeals to the broken hearts of those on the receiving end of narcissistic abuse.

I hate to see it end also!

Yes excellent video, really engaging person.

What ways are you approaching to work on this ?

Hi , did you see any progress, any recovery ??

Indeed. I don’t understand how parents don’t naturally love their children.

@@RICHARDGRANNON society

@@RICHARDGRANNON in my case it's inter-generational. don't know how it started though I wasn't around then.

That is so wonderful! I have a 7 year old boy and a girl who were abandoned by their father and I try to show and tell them I love them as much as I can. My boy is filled with so much love it amazes me...

@@vhayashi7369 👍❤💚💙

Hi Susan, when it comes to psychology I’m very much for the redistribution of (intellectual) wealth. Many have recommended him over the years and the snippets I’ve seen look great, if I get time I’ll look into it. Well done for hanging in there. Your services will certainly be needed in the next few years we face!

WOW. That got me thinking. Thank you.

Jeanne I ve directly increases my weight after a sexual assault 18nonths ago. I knew in the bk of my mind I was doing it on some subconscious level, as for the same reasoning (unwanted attention socially. Mine was in shops, streets, etc) I would pick my skin or try to look awful in some manner of ways. I imagine it must have been hellish not knowing why we do these things to cover or hide our vulnerability until we feel better. Or acclimatise. Well done. I ve still got 2 dress sizes to drop. Just looks worse because I'm short lol. Take care and we'll done. ✌️❤️💪🙏🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

If u havent, give clean keto a go Takes 2 months of hell, but so worth it. Once i was fully adapted, i was nvr hungry n yet i started worrying about how fast i was losin weight! I was on the diet for medical reasons, paleoketo with AIP principles. I just started it again For me iv hidden myself n made myself unappealing baggy scruffy clothes hair no makeup masculine etc as well as picked my skin. Fullon self neglect xD That too has had its long term consequences I wont regrow my teeth xD

Yes, I did this too & also food seems to be the thing that made me feel good whilst eating. Now, at 52 went on Keto & fasting & it feels good. Such a shame, I wish I knew about it when I was younger.

This resonated deeply with me as well.

I had the same experience being overweight makes u look formidable and unappealing and is a form of protection. Oprah had an episode years ago about how more than 50% of abused children become overwt and obese adults. It has to do with the vagal inervation around mouth, the act of eating calms through the vagus, hence the subsequent drama in life. god bless you stay strong.

Yeah, I didn't feel good about that part, but it's true

@@yeswing10 yes. Sad but better to see them clearly for what they really are imo.

It's not the worst thing in the world... We don't need them.

Makes more sense than love provoking feelings of wanting to die.

@@junelledembroski9183 omg lol. Savage truth

What about the love between you and your father?

Check out Dr. George Simon too then. He's had great success with "character disturbed" individuals (as he calls them) Good luck❤ Christi

You are not an NPD, NPD dont have self awareness whatsoever.

Hey Alex. I'm from the Netherlands. Sorry for my bad English.. I hope you understand me. Buth do I understand it right that you are/were a narcist? And are you healed because of this video or something? Or am wrong?

Absolutely

If you want to attempt healing get the book that he mentions (C-PTSD Surviving Through Thriving). It sounds like you have two very harsh critics (your “inner” and “outer” critics). You can learn to shrink these critics using the anger you were never allowed to express as a child, thought-stopping techniques, and grief work. You’re stuck in a critic-loop scenario. Your harsh inner critic causes you to strive for perfection, and because of this you resent those who don’t do this. Your outer critic is trying to save you from the dangerous feeling of socializing; your inner critic tells you how inadequate you are to socialize with people in the first place, which then causes the outer critic to remind you how horrible people are for causing you to feel so inadequate (when really it’s not others causing you to feel this way, it is coming from your outer critic). From you! But you blame others. This is why/how narcissists project their negative feelings on to others.

I am sorry but I disagree. Lived with one for 28 years. Threw him out around 6-7 times, and they Never change

@Turquoise Cheetah yeah he changed for 3 or 4 months, then it was back to the old bullshit. This happened alot over the years. Had I known about narcissism back then, I would not have stayed in the marriage way back when. It's only when I filed last year, what I had been married to.

If you continue to help him it might hurt him if you truly have no intention of going back to him. Just an idea.

It’s not your job, it’s his. Women needs to stop giving too much.

It could help him, only if he trys to get you back in his life and tell him, you will only consider it if he watches some of these videos.. I don't know, that may sound like bribery or manipulation, but after the pain he caused you, it just may be the karmic lesson he needs.🙏💙☮️💕

Relationships with narcissists can work. But it has to be the right chemistry. I would say that my narcissism is a state of mind that gets triggered in certain situations. As long as your partner does not trigger you then it’s fine.

I can't tell you how much I appreciate someone else saying that. I don't know what's best in your case. In my case, it would probably be absolutely useless but I have the same instinct. Good luck.

Danielle S. blessings to you !!!

👍👏🙏🙏🙏

I remember when my Dad died, it was a car accident, very quick I was in so much trauma. I tried to comfort my Mom, she said, I loved my father more than I loved her. I remember being gobsmacked, it was so untrue and inappropriate at that moment, after the accident. I believe she couldn't understand the grief, she had just lost her codependent.

that is trauma in and of itself. excessive praise is trauma. see Justin Bieber

@@CC-br9qg absolutely!

Try learing about empathy and also ask yourself What kind of person do you want to be? What are your values in Life and are you actually living according to them.

Yes, absolutely know what you mean from my own experience. It could also help to actively practise empathy, so to try to understand and FEEL how you make others feel. Thats how I do it. Try not to bei ashamed that you have to practise that or that others can do it and you can't (yet). Main thing is just that you try and keep trying. You're just a person ;) who was treated badly and nobody showed you how to do it so no wonder you can't.

Omg same!

Cheers Mike 🙏

how are you doing with the process? I think I'm a narcissist and I'm very scared

@@piagammariello3678 Did you experience hurting someone with words and only realize that is wrong after sometime? I can relate with the video. But I think if we fall in the na narc spectrum there is still a true feeling of guilt and shame. But toxic behavior sometimes seems automatic and it needs so much self awareness to do the right thing that we want to do.

Hi , did you see any progress, any recovery ??