it's really sad how much aroalls or even sex favoring aces don't get recognized, so I'm really happy with you there that they did mention it. I'm an apothi aroace, overall anattractional, but I always make sure to include the various ways of being aro and/or ace or whatever other a-identity, because we're not a homogeneous mass that's all just "no romo, no sex, no libido, all yikes". it's a spectrum for a reason, right?

YES, OMG! we have so little representation everywhere! even in fanfiction, i've been searching for aroallo content and I just don't find much! feels kinda lonely

@@KassWinnie agreed, I think I only know 2-3 works that are alloaro and I literally have over 15k bookmarks on ao3.

@@Fen_Fox im aro ace and i read ao3 all the time and if I ever read romance for a ship I like I always get annoyed how there always has to be smut in it like I don't get why people want it so bad - and I agree we definitely need more alloaro fics

is yes im so happy theyre covering us!!

Same

Thats such a good decriptor, lol!

Lol, same

i never thought about it that way, Imma borrow that!

it's like everyone is my sibling and we're not in alabama

Awwww, why can't u b my roadside assistance 😂😊

What's the difference between Agender and Nonbinary?

@@jaemelancholy1684 agender is a subcategory of non binary, because non binary just means any gender that’s not either 100% man or 100% woman

@@jaemelancholy1684 Some agender people (like myself) also class themselves as non-binary and some don't. For me, the difference is non-binary could be genderfluid or agender or a third gender or other such gender identities. Agender is identifying as not really experiencing gender or having a neutral feeling gender. For me personally, it means my wardrobe has both male, female and neutral options depending on whether I care how I look that day in terms of style not masc or femme or whether I want/need my clothes to be more practical or have pockets or able to get dirty etc. Keep in mind this is not all agender people, just me. It also means I do not relate to my natural feminine frame and organs and want a more androgynous frame. I have suppressed natural female cycle stuff with hormones, but that also helps my health because my body was having that in a more unhealthy way which did not help my gender dysphoria when I was younger. I am also researching options about the top half because I am on the... bigger side up there, let's put it. And it is exaggerated even more due to me having a slim build. But not all feminine framed agender people will go to these measures or feel this negative about their natural born frame. I also have always done more masc or gender neutral hobbies. I am also not the kitchen, cleaning and clothes caring type, more the gardening or tech solver in my house. I have also never wanted to be a nurturing mother or parent at all for that matter. And I don't understand the feelings or associating with a gender and those organs. Again, not all agender people are like me, some relate on some of these points, some are completely different. But I hope that helped a little bit.

​​@@christinewalker7242 agender feels stupid to me because of how much the word gender has strayed away from what it was meant to be. Yeah they might not feel like any gender, but then they still have to CARE about what gender they are if they want to have a relationship, especially if its reproduction Besides, what the hell is feeling if youre a certain gender anyway? Based on gender stereotypes?

Yeah, this is something that unfortunately doesn't get a lot of nuance in a lot of online spaces... It's such a pet peeve to me when people make sweeping generalizations about any behaviors or traits _definitely being a trauma response_ or _totally never related to trauma_ when people are complicated and can't be simplified like that, and you see it a lot when people talk about ace/aros (and sexuality/attraction in general). Some a-spec people are a-spec because of trauma. Some aren't. Some are a-spec and have trauma, and either know they're not connected, don't want to dump energy into introspection just to please some rando's curiosity/accusation that they're connected, or don't care if they're connected because it doesn't change the fact they are who they are now. All are valid, none are automatically less or more a-spec, and none of these automatically need to be fixed.

Plus, people who have trauma are more likely to seek therapy, so that's what therapists see.

So true. I experienced this recently. My therapist was very for me being in a relationship, because he wanted me to be loved. I entered one as someone who didn't want one (aro), ended up with trauma and still kept convincing me that I should consider a relationship in the future. Like no, everyone wants me in a relationship but me!

@@1x56 That's messed up. Your therapist should realize that there are plenty of other ways to experience love besides having romantic partner. You still have friends and family (and if your family of origin is a problem, you can still have chosen family). Your therapist shouldn't be feeding into the stereotype that aros don't experience love. I hope you can find a different therapist who will respect your aromanticism.

@mirandarensberger6919 Yeah luckily the therapy ended last month but to be honest he was quite weird....would say me attending therapy was proof of me being able to be in some sort of relationship, saying we were in one. One good thing about that experience is learning about aromanticism and that that's how I identify. Everything started to make sense. Now I can relax knowing I don't have to waste time dating or finding romantic love. It's very freeing

Beyond sex: A review of recent literature on asexuality Author links open overlay panelJessica J. Hille

By the way, biology is hard.

​@@ihorarkhypchuk4168 asexualism =/= aromantism

I never did that nor was planning a wedding pushed on me. But school pushed a romantic agenda so hard in health classes from when I was like 8 and I hated it. But I thought in order to be valuable, I had to have those emotions. So I pretended to have a crush on someone. It was very robotic how I chose who it was, very robotic how I talked to others about it, very robotic how I had this whole plan for my mum and sister to find out about it. But it worked cause I was already the weird quirky kid so of course that's how this weird quirky kid would act with crushes. Funny thinking back on it now because now I know that is not how any of that works and I don't experience that and now I'm the weird quirky queer nerdy gender-non-conforming person. But unlike when I was a kid, as an adult, instead of only getting on well with people who share all those characteristics, now I get on well with all the weird people and all the quirky people and all the nerdy and all the gender-non-conforming people, and let me tell you, all of those people are cool and probably the most interesting members of society in my humble and not at all biased perspective.

I don't think I planned a wedding, but I distinctly remember a girl in Kindy going "ok so now we say how many kids we'll have when we grow up and pick their names." And every girl in the class getting involved and fighting over names.

I remember doing that in my friend's house a lot, we'd rehearse walking to the altar on repeat. Truly I just really liked the "marriage tune" and the pretty dresses, it was the most platonic feeling ever for me lol

Wait, people did that?!

felt that, i always used to see marriage as an inevitability when i was little, and dreaded it so much. the day i realised i didnt have to get married if i didnt want to, god i was _ecstatic!!_

This exactly, it didn't cross my mind for a few years that a criteria for having a crush included wanting to actually be in a romantic/sexual relationship with them

This is exactly how I spent so much of my life, until I figured out I was alloaro.

yeah i dont get it either, idk how much romantic attraction i experience and i just dont understand it and its so frustrating

Mood. I even got married... >.< I kinda didn't get that it's a romantic thing - not knowing what romantic actually is.

@@somni4867 personally my "crushes" were also for men, but aestethically I prefer women. I think, in hignsight I was hyping myself up to develop more intense feelings than I actually had, because I was under the impression that I was supposed to. One of these crushes I could basically feel deflating in real time as I realized I was aroace. I've later regognized that I get similar feelings for girls/women, but overall I don't get the "crushes" as intensely anymore. I think it's very different for each person - and even people under a same (artificially created, though still useful and descriptive) label will experience things vastly differently

Ngl I kinda like Alphabet Mafia...and Los Gibbities

I just call us the Rainbow Nerds

Queer can be used as a good umbrella term

MOGAI was also used this way! (Marginalised Orientations, Gender Alignments and Intersex)

i saw an interview of a person saying they use QUILT BAG instead :D

so am i and i love 3racha we're twinning rn

@@lxnce1557 OMG YAYY !!

@@lxnce1557 my bois spitting fax locked and loaded fr

@meow omg it’s the slaykeeper 😦

Just like me fr

You don’t need to live together in order to experience queerplatonic relationships; it’s more of, being in a type of relationship with someone that isn’t strictly romantic or sexual, but also isn’t necessarily platonic

It’s another form of attraction, just like physical attraction that Corey was describing earlier (the feeling of wanting to hug someone or otherwise be non-sexually physically intimate)

Exactly! Anyone can be in a queerplatonic relationship, regardless of if their gay or not. Even allo people can experience it.

If it is alright for me to add to this! I have also read that in situations in which someone has a QPR and the parties are actually cishet in some regards but aro or ace in other regards, they may call the relationship Quasi Platonic Relationship instead of Queer platonic.

@@cryptidkyle5528 I have also heard of that! Thx for the addition, always good to see a different perspective.

Also just want to add there is alterous attraction and alterous relationships. I'm a little fuzzy how they all fit together, but my understanding is alterous is somewhere in the fuzzy area between platonic and romantic, and the relationships a similar if not the same as QPRs. The information I could find was fuzzy on that last bit. Some saying QPR is purely a queer thing and alterous can be anyone, others making more or less of a difference.

@@DemLep This one I've not heard of, but I'm happy to learn a new term! Thx!

So my understanding of the term is a bit different. The term Queer really just means different if you look back historically. From my experience and that of others, a QPR is a platonic relationship that is different from what most consider one to be. The people involved don't have to be gay, it is entirely possible for it to be between cishets. To me a QPR is when the people involved view each other in strictly platonic manner but people viewing it might think you are dating or something. You might do things like hold hands, cuddle, make out or other things but you do them out of friendship, not out of romantic or sexual feelings. Friends with benefits could be considered a QPR in this case.

I love reading such detailed explanations, but although it seems kinda obvious, I feel like there has to be more nuance. I, for example, can't distinguish what made me fall in love with my partner since it was her body type (as weird as it sounds) that made me determined to ask her out. But we are both demiroms and grew to love each other from a couple of just good friends who called themselves a couple. But in general, this explanation is very interesting, and it explains the general cornerstones. Thank you

❤

i always heard secondary attraction as emotional bond and not things like personality and skills though

I think demiromantics are op. I think it's much better to fall in love not with some random person but with someone you know and have some relationship with

I really hope this comment isn't upsetting to anyone, my intention is not to be invalidating in any way, I'm just genuinely confused and want to understand. I'm very willing to hear from people who disagree with me and can help me understand this better. For reference I'm aromantic. The difference between primary vs. secondary desire, as you've laid it out, makes perfect sense to me. Allo relationships would definitely seem to be driven by primary desires of wanting to be intimate/romantically connected, so if someone is motivated to perform those activities by a secondary desire, that would certainly not seem like an allo experience. However I'm confused by the first part where you distinguish between primary vs. secondary _attraction_ because I can't find a way to distinguish what you've described from the experiences of of most allo people. Plenty of allo people are not strongly or primarily motivated by appearance, voice and other 'external' factors when it comes to romantic attraction. For most allo people I've spoken to, while external factors play a strong role in sexual attraction (though even that isn't universal), romantic attraction is primarily based on what you describe here as secondary factors. Most allo couples I've asked said while they might have felt sexual or aesthetic attraction based on the other person's looks, they only really developed romantic attraction once they got into conversation, and their romantic attraction is primarily or solely based on personality, values, talents, humour, outlook on life etc. This is very normal, surely? Of course there are some people who 'fall in love at first sight', but in my experience that's a small minority not the norm. I find it hard to understand how developing romantic attraction based on personality rather than appearance makes someone demi... by this definition it sounds like the majority of people would qualify as demiromantic. Based on mainstream media, and many couples I've known in my life, a classic example of how romantic relationships develop would be starting off with some sexual and/or platonic interest, starting to get to know each other, and then after a little while realising you want to be 'more than friends' or realising "oh, I _like_ like this person." It's rare to hear of people who just instantly had romantic feelings based on someone's looks. But by your description, wouldn't all those people be labelled demiromantic? Am I completely misunderstanding what you meant? On the other hand, the model of demiromantic people requiring strong emotional bonds and significant familiarity before attraction occurs does make sense to me, since that is something that would be a clear distinction from 'typical' allo attraction. Allo people don't need a strong emotional bond or longstanding relationship before they start to feel attracted to someone - for them the attraction usually develops early on in a relationship, and the emotional bond and familiarity builds after the onset of attraction. So if someone never experiences attraction until they've already formed a significant bond with someone, that would definitely seem outside of the 'norm' and therefore makes sense to label it as a different identity. I really feel like I'm missing something here, and I'm worried about invalidating people's experiences or seeming to gatekeep the community. If someone can explain these distinctions to me in a different way I'd be very grateful! To be clear I have no wish to tell any individual how they're allowed to identify, even if I don't personally understand their experiences... however it does feel misleading to me to spread the message that if you get attracted to people because of personality and not looks, that automatically means you're under the aro umbrella.

I also greatly appreciate the discussion of the financial implications, I resonated with so much here. My wifesband and I got married for financial and practical purposes, we had plans to get married when we were just friends with no attraction, it just so happens that we eventually became attracted to each other in romantically and not just platonic and sexual

wifesband? 😮 I've never heard that term before! what does it mean exactly? I can see that it's the words wife and husband combined together but in what scenario would this be used?

​@@arsena5209 their wifesband is probably some flavor of gender queer or trans. And tbh as a trans person im definitely going to use that one if i ever get married platonically or romantically

@@arsena5209 hello! I am just now seeing this response so sorry for the late reply, but as someone else stated(thanks btw!) my partner uses the label non-binary but that being said he doesn’t feel particularly drawn to claiming being cis or trans, and feels the most seen when referred to and acknowledged as any combination of feminine, masculine, or neutral. So I use he/she/they pronouns for them, and I interchangeably call them my husband, wife, spouse, or as you noticed, wifesband! It’s just my own personal little nickname, I’m sure someone else has used it before or something adjacent but I thought it was more fun than spouse which can sometimes sound formal to me, and I use it online and when talking to folks who are more aware of queer gender identifiers and can figure it out pretty quick

I think my partner might be aro. But idk. Gonna find out in this episode. 😂😂😂

I also make tax jokes with my QPP. We don't currently have any plans to get married, but if we do we want a photo shoot where we hold up a sign that reads "friends with (Tax) Benefits"

Hey! I’m aromantic and bisexual and I completely relate to what you’re saying. I love being single but I also don’t mind being in relationships, especially since I’m not ace and I do experience other types of attraction. I used to think I experienced romantic attraction because I had friends who were very affectionate. Then I realized I didn’t actually want romance, I just liked physically affection and all I needed/wanted was a friend who would cuddle me, hug me, and give me affection but without the constraints of labels or a relationship. You may want to look into QPR’s, it sounds kind of like what you’re describing. As for meeting other likeminded people, it’s definitely hard and I’ve found because of the stigma and societies obsession with romance and monogamy that many people are scared to talk about stuff like this but if you put yourself out there a bit (terrifying, I know) and just let people know the topic is open to you (whether that be open relationships, or aromanticism) you’ll find there is a lot more people like us than you think.

Thank you for the insight and hope all works out. Also, it's nice to know that people who are very little happen to be open to these things

If I may recommend a good resource on relationships (poly, ace, co-parenting, etc.), the Multiamory podcast and community has been helpful to me. I primarily listened to them when I was first learning about polyamorous relationships and how they can take many different forms.

I'm arobi and have the same perspective on relationships. I've been broken up with because I can't reciprocate the love my partner has for me, and told by others that they can't be with me because I will never be able to fulfil the romantic needs they have. With more visibility I think we'll be able to find other people like us. Although I certainly wouldn't be opposed to living by myself for the rest of my life 😂

I might suggest fetlife, see if there are any non-monogamous events near you

@@casm1532as far as I can tell, a more accurate description would be cupioromanticism. It’s like aegoromanticism, however cupioromantics want to be in a romantic relationship even though they don’t feel romantic attraction. Aegoromantics simply enjoy the idea of romance, but don’t desire any form of a romantic relationship for themselves.

I am somewhere on the spectrum as well. But for me, it's more like I really need to know someone to develop feelings. Sexual attraction is different. I feel that a lot and I have no problem with hook up or ons

okay, I said that I'm ready for an allo confusion but their experience with romantic attraction started to confuse me: people feel that??? everyday I learn something knew, wow

i like to joke that my aroness bled over to my gender and sexuality, because me realising i'm aro also helped me realise i'm agender and ace

Call that either a scream or a battery cell AAA

As a nonbinary aromantic bisexual, I like to describe myself as “Sexual attraction: yes, Romantic attraction: no, and Gender: maybe?” So not exactly the same as checking boxes, but I see you

My friend is aroace and agender and when she came out our other friend just said “So you’re aaasian?” (she is asian btw)

I read through your essay and I'd like to say: Green is a beautiful color. I found out that I'm demiromantic last year after a long talk with my partner about queer identities and how to handle differences as she is demiace and I'm allosexual. In the same talk I came to the conclusion I'm pansexual but that I'm demirom opened my eyes on why I was never attracted to anyone in my class in my school. Did group assignments but completely ignored the girls in class, no desire for romance. But I had a childhood friend which unknowingly broke my heart when she started getting partners. I never had any interest after that, any desire was purely physical and not really deep, also just thinking about dating gives me the same vibes as thinking about a due assignment. Not good 😅 As I read many comments under this video like yours, who had bad experiences forcing themselves into relationships definitely not fit for them...that makes me glad that I'm a lazy bum who learned that nobody was interested in him and thus didn't give a shit. If nobody is interested in making me a nervous wreck, then I've got more time on The Elder Scrolls IV Oblivion, babyyy. Jokes aside, I sincerely hope you found a comfortable place now. Take a rest, I answered your essay with my own. That's just what we do.

tumblr is where i go for aromantic community. it's great over there. there's also a few subreddit, uncluding for memes.

Very real on the lack of ability to find spaces. Honestly the only time I feel like I’ve ever seen a large public outpour of other aros/arospecs was in the Kpop community when TXTs song “antiromantic” came out and everyone was making aro memes lol

Being strictly Aro can be such a pain! My mother use to constantly badger me about getting into relationships. I always ended up shrugging her off - never felt that way and always wondered what "love" actually meant. I was apparently in a romantic relationship once but it always felt like a work contract. Didn't realize how they really felt until it was over. I've found a lot of kids saying they are "Aro" just because they can't get into active relationships. I have to bite my tongue really hard. I hope you've found a good place for yourself.

yup it gives me fomo tbh.

I'm so curious, what is the difference in your experience? To me it sounds like you're just describing romantic feelings so what is it about them that makes them not romantic to you? (not trying to say it's invalid in any way! Just curious because this type of description often trips me up in aromantic discourse) I myself am probably a little bit on the aro spectrum so maybe that's why I'm confused! Haha.

Sounds like a queer platonic relationship. At least from ur side

That has a name, queerplatonic

@@beanbean4563 I can't speak for op, but I have a similar experience, so, I guess the only way to describe it is like, you might love your siblings, but you don't love them romantically right? It's kind like that. It's as deep a connection as one might have with a romantic partner, just in the most platonic of ways.

> It still took me until I was 18 to realize I wasn't bi like I'd thought, I'm aroace, and the roughly "equal" attraction I had to everyone regardless of gender was actually zilch - what I was actually feeling was either platonic, or gender envy. I also thought I was just bisexual for the longest time. When I realized that my feelings of romance were never there to begin with it also hit my like a ton of bricks. "Love" has always been a confusing concept that I filled with novels and TV shows - an interesting concept. One thing I also found lacking was the desire to have children. It was just never there. Would it be cool to have a "little me"? Sure. Was I gonna go out of my way to do it? Na, probably not. People around me just never seemed to understand it.

I'm alloaro too and have had sexual relationships with friends. I often enjoyed cuddling with the friend after sex actually. But maybe that's because I'm very cuddly and kind of clingy. ^^ I also like to combine friendship, sensual attraction and sexual attraction to a person to be ready to actually engage in sexual interaction. So I guess the sensual attraction usually makes me wanna cuddle the person anyway. And I enjoy nudity in general, it's not necessarily a sexual thing to me, so... I absolutely get the being grossed out in general though! I think it can be called romance-averse or romance-repulsed. It's definitely not insane. It's a thing. I wouldn't associate it with the word incest though. But I think I get where the word choice is coming from. Maybe it's just about the fact that we would be equally repulsed by the thought of romancing a member of our family, let alone engaging in sexual interaction. Most people would be grossed out by those things and that comparison makes it feel more commonly relatable, maybe. What do you think? But anyway, I think your experience is already relatable on its own. E.g., I totally feel the part of kissing being firmly sexual. I wouldn't enjoy the sensual experience on its own in most cases. And I have to kind of repress the thought of it possibly being a romantic gesture to be able to enjoy it. That works sometimes but it definitely doesn't work anymore if it's used as a public display of affection for instance. The urge to show your love to the world, that seems to be a specifically romantic thing to me. (Like shouting out to the sea with outstretched arms: "I love Charlie Spring, in a romantic way, not just a friend way!") I think I'm repulsed by stuff like that and it can damage the other kinds of attraction I may feel to that person. You know what I mean? And I'm sure I don't have particularly serious commitment issues. And even if I did, that's just not the point. It's okay to be repulsed by stuff. That's just our orientation. I'm a gay guy and tried out sex with a woman once. Didn't seem to be my jam. I don't think I was particularly repulsed by it. but even if I was, that would just be me being me, I guess. No hate, no insanity, just part of my orientation. That's my take on being romance-repulsed. Btw, I enjoy romcoms and stuff in a weird way. XD

Totally someone who can have sex with someone but doesn’t want to engage in kissing because it’s too intimate, too “romantic”. But of course I’ve been in relationships where I want to do both because I’m attracted to them in that emotional way. I would consider myself grey aromantic but also can have sex without feeling in a way some assume straight men can view sex.

YEAH. I'm in a QPR too and I generally describe it either like that or like, "friendship with more officially stated commitment". Which is a little more specific to my partner and I's relationship but describes us pretty well.

Oooh thank you for this! As someone who's sometimes been wondering if I'm aromantic this was very interesting to read and reflect on. It's hard to me to grasp the ~feeling~ of romance. I think I tend to not feel that longing and deep desire which is often linked with romantic attraction, but emotional and sensual attraction are profoundly common for me. I just feel those things towards many many people, it's not really tied to pair-bonding. I tend to not get so attached to anyone that it'd feel hard to be without them (also meaning that I get over break-ups so fast I almost feel ashamed by it). So I guess I'm either very romantic or somewhat aromantic?? I have no idea. I'm just confused. Luckily there's relationship anarchism...

For me the thing is addiction, I never felt addicted to someone, I can get very enthusiastic but as soon as they tell me they were not having a good time all I could reply was "then leave? I'm not forcing you to be around? why do you want to be around me if you're not having a good time?" turns out it's not that simple for them ^^

I’ve really never thought of it this way. This made me instantly appreciate the full acronym more.

sameee

that last bit is so relatable! As a trans guy, for a long time people liking me repulsed me so much because I thought they only liked me for the femnine aspects of me. This was only amplified when my first real relationship in highschool was with a guy who faked being a trans girl and saw and treated me like a girl.

Lol, yea. Had a lot of trouble explaining I'm aro/ace to my girlfriend when I figured it out. Specifically the aro part because they thought I wanted to change our dynamic. No, I just wanted her to have greater clarity into what I was feeling and wanted. So she wasn't as confused by my preferences 😂

Omg I completely hear you! I’m aromantic and bisexual and my love language (platonically) is physical touch. I love physical affection and tend to be naturally flirty so people just assume things about me and my feelings all the time. When I was younger people kept telling everyone I had a crush on one of my guy friends when I didn’t and even my friends were like “you like him, just admit it!” I totally hear you, it’s so frustrating and can feel very isolating.

I couldn’t have expressed it better, literally me.

1:11:18 welcome to what it's like being aro 👐⬅️these are jazz hands. Even larger statistics studies that are for the larger LGBTQ+ community from organizations that are very progressive tend to skip over us 😐

1:12:26 I want further clarify amatonormativity, because the definition you gave is not fully exploring the full concept and implication. Amatonormativity is the normative belief that a monogamous romantic relationship is desired by everyone and good for everyone. There can be further tie ins to what this relationship should look like, such as straight, with children, married, never divorced, etc, that has further implications for everyone, including people who are alloromantic (the opposite of aromantic/experiencing a normative level of romantic attraction). There is so much pressure and so many expectations on everyone that a monogamous romantic relationship where you get married and live in the same house, and views platonic and other similar relationships as secondary (personally I think there should be more words to describe the relationships between people because I feel like there is more complexity, but that might just be me). It's like the friend zone. It's often described as sad, and secondary to a romantic and sexual relationship. It's also emblematic of the phrase "just friends" which again positions friendship as secondary. You can also view amatonormativity as a source of destruction for community building. A lot of gay rights movements died down as soon as the right to marry was passed, even though more necessary rights are still needed, and ignores trans rights entirely. Then on a smaller scale, the way the idea of a romantic relationship coming before all other relationships as a way of isolating people is also really important (best seen through the friendships of men, where men will rely on their romantic relationship for all of their emotional needs, in comparison to women who will spread have support from several different friends and relationships). By placing so much emphasis on romantic relationships, it's much harder to create a community that can help and support people because "all you need is a romantic partner"

Sounds like you figured it out. Theres no need to quantify your feelings on a graph if you can describe them as eloquently and insightfully as you just did. It sounds like you have a developed unterstanding of yourself and theres far too many nuances to that to put a non-nebulous point on a graph or spectrum

I'm definitely asexual, but when it comes to romantic attraction, I feel very similar to you. Tbh, it's nice to see that someone else feels the way I do, that I feel romantic attraction but am not interested in the typical idea of living with and devoting the rest of my life to a singular specifically romantic partner. It helps me feel like I'm not crazy or wrong or immature in some way

You don't have to pin yourself down to a specific point on a graph. There's a lot of gray area. Yes, pun intended.

Aromanticism and asexuality are a spectrum, you can fall anywhere on it and still call yourself aro/ace. My biggest pieceof advice to anyone questioning whether or not they’re aro is: If the label makes you feel good, or feel seen, or feel connected to a community, then use it. It doesn’t matter if it fits perfectly, it doesn’t matter if you experience romantic attraction sometimes or to some degree, if the label resonates with you and it makes you feel good then you have every right to use it.

Anyone can want and be in a queerplatonic relationship, regardless of their sexual and romantic orientations. It’s not an aroace exclusive. BUT aroace is also a very wide spectrum of identities. Many aroace identities do consist of feeling some kind of attraction in very specific situations. You might be greyromantic/sexua (feeling little to no attraction) or demiromantic/sexual (only feeling attraction after an emotional bond has been formed, ex. Only falling in love with your friends). Aromantic and Asexual are umbrella terms.

I remember when I figured out I was aroace in 2017 and felt a lot more confident. In health class, sure they had started to be LGBT+ accepting, but they still said we would ALL want to have adult intimate activities and we would ALL have romantic attraction and we would ALL need to participate in it to have kids. My parents never put this pressure on me, but school health class did. I felt so horrible and broken because I had never had a crush, I desperately wanted to avoid having adult intimate activities and I did not want to dedicate 18+ years on something I didn't want. So even though there wasn't a lot of resources, when I found the term in 2017 when I was 16, I no longer felt broken. I had probably known I didn't have those emotions since I was 8, I also didn't know because I did not have the language to vocalise it which was so disempowering. I am so glad that even my younger cousin, who is only 8 years younger than me, had that language already when she was 12. My almost born youngest cousin will have it from an even younger age. Whether or not they identify that way, they will be using more inclusive language that will stop people like me feeling broken for so long. And it will help them understand that romantic relationships aren't everything, which will broaden, diversify and enrich their own lives so much more.

Hi, I just discovered I'm aroace (cupio-romantic though). What does "loveless aro" means ?

@@grenade8572 it basically means that I don't feel connected to any kind of love including non romantic

That's so cool! I am aroace and want a qpr, but there aren't apps or events for that where I am unlike with dating, so I figure if it happens that will be amazing, but not sure if it will. Hope it does though. Just want someone to chill, play video games with, own a dog with and I want to be able to care for someone else that feels special to me when they need that. I think that would feel and be amazing.

That sounds great! I'm alloaro and a qpr sounds like something I'd be interested in. But I'm also still confused and insecure about that stuff and have so many questions. About exclusivity, for instance. I'm wondering if you guys would consider multiple qprs. And as aroace, if you would consider a qpr with an alloaro person, theoretically. And how you would feel about them having sexual and more kinds of relationships with other people.

OMG AN AROACE CHOICE I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE

@@junheetequiero hi💜no, i'm sure there are many aroace fans out there ;)

@Sakatoya yeah it seems like it with a name like a.c.e aroaces probably would be interested lol but i was a choice be4 I found out I was aro

@@junheetequiero me too!

same same same

same to the toxic crushes thing 12 year old me was a toxic asshole stalker to girls I found vaguely interesting because i was so insecure

yeah! :D

There is a school of thought where a person can be drawn to certain genders no matter their current gender. Even after reincarnation your preferences may not change.

aayy hello fellow aroace!