It is hurting like hell, i cant believe i allowed this happen to me, so much suffering and humiliation, thank you for sharing

You are most likely trauma bonded. This will be harder than kicking heroin. You will never get closure or answers. Take care of yourself and start the journey. It is SO painful it can’t be put in words. Don’t take anything they say seriously, everything is a reflection on their shallow self.

I am now 6 months post my discard. One thing I noticed that brought me back to the old me, was that the discard has been a very huge attack against my soul and my ego. I have loved this person so much with what I could have squeezed out of my own heart and I put away so much of my ego to make hers happy. The discard caused my ego to go wild, causing me to cycle through constant emotions of shame, regret and wishing that I haven't started setting boundaries. Wishing to go back to where we were a fake happy family however still got to see my kids. I hope everyone that reads this comment really think about what I type below: There are two voices in your body, the voice of your head (your ego, your story) and your soul. If you sit idly for a while, you can feel that you can stop the voice in your head and now your voice comes from somewhere else, your heart. Listen to that voice and listen hard. It's the child inside you that has been neglected for ages. Keep listening to it so hard and feel the pain that your soul felt post the discard. This pain will make you stronger and realize how much you've sacrificed for this individual. This individual that understood you completely but acted completely oblivious to your pain and weaponized it.

Trust me it is good new like you said at the beginning. It like a wise person once said: When someone toxic stops talking to you it’s like the trash took itself out.” 🗑👋

Go running every time you feel anxiety. You will be REALLY fit.

I feel that when a narcissist discards you, their kinda doing you a favor.

Fortunately for me I kept a journal throughout my 2 year relationship with a covert narcissistic female. The abuse began to reach a level I could no longer tolerate at about the same time I was researching narcissism in relationships. Angry as hell, I told her that I knew who she really was, cursed her out and threw her out of my house. Ironically, I felt lost afterward but applied the NO CONTACT strategy. To get myself through the next year and a half I took a second job that kept me very busy, but also had me interacting with many people in a very fun environment. The extra money helped me take a vacation to Scotland, but more than anything I learned to be content with my life and realized I did not need to be "with someone" in order to be happy.

10 months no contact. He has reached out four times. Each time I have been so tempted! I keep reminding myself how painful the inevitable discard is. I keep reminding myself how he goes back and forth with me as he plays games and squeezes the pain from me. It’s emotionally traumatic and I keep reminding myself there is hope for a better relationship.

Here’s a tip that is helping me a lot. It may sound silly but... send voice messages to yourself when you’re feeling sad/crying/humiliated/angry and as time goes by, listen to yourself (I use WhatsApp) Never forget those feelings, even when the narcissist is hovering or love bombing

6 mths No Contact. So peaceful. Its like u go thru Levels... I'm good now. Blocked 🚫 on everything. Changed my number n i feel so at Peace. I sleep better n eat better now. I love me. Thank u for this video.

Your quote of "build a life that is so good that you would never *dream* of going back to the narcissist" is probably the most profound piece of wisdom I've come across in a long time. Those words will become my mantra. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Christina.

If you lived with the narcissist like I did, try resetting your atmosphere after the discard! Get rid of or replace anything in your home that reminds you of them. Take it on as a project. It’s helped me 🙂

I lived at the gym...I had to process the rage of all of the betrayal I was clueless about...also I didn’t self sabotage with addictions...I wanted so much to eat junk food but I gave myself one day a week and that helped to stay in my power❤️

I left him this time because I finally accepted he is a narcissist and I was tired of how he was abusing me and treating me like crap. But everyday is a different flood of emotions.

It's been six years and I am stronger and better for the discard. I thank the universe daily for this. I know it feels terrifying, but you can do this, I promise you.

Amazingly, my life literally changed for the better the second my narc ex broke up with me. It was almost like a relief. That's when I knew I needed to stay as far away from him as possible.

I fell into depression after the 3rd, final discard. Lost almost 20 kg in 9 months. There was a moment of awakening when one day I looked in a huge mirror at my workplace and I realized what was going on: I seemed to myself like a tramp in clothes 3 sizes bigger than I actually was. It was about this time that a friend of mine introduced me EFT (tapping) that helped me a lot. My "retail therapy" turned out to be an amazing way too to reinvent myself. I started to watch youtube videos about psychology and slowly but surely discovered things about narcissistic behavior. Everything started to make sense! I didn't even knew before expressions like discard, flying monkeys, triangulation, narcissistic rage etc. Also understood my attachment style and issues coming from my childhood. I keep learning about psychology and how to gain self confidence. So for me deliberate, cognitive understandig, self care, reaching out to friends and therapy was the way. We all deserve respect and being valued!!! ❤

I have learned to not care what the narcissist or his friends think, i know what happened and i will hold onto my truth. I finally made some goals and i will stick to them. To make healing about myself instead of caring to show the narc that im doing better without him. To make myself necessary dr appointments. To do my hair or paint my nails because I enjoy the way it makes me feel. To slow down in life and take things at my speed instead of others speed. To be blunt with my thoughts and if that makes others leave then that's fine cuz i stand up for me. To not care what others think about me cuz i am 100% ok with who i am and dont need people to validate me cuz i validate myself.

You didn't talk about the body cravings. I miss his touch, and nobody else compares. That addiction is real.

I recently discovered to my shock and horror that my current roller coaster relationship is with a cerebral narc, like dating a cold cruel rock vs a warm nurturing man. OMG! I realized I’m a CO dependant and the attraction pattern 😱 it’s quite the whammy but this revelation is a blessing cause I Finally know wtf is going on and how to break this cycle forever 😅

Wish I saw this 20+ years ago. I couldn't eat for 9 months after the discard. I felt like it was my fault, even though it was for the best. Writing and writing music helped me, and I realized I needed to start over with new friends (who weren't mutual). My husband is the opposite of the narc, and I learned about healthy relationships and boundaries. Found out my ex had a brutal divorce (married a year after we broke up). Living well is the best revenge, focus on healing yourself.

Repeat these words over and over and over: I'M FREE AND I CAN FINALLY RETURN TO MY AUTHENTIC SELF!!!!!! This is very important. It is a known fact that happiness can not exist when we lose our authenticity. Anyone who has been with a bonafide NARC understands profoundly that being authentic is simply not an option when partnered with a narcissist.

Burn every bridge possible!!! And run.

I’m currently going through discarding my narcissistic husband. I’m the one who wants out of this relationship. I’ve been through the worse rollercoaster ride of my life, and I’m done with it. If it weren’t my spirituality and faith in Jesus, I could not have survived. I thank God for his grace, guidance and refuge in my time of desperate need. I’m just so relieved I’m finally moving on with my life and going to live in another state with my son. Thank goodness we have no ties. Thank you for this wonderful video. It has given me courage to do what I need to do for myself and the people I love who care about me. ♥️✝️🙏

I find affirmations really help like: 1) Some people will only love you if you fit into their box. Don’t be afraid to disappoint. 2) You be you - unapologetically. 3) Do you thing. I post these all over my office.

It’s insane that I’m going through this and reading that everyone else has been through the same like how . It’s so weird to me. How was he able to lie every single day and the whole time I was being manipulated and I had no clue. And he was my best friend. How did he just not care how does he not even care that in hurting so hard right now

It’s been one year since she left me. I’ve been trying so hard to heal myself and move on with my life, but this pain is so deep and my heart is so broken. I loved her so much!! 💔

After 14 years of manipulation and emotional abuse the realisation dawned on me of who I’d actually married. I disconnected emotionally from him and he took it to a whole new level! I made the break and refuse to look back. The thought of being alone scared the hell out of me but after just 10 days my anxiety had eased considerably. Onwards and upwards!! We are stronger than they think 💪 xx

It's hard to see how many of us went through this... these people are evil, its demonic, there's nothing good about these horrors. I can relate with the pain of the trauma bond, the one I was with was also very abusive and unrelenting, manipulative... it's best to not open yourself up to them again, you genuinely will regret it. I went through this way too often in the relationship and even after. When you see him, you wouldn't even say. Friends and family couldnt believe all the things hes done and said to me... you feel so isolated and alone because it's hard to fathom that one person would say they love you and put you through so much. Its irreconcilable. Love yourself, do your best for yourself even when it's hard... just keep moving in the same direction... until the clouds fade and the sun shines, keep your environment toxic free as well, any toxicity will derail and frustrate you. When you identify it, kick it out... and don't look back. It's hard, its excruciating, its irreconcilable, and it has happened.... you cant change that, but you can change the future. I read this quote once from someone, "when you are discouraged that trauma changes your brain, remember that healing changes your brain too". It felt like water to thirsty ground... Let's keep hoping together and moving forward. We are not victims, we are survivors, and we can thrive.

Comming to the realization that the father of my children is a narcissistic is the most eye opening and painful thing I've ever gone through. The cycle of discard and lovebombing is devastating. I honestly thought I loved him, but im starting to think I just loved that he wanted me because I already have abandonment issues from childhood. I was discarded a week ago, moved into into my kids room for the 6th time, he started the lovebombing, but I refused it so he got ugly again today. I will love myself more than I love him and stay away this time for good. He said he's happier without me anyways.

They have GIGANTIC EGOS to cover all of that insecurity...

I'm only 7 days into complete no contact. But even when I have been doing things that I enjoy, I still find myself rehashing everything. I have joined a support group and you have a decent support system outside of that. One day at a time

I made a mistake when I talked to my narc ex parents, sister and friends about how she treated me during our “relationship”. Didn’t know what flying monkeys meant at that time. Now they believe her and I am labeled the strange guy with issues. Best to grey rock since we have son together, don’t wish her bad karma since this is bad energy and just move on with my life...

one thing that helped me recover after finally cutting off contact with my father was putting the effort and energy i normally put into dealing with my father into my healthier relationships with people who give in return what i give them. it no longer felt like i had to sacrifice parts of myself to have love. even if you dont know anyone you can do that with now i PROMISE you there is someone out there who you can. it doesnt have to be romantic or sexual it can just be a friend. the best thing is experiencing true, unconditional love after having to survive with a narcissist for the majority of your life. most of what kept me complacent with my treatment was not knowing that it could be different in the first place. narcissists will convince you that they are the only ones that can love you because you are unworthy of love otherwise but that cannot be more untrue. I need you to hear this. your narcissist does not love you. they love that you love them.

No contact, counselling was very important and sharing my experience with trusted family and friends who were supportive. Life gets better, but its important to understand codependency and red flags in order to move forward and learn the lesson to prevent repeating the same pattern ❤ You are going to be ok and if you can truly learn from this experience it may even become a blessing in that you will recognise how to ensure your needs are met/improve your self care capacity. Good luck xx

First step leave..second step ,where do I go and how do I pay for it? P.s. they leave you broke! Then the work you have to do ,the deals you have to make for a safe place (SUCKS)..your family and friends won't help because you left 4 times before! Your limit of help is low! Then you deal with the rumors he stats that ain't true! Then you realize your being spied on..family and friends tell him stuff that isn't even true..your alone...your tired...your scared he will find you and kill you...God has a plan ! Just keep going! Don't go back!

My ex clearly hurt me but she won’t say sorry because saying sorry would mean having to open up to feelings of shame and shame fucking sucks. So she disowns it. It’s easier to sweep those feelings under the rug and feel self righteous indignation and outrage at this other person because it blunts you away from the fact that you lost someone both good and bad. I think No Contact is a double edged sword. It gives the discarded people a chance to genuinely heal but it also gives narcs a reason to never have to open up to their emotions and take responsibility for their actions. And sometimes (like me) you might not realise they were a narcissistic until you’ve already been emotionally abused and discarded and gone through the pain of being no contacted on while you’re confused about exactly what you’ve done to deserve it.

Meditation luvs. Whenever you feel the negative emotions, anxiety, pain, hurt, sadness, anything. Allow yourself to feel them, don’t fight it and listen to a guided meditation. You deserve to put all that love back into yourself. Namaste my loves 🙏

Went thru it please take the time to heal but block them permanently you need to heal you will get stronger trust me

it helped me when I admitted to myself that I allowed it. So I had reasons to allow it which were more important to me than escape and that the power has always been and always will be in my hands.

It helps to have interests, self projects such as learning guitar, DIY projects, hiking... so when and if you run into a narc -- (they will try to sabotage your interests, - own your work but you stay focussed on you. This helps to expose their manipulation, true intention of that person.) However, your already on track, healthy with a strong foundation. You know what they are all about before even getting involved with a friendship. Move on, no contact

Fully recovered? lol. Feels like it’s going to be years.

I've had to detach myself emotionally from TWO narcs in my life and it's def a work in progress!

Not easy to talk with someone about this, I can't even make sense of all the nonsense that I lived through. This is like a drug addiction how can you explain the strong pull to be with a person that you know is bad for you? Huge pieces of my brain just got blank I keep watching this videos so I can bring to memory how it was to be on there. I'm missing the narcissist like hell, trying to get rid of it, and still looking for the path to find that guy on me that was confident, happy and smiling much of the time. Wishing so much for my mental freedom... Narcissism should be declared a worldwide pandemic and treated as a serious mental illness!

I’ve used Grey rock and NC with success, it depends on the situation. This cerebral narc is new to me and I’m trying to figure out the best way to exit on the down low to keep his EGO intact in our tiny community. NPDs are only happy when we’re not which is good to know. My health is in crisis so perhaps this is finally my time to disconnect and truly heal ❤️ Making myself a priority is so foreign to me, it’s daily work in progress 😓😅 On another note, It makes sense to me now I’ve been conditioned to downplay around my mother without realizing why 🤔 it’s so twisted I wonder if I can ever feel truly emotionally and mentally stable after a lifetime of abuse? Can I break free from a lifetime of narc abuse....hope so! 🙏❤️🤞🍀

Thank you! I was shaking for days after being so coldly dumped and devalued. I run, listen to your videos, arts and try to laugh with friends. I am thinking of going to therapy.

After I just got discarded and was away for a while I started realizing how the narcissist affected me emotionally mentally and my ptsd ! I finally got a place of my own, I started doing my crafts again I was struggling at first but through the grace of God it’s gotten better! I have a friend that puts them on Display and her store I didn’t ever think that would happen again ! I go for long walks in nature and I exercise now ! And I’m learning to cook again! Thanks so much for your videos and help here God bless you always

2.5 years later and I'm still barely willing to live. I can't believe my person did this to me.

Sculpting on air clay and meditation in front of the beach Healthy diet and books Some sport and shower daily Being thankful and praying a lot That what helps me the most ..

I SOO...NEEDED THIS🙏🏻THANK YOU...IT WAS MY FIRST RE LATIONSHIP OF MY LIFE...7yrs...cheated on...manipulated...discarded..this yr!! IN MY TWENTIES.,.I NEED TO REBUILD MY LIFE

I went back after initiating no contact and was in another abusive cycle for 8 months- i finally learned about the truama bond.

Isolation from abusers works best. Doing something creative, again takes you away from the experience, moving through the experience, setting boundries works. Doing things for you and talking to people who truly care about you, again. Thank you for posting your insight, very useful for a lot of people.

Yes. You pretty mush covering all this well. The NO CONTACT is the key really, but it is not as easy reached on the beginning, at least for me it wasn't. Everything about this narcissism, has the origin in our own family dynamics. Soon, my attention was moved to that, I started to put all the peaces of this puzzle together and recover faster. It took me about 4 years, so this process was quite a long therm progress. But, on my way, I have met lots of so called "teachers", which helped me with my discoveries profoundly. Some of them were also Narcissists as wel (that was a bit weird), some of them were like me co-dependent or highly sensitive people ( Empaths), lots of them were spiritual (careful with those pretenders), but it all makes sense after all... The point is, to move on, overcome the fears of the unknown new territories... and enjoy the ride...;) With love, Igor (form the Netherlands)

Common ego. You know what you're talking about. Thank you.

This is one of the best vids I have watched on narcs! You get into the solution which is so important. One of the things I've done since going NC is immersed myself in the zumba and salsa community. I am a professional dancer turned lawyer so I went back to my roots. It has helped me more than I even know how to express. :-) I hope this helps someone else.

It’s been months since we finally ended things but the most brutal way possible, after the most damage possible, I’ve been avoiding the thoughts and blocking it out but I finally admit today I’m still suffering inside

I had to discard from my ex in a hurry. I really had to start my life all over. I have just cut off from him altogether he made me reach that point of no return, I have been listening to you on your site to help me not feel guilty and to try to find something that I like because it's been so long I don;.t know what makes me happy or what I like or want to do. I am blessed to have a strong family support system .

He just discarded me. Jokes on him. I Wanted this to happen. Now I can work on myself without constantly being provoked and subtle emotional abuse. If he thinks that I'm weak,he's in a for a big surprise. I'm indifferent to the discard. I've waited so long for this. He's really playing himself.

Thank you so much for these videos. I am coming out of 6-year relationship where I thought I was losing my mind. Luckily, I eventually saw the light and ended things but... 6 years. I am just recently discovering these tactics used against me and the associated terminology. You have been a big help in my recovery already. I actually have been taking most of these steps before watching this video (I am so proud of me!!) And continue to do so the best I can (even though there are bad days). But on good days, I feel like I am thriving and returning to my true self! It is really comforting and validating that I am able to see reality for what it is. For so long, I was told I was not emotionally developed but after watching this, I feel like I have already come so far. Thank you so much!!

Everything you've said is spot on. I wish I had known all this before, because I made the mistake of talking to mutual friends and now they aren't my friends anymore. I guess in a way though, through this process, you also get that opportunity to find out who really supports you and is there for you when times are tough. Those bonds you can carry through the rest of your life. The most amazing thing to witness was the narcissist's reaction when I set the boundaries, she was incredulous, despite being a liar and a cheater, she instantly transformed herself into the victim, and she was so good at it that I actually felt bad. I felt sorry for the person who betrayed me, lied to me, and manipulated me. I know better now. Pray you never have to interact with a narcissist in your life.

Blessed Mother, I pray for everyone watching this video that they are consoled by your gentle, loving spiritual embrace. Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help or sought your intercession, was left unaided. Inspired with this confidence, I fly to you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother; to you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy hear and answer me. Amen.

I was diagnosed with complex PTSD as a result of my narcissistic ex. We were together on and off for 7 years. It has been three months no contact. I’m ready to be completely done. 💖

Thank you for the TRUTH. No healing can begin without it.

Find it very hard to shake off the hard… words she said during the devaluation and discard … I think they will stay with me forever… the feeling of betrayal from someone I loved and who ultimately fooled me into thinking they loved me is very hard for me … I see myself as a very loyal person and that was s as abused… Just devastating for me…

Mine left, moved to another state, to marry some other dude, which regardless of proof, denied lol. Obviously we'll never speak again in my lifetime but i am struggling with the death of the illusion. It's only been 24hrs of being out of my life, after a 10 month breakup cohabitation.. The ability to lie better, than I tell the truth, is crazy

I completely blocked him in all ways. We had nothing binding us together. We broke up in the first 10 month I went back after 6 weeks. We got back together and engaged for an additional year. I have never even driven by his house or looked at any social media in 7 months. He started drama by contacting my Mom daughter and grandkids (so rude). And wrote me a letter I never read. Occasionally he sends me a piece of mail that went to his house (that I already new about duh). I’ve never gone through a break up like this! I knew I had to get out and didn’t want to be with him anymore.. but the damage was done! I can see and feel the changes in my soul. I’m feeling better all the time. I had a wonderful therapist that specializes in abusive relationships. I’m still having trouble so now I will be starting EMDR for the trauma. This guy was 61 yrs old... he was a master .. I’m free but have flashbacks. I still keep learning.

The coldness of the break up by text, after a year and half

I’m out. I knew he was a narcissist for almost 2 years. I was trying so so so hard to change him. It’s been 3 weeks since we seen each other and He knew I was getting over him and he logged into my Facebook account. It’s hard because we have a kid together but he’s so narcissistic that he is going to lose his rights to our kid. All he wants to know is about our child when he doesn’t get to see our son. I denied him that info so he discarded me. 3 weeks later I just saw him again and flipped him off. I’ve completely blocked him and I’m done. He’s done with me. I’ve done so much for him and he just completely shits on me. I’m glad that I won’t be having to deal with him anymore. I’m still trauma bonded because I have an idea in my mind that i miss his body and kissing him and I miss when he says he loves me. But all of that was to gain things. Now he has everything. He no longer needs me besides to know about our son. I’m done. Very very done.

Thank you. 3 months and plugging through all the advice. It’s hard but time will heal please God. 😊🙏

Thank you, this really helped. I recently ended my 3ish year relationship with a narcissist…Im currently pregnant with our second child but I haven’t heard a thing from him. I know I ended it but I didn’t think anyone could act so coldly toward the mother of their children. I’m still learning

I love your facial expressions. "and there's a lot of negativity." yes. yes...indeed. Thank you for this. You reminded me of how fun i am, without living on eggshells.

Thanks for your tips! Definitely need information like this. Especially having kids with someone who’s a narcissist. I always mess up when she asks about my personal life or things like that…..then it usually backfires because she uses things I’ve said against me when I wasn’t thinking she would ever do that. Even after breaking up she was still finding a way to get to me that way. Definitely going to do the gray rock thing. No more talking to her about anything other than business as you put it.

Wow. The narcissist is utterly predictable in dynamic. The individual in my life is currently doing a big drama and trying for maximum emotional big damage. The amazing thing about it all is the sheer adolescent nature of the individual in question. It feels so much like dealing with a teenager.

The advice about mutual friends is really important. Thank you!

I guess we did a “ mutual discard” over a year ago. I stopped taking Valium to sleep after 20 years, both were like quitting a heroin habit... it took a year to feel normal again. But it is finally over, I always got bad results from family !! Nothing ever changed, so it was time to go ! Not open to physical violence , I drew the line when she threatened me with physical violence...

I'm trying to heal but my mental health has been exacerbated and I'm dealing with fear and paranoia due to thoughts of slander and smear campaigns. I'm trying to show them I'm strong, they mean nothing, but it's hard. Especially obeying your boundaries. Good thing is the complete cut off has been done!

My boyfriend discarded me again for the 4th time. 3 previous times, when it happened, every time I was going back to real myself, being calm, content enjoying life with my children and friends, he was back with love bombing , a day before the lockdown after 3 months since he discarded me, saying he knew what he wanted and it was me. And a week ago when I texted him to find out how he was feeling after "being sick", he replied me with such a rude message finishing it "actually I had enough now", I agreed and asked him to collect his things from my house. After he collected his staff he phoned and said it was me who broke up with him and it would take him a while to get over me. Two days later I saw him a new woman walking holding hands and him being so affectionate to her. I had a suspicious he was juggling two relationship again. I am struggling emotionally, the worse I ever have been.

wake-up moment, about 8 years ago while driving one afternoon, I was running through my head several comparisons my x-narc had in common with another person I once knew. this other person had been clinically diagnosed by a psychiatrist as being a Narc. Because of the previous person, I had been educated and thought I knew enough to keep Narcs out of my life. Well, a few years later I was proven to be wrong. I got involved with a person I thought was free of the toxic character (behaviors) of a Narc. this is a long story short version! I had been blindly dumped by my x-Narc and like everyone else who's been a victim of a Narc I was trying to makes sense of her weird actions. So I started to go through several episodes of things that the two of us had experienced together. And for some reason I started to compare her with that previous Narc that was professionally identified as a Narc. And wah-lah the biggest Chill went up and down my spine, I could feel my hair raise and tingle! It was a shocking moment to realize how similar the two were!! I'll never forget that moment and place where I was driving! here is one common (comparison) fact that was near the same tactic or behavior the two had. both made up the most ridiculous reasons for having to go to the emergency room and both had to go several times during my relationship with them. Both were lying about the cause of ER trips. they didn't want friends and family to know the real truth as to why they're going. excuses varied for both but are in fact similar, the previous friend claimed to be experiencing seizures while my X-narc used different reasons for her visits like there had to be fluorides in the wine in her salad dressing that she consumed at a friends house, another ER visit was because of the fumes emanating from the plaster she had put up on the walls of her home and there was a third time I can't remember what she said. yeah, they're doing drugs and overdoing them. I never witnessed any drugs, because I wasn't supposed to know they're doing them. but since all this has passed, I think I got right! I no longer question what I believe are the real reasons. there's more comparisons, but I don't want this to be too long. you will never hear them tell you the truth of who they are and why they do what they do! It's up to you to do the work and realize what's really the truth vs what they display and want you to think and know of them !!!!!

Things that I found most helpful were music (although I stopped playing -for about seven years -I could still listen to music...) Art -specifically photography and most important was *writing* -I recommend The Artists Way Julia Cameron. I found that the best was to get over being discarded -was to "discard" or unload my life's story. It doesn't actually matter if no-one ever reads it -the point is that it was "therapy" for *me* If you're getting over such a relationship -and there are children involved you have my deepest empathy *get all the help that you can*

In recovery, surround yourself with people who genuinely care and get a hobby!! I rediscovered model airplanes and binge watching- like Christina’s videos while I do detail work on my toys:-)

I've just spent a few hours watching your videos because I'm beginning to think my best friend for the last 3-4 years is a covert narcissist. I've learned so much about myself through this friendship, and my journey with this person has brought me to a place where I have self-love and self-worth. The influence of this friend of mine helped me to get sober and my gratitude for that will never go away. I think it's funny and I'm super grateful that figuring out my values and living up to them is what led to being discarded. It resonated with me very strongly (ie. i teared up 😅) when you said you believe strongly these moment are here to teach us. Thank you 🙏 Personally, I'm going to put some thought towards how I may have been neglecting to be more empathetic in my life because of the influence of this person.

Thank you for great advice. These things really work. Self-care, self-love and patience towards the self work really well.

Thanks a lot. I can not believe this has happened to me. Someone took me and others into a make believe world. It is so painful and hard.

I have found a lot of 'self-help' psychology clips on KZfaq and don't find they have anything that helpful. I accidentally found you and I have actually subscribed because you are so sensible and explain things in such a humanistic way - and to be honest, are mpre applicable to my life than I realised. I thought my ex was mostly of a Borderline spectrum person - I see now he was actually more in the narcisstic realm and knowing I have a friend and a boss who fit into this - I see it all really clearly - and its hard to purge them all from your life if you work with a 'friend'' who I realise now but probably knew at some level for some time - was only a 'friend' because I am faIrly good at my job and he needs that to make himself look better - it has nothing to do with caring about me - As for my last relationship - WOW - I really got shafted on so many levels and have found it so hard to find 'closure' - realised I needed that from him - and now I know I really need it from myself. Thank you -

So many things... I started my channel hoping to find solutions for a life, marriage, and income which were all failing. These things are all gone now, literally. I believed until today that my regret, depression and constant heartbreak were my own failure. I have much healing to do and now I see, because of your channel, that there is hope. And maybe perhaps I am not as broken as I thought I was. Thank you so much.

Honestly I beat myself up as a good person, I was pushed to the brink and called them on their nonsense and it gave them all the ammo, and plausible story to end things and discard and blame shift me, and I’m none of the names they called me..they dish it all the way out, but they can’t take it..I still want revenge on them for trying to ruin me..

You asked for things I DID after the final discard that my help others. First I was the one that ended it sending the text clarifying that "this is NOT a relationship I want to be in" (his behavior got progressively worse since the moment he started his "dream job", his new lover, new source of validation and supply. A point here is I always had a strong core, ego and sense of self. We did not live together but 3 blocks from each other. I realized he hadn't changed, he was always like this but just did a better job of faking a relationship. And therefore this was NEVER going to be a man that could be in a healthy, relationship with a "secure attachment" style. It was always going to be walking on eggshells and wondering who would show up next. I accepted the pain I was about to go thru ending it. Awful pain, but the inspiration is knowing how I will feel about myself a year from now, knowing I would not allow this man I loved to emotionally abuse me. What I did to get thru it: 1- speak with my friends who knew everything and reach out and express how difficult this end was but that this was THE END. Not faking being happy. Embracing the grief. 2. Lots of swimming to relieve stress, interact with my swimming buddies, but unfortunately would see him in the pool as we are both swimmers. 3. I immersed myself in nature regularly even though I live in Manhattan; Central Park, Wave Hill, Long Beach a beach community jumping the waves for an hr, 4. Doing minor but essential upgrades to my home. Created better chi (good energy) in the home. Also painting a room gives a great feeling of renewal and refresh. 4. Letting myself cry, and cry again as needed. Not pushing down the sadness and the grief. Allowing it to come up... and out. 4. Going to movies at my special movie house in Manhattan, New Plaza Cinema with really deep, special movies and talk with the people after about the movie. 5. Made time to just be alone, feel the feelings that were there. 6. I noted I did not regret him being in my life. I was truly happy, but left when he his periods of toxic behavior and emotional abuse became more and more frequent. I stayed while it was good for me and left when is wasn't because he no longer could be bothered putting in the effort. His new "dream job" was his ego fix. I was less important. 7. I never ever took his behavior personally, asking "what did I do wrong" not ever! I only viewed it as, "what a disappointment that THIS IS WHO THIS PERSON REALLY IS''. This behavior was about who HE IS and I was so disappointed and grieved deeply the loss of how he was. But he never was that either. It was all a mask, to get supply from me and to feed his damaged self esteem.

Packed with much needed advice! Thank you, thank you, thank you. One of my biggest struggles is how to handle his friend group - we spent a lot of time together. I have been tempted to let on to his unhealthy behavior to some of them, given that we did not let on to our issues beforehand. Retail therapy is a real temptation. So reassuring and validating to hear that it is not important to be good at delving into a creative form of expression. As an artist I let go of so much of who I was and needed to hear that.

@Common Ego This was me - I made that fatal mistake - after moving out and leaving her, we got back in contact after a while and missing her (trauma bonds) so it was like we were in a relationship again. And guess what? I was then discarded, I assume when the new supply was found. And it hurt like hell and still does..

I was married to mine for 10 years and 2 kids. it was awful. He abandoned me on our 10th wedding anniversary trip and blocked me on everything. I am heartbroken and I have to coparent with this sicko for at least 14 more years. He is so manipulative and vindictive, i'm scared of what he's gonna do in the divorce process because he has money and I don't .

I took your advice and went no contact.thank you for being a beautiful lady and helping everyone who has dealt with a narrasite

Thank you so much! Actually received an email with the final (hopefully) discard while I was watching this. I was more than ready to let it go. Thankfully, it was only for less than a year, and I didn't live with or marry him. But that 10 months was a helluva roller coaster! We broke up at least 1/2 dozen or more times, and he blamed me always for everything, even though in the "hoovering" phase he'd apologize and seemingly acknowledge his part. Constant criticism, devaluing, his moodiness, etc. OMG!! It was exhausting!! Thankful it's over ... 👍 I've been in SLAA since a few months before we got together, and all that I've learned about love addiction since working the program, and the support from my wonderful group have been a lifeline. Soooo grateful!!

I learn fast so when this happened to me, I set ground rules after we had our first problems. Second strike occurred and I was done. She tried to call me with horror stories about how bad things were but I knew she wasn't suffering as she said. In my case I didn't cut off responding to her calls or messages. My take was standing firm but not avoiding was the better tactic. Had I avoided her, she would have freaked out. Instead, run the clock, less confrontational..

Thank you so much, I have just had the final disguard, because of your videos I was ready and waiting for it. and there is was. Goodbye to 4 years with a Covert Narcissist and 32 years of serial relationships with Narchissists, Grandiose and Covert to discover I am repeating the pattern of the relationship with my Covert Narcissistic Mother. Today is the first day of the rest of my life, finally awake.

It's kind of hard when we are practically neighbors and I have to see his face just about every day.

- She started an argument I couldn't win (double bind) - She then escalated it to a point of no return / no win and compounded the situation - She then treated me like a stalker when I reached out after she left just to ask if she was safe (she acted very vulnerable at all times) - She blocked me on everything in one swoop almost as a kneejerk reaction - I then emailed her and she threatened me with a restraining order despite me just expressing concern for her All over using a *fridge*.

The way I'm healing as I became an advocate for narcissistic abuse

This video makes me feel so much better. Thanks for making me smile. 🥰

This series on narcissists has been super helpful for me. Recently just realized my hovering ex is one. I needed to hear these things. Thanks for making the vid

My girlfriend said to me accidentally in a car two months before breakup, that I will be the last to know that we are not together anymore. For two months I felt that contempt until I walked away. She prepared all the people in our circle, even two from mine circle how "bad" I was. After 8,5 years, I thought I was in a relationship. When I started to bring some boundaries to supply, I was no longer useful.