I'm a narcissist, unfortunately the child in me lacked emotional support and my feelings were never validated. I became a manipulative person as an adult to get love and fill a whole of low self esteem and low self worth. I'm selfish for always wanting love but never learned to love and give it back. I hope this video helps me, wish me luck everyone, and good luck to the hurting narcissist that are crying for help.

Narcissist’s create narcissists. When I faced this fact in my own family I slowly started to see how I was displaying the same behaviors. Had I not seen it in others, I would’ve never have seen it in myself. Thank you for this. It is a daily challenge to not fall into old patterns but I’d much rather have the life and relationships I have now than ever go back.

I am a NARCISSIST, I WORK SO HARD TO CHANGE AND ITS BRUTAL AT TIMES. MY THINKING "PATTERN" is engrained in me I find myself in a constant battle. Thank you for this, I am trying to learn how to recognize and fix my issues. My wife helps, God gently shows me, and I try to approach everything being aware of it. Your guidance is priceless to me, thank you

1) Be self aware / Be mindful 2) Take "but" out of your vocabulary 3) Get therapy 4) Be grateful and practice gratitude 5) Focus on meaning and purpose 6) Learn to make amends 7) Create new responses to replace the toxic ones 8) Take responsibility for your own shit 9) Self compassion > Self promotion 10) Stay present 10') Turn around patterns of narcissism Validation seeking --> offering to others Lack of empathy --> show it Entitlement --> Let someone in line if they have less stuff Arrogance --> Let lther people be in charge Impulsivity --> Stop and think before you speak 11) RESPOND (mindful and thoughtful), don't react (thoughtless and careless)

"You can disagree with people and you can do it respectfully, but you don't ever get to take their reality away." Golden words.

There are two messages to be heard and they're not for the same ears: 1- To narcissists, yes, you can change. 2- To victims of narcissists, no, you cannot change your narcissist. Narcissists can only change on their own initiative and, especially as their victim, you are not in a position to convince them to do so. That's why it so seldom happens and that's why everybody will tell you they don't change even though, technically, they *could.* It's just that in the vast majority of cases, they *won't,* and *your* efforts to make them are sunk cost.

I want to give a shout out to every narcissist in here, and congratulate him/her for taking a huge first step for acknowledge there narcissism and start our healing journey! We deserve it, our people around us deserve it and especially our loved ones! Take care guys! We can make things better !! 💪💪💪

Thank you. I am a narcissist and an abuser. I wrote this down to reflect and do my best at changing my behavior. I want to be a pleasant experience for those around me. Thank you for the hope. ❤

Thank god for this video everything I see is "how to avoid a narcissist" or "healing after being with a narcissist" I just want to fix myself I hurt people I truly loved who no longer want anything to do with me for good reason I want to fix myself and hopefully contact those people I hurt show I've changed fix what I've done and maybe be allowed back into their lives because it was a privallage I miss so much I miss my friends I miss my ex and don't want to be a villain and a liar I want people to trust me not because I made them THINK they can trust me but because they actually can I want to be trustworthy

1. Mindfulness - self aware/self monitoring. 2. Eliminate the word “but” - it is defensiveness 3. Get therapy - NPD co-occurs with other mental health issues 4. Focus on gratitude; say thank-you authentically 5. Focus on meaning & purpose ~ ‘skip the superficialities’ 6. Learn to make amends 7. Create new responses 8. Take responsibility for YOUR stuff 9. Engage in self-compassion vs self-promotion 10. Take the NPD patterns & turn them around 11. BONUS - Respond - don’t react

I hate that I cant be happy for others who are doing or receiving something I want, when they haven't hurt me at all.

You know, it's interesting, I'm a teacher of young children, and one thing I notice that lots of children haven't learned that I think a lot of narcissists have also not learned is that guilt and shame occur when we take responsibility for our actions, but that is the price we pay for having friends and being liked. I have a student who desperately wants to be liked, but also refuses to acknowledge her own bad behavior or the way she dismisses other kids feelings. I am working hard with her to teach her how to manage feelings of sadness, shame, and anger. She says "no one wants to be my friend" and I say "Name, I've noticed you are asking for other kids to play your way, but not taking turns and playing their way some of the time. I know you want to have fun playing your way, which is great! But if we want to have friends, things cannot always be our way. You are a fun kid, can we give other kids their way sometimes?" and she says to me "But I want things MY way" and starts to cry, haha. I'm still teaching her to breath, look for solutions when calm, take responsibility, and the power of "I can't do it... YET." This poor kid has no coping skills. I wonder if people who don't have parents or teachers like me, who are aware of skills deficits like this, often end up narcissists. This perfectionism and rigidity is distressing her so much. But yesterday she came to me wanting to apologize to another student of her own volition. A huge step, we made a big deal out of her being brave enough to apologize even though she was scared. It's definitely something that can be addressed.

When the pain of being how you are is greater than the pain it would take to change. You will change.

my narcissist father has seen this and realizes how his childhood abuse turned him into a narcissist. Dr Ramani is a saint

I have ruined so many things with this behaviour. It’s been tough to accept. I’ve been so angry and defensive found it really hard to take accountability for my actions. I’m here for the journey. Heys guys, knowing others are in the same boat is helpful. ❤

Thank you. I'm in tears right now.... I didn't used to be this person, but somehow I feel like I've turned into the monster I was once married to, and my current husband is suffering. I genuinely believed I was doing my best, doing THE best, and it hit me like a ton of bricks - I've become a vulnerable narcissist. I don't want to be this way anymore. It's become a cycle that hurts me, my husband, and our kids. I want to be happy and to encourage happiness in others. Thank you so much for your tips.

Thank you for this. After accepting my narcissism traits and listening to how it's impossible to change, I went down a dark path as I felt that there was no hope for me no matter how hard I would work. It's good to know that if you want to change it's possible. Everyone needs hope in life, even narcisists.

I’ll admit I have narcissistic tendencies. This was only revealed to me after having a spiritual awakening and I saw myself/ my actions without any blinders. Mindfulness definitely helps in not hurting more people along my journey. It’s like being an addict, you have to make it a priority to fight against it and be a higher version of yourself for life. The urge to fall back into that way of being never goes away. But its possible to overcome.

Oh my... this is so accurate about me. I have destroyed relationships, multiple jobs, and pushed away almost everyone in my life. I have few friends... I have hurt those around me, with no regard to the impact of my actions... I am a monster. I have tried all the things mentioned with little progress because I always revert to being negative, grumpy, and mean. I want to change this so very badly in my life, I don't want to die alone. It is so hard to practice these skills every day, and feel any progress I ever make still ends In disaster... It takes about 8 years, and I always find myself starting over at square one. I want help. I'm so sorry... truly sorry.

I'm a young, likely covert narcissist and I want to break away from patterns that I've exhibited since age 5. Your videos have helped me a lot to identify and label all of the harmful traits. I have a struggle to feel empathy, and to some extent, conceptualize others' emotions at all. So even if I can usually only see others' pain from an apathetic and disconnected view, I can understand that my actions affect people. I don't know how exactly to help others and be there for them, because without empathy and how I overanalyze ways people could interpret what I say, I can't find encouraging words, but I do try. I believe that I'll soon be able to find a therapist. Changing means a lifelong commitment, which in and of itself scares me. It's also meant that I might have to abandon my dreams of fame because they're unrealistic. Sorry if I've wasted your time with this rant, all I mean to say is, you've helped me understand my behaviors and hopefully push towards improvement.

All people can change if they want to. But people only change if they NEED to. As long as they don't need to cuz there are always new partners available or they get away with it, they won't change.

I spotted this pattern in myself. I can't afford therapy. But I try to attend the 2 sessions by phone a month that the government provides in DBT group therapy. So I have my guitar, and I have this video. Every day I watch it once and try to implement what she says. It's all I got. And it's helping to just finally see the pattern and a rough road map out. Thank you Dr. Ramani.

I’m 21 years old, and I believe that I’m a narcissist. I think I’ve always known it and I’ve refused to be honest with myself. Honesty has always been a problem for me because I’m afraid people will reject me, or think I’m boring, or think I’m a loser, so I make things up or exaggerate. I’ve been doing it my whole life, and because of my behavior people have rejected me. Somehow, There are still people in my life who love me, and I love them more than anything and I don’t want to lose them, yet they have also been deceived by me too. I want to do the right thing, and make amends but I believe I will lose them in the process.

I appreciate this. I realized I’ve been a narcissist my whole life and I want to change

I'd add getting rid of perfectionism. When you / others do mistakes you're / they're not an inherently bad person.

It's such a scary thing when a narcissist makes you believe that it's you being the narcissistic one because you don't please them in all the ways they expect. I've spent a whole year trying to stop being the villain I was made to believe I was just to learn that I was being gaslighted and taken advantage of.

I heard the word Narcissam for the very first time when my mom went to therapy. Turns out my dad is a covert narcissist I started researching the word to see if i could help him get over this and help my family get better. The characteristics started getting so familiar and that's when I realised that i was one too!! Self-righteous, never actually listening to what people say, defensive, superficial goals, sudden outbursts, victim mentality, hating myself, seeking validation, no remorse, and the fact that i don't care for anyone except myself and a handful of people It's scary how my brain keeps thinking about every circumstance so selfishly. It's mortifying how bad this will affect my relationship with the essential people in the future. I don't want to be this person, i want to heal Thank you for these tips, I'll work on myself consistently ( i hope)

Found this video after losing my family due to my narcissist behavior. Im ready to change and ready to heal. Thank you

Writing notes like crazy, I do NOT want to be this. I will change. Thank you.

I believe that everyone can take pointers from this video. Mindfulness is key.

I always thought to myself, “I wont ever be like my family, those narcissistic a**holes. I’m above them.” I never realized until earlier that it might be too late. It also super hard to not say but when your wrongfully accused of something, especially when accused by another narcissist.

My 14-year-old son asked me yesterday "am I a narcissist?". He has a narcissistic father and narcissistic grandparents. I started learning about narcissism 4 years ago and worried about my son because I identified several patterns in his behavior. I consider the fact that he learned about this on his own, and was able to self-identify with the characteristics, as an incredible opportunity for me to guide him and for him to be open to learning how to improve. Thank you for these 11 steps, Dr. Ramani. I think we need more help and guidance for young people out there who are willing and want to change. Thank you🙏

It's been 6 months, and it's almost as if i'm no longer a plague on this earth, and can actually give instead of take. I feel so civilized and can see the humanity in myself and others.

My husband will never do any of these things to improve. He says he will but an hour later back to start... he is a completely different person with me than with others. I see his true self and it’s ugly! I’m done with him. 10 years dealing with this is destroying my spirit and soul.

I wished I would have realized that I was a narcissist many years ago. It would have saved me from losing my family after 16 years. Your video is amazing. Thank you for putting this all in perspective for me and providing ways to make a turnaround.

I'm feel like I'm a narcissist and want to change. Very little information on how to change. Thank you for this video

Finally! I know a lot of people who don't have a narc personality but tendencies. I am one of them. This is helpful.

I love this video. I've had a lot of narcissistic tendencies throughout my life and it takes DAILY work to fight them, but you CAN DO IT. It actually feels amazing to let go of the ego because narcissism is exhausting... I know that most people have a hard time changing, but the biggest step is taking responsibility for how you have hurt others and a willingness to be better. I believe in all of you!

I began watching your videos because I am a victim of narcissistic abuse, but while watching them, I started to realize that I was knee deep in my own narcissistic tendencies. Being able to focus on this in therapy is proving to be very helpful in overcoming my shame and insecurity and helping me stop projecting and reacting from the hip. I dont want to bring pain into the world, I want to bring joy and make people feel safe.. I want to love and empathise with myself and others. I want to be able to validate myself. I want to be happy just existing without envying others. Its like a muscle Ive slowly been learning how to flex after neglecting it for so long. The modern world really does breed narcissism in so many.

More Content like this please, I just been diagnosed as a narcissist. This is a baffling diagnosis to me and that is not the person I want to be. There not a lot of resources out there to help the narcissist not be that way. I truly appreciate your video today. Thank you.

I realized I was a narc as well, I started calling love ones and apologizing for things I had done and acknowledging my bad behavior. I felt deep shame and anxiety doing it. But, I think this was a good start on my road to recovery.

I cried during this video, because of the realisation of how I've treated some people in my life. I've attempted meditation a little, but not taken it seriously, so I'm going to give that a stronger go. I feel it helps me react less and be more mindful, when I've been meditating regularly. I have a 1 year old son now, and I WILL change, for him. I don't want him seeing narcissistic behaviour from me and thinking that it's OK. It's not. Thank you for the video.

I've been drowning myself in self-help books and videos to try and figure out why my relationships with friends since coming to university have turned so sour. I managed to find the specific tendencies, and that I was very (and still am) insecure. But honestly it is only now that I realised that can really just sum it up that I'm narcissistic. Thankfully I've been working on being compassionate and really having regard for others so I'm glad I've taken a step in that direction. I've made closer, more genuine friendships and it motivates me to keep putting the work in. Life is so much better since I started caring about others.

I acted somewhat narcissistic at the end of my last major relationship. It scares me when I look back. I kept dumping her and then pulling her back. Later I found out that the thing I was doing was manipulative. I didn't want to admit it but I was toxic. I hated her and I wanted her to hurt just as much as I was hurting inside. I had convinced myself that it was "payback" for all the evil things she did while we were dating. But no one deserves to have their heart played with.

Speaking of "gratitude" folks I've been in the habit of writing a gratitude list (no matter how small or big) everyday or every other day. It makes a difference in self. I humbly ask you to try it for a week

My husband and I are both children of Narcissists. We both have narcissitic tendencies, but neither of us are full-on Narcissists like our parents (who can't/won't see it and are toxic.) We both have things to work on, I am also Asperger's and he is ADHD. It is not easy.

I dont want to be a narcissists anymore

At age 37 I realized I did all these things, and I even watched many of your videos before from a lens without my own self reflection, not realizing it was describing me until I finally admitted to myself it was me, and now I see how I have done all these things. Thanks so much for this video, it has really helped me.

Lost a beautiful emotionally intelligent person, that leads me into reflecting to these. She deserves all the love and respect she gives. She's definitely entitled to her peace. Thank you.

I realized I have a narcissistic behavior and I hurt the people I cared the most, mostly because I react to everything and I’m not mindful, I want to change my mental health and be healthy for me and the people around me. Thank you Dr. Ramani

I'm SO grateful I found this video. My mom has narcissistic personality disorder and schizophrenia. I learned everything from her. I've had a few wake up calls (including Taylor Swift's Anti-Hero) and also my husband telling me I'm mean to him and he's just trying to solve problems we have. It was like watching myself talk to my mother. Narcissism is toxic, but it never feels like there's any help and has driven me to some pretty dark negative places. I hope everyone here is able to relate to feeling like there's a light at the end of this tunnel💖

This video is absolute gold. Like many other commenters here I had the usual unstable background, extremely emotionally remote/narcissistic father, the history of countless relationships ending badly, the very flimsy sense of self, impulsivity, extreme introversion and relentless self-hatred, substance abuse, sensitivity to criticism, childhood trauma, obsession with perfection and praise, tendency to explode, etc etc. It's all there. Along with therapy, the thing that has led me to the point of being able to look clearly and honestly at my behavioural patterns and their often horrific effects on others is the AA 12 step program. The pointers Dr Ramani outlines here are really sort of indistinguishable from the 12 steps. Perhaps in AA they're more formalised, and someone (a sponsor) "takes you through them" but essentially we're talking about the same things. It's been one of the scariest periods of my life since I finally got sober and found a sponsor. I felt pretty good for a couple of weeks then completely mismanaged something work related (I exploded over a perceived slight from others and completely destroyed a working relationship of five years with two people who never did anything but love and care for me) and EVERYTHING came crashing down. I am in no doubt now that I have pronounced narcissistic tendencies. My relationship history and total lack of insight into the feelings of others tells me this. It was perhaps dormant or sort of low-key there all my life (and manifested in various shitty ways - introversion, self-obsession, using others, alcoholism, drug abuse, sexual impulsivity, inability to naturally empathise etc) but has sort of aggressively blossomed following the trauma of losing my dad a year ago. However this trigger seems to have finally allowed the behaviours to fully come into the open, which I'm oddly grateful for. Its like I've just woken up and can now see how I lived completely blind, blinkered, self-absorbed, painfully sensitive and unable to really meet anyone in actual reality for most of my life. I feel hugely grateful to the AA program for helping me first gain initial sobriety and now for opening my eyes to the absolute wreckage of my past. I'm also aware this is going to be the work of the next decade of my life. Undoing the damage (internally and externally) and setting a whole new bunch of ways of living in motion. I'm ready. As others have said here, when carrying on as you are becomes intolerable, and those old ways are revealed for what they are, and the damage you have caused others and yourself is laid completely bare in front of you, you are ready to change and will do anything to make that happen. The alternative for me would be suicide. I guess the one (very) tentative positive I can glean from any of this, and it's a tiny consolation given how empty and terrified I currently often feel, is that I'm finally at a place where I can hold my hands up and say "this is me" and begin the work. Next month I also begin working with a new therapist, with this specific issue front and centre. Despite the churning gut and abject terror of realising I am The Narcissist (as Dr Ramani puts it!), I have also never felt more committed and determined to heal. Thanks again everyone for your kind, honest words, and thank you Dr Ramani for giving me hope this evening.

This is definitely me. Vulnerable narcissist. I have to change. My heart hurts so much as I’m realizing how much hurt I’ve spread all my life. I’ve been parading as an empath. I really thought that was my truth. 🤦‍♀️ I feel like a garbage human and I don’t know how to open my heart. I’ve gone to suicidal ideation again and again over this (bipolar, so it’s familiar territory anyway). But that’s just more selfishness, pitiful ness, and covert narcissism. Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for sharing helpful information for narcissists like me when there is so little information out there beyond telling us we are horrible human beings doomed to be horrible forever. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

Being a mother, was my turning point. I come from a narcissistic family, I had a couple of narcissistic partners and I, myself , probably was in some ways behaving and reacting in the same way... But just imagining that I could hurt my son in some way, made me want to shift my ways and always be careful with him. It also made me more aware of the blind spots, and responding instead of reacting. I think it has been a real journey into maturity and responsability! I really want him to be happy and feel loved and to have what I didn't.

I have a narcissistic personality style and I have felt trapped in a loop, everything on repeat no matter what I do. This has been my first window into how I am and I finally see hope and a way to not be this way. I deeply long for connection and a meaningful life. I am going to watch this often.

I’ve cried , laughed, and have had so many HOLY $HIT moments after just one day of watching . My husband of 25 years has narcissistic blood. I don’t know how many times I’ve cried last couple days from well medical thing and he well your always crying then proceeded to continue his verbal abuse. II am strong! I I will gtf out! I will freaking survive, I’m calling to find a councillor tomorrow . I want to thank you for opening my eyes amd telling me that I’m not alone or crazy Much love ❤

Actually every one whether narcissist or codependent or empath should follow this coz while being in the narcissistic relationship we can forget these principles

I didn't realise that when I was a teen and decided that I will be the exact opposite of everything I hated about my mother, I set myself on a path of therapy, self-treatment and avoidance on becoming a narcissist. I would like to thank my past self for having this innate wisdom to walk away with the unconscious knowledge that that kind of life is not a Life.

I feel im on the verge of losing everything. Family kids everything. I honestly know I am narcissistic I have hurt the ones I love. I am going to watch this everyday if I have to. Thank you so much for this.

i met a Psychiatrist who told me that awareness of your personality difficulties can cure the problems by 70 percent

I am in a codependent relationship. I am a diagnosed narcissist. Have been in therapy for 6 years. And i'm finally able to accept my PTSD which created my NPD. I have finally convinced my partner who suffers from a similar condition to start going to therapy. Your videos have really helped me bring to words all the things that I felt I needed in order to move forward with more confidence. I want to be happy. I want my girl to be happy. I want us to be happy. And we can only be happy if we are at peace with what we are and take the required measures to deal with what we are.

Now, the next part should be: As a parent, how do you PREVENT your children from becoming narcissists. Although I don't think narcissist parents would care.

I’m saving this video to keep watching. I have narcissistic tendencies, but I’m not a full blown narcissist. I started life as an empath. I could feel others pain. I refused to gossip & tried to be kind. I was rarely angry and had a quick temper that blew over quickly without demeaning the other person. I grew up in a narcissistic household and then started dating narcs. One day I felt the empath switch turn off. I didn’t know what it was, but I felt the change. I still treated people well, but gossip and general anger was creeping in. I worked on the anger 30 years ago. It still wants to bubble up, but 99% of the time I won’t let it. Anyone wanting to change, Dr Rimini isn’t kidding. It’s HARD. I have been watching these videos and realize I have other behavioral issues to work on. I know what empathy is, and work hard expressing it. Sometimes I’m almost faking empathy, but that’s ok, because others need that empathy and I’ll get there one day. I still self sabotage by not doing things I know I need to do, but I’m working on it. I’m Catholic and Confession helps me also, because many of these behaviors fall under categories of sin. I’ll never be perfect. The struggle is real. I’m committed to keep chugging along.

Today I came into terms with my narcissism to face it. Take accountability for my actions and change for the better. I didn’t realize how blind i was to it until I seen how bad I was hurting my wife. This started for me as a child and I didn’t understand how bad it was until opening my eyes to the truth. I had a sick obsession with being perfect, feeding my ego with the validation of multiple women wanting me. I’m seeking out videos like this as well as therapy to help myself. Thank you for this video!

My NARC ex stalks my KZfaq comments so I thought is direct it in a constructive way. And I am amused

Defensiveness is absolutely one of my narcissistic “fleas” from my childhood. My ex brought out a ton of my worst patterns but therapy taught me healthier ways to communicate.

I was expecting it to be very hard to watch, but it felt unexpectedly good and healing

35 thousand people have liked this video, suggests that so many people realise that they want to change themselves. This gives me so much hope, being a narcissistic personality myself, to change for the person I love. I will try to do anything to change for us.

This is beautiful. I think that targets of narcissists ALWAYS take on some narcissistic traits in order to cope. I think the skills you're teaching are good for re-normalizing targets once they leave the narcissist. I also think it pays to do all these things regardless of whether you or your partner is narcissistic. These are good tools to foster healthy relationship in general!

Just recently discovered I have plenty of narcissistic tendencies. I want to be better. I will be better. I want to be better for my girl, but more importantly myself. It takes me to change my thoughts. No more excuses. My highest version of myself is waiting! I hope we all win our silent battles❤️

Dr. Romani, How do I make my wife with narcissistic behavior watch this video without her getting upset about me bringing this up? Thank you for such a wise explanation. Wish you the best.

i used to have narcissistic tendencies during school years. it was partly because yes, as what dr. ramani often said, narcissism is rewarded in society. many aspects of my life changed when i had depression in college. since then, i learned a lot from my therapist and i have started to change. it's so hard to change patterns and sometimes i still can't control my rage. but with the help of God and by watching these videos, i hope i can get better and not hurt the people around me 😓

When I first started learning about narcissism I would watch these youtube videos and say: Gosh, that happened to me, I feel that way, I was treated that way at the same time as saying: I've done that to someone. I did that to someone. I did that too...I quickly realized that I was on two parallel paths: One as the victim of not one but three narc parents (one is a step-parent) in a deeply dysfunctional family, alongside being the perpetrator of my own dysfunctional narc behaviours. It's been a mind blowing turning point for me. I have carried a veil of sadness that I could literally physically feel hanging over me most of my life but I could never understand what it was or how to get rid of it. It's finally slowly starting to dissipate, and I am so deeply grateful for that.

Thank you Dr Ramani. I’ve been so down because I was one of those believers that “narcissists never change” due to your past videos, but this video really really really helped me out since I’m one of this narcissists trying really really hard every single day to change. It’s so hard, it really is, I am on the brink of giving up because I’m stuck in that duality since I’ve also been diagnosed bipolar with cptsd. I am glad I am doing DBT and I want to change for myself so I can be a better dad for my family.

I’ve been looking more into this as I’m finding out more and more that I’m a vulnerable narcissist. My son is the same way and I learned it from my mother. Now I’m trying to fix myself before I lose everything I have, my family. I have an amazing wife that still sees the hood in me and that she believes in me and that I can do this. I will be doing more watching and learning more. Thank you!!!!

A very close friend suffered some serious setbacks recently which led to a few people in his orbit abandoning him. A classic covert narcissist such as he probably wouldnt care a great deal, but because his behavior led to incarceration, he now seems broken, admitting to loneliness, accepting his vulnerability, showing remorse, and expressing a sincere desire to change. As an empath i know he's capable and i know his committment is genuine. Everywhere you look, it says narcissists dont change so i was so glad to find this video that offered me a glimmer of hope to support my friend on his journey down a new path. Im certain that we can take advantage of the misfortune and put the pieces back together in a new and better way. Thank you, Dr Ramani for your wonderful videos and for addressing this topic in particular, in a way that was understandable, optimistic and compassionate.

Wooooooooooooooo WE!!!! That is heavy and slapped me in the face this AM!!! My mom was/is a malignant narcissist, I've been in therapy for years and just recently stumbled upon these videos thru Red Table Talk!!! I need, not want, but I NEED to change not only for myself, but for my wife and kids!!! It's gonna take A LOT of work, so pray for me!!! ❤🙏❤ ~one~luv~

The struggle I have with the narcissist, and the hurt I’m getting through is the fact that they don’t care enough about me and our daughter to change. Seeing how much he just doesn’t care really stings. However, I accept it, and I’m learning not to take it personally and understand that he views me as an adversary now.

I came to the realization today that I am a narcissist. I can and will do the work to be a better person. Thank you for making this video.

Dr. Ramani. I think I have NPD and I'm having a really hard time accepting it. I have hurt so many people in my life including my parents who have passed away years ago. I feel like a total failure in life to both myself and them. I saw this video and it hit home that I need help. In my area I have no one to turn to for counseling as the mental health system in Ontario Canada is way overloaded. I have heard that the average wait time for a space is around 1 to 2 years unless you do something like self harm. I need help badly. Shane B.

I am an angry, argumentative, defensive Empath! I suffered narcissistic abuse all of my life. When you first spoke of the defensiveness, I thought, yeah, I do that. I am very defensive and when I'm hurt, I can lash out -react without responding. Are there many people who are empaths who do have some personality traits of a narcissist? I took a few online tests, ONLY ONE item made me narcissistic -- my health!! LOL I talk about too much! I drive an old 2005 car, follow the "stoic" type IDGAF mentality. I have let people get in front of me at the store and I let people cut in front of me when driving. I'd rather be late than get a ticket or have an accident. Its when I am really hurt I feel a need to defend myself.

BRILLIANT! I had a narc in my life and when I asked her if she could be "nice" to me she said: "You're trying to change who I am..." Wow...what an eye opener. Before her, I had never met anyone who wakes up in the morning desiring to do harm unto others...the 'how-can-I-be-an-asshole-today' attitude. After her statement I had nothing, no retort, just nothing. I just wish she had told me about her attitude in life so that I could have avoided being drained by her narcissistic tendencies for over a decade of my life...

Thank you for showing me the truth about my bad behavior so i can change for my loved ones and apologize to those ive hurt

This is very helpful. I've realised I have narcissistic traits and have booked my first therapy session. I need to be a better person.

I have/had narcissistic traits that made my life miserable, but at least I came by them honestly(!). After being the sacrificial lamb on the altar of my mother’s and then my husband’s needs (27 years), I’m done, but still grappling with the ingrained , internalized negative feelings about myself and my life. What I’m working on now is being responsive instead of reactive, and practicing gratitude every day. The best breakthrough was the moment I realized what it meant to be empathic and supportive of another person. Imagine! And thank god.

The first half of this video was painful, like a dentist describing the pain of a root canal before getting started….pretty terrifying. During the second half I felt relief and hope. I wish anyone else that’s going through this the best of luck. Thank you Dr. Ramani

This is my first day of actual realization, and start of journey to heal. I ruined so many relationships with people, and today it hit me like lighting. 🙏 Wish me luck 🍀

I felt I was face to face with her and actually getting a therapy session. I listened very closely to every word she was saying and analyzing them. It felt amazing.

5:38 *Bᴇꜱᴛ Sᴛᴀᴛᴇᴍᴇɴᴛ Eᴠᴇʀ* 4:24 ¹ be mindful ( *the Money Shot* ) 6:46 ² take the word "but" out of vocabulary 7:28 commit to learn from interaction 7:52 8:34 9:32 10:00 ³gotta get therapy, appropriate intervention 10:11 ⁴ focus on gratitude 11:06 ⁵ focus on meaning and purpose ...suffering seizes to be suffering at the moment it finds meaning... 12:11 ⁶ learn to make authentic amends 13:02 ⁷ create NEW responses 13:50 ⁸ take responsibility for your stuff ...style of 'projection, denial, deceit' 15:00 ⁹ be 'Kind' to yourself, 'Empathic' to your own hurts and wounds 15:37 16:24 stay in the moment 16:40 ¹⁰ turn patterns around 18:16 respond (slow, mindfull, thoughtful) *versus* react (thoughtless, careless) 12:45 ⬅️ hit repeat➡️17:39

Love this video, as someone who was raised by someone who was raised by someone who was narcissistic(generations of abuse). I have empathy but at the same time I feel like being raised by a narcissist makes me prone to having those tendencies. It's not comforting to see that it's just a hopeless situation and we should all run away or be abandoned. I feel like no one should be painted by such a broad brush, especially if we want to change and break the cycle.

"Are you 'response-able'? Do you have the ability to respond?" One of my old gurus used to say that!! I find that when I'm 'below the line' mood-wise, my mind is waaay more reactive. Still haven't fully mastered catching that impulse-response thing, but I've made huge strides in most areas with my narcissistic tendencies. Thanks for this.

After discovering that I was living with narc I have accomplished to become so cold that now carry these trades after 20 years. Thank you for the tips. I have to re-design myself now so I attract more positivity and love on.

The best thing they can do is accept who they are and see it from a neutral perspective. Only then will they be able to change. Accountability comes first.

I'm a covert self diagnosed. It's incredibly demeaning, and it's demoralizing. Dbt as well as anger management classes every damn week. Self awareness is my enemy because then what happens? I project. It's definitely me.

Excellent video! One tip I would add that I’m currently working on: “acceptance and recognition”. I mean: accept people’s diversity, how they really are. For narcissists there is only one type of acceptance: the one they expect to fill their needs. Recognition means that we need to think about ourselves and other people as individuals that have an unique identity, which is as valuable as yours. I recognize having some aspects of narcissism as well, coming from a narc family and suffered narc abuse myself, triangulations, manipulation and all that kind of stuff. I’m gonna take these tips seriously, how hard it is I prefer spending my time and energy putting this into practice rather than building myself an image I don’t own. Again, thank you for sharing your content here ❤

Anyone else here bc they grew up around narcissists and are being one now? Thanks for giving us hope, I hate the way narcissism makes me feel and I hate what it does to everyone I’m supposed to love

Please talk about how we are pushed to adopt narcissistic tendencies. I react and argue with when I'm pushed too far and it's exhausting. Not to mention I really hope I'm not a narcissist. I can also see how a skilled narcissist can use this to trick someone into "see? you need to stop arguing with me!" 😫

My wife and best friend of 16 years finally left me. I now live completely alone in a country i moved to for her to be closer to her family and safer for my kids. I wish I got the therapy I now attend years ago. I suffered trauma as a child and so did my mother. I never understood that my mother's trauma was pushed onto me and then I became her by pushing that trauma onto our kids. I desperately tried to reconcile with her for the sake of our children but she's moved on and is happier without me. I pray to God everyday that one day she sees the changes I'm trying to make and is willing to try again when I'm healed and made sufficient growth as a father and man. I can only pray.

There's literally zero chance of this happening with my mother; she will never do this. I realized that a while ago and just gave up trying to talk to her. On the flipside, I've worked very hard to address some of the personality traits within myself, but that requires taking responsibility for one's own actions and behaviour, empathy for others, making amends, choosing not to escape through substance abuse, having a purpose outside of oneself...and everything else you mentioned. It hasn't been easy, but with help and support I'm making progress. It makes me sad sometimes to think that she probably won't ever find healing, because she refuses to see she even has a problem.

I’ll be honest I’ve been watching these videos over the last couple of days and definitely see in myself some narcissistic qualities especially when I was younger. 100% right it comes from abandonment issues in childhood and low self-esteem. After a break up about five years ago I found a good psychologist and started therapy and it helped tremendously. Only once I could start repairing my self-esteem, take responsibility for my behavior, and stop attention seeking and thrill seeking, did I finally start to feel at peace. She recommended that I stay single for at least two years. I am now five years single and happiest happiest I’ve ever been. Maybe someday I will have a romantic relationship again, I don’t know, but I do know that if it happens things will be much different. And yes, I have strong eyebrows😂