The Part Of "The Machine" Story You've Never Heard

Рет қаралды 4,109,666

Күн бұрын

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@knox4oh7 3 жыл бұрын

Bert goes back to Russia, Putin meets him and says "it would be an honor to do a shot with The Machine"

@cadenr06 3 жыл бұрын

In Russia, you do not do a shot with Machine, Machine does shot with you.

@LTJG8032 3 жыл бұрын

Stole this from the original video comment section lmao

@HD-gx8eh 3 жыл бұрын

Don't ever take a drink from Putin lol

@tunerimpala5658 3 жыл бұрын

@@LTJG8032 go cry about it somewhere else

@LTJG8032 3 жыл бұрын

@@tunerimpala5658 go act tough for no reason somewhere else

@pchurch4973 4 жыл бұрын

Imagine if Bert went back to Russia and was immediately met with a welcoming party by the Russian mafia for the return of the machine

@randalloshbough6850 4 жыл бұрын

They would kill him for loose lips

@padraig5335 4 жыл бұрын

@@randalloshbough6850 Ehhh doubt it. They knew it was a joke. To them it was a joke the whole time.

@northofnashira2575 4 жыл бұрын

The only mafia left in Russia is the Moscow mafia and that's lead by Putin. If you've heard the full story, Bert dealt with at least 3 separate mafia groups. The guys where they originally stayed and he introduced himself as the machine to, the guys who ran the trains, and the Moscow mafia that took him to the strip club. He's too high profile a target to kill now for what very little information he dropped about events that took place two decades ago.

@EmazingGuitar 4 жыл бұрын

Randal Loshbough he would’ve been dead already if the mod didn’t like him talking

@raymondgarcia1319 4 жыл бұрын

Parker Churchill l

@benjammin9471 4 жыл бұрын

That dog was so well behaved

@JnH5492 4 жыл бұрын

Took me a second 😂

@iankrom510 4 жыл бұрын

Good boy!

@slikrick5857 4 жыл бұрын

Yo chill I’m on acid and was about to stare at that dog for half an hour😂😂

@KenNaka22 4 жыл бұрын

Ben Jammin gmfu 😂💀

@zackking3469 4 жыл бұрын

@@slikrick5857 lmao

@NickJ1897 4 жыл бұрын

The crossover we NEEDED!!

@theprboy6118 4 жыл бұрын

NN facts

@jordanmorales679 4 жыл бұрын

Agreed

@wuxiagamescentral 4 жыл бұрын

Need Joe to complete the unholy trinity

@meaglebeats7116 3 жыл бұрын

Wait the story of The Machine is being made into a movie !?!?!? I definitely gotta see that

@Syoski 4 жыл бұрын

“The Machine” story would be a great Tarantino movie

@evandotterer4365 4 жыл бұрын

Syoski bro I would pay good money to see a movie about this story

@Oldsoul305 4 жыл бұрын

Syoski Tarantino doesn’t do comedy, like ever. How is a college kid that partied with the mob a Tarantino movie? His movies are dark and gloomy.

@renteryx2364 4 жыл бұрын

@@Oldsoul305 Uh. No? His movies are visually bright and *contain dark undertones*.

@terrydevlin3486 4 жыл бұрын

@@Oldsoul305 Tarantino is dark comedy as a person

@Oldsoul305 4 жыл бұрын

RenIsNotARat uh, I’m not talking visually. His movies are dark in subject matter.

@ishanbasu6533 4 жыл бұрын

Wait the story of The Machine is being made into a movie !?!?!? I definitely gotta see that

@SufferWithPride 3 жыл бұрын

National Lampoon's Van Wilder.

@urielcamacho7686 3 жыл бұрын

@@SufferWithPrideWich one of the 3 movies?

@MrChimpokomon1 3 жыл бұрын

I wonder how many interspecies relationships that they will have for burnt Chrysler

@darkapophis4906 3 жыл бұрын

@@SufferWithPride that's a common misconception, Van Wilder was based off of Bert Kriescher in general. Not specifically "The Machine" joke which is being made into a movie.

@SufferWithPride 3 жыл бұрын

@@darkapophis4906 You're absolutely right. That's what I was getting at originally. I should've cleared that up. Sorry my guy.

@xlciferlx6729 4 жыл бұрын

I'm so high, I thought that dog was real for the first 3 minutes 😂

@jirden 4 жыл бұрын

bruh that's a wolf lmao

@kylerbrown2574 4 жыл бұрын

It’s still a dog

@jirden 4 жыл бұрын

@@kylerbrown2574 no u

@raiseincain9335 4 жыл бұрын

I am so high that I paused it to see if I could see it breathing.

@lukelofquist3734 3 жыл бұрын

It was, dude

@robywade6343 3 жыл бұрын

Bert is the perfect functioning alcoholic. Sweat pants, dope kicks, expensive down jacket, and always has a great story

@SarahSkinnyJeans 2 жыл бұрын

Lmao right? Beat red, vocal fry, probably vodka in his cup hahaha

@dhdhejehuwbs843 Жыл бұрын

He is also probably going to die of a heart attack and/or liver failure before 2030

@TheNikeStar2 4 жыл бұрын

I wonder who’s going to play Bert since he was about 50-60 lbs skinnier.

@Typhoidlazzy 4 жыл бұрын

Segura, obviously. He not only looks similar, but he's also about 300 lbs. lighter and can do a pretty spot-on impression of Brent.

@Nika_Joy_Boy 4 жыл бұрын

Ari

@JM-350 4 жыл бұрын

Gotta get the guys who play in the Super Troopers movies and most of the Broken Lizard films. A few of em to play the Russian mobsters at the least.

@DeafKingz 4 жыл бұрын

Adam DeVine

@Dreagin64 4 жыл бұрын

Ryan Reynolds

@2ndEddy 4 жыл бұрын

It's so weird they seem to be in the same room but two different climates

@nickskiles8522 3 жыл бұрын

Only Bert could have a story that includes the line, "We robbed me."

@BozheTsaryaKhrani 4 жыл бұрын

The vid has to be 4:20 min long

@ab3040 4 жыл бұрын

💨

@spicyboi4640 4 жыл бұрын

Nice. 👌

@Immunity_ow 3 жыл бұрын

Nice

@captain_hashtag6428 3 жыл бұрын

Oh my god...

@Hanz1943 2 жыл бұрын

Puffy time

@mscolli3 4 жыл бұрын

I'd like to hear where the story left off, his adventures with the cops.

@henrypo1894 3 жыл бұрын

The story didn't happen

@davidhays6286 3 жыл бұрын

You and me both Monroe

@billyboblillybob344 3 жыл бұрын

I had heard that partying with the cops was the scariest time he had in Russia since they didn't answer to anybody and pretty much did whatever they wanted. I think there are details involved that he doesn't want to reveal but it sounds like more hijinks were had...

@clevelandbci9562 3 жыл бұрын

@@billyboblillybob344 "You robbed Americans??? Welcome to Moscow. Here's your gun..."

@JHulse29 3 жыл бұрын

I heard him tell the story on my local radio station and he told more of the story. He and the cops went to a strip club in moscow, afterwards the cop tossed the keys to bert and said you drive! Bert was like I'm not driving a cop car drunk in moscow! And the cop replied "why not I am police what could happen!?" 😂😂

@matthewstufflebeam55 3 жыл бұрын

Bert Kreischer’s whole life story starts with Florida Man........

@jallen8013 3 жыл бұрын

"Curry smells bad in a lap dance!" has me holding my side in pain...

@smokeydabear_ 4 жыл бұрын

The crossover we didn’t know we needed

@thatrandomfanboy1438 3 жыл бұрын

Every time I learn something that wasn’t mentioned about this story in each clip about it and I genuinely can’t get enough

@shoreangler3383 2 жыл бұрын

I love everything about this story. My FAVORITE PART is when Bert reminds everyone he's from Florida when he indicates he KNOWS what stinky strippers are supposed to be like.

@chrisclokey 2 жыл бұрын

The machine is the greatest story I've ever heard. Can't wait for the movie!

@simondfrost7925 8 ай бұрын

The absolute best part of this is the fact that not only did he take their s*** in college but then they signing off on it was the jumping point to him becoming wealthy and famous, amazing

@thepressureguys181 4 жыл бұрын

Unless you’re a bert fan.. then you’ve this “version” 20 times lol

@hitsfromthebong6713 4 жыл бұрын

This cross over is the fcking awesome!!! Boom Stick and The Machine!!!!

@AXLFREEDOM 4 жыл бұрын

Joe, tom, bryan, bobby, theo, chris, and joey all need to be in the movie. It would make a billion dollars

@averyshelton4315 4 жыл бұрын

Notice how ari isn’t on this list

@chris_redd2453 4 жыл бұрын

And Eddie Bravo cmon bro

@DaMazzaf97 4 жыл бұрын

Joe needs to play the don equivalent of the russian mob

@miguelbrito8460 3 жыл бұрын

Ari and Eddie have to be there too!

@kfizz21 2 жыл бұрын

@@averyshelton4315 Cause Ari drugged Bert. They've distanced from him since then, even though he thought it would be just a joke.

@lucrative6477 4 жыл бұрын

watch a drunk guy tell the same story for 5 years.

@2pacfan56 4 жыл бұрын

Hes also fat and racist

@mikebryant7087 4 жыл бұрын

New story

@tommyellis7728 4 жыл бұрын

@@2pacfan56 how is he racist?

@theroachden6195 4 жыл бұрын

Yeah how is he racist

@Bruinsman-rh2dc 4 жыл бұрын

Tommy Ellis it’s an inside joke he’s not racist lmao

@cole3685 4 жыл бұрын

I’ve heard of this 😂😂 by far my most favorite stand up comedy episode

@Casey757 3 жыл бұрын

“They had just had Indian food 😂 and I had never had Indian food! 😂. Curry! It was Curry? IT WAS CURRY!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣”

@ahol9120 4 жыл бұрын

2 of my favorite entertainers Bert and Pat! Love this!

@RealRuler2112 4 жыл бұрын

"Who gets no touch???"

@ethanconnelly8231 4 жыл бұрын

This is great. I needed this

@steveo.574 4 жыл бұрын

Bert's giggle brings me life!

@DB-zk1tw Жыл бұрын

For the sake of the future comedy Movie industry we all need to see this Movie...

@hawaiifiveohoh 3 жыл бұрын

Two of the greatest legends ever! Pat McAfee and the Machine. I am so honored and so blessed right now

@telavivjake 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for this clip, I didn't know there was going to be a movie.

@F8... Жыл бұрын

dude definatly deserves all this machine success...his first 2 stand-ups were so funny I almost choked to death lol

@josephassiryani9174 3 жыл бұрын

I didn’t realize how much I needed this in my life. This is a dream come f***ing true

@johnbreezy4902 4 жыл бұрын

Bert,lived out a real life Gta hiest. Awesome!

@content0h926 2 жыл бұрын

Igor or Sasha were the Nico Bellics

@kevinsargent 4 жыл бұрын

Can't wait to see this movie

@quest4adventure495 4 жыл бұрын

He is really starting to look like the homeless guy that lives down by minnehaha falls

@tonyolen1381 4 жыл бұрын

Yea you see him walking Hiawatha every once in awhile lol

@ShawnaGraham50 4 жыл бұрын

In a van down by the river

@fireballninja01 4 жыл бұрын

minnesota??? what

@tonyolen1381 4 жыл бұрын

@@fireballninja01 yep grew up next to minnehaha falls

@jakrispy3005 4 жыл бұрын

He really do be on the bridge contemplating suicide

@bkhog8861 4 жыл бұрын

So, whenever 2 of my favorite entertainers meet like this, SHIT! Get ready for some good story’s! Waiting for the (MACHINE) movie, Damnit!!!

@virus3935 3 жыл бұрын

I never knew this was gonna be made into a movie. But im SO glad about it

@urnansroach 3 жыл бұрын

At first, I was sceptical of the story but I'm glad to hear it's 100% legit

@joshgallegos6580 4 жыл бұрын

This shit is straight gold. My favorites sports show paired with my favorite comedian. These two boys together are a powerhouse!

@noshotnova2432 9 ай бұрын

Are posts like this actually real

@sparrow_of_doom 4 жыл бұрын

This story just keeps getting better!

@williamwest9204 2 жыл бұрын

Bert, one of the best comics out there. Pat. One of the best heels in wrestling

@paulbeltran7132 4 жыл бұрын

I never thought I would see the machine and pat - Imagine if we could get bravo , Diaz , pat and The machine on the same podcast !

@kidwave1 4 жыл бұрын

Bert is so real and genuine. He loves his wife and she is awesome and he is a great dad, ...but boy oh boy, does he have some stories!!!!

@krfrench55 4 жыл бұрын

Pat....literal. Best. Guest. Ever. And low key great XFL ideas too Bert for President

@coastalmax Жыл бұрын

Well that's the best Pat McAfee video I've ever seen. He was truly cracking up like I've never seen before. That's what Bert does to people.

@Paperplanes408 4 жыл бұрын

Dude that dog didn't move once, such a good boy

@nerdino639 4 жыл бұрын

THEYRE MAKING A MOVIE!!! HELL YEA

@MrJtdaugherty 4 жыл бұрын

Went to the show and the new material he has is killer!! And of course his old jokes are fire too.

@bitmor2628 10 ай бұрын

I just watched this movie. Best comedy ever. Top 5. And I could spend hours to find a movie I haven't seen. I had to get a job when I was 14 to pay for my movie habit after my parents cut me off. I used to have a job testing movie content before it was packaged and sent to all the major airlines for inflight entertainment. I literally watched movies for 40 hours a week for 5 years. Best job ever. This movie will be a cult classic that I will watch over and over again. Great till the last line. Perfect ending.

@jamespar3064 7 ай бұрын

Lol no

@Logandrn 4 жыл бұрын

Everyone knows deep down that Pat Mcafee is the perfect person to discuss this story with.

@siddharthkrishnan3317 4 жыл бұрын

The Machine is hilarious. I’ve got to see this movie!

@MrLuke12121212 3 жыл бұрын

The Machine and the Pat Man in the same room?? Can't be happier😎👌

@blinkerz4676 Жыл бұрын

Perfect title, it drew me in with excitement

@cathycat4989 3 жыл бұрын

I mean, I tell my story of being raised in a religious cult in my comedy routine when I do stand up. It's a great coping mechanism, because it becomes just a story, eventually. Then, it starts to feel like something that happened to someone else, and that's why comedy is the cure for trauma. Okay, not really a cure, but a great way of dealing with it.

@vanhasuden1044 3 жыл бұрын

I wonder if they could find Igor, Igor, Igor, the police officer and the teacher too and do something similar to Meet the Walking Dead where they all talk and tell the story after the movie. That would make it perfect.

@TreyM1609 Жыл бұрын

Got to see Bert Kreischer on my anniversary in March 2022, and even then at the end of his show he did “The Machine “ bit. Gotta be honest being in East Tennessee we were all a waiting for it drinking beers the whole show but he didn’t disappoint. It was an amazing show for sure!

@JasonBiggs-ht9cp Ай бұрын

Thanks for the comments keep watching my movies

@scottdoane7595 3 жыл бұрын

Wish there was a longer interview of these two

@ChachCryptik 2 жыл бұрын

Bert is literally the funniest guy ever! 😂 and how he laughs at his own jokes so genuine 💚

@PhantomFilmAustralia 3 жыл бұрын

"SOOOOOO... ...I understand you're The Machine?"

@lisasmythe3826 3 жыл бұрын

I first heard this story on Frankenstein's Lab and had to pause the video several times to wipe away tears of laughter.

@fdnyfsd 2 жыл бұрын

Love this story

@BRado 4 жыл бұрын

I've heard this part before. For sure

@kevinb314 4 жыл бұрын

Tonight, you drink with us!

@charziard35 4 жыл бұрын

My two favorite partiers in one podcast, I’ve never needed soemthing so bad

@controversiallyhonest570 Жыл бұрын

The ending made my entire life omg

@JP-dz7zu 3 жыл бұрын

Bert needs to go back to Russia and have a reunion with the two Igors. That would be epic.

@matthewkudray4840 4 жыл бұрын

Shout out to 4:20

@kenwelch198 Жыл бұрын

He's so naturally funny!

@jeremyfelix6261 3 жыл бұрын

I was contemplating if I should go 420 while watching this, by the end of your 4 minutes and 20 second video, I took it as a sign from the gods.

@mango2614 3 жыл бұрын

That dog is so well behaved cuz he knows it's the Machine.

@Gholla87 4 жыл бұрын

That Duck Hodges shirt 🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻

@brotherpanda3626 2 жыл бұрын

i love that the thumbnail has the video length at 4:20

@crackajack5 Жыл бұрын

So goin to see The Machine!!!

@bgdughby88tcp10 4 жыл бұрын

I appreciate how the clip is 4 minutes and 20 seconds... hehe

@kratos7893 4 жыл бұрын

I'm surprised he didnt take his shirt off for the interview lol

@thomaskoll3675 2 жыл бұрын

Love you burt! You are halarious!

@davida.7967 2 жыл бұрын

"The Machine" bit is phenominal!

@Ionicxz 4 жыл бұрын

I really want one of the Russian gangsters to be played by Joe Rogan

@hawaiifiveohoh 3 жыл бұрын

Which one would he play though? Igor, Igor, or Igor? :-) probably Sasha. Nobody ever has love for Sasha

@DixieWolf8 Жыл бұрын

idk about Bert's stories sometimes. He apparently had a nearly identical "touch/no touch" misunderstanding in South Africa. I believe the machine story but the guy is all over the place with some of these things. Maybe I listen to his podcast too much...

@driprubies2464 Жыл бұрын

Movie trailer come out last week and I’m pumped!

@hiehaho 3 жыл бұрын

Wasnt expecting that

@annettemcgreevy1258 3 жыл бұрын

it's somehow even funnier to me when he says it without the glow up that he does in the shows, to hear it like a real life story is so interesting, plus it actually got me interested in the movie

@teddyroosevelt512 4 жыл бұрын

Please make this story into a movie! And have Tarantino direct it!

@xxskabxx 4 жыл бұрын

I listen to every podcast he’s done. So yeah I’ve heard it. Funny af too

@hogiewan 4 жыл бұрын

Pat and Burnt Crysler are a perfect combo

@nickparks2149 4 жыл бұрын

He told this on 2 bears 1 cave.

@motorboater1020 4 жыл бұрын

the two best guys to listen to. I'd love to party with them!

@bush72j Жыл бұрын

Look how clean the desk is!!!!!

@marsonthagenie9324 4 жыл бұрын

I can’t wait for this movie I really really hope it comes out soon

@jfrazz9729 2 жыл бұрын

True story: I visited the home of my late Great Uncle Jimmy. There was a horrific smell in the house. I thought it was his body and that I was smelling formaldehyde or some funeral preservative. Oh, this was March. Got home and was met by the same smell. I then thought of it as a dead body smell. Mom was cooking corned beef for saint Patrick’s day. So had her dad at Uncle Jimmy’s. Second smell story: asked my brother to get quills off a dead porcupine for my Native American jewelry project. Smelled awful. Months later I smell this foul odor on a classmate. Why does he smell like a dead porcupine?! It was CK for Men.

@MagicCarpetRideShareProject 11 ай бұрын

Ha, some of those colognes and perfumes can be hellish to your nose. I remember this one girl back in school who was quite gorgeous and had a crush on her, but for some reason she had on this awful scent that smelled a lot like a very funky urine adjacent smell. But she was otherwise very dolled up, fresh and clean looking. It seemed clear it wasn't a hygiene issue. Of course there is whole thing with some people make that funky smell via their urine after eating asparagus, but I believe it doesn't affect everyone. To some people cilantro tastes like soap rather than a classic and great component of many Mexican dishes and fresh salsa. Ok we've went gross back to delicious and now I need some Mexican food ; )