After 20 years of stillborns miscarriages and infertility I FINALLY had my daughter at 40! Only pain worse than involuntary childlessness is losing your child.

34 year old female here. My husband and I dated in high school as 16 year olds, enjoyed the college life together, and got married at 27. We felt we were too young then to start a family, and was just beginning to start our careers. We also wanted to enjoy our marriage before the kids come along. Now that we are in our 30s, have steady careers, and a home, we felt it was time. Also, we knew our biological clock was ticking away. We started trying last year, and no luck. I didn't realize how difficult the journey to pregnancy would be, or the heartaches that would come with it. We tested positive In mid March, but shortly after had a miscarriage. Do I wish I had a child younger? In a way, yes, but also not really. The 24 year old me would not have been emotionally stable, or mentally healthy to be the mother a child would need. I had to unlearn some habits, resolve some traumas and work on myself to be who I am today. You know one thing I realize about us humas? It's human nature to crave what we don't have. I have friends who had kids in their 20s, took a pause form education and career, and now, though they all say they love their kids, they wished they could have pursued their careers/dreams. Then I have friends who are in my boat who pursued their careers/dreams, and are now trying for kids in their 30s, but because the journey to pregnancy is so difficult, they wished they started sooner. Either path taken is difficult. I think it's not so much lying to females, but I wish we were taught all the options and the possible consequences. Instead, one was weighed more heavily as positive to the other. *sigh. But it is only in hindsight where regrets can be born.

I am 44 and believed the career lie but woke up in time. Married at 32 and Started having children at 34 and my body definitely had a harder time with each pregnancy. I am now in a season where I am grieving with dear friends who are involuntarily childless with no spouse. It’s really painful to watch and I don’t know what to say to these lovely women. I almost missed the indescribable love, joy, challenges and meaning of growing a family.

I’ve been told time and time again that I’d make a great dad. My wife (girlfriend at the time) took FOREVER to pick a career and get done with school. I worked long weeks in stressful blue collar jobs to support her. We’re almost 40 now. No kids. I feel like part of the purpose of my existence has vanished.

I was homeschooled by my very strict retired Nuclear Physicist mother and I was a very high achieving student. I went off to college at 15, tested very high on every test, perfect GPA, my professors submitted me for every award and internship they could, they were excited for me to go off to start my career, but that was never what I wanted. I always wanted to be the best mother I could be. I had children young, I was married at 19 soon after graduating college and got pregnant 2 months later. Nearly a decade with my husband and 3 kids later, I couldn't imagine doing anything else. I disappointed a lot of people when I decided to quit my job and stay home to homeschool my kids. I am a very disciplined and ambitious person, but I am pouring all my ambition and discipline into homeschooling my kids and I am co-running a co-op education group that is growing rapidly. I love working with kids and seeing them succeed, so many of our members were failing in regular school and now they're thriving and grades ahead of their peers.

I’m 36 with no family or partner….. I’m not going to watch this and feel bad for myself . Life just life’s and I have to go with the flow of my life . GOD has a plan and I’m going to try my best to better myself and become the wife I want to be

"Women shouldn't focus on having careers", then how the hell are they gonna pay off their bills and buy stuff?

I do not think this is applicable to everyone. Some people are not given to be married or have kids. Some have health issues, including depression etc. Others have traumas and emotionally disengaged or personality disorders, better for them to stay single. Others have financial problems etc or in toxic relationships. I have seen enough people destroyed by the social pressure 'do what everyone else does at a certain age', without taking all the factors into account.

Jordan, why do we have to have children?

But what about mental health? A mother must be mentally ready to have a child, the fertility of the womb is one side of the debate, but the mental and intellectual maturity of the mother, literacy and the ability to raise a child is another condition for having children, and I have rarely seen a woman who is 19-20 years old. Have a chance to find a very good husband

I had my first baby at 31, second at 34, and now my third at 37. The difference I have felt in my body is crazy. All healthy babies and pregnancies, but I am just wore out and really in pain all the time with this baby. Our bodies' abilities can change faster than we think. I think this topic is good for young people to hear.

I am a guy who took a long time to get his act together.

I believe the career lie for many years. Went to engineering school, got lots of internships, started my corporate career at 25, climbed it very quickly and soon became a manager. I was appalled by the lack of purpose I felt. I saw time passing and knew my biological clock was ticking, so at 30 I had my first child. I felt like many people did not expect that from me, and even I was unsure, after so many years invested in a career. But I have zero regrets and just welcomed my second 1 month ago, at 33. Being a mother is the hardest but most fulfilling job I have ever done. I have a sense of accomplishment and a feeling that when I die I am leaving my memories alive. Someone down the line will point to a picture and say “wow this was my great-grandma”. Nobody is going to look at picture from the company manager 70 years from now.

Very interesting discussion and a hugely complex topic. Asking young people to be able to afford everything in this increasingly expensive world whilst also being able to financially support a family is becoming an increasingly harder sell. It’s a damn shame for humanity that we’re at the point where an increasing number of young people are being priced out of parenthood. With the introduction of AI systems, it’s only going to get more and more complex.

I'm about to be 37. My wife is 32. We have an almost 3 year old and 15month old twins(all boys) it took a yr for the first pregnancy and it didn't take, months for the 2nd. 3months after number 1 we had another failed pregnancy followed by the twins a few months later. It was a hard road but we're glad we went that way

I’m so glad that I was blessed enough to meet my husband young and we decided to go ahead and have children right away while we were/are young and energetic. I will turn thirty this year and have had four lovely children. I’m my opinion, if you have the option, pregnancy is better done while you’re young. Also, something that is not talked about enough is that baring children and breastfeeding is GOOD for a woman’s body. Yes it’s hard on it but it prevents cancers, generally speaking it promotes hormone balance and I have a suspicion that it even helps with menopause. Many of my high school teachers as well as my feminist aunt were disappointed in my decision not to go to college and to put my energy into raising a family but I can say, ten years later, that I am still very happy with my choice and don’t wish it any other way.

Childbirth is inherently risky. In a world where men by and large have the choice whether or not to risk their lives for humanity, it is a hard sell to young women who are not maturing as fast as they used to and who have many other opportunities. Once I met my husband in graduate school, my vision of the future changed. The biggest encouragement for women to prioritize childbearing is strong men who are full partners, who make a woman feel she will not raising another woman’s grown child alongside her own. A woman who feels safe and cared for desires to care for others.

I feel like women are being CONSTANTLY reminded of their biological clock. I was in a panic in my early 20s already and pursued some relationships well past their sell-by date because I wanted to have a family. In the end, I'm glad I took my time, became a lot more selective, and only settled down when it was right. Now my son benefits from parents who are in a stable relationship. I had him when I was 30, which I think was the perfect age because you're still young and fit but have gained a little maturity.

These are always frustrating to me. At least in my experience, I’ve had no option but to focus on my career. I wanted to have children in my 20s but I’ve yet to find a mate. I’ve tried so hard, and the deep desire to have children made me stay in an abusive relationship way longer than I should have, which I finally left it without having children. What else am I to do but focus on my career? We are called free loaders if we don’t. I have to make a living.

I wholeheartedly agree. I married at 28 and had my 3 daughters at 29, 30 and 32. After becoming a mother, I have no desire to climb the career ladder any longer and have turned down promotions. After work, I am happy to go home to my family and watch my daughters grow up. At times I miss being a stay home mother and have contemplated changing jobs so I can spend even more time with my children. Unfortunately, I am not in a position to stay home long term due to my mother's medical expenses which I am helping to pay for. But I am open to working lesser hours and earning less and adjusting my lifestyle, so that my daughters have more time with me.