The Terror of a 'No'

Рет қаралды 421,716

7 жыл бұрын

We miss out on the finest opportunities of our lives because of an underlying terror of a very short word. We should overcome the fear.
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FURTHER READING
“There are many things we want to ask of other people. We want to ask for a job, for money, a chance to collaborate, a kiss.
But we often don’t ask because of The Terror of a ‘No’.
Why should a ‘no’ - such a small and innocuous word - prove quite so painful, so hard to hear, so much something we’d rather die in penury, ignored and unfulfilled than ever encounter?
It’s because it’s not a case of trying not to hear a ‘no’. What we are trying to do is avoid hearing something quite different: that we’re disgusting…”
You can read more on this and other subjects here: goo.gl/QTFQ48
MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE
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CREDITS
Produced in collaboration with:
Tracy Foster
www.tracyfoster.co.uk
Co-directed & produced by Tracy Foster & Simon Biggs
Animation by Simon Biggs
Sound Design by Howard Sinden #TheSchoolOfLife

Пікірлер: 782

@DoggoStudio 7 жыл бұрын

the timing for these videos is uncanny .... literally just got a no from a job offer

@formidablesloth1806 7 жыл бұрын

Adeodatus229 best of luck with a future interview! ❤

@hijack69 7 жыл бұрын

Adeodatus229 Oh No

@zimshadows 7 жыл бұрын

Sorry to hear that, I'm sure you will find something better. Have a nice day!

@Galaxia53 7 жыл бұрын

You're gonna hear more no's than yeses in your life, but the yeses are more important and worth more than the no's.

@aminajay3707 7 жыл бұрын

Adeodatus229 this video somewhat made me feel better and I'm sorry about your job... you can so much better (:

@sethdickfield2949 7 жыл бұрын

One of my favorite high school teachers gave me this quote: "Its almost always better to do something and regret it than regret not doing it."

@henryaung596 6 жыл бұрын

Seth Dickfield the Facebook pictures I got tagged in would argue otherwise... What I was thinking when my friend and I decided to share a hot dog!?! 😂

@JazminSalim-tc1of 6 ай бұрын

Almost

@CrystalblueMage 7 жыл бұрын

If you are a big enough introvert - you might even be more afraid of a yes!

@m.a.t.a.s 3 жыл бұрын

Perhaps it would be wise to think about the effects of "yes"?

@dragonking1835 2 жыл бұрын

@@m.a.t.a.s its easy to Get stuck on those thoughts th

@naweznirwan6290 7 жыл бұрын

"What we should really be scared of is not a "no" but reaching our deathbeds unfulfilled." ❤️

@xangoytusalud 7 жыл бұрын

I was going to ask a girl to Prom today. The timing of this video was just perfect.

@sirrparker47 7 жыл бұрын

Good luck bro

@hijack69 7 жыл бұрын

xangoytusalud All the best..Tell us later what happened

@ladylalazarus 7 жыл бұрын

Good luck! :)

@zimshadows 7 жыл бұрын

Best of luck! :)

@echomulus307 7 жыл бұрын

xangoytusalud worst case scenario if she says no just drug her

@nicobambino191 7 жыл бұрын

"If the say no, then their plans are wrong"- the Narcissist

@TheSimcraftFixion 7 жыл бұрын

I learned not to fear rejection. Now, I'm more afraid of not trying. We only live once and you should do what you wanna do! 😃

@TheSimcraftFixion 7 жыл бұрын

😛

@Bananenbauer123 7 жыл бұрын

The biggest problem might be, that we feel like 'No'es are a turn down of our fantasies. I remember back then, when I had my first crush. The most painful 'No'es are the ones we enterpret as a rejection, a rejection of all the hopes one amasses over time. It's like popping that ever growing bubble of anticipations. And you realize how childish you were, that all of it was happening in your head and you projected those expectations on someone that couldn't know a thing and you made yourself go trough hell. You feel like an idiot when you stand on the other end of that tunnel and wonder - was I ever in control of myself?

@cocolove9916 7 жыл бұрын

I love his voice ! I could listen to him be a narrator for My very day life 😂😂😂

@bolivar1789 7 жыл бұрын

Hello there Chanel Lane! So I am sure you would enjoy his documentaries too. All of them have a life changing quality. He has another youtube channel where you can find them. To find the channel just search for the documentary " Status Anxiety". If you search for Alain de Botton on Itunes you can hear him on several podcasts too. My favourite one is an " On Being With Krista Tipett" podcast where he talks about his latest bestselling book " The Course of Love". That's really the most meaningful and profound conversation I have ever heard about love. Best wishes!

@cocolove9916 7 жыл бұрын

Thank you for the recommendation!! cause as you can see I'm a huge documentary fan.

@scottjohnson4985 4 жыл бұрын

Chanel Coco me too xx

@sirrparker47 7 жыл бұрын

I've been building up the courage to ask this girl out for a while. I think it's finally time

@yesssirrskiii5925 7 жыл бұрын

Longer you wait the harder it will be!

@nadin3000bieber 7 жыл бұрын

Your username explains lol

@sirrparker47 7 жыл бұрын

Nadin Qarawi Lol

@PSIChris 7 жыл бұрын

Shy Guy Wait! ask her about her dating plans first!

@alexanderSnilsson 7 жыл бұрын

Hey man, I feel with you.. take a look at the my vlog I filmed this week, try to give some good adivce on pushing yourself (MYSELF). At least I'm progressing, so have to be doing something right!

@TheModernInvestor 7 жыл бұрын

The fear of "no" is what keeps most people broke. You'd be surprised how many people fear telling people their economic plans for the future for fear of being ridiculed, even from close friends and family.

@rahvithecolorful 7 жыл бұрын

I have social anxiety and a horrible self esteem. I'm about as afraid of a yes as I am of a no, because I feel completely incapable and undeserving of following up in case I actually do manage to get a positive response.

@pluto40433 7 жыл бұрын

honestly I love it. Fucking same holy shit. It would be a fucking pause if she said yes. I get more motivated to do shit like that when my friends dare me. The rejection just feels better.

@brianmcclean2481 7 жыл бұрын

This is not entirely true. Sometimes a NO does come with a huge insult or a put down to make you feel lesser. Most people are afraid of NO because they have had horrible experiences with it, otherwise there wouldn't be a fear

@CrystalWilliamsoncoach 7 жыл бұрын

One of the Four Agreements is the not take things personally. This helps with hearing the word NO!

@aayushisanadhya2536 4 жыл бұрын

Yes! We need to remember, the vast majority of the time "No" doesn't mean "you never deserved it".

@mjknolegarmino7505 7 жыл бұрын

afraid of asking someone because of rejection, now realizing that it is not that person rejecting me, but me rejecting myself

@disabledandproud5556 2 жыл бұрын

My dad always says “Ask, the worst they can say is no; and if you don’t ask, you can’t get a yes.” This video just went into more detail about that same message I’ve been hearing my whole life! Thanks!

@Astharia 7 жыл бұрын

now a video on "the terror of saying no" please

@OmegaTaishu 2 жыл бұрын

Being said a "no" is still much better than being ignored

@redhat7025 7 жыл бұрын

Thank you! The worst anyone will say is 'no'

@RandolphCthulhu 7 жыл бұрын

A yes can be terrifying too. Best to know exactly what you want before you ask.

@Shlooomth 7 жыл бұрын

as usual, helping me understand something about myself without making me feel like shit. you guys really are heroes.

@popeye5648 7 жыл бұрын

I honestly have no idea were I'd be in life without you. you saved me from many things and if you read this then I just wanna thank you for everything.

@TheVente1 7 жыл бұрын

"Can you get out of bed and do something with your life?" "No doesn't fit in with my plans, sorry."

@ethancothran3188 7 жыл бұрын

Communication is important, and in my relationships it's my opinion is that no question should be forbidden. Honesty and respect, for me, leads into a settled outcome without a lot, if any, unnecessary conflict.

@phoenixx8963 7 жыл бұрын

It painful because it is very true Being an Overthinker makes "no" and incredibly painful process,both saying and receiving

@thegoat5141 7 жыл бұрын

Powerful stuff. It's the first time I nearly cried watching a video on this channel, and as Dictator I should not be revealing my weaknesses in public. My love life is very unfulfilled, even when I see a woman is showing interest in me, the thought that she could still say no terrifies me.

@marcosdiaz2054 7 жыл бұрын

An African Dictator Give them political rights. Girls love political rights.

@breadman8544 7 жыл бұрын

Marcos Diaz lmao

@thegoat5141 7 жыл бұрын

Marcos Diaz They have to love me more than anything in this world, that's all I want. That is why I became Dictator

@nathanblake3647 7 жыл бұрын

This channel is perfect. The lessons you give on a day to day really do make an incredibly positive impact on my life. I am so grateful for the work and effort you place into every video and the regularity of which you guys post! We are so blessed, keep up the great work!

@18YOLOL 7 жыл бұрын

Overcoming fear of rejection is possibly the toughest battle one has to fight. Yet the reward for victory is also arguably the most meaningful.

@kayleighc3159 7 жыл бұрын

literally no one in the poll said they wouldnt consider it. this seems obvious in retrospect and is honestly really comforting

@dcupmusic 7 жыл бұрын

So true! Ask more - and be more prepared for a no

@primavera3989 7 жыл бұрын

This channel has enriched my life and transformed some dark sides of my personality!! Thank you so so much

@pericaperisic2039 7 жыл бұрын

Video's like these are the reason why this channel is one of the best on you tube. Talking about problems that people face day to day and helping them understand the problem. And understanding the problem is a step closer to the solution.

@the1wholikesthis 7 жыл бұрын

As they say, when you're old you most regret the things you did not do.

@mephistophelesthesilentchi3446 7 жыл бұрын

"No" isn't the problem, it's people's expectations.

@formidablesloth1806 7 жыл бұрын

Love you guys so much! Thanks for posting these videos wish I had such guidance when I was younger.

@kalenalexisbeauty9102 7 жыл бұрын

SO TRUE!!! My mom said to me "No, you can't date that boy." I was 17 years old then, and now I know it's because it didn't fit in with her plans. Now I'm 19, and married, because those fit in with my plans.

@flash-gz1hu 3 жыл бұрын

The lives you're touching with these nuggets of advice packaged in cute animations

@ottertotter5932 7 жыл бұрын

The impact of this film felt like a sledge hammer.

@upandatom 7 жыл бұрын

I swear School of Life has been reading my diary...

@NITHINNNEYYAN 2 жыл бұрын

will you give me 1 M ??????/

@TheFSF 7 жыл бұрын

I find fascinating how the narrator's voice transformed into a certain 'conscience' for me, as if it was the same entity pronouncing the words of wisdom in each video! I find this soothing

@KajsaBernhardina 6 жыл бұрын

This is one of your BEST videos ever! The information, the advice, the animation... spot on, well done!

@the_real_Kurt_Yarish 7 жыл бұрын

I've been trying to pump myself up to ask for a girl's number, this was the exact reminder that not trying is a wasted opportunity that I sorely needed.

@CarlosArias-jk5wn 7 жыл бұрын

The timing of this video was perfect thank you so much

@spencerokeefe438 7 жыл бұрын

I have social anxiety. I think the real problem, though, is that I'm not good at carrying conversation.

@hodcor 7 жыл бұрын

I tried to get a random date in person today, then this appeared on my feed. Thank You

@pijmleko6 7 жыл бұрын

It's amazing that these videos show up when you need them

@LuneFromage 7 жыл бұрын

Just when I was thinking about telling my crush that I like him this video comes out. It's amazing how universal this fear of rejection is.

@Omfgwhtavid 7 жыл бұрын

I find it hard to say no, and I end up in situations that I hate

@dolphmilitia 7 жыл бұрын

So so so so impactful !!! Thank you . This video has affected me in such a profound way.

@ApolloX_Games 7 жыл бұрын

The fear of no is nothing.The fear of honesty is horrible.

@sofiavillalba2404 7 жыл бұрын

As always, a beautiful video. With outstanding animation.

@twinkiesmaster69 7 жыл бұрын

I have a social anxiety disorder

@jessewynn5508 7 жыл бұрын

Isn't it strange....? You are over there afraid of me, and I'm over here afraid of you, yet we'd probably both be very nice to each other. Take a chance on "me" at some point. : ) I'd recommend watching Jordan Peterson's video on how to fight social anxiety. I know it can often times feel impossible to overcome, but due to my own experience, I know that it isn't. I wish you the very best!

@metawyrm 7 жыл бұрын

Who doesn't these days.. (so do I)

@bluejane8089 7 жыл бұрын

Same struggle over here

@redking4909 7 жыл бұрын

same, i think its because we don't know new people what they would offer to us what they would think what they would say, its all because we care too much about other people and try to fit in society, you must be different and do different things from what society offers that is the only reason you and i and many other people have social anxiety, i am getting rid of this by not giving a single fuck, doing what i love,getting rid of people who are trying to force me to be something and being authentic where ever you go, being authentic outside is better then just being what they want you to be.

@Stringz 7 жыл бұрын

I have had a social anxiety disorder compounded by years and yeas of anxiety meds taken as prescribed.. combined with years and years of depression and a life of hell and physically unbearable pain.. and family that blamed it all on me.. and I'm living in a hotel right now for the last period of my life.. its been over a month. and I'm losing my shit.. i cant do this anymore.. i cant even use the computer in these beds in the hotel and i was just able to do that in my own bed back home but that place i could not be around my family and they were waking me up every day and making noise from day to night until i lost my mind with no sleep and had to desperately leave. have no money left and soon will have nowhere to go.. and have been forced to take painkillers to deal with the pain at this point. i spent five months fighting that shit with my family.. five months i begged them to help me live somewhere else.. and this is what happens.. my family says they cant help then they waste all this money on hotels as well as myself so no they could have helped and proven they had the money.. and it just goes on and on and now I'm randomly writing shit here and my mind is broken.. i was suicidal at 15... I'm 31.. imagine what ive had to feel for the past 16 years. i imagine this post seems very out of place and just insane. I'm sorry. my mind is really breaking here and i dont know what to do besides kill myself because they stole everything from me.. even if i had a single opportunity with what i needed.. its been too long now.. my brain is too damaged.. and i will never get back what i worked so hard for that my family stole and put the nail in the coffin with again. for the last time. i was worth so much more than this. and people will never know my potential except for me.

@agileanalyst214 7 жыл бұрын

friend, I believe the more basic issue is that folks are uncomfortable saying no; those who are quite comfortable saying no don't mind asking and hearing an honest yes or no answer

@TranceForTheFuture 7 жыл бұрын

If you say Yes to something you deep down know you should have said NO to, your self-esteem and self-respect plummets, which in the end will make people around you disrespect you. Pleasing everyone is a trap.

@NegativNein 7 жыл бұрын

These birds are so smug.

@hollysnickerz4258 7 жыл бұрын

The animation of this was brilliant

@MrSonny208 7 жыл бұрын

You guys from School of Life have no idea how enlightning is this video at this specific point of my life .

@gwho 7 жыл бұрын

seriously one of the best channels on youtube. actually, one of the best content sources on the internet.... no, all of life. We all need this kind of info. and so many don't get it through parents, friends, school, or other communities.

@crabslol 7 жыл бұрын

Im so happy this channel exists

@SuperWarbringer666 7 жыл бұрын

OMG THANK YOU this exactly how I feel about asking for things but I've never been able to describe it THANK YOU THIS IS EXTREMELY HELPFUL FOR ME & MY LIFE

@conradmeaders8449 7 жыл бұрын

Thank you for making this video. It was very helpful.

@ruthielalastor2209 7 жыл бұрын

I needed this. Thank you.

@PTK-JLN 7 жыл бұрын

- Can I ask you about your plans ? - No . WHAT NOW ?!?!

@ziksy6460 4 жыл бұрын

I have a job interview tomorrow. This video helps a lot.

@claraleclercq8342 7 жыл бұрын

Exactly what I needed to hear tonight. Thank you so much.

@Cronoro 7 жыл бұрын

I love your videos, the visuals are always a plus but this one is outstanding. The reason why people say no is amazing too 🙏

@teddyfatimdiallo617 4 жыл бұрын

I never have enough of this. Such a brillant video!

@cigall 6 жыл бұрын

One of the best School of Life videos--and this is coming from someone who watches them daily! They don't use the exact term "personally" here, but this idea of "don't take rejection personally, because it's really about the other person more than the one asking" is very powerful. And it doesn't even matter if it holds true every time: as long as we believe that most of the time, rejections aren't personal, we won't be afraid of the terror of rejection anymore.

@zatchiel 5 жыл бұрын

Great stuff as always!

@Merthalophor 7 жыл бұрын

self love is key. if you love yourself, it doesn't matter if someone says no. Paradoxically, this makes people say yes more often. Because you're not need and can handle a no.

@jesseshea9698 7 жыл бұрын

This channel is blessed.

@HappyBlueShadow 7 жыл бұрын

Great video as always. And what an amazing animation!!!

@avigayilenautozoedeiglorib2479 7 жыл бұрын

thanks, dad.

@Karen_esque 7 жыл бұрын

Every time I'm thinking about something, a relevant video is posted. It's freaking me out.

@frenchiemum67 7 жыл бұрын

Great video! I taught my children this when they were growing up. It is also the reason why I do my best to say "no, but.." and counter with something that does fit with my plans. 🙂

@rumples584 7 жыл бұрын

One of my favorite animation styles on the channel so far right here

@christhechilled 7 жыл бұрын

Add this video to my favorite list, because it's pure gold

@HenryTitor 7 жыл бұрын

I remember the time when I sub to this channel. It was about 20000 people. It's good to see the channel I know now have 2M subs

@Soulfie 7 жыл бұрын

The message of this video is so beautiful. 100% my personal experience. Alain de Botton is doing such a great contribution with this channel...

@ragingwitch8875 7 жыл бұрын

I've been contemplating whether I should ask someone something important. Thanks for the perfect timing as always.

@GregoryKelleher 7 жыл бұрын

Thank you. This is so insightful.

@raphaeldomice8201 7 жыл бұрын

Thank you for your videos, it sometimes realy help :) love you guys

@tzukit4727 7 жыл бұрын

Always ask to find out from another person, just ask.

@kimripu 7 жыл бұрын

thank you, school of life. I was thinking to ask a boy from my class to hang out with me, and this video just gave me the vibes i needed. You guys have helped me a lot, i found your channel in a difficult time of my life

@jt2506productions 7 жыл бұрын

Randomly out of the blue asked out this girl I had just recently started talking to. She told me no but even if I could go back in time with the knowledge that she would say no, I don't think I would do it any differently. It was an enlightening experience. The faster you learn that absolutely nothing happens when someone says "no" the less you begin to fear it and the more power you have over it.

@kellyfrances9435 3 жыл бұрын

This makes so much sense.

@eggswithlegs2855 7 жыл бұрын

omg i really need this today thank you!

@funkychick4lyf 7 жыл бұрын

I always say to myself and others (my younger sister especially lol) "if you never ask you'll never get" just as a reminder that it's okay to ask for things we want without the fear of whatever the answer will be and to have the comfort of knowing at least I tried. Loved this video ✨💗 I have a video similar to this on my channel for anyone that needs some advice ☺️

@peterson148 7 жыл бұрын

OMG, I fell like a failure, I fell so unfulfilled every day because I didn't get a job or a girlfriend, all because my whole life I've been afraid to receive a "no". I can't possibly get a job if I don't apply. I can't get a girlfriend if I'm too much scared to talk to her. I really wish I could show this to my 14 year old self, but I'm glad I saw this today. Thank you

@JOKBO1 7 жыл бұрын

I needed this video today!

@jokerkdk 7 жыл бұрын

This is awesome :) Great new animating style.

@juniperstardust5549 4 жыл бұрын

It is so obvious and yet I didn't think about it until today, so many years I've suffered and feel regret and self hatred because of some painful past rejections, but it never occurred to me that the blame was not entirely mine. Thanks

@chloegenet1027 7 жыл бұрын

jeepers the insights in these videos. blows my mind every time.

@qboo8036 7 жыл бұрын

I always say is "the worst thing they would say is no" and if you never ask you'll never know.

@Amina088 7 жыл бұрын

It's nice to be reassured that people simply reject us because what we ask do not fit in with their plan. For most cases, this is probably true. And it is a good reminder that when we don't ask, we actually lose the opportunity which could be once-in-a-lifetime moment... Many thanks for another insightful video, School of life!

@realbobbyaxel 5 жыл бұрын

Easily one of the most helpful video created on youtube by the school of life! ♥️

@UnprotectedDesignFlaw 7 жыл бұрын

I never thought of this like you people mentioned, and I don't know why. It could've been useful a couple of years ago... I guess I'll just share this video yo people I know they feel scared of "No"s to see if they can fix their ways or just feel better. Thanks for such great videos.