There was a story my mom told me as a child, there was a old man and a young boy in the field, the boy ask the man who he should pick to marry. The old man said to the boy, walk from here to the end of this field and bring back the prettiest flower, but you can only pick-it the first time you see it, you cannot pick it on the way back. So the boy went and came back empty handed. The old man was surprised, are there no beautiful flowers? The boy replied there were many beautiful flowers but he thought there would be a better one if he walked a little further until he got to the end of the field and there were no more flowers. And as he couldn’t pick any on the return trip, the boy returned with no flowers. The lesson here is that as we look for better we pass up on people that would have fulfilled our lives. It was a very good lessons for me, it taught me to not look for the best, but to look for what suited me, if the boy looked at flowers that way, he would be able to pick one.

"Every wrong person is one person closer to the right one for you ❤"

When a man is at the right place in his life, that’s when he will commit. Other than that, you can tick all the boxes, he will pass.

My husband and I've been together 30 years, and you know what, it's not long enough. I look forward each day to seeing him, coming in the door after work, sorry if this sounds cringy but it's true. We've been through so many things - some bad luck (serious health problems, I got through breast cancer) some good luck. I can't imagine life without him ....

I just spoke to a man who met his wife in college. Their first date was a disaster and they didn’t like each other. Six weeks later he gave her a call to go on another date. Nine months later they were married. They’ve been married for 50 years!!

I find it interesting that this new paradigm shift has men realizing that maybe long term relationships aren't so bad, while women are realizing that perhaps a lot of us are happier alone

Many men settle down, because "it's time" and they settle with whoever is next to them at this point. Unfortunately. It's the wrong reason to settle and 100% doomed.

“When men chase from a sexual desire first.. as opposed to a spiritual one or just, life alignment.. they will typically fail.” Men who choose from a conscious place and learn to commit through personal growth, they will be more fulfilled, more successful, healthier men.”

You will never feel lacking when you trust the universe. Everything happens as it should.

Visualize the partner you want, I was stuck for so long until I put myself in a space where I saw myself happy, fulfilled & loved. Visualization is key

You cannot even imagine how we women value peace 😊

1- He's older & out of options 2- He became suddenly sick/injured/unemployed/homeless, & the hotties he was chasing ran for dear life & chose their options

“The worst thing you can do is live a long life with the wrong person.” So true!! Take his advise. This is an area NOT to compromise! I didn’t walk away from a 32 year marriage until I was in my late 50s. Don’t let this become your reality! Life is meant for living (in peace and joy), and living healthfully in body, mind and spirit!

Woah! I love the “would I want to eat 10,000 meals with this person” analogy. I actually got super emotional thinking about this, as I’ve finally met the human (after many years of dating people who were not right for me, but man did I learn some quality lessons) I would like to do that with. Even better, we are in alignment with this 🥰

Thanks for this great interview. So many people think that all men just always look for relationships with attractive women just for sex and that they'll keep chasing even after they're in that relationship. Many men and women who operate from a higher place do not seek that. It only comes from maturity and people realizing a higher purpose. Those who keep chasing haven't hit that place yet. If you want a serious relationship, be mature and peaceful and seek this out in others. Don't settle for a wandering eye or flaky person.

Right when a women is healthy happy, and loving their life a man comes to disrupt it

Not many men want to fix themselves

Relationship is hard. I rather be alone than be with the wrong person. That's why I am still single. Just want to meet someone I get along with and enjoy each other's company. Lots of guys I meet don't want to take the journey of getting to know each other (uncommitted to begin with) in a meaningful way to see if both are really good match that could last forever

The woman: "Do I really want to cook those 10,000 meals for a man who describes eating those meals and spending time with me as exhausting, boring and draining?"

"you've got to appreciate your value because then he will appreciate over time" - best quote ever💓

The answer to 27:00 is... listen carefully to this one. The answer is because when everything is going well in your life and there is no love, it is because you're not giving that special someone a chance to enter your life. That person needs to know that they provide a purpose.. to feel needed. Here is how to let that theoretical person IN. CREATE space. Literally create space, create time, create a physical space in your environment for them.. ie, new bedding, a new bed which has room..for TWO, a chair or a sofa a dining area, a table for two, a day in your hectic work schedule, putting down your phone and scanning the room. Make actual physical changes to create space for friendships and love. It's all well talking about love, sex, romance, long term relationships but if you can't find ten minutes of your day to devote or to let alone give notion to the idea of allowing another person into your personal space then what hope do you ever have you creating a wholesome, worthy relationship into your life?

Told a man who broke up with me that I find myself high value and I deserve someone to treat me as such. Didn’t beg or plead for him back either. Now, he is begging for me back and says he has more love for me than ever

I agree to this 100%. I don't care for the religious aspects or social norms of relationship. It is just smarter to be monogamous for your sanity and for preserving your energy.

Okay, can I just say it is soooo sweet and restores my faith in humanity to see someone like Lewis Howes dating a woman his own age (still drop dead gorgeous!!) who he values for who she is and the long lasting, committed relationship they have together as people with the same time for life experience and maturity. That’s beautiful. God bless em

Don't want to sound cynical, but I suppose getting old(er) plays a major role in men's decision to settle down. It might be hard to admit, to the world that the warrior feels less confident about himself and prefers to bet on one safe horse, but let's not lie to ourselves, that's the reality.

This guy is too privileged. "Fully loving your life" - many people are not that lucky. I lost my husband to a sudden cardiac arrest at the age of 40. I will never "fully love my life" again. I will live my life, but there is a wound that will always be a part of me. Someone has a dead end job, someone lives in poverty, someone has a sick parent, someone has difficulties that are part of life chalanges. Are all these people doomed to be unloved cause they are not "fully loving their lives"? I found that true love is born precisely from moments of life's struggle and vulnerability, not from that "ideal" moment when we emerge from some sort of hibernation chamber, where we have became perfectly rounded people who "fully love their lives". Cause that's not even possible, it's usually just a facade. Life is a process and a winding road.

As a woman, it was also when I shifted my desire in a relationship shifted from everything else to 'peace' that I was able to find the right man and be happy with him.

As a woman coming out of a relationship that has created much suffering, I agree wholeheartedly that my responsibility is to heal (which is to feel) the wounds that kept me in this state and brought me to it.

Once you can find a person who can tolerate ur quirks, finds them desirable, weird or not, they are your tribe ❤

Agreed! I feel like they’re describing a man and a woman that have learned, grown up, matured, and so now they’re making wiser decisions about dating and relationships. It’s refreshing to listen to men sharing this information!!

Yes, men who are married seem to live longer- however, a study revealed that it is the opposite for women 😂 Of course, this might all be different in an overall happy relationship. 😊

I love that men are interested in learning about themselves on this level!!! So exciting

I used to admire my dad for staying faithful to my mother til his death until my brother confided that he had told him when he was thinking of getting married to his girlfriend but had doubts, “son, all women are crazy, just pick one and go with it” 😂 I feel had he waited and healed up a bit he would’ve chosen better and also stayed faithful because he wanted to not out of duty.

LOVED doing this sit down with you Matthew! It’s always a powerful conversation when we connect one on one (many long walks and late night convos diving deep on all these topics) so I’m glad we got to go deep here and so glad it’s resonating and helpful for this community. ❤❤❤

It's exactly the same for a woman who is aligned with her higher self...

Ha . My last relationship he was so handsome and perfect from the outside; but we had so many issues underneathe. I'm now focused on alignment.

OMG Lewis spoke the secret, the men who have realized that focused energy will help them create abundance in life and be supported by someone who understand them.

The feeling of safety, security emotionally, mentally...is what we all want and need.

I'm not so sure this is practically advice. We need to know our value even write it down but it's important to know what you are looking for in a life partner and know how to identify if they actually possess that character. Cuz there are a lot of actors out there. Finding the right life partner shouldn't be a passive action. Don't just watch how they treat you, watch how they treat their family, mother, friends, strangers when they do NOT know you are observing. Ask smart questions like who are your favorite people in your life? Why? If the reason is what they do for them that's a red flag. All this can be done in a playful way too. You NEED to have a plan to vet suitors just like the old days family's would vet a husband for women. Now we got to do it! And it's a lot harder because we are biased when we like someone.

Oh, I am married to a man with a mission and joined him in this 4:39 and provided a warm home. He was a narcissist, and mistreated me. No more driven men for me!!!

After seeing each other for a year, he told me I was the most wonderful woman he'd ever been with, that I was extremely special to him, that he'd never had the depth of feelings for anyone as he had for me, that everything mental/physical between us was the best ever, better than he'd ever had in his life-- and I know he meant it sincerely. He was a little tipsy and had never said anything like that before. But then I learned, about 2 months prior, he was developing a career-type partnership with another woman. So after he told me how much I meant to him, he told me he didn't want to see me anymore and is with her now. I encountered her a couple of times- she's everything he said he didn't want- bossy, controlling, snotty. The exact opposite of me. I just have to assume it's the "lifestyle" he chose, the career partnership- which is not something I can provide.

I think clinging to the whole idea that you have to have a relationship is what makes people feel like something is missing in their life. Life should be beautiful at any age. The whole notion that time is running is flawed. Having a sexual partner or a life partner will NOT stop the clock from ticking. Period. Time will run away regardless. So, life will be wasted for sure if the whole time you live while feeling like something is missing. But if you accept completely everything that you have, expect nothing more and simply enjoy the present, you will enjoy your life (with or without a relationship). And it won't feel like a waste of time.

Values , vision and lifestyle is the key 🔑

Since I'm looking for peace in my next relationship with a man this really empowered me I'm on the right path ❤

Yes! Making the switch through constant suffering. In the end, the psyche just says enough! It did in my case anyway. I said to myself, almost like waking up and perhaps it was a 'spiritual waking up' of "I don't want to feel like this anymore, I don't want to be sad anymore" and almost the next day I was introduced to someone who is kind, considerate, consistent, loving, secure in himself and suddenly everything just felt relaxed and yes PEACEFUL. No more mind games and chaos or anxiety like my previous relationships. And don't forget it's not just the 40 somethings, it can be 60s, 70s 80d and beyond. There's no age limit to having had to learn and heal from unhealthy relationships. It's never too late. 💓

men will waste your time when they are not ready

A very valid question is why do we do relate fun and charismatic to something temporary and unfulfilling in the long term when the same person can also be peaceful and easy and fulfilling to be with

I feel this is true for both men and women. Also could see myself and my partner in what you guys are saying. From Peace at home, to supporting each other in our goals and dreams, the acceptance of one another while enjoying the time we have together. Being in alignment with ourselves and with the other. It is wonderful. Bless you for your work Matthew, you have helped me without even knowing me. 🙏🏻🍀

I watched a lot of matthews videos when I was in a distressing situation… now I’m on the other side I can truly say how much I despise the person who made me feel the way I felt. IF they ever come back to you DO NOT let that person back in they do not deserve you EVER

Yessss! The whole just be around interesting people without thinking “are they the one?”, cause you don’t know till you see how interesting they are and if you two have compatibility. Looks and status burns you out over time if that’s all you keep chasing. You’ll always be chasing something that can fade.

Just gotta say it was amazing!! You two gave hope that there are excellent men out there somewhere. Even if it takes a century to meet the right one, he'll be worth waiting for. Never is too late when it comes to love. I guess relationships are not failures but lessons we learn & heal from. Thank you!

I love how you two build each other up while building up every person that's watching this. There are layers upon layers of green flags being shown and taught here.

Unfortunately peace, does require inner peace but what many don't realize is you have to water the plant or the plant will die. Relationships do require time and attention and desire to want to make it work also. We also desire peace, but other needs as well.

Never settle for less it won't last. The more spiritual you become the more your filled with the spirit of God meaning filled with unconditional love of God by this time you have become and you truly love yourself for who you are, only then are you able to love others. When your filled with God's love you feel complete. You don't need love from others it's a bonus, when you meet your mate you will know you feel the energy of love coming from them, they will be at the same level as you. I must say you can be very spiritual and highly enlightened and still be very sexual. Nice conversation

Why don't you talk about attachment? :) I think would be beneficial for people to understand it. For example when you talk about men who achieve but never settle for someone, those are traits of avoidance. Men and women do that. Avoidants avoid their feelings and intimacy by achieving. The person they are looking is a "phantom partner", a perfect idea that they will never find, which keeps them safe from real connection and intimacy. I would think it's beneficial to talk about these in attachment level and not so much about "men" or the types. Ofcourse I find it meaningful to hear the thoughts from men's side, but please, learn about attachment and teach that to people too!! 🧡

It was tough with my ex because she constantly doubted herself from a past relatiobship and traumas. I accepted and loved her the way she is. She would have many times of vulnerability with me and we spoke of the future, then she would doubt it and think of her past and back off out of nowhere. I didn't help when i chose to help a best friend with his business that wound up stabbing me in the back- lost myself and brought me extra stress. Crazy times this year. In a way, the friend was a relationship and i had to get rid of him. Unfortunately it caused some damage to me and my ability to be present with her. Regaining my purpose and drive. I know i didn't settle, we had great chemistry but i do know losing myself and the business was an emotional time for me. Take care all and thanks for reading!

O man. My first relationship from online dating took 6 months to really sink in for me that he and I are not compatible for each other. He is a great man, outstanding professional and scholar, clearly wants an integrated family life with his partner, had great friends and we went out at least once a week together. Once I had a number of convos with his parents and with him about what he expects in a relationship (kids, wildly different boundaries than I have about violence)...I had to break up our relationship. I cried so hard and so did he, but honestly it was important that we ended that relationship. I still think the world of him and his family and I hope he meets a brilliant woman who has the same outlook on what makes a man a man.

So nice to hear beautiful souls talking about real values and life. I love it. Wise conversation. Love that a man talk about how HIS interaction gives him PEACE!

My ex who I wasted quite a few yrs of my life is trying to come back around. He is in his late 50s, needs a hip replacement (I am an NP), and has been given notice by his landlord because she wants to sell the house he rents. He can't find a house to buy in his price range. What does he do? Starts hitting me up about us cooking dinner together. Telling me has dreams about me.😂 I bet you do buddy. I bet you do.

How do you give a man peace when he won’t allow you to express any emotions or sometimes thoughts. I wanted to give him peace but everytime he stonewalled I felt extremely hurt.

We come alone we die alone grieving has helped me so much my divorce having my little baby girl in the middle of it all! I seriously can survive if I don’t get a man!!! Seriously people this is a lovely podcast wrong life with the wrong person! Absolutely spot on I’m happy being single so much that any bad moves from a shitty man or woman in friendships I don’t put up with

Always so interesting videos to listen to! Thank you.

Beautiful. Thank you, Both!!!

ABSOLUTELY LOVED THIS INTERVIEW PODCAST OF LEWIS!!!💯👍

What a great clip!!! Thank you!!! Yes acceptance

Loved it! Thank you both for sharing wisdom 🙏❤

There seems to be so much emphasis on men wanting perfect looks and so called wife material qualities such a deluded world we live in . Most of those men arnt so perfect themselves . Love is organic and if its to much of a game its not worth it. Live life on your own terms be kind and supportive, encouraging to yourself and others, don't waste time over not being good enough for some superficial guy who doesn't get it. .

So powerful! Thank you so much for sharing your insight and expertise xxxx

Amazing! You are both amazing! This message is so special!

This is a great video. Thank you for great"ness" insights!

Great conversation 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽😊

Yaaaaasssss!!! This! I needed to hear all this right now. 41 and single no kids and feeling like I wasted so many years with the wrong people. Sad that my baby making days are pretty much over but happy that I feel better about making a hard decision by stepping away from someone who was not aligned with my relationship intentions. Love both of you guys!!

Thank you for all you've done, good to know there are some lovely men out there ...

Excelent, thank you both, from Brasil❤

Great collaboration! Both great guys in their field.

Love love this ❣️❣️thank you ‼️‼️‼️I needed this 😊😉

Thanks Matthew ❤

This conversation is PRICELESS! Thank you Lewis! Love

Thank you so much for this! 💜 Feel so much wiser

Fantastic to see you both speaking together ! Two of my favourites on KZfaq

This is one of the most honest videos you've done. Thank you.

A very nice topic interesting a good relationship thanks matthew 😘

Lewis you are so wIse. I am really enjoying learning so much from you!

You both master it Mr Hussey and Mr. Howes God bless you

SO MUCH SUBSTANCE!!! These guys are awesome

Wow great video. I’m glad I stuck around to listen. I even took so many notes from this lol 😅

@Lewishowes I truly have enjoyed this interview with Matt and Jay Shetty and just purchased your book....a lot of what you said truly resonated with me and the choices I've made regarding the relationships I've chosen to stay in or end.

Million likes. You really truly helped me with this. I've probably watched every single dating coach video on KZfaq. But this one hit me so well. Thank you ❤

BOOM. 2 minutes in & gems!!! You two are impacting this world in massive ways!

Such a great conversation

Thank you ❤ great things to prepare for my upcoming date😊

This hands down is one of the best talks for me.❤ Thank you.

Just ordered the book on Amazon , can’t wait to read it !!❤❤

This was so spot on and such a genuine chat. Thank you for sharing this. Great reminder that you can be a lovely human and be loved for just that. ❤

Thank you so much for this discussion. Sexual promiscuity is really hurting people, families and society. It is so wonderful to hear two successful men discuss monogamy and the various benefits it brings.

Powerful, I needed to learn to stop, LACKING!. 💔

Amazing advice Matthew and Lewis. My 2 favorite coaches ;)

Dang. I needed to hear a lot of this. Thank you for these talks, and thank you for sharing the wisdom that you do 🥰

Articulately said. Then there’s also the biblical standard where the wheel doesn’t have to be reinvented. Where… men (and women) are encouraged to save sex for marriage because it’s more meaningful and it’s true love/commitment instead of just using each other for whatever lustful desire that usually doesn’t cease for a while or ever for some people. No commitment is not love. And being sexually driven without marriage leads to abortion if innocent children, broken relationships and people, depression, more mental issues, infidelities, and STIs. Getting to know each other first and having self control with God’s strength and grace is how people can be truly free. Love is described aptly I’m 1 Corinthians 13.

Matt, you're such a good listener! I appreciate that you don't go 'mmhmm' 'yeah' all the time when someone is talking!