Please keep in mind most LGBT+ people have not experienced the “courting stage.” Going on dates to the mall as kids, school dances, etc. Coming out as an older person, where sex is on the table, really confuses courting.

In my experience my partners have always come when I started focusing on bettering myself

Hi, greetings from Germany. 😘 As a gay man in a 15 year monogamous relationship, I had to think about your words. I remember that at the beginning, when I started with dating, I also ghosted. But I realized that my own narrative was unhealthy. If there was a problem, get out of the way of the problem. That was so wrong. I changed it to: learning to talk about problems is the first step toward a solution. As a result, I grew a lot internally and was able to build a healthy relationship. Because a relationship is not a prefabricated house that you can move into with your suitcases packed.❤

Red Flag - someone fresh out of long relationship, ready to jump into the next in the matter of weeks. Serial monogamist.

this is a hard one for me, as i'm 26 living in NYC and have never gotten past the third date point with anyone before being ghosted. So I'm left wondering if I'm giving off red flags. I dress well, take care of myself, workout, have a job, feel like I'm friendly and amicable and yet something turns people off I suppose. I wish people would give honest feedback after a date! haha

My husband recently got into your podcast, so we've been catching up a bit. We're both hovering around age 50 and been together 31 years, our entire adult lives! You guys have a really nice, relaxed and sweet chemistry between you, and you seem really focused on each other. Excited for your relationship to grow!

Keegan and Joel, you both are on a roll with your podcast and I look forward to watching it each week! Your topics are interesting and informative and always helpful with your perspectives on the gay community. I only wish I had something like this to watch when I was in my 30's. Just to take time out of your schedule to kick back and hear you both talk about your experiences of the dating scene. If I only knew then what I know now, things would have been a lot different. I now see how many red flags that came up and then overcome. And at times, still do today! Both of you are well versed and I could listen all day to you. Always great thoughts, insights and ideas. Thank you for sharing and for caring for us all! (BTW...I love the Invisalign story!)

A little late on watching this, but I would say it’s the best episode you’ve done so far! I find these “debate” type topics so relatable, interesting, and ultimately helpful. For those who are currently dating or pursuing a relationship, even just thinking about these topics can help continue/foster a good (or if needed, end a bad) relationship. Ultimately it’s just putting the topics out there to engage conversation and communication, so well done! I recommend a part 2! ❤❤❤

12:00 That remark just struck me as so British. "Let's all behave in a reasonable manner" 😂

Loved this episode!!! So provocative; especially the last little bit comparing Keegan's lack of a relationship with his parents to Joel's wonderful relationship with his. We can't change where we come from, can we? Luckily, I had a wonderful relationship with my parents; and sadly my partner never met them (deceased before we met) and my partner had really an absolutely unfortunate childhood as his parents really didn't parent. It DOES matter, and something we need to keep in the back of our mind. I also found discussions of red flags/green flags enlightening and i connected with your thoughts and my own experience. I was in a long difficult prior relationship; and the very FIRST date, there was a RED FLAG and i overlooked it; but like they say, when someone shows you who they are BELIEVE THEM! Any way guys, thoroughly enjoyed this episode. I liked the discussion as it just brought back all kinds of memories for me and i thought it was insightful. 😂😢😮

I once dumped a really nice and super hot guy because...he couldn't be on time nor would he keep plans. We made plans to go to the movies on Saturday, 12 noon. So I got dressed up, and waited for him to pick me up, which is what we agreed upon. 12 noon came and went. 1PM, 2PM, nothing. Zero response to calls or texts. Finally at around 5PM I gave up. TWO DAYS LATER he texted me and apologized for missing our date. I asked him "what happened?" He basically said that his family came to town unexpectedly and he couldn't get away. He was closeted and I understood that ahead of time, but he couldn't find 5 minutes to go to the bathroom and text me sooner? And finally after he did this to me about four more times, I dumped him. Red Flag!!!! And what's really weird is that he couldn't understand why I was angry.

I'm 67 and aside from social media, everything you guys are saying was true when I was young. Dating and relationships haven't really changed much. I saw these same red flags years ago, and it's fascinating to revisit my old relationships and how many flags that I missed. You guys are doing great work on your show and I've enjoyed all the topics you've covered. Cheers to your health and happiness and greetings from the small state of West Virginia in the US.

This is a really interesting topic! Please excuse my long comment lol…Regarding saying too much during the first date being a red flag, this can be a tricky one, as saying too much can be relative. During the first date, it’s often expected (at least for some) to keep the conversation light-hearted without getting to heavy and deep, BUT if a person is at a place where they’re seeking a potential partner and don’t want to waste each other’s time, then being authentic and letting it all out (the “take me or leave me” approach as Joel referenced) gives the other person the opportunity to see if they’re accepting and still interested in moving forward with getting to know their date more. Two people can definitely be attracted to each other and have a good chemistry while also being incompatible and not aligned in so many ways that aren’t conducive to a relationship. This can come from being closed minded, shallow, and superficial or simply just logical. There could be so many things from lifestyles, current physical/mental health states, kids (already having them or not wanting them at all), religion status, political beliefs, and the list goes on and on. One thing about first dates is that they often involve a lot of impression management by both individuals because people naturally desire to put their best foot forward by default. At the end of the day, if two people decide to date, they’re never going to know everything about their partner on the first few dates as they’ll learn new things about each other (especially when living together 😰lol) months and sometimes even years into a relationship. As far as the early stages of dating, I would recommend just using good judgement and avoid being secretive and inauthentic. To give a silly example, if you’re self-aware and know that you’re crazy, don’t hide your crazy until the 4th date. Show you’re crazy in advance to give your date a chance to love it or hate it lol. Red flags are definitely subjective, but they sooner they’re shown through authenticity, the better.

I love each of your channels individually, but it's magic when you're together.

As far as oversharing, I went on a date a few months ago and the guy spilled that he had actually just ended a relationship like 2 months earlier but was completely over it. He then spent 20 minutes explaining how he the guy abandoned him and he didn’t expect it, yada yada. I actually felt bad for the guy, it definitely seemed like he was very hurt. But it was a massive red flag that this dude was not ready to be dating.

I loved this podcast! I'm a senior straight supporter of you guys. I love your interactions & well balanced relationship insights. A lot of what you shared today, relates to all sexualities, in my humble opinion. We are all human after all. The big take for me, from your episode today, more than anything, is realising that I have been terrible at dating, all my adult life & better at long term relationships. Hence the 3 serious relationships I've had in my life were friends before romance was even a consideration. Thank you. x

Over sharing = open book. I ask 2 questions on a date: 1. Tell me about you and your life, and 2. Tell me about how you spend your days. Most gay men I’ve dated get uncomfortable answering it, so I appreciate an open book - there’s nothing worse than going on a date and talking to the person’s representative persona in hopes of getting to actually meet the person. Even bite size communication is game play. Every relationship should have interdependency, not co-dependency - there’s a vast difference. At the end of the day, dating is about vibing.

I’m grateful to find your podcast, it’s good to listen to people that share the same core values that I find hard to come across in the gay world these days. Thank you keep doing the good work.

I tink its so sweet tat Joel confesses tat he's madly in love with Keegan in the middle of the show.. 🥰

Yet another great episode! I would love to see this be a regular series of yours on the podcast. Where you take listener suggestions and decide if they are red or green or ambiguous flags. And I love Keegan's idea of taking this concept outside of romantic relationships with his family, friends, work relationships. Anyway these were all great thoughts. I can't wait to really listen when you post the shorts and mini videos.

Another great episode! ☺️ Especially for someone like me who hasn’t ever dated someone, I find this topic really interesting and it got me thinking about things that I would consider red flags if I was dating someone. I like Keegan‘s idea of maybe talking about this topic outside of just romantic relationships, I think it would be interesting to talk about things that might be red flags in friendships. For example, I know for me looking back at my friendship with my childhood best friend who I knew for about 12 years, there were times when she was controlling and didn’t treat me how I thought a friend should. I know we were just kids, but there are some things that I wish I would’ve seen sooner, because I think by the time we were about 12 or 13 she was definitely old enough to realize what she was doing was manipulative and controlling sometimes. Again, I know we were young, but I feel like there’s things that I would consider red flags about that friendship. Like the fact that she would constantly talk over me and didn’t want to hear what I had to say, she would put me down and only talk about herself all the time and what she was doing, and sometimes she would just stop talking to me out of nowhere for days at a time when I didn’t even do anything to make her upset with me. 🙄 I’m glad I know that now and I have an actual best friend, but that friendship still bothers me because it was so one-sided and I don’t want to feel like that again. 😁❇️💜❤️

I'm lesbian, but totally enjoy this podcast. It's for everyone 🤩

I don't know why but this podcast I found outstanding. I love you two and the love you have for one another. Well done. Keep up the good work

A great episode guys. A lot of good information and reminders on having a great relationship.

Loved this episode so much🙌🏻💜 17:04 keegen's Thank you killed me😂

100% agree on the texting or busy excuse. The whole world is busy, but you make time for the things and people that are important to you. Point blank

Thank you for sharing this vital topic! 👍🏻✨

Relationship red flag- Your partner staying in contact with his ex with no boundaries. Professional red flag- Your new boss making personal "innocent" joke at all too soon. Friendship red flag- They won't introduce you to there other group of friends, but is happy to ask you to intro them to your other group of friends.

As usual Love it, love it, love it, just watched this episode with a big smile 🏉🌈🏉

Appreciate you guys! This was very helpful to a newly single gay man that’s trying to navigate in the dating world!

I have never had a positive experience of real potential. Everything was predatory or trivial from others. Out of the blue, through friendship, I fell in love after 11 months of perfection. Five years later the love I feel is still giving me butterflies. I am Irish and he is native American.

You guys are so good, natural, open and sensible.

Just stumbled onto this podcast. These guys are great together. They would be fun to double with or just hang out with for a time… I could see these guys having a lot of friends… Thanks to you both. I liked and subscribed 🎉

Loved this one! I'd love it if you guys could expand to an hour format instead of the half-hour! Seems like you could have gone on a while longer about this one. Love you guys! Also, Boppit is niche over there? 😂

Thanks guys, just been introduced to you, and I loved listening to you both, also you’re both good looking homos to watch! Content is great and it is valuable to hear the “opinions” of others to help shape your own. I think I’m horrific at dating but might just make a horrifically good partner! Keep it coming, navigating as a mid 50s homo can still be difficult and these things are great to discuss.

I just love you guys!. This is a great podcast!

hey this was an amazing podcast!

enjoyed this one guys, a part 2 of red flag/green flag topics would be fun.

This is a very good session that you did. I feel sorry for Keegan, because of not having a good relationship with his mother. I never had a mother she died when I was three, but my relationship with my father to was not very close and I think that these type of sessions really help people to understand who they are, and I love it, so any of the sessions that you come up with a very welcomed so that we can really learn about each other you both are very good in this program and you can tell the love that you have for one another keep pressing on.

Thank you. I loved it. Subscribed ❤

Excited for you guys to have some guests on

Just recently got into your podcast and love it guys always really interesting to listen too 😊

Such good advice! Enjoyed !

Loved this episode. It was light and fun❤❤❤❤HHH

Thank you for the podcast.

Yes! Have grace for the humanity of the other, while being careful of true red flags. And intention IS the key to whether they are red or not. Lol. I'm definitely not cut out for dating 🤦🏽‍♀️, but fully confident in my skills and abilities in long term relationship.

the biggest red flag is acting like people being interested in astrology is a red flag lol.

Howdy... New subscriber here... love the podcast. As for money on dates... my dad gave me the best advice ever... Whomever issues the invite should expect to pay for the evening. That said, if someone wants to split or pay... have at it.

LOL! I'm Aquarius and my husband is Libra ... fancy that!

I met my soul mate 2 years ago. I found him on grinder. When I first saw his pic I couldn’t believe how attractive he is. After reading his profile I fell even more Gaga over him. He’s not into the gay scene, monogamous, religious, very similar social status as me, same values and morals. When I first messaged him I unloaded everything about myself just because I liked him so much I wanted him to know me. This actually drew him in more and eventually we switched to phone calls and text. But we are always messaging each other a lot. Even after intimate dates we text as we leave. Just do what makes u two happy and don’t look so deep into things.

AWES0ME EP!

I can’t wait to find my special someone! Great podcast!!

Keep up the good job!!

i am a bad texter though but it's because i have adhd and force myself to focus on real life day to day and if i have extra time then i can reply. i'm really tired of the draining keeping up with people being taken so personally, we shouldn't be so glued to our phones. i actually have thought about getting rid of my cell and getting a land line just to get around having to have this convo with people to justify my choice of living more old school and away from tech as much as possible since it is such an integrated part of life now in days. this is a great video all in all i just had to bring this point up for anyone else that needed the reassurance. i like people who understand, like you said, i'm human and this just isn't an area i can change my stance on the older i get.

I just found out about this channel! How this it take so long‽ Im so glad to have, thanks!

"Not in the gay scene is very important" but yet you produce multiple pieces of gay-oriented content for all the world to see. Got it. ;)

After being in a relationship for 25 years, listening to your views is a breath of fresh air and how far gay life has moved forward, and it certainly would have helped many years ago to listen to this. Back then, being more open, it was battling through acceptance and sorting out how one fits in society. Keep doing the talks, guys. My partner and I have spoken about how different we would enter into the gay world if we were ever to be left on our own. I guess the good thing about being a 66-year-old gay guy is that you don't care what people think anymore, you have a clear definition of what you want and don't want, and you don't waste energy on people you know won't fit in your lifestyle and experiences. ...thanks, guy...

You guys are absolute ledgends ❤

In the past I gave off red flags towards guys I was really excited about but in turn they did the same. Which allowed two unhealed ppl to only last a couple weeks or months together. But I’ve learned my lesson. I feel like I’m a a lot calmer these days but I am not perfect just a work in process.

10:55 good point. thank you so much for this

It's not surprising that people put up walls or try to impress each other on a first date. But as time goes on and they spend more time together, they gradually reveal their true selves. That's why long-term relationships really need a lot of understanding between partners.

Very good content, both of you are cute, (to young for me) I am entering third yr, my beloved partner passed, after 31 yrs, I think I'm ready to put myself out, it's tough. One thing I've learned, life is short, don't discount having someone you have chemistry with. Thank you for the inspiration.

Green flag; taking time to actually get to know eachother other for a while before getting physical (beyond a kiss) - good things grow in fertile soil and if its worth waiting for and you have that respect it's means you're starting on solid foundations, and is a sign that they are more likely to be willing to put in the joint effort into maintaining a relationship in the longer term. ✊🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿🏳️‍🌈

What you all said about playing games by overthinking a text is so true. In general, I think true red flags are things that show someone isn't in a place to respect and care for the guy they're dating. I know it's just semantics, but I'd call anything else a "turn-off." That word feels like it puts the onus in a better place, which is on the person perceiving the behavior, rather than on the person exhibiting it. Invisalign guy wasn't flying a red flag, his behavior was a turn-off. Other people own red flags. We own our turn-offs.

I am in that camp of being bad dater due to social anxiety and other mental health issues. So guys get put off easily. Worst part is 90% of guys dont think about that they just see how bad you are and say no which is one of the bad points of humanity as these days thats common in both hetro and homo sides. on your other point silence is not just red flag. like above if you anxious then thats more likely to make there be more "awkward silence" as the anxious one finds it hard to continue convo with someone on first meet

OK question- is it bad if the photos I use of myself on the apps are in great lighting or after a workout with a bit of a pump? Is it minor cat-fishing? How do I know if the photos I use truly represent myself?

As a straight woman in her 50s, I wish I'd watched this as a teenager. Would have saved a lot of heartache. Good advice is good for everyone, love you guys x x x and you're dogs

Oversharing on a first date is definitely a red flag. It connected to a low self-esteem. Went on a date with a handsome seemingly successful man once and after 15 minutes I felt like his therapist. He had confessed way too much. It was such a disappointment.

Fear of failure or rejection is a big factor.Rejection of any kind does hurt.

Lol boys - I eat my steak blue! - The best and most respectful way to eat meat I think. Nice episode. From my experience (and me still being in a relationship 21 years on) I 'found' the one right after I just became really comfy with myself; happy and independent... then *BAM* he walked into my life through a friend.

Gay men of all the world together forever ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🌎🌍🌏🌎🌍🌏

On the bad texter thing, i am a bad texter. I do very well if we are on discord but anything like whatsapp or insta dms i just wont see for hours or days. In texts i just tend to miss the nonverbal queues so I really dont like communicating that way, especially when I start dating someone and like them (and want them to like me too).

I like this podcast

Hi good discussion topic,i'm sorry for some of the red flag situations you have been in. With some of what you have said,i don't look for anyone anymore,i am definitely the ick for anybody and having a disability will be a huge prob.

As far as texting goes...not everyone likes to text..Im an older guy and i figure that if you want to chat w/me..give me an actual call......its the best way to communicate when you are not with each other.....texting is a less of a message than a quick conversation..I personally am not on any social media platforms by choice so all this "obligatory" need to text is not the most sincere form of communication...slow down and be more into the person or not.

I love Keegan accent 😀.

Libra and Aquarius love compatibility is one of the best in the zodiac. When these two come together, they uplift their souls and help each other out at every juncture of their lives. Both being air signs, they can connect on a much higher level than most other signs.

Great podcast. Though I have to say I believe who ever asks the person out on a date, its usually the one who should pay. Like you asked person A to go here, then yea pay for it lol.

being sane. vibe has to be there on both sides, if it is there, that person will really text about next date, even though he is a bad texter. some people like Joel, doesn't want children and they are happy/ok to stop their bloodline with them. it is ok. red - being adamant, like i will pay for food. avoid gross stuffs. talking life goals at the starting saves time (like want kids, marriage) - these comes over the age.

I’m old enough to be both of your mums, a 52 year old American Southern mum. But my son is 35 and has been gay since high school.

What happens if they absolutely don't like your closest/best friends after dating - continue dating?

The average gay man isn't much into courting or dating, only a few. Its basically more sexual experience, talking about whatever, attitude, going to the bar. It can be awkward, especially if you want a real connection to want more substance or a real relationship

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I hope that help me to find a husband 😊

My last BF allowed his 47 year old sister to our 1st valentines meal together!! She use to invite herself to his house share at the weekends when i was there. One of my pet hates is when a BF stares at other men while you are out at a restaurant together. I ended up dumping his ass a year letter!! Yes please, more red flag episodes!

You two are are so cute together 😊

What about mental illnesses? Ive never dated before but i feel like it is necessary that my future boyfriend should know even before the first date that i have antisocial personality disorder and schizophrenia, naturally i would prefer to keep these hidden however i am aware that they have a massive effect on my relationships of all kinds and it is obvious upon first meeting… i like people to know so i can know if they cant handle it before i start to like them, i have never fallen in love i dont believe i can feel it but it still hurts to be abandoned by someone for something you can’t control…. What do you think?

"Oversharing" was originally meant to be when you share sensitive things with people before establishing trust.

@13:00 first date for me is always happy hour drink so if I asked the person out and picked the bar, I don’t mind paying for the first round.

Click “like”!

Hey guys i have hiv but undectable, i always tell the guy before we meet , is that the right thing to do? but i changed things and waited till we met and spent the day together. Hey started to get touchy feely and then i told him, that was the end of the date and he didnt want to see me again. Doing it in person hurt more than online.

Funny talking about dating when in my experience shows to me I couldn't have anyone to date with because I only get offers for a hookup. 🤣

Aww Joel you shouldn’t worry if they are adamant about paying. If they invited you out on the date I think they should pay. Date 2 or 3 I think that changes. You spilt or you get the tab if you guys get there. I wouldn’t be worried about them trying to control me with money simply for wanting to pay.

The entire gay dating scene is one big red flag. It’s just impossible. If you’re not 22, rich and out of a magazine then you’re invisible.

this podcast should be called "listen to 2 boyfriends talk for 30 minutes."

When someone invited me to dinner I already know he will pay cause he’s the one who invited me, I don’t see that as a red flag at all for me he is a gentleman, besides that I’m agree with the chitchat.

I am bi going towards men wanting to have a boyfriend and husband. I feel welcome.

Boundaries are good- but oversharing for me is far lesser a red-flag than closed-up hidden secrecy.

Aquarius ftw!!

What if you talked for four months and it's great he says you're everything he's looked for. But when you meet he is stand off and says he doesn't know what he wants and all the stuff he said was just texting. But after you leave he continues talking to you

A guy I started dating took him to a nice dinner and he wouldn’t stay off his phone needless to say it didn’t work out 👍