“When you're 20 you care what everyone thinks, when you're 40 you stop caring what everyone thinks, when you're 60 you realise no one was ever thinking about you in the first place.” - Churchill

"You will stop caring what other people think about you when you have something in your life that's more important than what other people think." Deep

A friend of mine told me once: People who dislike you will find reasons to do so.

I would like to add something that I observed in myself: the more I think about others the more I tend to believe they think about me all the time, too. This is usually the case when I am feeling low. When I‘m in a good mood I don‘t think about others that much, instead I Start focusing on me and the things I like.

My psychologist asked me, "Do you want everyone to like you?" I replied, "YES!" He replied, "No wonder you're messed up."

Honestly you are the only person on the internet at this point who makes sense to me.

So true. I used to be embarrassed by my writing and my attempts at playing music. As I got older and enjoyed playing and writing, I wasn’t gonna give that up regardless what anyone’s opinions were. Now I have written 3 novels, multiple screenplays I’m shopping, and made some new friends with similar interest who legitimately care and support what I love to do. Almost all my friends have come from writing or playing music at this point. And it’s amazing.

The last one is so true. When I cared the most about finding friends, I had only few pretty shitty folks around me. When I finally found out my purpose in life (I want to become a literature & arts proffesor at the local university), I had started thinking more about this, reading more, going to art events more. Now a lot of great people whant to be my friend, but now i don't actually have enough time for all of them, so i have to choose people very carefully to not f*ck up my spare time. As a result i don't even have to care about what they think about me, I know I have their love and respect as much as they have mine.

I feel like “self love” and “self acceptance” plays a role in it too. I was at a restaurant and a guy dropped a glass, everyone went “oooOOOOOOOO” and instead of the guy getting embarrassed and looking down...he embraced it, stood up and bowed. It was cool to see.

I’ve been addicted to learning on KZfaq for 12 years . This channel by far has had the best impact on my life. Thank you Mark for being a hero !

'You will always crave social validation but you can change who you seek that validation from': Mark Manson

This is sooooo deep but it helps me realize why teaching was the bill I chose to die on. Our students need better educators, in my opinion, the fate of the world depends on it. And though I’m mocked and ridiculed and misunderstood, I come to work daily to be with my students because I want them to know that someone cares about them having a quality education and achieving their dreams. I pray that their future selves will thank me.

Truth. This is the shortcut I use: 1. Know myself (this makes it easier to boldly act with integrity). 2. Accept the fear. Turn it into excitement if you can. 3. Do it anyway. Say the scary thing, do the scary thing, be the scary thing, whatever. Even if your body and voice are shaking, and you feel like you're going to pee yourself. Be faithful to yourself first and just do it. 4. Accept the consequences. Let people filter themselves out of your life if necessary. The trash takes itself out. 5. Repeat as often as necessary, and allow yourself to take guilt-free breaks from the process. It does get emotionally taxing, and we all need rest. Just stay self-aware, and be honest with yourself about what you're doing and why. 6. Enjoy the way life magically comes together, and notice how things seem to easily fall into place when you're living in integrity.

I can't express enough how much I love this guy. Wise, intelligent, educated, funny. Grandiose!

I stopped caring when I realized they have no power over me

I’ve only recently (2022) realized how much I cared about the opinions from people that don’t give af about my goals & success. My mind shift took a hard right turn & now I’m in a business mentorship program,, surrounded by likeminded entrepreneurs 🙌🏾

You will stop caring about what other people think about you when you have something more important to care about.

Very true, my kids asked me "mom why don't you care if people don't like you?" My answer "because I'm responsible for you, for loving you and keeping you safe, that's what I care about, and those who dislike me for it, well I'll just send a prayer their way". Yeah my kids changed my whole life for the better 🤗

Your philosophy is like a shower. Refreshes, energises, releasing stress and rise up the mood. Thanks Mark 🤝 You rock man😃

best advice I ever read....and now live by...."Its none of our business what other people think about us" !!!!

“You wouldn’t worry what other people think of you if you knew how seldom they do.” A smart man wrote that

There are many reasons why someone may care too much about outside perception. Trauma, childhood neglect, attachment issues in early life. It can be healed. But you have to find out and work it.

6:25 This is actually brilliant. So the conviction deep in you of what you are doing as being right shields you from caring about what people think. You don't care about the applause and you don't care about the insults.

The way you integrate and verbalize concepts and theory is fircken fantastic. As a licensed therapist for 20+ years I salute you.

I'm 66 and have worked at this my whole life. I started out not caring very much what others thought. When I was a small child I got in trouble and blamed others and my Dad said "If everyone jumped off a cliff would you too?" Standard Dad saying but it stuck. In my early 30's I went to nice restaurants by myself bringing no distractions like something to read (pre-smartphones). All the wait staff would ask over and over "Are you waiting for someone?" I just sit there waiting for food and self-consciousness maxed out. Slowly I got it into my subconscious that people around me really don't care about most of my life. I'm not the center of the universe. If you want to do anything you need to test the results. If you just "think" or "feel" results you'll BS yourself. It's what brains do. One of my tests was the "death test". If I died right now what would my relatives or others find in my home? How do I feel about that? Would I be embarrassed? Cognitively I know I'd be dead and the dead don't get embarrassed. But it's the subconscious that matters because that will control cognition function. It took years but slowly I was able to get to...yeah, don't care. IMO an easy test is if you're on social media...you care a lot what others think. Way, way more than most people did 50 years ago. Social media is addictive creating a harmful feedback loop of caring way too much what others think. Absolutely we should care what others think but only at a healthy level. Very basic level. You don't want neighbors to hate you and not call police or the fire department if our house is compromised. But it sure isn't important that neighbors think you're the great human being to ever walk the Earth either. Keep to yourself, keep your property up, don't make a lot of noise and you're good. And yeah I get posting a comment on KZfaq is social media. This is how I journal. Typing helps me organize and think about my thoughts. KZfaq works for me because I can turn off notifications so I don't see responses. When I click away the comment fades away. I assume almost no one reads comments, especially long comments. But, yeah, posting in a public space does still push up my desire to appear articulate and not a complete Mo-Mo. It seems healthy, but I'm not sure. Definitely uses up too much time so even journaling is addictive.

Damn that analogy about the burning building hit me hard.. you've given me a lot to think about

This is incredible. Thank you. Especially for the harsh part at the end. Helped me double-down and focus on what matters most to me.

I'm becoming one of those people that find being alone more fun and relaxing than being with other people. Idk if that's good or bad, but as long as I have food, home, a job and my technology, I'm fine.

All you have to do is get older. The older I get, the less I care about what people think of me.

This guy always has what I need to hear.

I always loved the saying 'when you're in your twenties, you care what people think, when you're in your forties you stop caring what people think, when you're in your sixties, you realise they weren't thinking about you anyway'.

I recently had this sense of self awareness that what I'm most seeking (socially) right now is a person that understands my thoughts. I was wondering why, and I got the answer when you said just find better people.

*you dont get invited to the prom* "Now i know how my grandma felt when she got cancer " 😂😂😂😂😂

I found that when I really started accepting responsibility for everything that happens to me, it helped in this area as well. When you control your life, a lot of those insecurities slip away.

1. We must care what people think to some degree to function in society (we aren't psychopaths). 2. Social rejection is associated with dying 3. We need to decide who is important enough to us that we would seek their validation (choose your friends wisely). 4. You will stop caring what other people think about you when you have something in your life that's more important than what other people think.

When I was young I usually found people swearing funny but it all changed because everyone started using it negatively and/or with less humor. You brought it back, absolutely hilarious! You deserve a diamond medal.

No quite 60 years ago, when I was in my teens, my mother told me nobody was thinking about me when I wanted to fit in by wearing clothes and make-up I saw others wearing and I should get over it. Fast forward to my late 30s and I finally internalized the lesson after attending an EST weekend. EST was mostly bunk, giving people permission to be total assholes, and totally selfish. I quickly rejected most of it. The one thing I took with me was the idea that people are so busy thinking about what YOU think of them, they are NOT thinking about you. It was freeing to understand that people, including me, are more concerned about how they appear to others and they don’t actually think what you think they are thinking about you. With that I pretty much quit caring what others thought of my looks, and a few years later I totally quit wearing make-up. It’s fucking expensive and I never learned how to apply it properly (my mother never wore much more than lipstick because she wore thick glasses so no eye make-up), and I never felt comfortable, always thinking I had on too much or not enough. I had finally, fully realized no one but me truly cared how I looked. Now I feel and live with the thought that if you don’t like the way I look without it, well, then you don’t have to look at me. That feeling spills over into other parts of my life as well. I am easier speaking in public without the worry of being judged by the people I’m speaking to. I stand up for myself and others now, when before I would have hidden in the back and tried to pretend I wasn’t there. Part of the transformation was simply getting older, but a huge part of it was realizing people are inherently selfish so I could be myself without worrying about what others thought. Truly freeing.

I'm Brazilian and I can perfectly understand your English, but it doesnt happen with other KZfaqrs. Thanks 4 sharing all this precious knowledge. You go straight 2 the point and what u say is NOT all that usual bull shit we find out there. Tks. 🇧🇷💙

Basically, focus on stuff that is worth being embarrassed and losing friends for as long as it's something good, and get along with the people you actually want to get along with

Going through my spiritual awakening and adopting all of these spiritual practices have made me the oddball to my old friends and family, but to my new friends (my chosen tribe), my journey is inspiring and hopeful. So yeah, I care so much about my healing journey and bettering myself that I'm not afraid to look like the weirdo or a fool. I know my journey is helping me heal and grow and thankfully along the way, I'm finding those better people who get me and appreciate me. Thank you for the great advice! Even though I'm finally living this way, it's helpful to hear it and reenforce the lesson. Love & light to all! ❤

Sometimes I wish I was a psychopath some parts of life would be easier.

I started writing songs at the age of 61, started voice lessons at 64 and started recording my songs at 66. I released my first album this year. If you like my music, great. If you don't, you don't. My joy in being able to express myself in music is more important to me than anyone's opinion.

Moral of the story.. find your purpose in life and work on it so intensely. Then, people will start respecting and loving you.

I appreciate you and your meaningful words. It's clear that you speak from the heart.

I absolutely love your down to earth no bs attitude and your sense of humour

I hit 30 and I literally stopped giving a fuck about what anyone thought about me. I had a rough time of it in my 20's and even though I always tried to do "the right thing" I still got slammed for it. Roll on my 30th birthday and I made a pact with myself that each day I would try to care a little less about people's opinions. Baby steps. Do my best and if my best wasn't good enough then fuck em. Well seven years into it now and life is so much better. I am my authentic self and to my surprise I have friends (and good solid ones at that). People that really like me for who I am. Not the fake-ass ones that I put on a pedestal throughout my twenties. So if you do one thing for yourself (and don't wait until you are on your deathbed)...tell someone you can't stand to fuck off today. You won't regret it.

This is epically simple and wonderfully digestible info that literally could change the world if this message was integrated by more people. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart thank you. I'm sharing this with my teenagers who have such and incredibly difficult overlay on top of the already manic circumstances of growing up and becoming individuals, while living the insane algorithmically driven alternative universe that is internet. I feel so empathetic to what they must be going through without any of the context, experience or self confidence to navigate this existential crisis we call life.

"What is so important in your life that you're willing to be ridiculed for it?" -helping other people probably. Very much like that burning building example.

You have a true gift for delivering philosophy while making people laugh at the same time. Your point about prioritizing what you care about is infallible.

Great stuff here Mark. Clearly the product of far too many pensive moments and deep analyses of one’s self. Most of us are far too frightened at the thought of what we may find behind the veil of our outward facing lives to examine what’s behind/beneath it. Kind of like that quote: “The truth is not for everyone, only those who choose to look for it. “ You choose to look 👀. So hey 👋; not that you should care, but I think that’s a good thing and novel quality. Cheers !🥂

What an exceptional post. Thank you. You hit the nail on the head!!! I regret that I am seeing this two years after the fact. But, I do have two of your books!!!

Good message. I’m struggling at work with how I’m perceived, so this feels timely to me. To everyone out there that feels isolated at work, or left out from an adult clique-there are people you work with every day who appreciate very much what you do, or who benefit from what you do. From the depths of KZfaq, in this age of weirdness, here’s some love to you guys. Mark, thanks and 🥰

I'm an engineer who is working my side career of eventually becoming a full-time working actor. Many married people thought I should just settle down with a wife and kids because it's what normal people do. Meanwhile I'm making new friends and new projects while enjoying the process of doing something new so much I didn't know they cared if I followed their expectations. Their loss!

This is so true! Caring what others thinks is such a big energy sap. This resonates so much with what I found when I was making a video on the topic too

People who have a genuine and noble sense of purpose to their lives will care about the opinions of very few people, and those will be the ones who have exemplified their goals and values. Also, this sensitivity fades with age. Caring becomes less about feelings and more about doing. Cheers and thanks for the great video!

I don’t know why but when he said “cheetahs can run fast as fuck” I lost it 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. This video was a mood lifter!! Love it!!

My only form of transportation is a scooter for past six months, but I just bought a vacant lot in woods a half hour from beach in Florida. I am very solid in my choices. My millennial daughter cares about what others might think of me, and hasn't talked to me since scooter purchase...Thanks Mark!

Thanks man keep up spreading this type of good news we need people like you in the world today

A real salute to you Mark. Not pretending. Thank you.

I think it's very hard to completely stop caring about what others think about you. The idea instead is to identify your purpose and values in life that are important to you. Live your life according to those values. So even if people disapprove of you, it doesn't affect you so much. Because values and sense of purpose are more important than the opinions of others.

the most important thing in my opinion is valuing the act of being who you are. listening to your internal voice rather than that of others is opposite in nature to seeking social validation, and caring about being genuine helps you to manage with other people not liking you.

Great point! I've always had the point of view about what other people think about me is that "it's mind over matter." I don't mind because what they think of me doesn't matter.

mark's videos changed my perspective.i started watching them because i bought the subtle art and wanted to know the writer before reading it. Worth it.

I spent the first 40 years of my life worrying about what people thought about me and stressing continually about how can I change myself to suit their needs so that I won't be left alone. Then one day I woke up and realised that I already WAS alone and the only reason I had spent so much time and energy trying to please everyone was to ensure my safety. I noticed that throughout all of this I had become completely self sufficient and I honestly did not need anyone. I could be, and in many was I was, that individual you had been pushed out of the tribe and left for dead. But I did something NONE of them could do and that was survive. And I didn't even have to be a bad person or a-hole to do it. I just did what was needed to keep on going to make it to the next day. don't get me wrong here, I would LIKE it if people all liked me and wanted me around, but I know that's not going to happen and so I assume it won't but enjoy it when it does. I can say with absolute certainty that there are only FOUR people on this entire planet that truly matter to me. Three of them are my children and I'm not counting myself. These are the only people whose opinions of me matter to me. The downside to learning this about myself is that I found out that I honestly do not care about people or society. I've been living on the outside for so long that it has become very comfortable for me and I actually prefer it. Sure, it's good to come in from the cold now and then and warm up beside some kind-hearted people but once I've had my fill I'm heading back out again. In doing this I learned another important lesson: I do not have to seek out anyone. They will come to me. One of my friends calls me "The sage on the mountain" in that I have something others want and if they are willing to put in the effort to seek me out and show me that they are worth my investment they will gain a LOT out of it. But until they do I'll sit there happy in my cave in quiet contemplation and keep all my secrets to myself.

I have a hard time not letting people's words and judgements towards me affect me. It bothers me all of the time when strangers say things and when so called loved ones and family members say things... The weird part is I like how you said to be around better people. I've really been realizing lately that that's the solution to my problems.

I'm sixty and I will explain the caring what other people think problem. It has everything to do with how much you care for them. If people you love have an issue with something you are thinking or doing, you care. If a stranger does, you most likely don't care but here's is the thing. If people you love disagree enough then the only solution is to dial back how much you care about them. It's kind of a dilemma. I have had this happen to me. Years ago someone I looked up to very much seemed to disagree with me on quite a few things. The only remedy was to quit looking up to them. I didn't really want to but it did solve my problem with them. This is how life works.

Your content is always on point and from an unexpected angle too. Making sense. Really appreciate it. Thank u

"Just find better people" ---"If you believe in something so strong that you're willing to be ridiculed for it" Mos definitely Mark. My art would be the answer and lately I've been working with getting over writer's block that I had since fifteen years ago.

I wish I could give more than one like! I especially like the point you made at the end about prioritizing what is most important to us over other things, like “what other people think about me”. My wife and I have been married over 22 years. We are a mixed race couple. I fell in love with the person that she is. We have dealt with people that were against our relationship, but it doesn’t matter to me. I have a beautiful, intelligent, faithful woman in my life. She has borne and raised our children with me. She has pushed me to be my best. I don’t care what other people think about our relationship.

Wonderful man, this is what one can call collection of wisdom ,intelligence and humanity 👏. Imagine our world full of people like you. It would be much better place.

Myself. Which includes everything. From growth, to habits, to love to I don't know.

I give a sh!t everytime Mark uploads a video! 🙌

“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending...” ―C. S. Lewis love from a small channel 💙

The smartest and the most valuable video about this topic ever seen! Congrats!

"You care too much about what other people think, is probably because you don't have something more important to care." Strongly agreed with you. While it's true that having a sense of purpose or passion can help a person focus on what truly matters.😁😄😆😆

I love how Mark Manson just swears with so much class and grace, like Samuel L Jackson! :D

The only feedback you get from others drives our fear, motivates us, or hinders our progress. It is such a dogmatic practice, we don't even question it. Great introspection about our human coping mechanisms.

Simple , strong , brilliant !

For me it’s the tension to truth and progress and finding the real interest in all that truly connect with you

Brilliant advice Mark - you are wise beyond your years (that’s what lots of learning, knowledge and life experiences do for a person) thank you. 🙏

The thing in my life I could be ridiculed for (and have been), is my music. The stuff I write and record. Laugh. Hate me. Go ahead. I'm doing the best I can and it can only get better! Great video. Great advice. Thanks Mark!

"There is nothing worse than trying ti be validated by someone who is supremely selfish" This.

Mate, you're one of the few people who genuinely make me laugh. Love what you're doing.

7:29 this made me realize that the important thing is me. I'm more important to care. I'm worth caring so much that I wouldn't mind being ridiculed over. I've sacrifice my mental heath for people all my 16 years of my life. I've made so many different personalities that go with different people that I don't even know who I am any more. I don't have a personality outside being around people. When I'm alone, it's scary because it feels so weird, not having my own personality. Just being a mixture of other people's personalities. But that's stops here. I've cared too much fr now. People are always gonna judge me. I just gotta learn to accept that and realize, their opinions shouldn't even matter. If it's not going to better me, then why should I care, right? Thanks Mark. I needed that❤

The main takeway for me is that in order to not care about what other people think of you, have something more to care about and live your life in accordance with that thing, not by seeking validation, or experiencing embarrassement and letting that take over you.

"They've surrounded themselves by petty, shitty people." LOL. Omg, I needed to hear this. I am obsessed with finding the good in everyone and it blinds me to the fact that, though that may be true, if there's a whole lot of shit you have to get through to find it.... it just ain't worth it. Sigh.

Considering that each of us have 3 distinct 'archetypes' of tribes (family, friends and work), it seems to me that this video advices is more easily employed to "friends-tribes". One can't find a new family... one can only work with - or dismiss - the family they were born with. Yes, one can definitelly find a new "work-tribe", but that shouldn't be as straight-forward considering the complexy that arrives from career plans, financial strugles and other constraints (like skill-set and geography). Will surely buy and read the book in order to dig deeper into this subject. Thank you Mark for helping me - and many folks like me - better manage how I deal with other people's perceptions of me. It truly helps.

I love how you communicate, straight to the point which for someone like me who is incredibly sensitive as the effect of toughening me up lol also give a raise to the editor, I always laugh watching your videos :)

Yes so keen to watch! Been a massive fan of your last 3 books and only just discovered your channel!

Reading books has really skyrocket the way I think about investing. Indeed, no one has ever got rich by saving money. If you want to become financially free, You need to Invest. I've come to realize that the key to amassing wealth lies in making sound investments.

It is one thing not caring what people think about you but another caring what people do to you.

Needed!! Thank you Mark for this perspective ❤️

*5 ways to raise your vibration:* *1. Smile and laugh* *2. Do what makes you happy* *3. Eat a healthy diet* *4. Workout* *5. Meditation* Love from a small channel💙

I don't care what people think, but I care very much about the interaction we have with one another

I retired, moved to a beach in baja and avoid other people like the plague; problem solved!

Hey Mark, I love your transition to KZfaq! You're doing a great job and giving us all a lot of value. I really liked your older style of videos where you talk about ideas and concepts like "The four stages of life" and "Why you will never be completely happy", and I would absolutely love to see you post more videos like these.

Thank you Mark! Keep doing more videos like these, this is fricking awesome! 😎

What a great take! I love how you articulate your thoughts, very effective.

05:50 mins: That bit with the kid and the guitar... 🤣🤣🤣

Yup. Solid observation