Yeah. We all have that one friend who meets their partners through clubbing and what not then wonder why hardly any of them are loyal

this is what denji from chainsaw man realized lol

u could have just used .

​@@noname-te2gxher

i dont understnd if youre in love you can have lust for them too right? i mean its natural? id say those who make lust love are gonna fail

Yeah he wasn't entertaining Joey's cracks at the subject matter. I was impressed by that, but Joey? Not so much... :/ And I like Joey. Maybe he was uncomfortable? idk

weird how this topic is starting to seep outwards into podcasts now, hate how the dating game has been but holy, its making bigger waves than i thought it would

Very true! I literally rolled my eyes at some of the responses of Joey and sometimes Grant, too. They're both in relationships, why do they partly talk about the topic like a bunch of 12 year olds? They're better than that.

​@@theshanamaster It's because it's bigger and more important than people like to admit. Hell, relationships are at the core of society.

​@@7shinta7 Oh, no, no, no, no. Only good people get in relationships. You got them wrong 😂

Yup. Tons of women are single and very happy

Exactly. Solo and never really felt lonely about it.

The only intelligent thought in this comment section.

Mh nah

Yeah i just want some one who makes my home worth coming home to, but what iv experienced are girls i want to run away from. Girls i would be embarrassed to walk down the street with… I talk a lot about us being products of our environment, and our environment is producing these monsters who worship money and appearances and their labels, over character, over anything meaningful, over health… And i say your are the result of your habits, what you do defines the results you get, so have some good habbits and you’ll get better results in life, a lot of the lost cause kinds of people,,,, dont want to hear it, yet they know what they are doing is ruining their lives.

Not if you're a man in general 😂

Respectfully no, most of us want that intimacy that comes from being more than friends

​@aim-for-greatn3z947 yeah, I feel like this sentiment is more relevant for women since sex and romantic love is relatively easy for them to come by, while friendship and community might be harder. Men have to work much, much more to get sex and love, so I think that men are genuinely interested in that when they are dating.

@jaumartinez9006 banks : business booming

@jaumartinez9006so you define friends as atms? I’d hate to be your friend if all you wanted was my money.

​@jaumartinez9006duh heck dude? Lol. Cmon bruh, when it comes to bills especially nowadays. Everything should be split at least right down the middle.

⁠@@ownlydown5933 i aint splitting the bills with someone 😂 whats next splitting my rent, utility and car bills 🤦‍♂️

Yes. I feel like this is lacking from online dating which is why it feels so soul crushing to use. When I make connections offline I feel so fulfilled and lucky and human, which is never an emotion I've had from online dating.

You are right about the pressure and that someone should do it when they are ready, but don't allow that thought to be an excuse to put off a good opportunity for you. I remember when I (omg I'm sounding old now lol) was your age I was going through thr same thing as you and you are totally correct but don't be Inert about something you want, if you feel like a relationship is something you need one day then work towards it. Sorry if this unsolicited advice was presumptuous but I remember being so stressed out about that stuff 😅

I eventually succumbed to the pressure and lost my virginity at 22. I regret it completely cuz I didn’t even like the girl. Anyway, I’m pretty content with being alone now. Saving money, working out, pursuing my goals, etc. I want a wife and kids some day, but that probably won’t happen for at least another 10 years.

​@@serafausit's something I'm personally looking for, agree.

Society ☕️

Yep, I’m the same and 23. I feel fine with my own company and don’t feel the need for anything more right now. Everyone should just go at their own pace and do what feels right❤

Naw a good relationship is what you see in anime

yeah for real, my first relationship I was just fish out of water, after having a few I started understanding what a good relationship looks like

You don't need to download anything, it's alright.

Honestly just join clubs or volunteering. Anything that will get you to meet the other gender.

@@seiwarriorsnot clubs that’s the worst advice. You are setting him for future headache

​@@EOMMunaware And Datingapps arent? Their design will crush your sense of self-worth to a bloody pulp. The idea of clubs is that you get to know more people who have stuff in common with you and see who might be interesting, not asking anything with two legs if they wanna spread em lol

I recommend you get some hobbies, join a sports team, take classes. Try to learn to interact with people with no goal in mind until almost all interaction feels second nature. Practice playful flirting, get used to hearing no , don’t let it deter you. Rinse,repeat. Meet people in places where you both have a mutual interest or ask them what theirs are so you can see if y’all are compatible. Worst case nothing changes and you’ll be fine regardless and best case you find someone you enjoy being around romantic or not.

Yeah, let’s make our gender roles worse by manifesting them in that way and pointing things out that HAVE to do with the gender. Men bitch around as well, a lot. It’s not about gender, it’s about your integrity.

Too bad women can never be that way even if they tried

kinda sad that people give up so easily and just blame the "dating scene"

@@markaleksanian3628 I hadn't gave up. Just accepting the worst scenario, thats all

@@markaleksanian3628 Not giving up means wasting money on "dates" that don't amount to anything that's like you putting a down payment on a car but you don't get the fucking car.

Self love might sound like a good thing, but humans are social creatures. I'm in a similar boat, and it took me until last year to realize that I hate accepting my single status, and I hate focusing on myself. I've been doing that all my life, I just want something different at this point.

24 is still extremely young. You'll be fine.

35 too, and i can say just stacking cash after awhile became meh, i want a home worth coming home to, and people in that home i can enjoy seeing and spending time with… If i have to ill get a lads home, we’ll build our own mini gym, id love a decent sized kitchen and a game/theatre room, because honestly a home of bro’s sounds like the closest ill get to a family at this point. Thats the only way forward i see to dealing with our problem today.

Turning 35. Same. All logical sense points to not get married and have children. Financially it doesn't make sense. It will only be hard work for very little recompense, also all the unknown factors that come from getting two lives together. My heart can't take it.

Heyyyy. That's exactly me! Only I'm 33. And I think the dating landscape is hard, but I'm not engaging in it anyway, so I don't really feel like I have a right to complain. I'm just one fap away to feeling "content" at this point.

Turning 32 in 2 months and the same lol I still think its 2012 and I'm 21 again 😂 I just want to have a person to talk to, not gamify people by looks via Tinder 😅 My entire friend group, me included, needs a heckin optimistic person to lift us out of our own head xD

I'm 34 and relate. I was so focused on school and building my career, and my Asian mom, who now says I'm close to my expiration date and worries that I'll be alone when she dies, was always pushing me to put my career first. The pandemic really fucked things up as well because I haven't dated since 2019. I've got a house, a car, and an amazing job...but no one to share it with. An empty life.

For men. For women dating is getting free meals, and marriage is like winning the lottery.

@@Archmage9885 lol true

Yup lol, and you dont even know if the job is good lol

@@revivedsoul1099 yeah bj

@@Archmage9885 You are describing toxic relationships. Besides, domestic abuse especially for women is still a problem nowadays. Need for marriage changes. Our view should change as well. But it doesn’t. That’s the problem. Then it becomes really negative for both parties. The problem is more about honesty and integrity. If you don’t want to give free meals, then don’t. You don’t have to go out for dinner and pay. You don’t have to go to dinner at all. Just go for a walk and talk. Cheap and more private. You have so many possibilities and options to get to know someone, it doesn’t have to be the normal way. I never went out on a dinner with my partner before we were seriously dating and then we went Dutch or the other one paid for something else.

As a sorcerer I would like to know what magick you used to accomplish that lol. You’re like the 0.01% of dudes that had that happen. Congrats you might be struck by lightning next haha. -Edit as of July 14th 2023: Yes I’m an actual sorcerer (in training), I’m a also a demonolator. My main expertise is dark magick but I also am learning protective magick.

The vast, vast, vast majority of men can't just go on bumble, have a woman message them and find a good wife that way. You're probably handsome, or charismatic, or were just incredibly lucky. Good for you, I guess, but to most men I would advise staying far away from dating apps. They will just crush your confidence if you don't have good looks.

@@lightworker2956 In my experience online dating is terrible. A lot of women go on those to fish for social media followers and/or to get validation. I've been deceived, ghosted, and LIED to about ghosting (she said she would never do it and agreed its a thing only cowards do). And by deceived I mean a woman who's extremely into me and discloses things you would only share with a close friend, sometimes the conversation was strongly sexual on her end. Then you feel on top of the world because you THINK you found, finally, a woman with good ethics and is mentally and sexually compatible with you and is just as into you as you are to her, but nope. Next comes some bs story about how she cant continue or some fake sob story about how she doesn’t deserve me. I’ve sent women creative messages that made me stand out, even more so if they had everything in common with me. But nope, people don’t like to have notifications turned on, are too picky, don’t take things seriously (even though they say they’re looking for a serious relationship), I can go on and on but in short: the dating pool is a$$, it’s even worse online. That guy above, allegedly, struck the lottery with a woman who has respect and was truly looking for someone and more than willing to put the work in. And day 1 of being on a dating app no less. Either he’s literally the gigachad OR he spent a lot on premium, or both. That is, if this DID happen. I have never done anything wrong to these people it’s just that people in general suck and don’t have good ethics and don’t care about how they treat others. Oh one more story: I met a transwoman who was an absolute knockout, thicc, and seemed to be mentally emotionally mature, but all of that went out the window when she demanded we go on a date during the peak of COVID and instead of accepting the fact I couldn’t and saying my idea of a virtual date was, iirc, something that high schoolers do, she chose to be illogical and immature. I then gave her a lecture about her attitude. Relationships, especially committed relationships that end up in marriage, REQUIRE sacrifice and compromise, it can’t and won’t be all about you, and I honestly think that notion doesn’t sit well with a lot of people which is why people want to date casually, they want all the fun and excitement and romantic feelings of a relationship, but not the hard work, compromise, and much more that comes with it.

@@adandyguyinspace5783The amount of times I’ve matched with a girl, only for her to send me a link for her OnlyFans is INSANE. One time, a girl pitched her “rent-a-girlfriend” service to me, so basically guys would pay her to show up to dates, then pay for the date itself, and she would pretend to be his gf until the date is over. It was such a pathetically sad concept, but that’s where modern dating is rn. Dating apps are a joke now. Tons of egomaniacs on there.

​@@adandyguyinspace5783I think you're 20-smth, right? You can't just demand ppl to be serious with you from the get-go, they first have to find out who you are before you can even talk about being serious with one another. I think people dislike how intense you are with your relationship. Many people might be ghosting you bc they saw red flags in the text messages and just noped out. I mean, you said that ghosting was "what cowards would do", personally, if I saw anybody say that that would be a red flag to me. "who knows what that guy might think of if I do this or that" that is how I would think of it. It puts unnecessary tension in a relationship. In general, ppl don't really like a judgemental person. And you know, throwing shade on smb that you just met isn't a good look either, so if you do that regularly you might want to change that to have more success in a relationship.

Quality friendships > partner

Just started university and have realized how hard it is to make real friends. Pretty easy to socialize and meet people, but cultivating relationships is hard.

During my uni days the best way I found to make friends was to join clubs that you like and meet people with the same interest as you. For example at my uni there was a club called the geek club where we would meet up and play board games, video games, card games, magic the gather, mostly anything to do with geeks. I meet a lot of people and made friends with people who were also interest in the things I was.

there were so many times when I really get on well with a girl I met online, we chat the whole night, then 2 days later she ghosts me. it happened so many times, it kind of breaks you

What's worse is you never see it coming, and it is always out of nowhere either. Snice, it seems like everything is fine, and then blam nothing

@m780dff thanks I appreciate the advice. I forgot to mention that I'd did meet through the app, but I also did meet both of them in person. Like I did have physical dates with both of them. The 1st is definitely for the best cause he was way too horny for his own good. What sucked with him was the fact we planned another date out, talked it out, and everything and two days before it. He just stopped completely talking to me. And as for the other guy, everything seemed like it was going alright. we had a few dates, and everything was fine. Then I was messaging him to see how he was doing, but they were never read. He didn't think much snice he might be busy with work, but it went on for weeks. And how he found out he truly ghosted was that he unfriended me on Facebook. Everyone says you should go out and meet, but that can be a slippy slope in itself. Also, I work so much by the time off. I literally dont want to do anything. It sucks man

Yeah don't waste time on chatting with women online. Those rarely work out and you'll rarely have an actual connection.

@cassu6 I'm a girl actually, but the same message applies so thanks

Those places exist it's just that cold approaches have been socially stigmatized for the last 20 years

"The first rule of fight club is to never talk about fight club" ;)

Those are usually clubs as far as I know, but they’ve never been my vibe lmao.

Honestly now that i am out of Uni, where the heck did all the people in my age group disappear to ? I don't find them anywhere !

@@akiraraiku Stuck at work

Trash Taste is great, but better than dating podscast based of a small vid lol. I think you just been around bad podcasts bro. There is good ones, who teach you how to properly date and get a good stable relationship. Dating world be lame tho tbh, but there is ways to make it easier for a person.

They are not better than dating podcasts / red pill aware ones respectfully, it not their niche

​@@arialassaulttrooperif you are looking for dating advice on red pill aware shit, you're getting taken for a ride.

@@gleipnirrr no my friend, i just acknowledge the uncomfortable truths about dating / life now and adapt

Yeah lol sure thing buddy

I mean it is rare to see asian guy(especially SEA asian) with a white girl.

It’s because those communities are just filled with insecure, bitter incels. Of course they would say that

Garnt is an attractive guy (even minus all the other qualities) so i think these people just have insanely skewed views of attractiveness. Also maybe a sprinkle of racism in there

i think “least attractive” men in the west are from southeast asia, east asia, and india we get fucked in the dating world, and not in a good way

@@deusex9731 I can't say that I agree with him being attractive. He's pretty average. Still seemingly a great dude.

not trying to be rude, never dated anyone in my life but what took you so long to put a ring on someone you dated for 7 years? Especially during your mid twenties, which in my opinion is the prime time to start looking for a life long partner.

You don’t have to work for anyone but yourself and if you are lucky, you will find someone who will like that. A partner is a part of your life, not your life. It’s nice, that you can find love in yourself and not chasing relationships to fill that void.

@@snoopertrooper4468 Mostly financial situation, especially during and after Covid. We broke in 2022 almost right after Covid. Getting married itself is already expensive as hell, let alone getting a place and living together. Both of us wanted to be financially stable first before getting married, and as embarrassing as it is to say, it was hard enough to take care of my own self. The reason or reasons were more vast and complicated than that, but needless to say I blame my own self most for the breakup.

@@kineko7823 Yep, that's just what I'm trying to do now. Not even trying to date someone new for now. Want to get into a place where I'm actually happy being single and if or when that happens, maybe I'll try to meet someone new, but for now, it's work for myself and live for myself.

@@iconoclast6555 That’s a healthy approach! Takes a lot to admit that and stick to it.

You’re not doing it right. When I date, I make sure to not think at all and just say yes and no at random intervals.

You need a passport and go to a more traditional country

​@@beaswork8520true dat

Honestly, same, I'm a guy turning 22, and I actually wanted some to play games and watch anime as a date, wished I'd find someone ever in life like that, I won't probably find ever, cus from where I come from anime is cringe and being a wee just disgusts everyone. Yep I'm a closet weeb and Internet is my only world.

I'm a guy and I just turned 26. While I've never been in a relationship, I've recently learned that the kind of connection I should be looking for is one, where your life views overlap and you share similar perspectives. You can have the same hobbies or find them attractive all you want, but if they're a shitty person, who doesn't respect your values, this will only make you unhappy in the longterm. So I decided that for me, it's probably best to get to know someone, who shares my values, but might have completely different hobbies. I've heard from many people that they didn't share any hobbies with their partner and eventually got to know and love their partners hobbies. Also I agree with you that focussing on yourself is best. You don't need others to be happy and that's the best way to show yourself love.

@@ExeTheEnhanced Agreed. My four things in a relationship is this: Boundaries, communication, trust, and values. I can compromise on certain values if they are reasonable, and familiar with mine, but not the other three. Otherwise I won't be happy and they won't be happy either. And one thing I learned is that it's okay to break things off if you're not happy. You're not a monster for doing so and don't get guilt-tripped back into a relationship because you don't want to be "the bad guy". Funny enough, the 3 year guy was someone where we had little in common but shared similar values. However, I think I was pretty lucky to get a guy like him. He didn't view me as "one of the boys", or didn't think my tomboyish attributes was "unbecoming for a woman" for once. On top of just so happening to have those values. Those are my biggest hurdles to get over when I was looking around. That and I can not tell for the life of me if a guy is being dense as a rock, or does have an interest in me.

@@amajorfenerd do it come with egg wah tho

@@FushigiLord yeh it come with dah egg wah

And the fact that narcissism is becoming more rampant nowadays, why risk being with someone who at best, treats you like a prop and a piggy bank, and at worst actively ruin your life and ultimately toss you aside like 2 week old leftovers when they got what they wanted.

im wondering how do people at your age ask people out it is like at a work place where you ask out someone you're already good friends with or do you try via dating apps as a 20 year old im curious on how the dating landscape changes as you age as someone who Loves a good Connection just dating for the sake of 'trying out' is pretty alien to me so im curious on how you choose and find your partners

@@dragon-kun199Tbh man you just be yourself. And keep eye contact. If there’s an attraction you will both feel it and you gotta make a decision.

@@dragon-kun199 This is just my limited personal experience which is maybe not the best thing to rely on but I'll explain. The 2 people that I did date, I worked with them. You hear it a million times but I will add to that as well. Do NOT date people you work with. Especially the kind of workplace that I was at, where our pool of employees was about 15 people total. When you are in that "honeymoon" phase it is very nice, but when something inevitably goes wrong, and it will. You do not want to be around that person at work. After my 2nd attempt, I did briefly try to go on a dating app. I matched/talked with a few people, and I started talking to one person outside of the app, although we never met in person. Although I don't really like this dating app culture we are currently in, I think I will try that again when I do try. Part of the reason I want "try it out" again really has to do with my age. I think I would like to start a family before I get too old. And to answer the last bit, my first partner actually asked me if I wanted to grab some food after work, and that led to a relationship. My 2nd partner, we worked late nights together all the time for a few months, and at one point we were having a conversation after work and I straight up told her that I liked her, and things played out from there. That was roughly 3 months after we met, so plenty of time to build a connection there. The common things shared between my partners were that our personalities played off of each other really well, also shared a similar sense of humor. I ended up falling in love with my 2nd partner and was crushed when it ended. It's a long story but work played a huge part in ruining it. I spent a good majority of my teens/early 20s thinking I was a loser, and not good enough for anyone. There are people out there that like you, and find you attractive. I know it's cliché, but you gotta just take a chance, you really don't know until you try. Even though my relationships did not work out, they taught me a lot about the dating landscape, and more importantly, about myself. A lot of personal growth was accomplished.

Internet dating used to be a lot easier. Nowadays it only works for men with good looks, or some other positive trait that is immediately visible (proof of a lot of money or similar). I wouldn't advise the average man to use internet dating in 2023.

Did you marry her?

@@Meimoons yup

​@@Meimoonswhat does it Matter

​@@m780dffHumans adapt through expierence. Imagine this, your a guy so you play that role. You go on 15 dates with 5 different girls. Sometimes theres more than one date, but certain things are true for all of those dates. You made time for them, you planned the date, you covered the tab. And none of them worked out. You consider yourself a decent human your not being a prick, just being yourself. If you dont have an iron will eventually youll start to examine yourself and look for solutions. After you've finished your gym regime and it still fails. You look at others and you begin to see certain things in common. No the traits arent mystical, however they are obvious.

cope, not chad

I don't necessarily agree that it is a chore, but I understand why it can feel that way. I personally like having someone to care about and put my attention into, but the problem is having people who take advantage of that, knownly or not. It is a lack of reciprocation as people today try to get the most from their relationships while giving the least. As for unrealistic expectations, yeah, but what can we expect. In the past everyone was FORCED to be in relationships to survive and have a decent life. Now people get so used to trying to find meaning and such on their own that trying to find, and then accept someone else into their life would seem like too much trouble if they aren't bringing in a lot.

@@lifeline_ I think the lack of reciprocation hits the nail on the head. A lot of people go into relationships these days with one sided goals and don't take their partners feelings into consideration except in the most superficial of ways. That and I feel so many people lack self awareness or a true understanding of themselves that having to understand and make compromises for a completely different person just seems like an impossible task.

That's exactly why I don't like dating apps. I don't want to date strangers until I find someone who doesn't suck, I want to really like someone and then date them.

same here. Once you're a working professional, its 1000% harder to find a partner

Did you also realize that "love-bombing" is not a real thing and it's just a fake phrase made up by people who don't know how to accept love?

You're only 20 my guy, focus on your life goals. Everything else will come in due time.

Yo at least try my man. I mean the more you do it the more you’ll get used to it. I’ve gone on a few dates here and there, and they have been sorta successful but I realize where my anxiety and overthinking is holding me back. Obv it is a game of looks. Personality is obv there but it’s the looks first. So just try to maximize that to the best u can. Depends on what your goal is anyways. I def do want to find someone I can start a family with. But the toxic masculinity idea def fucks with people.

@@dencentbeatz794 my goal ? I have no goal. Be it in dating or just life in general. All I want is to not be too depeessed, and for now I've been doing for my whole life, and without needing to date. The only time I vaguely tried was extremely stressful and almost made me loose a very close friend. It really seems to just clash with what I "want"

Ask yourself if you want to be with a woman for a lifetime because if you do nothing then you will get nothing.

It can happen naturally, even online. What happens afterwards is the frustrating part. Sometimes the other person is very into you but it gets too much of a responsibility. Or there are some unresolved issues and you're stressed out of something and the other person just dips because of that. Maybe something works out in the beginning but start getting too much of a hassle and it doesn't work out because of that. Then there are these unrealistic standards where someone has to over-compete the other person in order for the relationship to work somewhere. It's crazy right now but that's just what I've seen and read.

@@iBankai1995 it’s fucking crazy man I’ve been recommended to go to target and bookstores for woman but at this point when it happens it happens I’m not gonna rush it

Ong, I absolutely hate that “once you stop trying you’ll find it”/“focus on yourself” narrative for so many reasons, especially when you see people who are like “oh I’m so content by myself, I’ve decided to just do the things I enjoy and if something happens, it happens” and it sounds so unproblematic when you believe that, but they’re always the people who have never had a partner and they don’t sound genuinely happy with it _at all._

Here’s the thing. You can absolutely be in a state of mind where you are fully content and comfortable with who you are and finding a partner simply isn’t on your priority list at all. __But__ if you are also giving your opinion on it from a place of being absolutely blind, it’s more like you’re just coping with being alone by pretending that it’s better, especially if you’re the type to add something like “I just think having friendships is much better/I don’t mind being friendzoned because even if she rejects me at least I’ve made a friend!” No you haven’t. Some people just don’t work out as partners and are much better off being only friends, but a partner __should_ _be your friend first and foremost, so if you are content with being let down when asking someone out and still want to interact with them afterwards, you never had that kind of interest for them in the first place. If you were already friends, it’s likely that you’ll stay friends and be fine, but if you weren’t, still having that attraction and interacting with them as if you don’t is just unhealthy for you. I am not content with being lonely and I do not want to be. My only other goals in life are to be a writer and guess what? __I ended up writing romance.__ Some people are just here for emotional connection, not “success” as a family of doctors or politicians or scientists would call it. Why would I “focus on myself” when there’s nothing there to focus on? It’s not like I’m absolutely desperate to the point I don’t think of anything but dating, I just don’t have anything else in life that I truly _want._ So why would I just give up on the one thing that I __do?__ Seems like a waste of my time to just keep trudging along, being “”content”” without chasing any real goals. The story I’m making is coming along quite nicely, I don’t have to worry about that as if I’m on a deadline to become the author that I want to be, the rest of my life isn’t really that important to me, hell I’d say I __am__ happy by myself, at least when I’m not pulling all-nighters just because my body won’t let me sleep. However. I am not happy being aimless. Stagnant. I can’t imagine being “content” without a companion, without romance, for five more years just because “if it happens, it happens”. I stay indoors most of the time, I don’t have hobbies that take me out and let me meet people, I __won’t__ find someone just vibing with my shallow self-entertainment within the next year, and I don’t want to pretend I’m truly happy that way. Being ok with being single and, being ok with being lonely, and being ok with being single __and__ lonely are three very different things. You can accept that you don’t need somebody else, but telling everyone just how much you don’t need somebody else is signs of cope. You can be ok with being lonely, but loneliness is a negative feeling and it is running __rampant__ across the younger generations, so spreading that “just stop looking and it will find you” sentiment when you know damn well most people don’t get that luxury until they’ve been wanting it for decades and feel hopeless isn’t helping. Being single and inexperienced is totally fine, there’s no pressure to date if you just don’t feel like it. Being single and inexperienced _and_ lonely is fine too, but resigning to and spreading the idea of “focusing on yourself” at that point is just MASSIVE cope. You know that it doesn’t just come easily, so you hit a point where you just act all casually about it, pretending it’s enlightenment, and you “work on yourself” until something “happens”. Don’t you feel the least bit impatient? Haven’t you been waiting long enough? No, you’re just doing it because you have no other option, but you skip the part where you acknowledge that and go straight to preaching it to others without acknowledging the loneliness itself. Or rather, you acknowledge the loneliness and the fact you can’t actively do anything to change it, so you skip to “well I’m just going to be perfectly content with being single then.”

Working on yourself is about working towards your goals, focusing on yourself is about doing what makes you happy. Together, they’re the combined sentiments of self-improvement and self-love, it’s putting your focus on your projects, your hobbies, your development, but in listing these things I get the feeling that there’s still something missing. Why do the values of self-improvement and self-love feel so _wrong_ when in this context of “focusing on yourself? It’s because there _is_ something vitally important missing here. Unless you would actively reject anyone who’s interested in you because you don’t want to be in a relationship at all, you are removing love from the equation and presenting it as complete. But you know damn well that’s a lie. Spending time with family, spending time with friends, both are very fulfilling if you properly keep up with them. Working on your body, working on your career, and working on a hobby are all very fulfilling if you properly keep up with them. But don’t look me in the eye and try to pretend that they are _wholly_ fulfilling without the thing that’s missing. Spending time with someone you like, finding a relationship amongst all the people who aren’t right for you, or that you just don’t have that spark with. Don’t tell me you’d be “focusing on yourself” if you didn’t have those goals too, don’t tell me it’s not a factor in your happiness. You may no longer rely on it to be happy, that’s different, but you rely on it to be fulfilled whether you want to or not. You only lessen the importance of it because you know that it’s not worth it to be desperate, but you’re still in denial that it’s important to you. That’s what I hate about that mindset. I’m not desperate, but I’m not going to just pretend that my lesser goals are more important than wanting love. I fulfill myself by keeping myself comfortable, entertained, and expressing my creativity. I could absolutely drop the fantasizing and say “I don’t need somebody else to be happy, I’m going to focus on my writing and if something happens, it happens.” and it seems like the most healthy mindset, right? ‘Till you realize that I’ve come to that conclusion before and kept that mindset for a year or two before just feeling painfully lonely again, crying at the thought of being told “I love you”, and knowing that I’ve felt this way for years and years and years and have never been able to really put myself out there in a way that I actually have a chance at meeting someone naturally. My other goals didn’t comfort me then, despite really _having something_ with the story that I’m writing, having something that keeps me inspired to write it. Having online friends didn’t comfort me then and I don’t have hobbies that make me any irl ones. my family didn’t comfort me then, hell I don’t even feel comfortable around them. Do I just need to work on these until everything is perfect? Easier said than done, nothing has changed about any of this despite my efforts to fix what’s lacking since I even first realized it as a teen. Would you really be happy “working on yourself” if someone told you, with nothing but sincerity in their voice, that you will *never* find what you’re hoping to bump into? How long would you _actually_ be content, in years, if you fulfilled every other aspect in your life and had nothing left to work towards? How much time would you be willing to spend just coping? I search and hope for a partner just because I don’t want to fake what’s important to me. I’ve been working on myself for long enough, because I’ve been lonely my entire life and not a damn thing has changed from doing so. I’m _not_ happy, and I don’t believe anyone who says they are. The kinds of people who _don’t_ need or want romantic love aren’t reading this. If you say it’s not that special, then why is it important enough to you to convince other people?

You voiced my thoughts perfectly. I get everything i need from friends and the hub lol

Please be quiet

@@Ardorstorm Why?

​@@ArdorstormWe are already so quiet that our life and death don't really matter in the grand scale of things. So, live or die. No point in being quiet.

Just tell her how you feel and what you’re interested in regarding your relationship, nothing is more attractive than someone who knows what they wants and can communicate it clearly. Good luck!

+1

Pringles are so good.

Same bro, same

@@reggie1847 agree, wish it was cheaper here

This sounds great but a lot of it isn't true in reality: - the conventionally hot person will have more dating options than an unattractive happy person. Sorry. That's just reality. You can even argue that the stereotypically attractive man is dark and brooding, or focused on his purpose, or intense, or dominant. Pick up any female-oriented romance novel and the hot male love interest is one of those things and not some guy who is just happy with life. - A genuinely great relationship can help you work through for example depression. It's just that you probably won't find a good relationship as a depressed person, but if I had a hot or rich friend (read: someone who can find a relationship even when depressed) I wouldn't advise them against entering a relationship. - I do agree with prioritizing working on yourself over finding a partner.

@@lightworker2956 Perhaps the OP made an overgeneralization, but I think it's reasonable to claim that someone who is happy with their life is indeed attractive. And, if someone is not societally accepted as externally attractive, the best thing they can to attract other is to demonstrate that they are happy with themselves. I also do not think your comparison with romance novels is analogous to reality, too. It's fantasy for a reason. To be genuinely attracted to those characters as real people would raise many concerns imo of both parties' abilities to maintain a healthy relationship. Of course, genuinely great relationships can unravel or resolve personal problems, but regardless of status, you should not approach a relationship in the first place with the mindset that you need something about yourself fixed. Doesn't matter if they're hot or rich. Just because they CAN get someone doesn't mean they SHOULD. What ends up happening is that people get unnecessarily hurt due to preventable issues. Also, a romantic partner is not necessarily the frontline support system for personal problems. You got friends and/or family to consult with first. So yes, do work on yourself. Be happy with your current life before looking for someone to add to it.

An autistic kid in my college seems happy and content with his life but no one really wants to be his friends. 🤷

​@@lightworker2956move your lazy ass to the gym have six pack then you should talk about any attractiveness. Talking from personal experience.

​@@frog6054I think that's a different issue

I'm still getting to know about myself, but I suspect I'm in the aromantic heterosexual spectrum as I can't really fall in love as easily/deeply as the people around me. It's nice to see there's another. I hope you can meet your partner soon.

I have the opposite problem xD. Heteroromantik asexual (wahmen) here, and i have the rizz but i dont want to so i stumble in a bunch of guys that would be open, but i have to decline and 2 ex relationships that ended because of that

It still isnt for the most part. Best you can expect is a weird friendship or a hookup. Soulmates? Might as well visit a Casino seeing how the odds are stacked against you

Also lots of things are in between. Sometimes you just want a cuddle really bad.

I tried to make the move. Ended up getting ghosted, dumped and cheated on.

It can't be cracked or to better explain it some hormones in the body do two, three, four... things at once. So you could feel lonely but you are actually horny and vice versa.

are you married now

@@arialassaulttrooper Ya, we are just about to sign mortgage papers and buy our first house together.. kids in a couple years maybe if WW3 doesn't happen. Becoming an actual adult is a trip

@@natedogg890huge congrats man! Same kinda thing here. Met my gf in uni. Still here 10 years later.

@@HigkeyRegarded007 what about the guys who didn't go to university? Or did uni in the pandemic?

Colleagues are not your friends.

hey hey... just know you are a lucky person and congrats on your relationship ^_^

Or be unlucky and never meet anyone

yep meet my bf in a language exchange community. I was just meaning to brush up on my jp, but stuff happened ig 😂😂😂

@@rhiannn3416 you too, congrats on being lucky(both you and your bf ^_^ )

Great advice

Great advice, but isn't guaranteed to bring you a partner Or new friends. Did all that but most of the people I got to know there also moved on (i. E. Got a family themselves, skipped town, whatever) or the girls do not view you romantically or the other way around. It does take your mind of things and gives you something to do, won't deny that. But it often is not enough

volunteering at a nonprofit is actually underrated. a good nonprofit volunteering experience can change your mood. i was down for a bit because of college but volunteering and seeing people happy and helping set up food for guests was so nice. nice ladies telling me i will do well in college was also really nice, it honestly felt too good to be true. i was thinking "there's no way people are this nice" but they were. i went to some random nonprofit place too, maybe i just hit the jackpot. i 100% recommend nonprofit orginizations

@@Luemm3l It's a good starting point, though.

This is why I am trying to slowly volunteer at anime connections. It has been awhile since I have been on staff for a con

Andrew tate would like to know your location

Dude chill, lots of people just want casual hook up and there's no scam involved there.

Still many countries in southern asia etc is different from that though.. Getting married and having a body count of one with ur spouse is the most common thing there. Ofc people are changing but still there is a cultural difference here

tell me you don't have sex without telling me you don't have sex:

​@@eli0uzpresumably he's talking about either pickup artists or the type of women who will go on a date/go fuck just to get money out of the relationship

It's fine. Focus on yourself, and when you feel ready, just go and date around. Have fun.

@@yurichtube1162 Thanks friend ^^

yup let it decay.

i think its harder to accept potentially being alone and having a big question mark in life instead of thinking one is doomed to be alone. But yeah fk it let it die.

womp womppp, ur literally a female stop tryna act like a victim🤣

Well if you have that large of a social graph in real life have you ever tried to use those connections 🤔?

I also have to figure that it probably wouldn't help even if I went up to my friends and explicitly asked them if they knew anyone they could introduce me to. I mean, you'd have to think that if it were even possible for anyone to be attracted to me at all, then at some point during all these years, someone would have expressed interest in me. It speaks volumes that literally no one has. Like I said, I think some of us are just cursed. My only real hope at this point is to get isekai'd as someone with even a tiny amount of rizz.

Your friends never helped you meet anyone?

NGL, if you are 39 the best choice is to look for single mothers that just divorced, they will probably be in a stage where vulnerable both emotionally and financially. That's when you can go all in.

@@mormegil84 Unfortunately, no. I have opened up to a few of my friends about my dating issues, and at least one of them told me that with my looks and body type, I'd honestly have a tough time finding anyone. Which, fair, but that still stung.

YES, being free from that other person's horniness is a big reason why I'm more happy single! I just need that one friend (or two). Then I'll be good.

funnily enough, interacting with other people, especially on an intimate level, is a very good way of understanding yourself and your preferences. Humans are social creatures. To a large extent, everyone is defined by other people.