Hey guys Adam and Eve doesn't want hyperlinks in the description so just type in the web address and use the code for access. Also monetization is looking good so feel free to skip the ads lol, although there is some other clown ish going with the title but we'll circle back to that.

Man is directly calling out race-play kink people and I’m all here for it.

That Terry Crews thing was so upsetting. It was already career suicide for him to come out with his story, and knowing that he still forged ahead because he knew it was the right thing to do. I'm so happy he did; he expressed a true form of courage that can be so rare to find these days.

Being a black German this hits home on many levels. I feel like coming home, finally being understood. In 9/10 initimate situations with girls, being one night stands or relationships, I had girls tell me I’m not acting „black“ or disliking that my favourite song wasn’t from Tupac, to the point of calling me fake. I also notice that many girls expect me to be some kind of gangsta persona. The racism is real.

I’m Japanese-American. The amount of people making fun of me for being Asian with the “tiny d-ck” stereotype is amusing. Asian men have stereotypes that are the opposite of black men’s. We are seen as very timid, sexually unattractive, shy, and even there are people who denied having intercourse with asian men because of the stereotype. We are seen more feminine and not appealing to women as well. In some LGBT themed medias, asians are often described as submissive who depend on non-asian men. This is tiring.

As an Asian man I can relate to what you said through the hypersexualization and objectification of Asian men. We’ve been hypersexualized in almost the complete opposite way. For years we were portrayed as soft, small feminine men who couldn’t please a women. Stereotypes were made about the size of our dicks, with the ultimate goal of painting us as less than ideal male partners. Now the femininity and sensitivity portrayed by K-pop stars has reshaped how people view East Asian people, to the point where now were being fetishized for our perceived “perfect skin”, “youthful features”, and “unique facial structures”. I can only see the K-pop movement backfiring for Asian Americans.

I remember when Terry crews talked about being sexually molested at a party and people criticized him because he's so muscular how could you let someone do that to you...but what people dont realize is that those situations can freeze you. When I was in grad school my roommates had a small gathering at our apartment, and one of the guys there started trying to caress me as a joke and my mind went blank. All I could think of was that I dont want him doing this but I couldnt verbalize it or physically respond. It took my roommate telling him to stop before the guy realized that I didnt like the homoerotic joking stuff that some people like to do. I'm not nearly the size of Terry crews, but I'm still a high school athlete who played sports recreationally. But people just dont understand the psychology of these things.

I remember when my parents moved us to a very white town in northern Ireland and it was horrible ☠️☠️. Everything you addressed is 100% accurate, all the white northern irish students always made jokes about me having a “bbc” and always asking me why i’m not “tall and muscular” like “other black men” like bro… im just a skinny, short 15 year old sudanese kid who just wants to get through secondary school 😭😭. Unfortunately as time passed in that town, i grew more insecurities and felt pressured to assimilate into their version of “what a black man should be like” 🥴. Fast forward, my family moved us to Sudan after covid and I’m grateful that i don’t need to be around that kind of environment on a daily basis anymore

I saw a twitter thread this passing week which was really an eye-opener for me on a particular topic, that being women, specifically older white women coming from western countries, participating in sex tourism is a lot more common than you think. They travel to developing countries, namely those Africa and the Caribbean, to have sex with young black men, and a lot of the times these “men” are actually underaged. it’s just so appalling to me and really goes to show that white women are just as culpable in dehumanizing black men as their male counterparts

Honestly, sometimes I feel like there are white women who forget that slavery is over and still think they can just walk up and demand the time and attention of any black man in their vicinity.

Being a mixed dude in a white community, my friends growing up always asked me which half of my body was black, upper or lower. I didn't realize how fucked up this was until just now. Thank you for bringing this to light

I remember this show called “passion” back in Chile, in one episode they invited a black man (black immigrants were new in Chile back then) and he said he was bothered about woman being so interested in his penis size… so the woman interviewer proceeded to ask if “the myth was real” making him evidently uncomfortable on national tv

I'm mixed race (not black, however) so my experience is limited. On my second day at college/uni I was groped by a girl after telling them I was half Persian and she said "you must be packing". To be honest I went home after that and cried because I know if I said anything as a 6'2 hairy half middle Eastern person I would be seen as the agressor. And if I told any guys they would congratulate me and say they were jealous. It's a terrible feeling being exoticised. Thank you for making this video and I hope me sharing this experience isn't me taking away space from folks, solidarity.

You almost cannot bring this topic up in the gay community without making every white gay uncomfortable.

Your statement about white men fetishizing black men's bodies the most is on point. As someone who's grown up and socialized a lot in white spaces, I never cease to be amazed with how many straight white men ask or make assumptions about my sex.

I’ve felt for a long time that being a black man and being a human were not synonymous. It feels great to have those feelings acknowledged

The Terry Crews bit and how people downplayed it just reminded me of how the Tokyo police's App that came out this year, meant to help with molestation on trains. The app quite literally just alerts everyone surrounding the victim and perp by saying "Please Stop" loudly while also alerting authorities... and all the victim has to do is press the screen. There's a reason it was designed like that - victims freeze no matter how "strong" they seem/are. I wish more people understood it like the creators of that app do...

I really appreciate the fact that you made this video. I'm still making my way through it but I just want it to say that I think it's absolutely amazing that you're having this conversation as a black man. When I hosted my call-in show about race play it was really interesting to speak directly to black men about this because on one hand it sort of confirmed a lot of my suspicions about race play and how black men interpret it. A lot of black men feel incredibly undesired outside of the context of being sexually fetishized. So if they meet an embodiment of the ideal a white man or a white woman, who is willing to praise and worship them for being black men, to them this doesn't fully feel like a negative thing. It's interesting because as a transgender woman I sort of experience a combination of the race place stereotypes. People often digest me as dominant and domineering because I'm a black woman who is confident in herself and if they know that I'm transgender, the first thing they will ask me is how big my genitalia is and whether or not I want to use it on them. Without getting into too much detail about my shit. Being on hormones for over a decade makes some dramatic impacts on your genitalia and even before that happened I would never be able to claim BBC status lol but none of that really matters. These people have a very particular idea of the kind of person I am the sort of body I have because I was designated mail at birth. White men are uncomfortably fixated on black penis to the degree in which even heterosexual ones fetishize the idea of black men overtaking their partner. And a lot of black men are excited at the idea of essentially sticking it to the white man by fucking his woman and so you have a lot of black men who don't really examine a lot of the complexities around how they're being fetishized. It feels complimentary to them but I especially see it as not so complimentary because I know that at the other end of this is dehumanization. But I have sex quite dramatically differently than the black men in these conversations so I don't exactly benefit from those exchanges and I struggle to say they really do either, but that's certainly not how many of them feel . I think that it's going to take a lot of black men having conversations with themselves about the stuff for things to shift and change. As a person in the kink community, I observe quite frequently that people have not really examined this ism. I know a lot of liberal white women who are fully into BBC fetishism and if they told you it was connected to racism they would probably point to the fact that they keep a black man on the side for a sexual play thing as an example of them not being racist. Which is funny, because that's exactly what the conservative woman would say. I've ran into more than a few conservative couples with a BBC fetish. People who would absolutely go out of their way to detract and downplay black experiences and pain often get off on the idea of sexually exploiting black folks. It's quite dark out there and it's unfortunate to me that more men haven't examined this because part of the reason it happens so frequently is because these people who do it are often never told no. I'm the sort of person who will yell at you if you come to me with that race play bullshit and so many people are so shocked and surprised when I do it because they're so used to just outright fetishizing someone and them going for it.

I'm not black and I'm not an adult yet But conversations like this make me reflect on my experiences And help prevent me growing up into a trash person

Lets talk about it. Background: I am half black and half asian. I feel like black men are fetishized for every part but their brain. There is no support for mens black features aside from whats down there. And the fetishization of Asian men is ridiculous because it also taps into colorism- but are KPop stans/Asian fetishists ready for that convo? The whole soft face, infantilism....all towards a grown 30 year old man, and it only drives up the demand to look "perfect".

I broke up with my 69 year old, white, French Canadian, best friend because she spoke about black men like flavors of ice cream she wanted to try. She would say things like, "Black men are more aggressive." Etc. SMFH the feminist mask dropped HARD. The white tears, caucasity and rage that came next was the last straw. We were DONE in an instant when I calmly explained how hurt I was by what she said. That shouldn't have happened. She was over twice my age. I thought she was smart. She pretended to be cultured, but she was really just collecting information for her further prejudice. She had traveled far and assumed to know something about every culture she encountered. But she really just shared her blind views. Generational wealth problems be like...

Black sexuality can be as predatory as it is enthralling for black men to participate in. Like you said the caricature we embody is the same one that devoid us of our perceived humanity. I never really had a problem getting women but having sex is another story of complicated emotions. Everytime I’m in the act I feel like I need to over-perform to reaffirm my masculinity. “Yea my dick is big”, “yea I am handsome”, “yea I am pretty”, “yea I do, do it best”. At the end of the day it boils down to feeling wanted and a lot of black men, like myself, begin to be trapped in the cycle of being wanted only for sex. But this has nuances too because sex is the only way a lot of us ever feel appreciated for ourselves. (Btw I’m not pushing fetishization as a means of emotional/physical security. I’m just stating how insecurities and lack of emotional/physical affection can feed into the need for sex)

The part about mostly white men fetishizing black men is so damn true. Being in the Army with mostly white guys, I would hear those stereotypes constantly. Funny enough, I'm a nerdy, quiet dude who (at the time) wasn't really in to sex. Till this day I still have insecurities because I may or may not reach the expectations of what a "black man" supposed to be. It's annoying really.

That's exactly what happens in Brazil, both with people from another parts of the country and with foreigners. Sex tourism is one of the main crimes committed here, with people coming from abroad to "enjoy the tropical bodies" of black men and women. It's disgusting

White guy with black best friend, saw this play out every single night at the bar when the women saw us walk in. Back then we were both too drunk and stoned to care, but now that we are older we both see it.

The "exaggerated swagger" line about Miles Morales always felt weird to me, and I realized it's because they attribute his swagger to his blackness, not to him individually. They don't say "Because miles has this desire to look cool he has this exaggerated swagger".

Y'all bless the sponsor link in the description cause ain't no way this monetizated but fingers crossed 🤞🏿 Bonus points to whomever could understand me in the tik tok cause it wasn't made with the American gaze in mind 😅 Lastly, as always, Unc has taken an age old issue and still provided novel insights.

As a 20 year old black man, the amount of times ive heard “dont mess with that snow bunny she’ll scream rape in a second” is wild

The problem with fetishizing anyone is that you place them in a box . When I am seen I am viewed as dangerous, unpredictable, unprincipled, unintelligent and undeserving . These sentiments unfortunately define how black men are treated within society when they interact with the white power structure . Black men like men from other groups are complex . I have had white women startle when they see me. These are people that I work with but they may have looked back and saw a black man.I am not a large man . They have been taught that black men are dangerous. I had a client tell a coworker that I looked shady . Black men who revel in the stereotypes that are held about black men have to realize that these stereotypes were created to subjugate us . Excellent video .

As a young black woman who attended a white high school and now attending a PWI college I noticed how white women and white men fetishize black men and women. I also notice when it’s done to our face black men usually except it as a compliment or them desiring them. A lot of time I overhear them saying they only dating black guys just for the s*x because it’s better. It’s really dehumanizing for black men to be known for their male organ or just a sexual object

I’m so glad that people are talking about this. Fetishization and hyper sexualization around race is nasty. It’s like our culture no longer dates or finds people attractive just because they are attractive….it’s as if people have started to become porn categories. Separating people into race, age or body types. It’s as if people are becoming products you can pick out at a store and not human beings.

Im a black woman and as a child I went to a predominantly white school. I remember in high school I was with my boyfriend at the time (nonblack) and his friends were snickering in the back. And I asked what it was about and he was like “oh yeah they’re impressed I got with a black girl”. I think he thought I’d take it as a compliment but I felt so weird about it

I have heard from men I have dated, as well as men whom are just good friends of mine, multiple stories of women not respecting their right not to give consent. My ex used to apologise in advance before telling me that he wasn't in the mood for sex tonight as if anticipating me being angry at that, when if the roles were reversed his anger at my denial of sex would undoubtedly be viewed as abusive. This always surprised me that he should feel the need to apologise just for exercising bodily autonomy and setting boundaries. Society has so ingrained in women that their sexual desirability to men is what gives them worth, and that men always want sex, so when men don't want to have sex it's common for women to feel rejected and worthless and instead of owning and acknowledging that insecurity, they lash out at the man who declined sex, or guilt them into agreeing to it anyway. There is an under appreciation for how many women ignore or take offence to men trying to set sexual boundaries, because they have been taught by society that if a man doesn't want them 24/7 there must be something wrong with them (or the man). This is a pervasive problem which is undoubtedly the result of patriarchy, and it seems to (sadly unsurprisingly) be even more prominent a problem for black men.

I was 11 when my Female baby sitter had her way with me, I was beaten and called a liar, for 13 years I thought I was wrong, it was when I was 25 when my family found out how nasty she was, she was doing it to her own kids and was sent to jail. No one said sorry or anything, I could of became a Pedo due to this because no one talks about when a woman does that shit and break a man mindset into becoming that kind of monster. TBH no one cares when it happens to a man because we wanted it in the 1st place, does not matter what age or anything... I am now. Look get help if you are a Male Victim please seek help. TBH I do not know what it means to be a black man because growing up I was never seen has black even tho I grew up in the Hood until I got into foster care.

Hey everyone. So I made a pretty big mistake in the video identifying Arthur Ashe as openly gay. This seems to be untrue or at least in question. It is likely a result of rumors caused by him contracting HIV. I should have double checked that info and just wanted to clarify. Will probably cut that small blurb from the video eventually.

I am an indian woman and even for me, this was eye-opening and informative! it is always interesting to hear about different communities and their respective issues.

Andre3000 is such a wise man. There is nothing wrong with stillness and silence. I respect that choice over someone making noise just to be seen.

As an asexual black man, the discourse of black male sexuality has always been a very tricky subject to navigate. Sometimes I feel I don't have much to contribute to since I don't have much experience sexually. But I do recall the IDEA of my sexual prowess being topic of discussion, mainly from white men and black women. But it was always about my body. Almost like I could be a mannequin and they'd still have the same discussion around it

Picking up on one thing you mentioned briefly in the video: The erasure of different European identities to create a one sence of whiteness is ongoing in Europe, as a child I was still punished for speaking my native dialect in school, my native dielect is dead now, I don't remember more than a few words. People don't even know that less than 100 years ago you used to be able to know which specific valley in the Alps a woman came from and her martial status based on the unique headpieces she would wear. Capitalism played a role as well, but the fact that the slogan "we have made Italy, now we have to make the Italians" chanted by the government of the time and the gradual disappearance in hyper-local dress and identities coincided with italy's ventures into colonialisation of the global South, I think is no coincidence.

I'm thinking about the fetishization I've received as a Trans Woman, and how a lot of Cis Men and Woman see me as a "Sissy" or just another form of effeminate man, or a girl with "something extra". and how difficult it became for me to define myself because of all that. I was groomed by older people at 15-16 online when I was at my lowest and loneliest, because I just wanted to be seen and loved as a woman. To this day, all the people I have had sex with (besides people I fooled around with online) are also Trans and/or Nonbinary. I just always have that worry of people seeing me in a different way than I see myself. and honestly, Until I saw other Trans feminine people reclaiming their sexuality for themselves, did I realize that I could feel "sexy". that it didn't matter what genitals I had, I could live and love how I wanted to as long as I had folks who would see me and love me for who I am. I am still intimidated when it comes to any possible sexual or romantic interaction with a Cis person, because I feel like I don't have to worry as much with t4t relationships. So while I can't relate to folks who get racially fetishized, I got serious empathy for all y'all and I'm sorry that you were made to feel dehumanized and depersonalized. Nobody deserves to feel like that, and as a White person I try to find a balance between appreciating non-white folks I find attractive, and fetishizing them. the last thing I want to do is make someone feel like an Object.

Racism comes in many forms. Yet a lot of people don't want to acknowledge it, I'm thankful that people like you are calling stuff out like this and many people from different races who experience our objectification. Nobody cares for people's culture and focus solely on racial attributes and the way we look.

My tall black brothers played varsity sports in high school. I used to hold my breath in fear whenever I saw an over-eager white girl flirt openly with them, publicly grope them and so much more. Now I understand why I felt the way I did . Thanks for providing vocabulary and a framework.

In my own history of objectification. When I was in my early 20s I met a woman who I had a big crush on at my job. I had been working there for about nine months but never said anything to her I always thought she was cute as hell 🥰 but I really had this feeling that she only dated white people. We were both black and amazingly we were both alternative, I liked punk rock she liked death metal. I would wear Misfits shirts she wore Obituary they would match our permanent scowls lol. She finally approached me one day and we hit it off. I had felt like God had sent my match who knew. First date we kiss she can’t stop talking bout how soft my lips were. We were immediately physical but not yet to …”home base”(I’m So sorry I did not have a better way to phrase that)All the attention she gave me had me on cloud 9 ❤️until I realized it was more because I was black rather than me as a person. Sex was more of the topic of our discussions rather than the bands we liked or our experiences(What I was more interested in)After our first date she just really started being excited about the sex we would have together and bringing up how BIG I was…not because I showed her or anything thing she just assumed it’s cuz I was black. Some rides in the car she would ask “will it hurt me”, “are you dominant or submissive” or state openly “It’s been a long time since I had some black dick” she sounded more like all she knew of black men was from BBC videos, and it’s not that I didn’t want to smash it’s just that I was virgin. It really got uncomfortable when at work she would bring up how she could see it through my pants, wanting to make out when nobody was looking and one instance after a date she wanted me to pull it out in a parking lot so she could just look at it(I didn’t do it but she was mad about it) With all the attention she also has a tendency to be very toxic to me. If I made plans when the time approached I’d call and get no pick ups, willing to hit me at work cuz she wants to play fight(We are in a white part of town I am not doing that shit), calling me out my name LOUDLY, If I ever Wanted to take a picture with us she would immediately decline and avoid showing her face. This shit went on about 2 months. Her birthday was approaching. She REALLY wanted to have sex on her birthday. We went to the beach, I took her home and dropped her off. The next week later she asked if I was a virgin I confessed that I was. Her response really stuck with me at first she thought I was joking while slowly gaining a look on her face like I had told her I was “Casper the friendly ghost” repeatedly asking me “are you serious?” about 20 times.(I guess I never gave off virgin energy I was “over”sex at a time) She asked why I said I just never found the right person, truth was that but what I didn’t tell her the sexual abuse I went through as a child. I personally wanted to share the moment with someone special. After my confession our relationship was never the same. She never took me seriously after that. Stopped hanging out, stopped laughing at jokes, it got to a point where I decided to stop taking her to work because we weren’t acting like friends at all. Problem was I then internalized her reaction thinking something was wrong with me still being a virgin, I ended up losing it later on that year, but not for me, not cuz I wanted too, it was for the thought that she would “like me” she would have to take me seriously after I lost it, but this unfortunately led me to hurting people that actually liked me, feeling more empty in my soul after every encounter, and I would lie about my body count out of fear of being looked at how she looked at me again. It took me a long while to get over it, to heal. To realize I shouldn’t be putting myself and women that like me in such a terrible position. I used to hate her for what she did but I knew she was dealing with her own trauma’s, from the day I met her, while I live most to all my life in the hood she had been in relationships with white people in the death metal community spent most of her time with them. No she never personally told me about any bad experiences but I know they exist in that community not all of them are friends to black people, I usually get in the thought of I wish we had gotten to know each other earlier in life, not to fall in love but to know we were not alone in our experiences… But some of that changes when I found out she was living with her white boyfriend the whole time she was toying with me. To this day I regret every sexual encounter I’ve had and I’ve decided to live a life of celibacy so I can be honest with the right one if she ever comes. Oh and my wife will be BLACK. ✌🏾

Thank you for this video! This is stirring up more of my creative juices for my dissertation and an article I’m working on to publish. I’m unpacking rock n roll and how a Black lesbian (or bisexual) woman, Sister Rosetta Tharpe is the creator of Rock n Roll but was erased due to being Black, a woman, and queer. Without her, there would be no rock. She coined the term “rock” in one of her songs and her guitar style (distortion) was re-created by her male contemporaries including Elvis. What I find interesting about her story is that her proximity to Black maleness due to her sexuality affected her being erased. This aligns with your topic in Black male sexuality and queerness, Christianity (she was also a gospel artist) and colonization. Thank you so much for your content! I am fired up all over again!!!

This vid hits home for me. The amount of women I've met who've blatantly told me they were only interested in me or are only with me because I'm black is absurd. It sucks because I'm like the complete opposite of the typical black man. Into games, anime and manga, I like to bake, etc. Don't like sports, I do work out but more for health versus anything. Introverted and quiet. Sex isn't a big thing for me either. Being blunt, Im not the black dude with the "Mandingo" that everyone expects me to have. Have been met with disappointed faces from women multiple times because I'm not rocking a porn star dick and it really does suck. Had a huge impact on my mental at the time.

It's crazy how much stigma is around black men's sexuality. People really need to start seeing black men and black people in general as PEOPLE, not sexual objects.

I wish parents raised their sons like they raise their daughters instead of encouraging them to get out there and get some at an early age. That caused a lot of stress and bullying on my brother because he was shy and felt pressured to do it early though he wasn't ready yet..he wanted a wife. The double standards causes a lot of problems believe it or not.

I’ve seen “raceplay” based servers and I was stunned and disgusted. It just sounded and felt racist asf.

Bro, you're killing it. The scholarship is impeccable, on so many levels. The degree to which you acknowledge the limitations of your point of view and your effort to balance it by both bringing in other voices and pointing the viewer towards other videos and channels is a testament to your character, your degree of self awarenes, your concern for your viewer's academic well being, and the importance you place on fairness and balance in, it seems, all things. SO we'll done. 👊

This especially hurts for Black Men or Women who are victims of sexual assault and trauma when society literally shames you for not being this Hyper-sexual being. One of my friends told me I was lame and boring for not being a “hoe” like him. He literally said I should be sleeping around because I’m a “Big Black Dude”. I’m not one to shame people for sleeping around, if you like healthy sex, explore it to your hearts desires with multiple people, but no one should feel pressure to be intimate or not because of societal pressures. It angers me that because I’m not being a thuggish fuckboy chasing ass all the time, that I’m less valuable as a Black man. What if I want more of a connection than just being used a toy to satisfy a historical and damaging fetish? Why should I be expected to be hypersexual? Thank you for making a detailed discussion on this.

The amount of men who I love in my life who have experienced sexual violence in their youth at the hands of grown women makes me genuinely cry when I think about it. As someone who experienced sexual assault in my childhood as well, it broke my heart when my dad told me that when he was in the Philippines, his own uncle had one of his grown female "salon workers" "make him a man" when he turned fourteen. Fourteen, and he still maintains that it was not a bad thing that happened. It just happened. I am in no place to tell another person how to feel about their body, their autonomy, or something as intimate as their sexual experiences/ traumas - but holy shit that's never going to be okay.

My favorite KZfaqr! I want to share this with everyone if I can. This topic is so important. I also do believe that the 80s crack epidemic pushed young Black men and boys to numb themselves due to all of the disparity around them thus creating that HipHop we grew up with, oppressing not just self but Black women as well in a desperation to regain a sense of power. Really set us back in progress just like it was intended to do. Think about Black masculinity makes me so emotional. I read We Are Real Cool by bell hooks and I highly recommend. Changed my relationship not just with my father and grandfather but all the Black men in my life. It softened me so much to see that while Black men were objectifying and sexualizing me the same was being done to them and it was all a perpetuation of pain. We all have femininity and masculinity within ourselves. That book brought to light how as a Black girl I was tomboyish out of some sense of protection of self, I saw that hardened emotional unavailable masculinity as protection, while it later in life in my late teens violated me and my peers, tore apart friendships and connections trying to uphold that objectification. Topic brings me to tears. I have so much love for us all.

Hi F.D. I'm so happy I found this video at this important moment in my life. I'm a 27 year old gay black guy. I grew up in a Christian home with first generation Sierra Leonean immigrants. I came out to my parents when I was nine, and since then I've been heavily emotionally, verbally and physically (and after I started university, financially) abused by my parents. Just to give you a sense of how bad things got - when I was 12, my mum locked me in my sisters bedroom with her, a cook's knife, a belt, wire hanger. Her intention was to castrate me because she saw no use for my penis as I wouldn't use it to procreate. I have a very sharp long-term memory and a busy mind. I am also an empath and a highly sensitive person (HSP). My dad would often tell me to stop being sensitive and, at one point, my mum asked me to spend time with my uncle so I could become less sensitive and more 'gangster' in my mannerisms. For the past fifteen years, I have been planning how to disown my parents. They have been energetically suppressing my natural, god-given talent (aka my sensitivity - I now see my sensitivity as a gift to heal others and myself, rather than a curse) since I was young, and I don't think I can become the person I am meant to be if they are involved in my life. However, this video has made me less angry at my parents and more compassionate towards them. I blame the societal objectification of black men (as well as their own toxic and abusive upbringing) for their own warped perception on what it means to be black. Regardless, my parents are quite stubborn. Despite my repeated attempts to speak to my parents about the consequences of their toxic parenting (mostly because my parents both have children under the age of 8 and I don't wish them to go through what I went through), they continue to gaslight me. Anyway, I'm an optimist, so I'm looking forward to a future without my family!

That point about being sexually harassed/assaulted by white women is spot on. It was a regular occurrence at university, and during my late teens - early twenties I minimised it with “they’re drunk”.

When we were watching TV, when an attractive black man would appear on screen, my wife used to say, "Ooh, sexy black man." Clearly there was a fantasy there which I respectfully didn't press her on (because whatever the fantasy, I wouldn't personally be able to fulfill it). It happened often enough where I would point out when there was a "sexy black man" in a show that she failed to comment on. One day she just said to me, "I'm not going to say that anymore" and I understood immediately that she recognized something I hadn't even given much thought to, that by saying "sexy black man" she was fetishizing.

This was REALLY interesting to watch. I’m a black teen who has been aware of things like this, but this vid really helped me put it into perspective and gift me new lots of knowledge. I skipped lunch just to finish it. Incredible video, thank you. I hope to get as well spoken and intelligent as you one day.

This was such an important and hard video, I really admire how you can walk the line between condemnation and empathy even when handling the toughest of subjects--that's *hard* and is incredibly emotionally draining so I hope you were able to take care of yourself during and after the making of this video. And all the interviews were phenomenal, I really appreciate all the different things each interviewee brought to the discussion, thank you to each and every person for sharing their thoughts and experiences with such emotionally fraught topics.

I have to wonder, too, how asexuality fits in with all of this. I know from my own experience that asexuality is a double-edged sword of being looked at as either a prude or in need of liberation, but I imagine that the experience of asexuality as a man-and especially as a black man-comes with its own issues of shame, feelings of incompleteness and brokenness, and dynamics of power in a relationship.

I'm glad you discussed this. The interracial dynamic with bm and ww is definitely degrading. The ww I grew up with would discuss bm and only date them to be “blacked” and to collect them like trophies. It's definitely not a compliment. Now dating a black man is just a trend to make mixed children because it's cool to do. Plus some of them are secretly racist and date bm for a ego stroke bc bm will worship ww. Definitely carries a low level undertone

This was a fantastic video, and thank you for the work you put into creating it. I can't help but feel that there's a parallel between the way that Black men are fetishized as hyper masculine and the way Asian women are fetishized as hyper feminine, and the corresponding stereotypes about "effete" Asian men and "mannish" Black women. It's like Arthur de Gobineau's ideas about gender being an innate property of race are still with us, we've just shifted which races have which genders.

Your conversations and interviews and the time and thoughtfulness you put into your work are incredible. I really, really really hope your work is shared and talked about far and wide because I think it’s such an antidote for cynical and dead dialogue.

KZfaq really isn't gonna like this one, it's def something that needs to be talked about tho

As a Mexican man living in America, I can't help but to draw parallels to the experience of black men again. Of course our experiences are widely different, but our points of marginalization often overlap. It always pains me that our communities struggle to get along at times, and that a big portion of mine doesn't understand the fact that if a white cop is willing to shot a black man with little provocation, he's likely to be willing to do the same thing to them. There is much we can learn from each other

deeply interesting and nuanced content. so glad I discovered your channel today. thank you!

I'm glad this is finally being talked about because I've tried to ask men in my family about it but they take it a a macho/alpha/compliment thing

The generational unprocessed trauma around their ( our- as a black woman) sexuality is an enormous weight around our collective necks- this is so present when you are in relationship and start doing healing work.

I'd recommend Kat Blaque's videos on race play. She's a Black woman in the BDSM scene here on youtube and she has some interesting, insightful personal experience and commentary on the matter that connects with a lot of the points made in this video

I love how open and honest everyone was, thank you for bringing this to light. Huge kudos to the vulnerability and courage it takes to actually say this out loud

Love the opening discussion about you and your friend in college. As a white, shy, late bloomer throughout University I had similar perspective towards my guy friends who I assumed were getting more luck than me. It wasn't until we discussed it in hindsight that I learned the truth. It's interesting how much you can put yourself down comparing yourself to the people around you and how much easier it is to do that instead of just looking at yourself and figuring out what you need to change to achieve what you want romantically.

I grew up never thinking myself traditionally masculine or attractive. Even after I got put on game and adopted the appropriate cultural signifiers of Black masculinity I didn't feel like "that nigga". An odd thing kept happening after middle school, especially in high school and college. There was this assumption that I knew more about sex and was doing it and A LOT. This attitude was especially prevalent amongst my white peers. There was also assumed promiscuity on my end by girls/women. One girl in high school was convinced I was a whole hoe with a kid with a girl at another school. I assured her that seeing as I was a virgin that was highly unlikely and that I'd never even met this chick she was talking about. Even my own mother assumed I was just out here clapping cheeks left and right. Smh. Man, I was a church boy. But because I looked a certain way, was a certain age, etc. even those in my own community couldn't see ME beyond their paradigms. It's funny to look back on now, because if I was getting it like they swore I was I'd have had no time for dinner and sleep. A college girlfriend who I was super serious about and courting hard didn't really give me much energy until she asked about my body count and was shocked that it was less than double digits by my JR year of college. She said she felt a little intimidated at first because of my reputation around campus and some assumptions she had just made about me. Black men rarely get to own our own sexuality in a meaningful way. We are either assessed as a threat or tool for others' pleasure/consumption. I wanna give you props for using your platform to further the discussion on this vital topic. A brother I know once stated we need to "divest of our BBCs" to evolve as Black men and discover then redefine ourselves and your video is definitely making me revisit that conversation.

Recently dated a guy who was genuinely shocked I wanted to hang out with him for him and not $ex. I had reassured him that I like just sitting next to him watching him play video games. It was upsetting knowing that he also has felt so objectified to where he didn’t think someone could like him. I drove from one city to another to just sit down with him. I don’t deserve a medal for the bare minimum, and I hope this anecdote doesn’t come off wrong.

As a black gay male this is nothing but true i find it very wierd even in adult films gay or straight they do this and even in real life i have had white olx men objectify me wich felt very wierd and creepy …. The first question they ask is oh how big are you.

Thank you for bringing this topic to a broader audience. This is my first video I have seen of yours and I liked and followed not even halfway through the video. As a black woman, I know this exists and is a real issue. It’s seldom to find men, especially black men willing to have this discussion so openly. I have a black son who will be growing up in a world that is maturing with him. I want him to have full autonomy of his body, feelings and emotions.

Just got to your point about white women invading personal space in the club. The last time that happened to me I was out for my cousin's birthday. I was on the dance floor with two of our homegirls and as I was walking off these two coeds rolled up and started grinding and groping me. Some brothers I didn't know started hooting, hollering and cheering. I just froze though. I was in a relationship and wasn't feeling the situation. I mean AT ALL! But I very much knew that how I reacted in that moment could be the difference between me being seen as a threat by the crowd of onlookers or security. Luckily my homegirls saw and quickly got them out of the paint and talked to me about it because they saw on my face how the shit made me feel. I hadn't really processed that moment until watching this video.

wow this video brought me to tears, as a black man, victim of sexual assault, and the often fetishizing of my body at my PWI the depths of this video are something to truly behold. I became a fan after your video on The Boondocks & White Suburbia and you’ve yet to miss for me yet. Great job once again.

I lost my virginity at 16 and I'm just recently have talked to someone about it and I'm trying to come to terms with it being a problem, I've always convinced myself that it couldn't have been bad if it was something I was actively seeking but in restrospect not being happy with the way things went I guess is evidence enough that it wasn't a positive experience

This was really insightful, thank you. The comments under this video also add that additional perspective.

Glad you made it through KZfaq filters. Extremely important topic. I wrote my thesis on black men in p0rn0. I chose the topic based on my own creepy DMs. When some people only experience black people through sexualized media, they assume that's who we are and interacting with us that way is normal. (why it's dangerous to _only_ engage with any group through p0rn0)

I am a black person who unfortunately growing up had to spend time in a lot of white spaces and the amount of times I've had to explain to people that no, black men do not always want sex is so horrifying.

i’ve gotta say, this is the first time i’ve watched a content creator where i’ve watched one video and subscribed mid video. A lot of the information here I wish I had been told when i was younger.

Very happy to see Paul Robeson spoken on here. A huge inspiration to my life personally. A really great book that isn’t necessarily on this particular topic, but really worth study is Harry Haywood’s Auto-biography. His book dives deeply into the material conditions of black Americans throughout the 1910s to the 1960s and aims to sort of structure, arrange or otherwise marshal a story of mister Haywood’s participation in the larger labor movement, socialist movement, its splintering, its successes, failures and him and Paul Robeson visiting the USSR and his time Studying in the Soviet Union. I know this comment is off topic, but Everytime I hear paul Robesons name and consider what was done to him and many others, I always think of that Harry Haywood Autobiography! Thank you for all your work here and on your other projects! Some of my favorite on KZfaq rn!

When I was getting started in college, I knew this White girl who claimed to have a thing for Black men. The weird thing was, she was always rather racist in how she addressed Black people. For example, she habitually referred to this middle-aged Black male tutor we both knew as "Jay-Z", she once said that San Francisco "had a lot of chocolates", and even screamed "THEM!" at a African-American family while we were visiting an amusement park. I always had a hard time understanding how someone could be so disrespectful to a group of people whose men she claimed to be physically attracted towards. The weird thing is, though, I've also seen plenty of Black dudes endorsing the BBC stereotype. For example, one time I drew a picture of Michelangelo's David as an African man, mainly because I wanted to see how a classic Renaissance European sculpture would look like with a Black face. A Black male friend of mine complained that my portrayal's dick wasn't big enough. Considering how pro-Black he generally is, I would think he'd be aware of the stereotype's racist history.

I never really considered fetishized being a real thing until it happened to me. I live in a predominantly white country, one with a lot fewer black folks than USA. However the influence of increased accessibility of pornography via the internet has seen interracial fantasies became quite common and a lot more mainstream these days. That became quite apparent after I hooked up with a friends sister. Now this particular friend is an outspoken white feminist who is against all forms of bigotry, so it was kinda strange to overhear her talking to someone else about the discussions she had with her sister about that hookup. Hearing her build up to whether or not I lived up to “what they say about the bruthas” being true was a little bit stressful in a way. Time kinda seemed to freeze as I awaited to hear if I measured up to the fantasy. It was a huge relief to hear that I didn’t let down that fantasy and was able to keep it going in the minds of a group of horny white women. But afterwards something about that experience left me feeling like I was seen less as a person and more as a prop in material for someone else’s spank bank. And then like a year later I learned from that same friend that her sister was not against the idea of carrying a child with my DNA. And she didn’t mean it in a way that was like both people deciding to become parents because they’re ready to become a family situation. I mean more a way where she said to her sister “you know I’d really like to have a black baby” with me being a seemingly convenient sperm donor/ promising child support target. Knowing that put into context why she didn’t insist on protection and was happy to get it raw. Lucky for me I was saved by my haki. If it weren’t for that I’d be have been bled dry by child support many times over. Before that whole experience I did occasionally joke about BBC with my friends but did so with the mindset of referencing a particular stereotype seen in porn and how ridiculous it is. But once I realized that whenever I did they weren’t thinking the same thing as me, they assumed I was making references to myself. As such I scaled that back a lot. If nothing else I don’t wanna put that much pressure on my back. I don’t want friends and potential partners expecting me to be Mandingo. I’d rather they have reasonable expectations and are either satisfied or pleasantly surprised. Oh yeah and gangsta rap really set things back for us. The modern expectation of black guys to all be hyper masculine, aggressive thugs owes a lot to the braggadocio and machismo that gangsta rap popularized in the nineties. Something that interracial porn capitalized on and burned into people’s consciousness.

FD, this hit so hard home. I’m watching for a a few weeks sparatically, and a few days now, adamantly. I must say, I am grateful for you as a human! Your video on black boys are not safe, just did so much more for me, than 3 therapists have ever done. I lacked a lot of community growing up and attended PWI’s growing up. The amount of unpacking that needs to be done in terms of black men’s sexuality is enormous, but this is a great analysis and catalyst for the overdue discussions we’ve needed! During covid sera, I went into a job interview and to my surprise, when I went to speak to the manager by the office desks, they actually had a printed picture of Black Woody on a computer monitor, as an ongoing office “prank”. I swear, if you weren’t there, it’d be hard to believe, but since this was a pro dominantly white male office, it’s not so hard to believe. There’s been a huge void for me, emotionally, due to my experience growing up In This American culture, as a black boy, turned black man. I just want to say thanks for giving us a place to escape from the bullshit world that doesn’t understand us, even if it for a few minutes/hour. I appreciate ya fully! Thank you!

As a straight white man, this is such an interesting/strange topic to me. Never watched you before, but youtube recommended it to me. Ive never thought about any of these things and im glad to have learned about such a touchy topic from you.

It's crazy that I had a conversation like this with a few other black man at the Afters (slang for house party after the club closes) of a guys house. We all had these weird stories that were high-key sexual assault but none of us wanted to frame it that way but when we did. The room got so heavy. Another banger , thanks for helping a sad black boi across the pond cope. Also for anyone interested in books on sexuality. I highly recommend. The history of sexuality vol. 1 by Michel Foucault The Delectable Negro by Vincent Goodard (Black, queer academic that studied homoeroticism, cannibalism and white obsessions with the black body) The Double Flame by Octavia Paz ( a book on the mythos of love, sexuality, eroticism, sex, companionship, connection and autonomy) Women, Race and Class' by Angela Davis (sections of how sexual violence and capitalism operate hand in hand is eye-opening)

Never seen your videos before, but this one was necessary. I know of MANY black boys that were molested, but they see this as their first time being with a woman. I believe this leads to a lot of promiscuity among black men. Great topic

When D described his upbringing as the only child, I paused the video because I was taken aback by how much I related. I also grew up as the quiet kid not getting girls but then the quiet personality starts becoming attractive as you grow older. That’s crazy

Love how real this channel is. You have mastered the balance between education/personality/humor

I love how passionate the guests get, its so rare we talk about masculinity that you can tell they have been saving that shit up

Honestly, this is one of those things people don't even acknowledge but that we feel. Black and queer, here... And essentially, despite my prefer roles in sexuality, I have pretty much been forced into being the dominant as every pale gay dude looks at me and immediately thinks that I'm something I'm not. Heck, I had a 'friend' in 8th-10th grade who would KISS ME ON THE LIPS out of nowhere without my permission.... and this white girl would say "oh it's okay you're my gay black boyfriend." Shit hurts my feelings to this day and is why I generally avoid most white women.

Eye-opening and ultra necessary information on so many fronts. Great job :)

Cannot stress how glad I am I found your channel.

You know most of the videos I watch don’t truly find a way into my heart to almost bring me to legitimate tears. Actually most of this video didn’t affect me in that way, but once you got to the part where you talked about Broke men trying to show their worth through sex really hit me. After my daughters mom asked to separate for the second time (the first being my choice due to her infidelity) I didn’t have much I found out she was seeing someone else right after and lying to me and this person didn’t work or do the things I did for her and my daughter. I felt I was worse than that what worth did I have or brought to the table. I ended up in various sexual situations with women I had no intention on being with for 3 years all because I felt I had no worth but sex. This is something I’ve been dealing with since 2016 and I still have major apprehensions with relationships. I’m not sure if you will read this FD but to anyone that does I hope it helps and thanks for the great video.

I’m a black man with an average D. Imagine not living up to the stereotypes. I learned of our fetishization early in my sexual life, because of the disappointment I’d see in a white girl’s face (when younger only white girls noticed me because I read books and played sports) when she saw I wasn’t huge. Never dealt with white women again after this realization. I’ve had difficulty with black women because they’re used to the stereotype. Maturity level is linked to how much this matters but sadly a lot of women, or at least the ones I’m meeting, aren’t mature.

Thank you once again for another fantastic, informative and nuanced video. Really great stuff. As someone growing up white in one of the whitest countries on Earth, but one with a highly americanized culture, your perspectives on race are incredibly valuable and interesting to me, both as a way of learning about American culture more in depth as well as a way of gaining perspective on more local issues of race and ethnicity (which are quite different, but still overlap meaningfully). As always, your nuance and ability to cover both theoretical perspectives and lived reality and make them speak to each other is second to none. One area where we'll likely never agree is your views on prostitution - I simply do not believe it is possible to reach a level of societal well-being where prostitution will not inevitably lead to trafficking and suffering on a massive scale, not to mention the violence and abuse suffered by the vast majority of people in prostitution even in places where it is fully legal. However, once again I appreciate your ability to approach this in a nuanced and multifaceted way, which in my experience is more than most people sharing your overall conclusions. Your approach consistently makes it possible to deliberate multiple perspectives and even agree to disagree in constructive ways. That is a fantastic quality.

Very nuanced and powerful breakdown, thank you for your educational content.

man, I lost my dad when I was 4. You might neva see this but just know the time you take to teach these lessons is important. Im 18 and struggling so seeing that I'm not going nowhere is helpful. I hope you can keep producing this, this is changing the world!

This is why I was just as protective over my sons as I was my daughter! Because of things that happened to me as I child it created a helicopter mom. They are all grown up now but I will still protect them all.

I was just thinking about this yesterday. As a white kid from small town USA, I always found it odd that the same kids who were probably racist were big rap fans. But I think you opened it up to me; they don’t like black men, they like the idea of them. Like Cole said, white kids wanna be black. I’ve always felt a weird guilt for enjoying hip hop and the culture despite spending most of my childhood in a well off white family. It wasn’t until my dad left and my mom was forced to try to finish raising us on a minimum wage job that I slowly stopped listening to rap. Everybody has a weird attraction to the struggle. And when you don’t have any struggle as a young white kid with money, you want to try and relate to hip hop, even if you don’t. It’s a strange thing. And I can see why black culture might not take very kindly to that; because I’ve tried to always be respectful and just be a viewer, but there are a lot of white kids where I’m from that are a vulture. Plain and simple. They’d listen to the music, but whenever a black kid would move into town they’d fee threatened by him and talk shit behind his back. Idk. I just try to learn about this as a quiet observer. Great video and great channel