Yes, that works almost always.

Yes. "Judge a man not by how he treats his equals but by how he treats his inferiors.”

Brilliant!

Undercover boss

Can we please just have the conversation WITHOUT THE MUSIC

what if the janitor's a nob? Just because somebody has a low-paying job does not mean they're worth engaging with. That janitor may not really have anything to impart. It comes down to shared interests and communication skills.

What if the CEO is a nob?

clearly it doesn't then apply to nobs, nob.@@byanymeansnecessary398

Really bad take. Treating a person with respect has nothing to do with communication skills and shared interests. ​@@byanymeansnecessary398

❤❤❤

Follow up on that negative vibe just to be sure! Couple of questions could reveal it is perfectly normal. Or not. People could seem really nervous if they are in a hurry or because their dog is sick or whatever. Bad vibe is just a gut feel and often times it is wrong. We only remember it when it is right.

@@erwinlommer197 I'm in my sixties. I follow my gut feeling. I have often been correct in picking up on the negativity of others. Also as a gay man i have experienced hostility from straight people. I learnt at a young age to be very wary. I know what I'm talking about. I keep very much to myself.

@@debra1109 Thank you Debra. That's what I do now. I'm not interested in people's issues and troubles anymore.

@@debra1109 I can trust a person but i have to know them well before i do. I always go with my gut feeling, or intuition. If I don't feel comfortable then i make a quick choice not to associate with them.

​@@carltwidle9046 You're dead right Carl, why bother with people that give you a bad vibe anyway, I am happy doing my own thing so it's nice to interact with people and all that but like you if I get a gut feeling, I trust it, not invested enough to give them a chance, life is too short anyway

Well sometimes what you see is what you get and sometimes people wear an elaborate mask, but i think he's saying when people display a trait with greater than usual emphasis, like hyper masculinity, they're compensating for the fact that they feel the opposite. He's brilliant.

Watch what they do and not what they say. Gather repeated evidence. See how they cope under various sources of stress.

are you can just wait till they have gained your trust and see if there behaviour changes!

Not nobody… self-actualized people show you who they truly are. Once you know yourself, you are free to show that self openly.

People can be like human onions they have layers and it takes time to peel all of them before you can get a truly rounded idea of who somebody is on a deeper level. I loved the movie American beauty it showcases this point brilliantly.

Good advice.

👌

Amen. God upholds all of us. I still have to learn to talk or keep conversation with other's

Great comment- I love music too!☺️

Bless ❤

I love you! Thank you for your comment💚

Well said ! I almost lost it yesterday while waiting at the dentist b/c I had to make it back to work by a certain time. But overall it wasn’t that big a deal. Looking back

1 and 2, he was great, then number 3 he lied about almost everything and become psycho

Adaptable always? Getting along with everyone? Think pls what you are saying is literally anti character in many ways

​@@lakshyavarshney9942 how you misinterpret a statement right in front of you is baffling

@@michael7144 no like but still

@@lakshyavarshney9942 I understand you, but you misrepresented what's written, that's called a strawman argument

I would actually counter that, and say at times some people's actions are counter to their real character - many people do things for non- altruistic reasons, because they want to LOOK good/ benevolent. I have know many people who play the benevolent saintly figure, but don't care at all about others.

Good deeds don’t always mean a genuinely good person. It’s called performative empathy…they will do nice things for others, buy everything,etc. etc. but can go home and be very abusive to their partner…when no one is around. It’s how they keep a certain admirable image up for their manipulation bank…how can I be this bad person look at all these nice things I do…very tricky smiling liars. A character of a person is shown often times in stressful, vulnerable moments.

@@loveorabove5106 100% 👍👏

I agree. Some people are pathological liars, fake actors, wannabe saints. We can see people real face behind close door and when shit is about to happen.

@@graceb3934 good observation

Happened to me through the last 2 years, thankfully dodged the bullet when I opened clear and honest communication to discuss compatibility. She showed her true colors and confirmed the red flags. I'm truly happy to have finally seen the full truth and reality of the person.

You could look at that another way, i was abused for many years then had my daughter and she just lives life and is quite a toughy lol and thats because i taught her to be strong, independent etc NOT because she was abused. Fortunatly i broke the cycle

I can recognize a sexually abused man or a man that is a predator. I can sense when someone is ill.

Easier said than done for all of us

this, is the way. world is full of pussy already we need people who how to lead the way.@@rumbarumba1, seemns deelynn8611 is to soft in mho...crybaby's if you know what i m ean with not being offensive.

How is your relationship with men?

Chinese literature says there are three types of good friends. 1. high morality 2. Kindness, forgiving 3. Knowledgeable. I usually remember them as Gryffindors, Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws 😂

@@cdorothy444 Which one is your favorite?

@@thomasandersen9310 I like Gryffindors :P

very articulant comment. i agree 100%

So true..

well said

Haha! This is sooooo true.. I condemn if I care about someone.. but then I noticed that people will spread gossip about you as a result, just because you figured them out - like you care. LOL and funny thing is, they are actually doing you an unpaid service with excellent results - out of all those people, you'll know who you should keep .. Just my 2 cents, people change and some of them deserves another chance.. Always remind yourself not to hold grudges.. the way I'm doing it is by visualising that someday I'll be having another drink with that person, when things turn out okay and we understand each other better.. Best of luck everyone! This is freakin tiring but exciting - P.S. you must learn how to read people if you are an empath..

100% true

Real sh*

B. G r a ha m was 3 3 rd m ay son….a Say ta nist!

Sounds like a narcissist

@@marietgagliardi Yes, truly was. A stalker as well.

The more you can accept that people will do that and not be immediately reactive, the more power you have in choosing a response, if you choose to grant them the energy of a response at all.

SAY THAT!

Amen ❤

​@@wearewon how

Yet you have don't both those things many times because you are human. Don't be pretend to be so righteous....nobody with half a brain buys it

The way you see the world and other people is a reflection of yourself. It's not them It's you. Learn to love and accept yourself and you will manifest into being interested in others. Not everyone but some. Everyone has likable qualities. Try to see what you like instead of being quick to find what you don't like.

Welcome,when someone shows that they are bad.Take them like that,no body pretends to be bad.

"Pay attention to what people do, not what people say" - Someone smarterer than me, probably

@@fatimaiyeabdullahi1346 of course they do! Its a defence mechanism as much as anything. People with lots of trauma unresolved put on a tough exterior (even pretending to be bad) to keep people at a distance. Things run on a spectrum, they are not black & white.

@@kristianjensen5877 I love this comment! I love it when people give others credit for being smart. This is the seed of wisdom!

Unfortunately yes. But I have come to realize recently that our gut already tells us all we need to know, really. We just stick around for confirmation of what we already intuitively know.

Yeh our gut is know as the second brain, the brain sends messeges to the gut when something doesn't feel right not in all cases but most 😊

I don't judge people by their actions. We often do things that we regret and wish we hadn't done.

Mesmerizing analysis

Actions speak louder than words. Anybody can say anything no matter how false it is. Actions are absolute

That is probably just jealousy from others trying to tear you down. People don’t like to see others achieve what they would like to achieve, but believe that they can’t, so don’t try, too lazy etc

@@MrPistolpete1234 I knew I couldn't fit in the Gang. I didn't try I hoped they would respect my work ethic Hoped and knew the clock was ticking They were going to rip me to scraps I lost they won

@@kimsherlock8969 so sorry to hear. Did you quit your job?

@@totochanel2251 No they won I held on to the last I lost. I learned that no work is worth One's mental health. I should have left but had pressure to pay bills.

​@@kimsherlock8969 happened to me too,,,

Time i need is also two years, i undesrtood that when i was a teenager and ten years later i still stand by it:i need two years

Oh yeah my own brother of decades, whom I made lunch and dinner for, sold me out.

Absolutely. Thank you. I'm amazed that any grown up adult actually espouses these things he's lecturing about. To be completely honest most people are dishonest and completely suck.

You cannot be more right here! Lol I’m just realizing my parents pushed this notion of striving to be nice and get along with everyone. But everyone isn’t a good person and some will look to weaponize your open friendliness. I’ve been consciously UNlearning my parents well intentioned messaging. It’s been a load off and helps me set better boundaries.

​@seensay2132 I like what you said. I'm the kind of person who tries to find common ground with people and just generally get along with everyone. How do you set boundaries?

@@byanymeansnecessary398 decide what your values are and first be mindful of those (family, associates, peers, neighbors, colleagues, coworkers) who DON’T share your values - in action (some will claim to, in words only). Next, learn to trust your first instinct about people and motives. Your gut will tell you 100% of the time when a person or circumstance doesn’t feel right. Third, be on guard for people with ulterior motives or hidden agendas. I’ve had people who picked up on my genuine nature, good vibes and it’s almost as if scheming, manipulative, deceitful and yes, narcissistic people can smell me coming and immediately craft an angle of how friendship/association with me can best serve them: Big favors, inappropriate asks, the mark in their web of lies to manipulate others. It took me a while into adulthood to recognize patterns in people and circumstances. When I did the work to reflect and get to the root of why I kept attracting people like this, I came to Two hard conclusions: being friendly and coming off cordial is a form of people pleasing IF**** you don’t consistently stand your ground with people (saying A bold NO and often). And two, that it was my parents who instilled the concept of seeing “the good” in people as a virtue for being cooperative. Problem is things like trust & respect should be actively earned and the only way to achieve that is being assertive to set boundaries. Not passive putting help and the wants/needs of others before your own.

You’re misunderstanding it think more critically the guys not stupid he knows you’re not supposed to get along with everyone but internalizing that way of life and looking at everyone in the negative way you do will in turn make you a more negative person. You can let go of your judgements of people but still realize people can be evil

Facts!

Smartest thing I have heard. Be present. Stop focusing on others . Focus purely on being better than you were yesterday. All people have issues so be determined and fix yourself

Spot on

Ha! No shit, defensiveness tends to come from some emotional trauma or wound. I recognize in myself, and frankly I've got to let it go. Everything you fear makes the world that much smaller.

@@billyin4c514 Yes, that's right, being defensive or aggressive doesn't serve us well either. I think the best approach is to be assertive. It takes practice, but it gets you where you want in life 😉

@laviniaasofiei9054 Thank you for this wonderful perspective, it seems to make alot of sense.

My rule with abusers is if family love from afar with extreme boundaries. If not family no contact.

@All about Narcissism Maybe it's both, my guess is that their desires and sense of power are a distorted coping mechanism to feel powerful from having felt powerless and hurt in the past. I am in no way excusing it but I think those things are connected.

It gets trickier, because "trouble" isn't necessarily "toxic." The sweetest person you ever met could have no spine when you really them to be a stand-up guy, for instance. The person we care about who keeps repeating patterns can drain us. We feel their pain and put up them (eventually becoming a pain in the butt with those late night tearful phone calls again), and yet, nothing changes. These 2 examples are about perfectly "good people" - nice people who otherwise wouldn't seem to be trouble...but they are. Being aware of who is trouble before they become your problem means using discernment based on a few key traits...or even just one...that can undermine you in the worst ways possible, right when you need/count on them the most.

Frigging stroke affected his voice :/

I've listened to people who say the only way you can know the true nature of people is by living with them.

First impressions never betrayed what eventually transpired of a person, long after my interaction with them overwrote that original impression

Yes, give me a 'rough diamond' any day.

Yep

Exactly. Silent, soft spoken types are 🚩 There might be a few of genuine nature. But most I believe are simply hiding a side of themselves they don’t want others to know

Yes just like carl gustave jung said knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darkness of other people

i dont understand

That doesn’t make any sense. Women misjudge people precisely because they put themselves in other people’s shoes and try to find out why someone did what they did. In actual reality you can’t actually understand why someone did what they did because people are very different. People can have various underlying motives for doing the things they do so its a futile effort, more importantly a lot of people dont think before they act or in case of narcissism they don’t even themselves know why they are doing certain things, so robert is right in the way, rather than trying to understand why someone is doing something, try to figure out their pattern of behaviour that reveals who they are. Most importantly when you put yourself in someone’s shoes you cant get an accurate image of why someone did what they did because it will be based off of your own projection and not reality. If someone is good they think the world is good, similarly if someone is bad they believe that everyone is bad. We see people through our own lenses which is the primary reason we misjudge people in the first place.

I always think of others first, then myself.. is this codependency or people pleasing or just being my kind self? I pray for the world everyday & want the best for my neighbors (those around us) AS Well as Myself 😄🤗 I pray for Ukraine & Russia to stop the Genocide & destruction & (world leaders) to have compassionate hearts & change their ways.. REPENTANCE My grandmother prayed for world peace everyday and I encourage everyone to do the same. Be considerate of those around us and be helpful and kind. Btw.. My belief is, ( JESUS IS THE WAY THE TRUTH & OUR SALVATION, whosoever may believe in him& his resurrection, will have Everlasting life in Spirit in Heaven . ) ( I MUST declare this, as my testimony) Best Regards, 3D

The money usually follows doing the right thing, in my experience. Do the right thing; the money will follow.

@@12dd4ds9 Not always; most billionaires aside from say, Warren Buffet or Mike Illitch, have some sociopathic tendencies. "Do good and you'll do well" is a good rule to live by but it is riddled with exceptions

@@user-vl2zh6bj6x Labels don’t tell me diddly squat about someone’s character

And remember some people will, some people won’t.

What sort of doubts do you have?

@@byanymeansnecessary398 can u help people overcome doubts

you are sheep - he is your shepherd - that is why jews call you goyim

He helps me so much...

School Prefect you are! Jobsworth. Nobody's perfect. That's the problem with society, so quick to cancel and point fingers. BLIND GUIDES! We are so undeserving of what Jesus did for us on that cross. But he did it and he paid the ultimate price to save us. Stop pointing fingers and look inside yourself and see what you can do to guide them to the truth that IS Jesus Christ. Amen

how does humor relate to this?

@@danielhalper8389 humor helps me understand people's insecurities and mental flexibility. I can tell how uptight some one is

These books also help you see other people who use power ect and then avoid them and their traps.

Does one ever get to that point? I might relax from reading about certain issues (like power), maybe take a break from reading completely, but not for long. Something comes up and I'm reading about something else (like homelessness) and off I go again. (Habitat for Humanity anyone?) (lol)

You'll always be a dummy Sam. If you reach a comfort level, you're not really living.

This how I talk in my head as well

yeah this is what works for me. We all have judgements we make on sight, we often HEAR things second hand before meeting the person first hand. It's important not to let others judgements affect yours, because we all have different values and priorities. The reason you dislike something may be valid for you, but not for me.

@@michaelhowington4205 I trust no one and I don't know why and It has helped me a lot. for me Not trusting is same as not accepting anything received until analysed from every angle possible.

@@michaelhowington4205 no one said trust. Be open minded and then judge for yourself whether the person is worthy of your trust

Yes but still we can't be open about everything

One of the most deceptive is the person who feels "stubborn" is a good quality. They wear it like a badge of character, when in fact, it means they have closed their minds and are actually weak-willed, disguising it as strength of character by being stubborn. It gets tricky but these folks can be sussed-out when you know what to look for! (hence, my Dumbass book) 😉😉

@@RattledAwakeBooks what is your book

@@Samanthax1221 hilarious podcast + book "How to Deal with a Dumbass" - see channel banner for links

I’ve scrolled through a good chunk of comments, but I gotta say I like yours the best! Really insightful and clear, especially when applied to my own personal experiences with certain people and understanding myself a little better. What I like most about it is your breakdown of personality vs character and the many examples you used that I was able to interpret with much clarity and self curiosity. It seems that I am not just facing a personality clash (as previously thought) with certain people, but rather a deeper clash of opposing characters due to differing personal values/morals/ethics systems that are both subjective and distinct to each of us. Character I find is mostly fixed (unless you’re persistent with the tediousness of self alteration) but I’ve come to now realise most people simply aren’t motivated enough to do the work that is challenging & reassessing your own internal belief systems/frame of thinking, unless it’s seriously negatively affecting themselves in some way. They are not aware of an issue or even incentivised to act on amendments for the sake of others. It is far easier to accept your own subjective facts at face value, that you are inherently “right” and someone else is “wrong” or “bad” than to engage in the critical self reflection or introspection needed to cultivate necessary change for the better, not only yourself internally but in affect those around you who would benefit collectively from a genuine application of effort. A fragile or inflated ego is definitely to blame for some resistance to delve into yourself and ask/answer the tough questions, so wilful ignorance or delusion seems much more appealing to the eye than confronting your insecurities, inaccuracies or shortcomings. Self integrity, radical acceptance, empathy, willingness to learn, genuine authenticity & honesty are some of the things that have kept me persevering through darkness without light. It’s really comforting to know that I am strong of character by definition, I will be using careful discernment when presented with generally bad, self serving and exploitative characters in future. I’ve paid the price for the awareness I have and am building but I am grateful for every experience good or bad, taking it in as an opportunity to learn and grow

-Maya Angelou

And business leaders!

I will disagree a bit. I consciously hide my vulnerable side and it's not because I'm trying to manipulate anyone it's only because it's never served me well. When I've shown people my vulnerable side people seem to take that for granted and don't appreciate that I've shown them or given them the opportunity to see the real me. That was when I had strong problems with boundaries. I'm very selective now and I only show that side every now and and then to people who I feel I can trust. Most people THINK they really want to know someone, but that's not true. They only want to see from you what they prefer they'd like someone to be.

@@leemythic4400 thnx 4 Ur incredible insight! It helped me recalibrate my understanding. Very reasonable and logical position. I love being able 2 participate in a dialogue and elevate above my own ignorance.

@@nesrasiti thank you for understanding and I also appreciate your point of view. I understand it's true that some people operate from a subconscious level. I just think it's possible some people don't and thats what I think people sometimes misunderstand. I think 🤔

@@leemythic4400 some people do "unconsciously" hide their vulnerable side too. I am not saying that what you are saying is untrue, but I personally am incapable of being properly vulnerable with someone unless I am at the end of my rope, and it is frustrating that this unconscious block exists. It has negatively impacted my relationships with people to a significant degree, and I think is at the root cause of both of my significant relationships failing. I am trying to figure myself out and conquer these tendencies, but it is difficult.

He said if someone is overly a certain way. Like excessively loud or aggressive, or overly sexual..

​@Mol My thing is that a person can just be that way depending on the situation they're in and the people that they are around. It feels like everyone in this part of YT thinks that every person can be a Saint in every situation, and that's just not realistic. If people are constantly testing you, do you just stay friendly? That's not realistic.

Right on!

Shhhhh, if they hear this, they're gonna ostracize you from their cabal of super understanding wonderful people.

May we find forgiveness in abundance.