This channel provides better borderlands content than gearbox does

“Ladies of Reddit, what’s the sexiest thing an overweight gamer said that made you cream instantly” - John Shirley, probably.

They could do what "Last Airbender" did with the play. Tina walks into the room and sees Brick and Mordecai reading these books. Mordecai says that it was foolish for the gang to sell their biographies. Brick says that Mordecai shouldn't have been drunk when talking to the authors (explaining the inconsistencies).

Lets be honest that bit about Roland tricking a bandit into turning off his shield is pretty on brand and sounds like a cut gag.

Bruh, torturing yourself AFTER the New Tales is beyond painful, but thank you for unearthing this atrocity so we don't have to.

Honestly the books suffer from "Early franchise syndrome" where the creators had ZERO idea where they wanted the series to go so threw shit at the wall to see what stick, the books are awful and really just scream "EHHHHH we'll figure it out later just push it out and see if it works". Also more then likely the author was given the bare minimum info on the series sooo they decided to wing it not knowing how big the franchise would get, kinda weird that was happening in 2011 tho it is possible that these books were written in 2010 and just released much later to co-inside with bl2's release. What a weird world we live in huh?

The books could atleast do ‘Borderlandsy’ things in book format. For example, a part where each character describes a plan over 3 pages each, and Brick literally leaves his 3 pages blank.

So I guess it was a blessing Lilith didn't get her own book

John Shirley strikes me as the type to describe himself as a "sigma male" unironically. I say this mostly because this doesn't feel like he misunderstood what Borderlands 1's world and atmosphere was like, but more so that he saw the blank slate of a world that the 1st game set up and saw an opportunity to shove barely disguised fetishes in it.

I haven't read them, but how bad could they be? EDIT: Just got to the part with Vance. This book is horrendous.

The guy who wrote these books also wrote a bioshock book in which sander cohen forces a teen to have sex with an octopus

The Fallen is probably what happens when you want to make an NTR manga but you can't draw anime for the life of you

Its sad because John Shirley usually writes brilliant stuff and it's safe to say I'm a fan of him but my god, even I remember the fallen being a let down when I first read it back in the day

Holy shit, this author cannot write women. Thank God Lilith wasn’t in any of these.

The absolute worst thing about these books is that the paperbacks are different sizes! They look so naff on the book shelf next to each other, I like my books to be uniform height in a series 😂

I’d love a reference to these being fanfic by a Super Fan of the crimson raiders and there’s a side mission where you either help her right a new one or help Brick and Mordy get her to stop writing them.

Idk about the Borderlands books, but the author, John Shirley, also wrote Halo: Broken Circle which is an absolutely fantastic book.

I wound up mentally blocking the Marla and Vance sections after reading The Fallen. Forgot all about it until watching this video

somehow i feel like the your shields malfunctioning is in character, nothing else though

Goddamn you finally made the long spoken of video about the BL books??? LETS GOO🎉🎉🎉🎉 🐐

When i heard "Scooter is nobody buddy" i was like "oooooh boy. It is THAT kind of book..."

Okay you've won! To ever made these videos, ever since I've been old enough to be allowed to watch KZfaq I've always heard people say, "get ready for this!" Or, "you won't believe this!" But you sir are the very first that said it and I was shocked at the answer... so you won! I would no longer doubt when a KZfaqr says that until I hear what they have to say. I mean seriously your reveal in the second story surprised me.

I thought "how bad could it be" and then got to the "bizarre right-wing pseudo-evo-psych cuck porn" bit. Damn jinxes go hard. Edit: At least we can call them Bonerlands, right? Right?

"Moxxi's character is wack." I find this sin to be unforgiveable.

I got two chapters into the first one and felt noticeably upset.

Huh…Granted, it is obvious that characters in the Borderlands games DO INDEED HAVE SEX WITH EACH OTHER. But I always considered that type of behavior (even of the deviant type) was always kept behind closed doors after playing both Borderlands 1 and 2. And no matter how crazy the bandits, rats or other humanoids on Pandora got, sex was always consensual. The only thing that wasn’t consensual was violent killing, either with guns or other forms of brutality.

Honestly they could just put the books in themselves as a cameo. Like, someone in the world wrote stories about the famous vault hunters.

I mean, you can't expect porn to have a good plot

It's great to see you reviewing again eruption

17:51 this sound like p*rn parody

I had completely forgotten I read these and it's so weird to be reminded of these stories. Great video!

Been waiting for this one

Borderlands 1-TPS: Fun sci-fi looter shooter with serious moments Borderlands novels: Loverslab Skyrim mods And we don't talk about 3 or New Tales because they don't exist goddamnit

I was surprise to learn these books where a things when I found out about them a few years back. Now, I just gotta add them to my reading collection.

So, I'm a bit unique in the Borderlands fandom: I've only played every game BESIDES 1, 2, or 3. But even in the ones I've played, I don't remember sex being a big thing in ANY of them. A few innuendos, and a girlfriend trouble or two, but nothing explicit. Extremely strange that it's such a big part in these books.

Okay so this is a really ambitious thought but when they make borderlands 4 and continue the “gather all the vault Hunters” thing from TPS I hope they have all of the playable vault hunters and my idea for Krieg is that he has gotten his sane self back(a little bit at least) and his action skill would be something like the bloodlust consumes him and he loses control and I don’t know haven’t planned that long

I know most people put stuff like this on a second monitor but theres somthing amusing about seeing a max level character struggle to kill a normal mode boss

I didn't know what to expect with this video, could never had guess what I was about to hear haha

I was pretty big into Borderlands in the years these were released and have literally never heard of these until just now.

I would like a vide on cyberpunk's lore, it has a very in-depth story, even just 2077 alone can make a 40 minute video, what more if you include edgerunners, Cyberpunk Red, 2020, and the othee sidestories.

What a terrible way to spend an hour. Thank you for your sacrifice.

"Dedicated to the fans of Borderlands" "Hey man, i don't know what we did to you but we're sorry" That made me laugh 🤣

Borderlands Book Series: The "Harry Potter and the Cursed Child" of Borderlands

I remember the books and friggin borderlands 3 has a very suspicious similar plot to one of the books. Of course isntead of a siren controlling the bandits some chick turned bandits into simps. Mordecai not knowing what to call black people gave me a hardy chuckle

This is something you'd find on wattpad written by some angsty teen

Been waiting a long time for this one!

There were books? Well, doesnt seem to be major loss not having heard of them...

i wonder if you've done a video on the old borderlands 1 mobile game i think called borderlands legends, its was pretty good when i played it

I am so glad I clicked on this video. I've had the books for ages to read but never got to it. Now I know to get rid of them ASAP and not waste my time lol

unsure if im misremembering this with another series, was at a local library and i saw some borderlands books that at least resemble these in my memory, didnt read them but from a short skim through i could tell it was bad lol.

A funny in universe explanation for these books could be that someone tried to publish a Marcus story they heard second hand.

If it wasn’t for the gameplay in the background, I legitimately wouldn’t have known this was meant to be a fucking Borderlands story

Are you going to review the latest RWBY volume? Would love to see your take on it!

From what smut site did you find these books?

i wonder on if you will do a video about your hopes of borderlands 4?

do you consider making new "the story of" for hyperion and other corporations?

To be fair! A Claptrap saying "No I cant disarm the bomb" only to then a chapter later realise "Oh wait! I CAN disarm the bomb! Hahaha sorry silly me" is WARY incarakter fore a Claptrap unit.

Also I’m not saying this to make it even more messed up but if you take out the borderlands characters and title along with a few plot points too and you replace them with Duke Nukem then I think these books would make a little bit more sense and might make it better

I have the first two books, got em long ago, I've yet to reread them or watch this and I imagine i wont wanna after this.

Ok so hear me out right? At this point the Crimson Raiders are definitely famous, they've interacted with like every major corporation, they were involved in like every vault and multiple planet wide events. So there should be a longer side quest that deals with a like, superfan who's written fan fiction that is the books. Do it like Lynchwood and just make a fully optional town dedicated to non-canon materials in the Borderlands series. Just a bunch of incredibly weird fans of the Crimson Raiders.

there is a Blue unique with red text that says "give it a burl"

no way this isn't some weird fanfic omfg

Honestly I liked unconquered. Used to read it all the time as a kid.

So many bad stories, and isn't there something about a live action? You know what they could do? Just real simple: Make a Borderlands 2 episodic series of the game, using the in-game models, maps, and dialogue. He'll, a voice generator could even give some original dialogue for the vault hunters. Either do something short and sweet by following the main quests, or go the distance and throw in as many side quests (possibly splitting up the vault hunters into teams or solo in the process for character focus) as they can.

"Who knows Ian? Maybe this will be my next movie?"

I probably saw these in some store in the corner of my eye to busy looking at the manga section and halo books

Well, I just spent 50 minutes listening to more reasons why Borderlands sucks balls...under Gearbox, at least.

These books are like inqusitor Draco of borderlands

Lets commence the book burning.

Can someone please tell me the name of the background music that’s starts playing at 4:12

What type of weapon is this "sex" thing? I've never heard of it

It is amazing a book series that exists is around as bad as New Tales and that was the quickest game I quit in years. I really do hope that a possible Borderlands 4 is somewhere between 2 and 3 for quality and possibly ignore that New Tales even exists.

27:56 oh my god did New Tales make these glam gems canon? Do glam gems have ancient, all-powerful gods trapped in them? dont answer, because i dont care

Sounds like some teenager's fanfic. Pairs nicely with the millennial fanfic of the last couple games.

"the only villain worth being visualized" i mean...

cant wait to watch!!

IM SORRY, THERE WAS A BOOK SERIES?!?!

Good luck with monitization bucko

Tell me you can't write women without telling me you can't write women.

Those books are certainly something. They are not as dumb as the New Tales but it's a near thing. Anyway these are my opinions on the books based on your review. Fallen: Probably the best book out of them. The tone is certainly different from the Borderlands we know. It's definitely more standard post-apo world which would be much more primal and gentle treatment of women wouldn't be something people would put priority in. The parts with Marla would be more interesting if there was some background (e.g. her boredom/dissatisfation with her married life) and if it was written better. The Rats deciding what to do with Marla reminds me of a movie series The Hills Have Eyes. The part with the kid is nice and Roland plays a nice role. The part with the father is dumb and the other guy reminds me of Crazy Earl. The living ship is an interesting idea but unfinished and kind of random. Unconquered: The villain's power is hillarious but her backstory is kind of random. Her being a power hungry woman who became dominatrix because she was obsessed with power and control which however wasn't enough so she uses the drug would've made much more sense. Gunsight: Some ideas weren't bad but others were horrible. Especially butchering Moxxi. And that ending makes no sense.

Prison reading !

I didn't know the series had books

I've heard about this books, but I've never read them

I’ve never thought books like this was ever written and I’m soo glad they’re not canon only thing I like are the comics which aren’t actually written by a weird sex pest who’s idea of women on pandora is to be raped is crazy to me that this was even allowed to be published in the first place😵‍💫

Yay

I'm glad the first book was first and was also the worst because JFC.

So the first book is just corn?

"how bad can it possibly be?" *dies of cringe*

can you do a diablo lore recap

Vance is absolutely an author insert mary sue, there’s no other explanation.

Oh they exist. I own The Fallen

These comics are disgusting. Extremely sexist and using sexual assault like its nothing big. These stories genuinely made me uncomfortable and disgusted, these gross guys who wrote this trilogy obviously never played Borderlands and just wanted an excuse to write a bad edgy wasteland comic filled wity theur fetishes and bad original characters (DO NOT STEAL). Really glad for as bad as Borderlands 3 and Tales 2 are they're never this total disgusting garbage.

So... Zack dies, and the only reason they were heading to Zanthis was so he could get a job there. Way to go guys, you totally won this.

So you never make season 9 RWBY videos ? Why??

I wonder if the author didn't get the freedom he should have. (I ask this before listening to the entire video. Also because John Shirley wrote Rapture: The Prequel to Bioshock and did an absolute good job with it.)

I started reading the books and haven't gotten far but I think I'm going to pass now

some of these shouldv'e stayed forgotten...

This can't be real

Peak fiction

Iirc tiny tinas back stort is similar to vance. Dead parents. Anyway I encountered some stupid sci fi book that seemed legit at first but it too devolved into some sex bs. Mercifully it didn't describe it but that didnt save the story. The moral of which was total garbage