I appreciate your honesty and candor. Too many Christians hide their doubt or mask it in hyperbole. Being honest is so refreshing!

What type of pastor are you? Like what is your religion?

If you doubt in the Lord, you shouldn't be preaching about Him.

Deep Skeptic Pastor? Such a walking oxymoron. Let me come at you with this logically. There is a 50% chance that God doesn't exist and a 50% that He does. So, let me ask you this; would you rather believe in God and be wrong (you wouldn't know you're wrong because there is no one to be held accountable to) or believe in God and be right (which the Bible tells you what is on the other side). But the funny thing is, you shouldn't be believing to believe in God because of only logical arguments. It's faith on top of allowing God to move into your heart and change your soul through Christ. Please, step down as a pastor. And God is always loving, yes, even in the smiting. Ask yourself WHO was he smiting and WHY? The history is there. In biblical text and in historical ones as well. Smiting doesn't mean hate. There is a famous saying "I kill the enemy, but I do not hate them." Killing doesn't automatically = hate. Not just that but you are placing human laws on God... the one who created EVERYTHING and is 100% above the law. His word is LAW, his actions are LAW, His deeds or punishments are LAW. You're issue is you are placing yourself in your head on God's throne when we as humans are not even worthy to be standing next to that throne. We are ants standing next to the sun when it comes to our ranks v.s. God's.