Gotta love Jon's dejected little sigh when he realized the knock was coming from a door that wasn't there before lmao

Helen, what you are feeling is guilt. Welcome to humanity; it's going to be a rough ride.

In addition to organizing hundreds of ghost stories, tracking down monsters, avoiding kidnapping, and stopping the apocalypse, Jon has to be therapist for random entities? That's rough

"My first job was with Jurgen Leitner", whoa, way to start with a bang.

"I just! Want! To feel! Better!" Oh Helen

"self is difficult" boy oh boy it sure is

Jon posting about this on AITA and getting torn apart

John.... You could've found a friend on their side....

helens voice sure is sounding a lot more.. michael-like than before

"God, do I miss being chased? That's depressing." That's the hardest I've ever laughed during this series

Wow I feel so bad for Helen John just steam rolled that conversation down

I get why people say, Jon should have teamed up with Helen, but I think he is just too overwelmed with everything at the moment to deal with it.

It's interesting how The Distortion addresses Jon. There's a lot to unpack from that conversation, but, most importantly, it addresses him as The Archivist in a way that feels weird. Like, in the same way The Distortion isn't Helen even when it is, it feels like Jon isn't entirely Jon anymore. As if The Archivist wasn't just a title given by The Eye that allows you a certain power, but as if it was an actual entity existing within (or as) Jon.

i wonder if we’re technically a manifestation of the eye? we’re technically watching/listening to everything they record

Theoretically, that meat grinder could infinitely duplicate the human parts, thus producing the infinite amount of meat. That's a viable option when it comes to global food shortage!

I need helen and jon to be monster friends on god i need them to be friends OTL

He's FURIOUS at her, because he doesn't want to be like her. She-- they-- They are a dark mirror. Something thick with madness, but still being... themselves. He wants his choices to be his own, and she-they desperately want the same. But they-she are already lost. And the Archivist knows it (or, he thinks he does.) and when she basically said "I'm like you," John heard instead, "you're like me." With everyone he's trying to protect, everything he's trying to do Better, nothing makes him more FURIOUS then an entity telling him that he is a monster. Especially when their very nature is to deceive. Poor Helen. I think she was being genuine, but... sucks to be known as a lier.

I really wouldn't antagonize the only borderline friendly creature I know if I were him

So this is the second time when someone really familiar with the entities says "I don't sleep well anyway" after agreeing to give a statement...I really need to know what the heck happens to people after they give their statements! I kinda brushed off the first time since the statement itself had to do with sleep disturbance but now it's obvious that something's up

The fact that Helen knocked before manifesting shows how drastically different they are to when they were Michael.

I would really like Jon and Helen to be monster friends, maybe cling to their humanity together

The Flesh is not a master I would want to serve...

And there's one possible ally lost. :c

I actually feel bad for Helen and kinda miss (?) Michael

Me, doing my usually half paying attention half drawing while listening: :) "I don’t speak any Croatian, but..." Head snaps up in a 'wha--' as I realise people remember my country exists. Hell-o one more unnerving aspect of The Flesh episode.

I love how Jon has yet to realize how he's drawing in those entities one by one the stronger he becomes. First, The Web marked him as food as a child, but he escapes and now it's giving him small warnings and pointers whenever it can get away with it in The Eye's domain. After that, The Eye all but adopted him, doing everything to keep him alive and nurture his growth at this point. (Every time one of the recorders turns on, I imagine it sitting there, munching popcorn/new information in the background.) Then, when he sought out The Desolation and The Vast. Both wanted him gone at first, but after their agents gave their statements and admitted to feeling better after spilling their guts, they decided to let him go, minor shenanigans notwithstanding. And now, The Spiral of all things comes to him for advice on its newfound humanity, stating it never lied to him from the start and wouldn't dare to, which stands in complete contradiction with its nature. Makes one wonder if it's part of "The Watcher's Crown" in some way, which also raises the question why The Eye seems so intent on collecting statements from everyone Jon encounters and if the archives hold a similar function as the book that kept poor Gerard from finding his proper rest.

Helen, poor Helen D: She doesn't have an anchor does she? To anchor her to humanity? She needs one, and it seems like she likes Jon...but Jon pushed her away

Can we have a Salesa spinoff that’s just about his adventures selling cursed objects and sailing around with his crew?

Who is the best Magnus Archives character and why is it the nonbinary trickster monster suffering from dissociation?

Jon to Tim: I'm nothing like Elise! Jon here: If I got to please a meat God so be it. Jon 5 mins later: dam it Helen I'm nothing like you, you're just like Michael

Hunger unending, Why then is the plate empty? Fill it with yourself.

when jon calms down, maybe he should think about the fact that this omnipotent entity who could kill him with ease did leave when he asked. it asked to talk. it could have forced him to. it didn't.

Oh I was just wondering when we'd see Helen again!! Too bad about what happened tho :(

The distortion, the embodiment of confusion is confused Also Jon rlly be telling demons to F off

I really wish Jon had heard Helen out but i 100% Understand, 1. Hes really not the type of person to empathize/sympathise with someone he isnt extremely close to and 2. He's gotta be extremely overwhelmed with everything, the knowledge of Elias basically watching his every move, the end of the world essentially, Sasha's death, and so much more, he doesn't have the time to deal with Helens issues no matter how sincere they're being he has no reason to help them

"Statement regarding an antique meat grinder" Well Find me in the Alps; this is going to be horrific.

I want to give helen a hug :(, it's ok sweetie your trying ur best there there it'll make sense eventually.... maybe..... ok let's not hope too much there actually but still!

Had some spooks after hearing Jon say the words "deus ex machina" XD a [[[trope]]] that has been used to save his life many times. Count the Michael Crew situation and the "Michael" situation.

Oh, Jon. I think they were telling the truth. Oh no. I feel so bad for them. And for Michael. God, their voice sounds really similar to Michael's in this distorted sort of way, and now I miss them more. This is complicated.

God.. I felt Jon’s comment about how he just felt like he was killing time, that he missed being chased, as weird as it is. When a lot goes on, it feels off when it finally stops, and you have time to breathe.

i never want to hear Jon grumble "meaty bubbles" again

Awwwwwww poor Helen 😞

"So I suppose if it’s a statement you’re wanting… it’s no inconvenience to me. I don’t sleep well anyway." Oh so making a statement does disturb the statement givers sleep? Like last time with aderald dekker

the leg bit at the start, i'm sorry that i laughed at that poor helen :

an antique meat grinder?? homie what did you think was gonna happen?

it's sad that I take a few days' break listening for Christmassy reasons and I come back to this and have this fond sort of, "aw" feeling when Jon goes off describing viscera

Why do I find the Spiral kinda...endearing?

19:00 stop making me feel bad by closing the door with a slow sad squeaking sound !

worst decision ever- listening to this podcast while eating

He lashing out her most likely because he feels guilty about her fate. Guilt is probably blinding him to the fact that she is just as lost he is about what they are becoming. Jon being stuck in me vs. Them mind set isn't helping there are compromises for this types of situations but then again for some individuals it may just lead to a faster spiral. Honestly though in jon's situation I don't think I would have been able to ignore the obvious plea for help. I would have acknolodge that I wasnt in the right heads space at the moment "please wait a little later and see if I'm in a better mental space" I would then have her explain the whole 'being thing' maybe hearing and someone listen would help her recenter or adjust her self a bit better. Not to mention getting clarification on stuff from someone not out to get me.

Lmao The Distortion wanted a therapist I can't~

Did....did Helen always sound like a Michael-Basira lovechild before this episode or had I never noticed it before....

Listening to Helstortion (Helen & Distortion) trying to come to terms with what they have become made me a bit angry with Jon. They were trying to grasp the changes, and instead of listening, he lashed out in his own disgust for himself for his choices and changes. Change is difficult, and it's easy to slide to evil trying to do good.

I feel bad for Helen. It’s still like becoming more like the distortion but it’s still feeling human emotion like sadness or guilt I don’t know why I just feel bad for her. She’s still kind of human

Croatian listening here, dinner is called "vecera" - pronounced like "wetch her are"

jon this could've been a great partnership how dare you, poor helen ;;

My theory from this episode and what we know so far: I believe that was Salesa is talking about at the start of his statement is probably an incident where another assistant of Gertrude's got killed by the supernatural. As for Helen and the Spiral, I'm guessing the reason why the Spiral doesn't feel okay yet with Helen as its avatar is because the change of avatar from Michael to Helen was a necesity because Michael was no longer a proper fit because of his anger rather than the natural flow of things. Other than that, I think Michael was more "trustworthy" than Helen is, 'cause I feel like his clinginess to his anger is what made him more in contact with his human self and, since the Spiral didn't like that, that means it was something good for the humans and, specifically, John and the rest of the gang. While Helen is not like that, so she's more in contact with her Spiral side, thus she's more Spiral than she is Helen.

I love Distorted Helen. :D Better than old Helen. Monsters are now coming to Jon for therapy.

CLICK] ARCHIVIST Statement of Mikaele Salesa, regarding an antique meat grinder in his possession during the autumn of 1999. Original statement given January 4th 2007. Audio recording by Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London. Statement begins. ARCHIVIST (STATEMENT) So it’s another statement is it? Like I owe you something? Even though I warned you the handle might have splinters, that you should always be wearing gloves if you’re going to try firing it. And you knew where it was from, the signs of rage and violence to be watching for. So far, I don’t see how it’s my fault, and I don’t consider myself liable. That said, I don’t want you thinking I don’t appreciate you keeping it quiet. You all have been one of my most stable customers, and I’d hate to sour the business. So I suppose if it’s a statement you’re wanting… it’s no inconvenience to me. I don’t sleep well anyway. So what’s it going to be? Could go over what got me started in the business; that’s a story I haven’t told you yet. Though there’s less in the telling than you might expect. My first job was working with Jurgen Leitner, but I got out of that years before the man met his fate. Started looking for the exit about the time that I saw Warren get literally eaten by a book. And before you start cross-referencing, looking for some newly-birthed monster called Warren, I don’t mean eaten like that. It left behind the leg. Don’t know any transformations that leave behind your leg. So I gave Leitner my walking papers, and struck out on my own. I had no intention of following in his footsteps with the books, and when I began it was just normal, high-end antiques I was moving. Leitner’s client list, which I’d taken the liberty of copying, did me proud. The man had a knack for sniffing out moneyed fools with no sense of the value of things. Combine that with my own skill at evading a lot of the ‘legal entanglements’ the trade can get caught up in, and making money was not much of a challenge. Once or twice one of them would try to sell me a book, but when I learn a lesson, I learn it to my bones. After a while, some of those familiar with Leitner and his library approached me with some of the more… unusual items they had locked away. The sort of thing they’d have sold to him if they’d been bound in paper, rather than ceramic or wood. I didn’t want anything to do with them, not to begin with, but you’ve seen for yourself that the artefacts are not so volatile as the books, and they fetch a pretty penny, so eventually I started dealing in them as well. So there’s that. But I don’t think that’s the sort of statement you’re after is it? No. You want something a little ghoulish. Something to stick your teeth into. Fine. I’ve got one. You see, in this game there are a few rules it’s a good idea to keep to if you’re looking to stay alive. One of mine, is that only I take stock of the merchandise. You want to know how I came by this rule? I know you do. So there was a man worked on my ship. Let’s call him ‘Cook’. Not his real name of course, but real enough for this and, thinking about it, it’s unlikely he signed up with his real name anyway. Now, Cook, his main job was what you’d expect: working in the galley to keep my small crew fed. But on a ship like that, all of you pitch in all of the time, even me, and cooking a few meals a day doesn’t stop you having other duties. And one of those duties was checking on the cargo, making sure none of the breakables had managed to, wel , break. Any other crew I’d have been worried about theft, but I’d been with most of these for two or three years, so there was plenty of trust there. This must have been some time in September, back in ‘99, and for most of the journey Cook had been checking on the merchandise with no problem at all. But on the last week or so of that voyage, he’d been taking longer and longer, and it was starting to affect meal times, and so on one of those occasions I made my way down to check on him. And, of course, I found him staring into one of the boxes. The item in question that we were transporting for sale was an old antique meat grinder. The sort with a heavy vice you clamp on the table, and a nice big crank for twisting the screw, push the meat from the funnel along and into the mincer. It was a rusty old thing, all heavy iron and brand names worn away to nothing. If it wasn’t for the fact that it was near two hundred years old it would have been more valuable as scrap. Even with the age I wasn’t confident we could shift it. Without looking at my records, I couldn’t tell you where I picked it up, and I’m sure it wasn’t pointed out to me as one of the weirder items. No warnings or nothing like that. But Cook, he couldn’t get enough of it. He was staring at the thing, a look of longing in his eyes. With another decade under my belt, I now know how stupid my next action was, but I used to consider myself someone who looks after my crew, and Cook seemed real taken with the thing. I honestly wasn’t sure how well it was going to sell anyway, so I named a fair price and offered to take it out of his wages if he wanted to claim the grinder for his own. He said yes immediately, and was mighty thankful of my generosity. He grabbed the thing like it weighed nothing at all, which was the first clue I took proper notice of, and sprinted off to make lunch. That night dinner was hamburgers. I made a joke to Cook about him getting good use out of the meat grinder already, and he laughed, told me it was from frozen, but looking back now I don’t think he laughed as long or as hard as I might have liked. The meat was good, juicy, and honestly it didn’t taste as if it had been frozen at all. The sausages the next night were the same. Cook was different as well. Whenever I passed him I got a little bit of a smell. Like a raw steak just hitting the grill. Not an unpleasant smell, not at all, but certainly one I’d never noticed on him before. Occasionally, if he was wearing white, I could see small spots or smears of blood just at the edges. It might have been his own, working on a ship you get your share of cuts, but after a couple of days it became a little bit on the… unnerving side. He smiled more as well, and I’m not sure, but I feel like that might have been the thing that tipped me off the most that something was up with him. He’d never been the sort to… smile. The meaty dinners kept coming, and I began to wonder a bit about where he was getting it all. I talked to Leigh about it, who generally deals with supplies and acts as a sort of quartermaster, and she told me she’d definitely stocked up on plenty of canned and frozen meats for Cook before we set out, though only he’d been keeping track of what we actually had left. But it wasn’t that I thought he didn’t have the meat available, it’s that I just didn’t know how he seemed to make it all taste so fresh. By that point I was pretty much convinced that whatever was going on with Cook was outside the area of the natural, and that usually traced back to one of the items I was carrying for sale. The fact that I’d just given something to Cook, well it tracked too closely for me to not come to some… obvious conclusions. I started to avoid eating the meat I was served, kept my feeding to the small portion of vegetables that he’d add to the side, more a garnish than anything else. It didn’t escape my notice that Cook was also hiding increasing amounts of his arm inside his coat when he spoke to me. First fingers, then the hand, then final y he kept the whole forearm tucked under his jacket so I couldn’t get a decent look. When I thought about it I’d get visions of Cook slowly reaching in, cranking the handle wildly with the other arm, while he pushed his skin and flesh into the whirring iron, mouth open and smiling, as it began to come through the mincer grate like a string of meaty bubbles. It made me feel ill, but I just couldn’t get it out of my head.

I'm loving the distortion they're amazing

jon is helens unwilling therapist I love it. He was kinda mean to her but I can't really blame him

At the word "meatgrinder" i got up to make some tea. This is going to be horrifying, isn't it? Edit: Yuuuuuup! Also, Helen!

When u realise youre never gonna hear micheal again-

You learn things to your bones👀 .... Interesting word choice sir

I think Jon should’ve let Helen talk. She seemed alright-what she was describing felt like guilt… I don’t think she meant harm, in fact she was probably telling the truth. But I understand why Jon wouldn’t want to be in her presence or sympathise with her, I guess. Maybe I’m just reaching for any proper alliance to another entity in the hopes that it might serve Jon well if everything goes wrong with the Unknowing…

I feel like Jon should at least feel like he has an ally with Helen. Enemy of my enemy and all that.

I find it genuinely interesting the this "Hellin" doesn't enjoy what they are doing, unlike "Mighcle" did. I feel like this isn't the last of "Hellin" and I sure do hope that they team up in the future.

Ya know, maybe I'm just weird, but I think this is the first statement dealing with The Flesh that doesn't make me lose my appetite. In fact, the anomalous meat sounds kinda appetizing :D

I wonder if The Spiral is supposed to be fear of madness and distortion of human mind, and the fears are able to adapt, than Helen may be somehow reflection of depression

Okay, completely get Jon's reaction here, I do, howeVER- JON COME ON DUDE TRY NOT TO MAKE ENIMES WHERE YOU COULD HAVE ALLIES (ish), JUST HAVE HER MAKE A STATEMENT AND LIKE, NOD IN AND UNDERSTANDING WAY OR SOMETHING. INFLUENCE HER TO BE GOOD (ish), COME ON

I miss "Michael " : /

Jon, every time he reads a horrific story about the consumption of human meat and the cruelness of slaughter houses: Damn that's fucked up, but everything is fucked up, so I'm gonna a hamburger✌

no one: me: *reads all the comments before the episode even begins*

once again my live captions are a mess. thought "deus ex machina" was "sex mangus"

the original statement was given on my birthday :o!

"I saw me y freind Warren get literally eaten by a book. And before you cross refence to find a monster named warren, I don't mean eaten like that" Me: WAIT WHAT- "There was just a leg left" Me: oh ok good, that is way better than what I was thinking

Damn poor Helen ... I feel bad for her cant believe it

Jon: Do I miss being chased? Apologies, Jon, but it's the opposite.

Helen does not deserve to go through this madness

It’s missing micheal hours :(

* sad door noises *

Dude justice for Helen

as a vegetarian, i dont think watching this while eating was a good idea lol. i dont usually mind this type of stories, but hearing this during dinner was... an experience

poor Helen :(((

Helen!!! 😫 *grabby hands*

No, Jon! Don't be mean to Distortion!Helen

I don’t think rejecting a monster going through puberty was the wisest choice jon could have made.

Poor Helen Distortion... I hope she feels better in her new Self soon. I hope she-they can become almost-friends with Jon :)

I know Jon has a lot going on right now, but that includes grappling with the fact that he's changing, and questioning his own humanity. Helen was doing the same! It should have at least piqued his interest that her transformation may be an unprecedented monster to human one! Idk Jon there's something important there.

This statement reminds me of the episode of Dollhouse "The Attic" with the man who "had to enjoy himself"

Spoilers for Season Five: I want them to get Salesa's voice actor, Ray Chong Nee, to read this statement in character

Another reference to people who give statements having nightmares afterwards.... Wonder what that's all about

ngl, the image of the meat grinder lowkey looks cool in my head.

"It's not like he was paying me in installments" omg i've never heard such a bonechilling line omg omg omg

It’s gotten pretty obvious which fear is the monster of the week for each episode. I wonder what ever happened to that priest, maybe he was an avatar for the flesh… Or possibly something darker, that demon seemed powerful

I feel really sorry for "Helen" to be honest

Jon when faced with orsinov: for fucks sake not another murder get in line Jon whenever someone knocks on the door: fuck is the spider finally back to take me oh never mind its just another demon that's door related. If I had a nickle-

why do i eat breakfast during these

Don’t be mean to Distortion!Helen!!!

Helen! I love her so much!