this past week was national eating disorder awareness week and this is something i feel strongly for. at 15 i was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa & while i "physically" recovered, i never psychologically did. i continued poor habits and went through continuous cycles of binge and restrict. during quarantine i started to become obsessed again. back in november, i started to fall back into my old habits. in december, i wanted everything to disappear so my pain would end with it. every morning began with crying. i hadnt felt so low in so long. i hadnt felt so alone in so long. so i started to journal. i journaled every. single. feeling. i turned my journal entires into a script. i began to film my little victories and losses. i started to document my journey. through therapy and seeing a nutritionist and having a better support system, i found a life so worth living. there is SO much to look forward to. a life that doesnt revolve around starving, binging, etc. i learned that not everything i do, needs to be shown online. i can recovery in silence. i can grow in silence. and i can share my story after. thank you to anyone who has been patient with me and my channel. losing myself made me lose so much more with it. thank you. while im still not recovered entirely, i am at a way way better spot and this is advice i need to keep pushing. if you're looking for a sign to recover, this is it.
0:22 - i think this was the first day i realized it wasn't all in my head
02:28 - documenting my thoughts when i wake up
02:45 - thanksgiving dinner. one of the worst days mentally.
03:38 - my dad came to see me, he was worried and my heart shattered
04:55 - my first therapy session
05:15 - another rough day. decided to document one of my many breakdowns
05:57 - this is how i fell in love. this is how i recovered.
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💛 intro: feelings - lauv
💛 outro: 3:15 - bazzi (cover by paige,amelia,reva, and i)
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-Vanessa Nagoya
I DO NOT OWN ANY MUSIC FROM THIS VIDEO