"Poison personalities" i love that omg

@R RQ idk I didn't find that implausible -- a lot of people react fearfully to people who have been committed or even voluntarily institutionalized, or who just behave erratically once or twice

R RQ, I didn't find it implausible either. At one point in my life, my significant other was very sick, almost died, had a lengthy hospital stay... And all the people who I had been close to at that time felt overwhelmed at that event, didn't know what to say or do, so just found it easier to stay away. Once he was healthier and our lives were more stable, some came back around again... But it's a difficult action to forgive. I was not able to forgive the abandonment, but I think that is an individual judgment call.

Jeannie Neuser You hit the nail right on the head. I almost died and I spent some time in a coma. After 4 surgeries, even my family was overwhelmed. Thank you for your reply.

R RQ I replied to one person. I didn't ignore you.

same same so I just play video games :D

Same here!

Mood

Mao

Same. So I have pets.

That only works with people who actually care and don't understand what gaslighting is.

That's the parasite. They use something in the host to keep the relationship going

@@iuliuspro I just ended a relationship like this. I didn't know it has a name

Parasites love me. They abuse of my good nature and when I have nothing else to give and say No, they abandon me.

No one can "make" you feel guilty. How you react to someone trying to force you to feel a certain way is your choice.

PiggyAzalea How does social media factor in? Not being an asshole, I am genuinely asking.

It's more of a cultural problem than social media.

PiggyAzalea me too 😔

I know we may never meet but lets talk maybe on insta?

I agree 110% it’s supposed to make us more connected but really it’s made genuine connections very very hard people isolate themselves behind a screen. I am looking for the exact same thing I really hope that you find with someone just as I am looking for that for someone to I wish you all the best. I’m looking for a friend who appreciates someone checking in on them and would do the same for me has the time for friendship someone who is positive and caring

Yup

Yeah I’ve kind of become nihilistic to relationships because it seems to just be a business deal

As a Canadian, there are some of us that are introverted an reclusive. My existence has had no interpersonal, social, interaction, since the 8th of August 2000 at 18:34, with no negative consequence. Not all humans require interpersonal, social, connections to successfully function within the perimeters considered for prosperity. It is merely a myth that all humans must function as part of a social herd, or require friends.

Sometimes that's sad, often it's happy.

Agreed! We don't get to pick our family, but we do get to pick our friends :) xoxo

Preach, not all families are the same and yes they definitely can. Its happened to me, two of my close friends take me with them for the holidays and the family of one of them is very welcoming to the point where they let me watch a movie in their master bedroom the first time I came for Thanksgiving.

But those kind of friends are exceedingly rare. Most people will go through life never having those kinds of friends.

I read that as F.R.I.E.N.D.S. the TV show. I've got a lot of unconditional love (and endless laughs) from that show, so I liked your comment even before I realised what you actually meant haha

Snap same here

Me too, I have the same problem

Me too.

If most people only consider you an acquaintance you could possibly consider whether you give off a vibe that is interpreted in a way that says you are only interested in surface relationships. I know for my I definitely do that

You said that people never reach, so you don't reach out neither. Try reaching out, and be patient with the process. Sometimes it takes time for some persons to trust and open up. I'm sure some of those persons feel the same way-- they want to reach out but don't because they are waiting for the other person to reach out instead. Take a chance, be vulnerable, and reach out. If you're rejected by one or by a few, don't allow that to cause you to stop, that's a natural part of the process. Keep going. Blessings and love.

Aww i really hope and think that you may find friends in the future. Honestly I think it might help if you looked for friends a bit, you are probably used to not having relationships. So sorry this is happening, I think you have a chance for it to be better! Don't assume right away someone is going to hurt you when meeting people. 😊

I understand

This is SO completely relatable...unfortunately ☹️

i understand

Irilly Dunno I completely understand you

@@Nicolinax That is because you are cooler than most people.Peace and contentment to you forever.

Irilly Dunno thanks ❤️

Irilly Dunno I agree with everything u said except the last part. My cat tries her hardest to obstruct my path in the hallway every day! 🐈

My dog always obstructs my path but hes going blind so I don't blame him

Right. People are too busy "adulting. " I can't get anyone to go on long trips with me but they will go with their husbands to places like Duluth Minnesota in summer with high temps in the 5o's. They passed over a trip to Daytona Beach with me for that.

I will be your friend.

@Battle Fiercely what do you mean "at what cost?"

@Battle Fiercely oh ok. 😊 I didn't get the sarcasm, I'm a bit slow. 😂

That's because when you're young, you can just do something young people do together, and if you spend time with each other you might become attached. Normal adult life/stuff/concerns are dull and tedious, so there's nothing much to grow attached to each other about.

fred miller 🙌🏻🙌🏻

Fred Miller... I feel that way too. Let's hope both of us are... Wrong. 😂😂😂

I feel like the bad sides of maintaining relashionships overwhelm the good things I can get out of a relashionship

@@jeannieneuser5316 Interesting that therapists encourage their clients to make connections, have friends, but a major part of a therapists job seems to be unraveling the turmoil and disasters created by RELATIONSHIPS. Jump'n Jesus...it's like the computer anti-virus companies who create viruses and then sell you the fix. Hahahaha..It's a mad mad world.

I feel this way lately as well

I don't know if this is relevant anymore. Hope you are doing better now. I just wanted to say that I used to feel the same way and EMDR therapy helped me to heal from my trauma. Maybe It's something worth exploring if you haven't already! Hope things are better now

Actually science is backing that. There's some sort of 7 years rule for relationships

Mistaria Spellsinger I feel exactly the same. Exactly. I long for a true blue friend. I make friends very easily but then they drain me. I find I give my all to a friend hoping they’ll do the same it’s silly but I’m longing for almost like “TV friendships “ which I know don’t exist but gosh I wish they did. Where the friends are loyal caring and really there for each other through and through. I have been working on being strong alone in my own skin. Being ok alone and being more slow and cautious building friendships since I’ve been finding they’ve been mostly others “taking” from me 80/20. And it doesn’t feel equitable or reciprocal. I truly wish you the very best!! You deserve it.

You grow out of relationships too, just like a wardrobe. Just think about these times in your life. They were probably transition periods. You were transforming.

You need to reciprocate, that be there for the friends as you - apparently - expect from them. I sure hope I don't get you wrong. I used to have a friend (in school) who disappointed me heavily. Since then I have acquaintances. Also I find it "invasive" when someone wants to get closer. I get abrasive, to protect myself. I feel safer when no one will try to intrude.

@@isabellabihy8631 this is exactly how I feel when new people try to get near me,weather they seem genuine or not I still feel I have to put a wall up.it can feel kind of isolating but I always feel at the same time what choice do I really have

@@isabellabihy8631 I was there for them in happy and sad times...when I fell and needed a hand..they turned their back..and they back stabbed me..I am lonely..it sucks but real friends are hard to find. I try to cope with it.

@@potatoships9379 Oh yes that must hurt bad. But you made it and are here today. That is a huge achievement.

Just like my parents ahahaha /cries

I second that!!! Ppl who are toxic never see it in themselves

Agreed!! It's always good to look inward as well as outward when navigating relationships. xoxo

@@ZariBankhi I actually do know that I can be toxic but I really struggle to change that. I wish it was easier /: Maybe Kati could make a video on how to be less toxic :) when you have GAD.

agreed! even though A LOT of toxic people do not want to evaluate themself

@@NicoleCamileSantosAlexandre & I'm that friend who tries to offer support &:fix ppl... it's crushing sometimes

@K P Me too.

Start up a card game night.

Thank you for your services❤️🌹🌻🌺🌼🌸🌷

So glad you liked the video and found it helpful :) xoxo

Kati Morton it was good

Introvert? ASD? Schizoid?

​@@IsleNaKno.

And i hav no soul

@@randomcat4940 Please get a soul.

@@randomcat4940 thats kind of hot tbh

And god to

Same. About a year ago, I had four friends. Now I have at most one, and our friendship is damaged by how far apart we are now days.

agreed

Agree

@R RQ what if you're autistic though....? Or an introvert...? Socializing is a pain then. Can something that pains you really be good for you....? I have friends btw. And yet I agree with the statement above. People are all different. Some long for contact and feel good if they have it and for some it's draining.

@R RQ "Humans are social animals" - Not if the person is schizoid, and frankly our social needs vary quite a bit. Can anyone ever give advice without assuming their paradigm/narrative should apply to others automatically? Sheesh.

As an introvert with a history of chronic shyness, social awkwardness etc you would that I’d be in agreement however I am not.

Tested for ASD?

Me too

Omg I love your picture and name lol

😀

Tom Palmer I hope you’re doing well and hope you have set the self care boundaries for yourself with your buddy to Keep your sobriety. You’re not turning your back on your friend. You’re choosing yourself! He is responsible for himself. Please don’t let anyone guilt you and make you feel any other way. You owe yourself first and no one will care for you as much as you. You are very important. Please keep being well.

Take him to an AA meeting.😉

Me too ! I seem to have stopped making friends since school days ended! But yes, lots of acquaintances, some of whom I thought were my friends or that we were heading into friendship, only to realise in due course that they soon have become passersby in my life !

I agree. Friends only drain me and waste my time.

same

I hope it makes you happy

I think as an adult it's okay not to have friends and just respect each other.

Thanks Yasir. We appreciate the kind words 🤗

It's so confusing I know. Then when you do have a friend it is, 'is it me? Or is it them?' Get told so many times it's me (BPD) I have given up.

Also! I think the self-doubt that comes in the first stages of self-awareness makes us vulnerable to gaslighting. What helps me is to let a day or two pass and think about the situation objectively. Is there truth in that I could have done better? Have I really tried to mend things from my part? Could I try to communicate this better, assertively, not aggressive or passively? Do THEY see how what they did affected me? Do they want to understand me better? Personally, it all boils down to expectations. What do I need from them? What do they need from me? In a broader sense. Because not everybody is going to be our bff! And I think our expectations should fall according to the type of relationship we want and they want. I am currently in this transitional phase where I am extremely aware of how I make other people feel and how they make me feel. Now I wonder, does this relationship align with the changes I want in my life? Do I get as much as I give? Do I give as much as I take? Do I feel at peace in this person's presence? Do I feel comfortable communicating how I feel or what I think or what I want and need? Do I make them feel comfortable as well? All in all does this serve me. Like they said, do the positives outweigh the negatives? Because nobody is perfect, and we must accept the grey area we all fall into. Splitting IS a very frequent problem in BPD. And it affects our relationships more than we care to admit. So, I like to stay as objective and rational about specific situations that have either triggered something or that have been hurtful and sh!tty from their end. Because It's the only way I found, as of late, to really determine whether or not a person will be good for me or not. And I to them! Of course.

Cait Parker I'm 32. And navigating relationships (friends, family, sexual/romantic) has been the most difficult area in my life. It's so hard. And it's the #1 thing to hurt my mental health.

@@cjaquilino omg I feel you 😂 I'm not even even that age yet but I can tell I'll always find that difficult.im not great with people because of how I've been treated.its still a learning progress though

I used to feel this way. After moving to a big city, meetig people there and seeing a good psychologist I've managed to actually build some good friendships. I don't want to be the person who says "you'll find them eventually", but changing your environment can definitely give you more chances.

@@caitparker1603 you are pretty

and how did it go? did you make friends? how did you do that, in a place where you didn't know anyone?

Lol

they do tho

Of course, friends can never disappoint you - only your expectations of them. In life nobody owes you anything. There's no entitlement, nothing to GET when you are there to GIVE. *And when you just give, you have more to give than you did before.*

@@j_freed That's quite insightful. But I was referring to a vine. My comment wasn't serious 😁

*strikes pose*

I don't have any pets, but lots of people really like animals. Some people prefer them over humans! A nice dog or cat will keep you company without ragging on you about your job, how you talk, how come you do this, why don't you do that, and all that Human bullshit :)

Chiara B. Going through the same thing. I can totally relate

I also going through the same thing that u are going through. My friend has passed away 2 years ago this July.

Rachel Heflin, I am sorry for your loss. Hope you are doing well 🙏🏻

Rachel Heflin i’m so sorry💔🥺❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

You can talk to a therapist, maybe you need it

So sorry.Peace to you

@@yellabyrd5821 Thank you for the acknowledgement. I appreciate it.

@@somethingyousaid5059You are so welcome. I feel for you ,truly.I have severe issues myself which have always set me apart from others.Spirit hugs.

I am so sorry you're having such a hard time :( I hope our online community can offer some support :) And I also hope my videos about making friends are helpful too. xoxo

@@Katimorton Thank you ma'am for your support. And yes, your videos have been so very helpful to me for sure. It's through your videos that I have been educated a great deal about so much that I had not even heard of before. And so much of the information in your videos is so relevant to me only because it addresses some of the very problems that I have. So please keep up the good work that you do. And my best to you ma'am.

I am so sorry you're having such a difficult time.. I do have some other videos about making friends as an adult, and managing any social anxiety. I hope those help too! xoxo

Im 30 as well and have a hard time holding friends. They either leave, or i feel as though im too much of a bother and will shy away. Not everyone gets me or gets my humor. Its hard to connect when you feel like you aren't normal.

@@twiztidmomma22 Wow, I understand that so well.

I will be your friend.

Ceilidh O'Sullivan Welcome to the Community!

I am so glad you found the video helpful!!! xoxo

Sometimes i fear i will treat my depression and the toxicity that surrounds me will keep me there

@@twiztidmomma22 treating the depression will give you more energy thus making it easier to get away from the toxicity.

An activity is usually a good place to start! Community service, dance lessons, gym, music and jamming... There are many things!

Hey Jovanna!! I am so glad this video was helpful and timely :) xoxo

Genie G same, you are not alone, im always left out, I have come to the conclusion that It is because im quite ugly and people think I have nothing to offer, but It does not hurt me anymore.

me too

Same here next year is my last year of collage and i dont have a single peoples i can talk only thing i can do is work you not alone and if you need to talk feel free to chat with me if not just know you not alone everyone having hard time like you and lets hope for best

Genie G same... maybe it's Asperger's syndrome? I have it, and it's gotten in the way of lots of my relationships

I don't have any friends either but I have to say I find it so refreshing ☺️

Melissa Hatfield happy birthday!!

Awe that is great to hear! I am so glad you liked it :) xoxo

Yeah, they are happy just hanging out with you.

Bones Rangel congrats on starting therapy!

attitudes, but susceptible to put-downs, etc.

Omg I TOTALLY agree!!! Thank you thank you so much for saying this! I feel this too. Villains and evil people very much do exist. And sometimes there is a clear source of blame. Indeed. Thank you for pointing it out and calling it out.

But if you don't acknowledge your part, you were attracted after all, you were 1/2 the relationship, then you keep replaying the same scenario with different people over and over. Yes, he/she was horrible. How do I learn and grow cuz I'm wearing a sign that says, "KICK ME"??? If you don't accept that you are the common denominator then you go through life wearing that sign.

@@pauladuncanadams1750 That is not true, a kid who grow up in an abusive household and is forced to grow up there or forced to go to a school in a class with abusive people didn't have the choice!! And that upbringing often is the cause for having conditioning and patterns of viewing the world and other people and getting in to similar situations without knowing how to properly protect themselves. It is something that can need a lot of healing to break that fully.

@@kanaler5924 it is your responsibility as an adult to work on yourself. Once you realize that, hey, I keep picking the same kind of people, over and over again, then it's your responsibility to yourself to find out why and work your own program. It may have been your childhood, your parents, whatever??? Or maybe you project or aren't insightful enough to even realize that you have a problem??? Or so grandiose as to think everyone else has problems but not you??? Doesn't matter. You have to take responsibility for your life, your attitude, your behavior, yourself. Or stay a victim, and sit there bawling while the world passes you by.

@@pauladuncanadams1750 you're toxic af.

Let’s hope he didn’t arrange it that way.

@@pippipster6767 Why would he? We're a few people without family (they died off, I had parents and grandparents at one point in time, obviously).

Then let's be friends

Odelette Blue Same

It is like I have people I can laugh and talk but never bring up any heavy stuff it is like hiding your true mental state and your reality making it evn worse

Yeah, same. I just usually want to ask for a little patience and people freak out.

Sara animates [s fangirl] don’t make excuses for yourself. You don’t OWE them anything. If u don’t want them in ur life let it be known. And cut ties off. If they live with u. Speak to them about it and how draining they are

@@TheMakeupMavenn I appreciate the feedback, but I already tried to cut ties with them, honestly I just can't because of the country I live in. Thanks for the feedback tho And about speaking with them, everytime I tell them about how I don't appreciate their words and actions, they act so offended and blame me like usual

I don't understand how your country has to do with you not being able to leave them? do you live in north korea?