Brandon's Cult Movie Reviews: MASSACRE IN DINOSAUR VALLEY

Рет қаралды 336,761

8 жыл бұрын

It's my first jungle exploitation movie with "Massacre In Dinosaur Valley" (1985), featuring Michael Sopkiv and not a single dinosaur! Special appearance by the Cine Masochist!
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Пікірлер: 309

@llongone2 5 жыл бұрын

"There's another thing Kevin won't stand for...and that's someone perving on women that isn't him!" - lost it there, tea out the nose.

@sigmacademy 5 жыл бұрын

02:41: FUN FACT: Professors in movies always have hottie daughters. It's essential to the PLOT, y'see. XD

@011keepers 3 жыл бұрын

Except Indiana Jones...

@AndrewGivens Жыл бұрын

@@011keepers yyyeahhhh... *nose wrinkle*

@dansmith1661 Жыл бұрын

Wild Wild West reboot

@EHH246 8 жыл бұрын

"The indoor pool sign was refering to this." That's actually a pretty clever joke. Good job.

@MmeSmite 5 жыл бұрын

I like this movie. It doesn't have the nihilism and cruelty of some of the other jungle exploitation films, and Sopkiw is cute - sort of like a blond Bruce Campbell with much less talent and an even bigger chin.

@WTFisTingispingis 8 ай бұрын

It's pretty rapey and it cockteased us with the dinosaur thing.

@KiramidHead 8 жыл бұрын

Well, Mr. Freeze certainly thinks the Ice Age killed the dinosaurs...

@afrog2666 4 жыл бұрын

It was a COOL time to be alive...

@warriorking4ever 8 жыл бұрын

Wow, gotta wonder what the filmmakers were thinking regarding Kevin. I mean, sure, the guy doesn't need to be as unstoppable as Rambo or the Terminator, but if he's supposed to be the hero of the story maybe he shouldn't be such a pansy? XD

@demonkingbadger6689 3 жыл бұрын

Well, he is tough. Nobody can take beating like he does.

@trossk 3 жыл бұрын

The Dolph Ziggler of action movies

@Tareltonlives 3 жыл бұрын

He's also an asshole too

@Predator20357 3 жыл бұрын

@@demonkingbadger6689 No, it’s just that no one is smart enough to just stab him or shoot him dead

@andrewgwilliam4831 2 жыл бұрын

Rubbish heroes were a bit of a theme with '80s b-movies. Sometimes it's done humorously, but the weird thing is how some movies play it straight!

@DeepEye1994 8 жыл бұрын

14:07 Worst Cubone cosplayer everrr.

@TheBlackKnight1o1 8 жыл бұрын

Cu-bone!

@MrMattdsolo 8 жыл бұрын

There is no such thing as a GOOD Cubone cosplay.

@DeepEye1994 8 жыл бұрын

Matthew Solomons That's why it's the "worst". Worst of the worst, it should join the Suicide Squad for how worst of the worst it is.

@jerryvega3042 5 жыл бұрын

Kabutops head ass...lol

@drfr0stii704 3 жыл бұрын

9:19 I swear this is the music Brandon used for the Blastfighter title card.

@char1737 3 жыл бұрын

Im sad i wanted to get my Dino on ! The Horror Geek also cited the lack of dinosaurs.

@HorrorShowEntertainment 8 жыл бұрын

The Cine Masochist cameo made my night :)

@sheltonbrightjr.5988 6 жыл бұрын

If Michael could have been cloned, he'd been perfect to play Han Solo in that Star Wars prequel, "A Solo Story"! 😀

@TheNomadicPyramid 8 жыл бұрын

So THIS is what Parcifall did before apocalypse... Guess nothing really changed for the poor bastard

@HeilRay 5 жыл бұрын

4:04 Brazilian Bennett the Sage Laughed

@q-bert6454 5 жыл бұрын

No such thing as senseless nudity. All nudity makes sense and is necessary

@dilophosaurussk4333 4 жыл бұрын

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAhaha-ha... YOU HAVENT SEEN THE THINGS I DID, DID YOU?!

@donwhiteley3293 4 жыл бұрын

I have one mental image for you sir; Tommy Wiseau's pubic hair and weirdly flexing leathery ass.

@BillyTheBigKid82 2 жыл бұрын

Yeah no. It really isn't necessary at all.

@MamaMOB Жыл бұрын

@@BillyTheBigKid82 84 people agree with him 0 people agree with you. Maybe you’re over sensitive.

@BillyTheBigKid82 Жыл бұрын

@@MamaMOB Oh touchy aren't we? xD

@gaillewis5472 8 жыл бұрын

Nothing like a little levity during a trip to the ER right after the blizzard. Thanks, Brandon! You're the best!

@char1737 5 ай бұрын

5:21 OMG! That line delivery got me there

@mst3KGf 8 жыл бұрын

]You're getting a decent-sized list of movies that promise "dinosaurs" in their titles and then completely fail to deliver.

@FilmmakerJ 8 жыл бұрын

Speaking of dinosaurs: I've always been curious about the little known Disney movie from 1975 called "One of Our Dinosaurs is Missing." Maybe that'd be something to consider later on?

@odinofanime 8 жыл бұрын

I loved the review man. Great. Since your going to be doing more animated/anime films, I'd love to see you review Baoh. It has violence, cheesy voice acting, and it was the first work of Hirohiko Araki

@troyschulz2318 8 жыл бұрын

HEY, Cine-Masochist!!

@ethanwebster2501 8 жыл бұрын

I haven't hated black squares more than now.

@gallibon1319 6 жыл бұрын

0:31 I really am digging that tune.

@gallibon1319 6 жыл бұрын

And again at 20:44.

@jerkfudgewater147 5 жыл бұрын

You know what else Kevin Sopkey did in 2019.... FINALLY WATCHED “CLASS OF 1999!!!!” Do it do it now it’s free on youtube

@timcooke9429 8 жыл бұрын

4:04 brandon forgot to black box something...

@sparkfilms558 4 жыл бұрын

Thanks

@user-bu2sf1gb5t 2 жыл бұрын

*Movie is called "Massacre in Dinosaur Valley* *There is not even a single dinosaur in it* We've been tricked, backstabbed and quite possibly bamboozled!

@TheBlackKnight1o1 8 жыл бұрын

4:08 Bennett the Sage, Lol!

@DW4Ever91 8 жыл бұрын

I Got a Movie for Ya, Planet of Dinosaurs! and Believe You Me, it Delivers What it Promises!

@scotthillman9134 8 жыл бұрын

+DW4Ever91 Come on we all know there is no "of" in that movie.

@dustinbrock6670 8 жыл бұрын

Dude! Planet of the Dinosaurs is my favorite movie! I remember when my brother gave it to me. Good times.

@JeffreyDeCristofaro 8 жыл бұрын

I'll go with that, saw it in my early teens and it has quite a kick! (Stop-motion animated dinosaurs on an extraterrestrial planet always deliver the goods!)

@BeefStuu92 8 жыл бұрын

+DW4Ever91 I Saw That Movie, it's Like Star Trek Meets Ray Harryhausen. Swell Stuff!

@DW4Ever91 8 жыл бұрын

BeefStuu92 Exactly!

@impofstpete727 4 жыл бұрын

18:44 How in the blue hell did he get a Diamondback Rattlesnake in the middle of the jungle? Also why did the bag change? I keep forgetting it's an exploitation film.

@harmonicajay91 8 жыл бұрын

Line I keep repeating: Damn it, Kevin!

@frankjosephjaeger2675 5 жыл бұрын

9:18 Wait a Minute I Know This Theme, This Theme From Blastfighter Hell Yeah!

@snoekone 2 жыл бұрын

I can still smell the patchouli in my nightmares.

@destinytroll1374 8 жыл бұрын

4 Years? Sweet! I've been a fan since near the beginning.

@Phoenixesper1 7 жыл бұрын

9:16 That sounds like the music that should be playing during a wily stage in a megaman game. LOL

@MarlonMacielBrando 4 жыл бұрын

"[…] Italian-Brazilian co-production" No wonder it's so similar to a "pornochanchada". Go on, look it up.

@MamaMOB 3 жыл бұрын

No, no I will not

@MarlonMacielBrando 3 жыл бұрын

@@MamaMOB you're missing out. Full frontal nudity aside, the genre is a treasure trove of the "so bad it's good" trope.

@licentiousdreams 2 жыл бұрын

Well off to bing I go.

@GojiraRising 8 жыл бұрын

Kevin getting beat up & thrown down the waterfall. And the chick getting mowed down trying to escape was pure hilarity:)

@onlocationkat 3 жыл бұрын

Nudo Salvaggio, Savage Terror, is the original title of this film from 1985. My guess is a decade later they put dinosaur in there because Jurassic Park, when it was nothing to do with that. Savage Terror makes more sense.

@nikolajuric9828 5 жыл бұрын

You should really have more views and subscribers. I really like your videos. Thank you for your work.

@Mattteus 8 жыл бұрын

oh hey, it's that guy from Devil Fish

@spiderlime 6 жыл бұрын

susane carval is a racing car driver and all sorts of cool talents besides

@TheRealNormanBates 6 жыл бұрын

4:00 so I guess you can say that this scene provides a valuable asset to the storytelling? 6:06 "Dignity Lost! Pity Sex Achieved!" 8:38 not only that, but all 3 tours were on a tiny ship. 11:41 Hey! Nice CRIMEWAVE reference!

@thacobell4700 5 жыл бұрын

Welp, there's another search for an old, barely remembered movie I watched as a yougn child. "Epic Days of the Dinosaur", I don't remember that title, but I will never forget that box art.

@skylx0812 6 жыл бұрын

Tiny Tim's call of the lesbian wild is quite a catchy little tune. ...makes you wanna run right out and go whale watching

@barkingmonkee 3 жыл бұрын

I'm inclined to say he left out "Caribbean steel drum music" as an integral element of jungle exploitation films except, is it really?

@MidKnighToker 3 жыл бұрын

how did i not discover this awesome fn channel till recently? kinda love having such a back log to catch up on tho

@GrimJackal 8 жыл бұрын

Kevin's kind of like a more useless, less charismatic version of Jack Burton.

@HiperPivociarz 6 жыл бұрын

So Micheal Sopkiv is just stuck being discount Curt Russel.

@GameMaster-sv9uw 4 жыл бұрын

@Stephen Murphy Jack Burton was a character played by Kurt Russell in the movie Big Trouble in Little China.

@genetash8604 11 ай бұрын

7 year ago “ can u believe I’ve been doing this show for 4 years?” I count 11 now

@menslady125eif2590 3 жыл бұрын

Kevin, you STINK at being a hero!

@lukeleavitt5221 2 жыл бұрын

It makes me smile that Mentioned Bennett the sage Because honestly anime abandoned and the show are 2 of my favorite KZfaq channels of all time

@lukeleavitt5221 2 жыл бұрын

Also with that big said there needs to be a crossover

@varanid9 4 жыл бұрын

I also seem to remember an '80s US-made slasher flick with a kid and his family in a camper set in Dinosaur Valley state park, but, can't remember if the title had the word "dinosaur" in it or not. Needless to say, there were no dinosaurs featured in the film.

@chomskyan4life 4 жыл бұрын

Frankly, this channel needs more subscribers!

@Guyverman01 8 жыл бұрын

If you do get to reviewing an anime this year, I recommend you review The Guyver Out of Control.

@stevenhicks8159 3 жыл бұрын

The jungle trek song sounds like it belongs in the never ending story

@jacktomlin6304 3 жыл бұрын

"Even Brazilian John Landis here looks unhappy..." : )

@RapideWombaticus 5 жыл бұрын

I thoroughly enjoy your work Well done Mr. Tenold 😈

@KRhetor 8 жыл бұрын

4:54. ROFL! The moment I saw her I thought "that crazy Swiss lion lady."

@rexy1085 8 жыл бұрын

+KRhetor me too XD

@johnnywalker7961 5 жыл бұрын

imagine shaggy and scooby doo was there at dinosaur valley and meet cannibals native tribesmen .

@jamesmc04 3 жыл бұрын

"Chinese Walking with Snakes, Spears, and Slaves in Bloody Lesbian Valley" sort of sums it up.

@BB120776 4 жыл бұрын

2:12 Hey, Motel Kemzoil's movin' up in the world!

@TheKyrix82 5 жыл бұрын

My grandma told me the ice age killed the dinosaurs. It took years for me to let that go

@user-of2hw9qo4r 2 ай бұрын

The intro soundtrack of the movie is like Mario Sunshine in Nintendo wii😂

@jjenk911 6 жыл бұрын

Nah, clown Marilyn Monroe looks closer to Karen Black.

@Possienke 8 жыл бұрын

The perfect sunday!!

@augustwest5356 4 жыл бұрын

Are you saying that cocaine _isn't_ part of a complete breakfast? I just refuse to believe that. Next you're gonna say I shouldn't have heroin for lunch. Don't make me send you my revised food pyramid.

@josiahdrake2632 2 жыл бұрын

The only problem with this film is there are no dinosaurs in that story!

@secludedmisanthrope6388 5 жыл бұрын

So, he first said there were Native Americans placed on the island with no actual dinosaurs at 5:10 into the video, then when he speaks to the father of the girl he's creepin on in the hotel at around 7 mins in and says that the island has indigenous cannibals. So they transported Native Americans to this "Dinosaur Island" with with no dinosaurs and left them there to become cannibal dookie?!!

@JnEricsonx 8 жыл бұрын

Hah! Cinemasochist cameo.

@ConstantineFurman 8 жыл бұрын

There were at least three times when you/the movie said/did something and then I thought of a gag and then you did that exact gag!

@Avarn388 8 жыл бұрын

Congratulations on doing your reviews for four years. I absolutely love the content you pull off. You are hilarious, especially when it comes to you having to watch these films. And in fact, I am appreciative, because you helped me expand my horizon further when comes to these cheesy films. So for that, I thank you.

@MsDjessa 7 жыл бұрын

1:44 I was kinda expecting Diamanda Hagan or someone to hack just for a couple of seconds and say: "I don't know."

@ML-tp7qq 6 жыл бұрын

Very funny and entertaining video.. except for the cut-in who says "Motherfucker" - that is wrong.

@Tareltonlives 3 жыл бұрын

You could show any clip of this movie and you could tell this is an 80s Italian movie.

@sigmacademy 5 жыл бұрын

08:31. Facial expression of discount Marilyn. Priceless? XD

@rachdarastrix5251 6 жыл бұрын

5:33 To be fair those guys an't human. He would have lost even if he had a gun. But that is the only thing I can excuse sadly.

@murdermusprime7065 7 жыл бұрын

at least there are a few nice ass shots in this great review. :)

@ninjabluefyre3815 2 жыл бұрын

I literally clicked on this for the dinosaurs!

@waterandafter 4 жыл бұрын

Four years four years ago...

@archanabhave8282 3 жыл бұрын

That snake was just a python. It posed ZERO threat to the characters.

@AndrewGivens Жыл бұрын

Pythons can still bull-rush you and bite nastily if in a very tight spot - but that was a Terrifying Pet Store Python, which was why it sat there happily, waiting to be fed a defrosted mouse.

@scottessery100 4 жыл бұрын

4 years... thats 3 1/2 yrs ago! holly shit

@diogogomes3238 Жыл бұрын

Its a good jungle exploitation , no animal cruelty and its super fun. Plus had Sopkiw the man

@ShadeMeadows 6 жыл бұрын

Brazilian Jungle Explotation? WE DID ONE??

@hubertberrum6242 2 жыл бұрын

it's like King Of Kong Island where you'd think it's gonna be a King Kong knock off but nope! it's actually some sort of a spoof of Tarzan with a lady raised by apes the movie was called Eva the Savage(or Wild) Venus, the movie does have gorillas(you know, a guy in a gorilla suit) tho, plus in my country it's even call Kong in the Lost Jungle(I'm mexican american)

@AssMonkeyGaming 3 жыл бұрын

3:10 Freddie Mercury, is that you?😂

@commonwriternext 8 жыл бұрын

WHAT!? a new review in one week?

@dragonzilla6482 8 жыл бұрын

A movie called Massacre In Dinosaur Valley and it has No Dinosaurs? That's false advertising! D:

@Steinklein 8 жыл бұрын

Oh his name actually IS Kevin. I was very confused until his name was shouted in-movie by 12:50

@oxymoron02 3 жыл бұрын

Uhhh... But it is widely believed that the Chicxulub asteroid which hit some 66m years ago led to an "impact winter", which absolutely could be alluded to as an ice age in order to explain it a little easier. It's still a misnomer for the exact event which happened, but results in a very similar scenario.