This is exactly my experience as an INFJ. I can’t stand lying, fake people or superficial relationships. Most people don’t want me in their life for these reasons.

The truth is I prefer to be friendless than to deal with fakeness!! The older I become the less I remove myself. I am a loyal friend therefore, I need the same way!

Some points in the video: 1) Most people don't like the truth (we always eventually give it), 2) We are looking for deep meaningful friendships, 3) Most people Aren't looking for progress and self-improvement, 4) We have high standards for what qualifies as a friend, 5) We need a relationship with great communication, Cool video...thanks

As a mature INFJ, I've had a lifetime of people hating the truth. To top it off, I'm a retired private investigator..

INFJs are a blessing. They are both genuine and kind. If you don't want to befriend them, I will have them all by myself.

To quote a message I heard at my brother's church last year, "Most people prefer a comfortable lie to an inconvenient truth." And as an INFJ we see through the lies.

I think the harshest truth I’ve told someone was one of my ex-bosses. I told her she lacks leadership, communication, and overall discipline, with examples. She got mad and tried to fire me but I had already given my two weeks notice and that was my last day 😂😂😂😂😂😂

It’s not that they don’t WANT to be friends- it’s just that they don’t DARE

People are haters of the truth. They ask for the truth while expecting you to give them a watered down truth and the moment they realize you don't think like them, they hate you.

Once I accept someone as a friend, I would do almost anything for that person. My level of loyalty was seen as something scary to most people when I was a teen.

It sometimes feels like I’m friends with everyone and no one at the same time. Everyone wants me as a friend when they need me but I very rarely feel like I can turn to anyone else when I need a friend. It’s hard sometimes.

We’re very blunt and would rather sting you with the truth than to smile in your face and put up a facade lol

No wonder I can’t make friends! 😂 All the other INFJs are at home like me! I finally met an INFJ friend and love the mutual shared interests.

INTJ here. I'm not even going to watch this video. Who the heck does not like INFJ's?! Only shallow fools. Be thankful those kind of people don't like you. They'd never listen to your wisdom and just drain that beautiful heart of yours 💗 You are some of my favorite people to have over for tea and Meandering conversation. I hope this video teaches you how to either ignore some people, or tell them to piss off.😂 Big Love

Most people do not like hearing the truth while I love hearing the truth, transparency is important to me. Good or bad, I rather know the TRUTH. I don’t understand why people wouldn’t want the truth. Because sooner or later, the truth always prevails.

INFJ here. I do have friends. Very few, but loyal friends.

INFJ’s who understand who they are at their core, have healed from their past and inner turmoils of being constantly misunderstood, feeling out of place and forgiving every friendship that revealed superficiality instead of loyalty come the storm. An INFJ prospers once they start with analysing themselves first and understanding what there needs and wants are first. Once this seed is planted and decides to self nurture their own understanding of who they are, an INFJ won’t be affected by illusions of external nonsense. To reach this stage you must be comfortable in your own skin for better or for worse.

I can't tell you how many times I've lost connections because I tell them what they're really thinking/doing, and why. It doesn't half freak people out. Perhaps part of it was that I was very naive in my youth, as I came from a constantly tense, emotionally neglectful household. I really had to study people to learn social cues for my own survival, and in the process, I got VERY savvy about body language, voice, and especially the difference between words and actions. And it isn't just that people don't want to be friends with INFJs. WE don't want to be friends with most people! I sadly feel contempt for a lot of people, even while I might understand why they do the messed-up things they do.

Imagine this: you tell someone about your secret feelings and they start criticising, 'Why do you care?', they say 'You should let ys go' and they go away to a larger group. That's why I have few friends.

I'm 38 and I'm just now understanding that the world is very mean. I am a late bloomer though. Still grateful though. ❤

INFP here. Hope you don't mind me gatecrashing the "circle", but I found that I also relate to pretty much everything on here. Being an INFX can be lonely sometimes.

I've massively struggled lately. With all the chaos in the world right now. Everyone is angry, which I just pick up on constantly. It's overwhelming at times. Everyone who meets you doesn't understand you, dislikes you for no reason. Yet everyone gravitates to me when they are in distress. It's very difficult and lonely. I'd give anything for just one person who truly understands how hard it is and just gets you so to speak.

I was just talking about this to my husband (INTP) that I look like I fit in everywhere but I never seem to make friendships. People will tell me their deepest darkest secret and then are like “thanks, until next time.” It’s honestly okay with me right now as I have two kids who are homeschooled and me and my husband are very close. Couple this with extended family and I’m usually burned out socially. But it was definitely something I observed when I was younger. My friend who I grew up with seemed to make friends effortlessly and she was much quieter than I was and subdued. I looked more like the life of the party and everyone seemed to really like me yet it would never go any further than that. Once they saw the deeper side of me the friendship would just fizzle out but they still liked me and would come to me for advise. I used to think there was something wrong with me but now I at least understand. This was a great video as it highlighted things I had not readily considered.

We are super smart and interested in the world, how things work, patterns (that can be used to find connections and to predict outcomes). We have high standards for ourselves. We seek others like us for friendship, but are too often disappointed in their lack of desire to grow. They say, "That's too much work." But we INFJ's think: Why else are we on this earth? We are here to grow, to help, to do good, etc. Isn't that OBVIOUS? (I think that is our motto, much of the time: "Isn't it obvious?")

Very true, especially the "we don't like people who are self centered or quick to give harsh comments". It's very very hard for me to deal with those people ! I crave real deep friendship, but got no one except for my mom. I hope one day I will feel like I belong somewhere

You nailed it. You are reading me like a book. I have few real friends. Never fit in and usually misunderstood.

To be plainly honest, I often find myself the center of attention.. and I don't like it. Seem to only attract weirdos, people I want little to nothing to do with. I'm just out vibin, minding my business and these freaks are harshing my mellow. It happens way too much.

I guess what happened to me it's that I lowered my standards so now I actually know more people and they are "kind of" friends. To be honest, each one is good for something in particular and I can share those particular things with each of them. But to find someone who I can share almost everything with it's difficult, maybe impossible. So I lowered my standards, now an ENTJ friend is trying to change my perspective xd

I have an addendum to "people don't like the truth". My whole life I have been actively sought out by people, who want my opinion because they respect what I have to say. They are always fine with the truth when receiving it is on their own terms. They are the very people who just disappear because they want to keep doing what they're doing. Even if it means outright ghosting you, they will do whatever it takes to maintain the status quo, without encountering the truth.

What a great video! thank you! I'm an INFJ and I have to face the fact that the people who love me the most do not want to know about what is going on inside me. It's really hard. I think they find me frustrating and trying to be around sometimes because I don't want to stay superficial and they do. I'm having a hard time dealing with that reality.

OMG This is so frickin hilarious and SOOO true!! I am an INFJ. The part when he says 'they run for the hills' killed me...again, SO TRUE :)

I was talking to a welder once, about why I wanted a metal rack on the back of my pickup. After explaining about my future plans he looked at me and said, "You're a real person". Wow I've never forgotten that.

4:18 they (most people) prefer to be distracted because they can't stand to be alone with their own thoughts it drives them crazy because you can't do that for very long without finding things you don't like about yourself and need to work on which is extra difficult for those who put so much effort into picking everyone else apart and zero effort on self-analysis. I read an article a few years ago called "shocking : people doing anything but think" that I highly recommend for anyone or better yet everyone because it's good to understand this no matter which Camp you fall into

People don't like the truth and that's all I bring😂

I'd never heard of infj the last time I was in jail more than a decade ago but my infj honesty got me in eight or nine different fights in a six-month stay and you're right people all say they prefer and respect honesty but nothing could be further from the truth

Youre absolutely right about the deceitful people. I cant stand sociopaths and psychopathic behavior or narcisists. It drives me crazy when i see females being attracted to a narcisist because you know how the situation will end up in about one to three months. Its also likely if you tell them its a mistake, the person you warned will hate your guts. The best option is to let them find out for themselves. Lol

I am the new one in my Bridge club. I soon realised that the top player frequently recorded losses as wins in her favour. When I pointed this out to others, I was quickly howled down by her cronies, who wouldn’t believe she cheated, and defended her ‘mistakes’. So of course now I’m the ‘bad’ one 😞

Okay. Until such a time as the INTJ is also craving deep, deep, deepness I am back to being INFJ. lol This is literally the thing that drives me the most crazy of all. Start finally touching the surface of what's worth talking about and everyone goes skittering away, screaming "You're too deep. " Meanwhile, I'm still in the shallows, wondering why everyone is afraid of a tsunami when the water is only ankle deep as far as the eye can see!

Wow. This upload seriously hit home. I doubt I'll ever get it... All one has to do is look at *any* social media site to see how lonely, separate, invisible, and unvalued people feel; but when they finally meet someone who legitimately wants to help them fight these they sabotage it. Or worse. If most people were honest with themselves, on that single point alone, I think they'd be happier, and hurt others less. But it hurts my head trying to grasp this logic. So that's all I have to say about it. 😔

So basically... forever alone? Haha jk it's not so bad especially if you have a strong spiritual side. Well, for me at least. Wishing everyone here comfort and peace during times of loneliness.

I have always spoken out and frequently was surprised at what I said. It was usually correct, especially when there was an untruth at the core.

Thank you. I have to admit that it is my own doing that I don't surround myself with 'friends'. It's not that I don't like people in general, and people don't necessarily shy away from me. I just have a natural to keep my life simple. "Too many cooks spoil the soup", as the old saying goes.

Seems like we live in a time where this adage fits all too well," What is true is not popular, and what is popular is not true"

4:57 this is so true and so difficult for me because as a twin my first relationship with another human was on another level for almost 10 years (until we started interacting with the rest of the world on a regular basis and hasn't been right since) and it set an unreasonably High bar for everything that followed

Great video! Could totally relate to all of it. Another point is that: we INFJ will stand up for what we believe in (situations, people, ideqs etc) while others usually won't, they'll be quiet and do "what's in their very personal best interest" . When I see people that are like that... I immediately "erase them from the list" of people I wanna be around!

As an INFJ myself, I strongly recommend you take the points in this video with a grain of salt. Yes, it's true that you may be able to read other people's motivations. But often it's not that other people are "afraid of honesty;" it's that they aren't in a place where they can hear it. The average therapist can probably nail a patient's core issues within a couple of sessions, but they keep their mouths shut and wait for the patient to come to their own revelations. Because when it comes to personal development, information someone else gives you doesn't stick. Friendship is not always about what YOU want; it's about finding a place where two people can care for and support each other in a way that benefits both of them. It's dangerous to project your INFJ desire for improvement onto other people. And it's doubly dangerous to act as though you have so much to teach them/share with them/show them the "right" way. That sort of condescension is a quick route to turning off people who could otherwise become true friends. Everyone gets to travel their own path, and you do not know better than others what the path is for them. Far better to simply be who you are in as true a way as you can. Speaking from personal experience, once you make peace with your own issues, your sense of self-assuredness draws people. And you'll have learned to use good boundaries to make sure your friendships aren't one-sided.

As an INFJ. I don't mind reminise about the good old days. But I usually turn it into a teaching moment. Then I lose the crowds attention.

Heres the issue though. Infjs think they are giving the truth, but in actuality they are giving one truth when many others can exist. They laser focus due to their Ni. They like to think they are correct when in actuality they may not always be and this they struggle to even consider. They are quick to judge others cos of this and others can feel it. Also they do value deep friendships but many other types do too, just whats valueable and close in a friendship shows up different in different types. Personally for me infjs can be too clingy and close and can feel suffocating unless they learn to respect my entp ways ~ entp

So, this video popped up in my recommends and I looked up INFJ personality. I was blown away because I realized that what I was reading described me in every way imaginable. I think the last time I looked up personality types was when I was a teenager, ie. when I was still forming my own identity and decided I was an INTJ. But reflecting on the events of my adult life, as it were, I can safely say that INFJ fits who I am more. I am an idealist and am often at odds with my family for more than one reason, the biggest being them supporting people whose morality and conduct is abhorrent to me. I find it amazing it isn't abhorrent to them, too, since they raised me with certain values. I guess the difference is I stand by my convictions regardless whereas they will compromise their positions if it's someone who claims to share their values (even when there is plenty of evidence to the contrary). So, I definitely have had moments where I called someone out on their bullshit and they got upset at hearing the truth. Some of them, I still don't speak to even now. It's not a loss in my life; if anything, it means I don't have to pretend to approve of their attitude towards life or other things they do that I disapprove of. At any rate, this video and the random research topic it inspired in me have given me a renewed sense of purpose, something I've been missing of late due to being in the throes of despair at how chaotic and cruel the world seems to be becoming. I will definitely be subscribing to this channel to see what else you might post in the future. Thank you for posting this video and helping me come to understand who I am deep down, or rather reaffirm it for me.

At 61 I’ve FINALLY discovered this personality type and I’m a prototype infj. The world suddenly makes so much sense. I’ve known for a long time most people are shallow. Superficial, fake and to some extent dishonest or elude the truth. I know why im a loner and need time to myself, I’m self driven, a long range planner and think about where the world is headed. It helps so much to know I’m rare but not weird, different but not in a bad way. I’ve turned to prayer as an outlet for my empathy. I met a very sick girl in church, she was wearing a hat because she has no hair. I asked her if she was sick and her first name and I pray for her every day. I’m ok with people not wanting to hang out with me. I know it’s there problem and not mine. I too crave emotional honesty and intimacy, but if I only have one to two friends it’s ok.

Yes, I called out a major alpha player of a non-profit in 2017, have been ostracized by many of the organization to this very day. Very few friends. But the few are diamonds.

Don't like labels but I fit into INFJ personality group at this point in my life. In the past I used to use masks trying to fit somewhere, as it took me a relatively long time to discover who I really was because didn't want to disappoint my closest relatives... Now I don't crave for making "new friends", social interactions or what my family thinks because of past disappointments, plus I love to be alone🖤. I forgive but not forget😜specially when my trust is broken. Can count with 1 hand how many friends I have, without using all fingers and this is not bad. Quality over quantity

Normal people in general seem to love the surface experience with friends rather than a true foundational relationship that will strengthen by the time the storm hits. True relationships take sacrifice and work that we are willing to put in. People are shocked when friendships of over 20-60 years takes a hit and turns sour. They loved each other in the good, but when a weakness is exposed they hate eachother. The idealism of what they built falls down. I think that's why INFJs have a harder time with people because nobody actually wants all of you like that. We aren't afraid to show our shadow sides and talk about it because we know it's necessary for growth. We're good at forecasting and we like to prepare ourselves and everyone else ahead.

spot on- for someone to be considered a FRIEND to me ..let's just say that group is for a precious few. We have to be able to be our true selves, speak the truth, and allow others the space to do the same. No time for superficial relationships.

I wouldn't say I'm all that good at reading people. I find friendship quite difficult.

Sounds like INFJs have the same values in friendship as I do, INTP. Not that I'm good at feelings, but I have other ways to get at them, and am interested in learning more about that.

I was the only one to call out a family member on their bs. Everyone else just sat there watching them lie, knowing they were lying, saying absolutely nothing

Thanks Jay! Your video made me laugh a bit too!! So true that others are "scared to death" by interacting with INFJs for their honesty and emotional closeness.

I really think it is because they get so easily offended at the tiniest of things, and many are very emotionally unstable and lash out at people over the most trivial issues. Who wants to be friends with someone like that?

I have door slammed a lot of friends and family. I take the abuse and then beat myself up for it. As I am getting older, door slamming has been a blessing. I have like 2 friends. My 3rd friendship, I have put an end to it after a little as I was trying to get to know the other person better she was way to negative and harsh. I was very understanding at first thinking she's going through a difficult time trying to help her and coach her but it had no end to the point she started critizing me and expressing jealousy. I was done. I can't door slam this one completely as I run into her but I am very distant and I take extreme measures to avoid her.

INFPs also craves deep and meaningful friendships and are exceptionally good at reading people. I find comfort in truth and find falsehoods stressful to deal with when no one is willing to look at it. The other issue is too much empathy and need for stronger boundaries.

Everything in this video's so true! And I even can see futher. Now I can see that I wasn't born a INFJ and most of my childhood I had another personality, but due to many things that happened I was shaped by this situations.

Hi, Brigid from Australia here. I just want to thank you for this discussion tonight on INFJ’s and friendship difficulties! I haven’t been able to actually put into concrete words what I’ve been experiencing, but you have done it beautifully! Thank you so much! I am looking forward to joining your Facebook circle, thank you so very much! Namaste🙏🌈💚

I wonder if being friends with other INFJs will bring friends who can connect on the level we crave.

I once called out the manipulative tactics of someone in middle school. She was lying and manipulating my friend and I had to step in.

Asking an INFJ to join a social circle on FB lol. After about 40 years I'll just accept it for what it is, people I talk to don't like the way I talk, I'm not like the rest of my local community and I have just come to accept what is

No truer words have ever been spoken--most people don't like to hear the truth.

Stalkers , unfortunately my apartment is filled with stalkers. As a true lnfj, I hate them...I don't even know them and they fill my life with hatred

I’m an ISFP and I don’t know what I’d do without my INFJ best friend.

I think my grandmother is in INFJ. She had little friends actually just 1 friend she told me.. Didnt care about being popular just wanted to live a simple and peaceful life. She believed in hard work, being a good person and having values. Took her forever to finally retire. She hates lies so much. Taught me to tell the truth. Punished me if i lied and rewarded me if i told the truth. Some days she reprimanded me for lying but at that point i thought it was justified to pay for lying. Anytime i faced a moral problem or wanted to get back at someone i went to her. She really listened and would give me an answer that i didnt want to do but i knew was the right thing to do. I tell on myself if i mess up. My mom is more of a person who was extremely empathetic but gets easily burnt out and lashes out when she is burnt out. My little sister is even more empathetic. And my grandfather had a heart of gold. My dad also believes in values and aiming for a life of peace. I think i am in infj because of my upbringing. It was strict but fair. Especially with my grandmother. I also met friends with this type of personality. Years later even knowing i am an Infj. I am now practicing to be me. I usually cut people out of my life who are being toxic towards me. But usually my gut tells me to not go there or connect with that person. I think we see the best in people. I had a friend that suddenly my gut was telling me to severe ties with because of who i am. I believe in God and i am a catholic. Shes the opposite. She didnt like her long time friend preaching about the bible and i haerd her complain of cutting ties with her. I dont know how to explain this but it was if i could see where this relationship was heading to. I would never ask her to change. I learned that. When i am friends or in a relationship with someone i automatically become everything to make them happy and even practiced what they believe in. I had friends who lived smoking pot and guess what i was smoking pot woth them even though i was raised not to do those things. For my sake and my kid's sake i learned that i have to be pretty selective of who i am friends with and who i am partnered with. The moment i mafe this decision i started to become more grounded and felt like i recovered myself. The people who i hang out with have similar values on God, working out and growing. Those things are important for me.

I relate so hard with this. But my question is: How do you cope with feeling misunderstood, with not feeling validated enough, with not being able to talk about everything thats going on, that others don't seem to want to improve theirselves and you have to watch them stay miserable and just wait until they are ready? How do you not feel misunderstood, lonely and rejected? How do I lower my expectations regarding other people? How do I not care about them not caring as much as I do? Is there a video about that?

All the time, bradda. Sometimes its a hindrance. Its counterproductive to say that you wish you were oblivious but people trying to set you up and lie is so obvious. With me its been a priceless blessing.

I’ve learned to “never cast pearls before swine”. It’s painful to see some of the people I know let their extreme political views mix up with their authoritarian tendencies, but they can’t be helped, well at least not by me.

Thank you for your kindness and caring. Your fellow INFJ 💙

Infj you can be alone and peaceful or in a group where you feel more lonely and misunderstood.

That always happen to me, thats why I'm alone. Simply wonder why the people can't be honest and loving and loyal just like me. So sad truth 😞 😢

I did call out a friend, we are no longer friends.

Well I am so glad to hear that my expectations are in alignment with INFJ always found it trying in society to attempt to have friends

I think I should play this on a constant repeat 😅 How many times am I deceived by seeing the good in others while there's so little there. It's so good to hear a human voice and folks in the comments who appreciate the truth. How I wish I was born a hunter gatherer when they were still free to roam the earth in alignment with nature. 💗❤💗

This is so true. INFJ here. Although I have very few friends that understands and accepts for who I am. Which is really nice. 😊

This resonates so much and makes me feel better about certain people from my past. I have no need for many friends though. A few genuine ones is more than enough.

Love this!!! It is so true, absolutely 😂

This was a great video...describes me to a T. I have few friends and zero acquintance-type friends...those are a waste of time to me. I've always been able to read between the lines with people...and I would say if actions don't match words (which they don't in a lot of cases)...I'm out. I've always been a black sheep kind of person...in fact even black sheep don't want to have anything to do with me...but the feeling is mutual. And being alone seems the best fit for me...I avoid BS, hassle, meaningless coversations and wasted time. Thanks for posting this!

The comments all resounded with me! We are just "too much", right?

Im not an INFJ, im an ISFP, but i believe in justice, integrity, and loyalty to your friends and family. I want someone to be vulnerable with who will also be vulnerable with me. i crave intimate and meaningful relationships. I also have been told my standards are too high for friendships

I think that i am an INFJ .it's sad and beautiful in the same time.

All spot on! So accurate!

As always, y'all nail it! Thank you so much... incredibly helpful stuff!

I may not be a true INFJ but the comment that struck a nerve that I've told a lot of people is that i consider most people in my life as acquaintences. I have a higher standard for people i consider a friend. I've learned to go it alone. Sometimes I'm sad sometimes I'm lonely. But it beats the alternative that I've lived.

This is downright frighteningly accurate.

I was told by a life coach that a don't know how to be a friend after I told her I don't believe in blowing smoke up people's ass, I tell what I see.

Been struggling how to find friends who can just be honest with me. My best friend is also an INFJ. She's an INFJ-A and I'm an INFJ-T. I have some "friends" who are trying to mince their words when talking to me & my BFF but we already sense the lies. The fake smiling faces are hard to look at, let alone that high pitched voice pretending to be friendly. Oh yeah we can see right through those people. Haha! Thanks for this video. 😊 To my fellow INFJs, let's stay true to ourselves and the real ones will stay. Sending hugs to everyone! 🤟☺️

I also love and enjoy read people's types just by looking at em, interacting with em, and those sorts of things. It helped me with figuring out my dad and brother for some reason and my finding proved to be truth of what I was curious and couldn't pin point about them 😊

Never seen a more relatable video 🥺

Me an INTP who having an INFJ sister and an INFJ friend. Life is comfortable with them. I'm so thankful.

I love watching these videos because no one can understand an INFJ as well as another INFJ’s lol for a long time of my life I felt like ‘an alien’ but I have learned that it’s beautiful to be different and never to be fully understood by others even by close ones. But as long as I understand them haha 😂

I am 64 and I have only lost friends over time. My friend of 50 years who claimed to be my best friend, suddenly last December, said he no longer wanted to be friends. He refused to say why. It may be due to the fact that the last time we went out with a fellow friend I called him out on a lie. He had previously even admitted it was a lie but thought that his story was more entertaining than the truth. That may have been the breaking point for him, and I am shocked that he'd choose a lie over me after all the gifts and time I have given him. Everything said in this video is true and is why most of my friends have left. I am too intense for them.

Great video;. All of it was really right on target. I wish you would consider having the group somewhere besides FB. It is precisely because of my love of justice that I want nothing to do with FB.

I’m an INFJ and I also like a deep friendship but I find it pretty hard

I'm constantly learning,love helping and improving. My friends are intimate and honest. I see fakes a mile away and feel no pressure to keep them close or fit in with small talk. I find fakeness the worst. Had a very good friend, who was affected by a fake person, and gradually became more like her. I miss that friendship still, even though I shouldn't.